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Betrayal
Hi everyone! This is going to be my first fanfic ever. I hope you all are going to support me. I haven't come up with a title for this fanfic yet so I'm just going to call it" new fanfic" for now until I come up with name for it. You guys could also give me suggestions for the title.
To Hannah and Tido: this is not the fanfic with the girls traveling into the future. Since I wrote this fanfic before the time traveling one, I've decide to post this up first. I will post the other one up when I finish making changes to it.
<font size="1">[ February 10, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
<font size="1">[ February 18, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Hope you post a story soon, looking forward to it-danielle <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">
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Hey Jeh <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
<IMG SRC="smilies/frown.gif" border="0"> Gurl! You got me all excited when I saw your composed message and thought wow! New story by Jeh!
<IMG SRC="smilies/sigh.gif" border="0"> Oh well, hope you post the 1st chapter soon! <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
No prob. As long as you post up a fanfic for me to read <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">
<IMG SRC="smilies/thumbsup.gif" border="0">
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Hi Jeh! <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
So this is what you have been up to all this time and not reading my fanfic <IMG SRC="smilies/crying.gif" border="0"> JK I am really excited you have finally decided to post up your fanfic. So, this is not the one you told us about. I am so curious as to what this one is about. <IMG SRC="smilies/confused.gif" border="0"> Oh well, I just I will just have to wait to find out. Can't wait for you first chapter to be posted. <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0">
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Well guys, this is the prolouge. The names will be in vietnamese.
" Open the door!", a voice rumble in the dark and rainy night
" General Ly(Lee?), do you want us to break in?", a soldier asked
General Ly nodded and the soldiers break into the large mansion. Inside were dead bodies everywhere.
" General, it seems that this woman is still alive."
The general quickly came over to the woman, she was badly wounded. A knife was stuck on her back, blood flowed out of her wound freely.
" Ha phu nhan (Lady Ho), Ha phu nhan! What happen?" General Ly asked while holding the woman in his arm. <IMG SRC="smilies/starwars.gif" border="0">
<font size="1">[ February 10, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Here is the other part to the prolouge. My computer was having problem yesterday so I couldn't finish typing it.
" Bich nhi(a name that parents use in a loving way), Bich nhi... Ha... took care of Thanh nhi... find Bich..." the lady muttered, and slowly closed her eyes.
" My Hanh, no! Don't die! My Hanh!" <IMG SRC="smilies/crying.gif" border="0">
<font size="1">[ February 10, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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So, how is my story? I just thought of a name for it. It could be:
Romance or Love Story of the Maiden in White
or
Fate or Destiny of Two
Have any of you guys thought of a name for my fanfic yet. I would appreciate some suggestions. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
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Hi Jeh - just a question for you.. which period is your story set in? Not very many clues there! Keep writing...
<IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="80%" bgcolor="#dcdcdc" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="1"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="10" bgcolor="#DCDCDC"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#eeeeee"><font size="1">Originally posted by Em:
<STRONG>Hi Jeh - just a question for you.. which period is your story set in? Not very many clues there! Keep writing...
<IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0"></STRONG></font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>
Well,I don't really know. By the way, I made some changes to the prolouge so you might want to take another look at that. My computer have been experiencing some technical difficulties so that's why I haven't been posting the chapter for this fanfic. I will post it soon.
<font size="1">[ January 17, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Here's the first chapter:
Chapter 1: The Girl In White
" Clang!" the sound of two swords hitting eachother were heard
A young maiden in white with her face hidden under a white veil is fighting with a man in a black robe.
The maiden is indeed very skill in martial arts. Her sword move very quickly yet gracefully.
The man was looosing. He couldn't block her sword fast enough.
As quick as lightning,the maiden send his sword flying to a tree nearby.
Not letting the man a chance to recover from the shock, the maiden put the tip of her sword almost touching the man's neck while sealing his pressure points.
" Give me that bag!!" the maiden ordered
" No, that is very important to our sect. I can't let you have it." the man replied
" Look like you don't have any choice, do you?"
With that said, the maiden search his body. She pull out a small brown bag and put it into her shirt.
" Your pressure point will be unseal in an hour. I will be long gone then. That should teach you a lesson to not steal stuff from people."
The maiden use her kinh kong( a type of martial arts that allow you to jump really high and do somersault in the air) to get away.
Thank you for reading <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0"> and please leave comments. By the way, the names in the prolouge is change again. If you don't want to be confuse then you should check it out.
<font size="1">[ February 05, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Chapter 2 The Massacre
" Kill them! All of them!" a maiden in blue wiht her face hidden under a blue veil ordered.
Her men immediately follow her order.
Later in the same day,
" I can't beleive it!", Luu (Lau) lao gia ( master?) slam his hand on the table and shouted furiously, " All people of Trinh (Cheng) gia trang ( family?) and Tran (Chan) gia trang were kill on the same day. Without them my plan can't carry on!"
" Lao gia, calm down. Have you ever thought of..." Le (Lai) quan gia ( a servant who control the other sevants) told his master
" Ah, ah. Le Phu, good idea." laugh Luu lao gia, obviously feeling better
Thank you for reading. <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0"> Please leave comments. If I translate something wrong, please tell me and I will correct it. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
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Some info on the maiden in white: She is the only descendant of the Snow Castle Sect. They are known for their White Phoenix Sword Style and White Hurricane Sword Style. Her sifu and su mau( sifu's wife) have one day left her and die a very misterious death. Their last word to her was to find the Blue Pearl and uncover the secret inside it.
Brief summary: An innocent maiden who suddenly got caugh up in all the affair of the molam world. She will uncover secrets about her family and the biggest secret which may turn her perfect life upside down. She will finally feel love and be loved. In the end, which one truly love her? Will she choose the path of tragedy or happiness? Read this story and find out.
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Chapter 3 : The Brown Bag
The maiden in white was walking down a hill when she reached a dead end. She touch a rock on the right side of her and the wall open up. The maiden walked inside and the wall close up.
Inside was very bright but there wasn't any light source.
There was a huge rock that act as a table.
On top of the rock is several long woods that was carved very delicately. The woods was standing up with words written on it.
The maiden walked toward the rock and kneel down.
" See fu, su mau (see fu's wife), elders. After three years of searching,I have found half of the Blue Pearl." The maiden reach into her shirt and brought out the brown bag.
She open it, revealing half of a blue pearl. It have markings on it but all she could make out was a small imprint of her name, " Bich", on it.
" I will try to find the other half. I now wish that you all could rest in peace in the Golden River."
The maiden stopped and weep. Tears were flowing out of her eyes and onto the ground.
Thank you for reading. <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0"> Please leave comments.
<font size="1">[ February 05, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Hey Jeh!
Good start so far!!! Can't wait for the next chapter! Only complaint is that your chapters are so brief. <IMG SRC="smilies/tongue.gif" border="0"> Either longer chapters or more chapters. jk
Anyways, I think the title Romance of the Maiden in White sounds good. Keep up the good work! <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
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Yay, my first reader! Glad to hear someone finally commenting on my fanfic. I know my chapters are way too brief, I will try to make it longer. So, Tido, where have you been? Haven't heard of you for awhile. Hannah's gone, too. Do you know where she is?
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Chapter 4: Identity Uncover
The maiden in white was trying to find clues about her two teachers' dissappearance and death. As she walked to the shelf, she spotted something.
" What's this?" She asked herself
The maiden held up a green box that she have never seen before.
Cautiously, she opened it to reveal a piece of paper folded four times.
She unfolded the paper, it said:
Bich nhi,
Su phu (teacher) and su mau (teacher's wife) know that we are old and won't be alive any longer. When you read this letter, we might have already dissappear from this world.
You have always wonder about your identity and your parent. It is time we inform you about it.
Your real name is Ha (Ho) Ngoc Bich. You have an older twin, her name is Ha (Ho) Ngoc Thanh.
Your parent was very rich and very generous. Their names was spread across the whole country for their generosity.
One day, they were traveling with you and your twin when they got attacked by the evil Dragon Ice Sect.
General Ly (Lee), your parent's best friend came too late.
We rescued you just in time. Your twin was nowhere to be found.
Later, we received news that General Ly (Lee) had took her in and raised her.
Before we could find them, General Ly (Lee) died of a very misterious death.
The other part to the letter was rip off.
Bich was extremely happy, she still have a twin.
These past three years have been hard for Bich.
With her two teachers' dissappearance and death, she was left all alone.
" Well, those days are over.", Bich thought to herself, " I will find Ngoc Thanh ty ty (older sister) and we will live happily together."
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Hey Jeh! <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
LOL!
Hannah is around. Just been slightly busy. <IMG SRC="smilies/sigh.gif" border="0">
Wow! Looks like I have alot to catch up reading. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
Anywayz, keep up the great work and the next time I'm back I will make a big comment about the story. <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
TC!!!
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Hannah, you're back <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> So you been busy huh? Well, hope to hear from you soon. Please update Nascent of Pain and Tale of Love and Feud In Shanghai. Anyway, here's the next chapter.
<font size="1">[ February 05, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Chapter 5: Reencounter
Ngoc Bich was walking along a river when...
" Co nuong (miss), give us back the bag!", the guy in black has come back with a couple of companions.
" It's not yours, why should I give it back to you?", Ngoc Bich retorted
" If you don't give it back to us, we will just have to take it by force!"
" Five guys against one girl. That's fair."
Ngoc Bich unleash her sword and charge toward the men. The men also unleash their sword.
Ngoc Bich have to jump this way and that to block the five swords.
Her sifu (teacher) have told her that she shouldn't show her martial arts skills in front of people unless she is desperate. Now, all Ngoc Bich could do is block the swords.
She turn around and clash her sword with one of the men while kicking another behind her.
Out of nowhere, a star-shape object flew toward Ngoc Bich and slash her shoulder.
The man in black kick Ngoc Bich and pull off her white veil.
Ngoc Bich fell on the ground and spit out blood. She use her hand to cover her wound and look at the men with anger.
The man stop in his track and stare at Ngoc Bich.
In front of him is a beautiful maiden dressed entirely in white. She look just like a goddess.
" What a bunch of losers. Ganging up on a girl. How about you pick on somebody your own size?", a strong muscular voice from out of nowhere yell.
" Who dare to call me a loser? Show yourself!", the man in black in black yell back and look around him.
Thank you for reading. <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0"> Please leave comments.
<font size="1">[ February 03, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
<font size="1">[ February 05, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Hi, I want to make a cast list for this fanfic but I don't know who to choose. I have decide to choose Kristy Yang as the main female lead and Louis Koo as the main male lead. What do you guys think about that? Please help me make this cast list.
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Chapter 6: My Hero
" Hmm, picking on a defenseless girl like that. Did your parents ever teach you manners?", a handsome man jump down of a tree nearby and stood facing the man in black.
" First, she is not defenseless. You did see that she was winning before I...", the man in black stop and change the subject, " Second, my parents did teach me manners. It's just that she won't give us back our stuff."
" Before you what? Before you attack behind her back? That was a dirty trick and you know it."
" Why should I argue with you anyway? Attack him, you idiots!"
The men all charge toward the newcomer but they were no match for him. He was able to defeat them all in a flash.
" Idiots, how could you think that you could defeat me, Luu (Lau) Tuan Kiet?", the newcomer scoff
The other men threw down something that cause the whole area to be cover in a thick fog.
When the fog have clear up, the men have dissappeared.
Tuan Kiet turn and walk away but a weak voice call out to him:
" Help... me."
Tuan Kiet stop and turn around to face a pale girl. Her lip was purple and her face was as white as a sheet of paper.
Fearing that she might have been poisoned, Tuan Kiet grab her wrist and check her pulse.
Ngoc Bich look at the strange man and then everything went black.
Tuan Kiet took the star-shape object out of Ngoc Bich's shoulder. It has a python imprinted in the middle of it.
" The Black Python Sect.", he mutter to himself.
Thank you for reading. <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0">PLease leave comments.
<font size="1">[ February 08, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Okay, here's the cast so far:
Ha (Ho) Ngoc Bich/ Ngoc Thanh/ Thuy (Water) Nhi (Yee)- Kristy Yang
Luu (Lau) Tuan Kiet- Louis Koo
<font size="1">[ February 08, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Hey Jeh! <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
Finally got a chance to comment on your story.
I must say, your story is really good. It is so mysterious. The blue pearl...hmm. I like the atmosphere you created in the story. Keep up the great work!!! Update!
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Wow Jeh! I was wrong to wait too long to read this story. It's good. Glad you pick Louis Koo to be the lead, though I don't like Kristy all that much, but that's no problem. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> . HOpe you can update soon!
NickiX
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Hi Tido, <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
Thank you for the nice complement. I didn't have much faith in this fanfic at first because no one was replying. But now I'm happy because someone finally reply. I'm going to do the best I can in this fanfic so I won't let you guys down.
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Hey NickiX, yeah a new reader <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0"> I'm so happy. Glad that you find my fanfic good. You're too kind. So you're not a fan of Kristy. That's okay. At first, I wanted Jessica Hsuan as the female lead but then she wouldn't be what I would call beautiful. So I change to Ada Choi but she look old for Louis Koo. I was stuck on the female lead but then while writing chapter 9, I was imagining how my character would look like. When I imagine Thuy Nhi (haven't appear yet), her face look like Kristy's. Kristy is one of my favorite actress so I decide to cast her as the female lead. by the way, I was reading your signature thing, and it sounded good. Are you planning to start on a fanfic or you post it already and I just miss it?
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Hi Jeh,
Well, where's the update? I'm waiting... I thought you would post your fanfic before or after, but i don't see it. Hehe... well update soon!
Oh my signiture thingy... yeah it's already a fan fiction... That's my character intro. If you wanna read it I can give you the link to it, but I have to warn you though, it's not all that good and it's my first one too. Btw, it's not here because it would be out of place because it's a Thai fanfic with Thai actors and actresses. I really wanted to write a wuxia one, but it's hard not knowing anything about the customs and stuff. <IMG SRC="smilies/frown.gif" border="0">
NickiX
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Chapter 7: Misunderstanding
Characters in this chapter:
Ha Ngoc Bich-Kristy Yang
Luu Tuan Kiet-Louis Koo
Ngoc Bich slowly open her eyes but was startled by a man's face so close to hers.
" Get away from me!", she push the man away and try to stand up.
" Hey, what did you push me for?! Is that how you repay your savior?!", Tuan Kiet stood up and face Ngoc Bich
Ngoc Bich wasn't replying, she look down at her clothes. Seeing that she wasn't dress properly, anger arose in her.
Smack!!
Before Tuan Kiet could react, Ngoc Bich raise her hand and slap him.
" What was that for?!", Tuan Kiet rub his burning cheek
" That is for... for...You know what you did, you... pervert!!", Ngoc Bich shouted furiously
Ngoc Bich ran toward the exit and shouted back at Tuan Kiet:
" I, Ha Ngoc Bich, swear I will be back to kill you, Luu Tuan Kiet!!!", tears ran down her beautiful face.
After Ngoc Bich left, Tuan Kiet stood there wondering what on earth did he done that make Ngoc Bich so mad. He coudn't find the answer.
" Girls are queer, slapping a person for no reason. Geez, I hope I won't bump into that lion again.", he mutter to himself and settle down to sleep. <IMG SRC="smilies/argue.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/asleep.gif" border="0">
Thank you for reading <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0"> please leave comments.
<font size="1">[ February 10, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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<IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0">wonderful. Haha... I might end up like Kristy by the end of this fanfic. <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
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What does you mean by you will end up like Kristy at the end of this fanfic? <IMG SRC="smilies/confused.gif" border="0"> Anyway, I would like to see your fanfic, it seem good. I don't think it would be out of place here because this is a place for every fanfic regardless of whether it is wuxia, or thai, or I even saw a fantasy type of fanfic (like Lord of the Rings etc.) Can you post the link to it? Can't wait. I will update the next chapter this weekend or sooner if I'm not busy (I doubt it though, I have a major project I have to do). By the way, if you really wanted to write a wuxia fanfic, you should write one. It really doesn't matter if you know the customs and stuff. Just use your imaginations and write <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> Are you chinese, viet, or what?
<font size="1">[ February 10, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>
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Oops...I meant liking Kristy. I might change my mind about her...hehehe...
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Are you Japanese, Korean, Inndonesean, Singaporean... Well, I hope I can get you to like Kristy, then you will enjoy this story more because this fanfic is about her <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">. I haven't start reading your fanfic yet but I will soon. If you don't want to write a wuxia fanfic by yourself, we could write one together <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">.
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It'll be my honor <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0">. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> If you really want to just email me.
I believe I'll like your story even if I like Kristy or not... <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
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Chapter 8: We Meet Again
Characters in this chapter:
Luu Tuan Kiet-Louis Koo
Ha Ngoc Bich-Kristy Yang
Lam Thien Tuan-not sure
Tuan Kiet was looking around the marketplace when he spotted Ngoc Bich. He quickly hid his face behind a fan that he was examining.
" Oh no. If she spotted me, she will surely want to fight. I don't want to fight with a girl. Better get away quickly then.", Tuan Kiet thought to himself and ran to the opposite direction of Ngoc Bich.
He bump into someone.
" Hey, watch where you're going!!", a familiar voice yell
Tuan Kiet look up and saw the man from the Black Python Sect he fought with a couple of days ago.
" Oh, it's you. Luu Tuan Kiet.", the man recognize him, " So where's the girl?"
" Somewhere behind me.", Tuan Kiet reply, wishing that she have left already.
" The man look and saw who he was looking for. He and his men advance toward Ngoc Bich.
" Co nuong (miss), remember me?", he said
" No , who are you?", Ngoc Bich retorted rudely
" What?!"
" Are you deaf? I say no, I don't remember you."
" Don't remember me? I'm the person who injure you a couple of days ago, Lam Thien Tuan of the Black Python Sect."
" Black Python Sect?", Ngoc Bich look surprise and then she look at Thien Tuan with a deadly grin, " Prepare to meet your death."
Ngoc Bich unleash her sword and fought with the men.
Tuan Kiet quietly try to get away but turn back. He couldn't leave a maiden alone to defend herself with these evil men.
Tuan Kiet rush into the fight and help Ngoc Bich.
It was chaos in the marketplace. Everyone was trying to flee for their lives.
The seven fighters didn't seem to notice. They went on fighting, unaware of the surrounding around them. <IMG SRC="smilies/starwars.gif" border="0">
Thank you for reading <IMG SRC="smilies/bow.gif" border="0">, please leave comments. By the way, can you guys choose an actor for the role of Lam Thien Tuan. He's a jerk but going to be deeply in <IMG SRC="smilies/love.gif" border="0"> with Ngoc Bich.
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Great chapter! <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0"> Update soon...
NickiX
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Hey jeh! <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
How are you?! It’s been long, huh? Wow! Finally just finished reading ur story and...oh my, it’s has a lot of action! <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
I like the idea with a maiden in the story, but however, I’ve always been totally against twin storylines, so hoped you will change my opinion on that <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">
Hehehe. Definately a good choice to pair Louis and Kristy up <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
Umm...sorry, but since I am half Viet and my viet isn’t that good, I’m abit confused with the characters in the story. <IMG SRC="smilies/frown.gif" border="0"> Can you please list down afew more cast? <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
Anywayz, So...What is the official title to this story?
UPDATE Soon! <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">
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Hi nickix, I won't be able to update soon <IMG SRC="smilies/frown.gif" border="0"> because I'm moving and my mom put my fanfic notebook at the new house. I'm still living at my old house so there's no way I could post any more chapters. I'm hoping I could move soon so I can update. Oh well, I will be working on my other fanfic, Revenge, then.
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Hi Hannah, you haven't update any of your fanfic for a long time. I'm still waiting. It's okay, I know you're busy. Tido mention that you're working on a website, what's the url. I would like to visit it <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> . Well, bye. Hope to hear from you soon.
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Hey jeh! <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
Hehehe. Sorry that I forgot to mention to you that I have just decided to post the latest update of A Tale Between Love And Feud In Shanghai on my site afew days before posting it here. But if you like, you can pop by my webbie now and read it.
Here is the URL:
Our Vision
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Hi, Hannah. I love your site! It's just so cool and colorful. I'm sure you'd put a lot of work on to your site. It's just so beautiful.