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Thread: 《杀气》 DEATH AURA

  1. #1
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Default 《杀气》 DEATH AURA

    I will be attempting to write yet another wuxia story. I have already planned out much of the story so hopefully I won't stop halfway through. I will try to keep it original as well. I will try not to copy too much of other authors. My writing style will not be as descriptive as Jin Yong's but will not be as simple as Gu Long's. It will center around the story of a boy by the name of Shangguan Xiaoyao. Read the story to find out more!


    CHARACTERS

    Chen Bingyuan - 陈秉园
    Laowen - 老文
    Lei Mengbao - 雷猛豹
    Li Zhixing - 李纸星
    Meng Jun - 孟君
    Shangguan Xiaoyao - 上官逍遥
    Shangguan Zhangzhao - 上官长朝
    Sima Tianshen - 司马天神
    Sima Tingyue - 司马婷月
    Xia Duanfeng - 夏煅峯
    Xiaowu - 小武
    Zhao Youqing - 赵有情

    MARTIAL ART SCHOOLS

    Huashan Sword School - 华山派
    Shenlong Evil Cult - 神龙魔教
    Wuliang Family - 无量世家

    MARTIAL ARTS

    Pingsui Sword Aura - 平碎剑气
    Qianshouwanbianshangtianxiadiwudi Divine Palm - 千手万変上天下地无敌神掌
    Wuliang Quick Sword - 无量快剑
    Xinzhong Sword - 心中之剑

    INDEX

    CHAPTER 1 - AURA
    CHAPTER 2 - MASTERS
    CHAPTER 3 - SWORDS
    .
    .
    .
    Last edited by Tom; 04-04-08 at 03:49 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Nice catchy title.
    Sounds promising!
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

  3. #3
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    Nice catchy title.
    Sounds promising!
    Thank you. Maybe my story and your story can compete for ratings? LOL!

    I'm actually writing Chapter 1 right now. I hope it's not too boring.

  4. #4
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    To be honest, I would really like to continue the RPG starting from the point where I left off with Ren Nilai... but I kind of have my own vision of the story which will be vastly different from other people's. It's just too hard to work with so many people putting in different ideas. I already know what kind of ending it will have in my hands. Maybe I will write it down here as a fan fiction.
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

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    Senior Member kwekmh's Avatar
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    The title was what caught my attention. I am sure it would be interesting.

    I await the first chapter.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    CHAPTER 1 - AURA

    Laughter and harmony...

    Warmth and happiness...

    Then all of a sudden...

    Five people...

    At the front door...

    They disappeared...

    Then reappeared...

    Then all over the place...

    Sparks of swords colliding...

    Blood filled the air...

    Heads flew across the room...

    Terror and fear...

    Disaster...

    Absolutely horrifying...

    Shrilling screams...

    Then silence...

    Screams again...

    Far from silence...

    Louder...

    And louder...

    DEAFENING...

    “Ah!” Shangguan Xiaoyao [上官逍遥] screamed as he awoke from his nightmare. He sat up and panted for air. He used his sleeve to wipe the dozen beads of sweat from his forehead. “What a horrible nightmare”, he thought.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao laid himself back down on his warm and welcoming bed. He was very tired from a whole day of practicing swordplay with his dad. His dad, Shangguan Zhangzhao [上官长朝], was a first-ranked official working for the government. Not only was Shangguan Zhangzhao skilled in literature, he was also a highly skilled martial artist. He learned his skills from Huashan Sword School [华山派] in his early years before devoting himself to working for the government. The more Shangguan Xiaoyao thought about his dad, the more he admired him.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao closed his eyes and started to doze off once again.

    But just before Shangguan Xiaoyao fully fell asleep the door of his room slammed open. Shangguan Xiaoyao opened his heavy eyes to take a look at who it was.

    It was his father's assistant, Chen Bingyuan [陈秉园]. Chen Bingyuan was the longtime friend of Shangguan Xiaoyao's father. They have been trained under the same master at Huashan and has been close friends ever since. Shangguan Zhangzhao even hired Chen Bingyuan as his assistant when he became an official.

    Although Chen Bingyuan was a good friend of his father, Shangguan Xiaoyao was still annoyed. He was dead tired and he had already awoken earlier from his nightmare. He grumbled and said, “What do you want, Uncle Chen?”

    Chen Bingyuan was a very tall and muscular man. He stand at a bit over six feet and blocked most of the moonlight from entering the room. It was because of Chen Bingyuan's outstanding height that Shangguan Xiaoyao recognized the man at first sight. In fact, Shangguan Xiaoyao couldn't even see the face of the huge figure. Chen Bingyuan walked into the room and towards Shangguan Xiaoyao's bed.

    “What do you want?” repeated Shangguan Xiaoyao. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

    “No time to explain. Please come with me, Xiaoyao.” There seemed to be a panicking tone in Chen Bingyuan's voice. Chen Bingyuan was the smart and careful type, rarely was he ever seen panicking. However, tonight was an exception.

    Hearing the tone of which Chen Bingyuan was speaking, Shangguan Xiaoyao felt a bit worried. He couldn't help but ask, “What happened?”

    “I said there's no time to explain!” Chen Bingyuan said commandingly.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao can't help but just obey. The two walked quickly. Chen Bingyuan was almost running. Pretty soon they have already reached the front gate of the large house. Chen Bingyuan went for the exit but stopped.

    Taking a good look at the entrance, Shangguan Xiaoyao noticed a man cloaked in black blocking the entrance. Shangguan Xiaoyao was shocked at what he was seeing. He gave himself a light slap to his face so that he could fully wake up.

    Now Shangguan Xiaoyao can hear sword clashing sounds from the main hall of his house. “What the heck is going on?” he said aloud.

    “You think you could leave?” said the cloaked man, ignoring Shangguan Xiaoyao.

    “Who are you?” demanded Chen Bingyuan.

    “You don't need to know. You're going to be dead pretty soon.”

    “No, I'm not,” laughed Chen Bingyuan. “I don't think you have the skill to kill me yet.”

    “Oh really? I guess we'll just have to give it a try then.” Before the man even finished his sentence, he has already unsheathed his sword.

    Chen Bingyuan reached into his chest pocket and took out a small dagger. He threw the small scabbard aside and lunged himself at the assassin.

    “DING! DING!” The sound created by the collision of the two weapons was overwhelmingly loud. Shangguan Xiaoyao covered his ears with both of his hands. This, however, was not the only think that's bothered the kid. The figure in front of him seemed to evoke a very bothersome aura. “How could I put it in words?” he thought.

    “Ah!” screamed Chen Bingyuan. He got sliced on his chest. The cut ranged from the top left corner of the chest all the way down to the right hip. Blood dripped all over his clothes.

    “What do you think of my sword skills?” said the cloaked man coldly.

    “You're 'Number One Swordsman' Zhao Youqing [赵有情]!” said Chen Bingyuan with certainty in his voice.

    “Ah! Damn, you found out my identity. I tried to cover up my strokes but I couldn't deceive you. You're a smart man. You don't look it but you are. I didn't know you were this intelligent when I first saw you. I don't know...maybe it's your height that's making me underestimate you?” Zhao Youqing chuckled.

    “Thank you for your compliment,” snorted Chen Bingyuan.

    “Do you still think you can beat me, the 'Number One Swordsman'?”

    “Yes. You're no match for me.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao knew that his Uncle Chen was actually just bluffing. Although Shangguan Xiaoyao was just an amateur at swordplay, he could still tell that Zhao Youqing was highly skilled.

    At this instance, five people jumped out from inside the main hall and landed near Shangguan Xiaoyao. Shangguan Xiaoyao quickly shifted his eyes from one person to another. His dad was there. The other four were all cloaked like Zhao Youqing.

    “Brother Shangguan! Are you alright?” said Chen Bingyuan. He took a good look at his friend. He already knew the answer the instant he set his eyes on his friend. Shangguan Zhangzhao had cuts all over his body and blood can even be seen pouring out.

    “Yes,” lied Shangguan Zhangzhao. “But...but they killed Ling'er [玲儿]!” he screamed as tears streamed down from his eyes, wiping at the deep cuts on his face.

    Hearing what his dad said, Shangguan Xiaoyao felt terrified. The “Ling'er” his dad mentioned is his mom! “Are you for real, Dad? They killed Mom?”

    “Yes, son. These monsters killed your mom!”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao's hands tightened and formed fists. “Monsters!” He jumped at one of the cloaked figures.

    Before he could even reach them, he was already immobilized. One of the cloaked people threw a stone at him and that stone sealed one of his pressure point. Shangguan Xiaoyao cannot move or even talk until the pressure point is unsealed.

    “Today is your death day, Shangguan Zhangzhao,” said one of the cloaked figures.

    “Li Zhixing [李纸星]...why? Why? Why! Why are you doing this?” roared Shangguan Zhangzhao violently. His whole body shook when he shouted these words.

    The cloaked man, Li Zhixing, laughed and said, “Shut up! You already know why. You deserve this today. I will kill you. I will kill your son as well.”

    “Don't! My son has nothing to do with this. Leave him alone. Please.”

    “What about my family? Did you think about them when you reported me to his Majesty?” croaked Li Zhixing.

    “You...you evil bastard! You did so many evil things. I did the right thing by telling his Majesty. I don't regret what I did!”

    “Then die!” Li Zhixing lifted his right palm and pointed it at the direction of Shangguan Zhangzhao.

    A gust of energy whooshed from Li Zhixing's palm and engulfed Shangguan Zhangzhao. The latter slid backwards and fell onto his knees. Blood leaked from both corners of his mouth. He gave a look at his son and then at his friend, Chen Bingyuan, before collapsing onto the floor. He was dead.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao just watched as his dad died and he could do nothing to stop it. He tried to cry but he couldn't. Was it fear that was stopping him? Shangguan Xiaoyao had the same type of feeling from before, only this time the aura was emitted from the man called Li Zhixing. “What is this feeling?” he thought again.

    Chen Bingyuan didn't wait a second longer. He took out a small bottle. This bottle contained the deadly poison of Blood-clotting Aroma. Whoever takes a sniff of this deadly poison will have all the blood in their body clotted in just a matter of hours. The only way to cure this poison is with the antidote or by purging it with internal energy. Chen Bingyuan didn't even bother to uncorked the bottle. It would take too long for the Aroma to spread that way. He simply tossed it violent at the ground. The bottle smashed open and a terrible odor filled the air.

    Although the five assassins had pieces of cloths over their faces, the Aroma could still easily be smelled. The smell was simply too strong. All five of them sat down in meditating position in an attempt to purge the poison out.

    Chen Bingyuan hurried over to the frozen Shangguan Xiaoyao and pressed on the lad's pressure point. Blood immediately started circulating and Shangguan Xiaoyao could move again.

    Chen Bingyuan grabbed onto Shangguan Xiaoyao's hand and said loudly, “Don't bother following us because if you don't purge the poison out of your body in four hours, your lives will come to an end. Excessive movement will only cause the poison to spread faster.” And with that, Chen Bingyuan and Shangguan Xiaoyao walked through the front gate and disappeared.
    Last edited by Tom; 03-28-08 at 06:57 PM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member linger's Avatar
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    =O i enjoyed reading your first chapter, it was truly entertaining ;D im interested in where the story is headed n__nb

    the only thing; sometimes you jumped from writing in past tense to present tense, but otherwise, very nice
    ~
    .shu chang.
    Leanna, <3


  8. #8
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hslinger View Post
    =O i enjoyed reading your first chapter, it was truly entertaining ;D im interested in where the story is headed n__nb

    the only thing; sometimes you jumped from writing in past tense to present tense, but otherwise, very nice
    I kind of noticed that too when I proofread. The only problem is that I'm not the best English expert out there. Heck, I'm still learning English right now. I'll try to fix it up.

    As you probably know already, Shangguan Xiaoyao will learn martial arts and take revenge. But will it be as easy as it sounds? Definitely not. He will face MANY obstacles along the way.

  9. #9
    Senior Member linger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bogeyman View Post
    I kind of noticed that too when I proofread. The only problem is that I'm not the best English expert out there. Heck, I'm still learning English right now. I'll try to fix it up.

    As you probably know already, Shangguan Xiaoyao will learn martial arts and take revenge. But will it be as easy as it sounds? Definitely not. He will face MANY obstacles along the way.
    o, i see. no worries.
    are you chinese? if you are, are you also writing the story in chinese? (im hopelessly illiterate there XD)
    ah, im curious. how many chapters/how long is the story going to be?
    ~
    .shu chang.
    Leanna, <3


  10. #10
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hslinger View Post
    o, i see. no worries.
    are you chinese? if you are, are you also writing the story in chinese? (im hopelessly illiterate there XD)
    Yes, I'm Chinese BUT I only know how to speak the language. I'm hopeless to when it comes to reading and writing the Chinese characters. I was borne in the States but I never really excelled in the English department.
    ah, im curious. how many chapters/how long is the story going to be?
    As you can see, my first chapter is pretty short. My later chapters will probably be of similar lengths. I estimate 50+ chapters based on the ideas I have now. However, I'm constantly being influenced by series and readings so I'll be adding elements of those in my story as well (but by no means am I going to be plagiarizing though!).

  11. #11
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    CHAPTER 2 - MASTERS

    The sun rose up high into the sky as night became day. The radiant sunlight beamed on the faces of Chen Bingyuan and Shangguan Xiaoyao as they ran at a tremendous speed. They have been heading southward since last night, and they have not stopped even once to take a break.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao gasped frantically for air. He had very little formal training in the area of internal energy, so he was no different from a normal human. A normal human can only run for dozens of minutes before getting tired. Even the most athletic humans can only run a bit longer. Only people with internal energy training can have godlike stamina and strength. Shangguan Xiaoyao was basically getting dragged along by the insane strength of Chen Bingyuan.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao finally couldn't take it anymore. He said, “Uncle Chen, why don't we take a rest?”

    Chen Bingyuan was deep in thought, so he couldn't hear Shangguan Xiaoyao. Shangguan Xiaoyao waited for a few more seconds before repeating in a louder voice, “Can we take a rest?”

    This time the loud voice woke Chen Bingyuan from his daze. He came to an abrupt stop. The sudden halt took Shangguan Xiaoyao by surprise and caused him to jolt forward. He would of fell down if Chen Bingyuan wasn't holding him tightly.

    “Easy now,” said Chen Bingyuan as he helped the lad stand upright.

    “I'm tired, Uncle Chen. Can we take a rest?” said Shangguan Xiaoyao. There were two really dark circles under his eyes.

    Chen Bingyuan, on the other hand, seemed to be full of energy, and the fact that he didn't sleep at all last night didn't seem to bother him. “Alright, let's take a rest.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao sighed a breath of relief and then looked around to see if he could find a good place to rest. They were standing in the middle of the road heading southward. There were a few trees here and there but other than that, this place was actually quite barren.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao walked over towards a big rock and hunched down on it. “It seems like they're not following us.”

    Chen Bingyuan sat down on another rock nearby before replying. “They won't be able to follow us for another couple of days. The poison I used is the Blood-clotting Aroma. If they don't force the poison out then they would die really fast. Even after they force the poison out they will still have to rest their bodies for a couple of days. But luckily for us, we have the antidote.”

    “Oh...okay.” Shangguan Xiaoyao stared into the sky with a saddened expression on his handsome face. He thought to himself, “Why? Why?”

    “I know what you're thinking. Do not be discouraged because of this event. You still have to live on. Your father would want that,” said Chen Bingyuan.

    “Yes, I will live on. I have to. I have to avenge my parents,” said Shangguan Xiaoyao. Chen Bingyuan could see a very deep hatred in his eyes when he said this.

    “Whatever your goal is, you still have to learn martial arts. Whether it's to take revenge or to do something else. Martial arts is absolutely essential in today's world. I will take you to Huashan to learn swordplay.”

    “Can I learn to defeat Li Zhixing at Huashan?” asked Shangguan Xiaoyao.

    The question took Chen Bingyuan by surprise. He had never thought about how strong his master was or even compared him to anyone else. “Master is strong but is he a match for Li Zhixing or Zhao Youqing?” he thought.

    “The answer is no, right?”

    “Actually, my master is really strong. He can probably defeat Li Zhixing and Zhao Youqing even if they joined together,” Chen Bingyuan lied with a smile.

    “Liar!”

    These words really took Chen Bingyuan by surprise. Never in his dreams did he even imagine that Shangguan Xiaoyao could be so disrespectful. Then the voice that said “Liar” spoke again.

    “Zhang Shiba [张十八] isn't even fit to wipe my shoe!”

    Chen Bingyuan finally understood. It wasn't Shangguan Xiaoyao who spoke these two disrespectful sentences. It was someone else!

    “Who is it?” shouted Chen Bingyuan in alarm. He leapt up from the rock and started looking around.

    “You pathetic fool! You can't find me.” The sound belonged to that of a child's.

    “Ah! Xiaowu [小武]! Don't be so disrespectful to this elder,” scolded another voice. This voice sounded low yet very deep. It obviously belonged to an elderly man.

    “Laowen [老文], shut your stinkin' mouth! You can't beat me in a sword fight so don't talk to me.”

    “Xiaowu, I'm your grandfather. Don't disrespect me.”

    “Old man, I know you're my grandpa but that still can't change the fact that you are decades older than me but still can't beat me with swords.”

    The old man didn't reply.

    “May I ask who are you two elders?” said Chen Bingyuan respectfully. These two people obviously had first class skills to be able to talk loud enough for them to hear yet not be able to be seen.

    “Laowen, shall we reveal outselves?” asked the young voice.

    “Sure. These two people aren't bad people,” agreed the old voice.

    Only one second after the old man said “people”, two figures leapt out from behind two trees. The two trees, however, were situated at the different sides of the road. And what's more surprising is that they were at least fifty meters apart!

    Shangguan Xiaoyao also jumped up from his seat out of surprise. The elderly man was of average height and with snow white hair and beard. The younger figure is no older than Shangguan Xiaoyao. If fact, he was even a bit shorter than Shangguan Xiaoyao! “These two are martial art masters?” thought Shangguan Xiaoyao and Chen Bingyuan.

    “What? Surprised? A kid can't be an elite master? A kid can't beat an old man?” shouted Xiaowu disrespectfully.

    “Hey, Xiaowu! No disrespect towards your elders,” reprimanded Laowen.

    “Damn you, old man! Stop bugging me. Or do you want to fight?”

    “I'd rather not. I might hurt you.”

    “That's if you have the ability to hurt me,” Xiaowu sneered.

    “Aiya! You little rascal. I will have to teach you a lesson today!” Laowen said loudly. He lifted his right hand into the air. In a second's time, a branch snapped off of a tree and fell right into the old man's grip.

    “Excellent martial arts! To be able to used energy alone to snap off a tree branch from far away and then to be able to use energy to pull it toward you. This is really high class martial art,” thought Chen Bingyuan as he opened his eyes wider. He didn't want to miss even an instance of the fight that was about to happen.

    Xiaowu stared at his grandfather then shook his head with disapproval. “You can't beat me without a weapon? Lame old man.”

    At that comment, Laowen started to feel his blood boil with anger. He could not take insults from even strangers, let alone his grandson. “Bad boy, let me teach you a lesson today.” Before he even finished his sentence, he had already started running towards Xiaowu.

    Xiaowu also started running towards Laowen. Although he didn't have a sword or a branch, he still didn't seem bothered by it. The kid thrusted his hand forward to parry Laowen's branch. Laowen retracted his branch before it even met it's target and started his second move. Xiaowu prepared to block the second move but the second move never came because Laowen had already started his third move. The two continued to battle at a tremendously fast rate.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao gasped in complete awe as he stared at the two blurs fight. He had never seen people fight at such a fast speed. He could barely even see the moves and stances used by the two strangers. “They might even be stronger than Li Zhixing,” he observed.

    “Not necessarily. Li Zhixing has really powerful internal energy. If it comes down to a real fight then even these two people might lose,” commented Chen Bingyuan without looking away from the fight. Although he said Li Zhixing might be stronger, he still couldn't help but admire the speed at which the two people were performing.

    “Halt!” shouted the little kid as he sudden leapt back ten feet from his grandfather. “Did you hear what they said?”

    “What?” growled the old man.

    “They said that there's a man named Li Zhixing and that he could whoop us in a fight.”

    “Eh, who is this Li Zhixing?” questioned Laowen as he turned his eyes toward Chen Bingyuan.

    “He's my enemy,” Shangguan Xiaoyao immediately said.

    “Oh, I see. Did he rape your wife?” asked Laowen.

    “Old man, he's too young to have a wife,” corrected Xiaowu.

    “No, he's not. When I was younger I had two young girls already at the age of fourteen. One was your grandma. She was already eighteen when she married me! The other one is your second grandma. She was only ten.” When Laowen mentioned his second wife, he started to giggle.

    “Well, he's too young. I think he got his whole family massacred like in those stories,” suggested Xiaowu.

    “How did you know? That's exactly what happened,” said Shangguan Xiaoyao, half surprised.

    “These things always happen. Nine out of ten people in today's world have their family massacred. It's either for money, secret martial arts, women, or for revenge. Which one is it for you?”

    “I don't know,” thought Shangguan Xiaoyao. He didn't reply.

    “You don't know?”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao suddenly knelt down on his knees and started kowtowing hard on the ground.

    “What are you doing, Xiaoyao?” asked Chen Bingyuan as he tried to pull Shangguan Xiaoyao up.

    “I want to be their student! I want to learn martial arts from them! I want to take revenge! I want to!” shouted Shangguan Xiaoyao in protest.

    “I'll take you to Huashan. You can learn all of the best martial arts there,” assured Chen Bingyuan.

    “Hey, kid! Huashan sword arts may be profound and unique. But it's still a low tier art compared to our's,” said Xiaowu. Although he said kid, he was actually talking to Chen Bingyuan.

    “Please don't talk these disrespectful words about my sword school."

    Xiaowu looked at Chen Bingyuan for a second, as if sizing him out. Then without warning Xiaowu jumped towards Chen Bingyuan and started poking at him with his fingers. With just a few pokes, Chen Bingyuan's whole body has become immobilized. Xiaowu has sealed all his major pressure points!

    Shangguan Xiaoyao ignored this and continued to kowtow. “Please! Take me as your student and teach me martial arts!”

    “How old are you, kid?” asked the old man.

    “Fifteen this year.”

    Laowen's face wrinkled as he went deep into thought. “Should I accept him?”

    “Old man, I'm accepting this young lad as my student so don't try to steal him,” said Xiaowu with a laugh.

    “No! I'm taking him as my student,” interrupted Laowen. He was indecisive before, but because his grandson wanted to take the student as his own, Laowen felt that he couldn't let his grandson have a disciple before him.

    “No, I will take him in.”

    “No, I.”

    “No, I.”

    The two continued with their “No, I”'s until Shangguan Xiaoyao said, “Why don't I become a disciple of both of you?” Shangguan Xiaoyao thought that if he because both their disciple then he could learn both of their martial arts.

    “Ah, you greedy kid,” said Laowen. He stroked his beard and then said, “Not a bad idea. Do you think this is a good idea, Xiaowu?”

    “Whatever. I don't mind.”

    “Alright, let's go!” He grabbed onto Shangguan Xiaoyao's right sleeve. Xiaowu saw this and grabbed onto his disciple's left sleeve. Together they pulled Shangguan Xiaoyao along as they ran down the road with their lightness kung fu.

    Chen Bingyuan stared at the three figures as they proceeded further and further down the road. He wanted to chase after them and take Shangguan Xiaoyao back but he was still immobilized. It would take several more hours before he could move again. By then Shangguan Xiaoyao would be long gone. He groaned inwardly and thought, "I hope they treat Xiaoyao nicely. He would surely be safer with them than with me." A sense of relief brushed Chen Bingyuan's mind. He immediately stopped struggling and relaxed, waiting for the pressure point to be unsealed.

    "We will meet again someday, Xiaoyao. Grow up to be a responsible and courageous man. Don't let me or your parents in heaven down."
    Last edited by Tom; 03-14-08 at 05:43 PM.

  12. #12
    Senior Member linger's Avatar
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    awh, what about chen bingyuan? just left there, immobilized? poor dude
    i dont like xiaowu very much. so arrogant and disrespectful XD

    great story so far :]
    ~
    .shu chang.
    Leanna, <3


  13. #13
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hslinger View Post
    awh, what about chen bingyuan? just left there, immobilized? poor dude
    Yeah, he was just left there. I plan for Xiaoyao to meet him again in a couple of years though. I think I should add a few sentences in just to clarify it.

    great story so far :]
    Thank you.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    CHAPTER 3 - SWORDS

    “Where are we going?” inquired Shangguan Xiaoyao. His hands were held tightly by his two masters. They were running at an overwhelmingly fast pace. Shangguan Xiaoyao can't help but feel reluctant to keep going. He was dragged by his Uncle Chen for many hours just not much earlier, and now he had to be dragged again. By now the bottom of his shoes had small holes in them because of the friction caused by the longterm dragging.

    “No. We can't stop just for you. We have to reach Mount Wuliang before dusk,” said Xiaowu in his usual commanding tone.

    Laowen took a quick look at Shangguan Xiaoyao then said, “Alright! Let's stop here.”

    “Why?” asked Xiaowu. A look of annoyance popped up on his youthful face.

    “Because our little student here is apparently tired out.”

    “What! How can he be tired when he didn't even exert one ounce of strength? We should be the ones that are tired. We were literally dragging him for half a day,” whined Xiaowu.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao wanted to shout at Xiaowu so badly. His legs were numb, and he could barely even stay standing upright. He had never been so tired in his entire life.

    “Our student has never received training in cultivating internal energy so of course he is not as energetic and enduring as we are. Let's rest now.” And with that, Laowen stopped abruptly.

    Xiaowu, however, ignored his grandfather and continued to drag Shangguan Xiaoyao. Because Shangguan Xiaoyao now only had one hand to support his body, he couldn't stay standing upright. After several steps he had already tripped and fell down onto the ground.

    Xiaowu grumbled and said, “This kid is so weak. I don't think I want him to be my disciple anymore.”

    Laowen shook his head then said, “If he wasn't weak then he wouldn't need to be our disciple.” He walked over to the spot where Shangguan Xiaoyao laid.

    “He's unconscious,” stated Xiaowu, not bothering to even bend down for a look.

    “Look's like we're going to have to carry him then.”

    “We?” Xiaowu raised his eyebrow.

    “Fine then. I guess I'll have to carry him myself since you're just a kid and a kid isn't strong enough to carry another person.” Laowen sighed. He knew that his arrogant grandson would get angry at those words and would immediately volunteer to carry Shangguan Xiaoyao.

    “I know you're just trying to get me to carry this kid. But since you doubt my abilities then I'll just have to prove it to you.” Without saying another word, Xiaowu bend down and placed Shangguan Xiaoyao over his shoulder. However, because Shangguan Xiaoyao is older and taller than Xiaowu, the sight of it is quite an amazing spectacle.

    “Now let's go!” shouted Laowen and both he and he grandson started running home.

    The next time Shangguan Xiaoyao awoke was a couple of days later. He opened his eyes. He immediately noticed that his surroundings are completely unfamiliar to him. He got up and took a look around.

    It appeared that he was sleeping on a rock bed in the middle of a huge empty cave. Shangguan Xiaoyao panicked and thought, “Where am I? What happened to me?”

    Then it struck him. He remembered what happened to him. The scene of his dad dying flashed through his mind again and again. Tear filled his eyes and poured down his face. He was weeping so loud that he did not hear footsteps approaching.

    Only when a hand touched his shoulder did he realize that he was not alone. Turning his head around, Shangguan Xiaoyao saw Laowen. “Master!”

    “Yes. Oh, by the way, what is your name? I just realized that I never asked you that.”

    “My surname is Shangguan and my given name is Xiaoyao. My full name is Shangguan Xiaoyao,” replied Shangguan Xiaoyao.

    “Oh, nice name. Carefree...carefree...I wish I was carefree,” said Laowen as he stroked his beard.

    “Master, I can't be carefree either. I am now burdened with the responsibility of avenging my deceased parents. They will never be able to rest in peace until I avenge them. I won't be able to live in peace either if I don't kill that villain Li Zhixing.”

    “So much conflict in this world.” Laowen's eyes appeared to be looking into space. He was obviously recalling the past. “Anyways, I am here to bring you somewhere. Follow me.”

    Laowen walked towards the cave exit. Shangguan Xiaoyao followed close behind. But then he noticed something weird; he was suffocating! “Mas...master...I...I...I can't...breath!”

    Laowen stopped and turned around. “Stop panicking. Control your breathing. Slow down. Slow down. Take a deep breath. That's right. One at a time.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao understood what was happening once he regained his breath. He was now on top of Mount Wuliang, the home of his masters. But because of the high altitude, he had trouble breathing. The only reason for the delayed reaction must be because he was too deeply engrossed in thought before.

    The two walked out of the cave. Outside the cave was a steep cliff. Shangguan Xiaoyao walked out so fast that he almost fell down the cliff. Luckily, Laowen had his grip on him before he fell.

    “Be careful! Mount Wuliang is a very dangerous place. Now hold onto me.” When he made sure that Shangguan Xiaoyao had a tight grip onto him, he leapt up with his superb lightness kung fu. Laowen used his amazing foot strength and lightness kung fu to propel himself upwards by kicking against the side of the mountain.

    It turned out that that place was actually not the top of Mount Wuliang. It was actually not even halfway up Mount Wuliang. As the two progressed further up the mountain, the air got thinner. Shangguan Xiaoyao couldn't breath a couple of times but he used the method Laowen taught him to calm down.

    After a few minutes the two have made it up the mountain. Shangguan Xiaoyao took several minutes before he could catch his breath. Then he took a look around and studied his environment.

    There were dozens of swords all over the place. They were all protruded into the earth, revealing only the handles. The handles, however, were not ordinary hilts. They were well-designed and impressive. It was an astonishing sight.

    “What are these?” asked Shangguan Xiaoyao with awe. He was obviously very surprised by what he was seeing.

    “These are the swords of our ancestors from the Wuliang Family [无量世家]. There are eighteen swords in total,” Laowen explained.

    “Wuliang is a surname?” Shangguan Xiaoyao had never heard of such a surname before.

    “No. It is a term used to describe our family. Wuliang means limitless so that means that our progress in martial arts will also be limitless.”

    “Oh, I see.”

    “There were originally twenty swords here but Xiaowu and I both took one sword each.”

    “Really? I didn't see you guys carry any swords.”

    “We don't take our swords out that easily. They are hidden in our sleeves,” explained the old man.

    “Oh, I see,” said Shangguan Xiaoyao. But deep inside he didn't believe the old man. “How could they hide a sword in their sleeves? They won't be even able to bend their arms then,” he thought to himself.

    “You don't look like you believe me. I don't mind. Here, let me show you.” Laowen slipped his right hand into his left sleeve and gave a slight pull. A long flexible sword immediately zoomed out.

    “Where's the sheath?”

    “I don't need a sheath. The sword is my friend so it won't hurt me.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao was getting confused by what Laowen was saying. “It's probably some sword theory,” he thought.

    “So, which sword do you want?” asked Laowen as he slipped his sword back into his left sleeve.

    “Huh?”

    “I'm asking you which of these eighteen swords do you want,” Laowen said with a smile.

    A feeling of happiness immediately swelled up in Shangguan Xiaoyao's heart. “I could have one of these swords?”

    “Yes.” The words were loud and clear.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao couldn't believe his ears. “I could actually have one of these legendary swords?” he said aloud.

    “Yes, go choose one.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao walked over to the area where the swords protruded into the ground. Each of the handles had a character engraved onto them. Some has the character “Flexible”, some has “Short”. There were six different characters in total: Flexible, Stiff, Short, Long, Heavy, and Light. All of the characters were engraved in more than one sword. The only exception was “Heavy”. There was only one sword with the character "Heavy".

    “Have you decided yet?” asked Laowen after one hour have passed.

    “Yes, I want this one.” said Shangguan Xiaoyao and he pointed at the sword with the character “Heavy”.

    “Oh, that sword. It's the heaviest sword out of these eighteen. Are you sure you want it?”

    “Yes.”

    “May I ask why?” The old man stroked his beard as if deep in thought.

    “Because I am burdened with the responsibility to avenge my parents. If I can't even carry a heavy sword then how can I carry out the revenge?” said Shangguan Xiaoyao.

    “Okay, you can have it if you want. But you still have to pull it out.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao didn't expect that he would have to pull it out so he was a bit surprised. However he kept his ground. He was not going to change his mind. He placed his hand on the large hilt and gave a slight pull as a test. The sword didn't budge one bit.

    “It's alright, I was only testing,” assured Shangguan Xiaoyao. He placed his other hand on the hilt and tugged with all his might. Deep in his heart he already knew that he could not pull it out.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao's entire body fell backward. It was totally unexpected. The soil was actually loose, so the sword easily came out after Shangguan Xiaoyao pulled with everything he had.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao got up and took a look at the sword in his hands. It was a long broad sword, about the length of four feet. The handle was made of black metal but the blade was made of pure steel. At first sight Shangguan Xiaoyao already knew that it was a good sword.

    Laowen's mouth was wide open in awe. He did not expect that a young lad with no martial art training could actually pull out the heaviest and strongest sword of his family. He said, “Good, good.” Those words were actually complimenting the sword but Shangguan Xiaoyao thought otherwise.

    “Thank you, Master!” He tried to lift the sword but it was fairly heavy. He estimated that it weighed at around forty catties. The sword dropped back down after just several seconds of lifting it.

    “What swordplay can I learn?” Shangguan Xiaoyao asked. He was anticipating greatly.

    “Right now you need to train your internal energy. You can't train up on the mountains for long if you don't have high internal energy. You will run out of breath in no time. Training internal energy can enhance your speed, stamina, and strength. I will start teaching you tomorrow. Let's go down and get a good night's rest.”

    "Wait."

    "What?"

    "What is the strongest swordplay?"

    Laowen hesitated before replying, "It is no longer a swordplay when we reach the ultimate stage. Our ancestors called it Xinzhong Sword [心中之剑]. Even I have not yet comprehended the meanings of it yet. Don't ask anymore questions. We have to rest now."

    Laowen grabbed onto Shangguan Xiaoyao and jumped down the mountain.
    Last edited by Tom; 03-28-08 at 07:15 PM.

  15. #15
    Senior Member linger's Avatar
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    Nice chapter.
    I have some questions: XiaoWu is younger than XiaoYao, but he is much more skilled. How is that so? Did he learn his martial arts from his grandfather? Or do they have some sort of secret treasure, like the HanYu Bed like XLN?

    And regarding the title, Death Aura: it sounds quite ominous. Does it foretell the ending of the story? Because if the ending is satisfactory for Xiao Yao, I think the title should be more cheerful. x)
    I actually edited your latest chapter(as I read your 'Commas' thread), but somehow I was logged out and I lost the corrections. >_<
    Last edited by linger; 03-14-08 at 10:17 PM.
    ~
    .shu chang.
    Leanna, <3


  16. #16
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hslinger View Post
    Nice chapter.
    I have some questions: XiaoWu is younger than XiaoYao, but he is much more skilled. How is that so? Did he learn his martial arts from his grandfather? Or do they have some sort of secret treasure, like the HanYu Bed like XLN?
    That part is for your imagination.

    And regarding the title, Death Aura: it sounds quite ominous. Does it foretell the ending of the story? Because if the ending is satisfactory for Xiao Yao, I think the title should be more cheerful. x)
    DEATH AURA is referring to the aura felt by Xiaoyao mentioned in CHAPTER 1. Xiaoyao will continually feel this type of aura throughout the story. No spoilers as of now.
    I actually edited your latest chapter(as I read your 'Commas' thread), but somehow I was logged out and I lost the corrections. >_<
    Commas and tense are probably the two largest problems for me as a writer. I will continue to proofread each of my chapters. Hopefully I can catch all of them before I release each update, . And if you ever see an error, feel free to tell me.

  17. #17

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    this is good. I like it!

  18. #18
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    CHAPTER 4 - CHALLENGERS

    “DING! DING! CLANG! CLANG!” The swords brushes furiously against each other. Shangguan Xiaoyao bit his lips in frustration. “How can I beat this stance?” he thought.

    “Ha! Kid, don't think you can beat me this easily,” laughed Xiaowu. He lifted his short sword with his right hand and parried Shangguan Xiaoyao's heavy swing effortlessly.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao groaned inwardly then continued on with his thrusts and swings. These moves were taught to him by Laowen. They are the stances from the Wuliang Family's Wuliang Quick Sword [无量快剑 ]. Each and every move was exquisite and unique. This sword technique relied on quick speed to overwhelm the enemy. However, no matter how fast Shangguan Xiaoyao thrusted with his sword, he still couldn't gain an upper hand on Xiaowu.

    Xiaowu laughed again then said, “Your sword is so heavy, no matter how fast you swing it, it will still be slower than my sword.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao wasn't stupid. He already knew that the heavy sword he held was part of the reason why he couldn't gain the upper hand. But that wasn't the only reason. Although Xiaowu was also using Wuliang Quick Sword, it seemed like a totally different swordplay.

    “Okay, stop, stop, stop!” said Xiaowu. He quickly took a huge leap backwards. “Kid, your swordplay is horrible. Absolutely horrible! How can you even call yourself a student of mine?”

    “Sorry, master.” Although Shangguan Xiaoyao apologized, deep inside he cursed at Xiaowu. “Who is he to lecture me? He is younger than me!” he thought.

    “Although I'm younger than you, my internal energy is a lot superior.”

    “How?”

    “Well, for one, my late parents transferred all their energy into me before they died. I also benefited from the Heavenly Ginseng Pills that my grandpa makes. I say my energy is about equal to that old man's,” said Xiaowu with a proud air.

    Laowen, who was watching the fight from the side, frowned at those words. “Don't be to confident of yourself. One day that ego is going to kill you.”

    “Shut up! Okay, Xiaoyao, if you don't believe me, just look here.” Xiaowu swung his short sword in a wide vertical arc. Nothing happened. Everything became dead still.

    “What?” Shangguan Xiaoyao couldn't tell what exactly Xiaowu wanted him to look at.

    “Look again.”

    Right at that moment, a boulder the size of a human cracked into half vertically. What's more shocking is that the cut was smooth and shiny. Anyone with a brain could tell that the cutter was very experienced.

    “Wow! How did you cut that rock from twenty feet away?” Shangguan Xiaoyao couldn't help but admire Xiaowu. Although Xiaowu was disrespectful and arrogant, he was still very highly skilled.

    “Easy. I used the Pingsui Sword Aura [平碎剑气] of the Wuliang Family.”

    “This is it...this is the technique,” Shangguan Xiaoyao thought inwardly. He then said out loud, “Can I learn it?”

    Xiaowu started giggling incontrollable. “YOU? You want to learn the Pingsui Sword Aura? Maybe in twenty years!”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao felt a little disappointed, but he didn't want to give in. He turned to his other master and asked again.

    “Xiaowu is right. Your internal energy cultivation is not profound enough for you to learn this technique yet. I'm afraid...I'm afraid it'll take quite some time.”

    Shangguan Xiaoyao felt dread. How long exactly is “some time”? “How long?” he asked after several moments.

    “A very long time,” Laowen sighed.

    At that moment, a loud voice boomed throughout the mountains. “A VERY LONG TIME. WHAT GOOD IS A TECHNIQUE THAT TAKES A LONG TIME TO LEARN? LITTLE KID, WHY DON'T YOU BECOME MY DISCIPLE? I CAN TEACH YOU POWERFUL TECHNIQUES IN UNDER A DAY.”

    Laowen's eyes sharpened then replied, “Little sneak, get your stinkin' *** out here.” Laowen's voice didn't boom, but it had a very mysterious type of feeling to it, very different from that of the loud voice's.

    Right after Laowen's words, four figures leapt out from out of nowhere.

    Shangguan Xiaoyao quickly studied all of the figures. Three of them were men, all of whom are dressed in elegant red robes with dragons sewn on them. The last one was a woman wearing a mask.

    “Elder of Shenlong Evil Cult, Sima Tianshen [司马天神],” said one of the men. He was the eldest of the group and had a long black beard. A handsome face could be seen beneath the mass of hair.

    “Head disciple of Shenlong Evil Cult, Lei Mengbao [雷猛豹],” said another. This man was at least a head taller than the rest of the group. Although he isn't as good looking as the previous man, he was a lot more impressive.

    “Second disciple of Shenlong Evil Cult, Meng Jun [孟君],” said a third. This man was very different from the previous two. He had hair covering his entire face, so Shangguan Xiaoyao could not get a good view of this man's looks. He couldn't help but feel spooked out.

    The woman introduced herself last. “I am Sima Tingyue [司马婷月], daughter of the Elder of Shenlong Evil Cult.” The voice was crisp clear and sweet. It was a real pity that Shangguan Xiaoyao couldn't see her face. However, other things caught Shangguan Xiaoyao's attention. Sima Tingyue was wearing very little clothes. In fact, she only had two pieces of thin cloths wrapped around her bosom and bottom regions.

    “What have you come here for?” Xiaowu said loudly.

    “Xiaowu, no disrespect towards guests, even if they're not welcomed guests,” said Laowen.

    Hearing this, Shangguan Xiaoyao bursted into laughter.

    “Young man, may I ask what's so funny?” said Sima Tianshen. He looked greatly annoyed.

    “Oh, nothing.” Shangguan Xiaoyao stopped laughing and back up until he was behind both Laowen and Xiaowu. He felt afraid.

    “What have you come here for?” asked Xiaowu again.

    “We have come here today, on behalf of our leader, to collect your martial art manuals,” announced Sima Tianshen.

    “I heard rumors that a new society called Shenlong Evil Cult has been causing havoc all around the martial world. Seems like the rumors were true,” stated Laowen.

    “So are you going to turn the manuals over peacefully, or will be have to resort to violence?”

    “The more the better,” said Xiaowu. The kid leapt forward at Sima Tianshen with his sword.

    Sima Tianshen unsheathed his own sword and parried the thrust. He then returned with a slash or his own. To his surprise, Xiaowu blocked it effortlessly. He didn't stop there. He continued on with five continuous slashes, only to have them all dodged or parried.

    “Old man, your sword skills are weak. Lame to be exact. How can you expect to beat me?” Xiaowu chuckled. He switched to the offensive now. Xiaowu released one move after another. A thrust followed by a slash, the slashed followed by another, then by another, then by ten more thrusts. They were all organized moves from the Wuliang Quick Sword.

    Sima Tianshen was able to block the attacks at first, but after just a couple of minutes, he tired out. His movement started to slow, and his hand started to numb. He would of continued to fight on but Xiaowu's sword got him.

    Xiaowu's entire short sword thrusted all the way through Sima Tianshen's heart. Blood flushed out of the wound and onto the floor. Sima Tianshen also dropped onto the floor, dead.

    At the same time Sima Tianshen dropped down, a scream pierced the air, echoing throughout the whole Mount Wuliang.
    Last edited by Tom; 03-28-08 at 12:04 PM.

  19. #19
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Very nice concept.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bogeyman View Post
    CHAPTER 3 - CHALLENGERS
    I think this should be Chapter 4.
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

  20. #20
    Senior Member Tom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    Very nice concept.



    I think this should be Chapter 4.
    Oh, thanks for the correction, PJ.

    What is the concept you're talking about? The sword aura?

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