ROCH chapter corrections

[Athena]

I am just a backseat driver. You and the translators did a wonderful job.
And chapter 3 is perfect now.

However, I came across this in chapter 27: At that time in the martial realm, the most famous female martial experts were Huang Rong and Li Mo Chou. 'Qing-jing san-ren' (Sole Purity) Sun Bu Er was already famous before them but her wugong (martial arts) were inferior. Xiao Long Nu: was good enough wugong-wise but she was still too young and not experienced, she was barely known.

In the past, I helped Noodles to translate [清靜散人] to the Sage of tranquility, although I have to admit there is nothing tranquil about Sun Bu'Er (or Bu'er).
I think we should use the Sage of Tranquility back again.
Furthermore, I believe Noodles translated Li Mochou's nickname into the Serpent Deity. Because Chilian is also a name of poisonous snake.

I still have some comments on that paragraph. According to the novel it should be something like this: The most famous female martial arts experts were Huang Rong and Li Mochou in the realm at this time. The sage of tranquility, Sun Bu'er was already famous all time before them, but her martial arts were inferior to them. Xiao Longnu was martial arts-wise good enough and after the incident with Huo Du when she turned 18 and her fight at the Heroes Gathering she became very famous. But her fame paled in comparison to Huang Rong and Li Mochou.

I also have a question, how are "we" going to call Lin Chaoying's martial arts school? Is using the hanyu pinyin Gumu Sect/School? Or Ancient Tomb school/sect? I think we should choose one and stick to that one. What are your thoughts on these aboved mentioned items?

[JamesG]

I am just a backseat driver. You and the translators did a wonderful job.
And chapter 3 is perfect now.

However, I came across this in chapter 27: At that time in the martial realm, the most famous female martial experts were Huang Rong and Li Mo Chou. 'Qing-jing san-ren' (Sole Purity) Sun Bu Er was already famous before them but her wugong (martial arts) were inferior. Xiao Long Nu: was good enough wugong-wise but she was still too young and not experienced, she was barely known.

In the past, I helped Noodles to translate [清靜散人] to the Sage of tranquility, although I have to admit there is nothing tranquil about Sun Bu'Er (or Bu'er).
I think we should use the Sage of Tranquility back again.
Furthermore, I believe Noodles translated Li Mochou's nickname into the Serpent Deity. Because Chilian is also a name of poisonous snake.

I still have some comments on that paragraph. According to the novel it should be something like this: The most famous female martial arts experts were Huang Rong and Li Mochou in the realm at this time. The sage of tranquility, Sun Bu'er was already famous all time before them, but her martial arts were inferior to them. Xiao Longnu was martial arts-wise good enough and after the incident with Huo Du when she turned 18 and her fight at the Heroes Gathering she became very famous. But her fame paled in comparison to Huang Rong and Li Mochou.

I also have a question, how are "we" going to call Lin Chaoying's martial arts school? Is using the hanyu pinyin Gumu Sect/School? Or Ancient Tomb school/sect? I think we should choose one and stick to that one. What are your thoughts on these aboved mentioned items?

I would revise this sentence to make less awkward:
"The Sage of Tranquility, Sun Bu'Er was already famous well before them,"
and.."Xiao Longnu was, martial arts-wise, good enough" (commas added)

My thought on the Gumu/Ancient Tomb Sect name is, in the first instance, to use Ancient Tomb Sect [Gumu Sect] and Ancient Tomb Sect alone thereafter.

Thoughts most modest Goddess?

[fox-s]

Moeinllion use "Lady of Purity and Tranquility' (direct translation of qing jing - or was it jing qing? can't remember)

But if you two has reached agreement I will follow that.

On the names of school and stances, I am using 'pin yin' [translation], e.g. 'gu mu pai' [Ancient Tomb Sect]. Then next time it appears again, I just use the [translation], e.g. Ancient Tomb Sect.

My problem is: the previous chapters were done by various translators, so I don't have any control over them. But I promise to follow the guidelines you develop here for my future work.

[Bangs]

Chapter 3:

(Yang Guo faced turned and said, “I’m not playing.” and turned around and walked away.)

Yang Guo's face

(This type is called the “Centipede Cricket” and those which live with poisonous snakes and are called “Snake Crickets”.)

Snakes are

(A normal adult wouldn’t withstand it.)

couldn't (note: Im not sure bout this one but if you use wouldn't here it implies that the person chooses not to withstand it instead of not being able to withstand it when trying to.)

(He thought, “I’d rather jump and die, then get caught by those two and get beaten up again.”)

than

(Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large rock from the corner of his eye, the large rock on resting on several small stones, not at all steady.)

is

(Guo Fu smiled and asked, “Mother, I need to this as well?”)

to do this

(Yang Guo’s was able to memorize the texts quickly, but objected to the texts and manuscripts though he didn’t raise an objection.)

Yang Guo (Note: The whole sentence doesn't make any sense)

(After a while, Wu Xiuwen regained consciously after Guo Jing had channeled his internal energy into him. Guo Jing then bought Ke Zhen E and Guo Fu to the scene.)

consciousness
brought

(Guo Jing’s faced lost its colour, as he remembered the events of the Iron Spear Temple, his body trembled, unable to speak.)

face

(He was still a child, and eventually could not resist turning his head back to fight.)

to the fight

(The seven Taoists kung fu was not ordinary; although they were facing adversity they managed to stay in formation.)

Taoists' kung fu

(Suddenly he heard the breathing sounds of a crowd of people coming from the nearby.)

from nearby




Reading the first few chapters I realize that the anime LOCH changed a whole lot of the story from the novel. Damn I wish a bigger anime studio recreate the whole condor trilogy story and not change a damn thing.

Well that's it..... Goodnightie!

[JamesG]

Bangs is a nag!

[HuangYushi]

(Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large rock from the corner of his eye, the large rock on resting on several small stones, not at all steady.)

is

You mean *was*.

[JamesG]

Gad! Another nag!
Got to finish the names thing in chapter 4, then I'll do the minor fixes in 3.
G'nite all.

[Athena]

[清靜] means peace or tranquility (Times dictionary). So why use two words when one word could translate those two characters.

As for [散人], it is not a term that is explicitly used for women. If one loosely tranlates [散人], it becomes carefree philosopher.
[散人] are literary scholars (with or without a life stylistic background; Taoist, Buddhist) who have retreated from the world.

As for Sun Bu'er (or Sun Bu'Er), she is also a Taoist enlightened priestess. And is called [孫真人]. [真人] is the term to address an eminent, wise and enlightened Taoist priest or priestess.
So, by using the Sage of Tranquility I tried to also address her status as a Taoist enlightened wise priestess (a sage). Killing two birds with one stone.

Another small comment.
For Taoism: males are Taoist priests, females Taoist priestesses.
for Buddhistm: males are Buddhist monks, females Buddhist nuns.

So, Sun Bu'er (Sun Bu'Er), Li Mochou and Hong Lingbo are Taoist priestesses. I think I saw that in chapter 1 Hong Lingbo was called a young nun. I think a young priestess would be better.
And the nun who gave Guo Xiang a present at her 16th birthday, Shengyin should be called a Buddhist nun. I read that she was called a priestess.

Ancient Tomb Sect it is.

[fox-s]

Sage of Tranquility it is.

I just thought that 'qing' could also mean crystal clear, hence the 'purity' part. But you are right, why use longer wording when a shorter one will do?

[Bangs]

You mean *was*.

Oh yeah I meant *was*. I forgot the novel uses past tense in every sentence.

[JamesG]

Oh yeah I meant *was*. I forgot the novel uses past tense in every sentence.

Does "Yang Guo was able to memorize the texts quickly. He objected to learning texts and manuscripts but he didn’t raise any objections." meet with your approval?

Remember the nun vs priestess, monk vs priest distinctions when you're checking the chapters. Athena has spoken!

I now know where the 'dan tian' resides. While having breakfast I just happened to have the TV turned on to a channel showing the tail-end of a Tai Chi instructional series. The Grand Master instructor showed how to press the fists into the 'dan tian' followed by 10 breaths in order to relieve lower back pain. He referred to to the flow of 'chi' as internal massage.

[hhaung]

"Yang Guo was able to memorize the texts quickly. He objected to learning texts and manuscripts but he didn’t raise any objections."

May I suggest the following?

Yang Guo was able to memorize the texts quickly. Even though he disliked learning (or did not want to learn) the texts and manuscripts, he didn't raise any objections.

[JamesG]

May I suggest the following?

Yang Guo was able to memorize the texts quickly. Even though he disliked learning (or did not want to learn) the texts and manuscripts, he didn't raise any objections.

We'll compromise
Yang Guo was able to memorize the texts quickly. Though he disliked learning texts and manuscripts, he didn't raise any objections.

[hhaung]

Sure! It sounds much better.

[JamesG]

Oh yeah I meant *was*. I forgot the novel uses past tense in every sentence.

Bought vs brought is consistently wrong in many of the translations. I catch/caught about 98% of them.

Chapter 4 is up.
"Lay on, Macduff [Bangs],
And damn'd be him that first cries, 'Hold, enough!'"

[rayon]

Oh yeah I meant *was*. I forgot the novel uses past tense in every sentence.

The *was* should be removed all together. That section of the statement is merely a phrase hence does not need any linking verb. If you add a linking verb like *was*, you would have to make it into a completely different sentence by adding a *;* instead of a comma before the phrase to which it belongs.

So the line would therefore read like this:

Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large rock from the corner of his eye; the large rock [ remove *on*, replace with *was*] resting on several small stones, not at all steady.

Or it could read like this:

Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large rock from the corner of his eye, the large rock[ remove *on*] resting on several small stones, not at all steady.

Yes, very nitpicky, but this is an editing job, after all.

[JamesG]

Or it could read like this:

Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large rock from the corner of his eye, the large rock[ remove *on*] resting on several small stones, not at all steady.

Yes, very nitpicky, but this is an editing job, after all.

OR...
Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large rock from the corner of his eye; the rock, resting on several small stones, was not at all steady.

OR...
Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large loose rock from the corner of his eye.

[Bangs]

I'll be back tomorrow to proof read chapter 4, I'm visiting my brother's house today so I won't have much time to surf the net. Good luck guys..

[JamesG]

I'll be back tomorrow to proof read chapter 4, I'm visiting my brother's house today so I won't have much time to surf the net. Good luck guys..

Good food there?

[rayon]

OR...
Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large rock from the corner of his eye; the rock, resting on several small stones, was not at all steady.

OR...
Yang Guo’s blood rose again, and was about to jump when he saw a large loose rock from the corner of his eye.

This kind of reminds me of the quick brown fox who jumped over the lazy dog who was so lazy he didn't mind that the quick brown fox jumped over him, so the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog again and that was how the quick brown fox ended up quick and brown and always jumping.

Probably why I hate editing jobs. Good going, Wizzy! And the rest of the editors.