Just for laughs (Share ya daily funnies)

[flyingfox2002]

You are rip roaringly gay if....

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer,come here! I said get your a** over here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4.If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetner tastes like. If you've had Nutrasweet in your mouth, you've had El Dicko there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your a**. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreusse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it......you're hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-a** driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the b*t*h in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

Isn't it gay to make a list like this? I mean if the guy that wrote this wasn't gay, he should be out banging chicks or at least jacking off. Instead he is all deep and sith .

[shen diao xia]

Isn't it gay to make a list like this? I mean if the guy that wrote this wasn't gay, he should be out banging chicks or at least jacking off. Instead he is all deep and sith .

The guy who wrote this might be. The guy who posted this definitely isn't!!! Being able to notice such "small little things" as you have, also shows symptoms of gayness.

[shen diao xia]

A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off
down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing
through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even
higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a
Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him
with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flewdown the road at over 210 km/hr to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind
of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the
Police car to catch up with him. The Policeman pulled in behind the
Porsche and walked up on the driver's side.

"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. "If
you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why
you were speeding, I'll let you go." The man looked back at the
Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I
thought you were bringing her back."The Policeman said, "Have a nice day."

[flyingfox2002]

The guy who wrote this might be. The guy who posted this definitely isn't!!! Being able to notice such "small little things" as you have, also shows symptoms of gayness.

Well, I was referring to the original dude who wrote that "joke." Wasn't implying that you were gay at all.

And according to that list, I just might be a flaming homo who wears pink thongs and sing along to Liza Minelli and enjoy horrible shows such as Sex and the City and Will & Grace.

I have a tight stomach cuz I am not fat and I work out.

I never do a number 2 in public bathrooms unless I happen to have diarrhea cuz well, other dude's a$$es have been sitting on that. I never piss in public parking lots.

So yep, I must be queer. Or should I say: "I muth be queer, ooh ooh ooh."

[Ji Gong]

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry.

When it came back there were still stains in her panties.

The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman
that says, "Use more soap on panties."

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note
to the laundry. "Use more soap on panties."

Finally fed up, the Chinese man responded with his own note that

said," Use more paper on a.ss."

[shen diao xia]

Finally fed up, the Chinese man responded with his own note that

said," Use more paper on a.ss."

Ooops, I actually thought it was the frontal position

[shen diao xia]

Well, I was referring to the original dude who wrote that "joke." Wasn't implying that you were gay at all..........

So yep, I must be queer. Or should I say: "I muth be queer, ooh ooh ooh."

All of us have hints of gayness anyway. The secret is to have the "macho" parts subdue the undesirable traits.

[Ji Gong]

All of us have hints of gayness anyway. The secret is to have the "macho" parts subdue the undesirable traits.

True. All of us do have hints of gayness.

There are two reasons that could explain this. The first is psychological reason. The second is a religious one if you believe in reincarnation. If your past life was a woman, and you are reborn as a man in this life, subconsiously, you will still have some slight feminine traits carry over from previous life that make you lub and feel attracted to men.

[flyingfox2002]

In my book, if you dont wanna stick your pickle in another man's jar, or if you don't wanna be with another dude in sexual situations, you are not gay.

[Lifeburner]

Okay, here's another one. I remember reading this on a local site, but couldn't remember where it was. The next one involves a joke about US' current president, George W. Bush, so for the Americans (or any supporters of Mr. Bush), I don't mean any offense, this one is just a joke:

Tony was driving his car when he suddenly met a massive traffic jam. When he was busy honking around his horn and wondering what is it all about, a man knocked his window.

Tony: What's it all about?
Man: President Bush has been kidnapped, and the terrorists are threatening to pour gasoline on him and burn him alive if the US government doesn't meet their demand to release their comrades from prison.
Tony: So, what's connecting the kidnapping and this traffic jam?
Man: We're currently collecting donations for the president. If you would donate, sir, we'd gladly take it.

Feeling a little moved, Tony then decided to donate.

Tony: Alright, I'll donate. How much do people usually give you?
Man: Oh, not much. Some donates just 1, some 2, hell I just met someone who's willing to give 10 full gallons of gasoline!

Again, this is just a joke, please don't feel offended.

[remember_Cedric]

Okay, here's another one. I remember reading this on a local site, but couldn't remember where it was. The next one involves a joke about US' current president, George W. Bush, so for the Americans (or any supporters of Mr. Bush), I don't mean any offense, this one is just a joke:

Tony was driving his car when he suddenly met a massive traffic jam. When he was busy honking around his horn and wondering what is it all about, a man knocked his window.

Tony: What's it all about?
Man: President Bush has been kidnapped, and the terrorists are threatening to pour gasoline on him and burn him alive if the US government doesn't meet their demand to release their comrades from prison.
Tony: So, what's connecting the kidnapping and this traffic jam?
Man: We're currently collecting donations for the president. If you would donate, sir, we'd gladly take it.

Feeling a little moved, Tony then decided to donate.

Tony: Alright, I'll donate. How much do people usually give you?
Man: Oh, not much. Some donates just 1, some 2, hell I just met someone who's willing to give 10 full gallons of gasoline!

Again, this is just a joke, please don't feel offended.

I got the inside joke nice one!

I like the The Roasted Chicken and The Three Vampires too ....still The Priest and the Horse joke rules don't ask why (if you're gonna ask) I just love it!

Now, my turn.....

Misheard lyrics: Dragostea Din Tei

Watch the video, read the lyrics LOL!

Warning: This video may contain Paris Hilton.

Enjoy!

[Lifeburner]

Urgh.... I know that you told me not to ask, but since being an annoying little boy is my hobby, then I'll ask anyway: Why the hell do you like it so much?!?!

Stop liking it, please

But anyway, I've got another one, hopefully you'll like this one (more than the priest and the horse). Again, another warning, this one contains jokes about religious leaders, so to anyone, don't be offended.

A Catholic pastor sat next to an Islamic rabbi in a plane. Being religious people, they were at once got into an argument about their beliefs.

"I assure you, good rabbi, that it is only by faith that we are redeemed." Said the pastor.

"But if we don't go by the teaching of prophet Muhammad, the gates of hell are open against us." Replied the rabbi.

While they were having a heated argument, suddenly the plane shook. The pilot, not long afterwards, announced that they're going to crash-land, due to engine failure. Amazingly, they were able to land safely. After the two got down, the rabbi spontaneously touched his forehead, his left chest and right chest. Seeing this, the pastor was glad.

"I see, sir, that you have made a wise choice and turn to the path of Lord." Said the pastor, smiling.

"Huh? What? Me? No I'm not, I was just checking to see whether my money, my pen ,and my eyeglasses are still there. I'm glad they are." Replied the rabbi....

[remember_Cedric]

Urgh.... I know that you told me not to ask, but since being an annoying little boy is my hobby, then I'll ask anyway: Why the hell do you like it so much?!?!

Stop liking it, please

LOL! Well, ok, I will tell you. Simply because, the momentum of the joke......*drums* is so sponetaneous and original..........and I choked on my coffee Gimme alittle more time, ok? I swear I'll get over it. :P

I have a rabbi connection, but I take this as pure humour. Nice one!

[remember_Cedric]

From Germany, with love!

Enjoy!

The best sound system for a car! Do you have it too?Funny German commercial

Dreamcast game set

Funny German Commercial
Berlitz

Ford Sportska - Funny Commercial !!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p_Og...eature=related

[Lifeburner]

Ahem, if I were that sinking person, if I ever made it back alive, I'd personally 'sink' that retard for not helping me

But those were some hilarious videos. HOW did you get them anyway?

Excuse me, I'm now sinking about some new ideas on joke....

Okay, got one. This one's not very funny though. Plus, someone else might have told you this:

A haughty hunter walks into a forest, rifle in hand. Some people say that the forest is a mystical forest, but being a very logical person, he doesn't believe that things like ghost, devil, or god exist. When he came near the center of the forest, suddenly he heard a growl behind him. When he turned to see the source of the growl, a lion suddenly leaped and knocked him off balance. He hit the ground, and his rifle was thrown away.

"Oh noes. I'm dead for sure. Hey, wait a minute, perhaps I can pray! If it works, I'll be saved, but if it doesn't... oh well, I'm doomed anyways."

So he prayed: "Dear Lord, please set me free from this danger...."

When he finished his pray, to his surprise, the lion sat with closed eyes. It seemed that the lion was praying too. Feeling happy, the hunter decided to listen to the lion's prayer. The lion said:

"Dear Lord, thank You for the meal You give us today...."

[remember_Cedric]

Well, the thing about German tongue, both th- and s- sound pretty close. In german language itself, you can find many words with a hissing sound, especially when you read a ß (say, grüßen). That is pronouced with a -ss sound. An average german speaking english can sound pretty close to Sylvester Cat. (yes, the one in Merrie Melodies)

Ok, as for HOW..... 1) Goto youtube 2) Google for funny german commercial (Warning: You may find alot of banned commercial due to the explicit content). Just joking. I know what you mean. Firstly, I received a mass email that links to the powerful Blaupunkt "sound system" commercial, and indirectly I found the funny few others. I avoided the banned commercial so as not to be responsible for corrupting the younglings' mind. Or, I might be banned for arousing anyone.

Hey Burner, your joke is something new to me, and I like it too!

Here's another one: Funny German Beer Commercial

[expression]

Okay! Here is a true story on "cultural difference":

An American grad student and a post-doc went to Austria for an academic conference. After registering at the designated hotel, they went up to their assigned room. There were two beds, one larger than the other. The post-doc, being the senior, claimed the larger bed.

A minute later, a stranger came in, claiming the room to be his.

"Off coursh!" the reception lady said in the phone, "Thish ish a 3-person roomm. You shee, one bed is shmall but the other is beegger..."

[Ken Cheng]

This needs no explanation:

[shen diao xia]

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. Has Mr . In it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?

BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?


MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
AND ..
When women have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.

[shen diao xia]

A little Austrian town named...





Are the residents called Fvckers?

What would you be learning at the Fvcking High School ?

Does the Fvcking Hospital help you with anything else?

If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fvcking friend.