ROCH chapter corrections

[JamesG]

As promised, here's the new thread that will let everyone do a final proof reading of the ROCH chapters. I'll post this chapter for three days and replace it with the next one. If you think you've found something, just copy the sentence and post it with your suggested correction.
'The Tired Eyed Wizard'.

CHAPTER 40

We’re done!

[Bangs]

"though only sixty words were sung, the season, time of day, place, scenery and the girl’s faces, clothes, hair adornments, emotions were all described meticulously."

I was wondering if this is intentional. If you say girl's faces then it kinda makes me think that she has several faces which is highly unlikely. I believe its better to say girl's face as she only has one or if the sentence is referring to all the girls then its better to say girls' faces. I'll read more later...

[JamesG]

I deleted this post

[Bangs]

"The hair on that man is all messed up, his beard loose, the colour of his beard was black like a crow's, indicating that he is not very old, although his face has traces of wrinkles like those of an seventy or eighty year old."

I'm not sure if this is correct, but I believe "a seventy" is the proper construction of this part of the sentence.

"The handkerchief was soaked in blood. She used her left hand to press hard on the wound and after a while the bleeding stop."

*stopped* (past tense)

"You’re not ah Yuan? You are not ah Yuan?" he was expressionless for half an hour. "Hmm, around twenty years ago Ah Yuan was your age. Now Yuan has grown up and doesn’t need father anymore. The only thing in your heart is Lu Zhan Yuan, that swine."

Uhm, Ah or ah? Not really sure which is which.

[JamesG]

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[JamesG]

Ah is correct.

[Bangs]

Correct on both counts. Seems like you're the only one who cares about this. I'll replace chapter 1 with chapter 2 tomorrow evening. Thanks Bud!

Make it 3 days, I haven't checked the whole chapter, I hope some people would join us.

[JamesG]

One more day it is.

[Candide]

Talking about this and the copies I've received for wuxiapedia, do you (translators) really want to clearly mark "translated by <person>" for each block? The translator list at the top already has the names (which btw you can use your real names or emails if you wish, it looks more "professional" that way ). Or I can change that into anchors and put the "translated by" at the bottom. It just looks odd for a final copy to have things that aren't in the actual novel to appear in the middle. Usually as an editor I just take actions that I feel are appropiate but I'd like to have your inputs. What do you think?

[bubba]

Keep up the good work JamesG and the rest of the translators. It's been a while since I took writing classes in college, so I may be wrong. I just want to point out that the tense should be kept the same throughout the novel. Here's from the first paragraph:

The girl picks lotuses by the autumn bank, as she pulls on her narrow sleeves, two gold bracelets are revealed. On the surface is a picture of beauty, but underneath her heart is like a string struggling to be untangled.
The fog has lightened due to the strong winds, but as time approaches, solitude lies by the stream. A mysterious song is heard from afar, seemingly from the Jiang Nan province.

The girl [was picking] lotuses by the autumn bank. [A]s she was pulling on her narrow sleeves, two gold bracelets [were] revealed. On the surface [was] a picture of beauty, but underneath, her heart [was] like a string struggling to be untangled.
The fog [had] lightened due to the strong winds. As time [went by], solitude [lied] by the stream. A mysterious song [was] heard from afar, seemingly from the Jiang Nan province.


Just my 2-cents Thanks again to all translators and JamesG, the official editor.


Bubs

[fox-s]

Talking about this and the copies I've received for wuxiapedia, do you (translators) really want to clearly mark "translated by <person>" for each block? The translator list at the top already has the names (which btw you can use your real names or emails if you wish, it looks more "professional" that way ). Or I can change that into anchors and put the "translated by" at the bottom. It just looks odd for a final copy to have things that aren't in the actual novel to appear in the middle. Usually as an editor I just take actions that I feel are appropiate but I'd like to have your inputs. What do you think?

I agree with you. I think the list of translators needed to be mentioned once, either on top or the bottom. We don't need to mention which translator did what paragraph(s). But then again, it's just me. Not sure if the other translators share my opinion.

[Bangs]

(The strange man opened his eyes and said, "You seduced my daughter, I’ll kill you with my finger." He stretched out his right hand and finger (the shi finger), stood up straight, blocking the paths of the young man.)

path

(The two girls were unfamiliar with the place, so looked for locals to help them along the road.)

so they looked

(But today it would be no use as he pulled her daughter’s hands away.)

his

(The woman then pressed down on the “bai hai” (white sea) pressure point and the “wei zhong” (middle gathering) pressure point on Lu Wu Shuang’s leg to ease the pain, as she place one hand each on the broken pieces of bone, the putting the bone into place.)

then

(As he hesitated, suddenly something swept passed his body; it was the woman who had came to ask for shelter, in her hand was a long sword, ready to fight that young nun.)

who came

("I don’t recognize you. I’m not going to play with you.)

missing " at the end of Guo Fu's speech.

(It was now deep into the day, the farmers are in their fields; every man and women was singing folk songs. He was originally from these parts.)

woman were

(The old man’s arm’s were shaking severely, and struggling to hold on, he jumped up, his body slanting in midair to escape, and managed to fend off a skilful stroke of hers.)

arms

This is a lot of hardwork, how did you manage this James? Reading through it finding errors is a stressful task. Im tired need some sleep.

[JamesG]

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[Felipe]

I was wondering, will you update to the reading room and the wuxiapedia site the new re-edited chapters?

ANd don't worry JamesG, nobody will point your errors 'cause your merit in editing the novel far exceed those misses of ur tired eyes.

Thanks Again translators editors and all kind of colaborators.

[Candide]

I agree with you. I think the list of translators needed to be mentioned once, either on top or the bottom. We don't need to mention which translator did what paragraph(s). But then again, it's just me. Not sure if the other translators share my opinion.

The list of translators and editors is already at the top of every chapter and again in the novel's frontpage.

Since we're uploading these edited copies now, I'll be removing the "translated by" notes in the middle of the chapters unless there's any objection from the translators.

You can always keep an offline copy as a reference for yourself as for who did what, if you're a translator, but then you already know what you did anyway.

[JamesG]

I deleted this post

[Candide]

I was wondering, will you update to the reading room and the wuxiapedia site the new re-edited chapters?

TaiHan and I will be uploading them. We've already uploaded the edited Chapters 1-10 and 31-40. Chapters 11-30 will be there soon.

[JamesG]

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[Athena]

A small sugestion, remark

I think it would be better to glue certain characters, names together. For instance:
[歐陽峰] Ouyang should be "glued" together to show that it is double character surname. And the name should also be "glued" together to show that there is meaning to the name, [黃藥師]. Huang----> surname, Yaoshi (itself has a meaning but by putting space between "Yao" and "Shi" one more or less dissect the name.
So, it seems better to write it down as [Huang Yaoshi].
If the final letter of the first character of the name is a vowel and the beginning letter of the second character is also a vowel, put an apostrophe in between.
For instance [孫不二]---> Sun Bu'er.
This way, the names won't read that awkward.

Just a small suggestion, but if one likes the current form. It's fine too.

[JamesG]

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