Originally Posted by
Ken Cheng
Today, a friend (and kind of, sort of colleague, though we don't *really* work together) whom I've known for fifteen years let me down big time.
I made a mistake and asked him for permission to do something (no unsavory thoughts, people; it was something legit related to the posting of a certain thread on a non-SPCNET message forum). He didn't like the idea. He thought it was stupid. That's OK. In retrospect, I agreed with him...it *was* stupid and I'm glad I didn't do it.
That's not what let me down: what let me down was that instead of talking to me about it in private (which he could have done), he just *had* to embarrass me in front of several other of our colleagues...as if to make an example of me. He made a big, dramatic deal about it and was quite insulting. Later, when I told him that I wasn't pleased about the way he handled it, he got all huffy and insisted that he'd handled the situation correctly.
If we hadn't been friends for fifteen years, this wouldn't be such a big deal, but I'm furious at him right now.
When I have a dispute with somebody, particularly if it's somebody I consider a friend, I make sure to discuss it with that person in private...to avoid embarrassing the person. It's an act of respect that I think we can expect from friends.
This is the second or third time in three years I've had a "friend" choose to publicly embarrass me instead of making their criticisms in private.
I think I need to find better friends, or at least more tactful ones.