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Thread: Is it wrong to mess with another man's wife?

  1. #221
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jiang bao View Post
    Just pay attention to what he does, not what he says. (I think falling for words is some women's weak spot)
    Hey, this is true in Jin Yong universe too. And even male readers fall for Jin Yong's narrations ("Zhang Sanfeng can do anything he wants, really." But he can't heal his student).
    Quote Originally Posted by CC
    So what if 1000 arrows are targetted at our wuxia hero? LHC's missile breaking stance can deflect thousands of projectiles in 1 stance and send them back to the enemy. The more arrows the better!

  2. #222
    Senior Member pandamao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 999roses View Post

    But I agree with PJ though....if the person has problems telling you on their own, there is already something wrong with your relationship. When I say I would like to know, I'm not gonna like act all suspicious and jealous and try to sneak behind their back to investigate them etc. But if I ask if there is something from the past that they want to tell me and they miss that opportunity, things aren't gonna look pretty in the future if I find out.
    girls tend to use guy's past against them in future arguments hence another reason why guys don't tell all.

    wouldn't you be tempted to say? "i don't know, you did it before - how can I be so sure now?"
    Hatred is a curve blade. The harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves.

    i tell you, some ppl argue for the sake of arguing.

  3. #223
    Senior Member 999roses's Avatar
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    Yea well if he tells and I'm unhappy with it and he's unhappy with me being unhappy about it, then he can always initiate the break up. I'll just have to consider myself VERY VERY unlucky for having wasted my time and energy, but hey, at least it'll be before marriage so that's a bonus.

    But like I said, in reality, guys are likely selfish and dishonest about this type of thing. Okay scratch that, I'm being sexist...PEOPLE are generally dishonest about this type of thing, males or females.

  4. #224
    Moderator Ren Wo Xing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao View Post
    most men are scums and if they say they aren't, they are lying to you. given that's the reality, i prefer the guy to keep the secret with him for the rest of my life. all i ask of him is - "play it smart and make sure i never find out cuz once i find out ... "
    Lol. Someone's become jaded.
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  5. #225
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 999roses View Post
    ...act all suspicious and jealous and try to sneak behind their back to investigate them etc.
    Yeah, I really hate the stalker type. Unfortunately some people are habitual stalkers; they'll stalk every partner they ever meet. As soon as that happens, you know they're in a problematic relationship (whether the problem is them, the partner, or both).

    Personally, I just wouldn't wanna date anyone who used to be involved in an adulterous relationship period.
    Yeah, I understand why you feel that way; however, I've seen good people make mistakes and truly repent and learn from their mistake. I actually think that makes them a better person (having learned from experience, that is) than someone who's not had that experience. If my partner tells me about a past mistake, I'd want to see evidence that she's changed and became better/wiser because of that. As long as I can see that in her actions, I'm happy.
    Last edited by PJ; 02-03-09 at 11:12 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by CC
    So what if 1000 arrows are targetted at our wuxia hero? LHC's missile breaking stance can deflect thousands of projectiles in 1 stance and send them back to the enemy. The more arrows the better!

  6. #226
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ren the Man who does WeverTF he wants
    Main issue here is a difference of definitions. When Jaded is talking about a serious relationship, she's referring to someone she is seriously considering as a future spouse. When Candide is, he is referring to a girl he is currently boffing. Hence, a disconnect.
    Nah, I was referring to a girl I'm in a serious relationship with. I would not get into a serious relationship with a girl I don't see a future with, and after a year or so, if I still can't see the potentials, I will stop wasting her and my time.

    I don't date chicks I just want to pork. I just hang out with them and take them home when we're in the mood. Save money & time, plus I'm not giving them any false promise.

    Quote Originally Posted by 999roses
    And P.S. it's not THAT hard to find to find a guy or girl who has a relatively clean past with no messy relationships involving adultery, spousal abuse, breaking the law, etc. Not everyone has a shady past. I don't think it'll be THAT hard to find a future spouse with these characteristics.
    Yeah that guy calls himself Trien Chieu. Good luck.

    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao
    girls tend to use guy's past against them in future arguments hence another reason why guys don't tell all.

    wouldn't you be tempted to say? "i don't know, you did it before - how can I be so sure now?"
    Ooohhh she gets it! That's one of the major reasons why men should keep our mouths shut. Anything they say CAN and WILL be used against them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie
    Oh yea, that is true. You can just go to a clinic and get tested. They didn't tell us that in sex ed.
    What the hell are they teaching future generations in sex ed?
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

  7. #227
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao View Post
    the truth never sets anyone free. i like living in a make believe world. a simple statement of, "honey - the past is the past. my d!ck is yours now" will suffice.

    most men are scums and if they say they aren't, they are lying to you. given that's the reality, i prefer the guy to keep the secret with him for the rest of my life. all i ask of him is - "play it smart and make sure i never find out cuz once i find out ... "
    When did you become a feminist, pandy? I didn't get the memo.

    My dear pandy, I'm a certified scumbag and I'm lying to you.

    Btw I also agree with what PJ said earlier about the partner willingly telling stories about his/her past during intimate moments. That's cool and how it should be.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

  8. #228
    Senior Member Han Solo's Avatar
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    Its straightforward.

    "Don't ask. Don't tell."

    If your BF/GF wants to tell you about their past relationship, fine.

    If they have something enormous big in the past such as they have a kid, or a previous marriage or being wanted by the police in 3 countries, you would have expected them to tell you.

    If they have previous 10 BF/GF before you is no biggie, imho.

    Han solo
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    Quote Originally Posted by bliss
    I think they're probably at the same level as or one level below Ah Qing, which is about the level of a 2nd or 3rd generation Quan Zhen disciple.
    Troll Control

  9. #229
    Senior Member pandamao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candide View Post
    When did you become a feminist, pandy? I didn't get the memo.

    My dear pandy, I'm a certified scumbag and I'm lying to you.

    Btw I also agree with what PJ said earlier about the partner willingly telling stories about his/her past during intimate moments. That's cool and how it should be.
    yeah i still think all men are scums, however, i need these germs in my life. they keep me from getting really "sick" =)

    intimate usually means sex. i haven't dated a guy that's willing to cuddle up but not have sex eventually. it's like the foreplay that does nothing for a girl.
    Hatred is a curve blade. The harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves.

    i tell you, some ppl argue for the sake of arguing.

  10. #230
    Moderator Ren Wo Xing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candide View Post
    Nah, I was referring to a girl I'm in a serious relationship with. I would not get into a serious relationship with a girl I don't see a future with, and after a year or so, if I still can't see the potentials, I will stop wasting her and my time.

    I don't date chicks I just want to pork. I just hang out with them and take them home when we're in the mood. Save money & time, plus I'm not giving them any false promise.
    Relax. Tongue-in-cheek.

    Mostly.

    Ooohhh she gets it! That's one of the major reasons why men should keep our mouths shut. Anything they say CAN and WILL be used against them.
    QFT.
    Accepting Paypal donations here. Read Coiling Dragon at Wuxia World!. When donations reach a certain level, I will produce 'bonus' chapters in 24 hrs & credit donors!

  11. #231
    Senior Member Han Solo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao View Post
    yeah i still think all men are scums, however, i need these germs in my life. they keep me from getting really "sick" =)

    intimate usually means sex. i haven't dated a guy that's willing to cuddle up but not have sex eventually. it's like the foreplay that does nothing for a girl.
    You need to be really suspicious of a guy that just cuddles a girl without thinking of rounding off the bases.

    Han Solo
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    Quote Originally Posted by bliss
    I think they're probably at the same level as or one level below Ah Qing, which is about the level of a 2nd or 3rd generation Quan Zhen disciple.
    Troll Control

  12. #232
    Senior Member pandamao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ren Wo Xing View Post
    Lol. Someone's become jaded.
    bleh - this is why smart men will always win the heart of most girls. being a dumb woman is a privilege.
    Hatred is a curve blade. The harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves.

    i tell you, some ppl argue for the sake of arguing.

  13. #233
    Senior Member pandamao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Han Solo View Post
    You need to be really suspicious of a guy that just cuddles a girl without thinking of rounding off the bases.

    Han Solo
    Yes - I agree but then again, aren't all guys like that?
    Hatred is a curve blade. The harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves.

    i tell you, some ppl argue for the sake of arguing.

  14. #234
    Moderator Ren Wo Xing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Han Solo View Post
    You need to be really suspicious of a guy that just cuddles a girl without thinking of rounding off the bases.

    Han Solo
    No need for suspicion. Dude's gay or seriously sexually repressed if he doesn't even think about it.

    bleh - this is why smart men will always win the heart of most girls. being a dumb woman is a privilege.
    I don't know about the men necessarily being smart. I do think some women are really, really dumb when it comes to relationship choices.
    Accepting Paypal donations here. Read Coiling Dragon at Wuxia World!. When donations reach a certain level, I will produce 'bonus' chapters in 24 hrs & credit donors!

  15. #235
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Han Solo View Post
    If they have something enormous big in the past such as they have a kid
    Ah, this evokes the classic Taiwanese TV series -- "Between Water and Cloud" 《水云间》. The first 10+ episodes were intensely centered around the poor dude's quest to pursue a rich girl; then, just when he finally convinced the snobbish parents to let them get engaged, suddenly his wife and daughter show up looking for him. He literally said to the fiance "sorry, I totally forgot about them" !!! That was such a WTF twist.
    Quote Originally Posted by CC
    So what if 1000 arrows are targetted at our wuxia hero? LHC's missile breaking stance can deflect thousands of projectiles in 1 stance and send them back to the enemy. The more arrows the better!

  16. #236
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    I know, Ren, but women tend to miss tongue-in-cheek comments so I had to clarify.

    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao View Post
    yeah i still think all men are scums, however, i need these germs in my life. they keep me from getting really "sick" =)
    Nah my dear you've only had the fake scums, never the real thing.

    intimate usually means sex. i haven't dated a guy that's willing to cuddle up but not have sex eventually. it's like the foreplay that does nothing for a girl.
    See what they've done to sexuality in modern time? It's all about sex. Intimate moments are more than just that! No I'm not talking about cuddling up. There's no imagination and true sexuality these days.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

  17. #237
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    ............
    Quote Originally Posted by CC
    So what if 1000 arrows are targetted at our wuxia hero? LHC's missile breaking stance can deflect thousands of projectiles in 1 stance and send them back to the enemy. The more arrows the better!

  18. #238
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao View Post
    being a dumb woman is a privilege.
    Not true. It appears so only because women who call themselves smart aren't actually smart, and women who are called dumb by other women aren't actually dumb.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

  19. #239
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    I always appreciated it when my partner revealed his/her past on his/her own initiative. Rather than pressuring them into discussing it with me, I want them to feel comfortable talking about it. It usually happens naturally after we become very comfortable with each other, and that can take time. There have been times when they did want to keep certain details to themselves, and I'm ok with that - agree with Candide about respecting their privacy and would like to give them the space they need in a relationship.

    On a related note, for this reason I personally do not like dating a stranger. I prefer to date friends with whom I've come to know and trust; this makes things both safer and smoother. People tend to disclose their secrets to whoever they feel comfortable with, and most of the time a good friend feels less intimidating than a potential mate, so as a friend you can get the inside scoops to their past even before you start dating which can help you decide if you want to pursue them. Besides, if you can't be good friends then it'll be hard to be good (serious) lovers; "being friends first" gets you through this important hurdle right off the bat.
    I very much agree with this.

    Come to think about it, neither myself nor my boyfriend actually literally asked each other about our past. We just told each other our past relationships.

    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao View Post
    the truth never sets anyone free. i like living in a make believe world. a simple statement of, "honey - the past is the past. my d!ck is yours now" will suffice.

    most men are scums and if they say they aren't, they are lying to you. given that's the reality, i prefer the guy to keep the secret with him for the rest of my life. all i ask of him is - "play it smart and make sure i never find out cuz once i find out ... "
    That's pretty bitter.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

  20. #240
    Moderator Ren Wo Xing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Han Solo View Post
    "Don't ask. Don't tell."
    Dude, it feels so wrong for you to be suddenly channeling Billy J. Clinton on a thread on adultery
    Accepting Paypal donations here. Read Coiling Dragon at Wuxia World!. When donations reach a certain level, I will produce 'bonus' chapters in 24 hrs & credit donors!

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