LOCH chapter corrections

[Bangs]

Chapter 3 part 2:

Guo Jing brought out some roasted lamb for him and got to whole bucket of water for the horse.
a

Suddenly, from the East came the faint rumblings of horses galloping.
east

"Kid, do you have a bows and arrows in the house?" The man asked.
bow

he instructed as he dug himself into the grass pile.
He

The other sons, seeing their older brother is such an awkward and embarrassing state, began to laugh loudly.
in

Back when Temujin was just still just a boy, he was once captured by the Taijiuts, who placed him in a wooden neck collar.
just still

Not expecting such skill from his foe, Jebe was forced to immediately slip off his saddle and, hooking his right foot through the stirrup, leaned almost the ground.
to the

The exchanged caused Temujin and all other spectators to cheer in amazement.
exchange

Bogurchi followed with anther three shots, all of which were dodged by Jebe.
another

"I'm asking for an exchange for his life!" Jebe answered, pointing at Guo Jing, who was standing by the door of the hut. "I ask that the Khan not trouble this boy any further.
further."

But Guo Jing just shook his head: "Mom said that helping guests is the right thing to do and that it's wrong to take anything from guests.
guests."

The squads were ordered into platoons made up of ten squads that were led by a Hundred Man Commander, ten Hundred man groups were led by a Thousand Man Commander, which were then organized under one of the few Ten-Thousand Man Commanders.
Man

"We have beaten many a foes and news of our feats has reached the Great Jin Empire." He shouted at the top of his lungs.
foes

Constantly being told stories of how the Jurchens rape, pillage, and steal from the people of China; of how Jurchens corrupt officials and killed Yue Fei, Guo Jing's young heart had long been filled with hatred for the Jurchens.
*Jurchens also refers to the Jins right? Well I'm just curious why we have two terms referring to the same group of people.

"Who wants want your money!" He shouted.
would want

When he was in China, he had many a time killed people at his slightest displeasure.
times

Temujin settled back straight in his saddle and suddenly saw that Tolui's horse was rider-less. "Where's Tolui?" He shouted in fury.
riderless

Muqali returned not long after. "The Naimans said that since the great Jin princes granted a title to our Khan, they want to be granted a title too," He reported.
he

The leading general turned around and tried to escape, followed by several retainers as they headed back in the direction they come.
came from



Chapter 3 done.

[JamesG]

Chapter 4 is up.

[dgfds01]

Chapter 4.1

then with his adopted sons Temujin and Jamuka at his side, approached and kneeled before the two princes.
Knelt is the past tense of 'kneel'. Is 'kneeled' correct in American English?

"You humble servant had just heard the news of the Naimans's rudeness and was worried that Your Majesties might have been disturbed.
'Your majesty/ies' is normally used in respect of monarchs rather than princes. Highnesses might be more appropriate.

The inside of his ger was covered with leopard and fox furs as well were littered with the finest furniture and wares.
As well as being. I'm not sure 'littered' is appropriate - there's a negative connotation attached.

Even his personal guards are dressed in more luxurious clothing than those of Temujin’s guard, not to mention Temujin and his son.
Were

Never had the Wanyan brothers, since they’ve been outside the Great Wall, seen anything approaching such grandeur.
Never had the Wanyan brothers, seen anything approaching such grandeur since they’ve been outside the Great Wall.

"Your heroic deeds are known far and wide; even we who resides within the Great Wall have long admired your greatness.
Reside

"But how could he compare to his two adopted brothers?

The second man had a strong, sturdy build and his eyes pierced like an eagles; he was none other than Temujin's good friend, Bogurchi.
As piercing as an eagle's

"On the battle field today, there was a general with a black cape that led the charge through enemy formations, nobody could stop him; do you know who he was?"
Who

"Then why don't we invite him in for a drink as well?" Wanyan Honglie suggested. Temujin turned and sent out the commanded.
Command

Jebe was shocked and furious, but stopped the cup as it came up to his lips nevertheless.
But nevertheless stopped the cup as it came up to his lips

He looked over at Temujin for the proper course of action. In Mongol culture, stopping someone else from drinking is an enormous insult.
Mongolian

"For my adopted father's sake, I'm going to let Senggum get away with this one." Temujin decided, turning to Jebe.

To the east, the Ong Khan's troops, slowly and unorganized, picked themselves up from the ground, there were even faint sounds of joking to be heard within their ranks.
Disorganized

"No, not Squad Leader, but Company Commander Jebe!" Temujin corrrected

"Back in the Imperial Court all the officials insist that the north was populated by brainless barbarians; it's obvious that they have grossly underestimated these people."
Insisted, is

Senggum turned and whispered something to the trusted servant at his side and he nodded before running off.
Who nodded

As they slowly approached in the darkness, the leopard eyes were glowing like a pair of jade lanterns.
Glowed

This gave Wanyan Hongxi quite a fright as he immediately grabbed the handle of his saber tightly.
Gripped

Although the leopards were restrained by men, they were still snarling and clawing every which way, glaring viciously at everyone, and moving left and right randomly.
Delete 'every which way'

Hearing someone making fun of his father, Tolui was filled with anger......
Make

"When your mom was stolen, it was my grandpa and my dad who went and took her back for your dad.
Kidnapped

"How dare you talk back to me? Are you afraid of me?" He yelled.
Aren't

Tolui was startled as his cheeks instantly swelled to blood red. He wanted to cry, but could not let himself.
Would

He suddenly lunged forward and rammed his head squarely in Dukhsh’s stomach.
Into

"Kill those two bastards!" Dukhsh screamed, still on the ground.
'Bastards' is possible too strong here since the Chinese text says 小子. But I do understand why Moin put it in - for effect and to bring the emotion of the moment across. How about asking Athena os someone else for their opinion?

seven kids bullying two much smaller kids, pinning them down on the ground and beating them.
To the ground

All seven of them had actually learned Mongolian through it all, but they still could not find any clue as to the whereabouts of Li Ping.
Had learnt

and Guo Jing took the advantage and he flipped his body violently and crawled out from in between Dukhsh's legs.

Seeing these little Mongolian kids fight reminded the Seven Freaks of all the miss-adventures
Mis-adventures. Only one 's'.

"Do you give up?" Dukhsh demanded. Tolui, still looking might angry, did not reply but instead fiercely shook his head.
Very

"Well you ask for it!"
Asked

"Excellent!" Quan Jinfa involuntarily yelled as the dagger flew towards his face, sending a shiver up his spine.
Down

Tolui and Guo Jing were, once again, pinned down on the ground.
To

Han Baoju ordered the kids to break it up, but none of them heeded to his words.
Delete 'to'.

Only after a long time did the Seven Freaks finally, slowly, calm down, but their faces were still covered with joy.
Filled

Zhu Cong lightly parried Han Baoju's hand and stopped it in mid move, much to Han Baoju's surprise.
Mid-move

At this moment, a flock of wild geese flew toward them in a spear formation.
Towards

"How about you, don't you want to learn how?" Zhu Cong asked him.
Now

But above their heads nary a cloud could be seen in the dark blue sky.
Not

Han Baoju sighed, “The Seven Freaks of the South never lost to anyone in our lives. But in the end, we lost to that old Taoist priest."
In the qiqi.com version, Zhu Cong said this.

Even the hole that was located for his thumb was a little bigger than the others, while the hole for his pinky was a little smaller.
Delete 'even'.

"Could somebody have made these holes with their fingers?" His thoughts wondered.
He wondered

According to that messenger, ‘Copper Corpse’ and ‘Iron Corpse’ are disciples of the Lord of the Peach Blossom Island in the Eastern Sea....”

"Running at that speed yet they were still able to stick together so close to each other; it really is as if they are inseparable!"
Closely

Zhu Cong clutched tightly onto his pressure point hitting fan.
To

End of Moin's work.

[JamesG]

Chapter 4.1

then with his adopted sons Temujin and Jamuka at his side, approached and kneeled before the two princes.
Knelt is the past tense of 'kneel'. Is 'kneeled' correct in American English?

A dictionary check indicated that both are correct and are interchangeable.

[Bangs]

I'm sorry for being slow James, I'll try to make up for lost time.

Chapter 4:

But unexpectedly, the forwards scouts came back with a different report.
front *forwards scouts doesn't sound good imo

“You humble servant had just heard the news of the Naimans's rudeness and was worried that Your Highnesses might have been disturbed. Your humble servant brought a force here as soon as possible. But fortunately, due to Your Highness's awe-inspiring presence, the three kids were able to defeat them.” The Ong Khan spoke.
Your
Naimans'

It never did it occur to him to talk to Ong Khan.
'It never occured' or 'Never did it occur'

“Really; what could that be? What could be that powerful?”
Really? What

“Is that so?” Senggum burst out with a loud laugh. ‘Then why claim to be ‘Four Aces’ or whatever you want to call them. They’re not even brave enough to fight my leopards!”
“Then

“You are lying; this is obviously a wild rabbit.” Tolui shot back.
lying,

‘My dad is Temujin!” Tolui proudly answered.
“My

“Your dad's afraid of my dad, so what if you tell him?” Dukhsh laughed at Tolui. “Last night, when my dad brought out his two leopards, your dad's ‘Four Asses’ were so afraid they couldn't even move!”
*Did Dukhsh really call them asses or is this a wording error?

“Second Brother, you won't ever get rid of that stealing habit of yours will you?” ‘Smiling Dhuda’ Zhang Ahsheng joined in on the laughter.
*Smiling Dhuda? or is it Buddha? Arg, my memory is fuzzy....

Afterwards, the seven of them climbed back onto their horses began to leave. Guo Jing just stood there, watching them ride off to the East.
horses and

Zhu Cong said, “The Quanzhen Sect is fighting the Jurchens in the north and helping the poor Chinese citizens there. Everything the sect does is chivalrous and admirable. The Seven Masters of Quanzhen are great martial arts experts and honorable individuals, Qiu Chuji is even said to be the most exceptional one of the Seven Masters. Losing to him won't damage our good name. Furthermore, we are trying to save the lives of survivors of an honorable man, which is a good deed. When people in Wulin learn of this, they can only praise us and say: “Well done!”
done!””

But above their heads not cloud could be seen in the dark blue sky.
no

Quan Jinfa walked over to investigate only discover that they were human skulls placed neatly in three piles.
only to

“It must have been those little kids that piled up the skulls like that.” He laughed before suddenly noticed something else. “What…Second brother, come quickly!”
noticing

The sudden change in the tone in his voice was easily noticeable and unsettling for everyone. Other than Ke Zhen’E, the other Freaks made their way over to him.
of

“But aren't they dead? Can they still alive?” This news shocked Zhu Cong tremendously.
still be

Han Xiaoying quietly buried the blade of her sword into the dirt so as to avoid giving herself away because of the reflection off the blade; nevertheless, her right hand held a tight grip on the handle.
of

Strunf
A few moments later, the sound of foot steps ceased. On the open space, on the top of the hill, two silhouettes could be seen. The first, immobile, with a leather hat on it’s head, looked like a Mongol; the second, with long hair floating with the wind, was visibly a woman.
*typo?

Inside the dark clouds lightning flashed, increasing the anguish and fear in the heart’s of the Six Freaks.
hearts

Han Baoju felt the power of that stroke arriving and, knowing that he could not resist to it, released his weapon and somersaulted down from the tree.
'resist' or 'take' or 'withstand'

“They are too numerous,” Mei Chaofeng thought, “It will be necessary to use to strong methods and eliminate some of them without delay. No matter what their names or their origins... Aside from my beloved master and my bastard of a husband, I will kill anyone in this lowly world!”
to use

She struck and seized Zhu’s wrist. Tho surprised, this man fortunately had a quick mind and agile hands.
Though *its better when complete

In top of the hill, the other Freaks had stopped attacking Mei and observed the slope of the hill, keeping their invisible projectiles concealed, ready to intervene.
On

This exchange took place in a flash. The pitiless ‘Copper Corpse’ followed with a stroke of his claws directly at the top of the Han Xiaoying’s head.
merciless *mercy is a more appropriate term
of

Chen caught him by the neck, wanting to throw him far away, but the ‘Smiling Dhuda’s, fearing still that he would hurt Han Xiaoying, stubbornly refused to release him. ‘Copper Corpse’ gave him a violent to the head that stunned him. The butcher fainted, and his grip relaxed.
‘Smiling Dhuda’
a violent blow *u can change blow into a punch or palm or kick or whatever it is that Copper Corpse gave to Zhang Ahsheng

It’s the members of the ‘Bat Soaring Through the Heaven’s’ group, the brother of ‘Divine Dragon Soaring through the Sky’.
“It’s the members of the ‘Bat Soaring Through the Heaven’s’ group, the brother of ‘Divine Dragon Soaring through the Sky’.”

Fearful of his wife's injury, he shouted, “And you my ‘Shrew’, are you seriously wounded? Tell me at least that it doesn’t threaten your life?
life?”

Seeing his wife leaning on the tree and did not coming to lend him assistance, Chen understood then that, in spite of her usual stubbornness, she was seriously injured.
'did not come' or 'not coming'

“Move back everyone,” Han Baoju shouted in the blackness. “Seventh sister, how do you feel?”
darkness

The extremely fine hearing of Ke Zhen’E allowed him to recognize that the breathless man that was standing seven or eight steps away of him, on the left, was not one of his brothers.
from

The fate of Ke Zhen’E also preoccupied them, but they weren’t able to help him on this black night.
dark *its more accurate to use dark than black

But Chen Xuanfeng had benefited from this instant of vision to orient
himself.
But Chen Xuanfeng had benefited from this instant of vision to orient himself.

Then a new lightning flash illuminated the area. Guo Jing saw the face of the man's that held him in air, a sallow face with a menacing look.
man

Han Baoju was beginning to get furious. He thought to himself, “If we can't manage to overcome her on a three against one basis, and even worse, she’s injured and blind, what a blow to the name of the ‘Seven Freaks of the Jiangnan’!”
of

“Be assured”, said Han Xiaoying, “the ‘Seven Freaks of the Jiangnan’ never lose!
of
lose!”

By then sun had already risen.
the sun

“In this desert”, Zhu Cong said, “I imagine that this blind... this woman can’t go very far. The poisoned projectiles should have had their effect by now and she will probably die somewhere. Let’s take the child back home first and take care of our injured. After that, Third and Sixth brother, and Seventh sister, will continue the search.
search.”



Chapter 4 done.

[JamesG]

I'm sorry for being slow James, I'll try to make up for lost time.

That's 10 lashes with a wet noodle for you Bangs!
Thanks

[dgfds01]

But unexpectedly, the forwards scouts came back with a different report.
front *forwards scouts doesn't sound good imo

Forward scouts sounds better that front scounts IMHO. But not 'forwards'.

[Bangs]

Forward scouts sounds better that front scounts IMHO. But not 'forwards'.

Well forward is okay but I think front is a more appropriate and accurate term, Im not so sure though since it actually depends on the actual meaning of the original chinese text. So yeah, it could be forward.

Oh btw, I forgot to thank you Moin. Your help is greatly appreciated, thank you so much for helping us out. Spending some of your time with us is a lot of help. Thank you very much!

[dgfds01]

Well forward is okay but I think front is a more appropriate and accurate term, Im not so sure though since it actually depends on the actual meaning of the original chinese text. So yeah, it could be forward.

I was thinking 'forward' is more appropriate as a military term. I seem to have read it a few times before. But anyway, its up to JamesG to decide.


________________________

Chapter 4.2

A few moments later, the sound of foot steps ceased.
Footsteps

The first, immobile, with a leather hat on it’s head, looked like a Mongol;
Its. It's is a short form of 'it is'.

Then she accelerated and the crackling became drum-like; increasingly louder and closer together.
Increasingly loud or simply louder. Redundant to have both together.

Suddenly, the woman raised her right palm and struck with her left palm on the man's chest.
Struck the man's chest with her left palm

The man, collapsed on the ground, didn't move.
Who had collapsed on the ground.

Even from a distance, the six could see that all these organs, heart, lungs, liver, spleen, had been completely destroyed.
All the organs - heart, lungs.......

They now understood the finality of this practice:
Finality? Not very good word usage IMHO. How about purpose? I'm sure there are better words but I can't think of them at the moment.

We would be absolutely incapable of facing the two at the same time...
The two of them

But ‘Copper Corpse’ might be hidden, ready to fall on us unexpectedly?
Unexpectedly.

With a smile on her lips, she sat down cross legged facing the moon,
Cross-legged

Inside the dark clouds lightning flashed, increasing the anguish and fear in the heart’s of the Six Freaks.
Within, hearts

After practicing the breathing exercises for a certain time, Mei Chaofeng arose;
A period of time

Han Baoju felt the power of that stroke arriving and, knowing that he could not resist to it, released
Resist

She swept them off with a flick of her left hand,
Away

The small man touched ground with his left foot and rebounded away immediately. However Mei, agile as wind, was already in front of him.
The ground and as agile as wind

Not escaping from her by very much, he threw himself to the ground and rolled to clear himself.
Barely escaping

... inflicted by the weigh scales of Quan Jinfa, without apparently causing her any injury.
Weighing scales

She increased speed and seized Quan Jinfa’s arm who was too slow escaping.
Which was too slow in escaping

...possess a nodal practice location which is impossible for them to protect by using this technique.
with

Tho surprised, this man fortunately had a quick mind and agile hands.
Though

The fight had only lasted a short time and not only had the Freaks not finished her, three of their number were already wounded.
Finish her off, but

he hurried toward the hole where Ke Zhen’E was hidden,
Towards

while shouting. “Run for your lives!” The other understood and moved back still fighting.
moved back while still fighting

Surprised, Mei Chaofeng couldn’t stop herself from raising her eyes; but all she saw was the low clouds veiling half the moon... There was no one up there!
were

At these words, Ke Zhen’E threw six poisoned projectiles seven steps to his right, two head height,
two at head height

The Seven, afraid of the strength of her attacks, remained carefully to the sides.
side

Old Bastard, we have never met.
Same as before - not sure how accurate 'bastard' is.
Instead of we have never met, it should be 'you didn't die!'.

You’re the one that used the poisonous projectiles, aren’t you?
who uses
Note: this line is not in the qiqi.com online version.

Have you come to avenge ‘Divine Dragon Soaring Through the Sky’s’ death?”
avenge the death of 'DDSTS' or simply avenge 'DDSTS'

her hands along side her body, fingers slightly open showing her sparkling nails. [/B]
[Alongside]. Hands slightly open, the light reflecting of her sharp nails.

He bounded into the air by giving a heavy stroke to the ground
delivering

Had Ke Zhen’E lingered for only one second, the nails would be planted in his body; how would he have been able to escape alive?
...body. How...

“Misfortune”, Zhu Cong thought, “she calls her husband ‘Copper Corpse’ for help.” Quickly, he shouted, “It is necessary to finish her!”
Not really wrong but it seems very formal and stilted. Maybe I'm just being picky.

while Zhang Ahsheng raised a big stone that he brought down on her head.
which

She concentrated her internal energy to arrest the progress of the poison in her body
on arresting

In the blink of an eye, Han Xiaoying got to Guo Jing; she took his small hand and turned on her heel to run back with him.
reached; heels

Han Xiaoying, who originally had the impression that she was outside of his range, was reached and struck the shoulder.
Struck on

The claw fell, and the five fingers of ‘Copper Corpse’ penetrated the ‘Smiling Dhuda’s back.
'Smiling Dhuda's'

“We are in the middle of a desert,” he thought, “where did these expert fighters come from?
the desserted Steppe

“My ‘Shrew’,” shouted Chen Xuanfeng,
A rather archaic term, but I can't think of anything better.

‘Copper Corpse’ gave him a violent to the head that stunned him.
a violent blow to the head

Seeing his wife leaning on the tree and did not coming to lend him assistance,
not

The ‘Twin Killers of the Dark Winds’ had, for a long time, trained for two dangerous techniques;
in

It was total obscurity; a person couldn’t even see the fingers of his own hands........
darkness

‘So the sky comes to help us,” Ke Zhen’E thought, delighted.
So Heaven is helping us

The Seven Freaks, three of whom were severely injured, were thinking that they had lost the first part;
Just lost

In the rain’s sound, they heard the hisses produced by the hands of Chen Xuanfeng and the staff of Ke Zhen’E.
Amid the sound of rain

He then seized it with his left hand and his right hand grabbed the blind man's chest.
grabbed at

Conscious of the danger, he lashed his ‘Golden Dragon’ whip, causing it to wrap around the projectile and made it fall.
make

“Now,” Chen exclaimed, running towards him, “I’m going to take your dog’s life!”
dog. Here, it is used as an adjective to describe his life.

Then a new lightning flash illuminated the area. Guo Jing saw the face of the man's that held him in air, a sallow face with a menacing look.
man

Hearing her husband's long scream, Mei Chaofeng hurried, stumbled, fell and crawled to reach him. “My dear brother,” she shouted, “how are you?”
'Brother' conveys the impression of incest. The term she used was 贼汉子 which was earlier translated as 'bastard husband'.

“It is done, my little…sister”, he mumbled, “hurry, flee…before you...”
As above. This was translated as 'shrew' earlier.

“I will miss you, my little sis....little sister. I...I cannot take care of you anymore.....You will be...be all alone.....You...you’ll have to be careful....” and with that Chen Xuanfeng died.

“Good brother... I will miss you too! Don't leave me!”
This is different from the qiqi.com text. Do you know if this was translated to French from the 1st edition? I'm fairly sure the qiqi.com one is the 2nd edition.

My rough translation of the qiqi.com version:
Chen Xuanfeng said: "That man... manual was burnt by you. The secret.... is on my chest...." Unable to draw another breath, he died.

[dgfds01]

Chapter 4.3

Han Baoju, Han Xiaoying and Quan Jinfa, taking advantage of first gleam of the dawn, rushed again to the attack.
There is a whole section between this bit and the last part (where Chen Xuanfeng died) missing. It tells of Mei Chaofeng and Chen Xuanfeng's past. It also mentions how she checked his body for the 9 Yin manual. The attack by the 3 Freaks was launched as she was searching......

....what a blow to the name of the ‘Seven Freaks of the Jiangnan’!”
what a blow it will be to the name, of Jiangnan

He then attacked more furiously with his whip, particularly trying to hit her on the back.
focusing on trying to hit her back

A long time later, the storm abated and the moon showed again from behind the clouds.
After quite some time or after quite a long time

Only Zhang Ahsheng, hit two times, by the ‘Nine Yin White Bone Claws’, had received a deadly stroke to the head.
However, Zhang Ahsheng had been hit twice by the 'Nine Yin White Bone Claws' and he had also received a deadly stroke to the head

While marveling that he had actually thrown himself under the enemy's claws to protect her, she hugged Zhang sobbing.
thinking of how. 'Marvelling' isn't exactly appropriate

On the always funny face of the ‘Butcher’ a slight smile appeared, and his big hand softly caressed Xiaoying’s hair.
Chinese version: Zhang Ahsheng's plump face was normally cheerful and smiling. Even at this time, he still smiled slightly.....

“Don’t cry”, he said to her trying to comfort her. “Don't cry; I am well satisfied.”
The Chinese equivalent is more of "I am alright".

With his eyes full of tears, Zhu Cong asked Guo Jing, “If you came here, was it to learn martial arts from us?”
When you came here - was it......

“But now, your fifth Shifu is going to go up to the sky, kowtow and pay him homage.”
How about a nicer way to put this? "Going to go up to the sky" is simply a direct, literal translation for the Chinese term 归天 (gui1 tian1) which means 'pass away'.

“Neither are you”, he said while panting, “naturally gifted; it’s absolutely necessary for you to make some hard efforts.
put in a lot of effort

“Form the child well... so as not to have a badly taught disciple facing the pretentious Taoist priest’s...”
More accurate translation:
Teach the child well, don't let us lose.... to the cow-nose Taoist priest....

“Be assured”, said Han Xiaoying, “the ‘Seven Freaks of the Jiangnan’ never lose!
"The Seven Freaks of Jiangnan will not lose!"

Zhang Ahsheng gave a small foolish laugh, closed his eyes, and returned his soul.
and departed from this world

Since they had become sworn brothers, very strong ties united them.
they were united by a very strong bond


Quan Jinfa and Han Baoju left to search for visible indications that could lead them to Mei Chaofeng.
clues

After the storm, the sand didn't show any traces of her passing and it was impossible to know where she had gone.
showed no traces......

They extended their investigation for several li around the mountain, but came up with nothing.
Search

“In this desert”, Zhu Cong said, “I imagine that this blind... this woman can’t go very far.
the Steppe

The poisoned projectiles should have had their effect by now and she will probably die somewhere.
taken effect

After that, Third and Sixth brother, and Seventh sister, will continue the search.
Seventh Sister can continue the search. No comma, 'can' somehow seems more appropriate than 'will'.

All agreed and shed some more tears while saying farewell at the grave of their deceased brother.

End of Chapter 4

Phew

[JamesG]

Chapter 4.3
End of Chapter 4
Phew

Phew for you, for me!

[JamesG]

Chapter 4.3

Han Baoju, Han Xiaoying and Quan Jinfa, taking advantage of first gleam of the dawn, rushed again to the attack.
There is a whole section between this bit and the last part (where Chen Xuanfeng died) missing. It tells of Mei Chaofeng and Chen Xuanfeng's past. It also mentions how she checked his body for the 9 Yin manual. The attack by the 3 Freaks was launched as she was searching......
Phew

See Athena's comments in my pm to you.

[JamesG]

Chapter 5 is up.

[Bangs]

Chapter 5 part 1:

“I'm taking the leopards to eat him up. You’d better surrender now, or else I will include you too,” Dukhsh replied smugly. He had seen the ‘Six Freaks of the South’ at one side, but for them, Dukhsh would have already sent the leopards to attack Guo Jing.
if not for them

“If you hurry there, may be the leopards will eat you too? Aren't you afraid?” Han Xiaoying asked.
the leopards might

Because Zhu Cong's wound was still painful, he was quietly lying forward on his horse's back. Noting Guo Jing’s chivalrous heart, he mused, “This child may be very smart, but he is, nevertheless, a person worthy of our generation.”
may not

Come morning, he unable to find Guo Jing or get his third brother Ogedai to help hum.
he was
him

Since they had agreed to battle one on one only and even though they were upset, they could not to do anything about it.
do

Dukhsh was furious; so ran off to get his father's hunting leopards.
furious, so he

After single handedly winning against so many kids, Tolui was very proud himself.
proud of

Spotting the leopards with pretty their pretty colored fur, she was reminded of her second brother Ogedai’s hunting dogs.
their pretty

Temujin knew that it was the ‘Six Freaks of the South’ that saved his daughter's life, and he waited for Ong Khan and the others to leave, before commanding Boroqul to reward them richly with furs and gold.
fur

He replied, “The Great Khan's willingness to accept the six of us is something we could not have asked for. You can pay us what ever you decide is suitable, we wouldn’t dare to discuss or argue about the amount?”
amount.

The seven of them climbed the barren hill and swept away the piled up snow from the grave.
on

During the time they stayed in the Mongolian desert with its cold winds, they had become weaker and frailer and their face’s looked lean and somber.
faces

On this day his fourth master, ‘Wood Chopper of the Southern Mountains’ Nan Xiren and he had a practice spar using the ‘Open Hills Palms Technique (Kai Shan Zhang Fa).
Palms’

Guo Jing's right palm hurriedly moved to block, since this palm is considered rather fast. Then Nan Xiren's left palm flew out, and with a slap, both palms connected.
block. Since
fast, when

Hua zheng wrinkled her brow and said angrily “I'm not going.”
Zheng

Ong Khan and Senggum decided that Senggum’s son has grown up and wanted to pick a date for the marriage. Therefore they’d sent people with gifts and Temujin wanted her to meet the messengers.
they

Guo Jing went out of the ger and moved forward to see that the person was dressed in a large sleeved long robe and hair combed into a bun; it looked like neither a man nor a women.
this person
woman

After numerous years practice, the essence of this technique was deeply ingrained in him.
years of

Although not an expert, he’d practiced this kung fu a lot, and the way he used the moves was close to perfect.
he
'moves were' or 'move was'

Guo Jing's wanted to twist the enemy's wrist bones out of place, but the enemy's palm suddenly came.
Guo Jing

The youth shouted, “Let's spar again.” Before he stopped speaking, he’d already raised his palms from his side.
he

The priest neither resisted nor tried to attack; he raised his hands together in the traditional greeting manner, and said in a clear voice, “Disciple Yin Zhiping is following the instructions of my honored teacher ‘Chang Chun Zi’ [Eternal Spring] Qiu Chuji, who asks if the masters are well.” While saying that, he respectfully kowtowed.
*If he is the same Yin Zhiping who raped XLN then shouldn't we change his name to Zhen Zhibing as well like in ROCH?

Zhu Cong slide his eyes towards Guo Jing; seeing no change in his expression he read on, “After two years, when the flowers are blooming and the grass is long in Jiangnan, I will meet and drink with all of you masters at the Pavilion of the Drunken Immortal. Life passes like the dew, and these eighteen years are like a dream. Will the brave heroes of the world laugh at my foolishness?”
slid

He’d followed his teacher's instructions to come up to the north and pass on the letter, and Qiu Chuji had indeed told him to find a way to test Guo Jing's character and kung fu.
He

(Strunf)
*What's this? a marker?


To be continued...

[IcyFox]

*If he is the same Yin Zhiping who raped XLN then shouldn't we change his name to Zhen Zhibing as well like in ROCH?

Negative.

In the 3rd Ed of RoCH, Yin Zhi Ping still exists in the story, but played a very minor role. His supposedly lustful side was replaced with Zhen Zhi Bing instead. In short, Yin Zhi Ping and Zhen Zhi Bing are two entirely different characters; Yin Zhi Ping is NOT Zhen Zhi Bing.

[dgfds01]

(Strunf)
*What's this? a marker?

It means Strunf took over the translation at this point.

Temujin knew that it was the ‘Six Freaks of the South’ that saved his daughter's life, and he waited for Ong Khan and the others to leave, before commanding Boroqul to reward them richly with furs and gold.
fur

Furs is correct.

He’d followed his teacher's instructions to come up to the north and pass on the letter, and Qiu Chuji had indeed told him to find a way to test Guo Jing's character and kung fu.
He

He'd is alright. As a short form of he had.

[Athena]

“Good brother... I will miss you too! Don't leave me!” [/B]
This is different from the qiqi.com text. Do you know if this was translated to French from the 1st edition? I'm fairly sure the qiqi.com one is the 2nd edition.

My rough translation of the qiqi.com version:
Chen Xuanfeng said: "That man... manual was burnt by you. The secret.... is on my chest...." Unable to draw another breath, he died.

I corrected those chapters using edition 3 (per James' request), so there are some discrepancies.

If husband and wife call each other [brother] [sister], it doesn't have to indicate any incestual relationship. They are just names of affection. In the Smiling Proud Wanderer, there was a comment by the author that the local tribesmen in Yunnan call their lovers [brother, sister].

[dgfds01]

I corrected those chapters using edition 3 (per James' request), so there are some discrepancies.

If husband and wife call each other [brother] [sister], it doesn't have to indicate any incestual relationship. They are just names of affection. In the Smiling Proud Wanderer, there was a comment by the author that the local tribesmen in Yunnan call their lovers [brother, sister].

I know........ it's just that at the moment I read "Good brother", that was the first thing that came into my mind. In fact, it's quite common for Malay women to call their husbands 'brother' as well.

Anyway, thanks Athena.

[dgfds01]

Chapter 5.1

After walking for awhile,
From www.dictionary.com:
Usage Note: Awhile, an adverb, is never preceded by a preposition such as for, but the two-word form a while may be preceded by a preposition. In writing, each of the following is acceptable: stay awhile; stay for a while; stay a while (but not stay for awhile).


After galloping for awhile,
As above.

Knowing in his heart that there's something strange ahead,
there was

No one could understand the reasoning behind the mutilation.
reason

He had seen the ‘Six Freaks of the South’ at one side, but for them, Dukhsh would have already sent the leopards to attack Guo Jing.
and but for their presence

The other leopard handler was afraid that this might cause some irreversible troubles;
irreversible trouble. I'm not quite happy with the use of the word 'trouble' here but I can't think of anything else right now.

Although Guo Jing was terribly afraid of leopards, he was, in the end, more worried about his sworn brother's safety.
Delete, unnecessary.

“If you hurry there, may be the leopards will eat you too?
the leopards may eat you too

Because Zhu Cong's wound was still painful, he was quietly lying forward on his horse's back.
Leaning forward might be better. Or simply lying. But I'm still not entirely satisfied....

“This child may be very smart, but he is, nevertheless, a person worthy of our generation.”
may not be and but nevertheless he is a worthy person of our generation

Han Xiaoying replied, “Fourth brother's perception is true! Let's go save some people.”
right and them

For Guo Jing, sitting on his fat and sturdy shoulders, it was like sitting on a good war horse, fast and steady.
....sturdy shoulders was like riding on

Come morning, he unable to find Guo Jing or get his third brother Ogedai to help hum.
unable to find Guo Jing, and did not ask his third brother and him

Furthermore, since these three moves have no complicated changes, Tolui, being very smart, picked it up immediately.
had

It was Muqali, Boroqul and the others of the ‘Four Aces’ that had arrived.
Muqali, Boroqul and the rest of the 'Four Aces' had arrived.

In front of the leopards stood two kids, Tolui and his sworn younger brother Guo Jing.
younger sworn brother

Temujin and his four heroes raised their bows and pointed them at the leopards; they were ready for action.
Four Aces

Since that could not be achieved easily and took much time, Temujin felt, that if the leopards did not attack, he wouldn’t harm them.
felt that

The sounds hooves were heard as someone riding on a red horse arrived.
riding a

She shouted “Quickly, release the arrow!”
shoot

As a little girl of four years old, how was Hua Zheng supposed to know of the leopard's ferocious nature?
Just four years

Spotting the leopards with pretty their pretty colored fur, she was reminded of her second brother Ogedai’s hunting dogs.
their pretty

The ‘Four Aces’ raised their knives, only to hear several faint noises. When the noises passed, the two leopards suddenly fell growling and rolling from side to side.
sounds

He saw blood running from the leopard's foreheads.
leopards'; for plural

It was obvious that a kung fu master had used a hidden weapon to hit the leopard's brains.
As above.

He turned around and saw six calm, composed Han people standing to one side watching the on going scene.
on-going

The crowd remained silent however and no one answered.
Unnecessary.

Ke Zhen’E had heard the leopard's growls,
leopards'

In a fit of temper he lay down on the ground and began,rolling and hitting, crying and shouting.
Remove the comma

Temujin knew that Dukhsh kept mentioning happenings from his past and anger boiled deep in his heart.
More accurately would be: When Temujin heard how Dukhsh kept mentioning the embarassing events from his past, anger boiled deep in his heart.

You can pay us what ever you decide is suitable, we wouldn’t dare to discuss or argue about the amount?
whatever and change the question-mark to a fullstop.

“I have been thinking of that all this time, but I still cannot discover the reasoning behind it,” Ke Zhen’E replied.
figure out the reason

From then on, the Six Freaks of the South remained in the desert, teaching Guo Jing and Tolui kung fu.
Steppe

He wanted Tolui and Guo Jing to learn these techniques briefly, and to spend most of their time learning riding, shooting with their bows and arrows, and learning other important
skills

During the evenings, the ‘Six Freaks of the South’ taught Guo Jing alone,
In

Although Zhu Cong, Quan Jinfa and Han Xiaoying's kung fu was a bit too hard for him to comprehend.
Remove

Luckily, Guo Jing has a good heart and he is exceedingly obedient, so the ‘Six Freaks’ really liked his character a lot.
had


The violent winds gradually stopped and the number of heavy snows began to decrease, but the outer prairies of Mongolia still remained bitterly cold.
Frequency of heavy snow

None-the- less, she had vanished into thin air like a spirit.
Nonetheless

On this day his fourth master, ‘Wood Chopper of the Southern Mountains’ Nan Xiren and he had a practice spar using the ‘Open Hills Palms Technique (Kai Shan Zhang Fa).
practised sparring

Both his hand hit the ground, but he immediately jumped up, with a look of shame showing on his face.
hands

Hua Zheng knew that she was wrong and would smooth his feelings with soft words.
sooth

Furthermore, he is very familiar with attacking accupoints and knows their positions well.
was

After numerous years practice, the essence of this technique was deeply ingrained in him.
years of practice

This was the very first time that Guo Jing fought an enemy using martial arts, and it is against one with high kung fu skills.
was

Luckily, the enemy did not use all his strength and Guo Jing's basic kung fu is very strong.
was

His body only shook a little, and immediately both palms were flying again, protecting all the weak spots on his body, as he tried his best to protect and attack.
defend


The youthful priest kept pressing him hard, and Guo Jing knew that he could barely cope any longer.
not cope much longer

Zhu Cong slide his eyes towards Guo Jing;
slid

[dgfds01]

Chapter 5.2

Thereafter, the ‘Six Freaks of the Jiangnan’ were even more severe in their training.
strict

Guo Jing ran behind her, but didn't catch her.
after

Though he made every effort, he still didn't succeed and he didn't know what to do any longer.
Couldn't would be better I think.

Sometimes, the children threw them some cuts of sheep meat; the eagles then dove and snatched it with precision while in the air.
them

By doing this, they created some close ties between them and the eagles.
Remove

Thinking the saw the victory of the white eagles, the spectators uttered shout of joy.
they had seen

After ten years of training with the ‘Six Freaks of Jiangnan’, even though he had not assimilated their sophisticated martial arts, never-the-less he had acquired strength in his arms and outstanding precision when aiming a bow.
nevertheless

The span of their wings passed one meter, their feather were as hard as iron, and they were so strong that they could seize and carry away in the air ponies or large sheep!
feathers

“What ever he wants,” answered Temujin still smiling. “Guo Jing, what do you want?”
Whatever

Everyone in the tribe liked him for his simplicity and his kindness, and no one rejected him even though he was Chinese.
eventhough

In a little while, she asked, “You asked dad to not marry me to Dukhsh. Why?”
After

“The two eaglets lose their father and mother,” she said, looking up at the top of the cliff, “how will they survive now?”
lost

Guo Jing and Hua Zheng ran towards him. He took the eaglets and said to the girl, in Mongol, “Will you take good care of them?”
Mongolian

“Be careful of their beaks,” warned the Taoist, “they are small, but their bite is dangerous...”
Not 'bite'. Eagles don't exactly bite in the ordinary sense cos they have no teeth. How about peck? Though that doesn't seem vicious enough.

Then held them against her, delighted, “I am going to look for meat to feed them.”
Then she held them against herself

“Wait,” the Taoist said. “If you want the eaglets, it is necessary that you promise me one thing.”
you need to promise me one thing

“Okay,” Hua Zheng said joyfully. “That’s easy. I won't say it to anyone.”
mention

Hua Zheng got on her horse and rode happily off.
rode off happily

The man grabbed the sword and offered it to him with kindliness and turned on his heels.
kindly offered it to him

“Why Not?” asked the Taoist.
not

He had a face full of kindness. Guo Jing, with the big heart, had the impression that he had met a parent to whom he would be able to confide.
Retranslated as: There was a deep ache in Guo Jing's heart. Seeing the kind face of the Taoist, he felt as if he had met a parent (or a relative) with whom he was able to confide with.
Relative might be more accurate, but parent is ok as well.

Suddenly, two big tears rolled down his cheeks and he said while hiccupping back sobs. “Me... Me... I am very dumb, I can't manage to learn martial arts, and I am a disappointment to my six Shifus, to whom I owe everything...”
choking , :

Very well, let's meet each other again in three days; we will be in the fifteenth day of the month.
meet on the

Because of the hardness of the task, his head started to spin and his limbs burned with exhaustion.
difficulty

As strong as his dagger was, it would probably be able to dig ten more holes, and it would break.
and then

Not daring to lean backward to look, he remained nose against the smooth wall of the cliff and wondered who this laugh came from.
with his nose pressed

Then he saw a big rope slip down and stop next to him.
thick

He heard the voice of the Taoist saying, “Attach the rope around your waist, I am going to pull you up.”
tie, I will pull you up

Assured of the hold of his left hand, he took the rope with his right hand and wrapped it around his waist two times and made two knots.
Holding on tightly with his left hand

“Did you attach it firmly?” the Taoist shouted.
Have you tied it firmly?

“Did you attach it?” He asked again.
As above

“Your six Shifus,” the old man continued, “are eminent personalities in the martial arts realm.
'Personalities' doesn't flow. How about members? Not great either but I can't think of anything else.

It would be more than enough for you to acquire the techniques of one of them to make yourself a name in the Jianghu region.
The Jianghu isn't a region. Simply Jianghu will be enough, and maybe a footnote explaining what it is.

In fundamental techniques, it’s not at all certain that he surpasses you.
In terms of

The astonishment Guo Jing felt didn't know any boundaries.
had no boundaries

“Remove the snow on this big rock,” the Taoist ordered, “you will be able to sleep there.”
Clear

“Before sleeping,” the Taoist continued, “it’s necessary to clarify the mind, letting no thoughts or preoccupations remain there.
clear

Guo Jing returned that evening and the Taoist brought him up by the same rope.
with

During his practice with the six Shifus, it often happened that he did not go back home at night, but his mother didn't worry about him.
he often



Just when they’d barely settled down, one would suddenly see, coming from the west, a small red horse, with the hair the color of fire.
could

Even though he didn’t teach him any fighting skills, he had initiated him into the superior art of neigong.
A note explaining what neigong is would be good.

But the boy clamped his thighs and didn't let himself get tossed off.
clamped down with his thighs and allow himself to be tossed off


It then knew that it had met its master, and stopped by itself.
Simply stopped is enough.

Fearing that the horse would run away again, Guo Jing didn't dare to come down from it.
dismount

A guard approached it a little too close and the animal gave him a kick that made him somersault. Guo Jing led it to the water, to wash it and calm it down.
closely

In a panic, Guo Jing wanted to move back, but he already had his back against the wall of the ger.
In panic

Trying to protect himself, when confronted with danger, is a natural reaction, especially since he had a rather slow mind.
All the commas are unnecessary. The sentence will flow better without them.

Ke Zhen’E and the others got up, all showing a stern face.
with stern expressions

“Pfui!” Zhu Cong spit, still doubtful.
spat

However, he had practiced for close to two years with the Taoist of the three adornments and, even though he didn't know it himself, his body was filled with internal energy.
almost

The stroke still hit the point effectively, but provoked only a certain amount of pain, without succeeding in affecting that point on the meridian.
caused

Zhu Cong had not used all of his strength, but Guo Jing’s internal energy of had succeeded in neutralizing him. He was astonished and angry after realizing it.
had
When he realised it he was astonished and angry.

“Could the Taoist master have taught me neigong?” wondered Guo Jing understanding it just now.
finally understanding

The Six looked at each other and thought, “The young man seems sincere, and he didn't appear to lie.”
doesn't seem to be lying

At the beginning I couldn't manage to do it, but lately I’ve had the impression that, inside me, there was something like a hot small mouse that ran through all of my body; it was very funny.
In and running

“A while ago,” he said, “I tamed a small red horse, that runs with incredible speed! I don't know if it will let you mount it...
Unnecessary comma.

End of Chapter 5