LOCH chapter corrections

[JamesG]

Thanks everybody. I was out of town for a couple of days and look what happened!
I kind of felt sorry for Yin Zhiping and his 'punishment' by Ke Zhen'E. He was a young over exuberant boy who didn't want to lose face at Guo Jing's hands. Maybe both learned something.

[JamesG]

Chapter 5.2

“Be careful of their beaks,” warned the Taoist, “they are small, but their bite is dangerous...”
Not 'bite'. Eagles don't exactly bite in the ordinary sense cos they have no teeth. How about peck? Though that doesn't seem vicious enough.

I had a pet Red-tailed Hawk when I was a kid and I know first hand that they do bite. It was either a quick bite and let go, or bite and hang on for a second or two. Not exactly painful but very uncomfortable.

[dgfds01]

I had a pet Red-tailed Hawk when I was a kid and I know first hand that they do bite. It was either a quick bite and let go, or bite and hang on for a second or two. Not exactly painful but very uncomfortable.

Cool. I wish I have a pet hawk. What happened to it?

Anyway, I was thinking that the definition of 'bite' meant that teeth were needed. Guess I was wrong about that. Plus I thought it 'bite' wasn't exactly accurate in that context.

Edit: I checked the Chinese text. The word is certaintly not 'bite'. My dictionary translates it as 'peck'.
But as I said earlier, 'peck' doesn't sound vicious or dangerous enough.......
Up to you, ok?

[JamesG]

Cool. I wish I have a pet hawk. What happened to it?

It flew off one day and didn't come back. Hawks aren't the best wild bird to tame because of the food requirements and you have to teach them to hunt so they'll survive if they do leave. The best bird is a crow because they are naturally smart and adaptable . They tend not to fly off very far and return when called [generally to land on your shoulder]. They tolerate other pets very well. Food is no problem.
A friend's pet crow learned to say a few words, it's name [my name is Blackie] and bow wow [like a dog]. It loved to fly down when the family cat was sleeping, bow wow [frightening the cat] and then fly up to the roof and watch. It wasn't the only talking crow I've seen.

[Bangs]

Chapter 5 part 2:

Since the nocturnal visit of Yi Zhiping, he hadn’t made much progress for three months; he even seemed to have regressed somewhat!
Yin
somewhat.

Thinking they had seen the victory of the white eagles, the spectators uttered shout of joy.
shouts

“Guo Jing, can you see?” Hua Zheng cried. “The eagles have eaglets! How come we’ve never notice them? Ah, father, shoot quickly and kill those black eagles!”
noticed

Jebe, a skilled archer, wanted Guo Jing, his pupil, to have his moment of glory, and handed him his own war bow. “Knee on the ground,” he recommended to him in a low voice, “aim for the neck.”
*Maybe we can change this to 'coached' or 'advised'? Recommended does not suit the sentence I think.

The first eagle didn't have the time to escape before that the arrow pierced its neck, continuing its way and planting itself in the flank of the second bird! Only one arrow for two eagles, which fell like stones!
the

“The master is Jebe,” said Temujin while laughing, “the disciple is also jebe.
[In Mongol, jebe means "skilled archer.]
"skilled archer".”

“Father,” Tolui said, wanting to help his sworn brother, “you promised a reward to the one that could bring an eagle down. My anda killed two of them at a stroke. What reward you will grant him?”
will you

He either he didn't jump sufficiently high or he didn't have the time to make the turns.
He either

She stopped not far from him, got off the horse and lay down on the grass with her chin on her hand, to watch Guo train. Seeing that he seemed to be suffering a lot, she shouted to him, “Stop, rest for a while.”
Guo Jing

In spite of all his efforts, he still didn't manage to execute the movements; just as he began to despair, he heard a voice behind him say coldly, “If you keep doing it that way, you will still be dragging your sword hundred years from now, and you won't progress as much as a hair!
a hundred
hair!”

Hua Zheng undid her belt and attached it to the legs the fledglings. Then she held them against herself, delighted, “I am going to look for meat to feed them.”
of the

Guo Jing scratched his head, not knowing what to say. Suddenly, he kowtowed, knocking the ground of his forehead, without stopping.
with

This kind of flexible weapon required particularly close attention; if one didn't master all the refinements of it, not only would you not the reach the enemy, but you risked getting injured by it yourself.
reach

Then he continued to dig in the wall, making more hand and footholds, raising laboriously a few zhang.
zhangs

He knelt and got ready to kowtow, but the Taoist held his arm. “Three days ago, you kowtowed more than an hundred times, it is more than enough! You are a child with good character!”
a

"How does he know of this matter?” wondered Guo Jing."
“How
Jing.

“So you don’t know about it then? Well, if your masters didn't tell you anything about it yet, it’s because you don't have to know about it at the present time. During the next two years, they will certainly explain it to you in detail. Let's look it this way: you are full of sincerity, and it seems that our meeting was written in destiny. I am going to teach you some methods of breathing, of sitting down, of walking and sleeping.
look at
sleeping.”

“Before sleeping,” the Taoist continued, “it’s necessary to clear the mind, letting no thoughts or preoccupations remain there. Then, it is necessary to compose the body, while lying on your side, and to breathe in a continuous way through the nose, so that the soul doesn't wander inside and the mind doesn't go outside.
outside.”

And so he taught Guo breathing and the mastery of the breath, the technique of meditating and of eliminating worries.
Guo Jing

The Mongols didn't know whether laugh or be angry.
to laugh

“This wild horse,” answered a herder, “comes from some mountains. We first saw it a few days ago, and found it so beautiful that we wanted to capture it, but did not succeed. Our attempt put it in mean mood and, for these past few days, it keeps coming to bother us.”
in a

“A dragon transformed into horse!” another horse herder mocked. “What nonsense!”
into a

The fists had already touched his chest, when Quan realized with surprise, that it was as soft as the cotton, without any resistance.
cotton

“Pfui!” Zhu Cong spat, still doubtful. He moved his index finger toward a location situated two inches below sternum, named ‘Tail of Turtledove’.
below the

Zhu Cong had not used all of his strength, but Guo Jing’s internal energy o had succeeded in neutralizing him.
had

When he realized it he was astonished and angry. “And that’s not neigong,” he shouted?
neigong?” He shouted.

“I really don't know what the neigong is!” Guo Jing said. “He told me to sit and meditate and to breathe slowly, without thinking about anything while concentrating only on the way the breath circulates inside the body. In the beginning I couldn't manage to do it, but lately I’ve had the impression that, inside me, there was something like a hot small mouse running through all of my body; it was very funny.
funny.”

“He doesn't want to say me his name,” answered Guo Jing. “He said that the kung fu of my Shifus is not lower than his, and that’s why he cannot teach me martial arts and cannot be my Shifu. He made me swear to not ever describe his appearance to anyone. “
to tell me
anyone.”



Chapter 5 done.



Oh and thanks Moin, with all of us working together, the editing will be much much more fruitful.

[JamesG]

Thanks Bangs. Just a quick glance at your comments reminds me to be more careful when I delete groups of unnecessary words.

Well, back to work on chapter 6.
Memo to me: Check before hitting the delete key.

[JamesG]

Chapter 6 is posted. Please note that towards the end of the chapter there are some underlined sentences that need to be corrected or confirmed by checking the original Chinese. Help!!!

[Bangs]

After a long absence, here we go again!

Chapter 6:

Zhu Cong and Quan Jinfa were more and more astonished and stood for a long time in silence until the others ‘Freaks’ arrived.
other

Fearing to fall into the hands of enemies, they brought their weapons and their invisible projectiles.
hidden *invisible is not appropriate coz it may also mean that their projectiles are of invisible properties.

They tried to looking up but couldn’t see anything.
tried

Then they climbed down to tell to the others what they had seen.
tell

Hearing him mention Zhang Ahsheng, Han Xiaoying felt heart broken again. Holding back her tears, she quietly said, “How could we not want to avenge our Fifth brother? Let's obey to our elder Brother’s wish!”
our

“I arrived here not long ago,” the Taoist answered. “and I immediately noticed this pile of skulls. Has ‘Iron Corpse’ come here to take revenge on your Shifus and you?
“I arrived here not long ago,” the Taoist answered. “and I immediately noticed this pile of skulls. Has ‘Iron Corpse’ come here to take revenge on your Shifus and you?”

“Well thought,” the Taoist approved. “Tell them that you transmit a message on behalf of a good friend; they are to keep themselves aside for a while, and take time to find the best solution... There’s no reason to face her needlessly.
needlessly.”

When they touched bottom, they saw the Mei Chaofeng already far away to the north.
reached the bottom
saw

"How could it be that he came to be killed here?" he wondered raising the flap of the ger a little more. At this moment, the murderer turned around and Guo Jing recognized Senggum, the son of Togoril.
He
*Consistency issue: I believe he was called Ong Khan back in chapter 3.

“My brother Temujin is intelligent and courageous,” answered a man, “this plan seems to me difficult to achieve.”
be

“The one that takes the initiative always has the advantage,” another man said. “If you wait for him to attack you, you are lost! After the victory, all of Temujin’s goods, his herds, his wives, and his treasures, will come to Senggum. His men, on the other hand, will be incorporated into Jamuka’s army. Accomplish that, and you will receive the title of ‘Conqueror General of the North’ from the Jin Empire.
Empire.”

The Taoist said, “I didn't want to be seen, that is why I recommended you not say anything about me to your Shifus. But now there is an emergency, and I cannot worry about such details any longer. Go to them and say that Ma Yu, of the Absolute Perfection Sect, asks to see the ‘Six Valiant Knights of Jiangnan’.
Jiangnan’.” *Also why does he call them six valiant knights? We need Athena's light here, heh.

He opened the eyes and saw Seventh Shifu, Han Xiaoying, protecting him with her body, while shouting, “Older Brother, one moment please!”
his

“He...” Guo Jing stammered, “It was him who told me to not say anything...”
not to

He tried to convince his martial brother repeatedly, but Qiu didn't want to hear it.
Qiu Chuji

As last resort, he came to the steppe to try to help Guo Jing with out telling to anyone.
telling

Otherwise, how would he have met the child, by accident, in the immensity of the northern plain?
could

What other reason would he have for dedicating two years of his life to give Guo this precious instruction?
Guo Jing

“Someone told me,” Ma Yu said, “that your Fifth brother, Zhang the Valiant Knight, as well as ‘Soaring Through the Heaven Bat, the valiant Ke, had both been killed by Chen Xuanfeng. But since you killed ‘Copper Corpse’, one could consider that the debt has been paid. As the Ancients say: ‘It is better to unknot a hate that to tie it’. Mei Chaofeng is a lone woman, affected by a serious handicap, and deserves some pity...”
*Is this the correct title of Ke Zhen'E's brother? Just need a confirmation coz I think this is Ke Zhen'E's own title.
than

"He is certainly not weaker than Qiu Chuji, so how come Qiu’s reputation of is so big, whereas one hears practically nothing about Ma Yu? The explanation must be their differing character...”
is

Alarmed, he was going to call out when Zhu Cong, with the quick eyes and fast moves, put his hand over his mouth, while saying in a high voice, “That vicious witch, Mei Chaofeng, if she falls into my hands, I, Qiu Chuji, won't let her escape!
escape!”

“Brother Tan,” Han Xiaoying asked, “what you think about it?”
what do

He had never had a quick mind and he didn't know what to do.
never had

Fearing that it would fall, Guo Jing tried to rein it in a little; but the animal wanted nothing to do with it and rushed on whinnying with joy.
wanted nothing of it

“The Khan is further ahead,” Guo Jing lamented, “but his line of retreat already is cut!”
is already

Guo Jing him recounted what he had heard in Senggum’s ger, and explained that his line of retreat had been cut.
recounted to him

Temujin glanced at him skeptically, not knowing whether he should believe him, “I never got along well with that fool Senggum,” he said to himself, “but my adopted father Togoril needs me now. Jamuka is my sworn brother; how could they plot against me... unless the Sixth Jin Prince trying to sow dissension!”
is trying

He suddenly he saw, at the foot of the hill, a young officer, his armor covered by a coat of grey fur, with a saber in his hand, proudly parading back and forth on his war horse.
'He suddenly' or 'Suddenly he'

Senggum soldiers called, “Fire arrows!” Guo Jing placed Dukhsh behind him, using his body as a shield, so well that the enemy did not dare to fire.
Senggum's

He ordered them to encircle the hill with ordered ranks of wagons, so that Temujin’s horsemen of would be unable to sally out.
would

Towards midnight, a man clothed in white approached foot the foot of the hill. “I am Jamuka,” he cried. “I wish to see my sworn brother Temujin.”
the foot

He stuck out the chest and said, “Great Khan, we are surely going to win, because we cannot be beaten by a coward like Senggum!”
his

“Precisely,” Temujin answered with a smile. “Let's remember what we say tonight. If we manage to survive, henceforth I will consider you as my own son. He then hugged the young man.
said
son.”

Seeing a stroke of the saber arriving, he decided to not worry about of it and to concentrate on attack.
it
and

One among them, armed of a big spear, approached with a jump, “Big Brother, I’ve come to give you a helping hand!”
with

Taking advantage of his distraction, Guo Jing, delivered a stroke ‘The Phoenix Flies off and the Snake Bounds’, as he pointed the tip of the saber at the lower part of the his body.
his opponent's

The man screamed, released his saber and gave a stroke of his hand to the blade of the sword making it fall to the ground. But the tip of Guo Jing’s sword had already penetrated a half inch into his chest! He had saved his life safe, but his palm was cut and bled profusely.
his life

For this reason, while teaching saber arts to Guo Jing, Nan Xiren had particularly emphasized the technique ‘Lone Saber Undoing the Spear’, and insisted that he him learn thoroughly.
he learn it

But how could he close with Guo Jing?
get close to

Besides the ‘Yue Family Lance’, there were a number of great generals, such as Yang Ye or Huyan Zhan, who were lance experts.
*Yue? Its supposed to be Yang. Yue was the sword technique of HXY.

The two Mongolians were invincible on the battlefield, but they were out of their depth in single combat against experts in martial arts.
*No correction. Its just that those seemingly unbeatable generals were pansies compared to good martial artists. If any conqueror trained his armies in martial arts before doing any conquests, the world would be his. Heh.

Guo Jing had tried to provide some assistance to them but it was to no purpose.
it was of no use *his assistance has purpose, its just not effective

Coming at him Guo Jing saw, at the same time, a saber, javelin, whip and axes! Since he was unarmed, he could not parry or reply, so his only option was to avoid the blows employing his lightness art [Qinggong]. He was nevertheless hit by several blows, and tumbled to ground.
*If he was hit by several blows, how come he's not bloody yet? They had weapons for crying out loud.
to the

His left foot just reached the ground and had landed on the head of the person using the axes (I not sure if this is by accident or intention);
*Need Athena's light.

He desperately grabbed tightly to axe man’s chest. With all his strength, he lifted up the axes man and held over his body for protection.
axe

The other three begin kicking Guo Jing’s shoulder and feet.
began

The three, for the time being, couldn’t do any to Guo Jing.
anything

Using a stance [the lazy interest on interest](translated by WorldLingo, not sure it is correct)

[…….](can’t translate the name but I think it is a soft whip) that was used for protection.
*Again, we need you oh Goddess of Wisdom.

Laying flat on his back he used the move ‘Golden Dragon Whip [Jin Long] technique which covered all of the weak points on his body.
technique’

Put on file me the camp!
*Another underlined mistranslated part. Goddess of Wisdom show us the light. Note: There are many of these underlined parts in these chapter.

“Misusing a name?” the axe man said. “This is our Elder Brother Shen Qinggang, nicknamed ‘Saber Breaks Down The Soul’; this is our Second brother, Wu Qinglie, nicknamed ‘Lance Seizes Life’; this our Third brother Ma Qingxiong, nicknamed ‘Whip Captures Spirit”; and I, Qian Qingjian, am nicknamed ‘Axe Buries Family’.”
this is
Spirit’

Senggum, who was going to order to his men to block the pass, hesitated upon seeing that his son menaced.
to order

That evening, Temujin gave a large banquet to reward his soldiers, but he placed Dukhsh in the place of honor, which caused general indignation. The Khan offered three toasts to pay homage to Dukhsh and said, “Togoril, my adoptive father, and my brother Senggum have always treated me well. There is no reason for hatred between our families. Please present my excuses to them, which will be accompanied with gifts of great value. I won't hold a grudge against you because of what you have done. After you return, you will prepare for your marriage to my daughter. We will hold a great feast and we will invite the chiefs of all the tribes. There will be great rejoicing. You will be my son-in-law and thus my son. From now on the two families must be united as one and not let themselves be divided by gossip.
gossip.”

Dukhsh, relieved at not being killed, accepted all what was offered.
that

He withdrew his hand from under his tunic; it was covered with blood! “It may even be necessary,” he began again, “to marry you (to my daughter) before I am fully recovered. If not, it will be necessary to wait for not too long a time.
time.”

“Even if you spare my life,” answered Jamuka with tears in his eyes, “I haven't the honor left to live in this world. I only beg that you to let me die without bloodshed, so that my soul will not leave my body.”
'that you let' or 'you to let'

“A friend, who remained in the Central Plains, wrote to inform us. By the way, he wishes that we take Jing’er to Jiangnan to meet the son of Yang, and to compare their kung fu.
kung fu.”

Guo Jing leaned over, lightly pressed her to him, then rode towards Tolui and hugged him also. Then he urged his horse into a gallop in order to catch up with his six Shifus who were already far ahead
ahead.



Chapter 6 done!

[JamesG]

Thanks Bangs,

"Coming at him Guo Jing saw, at the same time, a saber, javelin, whip and axes! Since he was unarmed, he could not parry or reply, so his only option was to avoid the blows employing his lightness art [Qinggong]. He was nevertheless hit by several blows, and tumbled to ground.
*If he was hit by several blows, how come he's not bloody yet? They had weapons for crying out loud."

I'll change it to glancing blows but even that would have shredded his clothing and drawn some blood!

Go to them and say that Ma Yu, of the Absolute Perfection Sect, asks to see the ‘Six Valiant Knights of Jiangnan’.
Jiangnan’.” *Also why does he call them six valiant knights? We need Athena's light here, heh.

Ma Yu is a very correct and straight-forward man and may have felt uncomfortable about using the word 'Freaks', so he came up with more honorable words.

I won't post chapter 7 until the problem sentences in chapter 6 are fixed. I've asked for help with them from other sources and if they don't come through I will email Athena about them.

[Bangs]

Ma Yu is a very correct and straight-forward man and may have felt uncomfortable about using the word 'Freaks', so he came up with more honorable words.

I won't post chapter 7 until the problem sentences in chapter 6 are fixed. I've asked for help with them from other sources and if they don't come through I will email Athena about them.

Well, that's a good explanation but still, are there any knights in ancient china? Isn't knight only used in medieval europe? It would be more appropriate if he said 'heroes' or 'masters' or 'experts'.

And yeah, I think we shouldn't bother our Goddess for now, she might be busy ruling the world hehe. j/k

[JamesG]

Well, that's a good explanation but still, are there any knights in ancient china? Isn't knight only used in medieval europe? It would be more appropriate if he said 'heroes' or 'masters' or 'experts'.

And yeah, I think we shouldn't bother our Goddess for now, she might be busy ruling the world hehe. j/k

I did some digging and the ‘Yue Family Lance’ or spear is historically correct as is the Yang Family Spear.

I did email the 'Goddess' regarding the underlined sentences and the 'Knights' question.

[Bangs]

I did some digging and the ‘Yue Family Lance’ or spear is historically correct as is the Yang Family Spear.

I did email the 'Goddess' regarding the underlined sentences and the 'Knights' question.

Well we still have to make sure that in that part of the novel they are referring to the Yue family spear not the Yang family spear. It may cause confusion to readers because the Yang family spear is introduced very well but the Yue family spear is not even mentioned once until that very part. So we'll have to ask if the original chinese texts are indeed referring to the Yue family spear art.

Oh and dont forget to include a prayer to the Goddess lest we incur her wrath. I didn't know they used computer technology at Mt. Olympus.

[dgfds01]

James, I will review Chapter 6. I'll also do what I can about the underlined bits. Been busy, just give me a couple more days. Should be able to get something done this weekend.

[dgfds01]

Chapter 6.1

Zhu Cong and Quan Jinfa were more and more astonished and stood for a long time in silence until the others ‘Freaks’ arrived.
other

Fearing to fall into the hands of enemies, they brought their weapons and their invisible projectiles.
Fearing that they would fall or Afraid of falling
had brought
hidden

“We’ll have a difficult time going up there,” she said.
getting

The Six brothers and she also hid, waiting for enemies.
She and her six brothers had also hidden

The only difference was, that she wouldn’t see Zhang Ahsheng and his always smiling face.
No comma.
that now, she wouldn't be able to see

They tried to looking up but couldn’t see anything.
tried

“Sixth brother,” Zhu Cong said, “Let’s see what’s up there.”
Let's go up and have a look

“Will you be able to climb it?” Han Baoju asked.
Should be we since Zhu Cong meant that both of them should go up.
up

Quan Jinfa and Zhu Cong attached themselves to each other with the rope and undertook the climb.
'Undertook' isn't exactly the best choice of words. How about commenced?

They dug some holes and planted the nails in order to make sure anchor points.
in them and firm
Maybe hand- and foot-holds will be better than 'anchor points'.

Next to a big rock they saw, perfectly stacked, nine white skulls; five below, three in the middle and one on the top; identical to the arrangement once made by the ‘Twin Killers of the Dark Winds’.
Next to a big rock, they saw nine white skulls prefectly stacked - five below, three in the middle and one on the top. This was identical......

Obviously, the power of the fingers of the ‘Killer’ had increased considerably when compared to the ones they had seen ten years ago.
Killers

Then they climbed down to tell to the others what they had seen.
to tell

“Honest and straight-forward?” Ke Zhen’E sneered. “How could he learn those martial arts with that witch for two years and not tell us anything?”
from

“That’s it! That’s it!” Zhu Cong exclaimed. “She wants us all to die at Jing’er’s hands, and then she will kill him.
under

Afterward, when the witch arrives to train him, we will take care of her.
Afterwards

“Eliminate Jing’er?” Han Xiaoying exclaimed, frightened. “And the challenge we made with Qiu Chuji?”
And what about the challenge

Hearing him mention Zhang Ahsheng, Han Xiaoying felt heart broken again.
was heart-broken

Let's obey to our elder Brother’s wish!
Just obey

He also told how he himself, without intending it, killed Chen Xuanfeng.
told of how and to
I would prefer to rewrite the whole sentence as: He also told of how he had unintentionally killed Chen Xuanfeng.

But Older Shifu always says: ‘Not for sure! Not for sure’!
Eldest

“Older Shifu made her blind,” Guo Jing said, “we are not afraid of her.”
Eldest

The Taoist took a skull in his hand and attentively examined it.
carefully

Today, we are eight... You... will you help us, in this danger or not?”
Delete comma.

“I thought about it for a little while,” the Taoist answered
I've thought

As says the proverb: ‘Those that wish you good don't come to find you, those that come to find you don't wish you good’!
As the proverb says, well

“But what’s the reason she arranged the skulls here? Won't we be extra cautious after seeing them?”
But why did she arrange the skulls here?
or
But what's her reason for arranging the skulls here?

“Well thought,” the Taoist approved. “Tell them that you transmit a message on behalf of a good friend;
Don't like 'transmit'; pass would be better.

He shrank against the rock, not daring to make a noise, only risking a quick look.
sound. 'A sound' is better than 'a noise'.

She trained for a time, and then replaced the whip at her waist.
while

At this moment, the murderer turned around and Guo Jing recognized Senggum, the son of Togoril.
Bang's comment is noted. Also, it should be spelt as Toghrul

“My brother Temujin is intelligent and courageous,” answered a man, “this plan seems to me difficult to achieve.”
it seems to me that it is difficult for the plan to succeed

At that moment, Guo Jing felt the Taoist pull him by the sleeve. He turned around, and saw Mei Chaofeng a little ways off.
way

The Taoist said, “I didn't want to be seen, that is why I recommended you not say anything about me to your Shifus.
He didn't recommend. He ordered him not to tell. So ordered or told would be more appropriate.

Go to them and say that Ma Yu, of the Absolute Perfection Sect, asks to see the ‘Six Valiant Knights of Jiangnan’.
I think it would be better to call it Quanzhen with a note explaining what it means, rather than translating it.
As for Bang's comment: He called them the Six xia of Jiangnan. The same 'xia' as in wuxia. Loosely translated as 'heros'. It wouldn't have been very polite for him to have called them 'weirdos'.

he obeyed and ran in the ger shouting, “Elder Shifu!”
Eldest

He saw that it was his elder Shifu, Ke Zhen’E, who had knocked him down with his heavy iron staff.
Eldest

He heard the clank of two weapons clashing, and then felt someone throwing themselves over him.
themself. It was only one person, no plural.

He opened the eyes and saw Seventh Shifu, Han Xiaoying,
his

“Him... He...” Guo Jing stammered. “He is... There… outside... He asks to
to see you...”
there. No capital 't'.

But all they saw was a white haired Taoist, hands joined in salute. No sign of Mei Chaofeng!
white-haired; There was no

For this reason, his reputation in the world of the martial arts didn't equal the one of Qiu Chuji.
didn't equal Qiu Chuji's

As for the power of his kung fu, no one had ever seen it in action and could not judge how strong he was.
him

He interrogated Yin Zhiping, who confirmed to him that Guo Jing didn't have any neigong.
confirmed

He tried to convince his martial brother repeatedly, but Qiu didn't want to hear it.
would not hear of it or would not listen

As last resort, he came to the steppe to try to help Guo Jing with out telling to anyone.
As a last resort; without; anyone

For displaying so much nobility and humility, which contrasted with the bravery and contrived arrogance of his martial brothers, the Six bowed and saluted him.
brother. They had only met one brother, Qiu Chuji.

In spite of his anguish, the young man didn't dare interrupt his Senior Shifu, who got angry for the slightest reason.
at

He hoped to be able to benefit from a pause in the conversation to explain the emergency of the situation.
urgency

Suddenly, a horse arrived at a gallop. The rider was Hua Zheng wearing a short jacket of black fox.
black fox fur

Fearing punishment by his Shifus, Guo Jing didn't dare move away, but signaled her to approach.
from

He liked the girl as a sister and had always protected her.
loved.

He had wondered if she was going to be able to avoid this disgraceful marriage; now he was delighted for her and came back with a smile on his lips.
a smile appeared on his lips

“I don't have the intention of glorifying the enemy nor to belittle us,” Ma Yu said, “but Mei Chaofeng knows the essence of the Senior of Peach Blossom Island’s teachings.
mean to glorify

If we unite our strength, we may not lose, but we won't certainly defeat her without suffering some damage.”
certaintly won't; harm

‘Soaring Through the Heaven Bat, the valiant Ke,
Dragon

“She’s finalized this perverse and dangerous technique,”
mastered

“This time,” said Zhu Cong, “she came to look for us and not the opposite...”
looking

“And even if we avoid it this time,” Quan Jinfa said, “if she wants to take vengeance on us, we will never be secure.”
safe

Zhu Cong didn't want to speak, letting Ke Zhen’E take care of the decision.
make

It appeared that the Taoist was trying to grant a safe life to ‘Iron Corpse’, but in reality he was trying to save the face of the Six Freaks.
safe the life of the

But the Quanzhen Sect represented the orthodox martial arts.
Inconsistent with the above where 'Absolute Perfection' wa used. But much better......

“Thanks to the virtues of our deceased founder,” Ma Yu said, “the seven martial brothers benefit from a small reputation in the world of martial arts.
us

"He is certainly not weaker than Qiu Chuji, so how come Qiu’s reputation of is so big, whereas one hears practically nothing about Ma Yu? The explanation must be their differing character...”
is so great; different characters

“The ‘Sage of Tranquility’ has always had a tender heart,” Zhu Cong said while laughing. “It’s not surprising that she always says that you can reach the Way easily!”
Shifu/Master always said - the Chinese text.

“It's a good thing that it is a black night,” Mei Chaofeng reassured herself, “otherwise they would have discovered me already. I give thanks to the Sky and the Earth, so long as the moon doesn't appear!”
Heaven and Earth

I think this is a good place to stop.

[JamesG]

Well we still have to make sure that in that part of the novel they are referring to the Yue family spear not the Yang family spear. It may cause confusion to readers because the Yang family spear is introduced very well but the Yue family spear is not even mentioned once until that very part. So we'll have to ask if the original chinese texts are indeed referring to the Yue family spear art.

Oh and dont forget to include a prayer to the Goddess lest we incur her wrath. I didn't know they used computer technology at Mt. Olympus.

I would imagine they use 'wireless' on Mount Olympus.
dgfds01 is at work and did say that the word should be 'Valliant Heroes' rather than 'Knights'.
I pretty sure the Yue family reference is correct and I'll do some digging on the Huyan spear and add a note of explanation just for you.

Thanks dgfds01.

[dgfds01]

I don't know why that whole section appeared in bold. I tried to fix it but couldn't figure out the problem.

[HuangYushi]

I don't know why that whole section appeared in bold. I tried to fix it but couldn't figure out the problem.

First, look for this line:

[B]But why did she arrange the skulls here?

and remove the [B]

Then, look for this line:

[B/]there. No capital 't'.

and remove the [B/]

Finally, look for this line:

certaintly won't[B]; [B]harm

and remove the [B] and [B], or add a slash "/" before the second [B].

Hope the above helps.

HYS

[JamesG]

I don't know why that whole section appeared in bold. I tried to fix it but couldn't figure out the problem.

Just to show you how focused I was....I didn't even notice it when I went through that part! I had to look back at my print-out just now to see it.
Don't fuss over it and just carry on.

[dgfds01]

First, look for this line:

and remove the [B]

Then, look for this line:

and remove the [B/]

Finally, look for this line:

and remove the [B] and [B], or add a slash "/" before the second [B].

Hope the above helps.

HYS

No wonder. Thanks. Should have looked at it more closely.

[dgfds01]

dgfds01 is at work and did say that the word should be 'Valliant Heroes' rather than 'Knights'.

Just 'Heroes'. I think xia was translated to 'Valiant Knights'.
__________________________________________________ ______

Chapter 6.2

“The Khan is further ahead,” Guo Jing lamented, “but his line of retreat already is cut!”
has already been cut off

Guo Jing him recounted what he had heard in Senggum’s ger, and explained that his line of retreat had been cut.
recounted to him or just recounted. cut off

how could they plot against me... unless the Sixth Jin Prince trying to sow dissension!”
is trying

Shortly after, they saw dust clouds rising in the south, raised by several thousand riders that galloped in pursuit of Chagatai and Tchila'un.
galloping

Jebe had particularly good eyesight and distinguished the banners of the pursuers.
recognise

Chagatai, Tchila'un, Jebe and Guo Jing at last reached the hill. Their companions dropped a rain of arrows on their pursuers who did not dare to launch a frontal attack, and for the moment, waited out of range.
fired would be better

The Khan well knew that it was impossible to break the encirclement and that it was better to stall. “Why is Brother Senggum afraid to approach and parley?” he cried.
stall for time

If that continues, we all will starve to death! If we did not fight amongst ourselves, why should we be afraid of the Jin Empire?
will all

I have always maintained good relations with my adopted father; there is no hatred between our two families.
adoptive

Why should those that tire themselves working to nourish those that do nothing?
work

“Move your men back two hundred zhangs!”
How about making a note explaining how long a 'zhang' is?

Senggum, upset and worried to see his well armed son fall into the hands of the enemy, could do nothing but back up his army.
well-armed

On three occasions, Senggum sent a messenger to negotiate.
'Occassions' makes it sound like it happened over an extended period of time, not a short time.
Senggum sent a messenger to negotiate three times.

Fearing that Senggum would use the dusk to attack, Temujin ordered that everyone should redouble their vigilance.
Just double will do.

Towards midnight, a man clothed in white approached foot the foot of the hill.
the foot

Don't call me ungrateful or traitor.
a traitor

These past days, you’ve been sending people to convince my soldiers to join your army by saying that, once back home, the resources gained in the battle belong to the ones that fought for them.
battle

He sighed, dug a hole with a dagger and buried the gifts of his former sworn brother in it.
his gifts to his
Those were the gifts he had given to Jamuka.

Guo Jing was next to him, also feeling heart broken.
heart-broken

He stuck out the chest and said, “Great Khan, we are surely going to win, because we cannot be beaten by a coward like Senggum!”
his chest

The horns sounded repeatedly in the ranks of the enemy.
Horns

He was covered with armor, a golden helmet and a shield of gold on his arm.
had a

The movement so well done that he was forced to move back three steps.
was so well executed

Surprised, he saw a young man with a strong build standing in front of Ogedai.
Wasn't this spelt Ogodei?

All of a sudden, he remembered, "Elder Shifu often said that, in the fight, it is very important to take the initiative and not just defend. Up to now I keep defending, so I only retreat."
Eldest; until/'til

Seeing a stroke of the saber arriving, he decided to not worry about of it and to concentrate on attack.
about it and attacking

He thrust his sword toward the enemy.
thrusted and towards

The man, seeing him so daring, became a little preoccupied with his own safety, felt some fear and moved back, Guo Jing took the initiative and increased the strength of his attack.
concerned about. Change comma to fullstop, splitting it up into two sentences is better.

One among them, armed of a big spear, approached with a jump
of and with

Taking advantage of his distraction, Guo Jing, delivered a stroke ‘The Phoenix Flies off and the Snake Bounds’, as he pointed the tip of the saber at the lower part of the his body.
He was using a sword
his

Seeing the professional attitude of these elite warriors, each was armed with long spears.
Hanging sentence.
How about: These elite warriors , each armed with a long spear, displayed a professional attitude.

He had repeated these polite forms of address for a long time, but this was the first time that he’d actually used them for real.
practiced

“Our names,” the man with the saber said, while casting a glance towards his brothers-in-arms, “even if I told you, the junior would not know them. Protect yourself!”
'The junior' - doesn't flow in the sentence; you
Defend

They exchanged for about thirty more strokes.
about

They all watched with fascination this astonishing fight.
They all watched this asonishing fight with fascination.

Guo Jing twisted and replied with a stroke called ‘Turn Around to Pick the Fruit’ toward the arm that held the saber.
towards

The man screamed, released his saber and gave a stroke of his hand to the blade of the sword making it fall to the ground.
struck the blade of the sword with his hand,

He had saved his life safe, but his palm was cut and bled profusely.
saved his life

He then heard the hiss of a weapon behind him and heard Jebe shout, “Watch out, behind!”
behind you

He wheeled around and thrust towards Guo Jing's chest.
thrusted

Now he found that the martial arts foundations of this young man were well rounded and not limited to one weapon.
well-rounded

Even the Older Brother of the four assailants, an expert wielder of the saber, was somewhat impressed.
eldet brother

But upon contacting the lance, his palm immediately felt the slowness of his opponent.
making contact with

For the two years that he practiced neigong, the reactions of his body had become quicker than his thoughts.
After practicing neigong for two years

Qiu Chuji, for his part, paid special attention to this weapon in the training of Yang's son, in order not to spoil the reputation of his ancestors.
damage


For this reason, while teaching saber arts to Guo Jing, Nan Xiren had particularly emphasized the technique ‘Lone Saber Undoing the Spear’, and insisted that he him learn thoroughly.
he

But how could he close with Guo Jing?
come close to

Aware that Yang Kang would, without a doubt, be well trained in spear tactics, the Six Freaks had provided an exhaustive spear foundation for their disciple.
well-trained

During the Song Dynasty, the army attached great importance to the lance. Besides the ‘Yue Family Lance’, there were a number of great generals, such as Yang Ye or Huyan Zhan, who were lance experts.
About Bang's comment: the Yue Family Spear is a technique associated with the famous Song general Yue Fei. I agree with Bangs is calling it spear rather than lance.
I believe Yang Ye was the partiach of the famous Yang family of legends. No idea who Huyan Zhan is though his name does ring a bell.

Guo Jing had tried to provide some assistance to them but it was to no purpose.
avail

The expert using the two axes was still angry from Guo Jing’s last kick; he kept circling his axes prepared to cut him down.
about

Guo Jing jumped to the side to avoid them, but the saber was already above his head. Guo Jing bent down to dodge it. His left foot just reached the ground and had landed on the head of the person using the axes (I not sure if this is by accident or intention)
From the Chinese text (roughly): Guo Jing jumped up to avoid them, but the sabre was already chopping down at his head. He moved his body to the side, dodging the sabre. His left foot came down directly onto the axe man's head.
-- Sure sound deliberate to me, but my understanding isn't that great when it comes to little nuances.

The elder martial arts brother, the one using the saber, said to his younger martial arts brothers, “Hold them off, and I will kill this bastard.”
Consistency issue - are we going to use 'brother-in-arms' or 'martial brother' ('matrial arts brother' is too much of a mouthful)?

Using a stance [the lazy interest on interest](translated by WorldLingo, not sure it is correct) he rolled away two zhangs.
Using the stance '[U]The Lazy Donkey Rolls', he rolled two zhang away.

Guo Jing suddenly remembered something, with his hand, he reached to the back of his waist area and pull out […….](can’t translate the name but I think it is a soft whip) that was used for protection.
pulled out a soft whip to protect his body

Laying flat on his back he used the move ‘Golden Dragon Whip [Jin Long] technique which covered all of the weak points on his body.
Lying and protected
Jin Long Bian Fa

Just as his position became critical, cries came from the foot of the hill.
situation

Put on file me the camp!
Well, the Chinese text was 要不要脸 which losely means 'Do you want face or not?'.
But I would write it as 'Have you no face?' just cos it flows better.

this our Third brother Ma Qingxiong, nicknamed ‘Whip Captures Spirit”; and I, Qian Qingjian, am nicknamed ‘Axe Buries Family’.”
this is

Muqali swept his saber down on the nape of the neck of Dukhsh and shouted, “Open up the pass! Open up the pass!”
Senggum, who was going to order to his men to block the pass, hesitated upon seeing that his son menaced.
From the Chinese version:
Get out of the way! Get out of the way!
intercept them

Several li further away, in the cloud of dust, was Tolui and his soldiers.
Unnecessary.

In fact, Tolui, being young, had not been able to make himself obey the chieftains and generals, so much as it did not dispose personal seal of his father.
He had not therefore been able to make fun that some thousands of young warriors that had well wanted to follow him.
Translation from Chinese text: It turned out that as Tolui was young, the chieftains and generals had refused to obey him without Temujin's command signal (the wooden thing people hold up in Chinese series to show they have orders/authority - not sure exactly what it's called). He could only lead a few thousand young soldiers here.

He then conceived the idea of attaching branches to the tails of the horses, so that quantity of dust thus raised concealed the numbers of his soldiers.
number

Temujin returned to his camp in safety.
This phrase wasn't in the Chinese text. What it actually said is:
Temujin's army returned to camp. On the way, they met Hua Zheng leading a small company of soldiers. When she saw that they were unharmed, she was so happy that she kept talking incessantly.

(Du Gu seeking a win)