Just for laughs (Share ya daily funnies)

[remember_Cedric]

Hey Burner! Cute hamsie refused to come back. It is reluctant to leave its cage.

Keep those jokes coming, pal!

Time for laughs

Brunette Meets Genie

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.

The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

Blonde Half-Wit

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

Ans: Gifted

People Really Said These Things In Court

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

[Han Solo]

Lol.

Everyone loves a dumb lawyer jokes- guess we are afraid of the mean lawyers.

Han Solo

[remember_Cedric]

Lol.

Everyone loves a dumb lawyer jokes- guess we are afraid of the mean lawyers.

Han Solo

The 3 main categories of lawyers are: the good, the bad and the dumb

[TiffTiff]

I have this pix to share w/ everyone. This is a vietnamese man taking his wife going to work, she has no where to sit, so she has to sit like this.

[Han Solo]

Han Solo

[jiang bao]

I have this pix to share w/ everyone. This is a vietnamese man taking his wife going to work, she has no where to sit, so she has to sit like this.

And it looks like his little brother is happy she's riding that way too. The emphasis is on "little."

[Han Solo]

Lol. I had already edited my post of previous such sentiment.

Han Solo

[jiang bao]

She seems fairly attractive... can't really tell much but she seems to look good enough for him to be happy. It kinda looks to me too like she may be pregnant. Hard to tell at the low resolution. The belly looks too big compared to her leg.

[shen diao xia]

And That's When the Fight Started

I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. "Honey? What's wrong" I asked."Oh, George! Just look at me: I'm getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I'm just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!"I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: "Your vision's real good, honey. That's something, isn't it?"And that's when the fight started....


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to a gas station. And that's when the fight started....



My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed, "She was my senior year girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And that's when the fight started....


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....



My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started....

[shen diao xia]

Investment Strategy:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.
With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.
But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago,
drunk it all, then turned in the cans for recycling,
you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to
drink heavily and save your cans.

This is called the 401-Keg Plan.

[shen diao xia]

I'm the Boss

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.

The next day, he brought a small sign that Read: "I'm the Boss!" He then taped it to

his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone

had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called, she wants her sign back !"

[shen diao xia]

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same m onastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesme rizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are an d the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for.

There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk.

We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...

...silver, topaz, and amethyst.


Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door.

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound.

It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.





















. . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.



DON'T SWEAR AT ME; I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO SENT THIS TO ME!

[LuNaR]

I have this pix to share w/ everyone. This is a vietnamese man taking his wife going to work, she has no where to sit, so she has to sit like this.

ok u made my day

[fridaythe13th]

Ok, sorry for any offence that the following may cause:

Blonde Jokes

1) A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

2) Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.

First Blonde: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

3) A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

4) A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

[jiang bao]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...term=skid+mark

Too profane to copy and paste here but it is hilarious. While I was being worked to death at work today, I came across this and gave me a nice brief moment of sanity.

[Ken Cheng]

This poor kid is going to be traumatized for life...

[atlantean0208]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...term=skid+mark

Too profane to copy and paste here but it is hilarious. While I was being worked to death at work today, I came across this and gave me a nice brief moment of sanity.

LOL - , even mentioning the link is not allowed, that is so twisted and gross, I will ask the mod to ban you - mwahahaha - joking - lol - too funny and super gross, again I say it

[atlantean0208]

ok u made my day

LOL, two in one - mwahaha -
I know lunar, you're such a twisted guy and always find pic like this your source of amusement, even my BJJ pic also give you a twisted thought

[remember_Cedric]

This poor kid is going to be traumatized for life...

Awww....such a cute kid. Poor boy..... Ken, is that you?

[atlantean0208]

LOL, I think I saw a pic somewhere else where a person use a similar costume for marathon