Mobile Suit Gundam - The Second Century (Part 1: Prelude 0099)

[ghostdarTeal'c]

cant say that im flattered at the offer, but i hate to butt in your fanfic. i mean, it is your work, right? i have no bussiness around here other than reading but the real reason would be im afraid that my english would not be up to your par. i mean, how can i compare to an english teacher? and wouldnt it be awkward having two styles of writing in one fanfic? plus, im stuck with fanfics of my own to work on too.....

honestly, ken, you're doing a great job. if you cant do the fight scenes, then dont. it would probably ruin the whole flow if you attempt to do something that youre not good at, anyway.....

geesh...what the hell am i saying? you're much more experienced than me with this fanfic writing....10-year-experience, not to mention!! well, ill just shut up now....keep up the already good work, ken

and i wonder why didnt you hound sheraldine to read the fanfic as much as me....hmmm

[Ken Cheng]

cant say that im flattered at the offer, but i hate to butt in your fanfic. i mean, it is your work, right? i have no bussiness around here other than reading but the real reason would be im afraid that my english would not be up to your par. i mean, how can i compare to an english teacher? and wouldnt it be awkward having two styles of writing in one fanfic? plus, im stuck with fanfics of my own to work on too.....

honestly, ken, you're doing a great job. if you cant do the fight scenes, then dont. it would probably ruin the whole flow if you attempt to do something that youre not good at, anyway.....

geesh...what the hell am i saying? you're much more experienced than me with this fanfic writing....10-year-experience, not to mention!! well, ill just shut up now....keep up the already good work, ken

and i wonder why didnt you hound sheraldine to read the fanfic as much as me....hmmm

Heh. Writing fiction doesn't require a perfect command of grammar. A more important consideration is keeping it interesting for the reader.

I guess I don't do fight scenes well because I don't have the patience for them. My strength is in characterization. I really look forward to writing the scenes with Athena and Jolie just kind of b*tching at each other (which they do alot). Those are always my favorites.

But I was also influenced by Jin Yong . You're in Episode 5, did you say? I don't know if you've read the fight scene yet, but I did substantially rewrite that from the way I wrote it ten years ago. I tried to describe it the way I imagine Jin Yong describing fights (but there's some Gu Long influence too, as you don't know who wins the fight until the explosions die down). I'd like to do better fight scenes as I go along. There's one coming up soon in Episode 6 (Athena and Jolie have to fight off the Blackbirds while also trying not to get burnt to a crisp by atmospheric re-entry; that's always fun).

As for sheraldine...I wasn't sure if she was reading. I know you are.

[sheraldine]

As for sheraldine...I wasn't sure if she was reading. I know you are.

of course i read, but typically just too lazy to comment

eh ken,.... do continue to "haunt" ghost....

[ghostdarTeal'c]

I guess I don't do fight scenes well because I don't have the patience for them.

ah, unlike myself, i love writing fight scenes.....but i can say i generally suck at characterization....but i guess as long as my readers dont complain i'll just keep doing that

But I was also influenced by Jin Yong too. You're in Episode 5, did you say? I don't know if you've read the fight scene yet, but I did substantially rewrite that from the way I wrote it ten years ago. I tried to describe it the way I imagine Jin Yong describing fights (but there's some Gu Long influence too, as you don't know who wins the fight until the explosions die down). I'd like to do better fight scenes as I go along. There's one coming up soon in Episode 6 (Athena and Jolie have to fight off the Blackbirds while also trying not to get burnt to a crisp by atmospheric re-entry; that's always fun).

i'll be looking forward to it....

As for sheraldine...I wasn't sure if she was reading. I know you are.

oh yeah, she reads......she communicates with me thru Yahoo Messenger, and when i brought up about you hounding me on your fanfic, she wondered why didnt you do the same with her...haha......i think you could be missing one precious reader here...

EDIT: ah, i see sher is finally here...probably cant stay quiet seeing how people are talking bout her...

[Ken Cheng]

Great! At least I have two fans!

Seriously, my thanks to you both for taking the time. It's nice to know that one's work is being appreciated.

Your remarks have inspired me to work harder on developing the fight scenes. This is, at least in part, an ACTION story, after all. It would be really lame if the action scenes sucked (which they kind of did on the first draft).

I think I'm going to make a point of expanding the fighting scenes. The hardest part is imagining how it would look and then turning that into language. What I try to avoid is simply describing things I've seen in previous GUNDAM manga and anime (it would be lame to just copy what's already been done), but it's hard to come up with cool new moves.

Also, what makes it difficult is that the fighting (so far) has mainly been done within emtpy space...or the tight confines of a space colony....each of which offer their own challenges when it comes to choreographing big robot fights.

But in the next Episode/Chapter, the action moves down to Earth...that might help.

[sheraldine]

EDIT: ah, i see sher is finally here...probably cant stay quiet seeing how people are talking bout her...

amboi! talking behind my back yeah....

and ken, u never strike me as a NC 17 type lah....hmmmm....

[Ken Cheng]

and ken, u never strike me as a NC 17 type lah....hmmmm....

I'm just full of surprises.

There are going to be some interesting developments for our characters after they land on Earth...

[Ken Cheng]

Episode 6 continued...

That evening, at 23:05, Side 7 local time, Captain Athena Ibaz, 2Lt. Jolie Minh, and the twenty-three other mobile suit pilots from the Aragon, Centurion, Gallant, Moscow, and Xerxes Teams seal the O-rings of their normalsuit collars and the reinforced Plasglas visor shields of their helmets. Combat computer systems are engaged. Twenty-five mobile suits step onto hydraualic catapults that hurl the armored combat mecha from the airlocks of Garrison Noah into the black emptiness of cosmos.

At precisely 23:18, Side 7 local time, the Earth Federation Forces space shuttles Silverthread and Nightwing launch from Garrison Noah in Side 7, en rout to the Federation's Shanghai Whampoa Base on Earth.

During the past forty-eight hours, reconnaisance flights of Federal Forces AWAC units have swept the re-entry azimuth that the two shuttles would be traveling upon during their descent into Earth's atmosphere. The reconnaissance crews have detected nothing amiss...nothing that would pose a threat.

In this era, however, in which the Minovsky particle has rendered long-range monitoring and tracking all but impossible, dangers often go undetected until they strike. To venture into the cosmos is to venture into potential ambush.


************************************************** ***************

An unassuming commercial cargo craft approaches LaGrange Point Three, apparently on course to Side 7. In thirty seconds, it will come within range of the Side 7 Zone, at which time it will likely be intercepted and ordered to turn back by Federal Forces patrol units.

In less than a third of those thirty seconds, three mobile suits rapidly disgorge themselves from the cargo bay of the shuttle. Three mobile suits painted the black of the endless cosmos.

Dirk Kirscher, Mugabe Gazi, and Hyo-Kyung Song - Blackbird Leader, Blackbird Two, and Blackbird Three. The three are silent as stones as their triplicate mobile suits speed toward their targets of destiny. Radio silence must be maintained to avoid prematurely revealing their presence, but there is really no need to communicate - at least not verbally. Three minds had become one through years of cooperation. Three sets of deadly reflexes. Three heralds of hell.

************************************************** ***************

"Re-entry azimuth attained," reports the Silverthread's navigator from the shuttle's cockpit, "will make contact with outer atmosphere in T-Minus 600 seconds and counting."

Aboard the Nightwing, another navigator issues a similar report.

The navigational control tower at Shanghai Whampoa Base acknowledges the twin reports, "Roger that, Silverthread and Nightwing. Escort squadron from Earthside will be making contact with you in T-Minus 0480 seconds and counting."

Inside the cockpit of the Centurion Gundam, Jolie suddenly experiences a throbbing headache, "Oooooh."

Hearing Jolie's moan, Athena opens communications to the Centurion Gundam's cockpit, "Centurion Leader to Centurion Two. Are you all right, Jolie?"

"Bad headache...all of a sudden...heavy pressure...in head," Jolie replies.

A few seconds later, Athena begins to feel it too, albeit at a lesser intensity than Jolie does, "You're right...I'm also sensing it here."

Athena has a strong hunch about what her and Jolie's sudden headaches mean.

Athena quickly issues an order to Corporal Anna Horowitz, "Anna, position your AWAC unit directly above the Silverthread."

"Yes, ma'am," Anna replies as she complies with her commanding officer's orders.


************************************************** ***************

At a distance of 10,000 meters behind the two shuttles and their escort squads, Blackbirds Two and Three draw beads on the engine blocks of the Silverthread and Nightwing, respectively. The beam rifles of the two Gellond mobile suits, primed and charged, are a heartbeat away from unleashing their lightning.

Swift execution from the heavens.

************************************************** **************


"Detect anything?" Athena inquires.

Anna replies, "Nothing, ma'am. Just some...wait a second. Heat source building at my 12 o'clock position."

Alarmed, Athena transforms the Cour De Leon from Waverider into mobile suit mode. Athena points the beam rifle of her mobile suit in the direction being fed into the Cour De Leon's combat computer from the computer of Anna's GM-IV AWAC. Even as the Cour De Leon fires a ruby red beam from its rifle, Athena notices that Jolie's Centurion Gundam is doing the same.


Episode 6 to be continued...

[Ken Cheng]

This is mainly for readers (hopefully) other than ghost and sheraldine:

I've noticed a great many fanfics on this forum getting remarks without solicitation, but mine isn't. I've been all but BEGGING people to remark on my fanfic, and only ghost and sheraldine have responded.

What's wrong?

1. Is it too boring?


2. Is it badly written?


3. Do the characters and their story fail to engage you?


4. Is my writing style too difficult to follow?



5. Are you just not interested in GUNDAM or sci-fi?



6. Is it because the story's characters aren't based on the currently most popular Asian idol stars (Tea Leoni is an American actress of the 1990s and Joey Meng has been away from the acting scene for a while)?



7. Is there not enough romance in the story (that will change eventually, you know)?



8. Are you worried about talking to me about my fanfic because I'm a moderator and you're afraid I'll ban you if you don't say something complimentary about it (that's nonsense; I wouldn't do anything like that)?



9. Have I offended people somewhere along the way and am being ignored/boycotted as punishment?




I'd REALLY like to know. I'm not looking *just* for compliments (although they'd be nice). If there's something wrong, I want to know about that too so that I can work on improving the story. I see alot of view clicks on my fanfic, but very few comments...and when so many other fanfics are drawing comments, it's really a bit discouraging.

Please help out, people.

[ghostdarTeal'c]

amboi! talking behind my back yeah....

well, someone have to do something to pull you out of the closet... i am in no way letting anyone go from sharing the KEN FANFIC HOUNDING TORTURE with me btw, dont you feel pity with that look on his face? he badly needs feedback to boost his self-esteem in fanfic writing......

and i wonder how much more self-esteem would an english teacher need to keep on writing a great fanfic like this......

8. Are you worried about talking to me about my fanfic because I'm a moderator and you're afraid I'll ban you if you don't say something complimentary about it (that's nonsense; I wouldn't do anything like that)?

you guys would seriously believe that? diss his fanfic and off with your head....c'mon, this SuperMod is not someone you wanna mess with, people....he cuts and hacks and emerges your threads to his own desire, he even made a thread dedicated to himself and more importantly, he's concocting a plan to hold a coup against the Empress of spcnet! not any mod can do that, you know.....this one is bloating with power!

but you gotta admit one thing too....he's one of the cool mods who doesnt close down threads for going off-topic.....

[Ken Cheng]

Today's new excerpt reminded me of how difficult it really is to write the fight scenes. For one thing, it's hard to imagine how to distinguish the abilities of regular mobile suit pilots (who are all ready amazing) from good pilots (like Athena and the enemy aces) to the Great pilots (like Jolie). It all seems the same. I mean, after describing how graceful the regular pilots' maneuvers are, how do I make Jolie's make look 100 times greater without going into unbelievable and hyperbolic mode? They're all shooting missiles and energy beams at each other, and some dodge them better than others. It's hard getting descrptive with that.

Gives you a greater appreciation for Jin Yong.

[ghostdarTeal'c]

Gives you a greater appreciation for Jin Yong.

oh yeah, you got that right....

btw, why dont you go off to some quiet corner and write me a good fight scene now...

[Ken Cheng]

oh yeah, you got that right....

btw, why dont you go off to some quiet corner and write me a good fight scene now...

Unfortunately, I've got a boring Economics paper to edit for someone tonight.

Earlier today, I did write some more of those characterization scenes I enjoy so much...but no early spoilers. You'll get to those soon enough.

But, "sigh," do I wish I could write good fight scenes...

[Ken Cheng]

and i wonder how much more self-esteem would an english teacher need to keep on writing a great fanfic like this......

Well, when the neigboring wuxia fanfics on the forum are drawing constant fanmail, and I'm getting zero input (other than what you and sheraldine have offered), it feeds the beast of insecurity.

So on a writing I will go...

[Ken Cheng]

Case in point: here's a dilemma I'm hoping someone might help me with.

In the chapter I'm currently editing and preparing for posting, the Blackbirds are attempting to shoot down two space shuttles carrying two important Federation generals. The Blackbirds are assassins and ace pilots, and they have very advanced mobile suits (although not that much better than the ones our heroes are using).

On the one hand, they have to pose a threat to the generals and show off their great skill and stealth. They're really hard to detect and even harder to hit. With me so far?

But the thing is, if they're too good, they'll just shoot the two shuttles and it'll be over...and our heroes won't even get a chance to fight (or they will, but they'll have failed because they would not have protected the generals).

On the other hand, if the heroes just thwart the Blackbirds too easily (I don't really like how the latest excerpt ended; I'm going to have to rethink and rewrite that when I have time), then the villains look like they suck and aren't really that good after all.

I'm having a real time thinking my way out of this: the villains have to be really dangerous, really a threat. The good guys have to be good enough to stop them, but not so easily that the villains don't look threatening.

That's *really* hard to do, however, when missiles and beam energy weapons can disintegrate a target with just one shot. If both sides miss too often, then they don't look like the great ace pilots they're supposed to be (what kind of an ace keeps missing?). On the other hand, if they hit each other too quickly, the fight's over...which isn't fun.

What to do? What to do?

[ghostdarTeal'c]

That's *really* hard to do, however, when missiles and beam energy weapons can disintegrate a target with just one shot. If both sides miss too often, then they don't look like the great ace pilots they're supposed to be (what kind of an ace keeps missing?). On the other hand, if they hit each other too quickly, the fight's over...which isn't fun.

What to do? What to do?

you know, a good pilot should also have a very good evasive manoeuvre skills....i mean, so yeah, if both parties are good at aiming but at the same time good at evading then there you have it, a real gripping fight, dont you think? you could just make all the other things around them (asteroids, meteors, nearby moons) to crash and burn, all but our fighters.

perhaps watching star wars over and over again could get you into that fight writing mode?

[Ken Cheng]

you know, a good pilot should also have a very good evasive manoeuvre skills....i mean, so yeah, if both parties are good at aiming but at the same time good at evading then there you have it, a real gripping fight, dont you think? you could just make all the other things around them (asteroids, meteors, nearby moons) to crash and burn, all but our fighters.

perhaps watching star wars over and over again could get you into that fight writing mode?

Heh. Or rewatch my GUNDAM DVDs...

But I don't want to just copy what's already been done in previous GUNDAM series and movies, which is why I'm not going the easy route and just describing something I've already seen them do in earlier GUNDAM stories. That would be kind of lame (plus, it'd be plagiarism).

You know, ghost, even though you've declined actually writing with me (although I hope you'll reconsider), maybe you can still help me plan this out. Let me tell you a bit of what I'm trying to achieve and the things to keep into consideration.


1. Because of Minovsky particles (long story), radar and other long range detection devices are not very useful in the GUNDAM world. That's why mobile suits are necessary. The kind of laser- and radar-guided long range warfare used during the 21st Century is obsolete because of Minovsky particles. The weapons are high-tech, but ironically, more close-range than they've been since pre-modern times (paradoxically).

2. The Blackbirds' goal is to get the two shuttles through hit and run tactics. Although they are very good at fighting straight up, they want to avoid it. Their goal is to shoot the two shuttles down and get out before the defending mobile suits can even react.

3. Jolie and Athena are Newtypes (humans with advanced psychic powers due to evolution and adaptation to living in space). Jolie is a Level 10 Newtype (highest kind possible) while Athena is a Level 8. The Blackbirds are probably Level 7s. Everyone else there are Levels 2 or 3 (and Level 0 would be an "Oldtype" human with no special psychic abilities). Therefore, they can sense things before they happen (kind of like the Force), to a certain extent. Perhaps that's how they detect the Blackbirds before they strike at the two shuttles.

4. On the other hand, I don't want the Federal Forces to be too reliant on the two Newtypes to detect the enemy. That makes people like Anna Horowitz (the recon officer in the Centurion Team) seem useless, which isn't what I want to do either.

5. Relative skill levels of the pilots involved (1-10 scale, 10 being best):


a regular (non-Special Forces) MS pilot: 1

a Special Forces pilot: 3

Blackbird Three: 6

Blackbird Two: 6

Blackbird Leader: 8+

Athena: 7+

Jolie: 10

6. Special Conditions:

The Gellonds have the Phased Tracking Beam Weaponry, enabling them to track and hit five targets in succession. The Federation Forces have nothing like this.

Both sides have 600 seconds to resolve the battle before Earth's gravity begins pulling them in. At that point, they either must retreat into higher space or deploy Vollute systems for re-entry to Earth. In either case, they'll be vulnerable to disintegrating upon re-entry and unable to fight after 600 seconds.

I was thinking about adding a debris field nearby so that the Centurion Team can use that for cover, but that doesn't work because WHY would the the Federation choose for the two shuttles to make their landing through a debris field? That doesn't make sense.

Problems like these are delaying the updating of the chapter.

Any suggestions, ghost?

[ghostdarTeal'c]

id be happy to help you, but this needs thorough analysis.....i havent packed my things and my flight is in four hours.....tell you what, i'll get back to you after im back in my campus. that sound all right? in the meantime, you could work on your own fight scene that you have in mind and if youve produced any, we can discuss later on.... that cool?

[Ken Cheng]

id be happy to help you, but this needs thorough analysis.....i havent packed my things and my flight is in four hours.....tell you what, i'll get back to you after im back in my campus. that sound all right? in the meantime, you could work on your own fight scene that you have in mind and if youve produced any, we can discuss later on.... that cool?

Good enough.

That was a short vacation. New semester already?

[ghostdarTeal'c]

That was a short vacation. New semester already?

that final exam that i had was actually for my final semester in the 5y that i studied here, the longest semester leave that i got (the kind of leave that you can actually leave everything behind and go back home to see your parents) is 2 weeks, and that was back when i was a freshman.... all the other leave are at most ten days only.....im doing two things at the same time, when there's semester break (one month) and the semester leave (the three month leave before you get to a new semester) i'll only have one week of leave (and thats IF im lucky)....while the rest of the weeks i'd be on training and courses

cant wait to start working, then i can plan my leave and vacations and maybe get together with my dad to climb mountains or go hiking....man, i miss those days so much!

so now im going back to campus to undergo those training stuff...the kind of things that got nothing to do with the academic stuff...