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Thread: Shuang Long Ji (Legend of the Two Dragons) - Original Wuxia Novel

  1. #1
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    Talking Shuang Long Ji (Legend of the Two Dragons) - Original Wuxia Novel

    Hi Everyone,

    I just recently finished writing my own Wuxia story and I'm in the process of editing it. I figure that as I finishe editing each chapter, I will post it here for people to read. As you read it, please let me know what you think.

    Thanks,
    Bai Lun

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    SHUANG LONG JI - THE LEGEND OF THE TWO DRAGONS

    A Wuxia Martial Arts Novel

    Written by Bai Lun

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    CHAPTER I: The Young Scholar

    The room was filled with noise as the men drank and laughed. They had all been sitting there for several hours now, amusing each other with stories of all types. Most of the men were merchants, traveling the different roads, earning a living selling their goods. Some had been on the road for years and had families waiting for them back at home. Others were young and just starting out on their path. None of them had met before tonight. Six of the merchants shared a table in a small little inn on a road in the countryside of the Jiangxi province.
    They, and those seated in tables near them, were currently being entertained by a young man called Teng. He stood out among the others because he had the appearance and behavior not of a merchant, but a scholar, someone who had spent hours reading and writing and came from different stock than the merchants.
    A young girl of about eighteen came over to Teng’s table and filled the mens' glasses with more wine. One of the merchants looked up at her and grinned, his smile missing one or two teeth.
    “You’re looking very pretty tonight, Xiao Hong!” The girl smiled, embarrassed at the comment, but enjoying it none the less. She spoke in a playful scold.
    “You shouldn’t say such things, Cao! What would my father say if he’d heard that!” The merchant laughed.
    “Out of all the inns I stay at, this one is my favorite. Not because it has good food and drink, but because you’re here to serve it!” He raised his glass in the air. “To Xiao Hong, may she always be here to tend to our needs as we rest from our journeys.” All of them raised their glasses.
    “To Xiao Hong!” The girl smiled and turned to walk away, but another merchant playfully grabbed her dress and pulled her on to his lap. Being accustomed to this kind of behavior from semi-drunk men at the inn, the girl was not surprised and went with it. The merchant had foul breath and his face was covered with pot-marks.
    “Xiao Hong, when are we going to get married?” He smiled. She laughed out loud.
    “Now why would I want to marry you?” The merchant pondered this for a moment.
    “Every good man deserves a good wife.”
    “If I see a good man around here, I’ll be sure to marry him,” she said. All of the men burst out laughing while the merchant jokingly placed his hands on his chest and spoke in a humorous whiny voice.
    “My heart is breaking Xiao Hong! You mean to say you don’t love me?” She went along with his act and spoke in a similar voice.
    “Of course my dear, that is exactly what I mean to say!” The men burst out laughing again as the girl got up and walked away from their table.
    “You’re not leaving us are you?” all the merchants said together in a teasing tone. She looked back at them and smiled.
    “Just for a little while. Why don’t you have your friend over there entertain you some more?” All eyes turned back towards Teng, who had remained silent the whole time. His smile was meek. One of the merchants spoke, prodding Teng with his arm.
    “She’s right. Tell us another story.” Everyone murmured in agreement. Teng took a swig of wine, placed his glass on the table and began.
    “This one’s about Shuang Long Ji, the Legend of the Two Dragons, men who fight not for fame or fortune, but honor. They travel throughout the country doing good deeds where they can and fighting evil where they find it. They’re supposed to be fast. Fast like lightning.” Teng made several quick swinging motions as if he were holding a sword, pretending to jab at several of the merchants, who jumped a little as he swung at them.
    “You have to be careful. If you see one of them, the other’s usually not far away. That’s how they trick their enemies. For instance, there was a road that was known to be dangerous. Thieves would hide in the nearby forest and ambush anyone who passed by to steal whatever they had.” Teng got out of his seat and began to walk around the table, lowering his voice, as if he were whispering into the ear of each merchant as he passed them.
    “One of these Dragons walked down the road by himself, humming a tune and acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Naturally, the thieves in the woods saw this and began to follow him. Eventually, they revealed themselves and went to rob him, not realizing that they were the ones that were being ambushed.” Teng clapped his hands together so loudly it startled some of the merchants.
    “The other Dragon appeared from thin air and the two of them made short work of the thieves before they even knew what had happened. But the best part is that they didn’t kill the thieves. They simply knocked them out and when they woke up, they found that their clothes had been stolen right off their backs, leaving them naked and looking like idiots. Things got worse though when the thieves, in their confusion, finally managed to stumble back to the cave where they had stored their loot. They found that it had vanished. Every last bit gone!” Teng paused and there was silence until one merchant ventured a question.
    “So what happened to their loot?” Teng turned and looked at him.
    “No one knows. Some say the Two Dragons hoard the loot they take from thieves, others say they give it back to the people it was stolen from. It’s hard to say for sure.” The merchant smiled and raised his glass of wine in the air.
    “Well here’s to the loot. If it’s out there, may one of us poor fools be fated and lucky enough to run across it!” All the merchants raised their glasses and shouted in unison, “to the loot!”
    For awhile longer they all continued to drink and tell stories. The stories were many, being short and long, about heroes, adventures, life on the road, and so forth until one by one, the merchants began to retire to their rooms for night, leaving Teng to sit by himself at the table. His soberness had faded away long ago, but he wasn't drunk enough to pass out. He just continued to sip his wine and stare around the empty inn.
    He pushed back the stool he was sitting on and was about to go to bed when he noticed a thin scroll of parchment placed on the ground under the spot where his stool had been sitting for most of the night. Curious, he picked it up and unrolled it. There was a hand-scrawled message on the parchment. Teng rubbed the sleep from his eyes and began to read.

    You are a gifted storyteller, Teng, and we
    enjoyed listening to your stories tonight.
    You have the potential to become a great
    scholar one day. Perhaps we’ll meet again.

    The bottom of the parchment was signed with two characters: Two Dragons. Teng’s eyes opened wide with shock. He jumped up to his feet, knocking his stool over. He read the letter over and over until the truth finally sunk in. The Two Dragons were real! They were real and they had been sitting at one of the tables in the inn tonight, listening to the stories he had told! They’d been so near, but yet he had no idea what they might have looked like. In all the stories he’d heard about them in his travels, he’d never once heard anything about what they might have looked like. Scratching his head, Teng read the letter over several more times and smiled. Then he went to his room to sleep.

    * * *

    The next evening, Teng was walking down one of the roads near the inn, still thinking about the night before. For most of his academic life he’d been studying the Two Dragons, hoping that he would someday be able to find out more about them, who they were, and why did what they did.
    Teng’s father had been a scholar like him, but had only past the first round of imperial examinations and gone no further. He had tried several times to reach the next level, but with no success. Having resigned himself to his fate, Teng’s father became a tutor to a wealthy, high-ranking family’s children. It was his father’s earnest hope that Teng might be able to succeed where he had failed. All his life, Teng had been encouraged to become a scholar and to prepare for the imperial examinations in the hope that one day he might have the chance to become a government official.
    This was all fine and good, but he wasn’t sure if it was what he really wanted. Teng had already passed the first examination and the next one was still several years away. Despite his modest income, Teng’s father had provided for Teng’s living, insisting that he should spend his time in study without the distractions of tutoring for a living. Teng had been enormously grateful for this, but still something was nagging him in the back of his mind.
    He loved books and reading, but somehow, he wanted more. As a child he’d always been fascinated by stories of heroes and villains, ghosts and demons, and others. That was his passion. He wanted to tell stories, wanted to take what he heard and record it for the generations to follow him.
    The Two Dragons had been the focus of this passion in recent years. Ever since he’d first heard of their existence, he’d been collecting stories about them, trying to record everything he heard. Information and details were sketchy at best. No one knew who they were or where they had come from. They were like phantoms that he was looking for, but would disappear into thin air the more he searched.
    Teng pulled out the parchment he had found under his stool the previous night and looked over it again. For the first time, he felt a hint of validation in his goal to find out something of these Two Dragons. Against his father’s advice and wishes, Teng had decided to take a year off from studies and travel the various roads and provinces, searching for any truth in the stories of the Two Dragons and now the parchment that he held in his hand was the first sign that he might be making progress.
    Teng looked around to discover that he’d wandered off the road and was now walking through a field filled with tall grass, gently blowing in the night’s breeze. He came to an old tree and sat down against the truck, gazing up at the stars in the sky. The Two Dragons often filled his thoughts. He admired them for their actions, for their bravery to fight injustice, knowing so few people could or would these days. He wanted to know more about them. Who were they and where did they come from?

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    CHAPTER II: A New Path

    5 Years Earlier

    Quan Jun woke up to find himself sitting upright in bed, his skin drenched with sweat and his body shaking. He opened his eyes and glanced around his cell. No one else was there except him. His cell contained only a bed, a chair, and a window. Outside, rain was pouring in torrents from the sky, making a drumming sound on the ceiling. Jun sat still for a moment, thinking about his dream. A tear slipped from his eye and ran down his face. After rubbing his eyes, Jun got out of bed, put on a simple brown robe, tied a cord around the waist, and walked towards the window, staring out into the rain.
    “It was so real,” he thought to himself, “as usual.” He moved towards a pair of sandals sitting on a crude stone floor and slid his feet into them.
    As the rain continued to pour outside, Jun walked down a long hallway. In the darkness there was the faint outline of doorways leading to other rooms beyond. Jun passed them without a second glance. Although he couldn't see it, he could hear the sound of a mouse scurrying in front of his path.
    “I remember every detail still, as if it had happened yesterday,” Jun thought as his mind slipped back to his childhood.

    He was five years old. It was a night exactly like this one. Rain was pouring, but not as quickly as the tears streaming down his cheeks. His father knelt down in front of him to wipe his face.
    “…but why Papa? Why do you have to go?”
    “It’s just the way things have to be, Jun. I wish I could explain more, but I can’t.” Jun lowers his head and stares at the ground.
    “Please don’t go, Papa. Please don’t go.” Tears begin to fill Jun’s father’s eyes as he grabs his little son with both arms and hugs him tightly.
    “I’m so sorry, but I have to. Someday you’ll understand.” His father releases him from his hug and looks Jun square in the face, lifting his head up so that their eyes meet. “I’ll always love you, son. Remember that. I’ll always love you.” Jun’s father lets go of him and stands up, slowly backing away into the darkness until he disappears completely. Jun, begins to sob uncontrollably, sits down on the muddy ground, and puts his face in his hands.

    Jun reached the end of the long hallway, walked out the doorway, and down a flight of steps until his feet touched the ground. There he stopped and stared off into the darkness, the rain drenching his robe.
    “Even after all these years, sometimes I still hope with all my heart that one night I’ll walk through that dark hallway, down these steps, and he’ll be waiting for me.” Jun stared out into the darkness, standing in front of the monastery where he was left by his father fifteen years ago. “But of course, he never is.”

    * * *

    Several days later, Jun stood in a small garden, picking tomatoes. He carefully looked at each one as he took them from the vine. Every now and then his hand pushed his long dark hair, a stark contrast to the other bald monks, away from his face. He was a bit taller than everyone else and always carried a look of thoughtful serenity in his eyes. He picked the tomatoes at a quick pace, but gradually slowed as his thoughts drifted elsewhere.
    “Quan Jun!” Jun snapped out of his thoughts and looked around behind him. A old, short monk halfway across the garden was staring at him. “Have you finished picking those tomatoes yet?” Jun glanced at the tomato vine and then down into his half-empty basket.
    “Uh, yeah. Almost there, Shifu!” Jun began to pick tomatoes at a frantic pace. The glimmer of smile crossed his master's face.
    “It looks like it.”
    After several minutes, the other monks begin to leave the garden, baskets in hand. Jun looked around and began to make his way towards the monastery.
    “Jun. Could I speak with you?” Jun stopped and turned around. His master was seated on a makeshift bench towards one end of the garden. Jun walked over to the bench and took a seat next to him, placing his basket of tomatoes on the ground. There was silence between the two of them for a minute.
    “Jun,” his master paused, as if collecting his thoughts, “Something has come up that I think we need to discuss.”
    “What is it Shifu?” Jun looked at his master, his face full of curiosity.
    “I believe you’ve reached a turning point in your life here. Each person has a path they follow throughout their life and sometimes they realize at some point that the path they’re now walking is not the same one they started on.” Jun turned his face away from his master and stared out towards the garden and spoke with a bit of disappointment in his voice.
    “You mean to say that I don’t belong here.”
    “For fifteen years we have taught you all we know about life, our ideas, our philosophy, our knowledge, but somehow I sense that this isn’t enough for you. Your mind and soul are restless. You seek something different from what we have to offer. This is a place for those who have found peace, but that is something you have not found and will not obtain by simply staying here.” Jun was silent, his mind turning over what he had just heard.
    “My mind would disagree with you Shifu, but my heart wouldn't. You have been good to me all these years and for that I am grateful, but I feel it would be a great disservice to you if I left.”
    “It would be a greater disservice if you stayed. All of us here walk one path, but you walk another. It is a path of mystery that has yet to be revealed. I have been here for over fifty years. I can now see the end of my journey, but yours is just beginning. Embrace it to its fullest. You must find what you’re searching for.”
    “I don’t know what that is.”
    “Yes you do. You dream about it every night. It has consumed your every spare thought since you came here.”
    “My father.”
    “Yes, your father. You seek to know who he is and why he left you here. Excellent questions, but you will not find the answers here.” His master slowly got up from the bench and began to walk back towards the monastery. Jun called after him.
    “Shifu, where should I begin?” His master turned back towards Jun and smiled.
    “That is something you’ll have to figure out.”
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    That's the end of the first post. I'll have the next one up in a few days!

  2. #2
    Senior Member charbydis's Avatar
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    Hi bai lun! Nice work!

    I like how you introduced the characters, and mostly the Two Dragons. It gives them a sense of mysteriousness. I am looking forward to your new installment. Your story sounds very original. But you can add some spacing between paragraphs because it is a bt hard to read in large chunks.

    Cheers,

    Charby
    "Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
    Cyril Connolly

  3. #3
    TommyH
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    Legend Of The Two Dragons? Sounds a bit like Twin Of Brothers. Hopefully it'll be as original as you claim it to be.

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    Default Next Two Chapters

    Here are the next two chapters. Sorry for the wait.

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    Chapter III: Chance Meeting

    For the first time since his childhood, Jun left the monastery. He stopped and turned to look at the old buildings one last time. In his heart, he felt a sudden stab of loneliness. This was his home. The only family he had truly known after all these years and now he was leaving it for good. Some part of him wanted to turn around and run back, but he knew he couldn’t. Shifu was right. His path lay outside the monastery.

    Jun looked down at his clothes. They were simple and plain. Perhaps something a farmer might wear. His long, dark hair was tied back in a knot. The sounds and smells of nature filled his ears and nose. Off in the distance, the sun was rising on the edge of the horizon, illuminating the vast countryside that lay before him. After taking a deep breath and gathering up his small pack of food he’d been given, Jun began to walk again, taking his first steps into the unknown.

    * * *

    For several days, Jun journeyed across fields and through forests, not really sure where he was going or what he would find. He hadn’t come across any other people so far and he began to realize how far away the monastery had been from the rest of the world. He looked around and studied the woods he was walking through. Sunlight streamed through the treetops, revealing the brilliant shades of green that the leaves had to offer. All around him he could hear the sounds of nature; birds chirping, animals calling to each other in the distance.

    Jun continued to walk until sundown. After awhile, he grew hungry and stopped to eat. As the night grew on, he made a fire to keep warm. A cold breeze had settled in with the darkness. Jun shivered and rubbed his hands together for warmth. He checked his pack. The food was nearly gone. He would probably need to hunt once the pack was empty. He wrapped up the pack again and sat cross-legged in front of the crackling fire.

    The wind grew a bit stronger, but Jun paid no mind for he was in deep meditation. Shifu had trained him well. He let his mind release from his body and drift away to a place where all material desires and feelings evaporated. He had always found it useful for thought and reflection, but he had always done it in the comfortable confines of the monastery. Now he was out among nature, trying to connect with his surroundings. What he felt was different than anything before. There was a great sense of empowerment, as if his destiny were now truly in his own hands. There was no one to lead or guide him. He must find his own way or he would be lost forever.

    He was pondering this when a vision of his father appeared in his mind. It was an image clearer than any of his dreams and was not one that he could remember. Jun wanted to speak to the image, to see if it was real, but somehow he couldn’t. His mind refused to let him do so.

    Jun opened his eyes to see that the fire was dying. He was confused by what he had just seen. Of course he wanted to find his father, but what did this image in his mind mean? Still puzzling over this, Jun leaned his back up against the tree behind him and eventually nodded off to sleep.

    * * *

    Jun woke early the next morning and continued upon his way. Eventually, he noticed that the trees were becoming farther apart. The forest must be coming to an end soon, he thought to himself. He walked for awhile, listening to the sounds around him. Something was not right. He could hear a sound in the distance that did not belong to any animal. The sound was quick, repetitive and was growing very loud, very quickly.

    With a quick glance around, Jun disappeared among the trees. A few moments later, a young boy about fourteen years old came darting through the trees as if he were running for his life. Following closely behind him were several armed men on horseback. They laughed as they chased their prey.

    “Come back here boy! We won’t hurt you! You can’t escape us! We’ll find you just like the rest! We always do!” The men continued chasing the boy until they had him cornered against a tree trunk with the boy’s back firmly pressed against the bark. The horses moved towards the trapped boy. He moved away from the trunk and was about to try and run, but was startled by Jun who seemed to appear behind him from thin air. The boy stared up at him in surprise. Jun glanced down at him and then fixed his gaze upon the armed men. There was a strong air of confidence in his voice as he spoke.

    “Good day gentleman. To what do I owe this pleasure?” The man who had spoken before to the boy flashed a look of annoyance.

    “This is none of your business stranger. Move along!” Jun stared at him, his eyes unblinking.

    “Given the situation, that seems to be the last thing I should do.” The man tilted his head slightly, his look of annoyance growing.

    “Really? Why would you say that?”

    “Four men against one unarmed boy appears a bit unfair, doesn’t it? Perhaps I could help even the odds.” The boy looked up again at Jun, unsure of his intentions. The man's smile was full of malice.

    “If you wish.” The man got off his horse and drew his sword. His three companions followed suit. The four of them surrounded the boy and Jun, their swords raised in the air, forming a tight circle around the two. The boy looked up at Jun again, fear leaping from his eyes. Then he looked back at there assailants who were almost upon them.
    The boy blinked his eyes once and after he did, they were wide open. He wasn’t sure if what he’d just witnessed had actually happened. He looked up again to see that Jun was still standing in the same position as before, unmoved, but this time his hair was a bit disheveled. The boy could not believe it. In the blink of an eye, this stranger had defeated the four armed men as if they were mere rag dolls.

    Cautious, the boy edged his way towards one of the men on the ground and leaned over him. The man was still alive, but unconscious. Evidently, this newfound stranger was not a killer. He had simply sought to incapacitate the men. The boy stood up straight again and looked back at Jun.

    “What’s your name?” he asked. Jun stared at him with a glint of curiosity in his eyes.

    “What’s yours?” At first, the boy thought it unwise to give his name, but as he stared at this stranger, his distrust began to melt away. There was something about him. Perhaps it was his expression or demeanor that projected an air of gentleness and honesty.

    “Li Da Long.” Jun smiled as he turned the name over in his mind.

    “You must possess the spirit of a great dragon to have such a name.” Da Long, unsure of whether this stranger was complimenting or insulting him, took a defensive tone.

    “I’m brave alright. I’ve been chased by armed guards lots of times and gotten away!”

    “But how many times have you been trapped by them?” Da Long was silent. He’d truly been in danger this time and the stranger knew it. His mind clamored for something to say. Jun struck a conciliatory tone.

    “I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself. I am Quan Jun.” Da Long’s face lightened.

    “It’s good to meet you, Jun. Who are you exactly?” Jun thought about his response for a moment.

    “I’m traveler. I go here and there.”

    “Looking for any place in particular?”

    “Not yet.”

    “Would you like a place to go to?”

    “Why not?”

    “How about coming with me to my family’s home? We seldom meet new people in
    these parts and my father would love to here about how you handled those guards.”

    “Lead the way.” Da Long smiled and began to walk, leading Jun through the woods. As they walked, Jun grew curious.

    “Da Long, you said that those men were guards. For whom?”

    “They work for the provincial governor. We don’t live very far from the provincial capital and he keeps a tight control over everyone around him. He commands and everyone obeys. Those who don’t are punished.”

    “Why were they chasing you?”

    “I disobeyed.”

    “In what manner?”

    “I saw those four guards hassling a farmer who was trying to take his harvest to market. They stopped him and demanded a “protection” tax, a bribe, basically. I saw them and got angry. I cursed at them and kicked one of them between the legs.”

    “That probably didn’t go over well.”

    “No it didn’t. They chased me, so I led them into the woods, hoping I could lose them, but I couldn’t. That’s when you appeared.” Jun chuckled at the story, but also grew a bit worried.

    “Da Long, do those men back there know your name or who you are?”

    “No. I just happened to be passing by when I saw what they were doing. Don’t worry. It’s not the first time.”

    “Just be careful in the future,” Jun said. Da Long’s response was silence as he continued to lead Jun towards his home.

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    Chapter IV: A Guest for Dinner

    Da Long’s home was on a farm near the outskirts of the provincial capital. As they approached the house, Jun noticed an older man in his fifties, his hair long gone with a thin white beard on his chin, standing in the entrance. He had his hands balled on his hips and was staring at Da Long. His face did not look inviting.

    “Da Long,” his tone was stern, “where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for awhile.” Da Long spoke, unafraid.

    “Father, I was out walking with my friend here and our conversation was so interesting that I lost track of time.” His father’s eyes narrowed on the two of them.

    “You were causing trouble again, weren’t you?”

    “Of course not!” Da Long’s father stared at him.

    “Alright! Maybe I was!”

    “Did you cause lots of it?” Da Long grinned.

    “Yes!”

    “That’s what I thought!” His father’s face immediately changed from a frown to a wide smile. He moved forward and wrapped his arms around his son, squeezing him tightly in a bear hug. The two laughed together. As he watched them, Jun felt a twinge of pain in his heart at the sight of seeing father and son, together and happy. Da Long’s father let him go and looked at Jun, still smiling.
    “And who is this?”

    “Father, this is Quan Jun.” Jun made a bow with his hands folded in front.

    “It’s an honor to meet you, sir.”

    “Please, call me Li Yuan. A friend of Da Long’s is a friend of mine. Dinner is nearly ready and you two look famished. Please join us, Jun.” Li Yuan gestured towards the entrance of the house.

    Upon entering, Jun’s nose was immediately filled with the sweet aromas of a meal being prepared and his mouth began to water. Li Yuan saw Jun’s face and smiled.

    “Don’t worry, Jun. We’ll be eating soon.”

    “But I didn’t…”

    “Trust me, I know a hungry face when I see one.” Li Yuan laughed and offered Jun a
    seat at the dinner table. Da Long sat down next to him.

    Moments later, a young girl, about seventeen years old came into the room, carrying several plates in her hands. The food that sat on them smelled and looked heavenly. Jun looked from the food to the girl and smiled, but she didn’t smile back. She didn’t even make eye contact with him as she put the food on the table before him. Li Yuan took a deep breath and spoke to the girl.

    “Excellent, Xiao Jing, excellent. You’ve outdone yourself again. Without looking at her father, Xiao Jing smiled and left the room again. A minute later, she returned with more dishes, never looking at anyone as she placed them on the table. After observing her behavior and her eyes, Jun began to wonder why she seemed a bit different.

    The answer came after she had finished placing the dishes. As she was placing chopsticks on the table for everyone, she dropped one. With swift speed, Jun caught it in his hand before it hit the ground. Not realizing Jun had caught it, Xiao Jing leaned over and without looking down, her hand began to feel the ground.

    “I’ve got it,” Jun said. Embarrassed, Xiao Jing took the chopstick from Jun’s hand. After observing this, Jun realized what was different about her. She was blind. At that moment, Li Yuan clapped his hands together and spoke.

    “It looks like we’re ready, but where’s Chen Wei.”

    “Just coming!” A tall, thin and gaunt looking man, about twenty years old, came in through the doorway, wiping sweat from his brow. His clothes wreaked from a hard day's work in the nearby fields.

    “Just in time,” said Li Yuan. “Everyone have a seat.” Chen Wei walked around the table and sat down next to Xiao Jing. Jun couldn’t be sure, but he detected a hint of affection between the two based on their body language towards each other. As Chen Wei settled in, he saw Jun.

    “Hi, I’m Chen Wei, and you are?”

    “Quan Jun”

    “Jun is a friend of Da Long’s” said Li Yuan.

    “Good to meet you,” said Chen Wei. After taking food from several of the dishes, he began to rapidly eat. Jun took some food for himself and began to eat. Immediately his stomach began to feel better as the hunger pangs subsided. The food was incredible.

    “This is delicious,” Jun said, wiping a bit of sauce from his lips. Although he had a considerable amount of food in his mouth, Da Long spoke in agreement.

    “Xiao Jing makes great food.”

    “She cooks as well as her mother did,” Li Yuan said, a trace of sadness in his voice. Xiao Jing looked rather embarrassed by the praise.

    “I don’t even come close to mother.” There was silence for a little as they continued to
    eat. Eventually, Li Yuan spoke up.

    “So Jun, how did you and Da Long meet?” Da Long replied before Jun could.

    “We actually just met today. I was being chased and…”

    “By whom, may I ask?” Li Yuan stared at his son, his face half serious, half curious.

    “Imperial guards.”

    “For whom?”

    “Xiong Ba.” A slight frown crossed Li Yuan’s face. Da Long didn’t notice as he continued.

    “I was running through the woods and they almost had me when suddenly from nowhere, Jun appeared. The men got off their horses to get us, but before they even knew what had happened, Jun had defeated them all at once.” Da Long made several quick swinging motions with his hands, striking invisible opponents. “He was fast. Very fast.” Everyone turned to look at Jun, who remained silent.

    “Impressive,” said Li Yuan. “It sounds like you’ve saved my son’s life today.” Jun spoke with sincere modesty.

    “I only did what any decent person would do.”

    “Ah yes, but I’m afraid to say there aren’t many decent people in these parts these days. Thank you for what you did.” Li Yuan’s face was serious as he spoke. Jun nodded his head slightly and continued to eat his food.

    * * *

    Long after the food was finished, the five of them continued to sit at the table, although Da Long, Li Yuan and Xiao Jing did most of the talking. Jun and Chen Wei remained silent most of the time. It was an experience unlike any Jun could remember. Of course, he’d witnessed lively discussions at the monastery, but they were of a more scholarly and brotherly nature. What he was partaking in now was the conversation of a close-knit family, one that had survived hardships including famine and the death of Da Long’s mother several years ago. He could tell that there was still deep-rooted sorrow at the mention of her name, but what impressed him was that they didn’t try to hide it.

    Quite the opposite, they shared their grief openly and Jun did what he could to be a good listener. He saw strength in their bonds as a family and knew that it would see them through good times and bad. Inwardly, Jun smiled. He was witnessing that family bond which always remains unbreakable, the same bond that he still shared with his missing father. He could feel their longing for Da Long’s mother to return and it struck a chord in his own heart, for he deeply wished for his father to return as well.

    * * *

    Long after the others had gone to sleep, Jun and Li Yuan sat up alone together. A few candles lit around the room provided them with a soft, pale glow. Li Yuan eyed Jun for a while, finally breaking the silence after a few minutes.

    “Jun, let me be honest with you. I’m glad that you shared dinner with us tonight. We normally don’t have many visitors and it's nice to have someone new to talk with.”

    “If you don’t mind my asking,” said Jun, “who exactly is Chen Wei? I gather that he’s not your son or nephew.” Li Yuan smiled as he answered.

    “Chen Wei was the son of one of my dearest friends. When he was young, his mother and father died in a terrible fire and afterwards, we took him in as one of our own, but I believe he’s never gotten over the loss of his parents. In his heart, he is still their son and feels that it would dishonor their memory if he were to take me as his father. I understand why he chose to do so. To lose one’s parents at such a young age is a horrible tragedy.” Jun nodded in agreement, knowing all to well what Li Yuan meant. Li Yuan continued, “I’ve tried as hard as I could to be a father to him, but there’s always been that coolness and separation that he places between he and I. I feel that I’m partly to blame. Perhaps I could have done more, tried something different.” Li Yuan looked down towards the ground. Jun smiled.

    “I don’t think that anyone could ask for a better father.” Li Yuan looked up towards Jun with an expression of warmth on his aged face. There was silence between them and for a moment, Jun felt a flicker of emotion in his heart, but wasn’t quite sure where it came from or what it meant.

    “You are an honorable young man, Jun, and a unique one I might add. Even though you don’t speak much, I can tell from your expressions and behavior. I am old and with the experience of my age, I have learned how to judge people. Most of us are farmers, toiling the land, but you come from somewhere different. Where, I don’t know and I wouldn’t presume to stick my nose in your business, for that belongs to you alone.” Jun listened, deeply impressed with Li Yuan’s powers of observation. He took in this man’s words and felt what he was really telling him: Don’t be afraid to trust us. Jun thought about this before he spoke.

    “The truth is that I’m a stranger to this world. I’ve spent most of my life in a monastery and have seen little else.”

    “Are you a monk?”

    “No. I could have become one, but somehow I never did.”

    “Perhaps your heart lies somewhere else. Maybe you're searching for something different than what they had to offer.”

    “That’s true, but I don’t know how to get there. I know very little about the world, or how to make my way through it.” Li Yuan leaned back in his chair, thinking to himself for a moment.

    “Well, until you get to where you’re going, you’re more than welcome to stay with us.”

    “I wouldn’t want to trespass on your hospitality.”

    “A friend does not trespass.”

    “But still, I would like to do something. Contribute in some way. Perhaps work in some capacity.” Li Yuan laughed gently.

    “An admirable philosophy, I must say. Our home is open to you for as long as you need, but if you insist upon working then perhaps something can be arranged.” Li Yuan took a scrap of paper and wrote a name upon it. “Tomorrow, Da Long can take you there. I know the owner and he may be looking for help.” Li Yuan handed the paper to Jun. He looked at it for a minute and read the name out loud, “Dragon’s Inn.”

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'll have the next few chapters up in a few days!

    -Bai Lun

  5. #5
    Senior Member Qin_Shu_Bao's Avatar
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    Ever consider publishing this, bai_lun? It`s pretty entertaining. I like how your chapters are long and lengthy, and you transition the events nicely. Good job!!

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    Default Two Dragons now available for download and print

    Thanks for your complement Qin Shu Bao. I really appreciate it. Hopefully with a bit of luck I can get it to a publisher some day.

    Also, I wanted to announce that I have a self-published version of this story now. So instead of continuing to post chapters on the forum, readers can either download this story for free or purchase a paperback copy at the following website:

    http://www.lulu.com/content/367185

    Please feel free to continue posting comments about the novel here. I look forward to hearing them.

    Thanks,

    Bai Lun

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    Short chapters. Very common beginning whereby mysterious powerful characters pop out suddenly. Dialogue needs some revision as they appear to be very plain. Storyline-wise, average, as I have only read until here so far.

    Otherwise, it was done quite well. Sorry if I have offended you with my comments.

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    I took a look at the link. It looks so professional. ^__^

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    Default Thanks for comments

    No need to apologize pacifian. I'm not offended at all . I love to hear all sorts of constructive comments/criticism. It's one of the best ways to improve as a writer.

    Qin Shu Bao, glad to hear you like the link. If you get some time, try downloading the book for free from there and let me know what you think.

    Thanks,

    Bai Lun

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    Quote Originally Posted by bai_lun
    No need to apologize pacifian. I'm not offended at all . I love to hear all sorts of constructive comments/criticism. It's one of the best ways to improve as a writer.

    Qin Shu Bao, glad to hear you like the link. If you get some time, try downloading the book for free from there and let me know what you think.

    Thanks,

    Bai Lun
    very good job

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    Quote Originally Posted by bai_lun
    Thanks for your complement Qin Shu Bao. I really appreciate it. Hopefully with a bit of luck I can get it to a publisher some day.
    It's good that you're not offended, because you do have some potential in being a good writer.

    If you don't mind, this busybody reader of yours would like to make some more comments.

    Good points:
    Nice description, good way in getting the readers engaged. Readers can feel the atmosphere which you are writing. The dialogue near the end is quite interesting though.

    Room for improvement:
    Long after the food was finished, the five of them continued to sit at the table, although Da Long, Li Yuan and Xiao Jing did most of the talking. Jun and Chen Wei remained silent most of the time. It was an experience unlike any Jun could remember. Of course, he’d witnessed lively discussions at the monastery, but they were of a more scholarly and brotherly nature. What he was partaking in now was the conversation of a close-knit family, one that had survived hardships including famine and the death of Da Long’s mother several years ago. He could tell that there was still deep-rooted sorrow at the mention of her name, but what impressed him was that they didn’t try to hide it.

    Quite the opposite, they shared their grief openly and Jun did what he could to be a good listener. He saw strength in their bonds as a family and knew that it would see them through good times and bad. Inwardly, Jun smiled. He was witnessing that family bond which always remains unbreakable, the same bond that he still shared with his missing father. He could feel their longing for Da Long’s mother to return and it struck a chord in his own heart, for he deeply wished for his father to return as well.
    Nice description, but rather than just expressing it through words and show readers the warmth Jun felt, you might want to add more of their dialogue and slip these sentences describing his feelings a little at a time. Because what you wrote here may be touching and engaging, but it is not expressive enough. You need to show how their display of familial affection affected him, not just description.

    Moreover, this story is more of what Jun sees and hears, not participate in the events yet. Due to short description, the characters lacked some characterisation. And you might want events to unfold more. His aquaintance with those people he met along the way will not leave a long impression on readers, albeit interesting.

    Sorry for ranting too much, I always tend to comment everytime I see a show, movie, or read a book, especially wuxia ones.

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