Wuxia and Bollywood stereotypes

[Ian Liew]

Apologies if this has been posted many times before. I dug this up in my old emails and thought it was too good not to share.


Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies
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1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.

2. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

3. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.

4. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.

5. A large group of goondoos can be shooting at the hero, but he will never be hit, unless of course he is attempting to save the heroine.

6. Enemies shooting the hero will always miss but every shot the hero fires from his small revolver will kill an opponent.

7. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of nowhere, 100 people will appear and join them in the dance.

8. The heroine will have time to change outfits several times in one song, however short the song will be.

9. If the hero starts dancing in a field, everyone you bump into will know all the steps, and will be wearing coordinated outfits.

10. It does not matter if the hero is heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fighting - the enemies will wait patiently to attack him one by one by moving around in a threatening manner until he has knocked out his current opponent then the next one will follow up.

11. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth.

12. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are No Problem!, My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please forgive me!

13.They drop down on grounds and roll and roll while singing and came out with different
clothings.

14.They can run around the coconut trees, singing, battling eyelids, and throw glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time without being out of breath.

>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman Movies

>================================================= ===========

1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.

2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manages to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and dying.

3. When an old man is dying after being attacked by villains, while lying down he will ask the hero (kneeling beside him) to take care of his beautiful daughter (who will be crying).

4. When fighting with the enemy, instead of hitting each other, the villain and the hero will choose to hit each other's palm and stand there for sometime before pushing each other away..... and one of them will spit blood out of his mouth

5. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.

6. When saying goodbye to other skilled fighters, they will cover their right fist with their left palm and jump out of camera screen (assuming you know they actually fly off into the
sky).

7. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have golds and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.

8. The inn is such an up-to-date information-centre that when having lunch at the inn, you can always overhear gossips of latest news on what's happening in the pugilistic-world. Andusually the gossips come from a few goons at the next table.

9. Assassins seem to have some kind of agency for employments - they always wear the same standard uniform, black cloth all over revealing only the eyes.

10. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.

11. It's easy to immobilize someone - just touch someone with your fore finger and middle finger anywhere on his body and he will not move... but he still can curse and swear.

12. To cure an immobilization, just anyhow tap your fingers all over his body again.

13. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.

14. People like to pass short messages on paper with flying darts to show off their darting skills.

15. When committing suicide, people are so lazy that they choose to hit the forehead with their own palm.

16. The villains have some kind of strange habit that they like to stay in a secret underground compartment just behind the walls of their room....usually opened up by turning a small statue.

17. When chasing someone, people tend to shout at the runner and order him to stop...as if he will obey.

18. Nobel's invention of explosives in 1866 is in fact useless. Highly skilled people in the pugilistic world during ancient times already know how to cause explosions with bare hands.

19. Highly skilled villains have the power to destroy rocks, but do not have the power to kill the hero.

20. Two highly skilled persons are so nervous in their duel that they keep talking and criticizing each other before they actually start the fight.

21. People in the pugilistic world are so free that they don't have to work. They attend gatherings and meetings everytime and nose around other people's matters.

22. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and waistband and never drop them. Especially a lot of gold and silver ingots...

[dewyloony123]

Excellent--thanks!

[odbayarb2000]

haha.

But once we start watching it we can't help keeping an eye on it

[smurf120]

this is awesome!!!

i think the inn you refer to in #8 is the franchise chain known as "Yu Lou hak jan" which might have large annual expense writeoff for broken furniture and earthenware.

pugilists always order wine in gigantic urns (holding 4-5 gallons?) and only manage to drink 3 or 4 mouthfuls before spilling the rest-- perhaps this is the part of the inn's marketing campaign to make up for the above mentioned expenses.

[resident:alien]

Nice list. . .you need one about hand gestures and non-verbal communication!

[dewyloony123]

Nice list. . .you need one about hand gestures and non-verbal communication!

lol, you mean like the fact that wuxia conversations are conducted between two people with one staring at the other's back?

[convoy]

Got a similar list of 50 wuxia stereotypes from another forum. It is in Chinese though.

1. 悅來客棧是古代最大的連鎖客棧。……

2. 超級巨毒，解藥，暗器都產自西域。

3. 平時朝夕相處的人，只要穿上夜行衣，再蒙個面紗，對方就不認識了。

4. 沒用的小角色用的武功名字有很強的文學性和動物性，就是不大好用。

5. 長著超長白髮+鬍子的絕對是曠世高人，和他要拉好關係。

6. 英雄配一把好兵器，好到從不用去保養修理。

7. 在亂箭中，英雄要是不想死，就決不會死；萬一中了箭，那也是因為一旁有大惡人挾持其親人導致英 雄分心。

8. 一定要象徵性的打幾下，才出絕招，並噴著口水大叫：去死吧！！

9. 使出必殺技要做很花哨的動作，還要做上一兩分鐘，但敵人決不會乘機偷襲，儘管這是個好機會……

10. 高手都無視地心引力，到處亂飛且飛得飛快。不過要是趕遠路，卻會騎馬。

11. 大俠套餐：2斤熟牛肉+上等女兒紅。（悅來客棧長期供應……）

12. 好人從不下毒，壞人從不不下毒；但好人從不下毒卻老被誣陷下毒，壞人從不不下毒卻沒人懷疑他。

13. 大俠想顯示自己的修為，往往會撿起一根樹枝將不知天高地厚的小角色打敗，後來悅來客棧開始供應 樹枝……

14. 在一條筆直的街道被人追殺，儘管有很多事要做，但弄翻兩旁的小攤是最重要的！

15. 好人用暗器是形式所逼，多才多藝，一擊必中；壞人用暗器是卑鄙無恥，旁門左道，扔死了都扔不中 ……

16. 壞人千心萬苦扔中了，還會被好人忍著巨痛放倒，並噴著口水大叫：卑鄙！

17. 會有絕世佳人救起中暗器的英雄，日不久也生情……

18. 當時社會治安不好，人人佩帶危險器械……

19. 菜市場殺豬的絕對是一胖子！！！！！

20. 絕世神兵被麻布一層一層裹緊，絕世神人也被麻布一層一層裹緊……

21. 主角一生坎坷或是一帆風順，一生坎坷的會坎坷到死，一帆風順的從不買彩票……

22. 所有人都很有錢，銅板很少出現，一張一張的銀票比草紙還便宜。
　　
23. （悅來客棧的）店小二知識淵博，有問（+錢）必答！ 　
　
24. 有錢人姓金，錢；窮人叫二狗。好人壞人偽君子一聽名字就知道。
　　
25. 少林寺就1個方丈（老和尚那種8算）和1個徒弟厲害，其他都很菜。

　　
26. 練秘笈要分性別，別如男的，女的，男女混合的，不男不女的……
　　
27. 很喜歡在酒樓（悅來客棧）裏鬧事，先掀桌子，再摔椅子，最後才火拼。 　　

28. 有時候可以一劍劈掉巨石，有時候卻劈不掉一張八仙桌。
　　
29. 英雄都很帥，大反派也很帥，龍套長相鮮明~
　　
30. 經典臺詞：A：在下***，江湖人稱****。 　　B：原來是***，久仰久仰。 　　C:不敢當不敢當…… 　　

31．單挑是， “ 正義 ” 一方支撐不住了，就會喊人幫忙： “ 對付這種魔頭，不用和他講什麼江湖道義，大家一起上！
　　
32．打擂時，一定是翻個跟頭上去的，再用第30條的經典臺詞…… 　
　
33.螳螂拳經久不衰，太極拳只有2個人會…… 　
　
34.少林圖書館經常失竊…… 　　

35.儘管高手可以用鼻子聞到敵人的氣息，但在被偷聽時，只有對方碰翻了什麼東西才能察覺。 　　

36.被察覺的人往往在快被追上時扔閃光彈，並在這一段時間逃的比平時快10倍。

37.都喜歡假死。
　　
38．一個人喝完悶酒一定會下暴雨。
　　
39.一下暴雨就會打並且只打一個雷。 　　

40.團體組合流行：(如)四大門派，四大金鋼等等……………………… 　
　
41.拔劍時，有時會有劍氣，有時會拔不出來…… 　　

42.朝廷的大將軍是坨屎，公公才是高手。 　　

43．總有那麼一本書，劍，玉讓人搶。 　　

44.擁有比網路更快的傳播方式………………嘴！ 　
　
45.沒見過有誰上廁所，要是有的話，那是因為被下了瀉藥…… 　
　
46.妓院都是怡紅院（我懷疑是悅來集團的子公司……）。 　
　
47.髮型高度定型，甩一甩就恢復（用潘婷的？） 　　

48.要麼從小習武，要麼從不習武，否則是成不了大器的。 　　

49.大俠勝利的方式只有2種：一招搞定或100，200，300招搞定……
　　
50.美女到處都是，這是最鬱悶的……

[HuangYushi]

Here's the translation for the Nos. 1 to 7.
Please feel free to carry on, so that more people can enjoy it!

====

1. 悅來客棧是古代最大的連鎖客棧。……

The Yuelai Inn (Yut Loi Haak Jaan) is the oldest inn/hotel chain during ancient times.

2. 超級巨毒，解藥，暗器都產自西域。

Extreme poisons, antidotes and projectiles (hidden weapons) all originate from the Western Regions (Xiyu / Sai Wik).

3. 平時朝夕相處的人，只要穿上夜行衣，再蒙個面紗，對方就不認識了。

People whom others see day and night become unrecognisable the moment they put on dark clothes for night travel and cover their faces.

4. 沒用的小角色用的武功名字有很強的文學性和動物性，就是不大好用。

Useless minor characters use martial arts techniques that are either named after or strongly related to literature and/or animals, but these techniques are just not particularly good for practical use.

5. 長著超長白髮+鬍子的絕對是曠世高人，和他要拉好關係。

People with extremely long white hair and beards are definitely highly eminent individuals, with whom good relations must be established.

6. 英雄配一把好兵器，好到從不用去保養修理。

Heroes are paired with weapons so good that they (the weapons) never need any maintenance or repair.

7. 在亂箭中，英雄要是不想死，就決不會死；萬一中了箭，那也是因為一旁有大惡人挾持其親人導致英 雄分心。

During a chaotic hail of arrows, the hero will definitely not die if he doesn't want to die; if he gets shot by an arrow anyway, it would be because he had become distracted by his loved one(s) being held hostage by the villian.

[CC]

I like this one!


42.朝廷的大將軍是坨屎，公公才是高手。

The Imperial Court's Great General is crap! The real expert is the Eunuch!

[shenlong]

8. 一定要象徵性的打幾下，才出絕招，並噴著口水大叫：去死吧！！

You must first attack each other for a while, and then use your best stance while spitting and shouting: "Go die!"


I would do more, but I'm pathetic at recognizing traditional characters.

I'll do 34 since I'm reading DGSD again =)

34.少林圖書館經常失竊……

The shaolin library is often robbed.

[CC]

菜市場殺豬的絕對是一胖子！！！！！

The pork seller in the market is always a fatty!

[Single Whip]

How about the fact that every wuxia person is a bleeder. He/she can bite their finger once and the blood that came out is enough to write a whole letter or large grave signs.

[smurf120]

when women are dressed up as men no matter that their voices are several octaves higher and they have on rouge, their hat needs to be knocked off sending their loose hair flying before they are recognized as women (regardless of the fact that nearly all males have similar length hair).

[babyblues]

No. 9 to 25 (midpoint) for now.
9. 使出必殺技要做很花哨的動作，還要做上一兩分鐘，但敵人決不會乘機偷襲，儘管這是個好機會……

A:To use the lethal move, you have to do a lot of exaggerated moves for at least one to two minutes but the enemy will never take advantage to attack althought it is a good opportunity.

10. 高手都無視地心引力，到處亂飛且飛得飛快。不過要是趕遠路，卻會騎馬。

A: Martial Arts Experts ignore gravity and can fly everywhere and fly fast too. However, if rushing over long distances, need to ride a horse.

11. 大俠套餐：2斤熟牛肉+上等女兒紅。（悅來客棧長期供應……）

A: Heroes' set meal: 2 jin (one jin = 600 grms) of cooked beef + superior nu er hong (a kind of wine). (Yue Lai Inn's long term provision)

12. 好人從不下毒，壞人從不不下毒；但好人從不下毒卻老被誣陷下毒，壞人從不不下毒卻沒人懷疑他。

A: Good guys never use poison. Bad guys never do not use poison. But good guys will always get framed for using poison when they never do. And bad guys will never get suspected although they never fail to use poison.

13. 大俠想顯示自己的修為，往往會撿起一根樹枝將不知天高地厚的小角色打敗，後來悅來客棧開始供應 樹枝……

A: Heroes who wish to display their level of expertise, will often pick up a tree branch to defeat some naive small fry. Later, Yue Lai Inn started to provide tree branches...

14. 在一條筆直的街道被人追殺，儘管有很多事要做，但弄翻兩旁的小攤是最重要的！

A: When being chased down a straight lane, no matter how many things to do, the most important thing is to over turn the stalls at the two sides of the lane.

15. 好人用暗器是形式所逼，多才多藝，一擊必中；壞人用暗器是卑鄙無恥，旁門左道，扔死了都扔不中 ……

A: Good people's usage of secret weapons is always due to being forced by circumstances, multi-talented and will always be on target. Bad people's usage of secret weapons is always despicable and dishonourable, immoral and regardless of the number thrown, will always miss the target.

16. 壞人千心萬苦扔中了，還會被好人忍著巨痛放倒，並噴著口水大叫：卑鄙！

A: After immense hard work and eventually succeeding in hitting his target, the baddie will still be defeated by the goodie (who is tolerating immense pain) who will spit "Despicable!" at him.

17. 會有絕世佳人救起中暗器的英雄，日不久也生情……

A: There will be an extraodinary bearuty who will rescue the hero who was injured by a secret weapon and they will develop feelings for each other soon.

18. 當時社會治安不好，人人佩帶危險器械……

A: When the society's law enforcement is bad, everyone will carry dangerous weapons.

19. 菜市場殺豬的絕對是一胖子！！！！！

A: The pork butcher is always a fatty.

20. 絕世神兵被麻布一層一層裹緊，絕世神人也被麻布一層一層裹緊……

A: (I don't really understand this) The top army is being tightly wrapped with layers of canvas cloth, the top ____? is also tightly wrapped with layers of canvas cloth.

21. 主角一生坎坷或是一帆風順，一生坎坷的會坎坷到死，一帆風順的從不買彩票……

A: Heroes will either have a life of hardship or a smooth sailing life. The ones with a hard life will have a hard life to death. The one with a smooth sailing life will never buy lottery.

22. 所有人都很有錢，銅板很少出現，一張一張的銀票比草紙還便宜。

A: Everyone is wealthy. The pennies are seldom used. Sheets of money are even cheaper than sheets of paper.
　　
23. （悅來客棧的）店小二知識淵博，有問（+錢）必答！ 　

A: (Yue Lai Inn's) Waiter has a wide knowledge. As long as you ask (+ money), he will definitely answer.
　
24. 有錢人姓金，錢；窮人叫二狗。好人壞人偽君子一聽名字就知道。

A: Rich people's surname is Jin (Gold), Qian (Money); Poor people are called Er Gou (Two Dog). Good people, bad people and hypocrites can be distinguished by their names.
　　
25. 少林寺就1個方丈（老和尚那種8算）和1個徒弟厲害，其他都很菜。

A: Shaolim Temple Head Abbot (those very old kind) and 1 disciple are very powerful. The rest are lousy.

[babyblues]

(Might as well continue)
26. 練秘笈要分性別，別如男的，女的，男女混合的，不男不女的……
A: Secret Manuals must be differentiated by gender. i.e. male, female, male and female, neither male nor female ...
　　
27. 很喜歡在酒樓（悅來客棧）裏鬧事，先掀桌子，再摔椅子，最後才火拼。 　　

A: Those who like creating trouble at inns, will first overturn the table, then smash the chairs. Lastly will fight.

28. 有時候可以一劍劈掉巨石，有時候卻劈不掉一張八仙桌。

A: Sometimes can destroy a huge rock with one slash, but sometimes cannot even slash a table.
　　
29. 英雄都很帥，大反派也很帥，龍套長相鮮明~

A: Heroes are always very handsome, Villains are also very handsome.
　　
30. 經典臺詞：A：在下***，江湖人稱****。 　　B：原來是***，久仰久仰。 　　C:不敢當不敢當…… 　　

A: Classic statements : A: I am ***, wulin people address me as ****. B: So it is ***, long awaited long awaited. C: Dare not claim credit, dare not claim credit.

31．單挑是， “ 正義 ” 一方支撐不住了，就會喊人幫忙： “ 對付這種魔頭，不用和他講什麼江湖道義，大家一起上！

A: An individual challenge is : "Justice" one party cannot sustain the fight anymoe and will then yell for help "to treat this kind demon, we don't need to talk about any wulin ethics, everybody attack!"
　　
32．打擂時，一定是翻個跟頭上去的，再用第30條的經典臺詞…… 　

A: When attending a match, one will definitely do a somersault up onto the stage. And then will use the classic statements in item 30 above.
　
33.螳螂拳經久不衰，太極拳只有2個人會…… 　

A: The praying mantis fist remains despite the long time period. Taiji fist, only 2 persons know
　

35.儘管高手可以用鼻子聞到敵人的氣息，但在被偷聽時，只有對方碰翻了什麼東西才能察覺。 　　

A: Although an expert can use his nose (i think should be ears) to hear enemy's breathing, but when being spied on, will only realise when the spy knocks over or hits something.

36.被察覺的人往往在快被追上時扔閃光彈，並在這一段時間逃的比平時快10倍。

A: A soon to be caught up person will often throw a flash bomb, and within this short time, escape at a speed 10 times faster than normal.

37.都喜歡假死。

A: LIke to fake death.
　　
38．一個人喝完悶酒一定會下暴雨。

A: After a person finishes drowning his sorrows, it will definitely storm.
　　
39.一下暴雨就會打並且只打一個雷。

A: A storm will only have one clap of thunder 　　

40.團體組合流行：(如)四大門派，四大金鋼等等……………………… 　

A: Fashionable groups: e.g. four big sects, four big gold ___ etc
　
41.拔劍時，有時會有劍氣，有時會拔不出來……

A: Sometimes whendrawing a sword, there is a sword aura or somtimes you can't draw it out.　　


43．總有那麼一本書，劍，玉讓人搶。 　　

A: There is always a book, sword, jade that people want to grab

44.擁有比網路更快的傳播方式………………嘴！

A: a faster communication method than internet is by mouth. 　
　
45.沒見過有誰上廁所，要是有的話，那是因為被下了瀉藥…… 　

A: You never see people going to the toilet and if you do, it's because they were given laxatives
　
46.妓院都是怡紅院（我懷疑是悅來集團的子公司……）。 　

A: The brothel is always Yi Hong Yuan. (I suspect it is opened by Yue Lai Group of Companies)
　
47.髮型高度定型，甩一甩就恢復（用潘婷的？）

A: Even the difficultly styled hair will become normal after a simple shake (use pantene?)

48.要麼從小習武，要麼從不習武，否則是成不了大器的。 　　

A: Must either from young learn martial arts or never learn martial arts, otherwise will never be significant.

49.大俠勝利的方式只有2種：一招搞定或100，200，300招搞定……

A: A Hero only has 2 winning methods: 1 move or 100,200, 300 moves
　　
50.美女到處都是，這是最鬱悶的……

A: There are beautiful girls everywhere. This is the most depressing.

[Ian Liew]

The 兵 in #20 refers to weapon, not soldier - it's an abbreviation of "bingqi". It means the great weapon is always wrapped in layers of cloth, and the same with the great powerful martial artists who are also wrapped in layers of cloth (usually flowing robes).

I like #15. I remember watching Reincarnated, and Wudang's Qingchong was having a duel with Undefeated Sect's Dugu Wudi. Dugu, the bad guy, had Miejue Shengong, while Qingchong had Wudang's six extremes - sword, sabre, fist, spear, 2-sectioned staff and projectile, and he swapped between the six modes during the fight (jack of all trades, master of none if you ask me). He forced Dugu to leap away into the air, and reached into his robe. Being the good guy, he yelled out "Siu Sum!" (be careful) and threw the missile, which duly missed. I really didn't see the point in that, but there's good guys for you.

[pannonian]

15. 好人用暗器是形式所逼，多才多藝，一擊必中；壞人用暗器是卑鄙無恥，旁門左道，扔死了都扔不中 ……

A: Good people's usage of secret weapons is always due to being forced by circumstances, multi-talented and will always be on target. Bad people's usage of secret weapons is always despicable and dishonourable, immoral and regardless of the number thrown, will always miss the target.

Reminds me of that episode of Blackadder Goes Forth where Blackadder has to hunt down the German spy.

Captain Darling: So you see, Blackadder, Field Marshall Haig is most anxious to eliminate all these German spies.
General Melchett: Filthy hun weasels, fighting their dirty underhand war!
Captain Darling: And fortunately, one of our spies ...
General Melchett: Splendid fellows, brave heroes risking life and limb for Blighty!