Originally Posted by
NakedFury
Oh my god im not sure i can take more of this. I asked a friend to read this chapter and give me her opinion on what was wrong with it, she just finished a masters in creative writting or something like this.
Like this part:
[BEEP~~~BEEP~~~]
Suddenly the sound of a police siren came, so everyone turned their heads and saw one police car quickly stop in front of the Zhang family's gate. The four car doors opened and four policemen sprinted out.
It’s unnecessary to say the sound of a police siren came, since the sound is signified above. They could also eliminate ‘the four car doors opened’ since they are saying four people sprinted out and the only way to do that is if there are four doors for quick exit.
They should’ve just written:
[BEEP~~~BEEP~~~]
Everyone turned their heads and saw a police car quickly stop in front of the Zhang family's gate. Four policemen sprinted out.
maybe im not used to chinese writing styles.