Return of the Cuckoo

Julian Cheung as Wen Chu
Charmaine Sheh as Jun Hao
Steven Ma as Situ Lixin
Nancy Sit as Wanzhu Shajiao

Such strange happenings on Macau island..

We have Nancy Sit shuffling around the island, bent double from the load of her halo, raising unwanted children as her own. The good lil' lady performs the cha-cha at a restaurant, earning a decent living and practicing the values churned out from the sausage factory of kindred spirits. Well, somebody has to because her sister is a rich nasty 'tai-tai' who is paired with the usual ensemble of stiff husband-tycoon, spineless elder son, spoilt younger son/resident villain and loyal nanny. So be prepared to sit through all sorts of tiresome tears and martyrdom from Nancy Sit as she bemoans the misfortune of lesser creatures refusing to follow her shining example.

Mother Shajiao has two children - her daughter Jun Hao and the adopted Wen Chu. Together with a colourless Lixin, the necessary love triangle is formed. The rest of the plot is recycled and not worth recrapping, sorry, recapping.

The Cast:

Julian Cheung - A performance that painfully exposed this actor's limits. Using sign language in front of a camera is not the same as acting a character who uses sign language to communicate and Cheung never overcame this self-consciousness. Should credit be given to him for mastering sign language at least? Perhaps, but then again, lots of people have done likewise and probably better. It's not like he did something spectacularly difficult.

Charmaine Sheh - A role that called for little and got equal returns from this none-too-decorative vase. The last time I saw this actress was in the recent re-mangling 'The Flying Fox of The Snowy Mountain' where she played the role of Miao Ruo Lan and that was hardly a stretch given Jin Yong's narrow view of females. They are either demure or they aren't. If you're a passably average-looking wannabe actress and have big round eyes, then take heart. You can count on being cast as one of the many demure damsels who bat their eyelids (demurely, of course) at the sometimes flirtatious, sometimes 'I can't help it that so many girls find me attractive' protagonist(s) of Jin Yong's novels.

The most obvious example is the recent production of 'The Book and The Sword' where Rachel Ngan played the role of Princess Xiang Xiang, the most idealized female character he's created to date. The scene where Qianlong saw her dancing in the desert is the funniest ever, though it was not probably intended to be so. He saw her in the daytime so obviously it must be really hot and hilariously, Qianlong finds 'The Dance of The Barbecued Damsel' irresistible.

I seem to have strayed from reviewing the Return of the Cuckoo but there's nothing worth talking about anyway. The rest of the supporting cast just sleepwalks through their roles and then it concludes with a slight question mark as to the fates of the two characters. I say 'slight' because really, who cares about such forgettable characters anyway?

Rating: 1* + 2* on the 4 R Scale

I have a new rating system called The Wretched Richie Ren Rating System - (a.k.a the 4 R Scale). I designed it after watching Ritchie Ren's excruciatingly bad performances as Linghu Chong and Chu Liu Xiang. His shows are ranked as types of stars:

Just About Awful/Awful = 1 * ;

I Can't Believe They Make Crap Like This = 2 * ;

I Make Better Crap Than This= 3 * ;

I Pay $$ To Watch Someone Else's Crap?! = 4 * ;

Fingernails Dragging on Chalkboard Awful = 5 * ;

Other shows on the 4 R Scale:

The Romance of The Book and The Sword : 2*

Despite good performances from some of the supporting cast the show was simply, boring. I have withheld the last * because of the music and because of the common feature of a more interesting supporting cast.

The Flying Fox of Snowy Mountain 1999 : 3*

It might have gotten away with 2 * but it persisted in prolonging its inane nonsense between Hu Fei and Ruo Lan. If you have no idea what I'm talking about in terms of the plot, believe me, you're better off not knowing.

Healing Hands I & II : 5* + 4* + 3* + 2* + 1*

A franchise that merits its own rating system for being bloated, long, cliched and for inflicting Lawrence Ng onto television screens. He has the same expression for everything - never mind what it is, he just flexes a couple of facial muscles and that is supposed to represent the whole gamut of emotions. Heck, I flex more facial muscles when I visit the dentist.

Meteor Garden I : 5 * + 4* + 3* + 2* + 1*

Truly a phenomenon to make the skin crawl. Not one member of the cast can speak a line properly and look at its success. The ultimate justification for my system that only rates shows from crappy crap to crappiest crap.

New Chor Lau Heung and The Smiling Proud Wanderer :

5 * + 4* + 3* + 2* + 1*

Naturally the shows responsible for inflicting Ritchie Ren on audiences to spawn the 4 R Scale - would do themselves proud.

A Kindred Spirit : 5* + 4* + 3* + 2* + 1*

It can only be described using the 4 R Scale.