PJ's first creative writing attempt

[PJ]

Hi friends,

I decided to write a story. It's my first attempt, so let's see how it goes.
The time period of the story will be present-day.
It's mean to be a large-scale story with intertwining subplots.
Please enjoy this story.

::Prologue -- A Goodbye::

August 28, ~6:45am.

I woke up to find 29 missed calls from him. 29 MISSED CALLS!

He said a lot to me that morning.

But it was too soon.

"Why did you do it?"

He asked me calmly.

His words were emotionless.

I don't remember the answer I gave him. It was probably too long anyway.

It's been 4 months and 17 days.

2 weeks before that, something happened.

Something terrible.

That night, I heard him cry for the first time. I'll never forget the words he left me with.

There was stillness in the air. I held the phone. My ears listened. My mind wandered. My heart raced.

I, too, looked calm.

The TV was on -- a comedy; people were laughing; I heard nothing.

That night I had trouble sleeping. I tried to tell myself everything is fine, but I couldn't brush away the dark reality. It happened so fast, so unexpected, and I didn't know how to react. It continued to haunt me all night.

Right then, I knew I had done something terrible.

...But there's no turning back.
Life is a one way street.

The next day, I talked to Jamal. "He's all I've got, " I thought -- "At least I still have him."

10 minutes later, I had a change of heart.

"This is the guy that I left Thien for?"

I asked myself that question again and again. Internally first, then my lips.

I put away the phone...

...and found my soul drifting away....

I looked so calm, so peaceful; inside I wanted to explode.

Now I really got the sense knocked into me.

My eyes dimmed.

My heart sank.

For the next 3288 hours, I tried to cope, but I've failed.

Thien, I used to think we were meant to be, but now I know, I was wrong.

My name is Jessica, and this is my goodbye to the world.

[yearning]

Write more!! I'm so surprised PJ, I was so sure it was going to be a wuxia story when I clicked on this. But it's super interesting that you're writing in first-person as a girl =P Now I kinda wanna post my stuff up, but I can't...unless anonymously hahahaha...

[PJ]

Write more!! I'm so surprised PJ, I was so sure it was going to be a wuxia story when I clicked on this. But it's super interesting that you're writing in first-person as a girl =P Now I kinda wanna post my stuff up, but I can't...unless anonymously hahahaha...

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I knew you'd like it. Notice any WKW influence yet?

Please read the prologue again, as I kept making changes to it after I posted. Now I've finally made all the modifications From now on I will try to make the changes *before* I publish here, heh.

[LuNaR]

support

ps: i feel wkw influence

[PJ]

When I wrote the prologue, being a film geek and all, I kept visualizing how it would look as a movie, and that helped me adapt the writing style that would convey the imagery. I wasn't trying to make it WKW-esque yet; maybe later, but not much in the prologue. It's more like Edmund Pang meets Tsui Hark's Blade.

That said, the prologue does contain somewhat of a reference to Chungking Express.

OK, more to come later!

[pannonian]

Is this your first attempt? IIRC you and CC have collaborated before, haven't you?

[PJ]

Is this your first attempt?

First stab at writing an original story.

[Tom]

Let my get the story straight...Jessica left Thien for Jamal but she regrets it?

[PJ]

Let my get the story straight...Jessica left Thien for Jamal but she regrets it?

Don't jump to conclusions yet
I hope to write 30 - 50 chapters total.
More will be revealed in the coming days.

[yearning]

Wow an epic PJ lol. The most I've ever done is 25 chapters. But I like the prologue, really nice descriptions. I agree that it may have WKW influence, but we will see more in the future

[Ren Wo Xing]

I'm jealous, PJ! So many comments already, for so little writing!

[baldy]

I'm jealous, PJ! So many comments already, for so little writing!

Off topic .. Don't be jealous .. we love your fanfics so much we don't want to litter the thread with accolades YET .. Keep up the good work

[PJ]

The most I've ever done is 25 chapters.

Really, that's a lot of dedication! Are they published anywhere, or should we not ask?

[Tom]

PJ, update! It's been 6 days already so you can add more. Looking forward to reading Jessica's story.

[PJ]

:: Chapter 1 - "Dance" ::

What typifies the city of Tanner Springs on a Tuesday afternoon?

The rush hour traffic, no doubt. People long to get home after a stressful day of work.

By night, downtown is empty and quiet again. Not much to do on a Tuesday night in Tanner Springs.

But the dancing doesn't stop.

At Tanner Springs Salsa Studio, the dance lesson had just begun. People come here to learn the hottest dance moves 3 times a week.

The studio is on the second floor of an old brick building. The receptionist sat in the open space separated from the enclosed dance room. The loud music from the dance room is well-contained, so as to not disturb the outside.

10 minutes into the lesson, the receptionist heard footsteps running up the stairs. The door opened. A young Asian man with backpack looked at him, trying to catch his breath. He had evidently been running, with a backpack.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist Alan asked. In his mind he had a picture of a college student who just got out of class.

"Umm, this is my first time... Do you have salsa lessons?" The Asian student asked while gasping for breath.

"Lessons are $15 individually, or $50 per month."

The Asian student pulled a credit card out of his wallet and handed it to Alan: "I'll go with a monthly... umm... fee."

Alan looked at the black and red credit card. It belonged to Rusty Chen.

"There you go."

"Thank you."

As Rusty the student walked into the studio, he heard the dance instructor give lessons. There were about 15 people in the room. His eyes did a quick survey of the people. There were White and Black people, but no Latino or Asian. A sense of apprehension flashed inside his head. He wondered whether the receptionist had thought it odd that an Asian person should grace the dance studio tonight. He quickly looked into the eyes of 3 dancers. They did not respond. His heart pounded even more.

Rusty fumbled around the room until he found what looked like an empty spot. He looked at the people around him, hoping to follow their steps. He heard the instructor say something about "turning your right foot to do a 2'o clock right turn." As if he knew what that is.

He was also very much aware that he was sweating like a pig, and probably smelling like one.

As he looked around, Rusty used the opportunity to study his peers some more. He saw faces of White and Black men and women in their 20s and 30s. Most of them had a nice body. A few moved so gracefully, they were a feast to his eyes. He never knew that simple movements could be executed with such mind-blowing flare.

But he didn't see her.

Every new face he looked at, his hope dropped a notch.

His mind raced. He tried to keep up with everyone. The instructor would teach a step, practice it in slow motion a few times, and try it with music normal tempo. This, Rusty found, he could keep up pretty well. He started feeling good.

Then, the instructor told everyone to get a partner.

A sense of dread swarmed Rusty from head to toe. His body tightened and he did not dare look around. All his life, he had been haunted by this dreadful task. Whenever he was required to get a partner, he would scan all directions, but it would never be fruitful, and he would always end up without a partner. Inevitably the teacher would announce his need of a partner to the entire class, and he hated suffering such a humiliation.

His entire mind was frozen as his body escaped him.

To his surprise, he was approached by the smell of fresh fragrance. Before he could further decipher it, an absolutely beautiful female Black body was standing in front of him.

"Hi, My name is Keianna." She extended her hands.

By now, Rusty was still half-frozen, but it was not his body any more. He was frozen in time. Tens of thoughts emerged in his mind. "What's happening?" "Who is this girl?" "What did she want?" "What do I do?" "Do I smell OK?" These thoughts held him hostage for half a second, but he quickly snapped back into reality. He knew that her hand extension was a signal for his hands. He gave her his hand. When their palms met, Rusty felt a tender electrical buzz circulating his upper body. This, he has never felt before.

"I'm Rusty." He said at some point. He couldn't look her straight in the eye. In his mind, he knew that she was "beyond his kind."

Besides, he was still trying to fathom the fact that a classy girl such as she would approach him!

The instructor gave the order: Ready, set, go.

And off they danced.

That lesson went by quickly. The beginner's lesson is only one hour long, and Rusty was late to start with. In the end, Rusty danced with a total of 3 ladies. The 2 ladies after Keianna could not compete with her class or friendliness. They were rather cold with their mannerism towards the "new guy."

He managed to struggle through the first day of class. When he introduced himself to the instructor, the instructor didn't seem to give much of a toss either. Plus, he hadn't met the person that he came for. There was a little disappointment inside his feelings.

But when he thought about Keianna, he felt better.

He hopped on the bus to go back to his dorm. He had to wait 20 minutes for the bus, but that was better than having completely missed the bus on the way to here. His class ended a minute late, and the bus took off just as he walked out the building. That's why he had to run to the studio.

He wondered if his sweat put her off. He wished that he would have made himself more presentable.

Once in his room, he laid his backpack on the floor. He breathed deeply into his lung, and sent a good long sigh. It has been a stressful day.

He couldn't get Keianna out of his mind.

He reminisced on the feeling of electricity surging through his body when he touched her palm. He cleared his mind to immerse himself deeply in this thought -- this very thought which brought him comfort and hope.

When he first saw the faces of the dancing students and their gym-toned bodies, when they didn't bother give him a glance, he expected total discomfort for the next hour. But it was the discomfort of being around the highbrow upper class that he expected. Instead, he experienced the discomfort of being approached by a humble upper class. This kind of good discomfort, he never expected.

He must have apologized a dozen times when he danced with her. His first dance, which just happened to be with a beautiful girl, was plagued by wrong steps and awkward movements. He would sneak in a quick glimpse of her face when he apologized, and he could see that she was a little frustrated with his lack of experience, but she was cool and encouraging about it. He felt embarrassed to have wasted her time, and that's when he told her it was his first time.

That sparked something in her eyes, and somewhat of a conversation.

She asked him about his background. He replied in great difficulty. Rusty was born with a soft voice. Whenever he needed to speak up, it would require extra effort. When he was moving his body all over the place, it was even more difficult for him to speak aloud. "She probably understood half of what I said," he thought.

Rusty looked at the watch. "It's already 11!" Time for his shower. He has an early class tomorrow.

As he stepped into the shared dormitory shower, he remembered another girl.

Her name is Marie. She is the reason that he had the guts to show up at the dance studio today.

Rusty closed the curtain.

Marie...

Who is she?

The curtain unfolded as 2 shadows came into the spotlight.

[Tom]

Man, this is great stuff. It flows so smooth and nicely. I read it in one sitting and that's quite a feat for me since I'm easily distracted. I just want to ask: how does Rusty look like?

[PJ]

With the abolishment of the 5-day update constraint, I am posting a new chapter as it has just been finished.

:: Chapter 2 - "Memories" ::

In the medium-sized city of Tanner Springs, 3 high schools stand in 3 different corners.

Montana High School sits in the middle of the rich far north neighborhoods. It is by far the school of choice for anyone desiring to undergo high quality education in this town.

In addition to regular classes, students active participate in extracurricular activities. The school is often occupied by student organizations after the school day has officially ended. The doors are only locked in the evening.

But tonight, the school is being occupied at later than usual.

At midnight, the auditorium seems to be well lit.

That's because 2 guests are in dire need of practicing their stage performance.

The curtain unfolded to reveal their shadows. They walked forward into the spotlight accompanied by abundant background music.

30 minutes later, a cell phone rang.

"Abby! This is your sister. Where the hell have you been?"

The phone was not near Abby's ear, but turned to face the boy next to him. He laughed and shook his head as he heard Abby's sister yell on the phone. Before, Abby had her eyes rolling.

"Hello deary." Abby replied to her sister: "As fate would have it, I have been stuck here with stupid Vietnamese boy for half a day." She gave him a goofy sneer when she said this.

8 minutes later, a car came to pick them up.

"Here," Abby dropped a bag in the boy's hands. His body sank a little bit upon receiving it.

"What, you don't want it?" The boy complained in a displeased tone.

"Does it look like I want it?" Abby said as she opened the car door.

The boy complained in anger: "Why didn't you tell me when you called Marie? I would not have decided to walk with this heavy shit."

"Can I offer you a ride home, Thien?" This came from Abby's sister Marie inside the car.

"That'd be nice." Even so, the boy continued to stare at Abby with resentment.

He didn't talk to her in the car.

"Sleep well," said Marie as she dropped him off at his house.

Thien waited until they left to go inside. He had to quickly shake his head a few times to freshen up.

It's near midnight, and he has a show to put on right at 8, which means he has to be at rehearsal by 7.

He washed up, hopped into bed, and turned on the TV to see what's on.

Nothing good on this late.

He turned off the light, and slipped inside the warm blanket.

He closed his eyes for the night.

But that didn't last long.

He had caught a glimpse of something right as he was shutting his eyes.

On the other pillow next to him, a white stuffed penguin.

He drew his arm out to caress the face of the penguin. It was a gesture full of love and tenderness.

"I miss you, Jess." A gentle whisper could be heard.





Early next morning, the auditorium attracted a full volume of spectators. Such is the case whenever the award-winning duo from Montana High gives a performance. They had traveled to--and more importantly, won at--state and national conferences. To many former and present parents and students alike, Abby and Thien are local heroes.

But Thien didn't feel very local.

To him, he would rather be back in Minnesota. He lived there his entire life. His best friend Jessica, whom he misses terribly, is there too. They grew up together as neighbors. They had been inseparable ever since grade school. When his parents decided to move to Tanner Springs, he suffered overwhelming home sickness. Especially Jessica -- he misses her so much.

She always smiled whenever she saw him. If they didn't see each other for more than a day, she would greet him with a big "best friend" hug.

And her laugh, was the best medicine. It never failed to brighten up his bad mood.

It's been 3 years since he moved to the Springs. Thien has a few new close friends under his belt, but hardly a day passed in those 3 years when he didn't think about her.

Sometimes, he even wondered if he loved her more than as a friend.

Every time he saw her after the move, he felt so happy. He didn't have to do anything special with her to feel that way. Once, they spent an entire day sitting at a coffee shop, chatting, pouring their hearts out to each other. As long as they were together, he felt complete.

He knew one thing for sure: when they graduate from high school, they are both going to UC Berkeley. He would study Architecture, and she, Hotel Management.

That way, they can be together again, reunited in college, just like they'd been their entire lives, before the relocation interruption.

And now, as Thien delivered the final verse of the opera with his charming voice in front of an audience of hundreds of so-called "locals", the line brought back flashes of memory from the first time he and Jessica parted.

On a Friday night, after they watched "Casablanca" together for the last time, he made the announcement to her.

He broke the news.

It broke her heart.

She took it slowly at first.

And then, the tears.

He lent her his shoulders.

He broke the silence with some words of encouragement.

"Well, they have a spring over there... and, my parents say I'll be able to register with the regional Broadway Talent office... I guess.... it's not gonna be too bad there."

Jessica gathered her breath between the sobbing: "You're... jus... saying that... t.... make me feel.... better."

Thien put down his glasses and rubbed his eyes: "I'm saying that because it's true."

And then, she asked the inevitable question.

"What about us?"

And to that, he thought for a second.

"We'll always have our childhood memories."

"Here's looking at you, kid."

[PJ]

Hi Tommy,

just want to ask: how does Rusty look like?

Originally, he is decent looking.

Right now, due to his aspirations, he looks like a Chinese college student who has been staring at textbooks for too many hours.

[PJ]

:: Chapter 3 - "Contemplation" ::

How do you know you've been struck by love? Because it's in your face. - anonymous

Rusty felt it.

It was in his face,

on his mind,

taking over his thoughts.

Keianna...

He tried to sleep.

He got half an hour.

After he woke up, he couldn't get back into sleep no matter what.

So he stayed up to watch a movie

-- his default pastime activity.

And thought about her.



Now, Rusty was beginning to feel the lack of sleep.

But it's time for class.

Communication 124.

Rusty got on his feet,

and opened the door.

The freezing chill cut through his face.

He switched his cell phone to vibrate,

and walked into the morning sunray.



50 minutes of class;

50 minutes of daydreaming.

There's a first time for everything.

For straight-A student Rusty Chen, academia was his top priority.

Good thing it was only an elective.

Rusty took a deep breath.

8:30 now.

Next class starts in 2 hours.

"Gonna kill some time now..."

"Still need to do that QCD take-home quiz."

Rusty proceeded to his department's student area, in another building.

He could hear the February wind howling like a hurricane:

sometimes quiet, then suddenly roaring with ferocity.

In his mind he questioned his Honors Design project.

"It's supposed to be a team effort, but I'm not sure how engaged they are..."'

He started problem-solving in his mind.

Always organized and analytical.

But this time, his mind was only partially focused.

In the back of his mind, something lingered.

And he couldn't get rid of it.

He chuckled, a little helplessly.

The images of Keianna asking for his hand rushed back.

"...Should I go back tonight?"

"It's intermediate level today. If I go, I won't be able to dance. It would be weird if I just stand and watch... plus, she might not go to the intermediate level..."

Rusty debated in his head as he walked.

At some point, an oncoming voice interrupted his deep analysis.

"I already told you, I want to live off campus."

Rusty looked up, and saw the young man who shouted on the phone.

"It IS a big deal, for God's sake. I wanna live with Steve and Austin."

Rusty frowned silently. He was never a big fan of people who used extravagant hand gestures while talking on the phone. Not to mention, the arrogant tone of the young man gave him an unpleasant feeling.

The young man walked passed him, still shouting, albeit toned down after he saw Rusty studying him.

"Why can't I do anything I want? Why do you have to control my life? Oh please, I'm old enough to make some of my decisions... Yeah yeah, use that excuse..."

Rusty walked on, shaking his head. "Such a baby."

He thought the person looked vaguely familiar, but nothing came to mind.



Tanner Springs Salsa Studio; night time.

As Rusty walked in tonight, his heart began pounding.

"Who would I see?" He wondered.

"What would I do if I see them?"

The receptionist Alan recognized him. Alan recorded his attendance into the computer system. Rusty's monthly fee enabled him to come to any class within the one month period.

Rusty explained: "I just came to observe the intermediate level." Alan welcomed him to look around.

Rusty briefly looked into the square glass window. But although he looked, he didn't see. He was far too shy and nervous to obtain a full picture with just a quick glimpse.

Walking into the dance room, Rusty smiled at the instructor. He sat down, and began studying the composition of today's body of student.

He was so nervous.

He had counted every person.

No Keianna.

No Marie.

The class was now 10 minutes in session. Students arriving late continued to show up.

Still, no sign of the targets.

Rusty stayed for another 10 minutes,

starring at the dance moves he neither knew nor cared.

Every time someone came in, he looked up with a glance of hope.

Rusty felt like a fool.

When he finally got up to leave, he thought to himself:

"I'm never coming back again."



Outside, the street was empty.

The light turned green, but there was no traffic.

The wind continued to howl.

There was only the passing wind and Rusty walking, head down.

He realized how exhausted he was.

He hadn't taken a rest all day.

Time to go home and make up for his lack of sleep.

"Thank God I live alone..."

[PJ]

:: Chapter 4 - "Twilight" ::


The night was dark; the wind was freezing.

Rusty dragged his body across the street in the freezing cold.

He didn't feel like taking the bus tonight. He had too much on his mind. In his conscience he felt defeated, embarrassed.

Defeated by his hope.

Embarrassed by his disappointment.

Or was it insecurity?

The sound of stillness was interrupted by distant laughters. Rusty looked up. It was like a wake up call. He suddenly realized that he had wandered into the rundown section of the city. Rusty knew that this territory was off limits, and he has never ventured into it before.

...Until now.

This realization made his heart pound a little harder, and a little faster. He could see through the crummy street a group of people sitting around the entry steps of an old house. Rusty knew that it was in his best interest to turn around and leave this area, and yet, perhaps due to his letdown tonight, there was a part of him that wanted to stand up to it, to show that he wasn't a coward. Straightening his back, Rusty walked on.

Every step he took brought him closer to the laughters and commotion.

About 20 feet away from the group, Rusty quickly glanced at them. They were playing some kind of card game in front of the house. They occupied the spaces on the sidewalk.... Each one of these men was filled with energy and whenever they would speak or move, they moved with their entire body, and Rusty could feel the movement from far away. There was something about this kind of gesture that drew Rusty in... before he knew it, his eyes met felt a pair of watchful eyes closing in on him. This pair of commanding eyes immediately triumphed over his own, and he could not help but feel a burning redness overtaking his cheeks as his vision was helplessly swept to the side. Rusty continued to walk, but he dared not meet eyes with those men again. And yet, he could feel the watchful eyes studying him.

Now Rusty was only 5 steps away from them...

4...

3...

2...

1...

"Hey man!"

And Rusty tumbled.

He had hoped that he would be bothered, and he had almost walked past them, but alas he could not escape the nosiness of the ghetto people. They always mind other people's business! His body automatically paused when he heard the call, but he did not turn around -- he was too insecure to do so.

"Hey, can we talk to you man?"

Rusty knew what was coming, but there's no turning back. He turned around and met the Black men's eyes. It was too overpowering. He felt great discomfort. He gave them a greeting by tilting his head: "what's up guys?"

One of the men stood up. It was a firm and deliberate move with graceful speed, as if nothing in the world could stop it. The young man was in his mid 20s, wearing a white tank top that contrasts his full black skin. He had on a silver necklace and a large chain on his baggy shorts. This man was definitely dressed for the summer.

Rusty couldn't help but ask: "Aren't you cold?"
He really could not fathom how anyone could be wearing one layer of ribbed-neck and -sleeve underwear outside in this freezing temperature.

The man glanced as his fellow brothers. A few chuckles could be heard. He turned to Rusty and replied: "It's not cold. U cold?"

Rusty was baffled. The temperature was at most 30 degrees fahrenheit, and this guy who's wearing a thin tank top says it's not cold? Was he out of his mind? He mumbled: "I guess it's kind of cold... but not too bad..."

Somebody from the background shouted: "Hey yo, wassup with the glove?"

Rusty: "Huh?"

"How come you only got one glove on?"

"Oh..." Rusty realized the context of the question: "Well I lost the other one..."

"How'd you lose it?"

Rusty shrugged with his palms open in front of him. He was about to reply when the man in the white tank top took one step closer. He lowered his voice in a serious tone: "Alright, ma man, we wanted to talk to you because he want you to smoke pot with us...."

Laughters broke out among the crowd. A few of them laughed so hard, their body bent down. Rusty's body intensified as he now felt the peak of insult and embarrassment at once. Insulted by their immaturity and disrespect, and embarrassed to be there. He knew something like this was coming, but inside, he had wanted it to be different than the other times. But alas, it was just like the other times...

"So wut you say, ma friend? Wanna join us?"

Rusty has never been good with words. Now that he is nervous and intense, he could only stutter: "Actually, I'm sorry... I umm... I can't... I have to go home.. it's late."

And then, he slowly turned around, unsure what the consequence would be.

Luckily, they did not bother him further. More laughters and getting a kick out of it was all they did.

He felt embarrassed by the encounter, but he was much too frightened to think. He ran out of the area as fast as his legs would carry him.

While running for his life, he tremored in a feeling of danger. Tonight, he has experienced an ugly encounter of the night.

He couldn't help but wonder what else goes on at twilight time.

What other sinister cases...

Under the dim glow of the stars,

2 figures hid at the tip of the woods.

They were shielded from the outside.

They did not want to be seen.

They had something to hide.

And if you look closely,

You would find,

A teenage boy and an old man...

Embracing each other.