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Thread: Is it wrong to mess with another man's wife?

  1. #21
    Senior Member 999roses's Avatar
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    Lol is this how people in adulterous relationships justify their actions? No wonder Qiong Yao felt so justified.

    But in all honesty, she sounds toxic. Seriously get out of it asap. If she really likes you, she would leave him.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone here. You never know whether she's using you or not. You are defending her and trusting her because you are blinded by love or whatever it may be.

    Still, adultery is wrong and I'm surprised you are justifying with the story that her husband may be the jerk she's saying. Adultery can get you into potential big trouble. You are lucky you are not in South Korea, where adultery is a CRIME.

    Before you even goes into a relationship with her, both you and her should know what she really wants. If she's going to stay with her husband, you shouldn't get involved with her but you can, of course, help her if the marriage is really as torrid as she said.

    You should only enter into a relationship with her after she leaves her husband.
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    So here's my story, I met this girl in college and we have been friends for three years. She's the nicest girl I know who likes to smile all the time. A few months ago we were both invited to a party by an old colleague of ours. As the night went on, she got drunk, and revealed to me she was not happy with her marriage because her husband is too controlling and has become reckless with his spending. (Bought a Mercedes using money from their joint-account without her consent.) She was so upset that she didn't want to go home and opted to stay the night at my place instead. She didn't have to worry about her husband because he's usually out with his friends and doesn't come back until late in the morning and she's been to my apartment before. When we got back to my place her behavior reverted back to normal. She was acting like her same old cheerful self again. We started joking around and dancing to some indigenous folk music. Eventually we got tired and watched tv. I was planning to sleep on the couch and was falling half asleep when suddenly she crawled into my blanket. I asked what she was doing and she said she was cold. I knew she drank alot earlier so I figured she was still feeling the buzz. After awhile I heard her crying again. I asked her what's wrong and she told me she doesn't think her husband loves her anymore. They haven't been intimate lately and he treats her more like a trophy. I tried to comfort her, telling her that she's over thinking, but she wouldn't stop crying so in the spur of the moment I wrapped my arms around her, kissed her on the head, and told her I love her. Ever since then when we're not meeting each other three nights a week, we constantly text message each other, or have late night phone conversations.

    What would you do if you were in my situation?
    I just read your story again and think that she may just be using you... OR you are just thinking too much and mistakenly think she has feelings for you.. I think she is just a normal friend to you. Just because you have late night phone conversations and send text messages does not mean much. They are just things that normal friends do to each other all the time... You are also the one that said that you like her so it wasn't the other way around. Even IF she did say it, who knows if she meant it or not. Also, you must remember that she is STILL married... I think you should just support her and comfort her as a normal friend. It is good to help a friend in need...However, IF it is a friend of the opposite sex then you must be careful not to cross the border, especially if they are married. THat is the main reason why it is hard for me to be just normal friends with any guy...
    Last edited by Trinie; 01-28-09 at 11:19 PM.
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  4. #24
    Moderator Han Solo's Avatar
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    Listen to Candide- he is a wise man.

    Either give her an ultimatum or deadline, or terminate the relationship- either way, it is a test of her relationship with you.

    You are the 3rd party in someone's marriage- how would you feel if some guy is doing it to you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by bliss
    I think they're probably at the same level as or one level below Ah Qing, which is about the level of a 2nd or 3rd generation Quan Zhen disciple.
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  5. #25
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    It's an immoral thing to do, my friend. it's a battle between your rationality and irrationality.

    Make a wise choice.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  6. #26
    Senior Member LuNaR's Avatar
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    ya dont give other people the green hat, just wait til she divorces
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  7. #27
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Han Solo View Post
    Either give her an ultimatum or deadline, or terminate the relationship- either way, it is a test of her relationship with you.
    What relationship? Oh you mean the one in which he's her girlfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Radken
    Ever since then when we're not meeting each other three nights a week, we constantly text message each other, or have late night phone conversations.
    That's what girls do with their best female friends.

    That night she was after a revenge fvck for whatever her hubby did to her (the reasons she gave are all BS, don't trust her). She was basically throwing herself at Radken screaming fvck me fvck me! She only picked him because he's been in the "d!ck in glass" role for a while and he's safe - it could've been another "d!ck in glass" guy. Since Radken didn't want to be her dildo that night, he became the emotion tampon, hence the texting & late night phone conversation and other lovey dovey BS. Some other guy is playing the dildo role right now to her while hubby is away (perhaps riding a few cheap hos himself).

    Radken, do yourself a favour and next time she calls late at night, tell her to talk to her chick friends and stop bothering you. Then go out, find single women and get laid. New pvssy always clears the head. Think about it: if you were getting it good, you wouldn't even think about entertaining this drama queen and her latest sob story.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

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  8. #28
    Senior Member Radken's Avatar
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    Speaking of sob stories...

    There's a reason why she can't leave her marriage. When Jackie was little and living in the Philippines her mother died. Not long afterward her father remarried. Her new stepmom then prearranged for her to be wed to her cousin's son, Diego. Her cousin owned a business selling furniture while her husband sell stones to build houses. They were a well off family so the father naturally accepted. Years later Diego was able to enter into the Untied States and have Jackie sent over as well. From there she was able to finish school and no longer has to live with her stepmom whom she doesn't get along very well with. So even though she was forced into a loveless marriage she still feels indebted to him to stay. She told me this story way back when we were starting to know each other and on every mother's day she would seem awfully sad. She promised me that we will go visit her mother's grave when we go to Boracay this summer so I see no reason not to believe her about that.

    I think if I ask her to get a divorce she ultimately would. But she'll be making a huge sacrifice. All her friends and family would hate her especially if they find out why. She'll no doubt come out worse out of the ordeal than I would. I think it's a decision she should make herself rather than me forcing it on her.
    Last edited by Radken; 01-29-09 at 03:23 AM.

  9. #29
    Senior Member jadebunny9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    Speaking of sob stories...

    There's a reason why she can't leave her marriage. When Jackie was little and living in the Philippines her mother died. Not long afterward her father remarried. Her new stepmom then prearranged for her to be wed to her cousin's son, Diego. Her cousin owned a business selling furniture while her husband sell stones to build houses. They were a well off family so the father naturally accepted. Years later Diego was able to enter into the Untied States and have Jackie sent over as well. From there she was able to finish school and no longer has to live with her stepmom whom she doesn't get along very well with. So even though she was forced into a loveless marriage she still feels indebted to him to stay. She told me this story way back when we were starting to know each other and on every mother's day she would seem awfully sad. She promised me that we will go visit her mother's grave when we go to Boracay this summer so I see no reason to distrust her.
    Raddie, even if you get involved with her now, so what? What can possibly come out of this if she still continues to feel indebted to him? If she's not going to leave him...where does that leave you?

    Stay by her side as a friend, but nothing more. It's her life and her marriage. She needs to decide what she wants to do with it. Even if she honestly loves you, she still won't leave him, so it's not going to work out.

    I'm saying this as a friend...it's probably best if you move on, for your own good as well as hers.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    Speaking of sob stories...

    {blah blah}
    Her problem, not yours. Every chick has a heart-bleeding sob story. This one is starring in her own Asian drama: chick from poor family marries rich, now gets the sh!t in a loveless marriage & is fishing for Captains Save-A-Ho to rescue her. That's the friggin' plot of many Asian TV serials.

    I think if I ask her to get a divorce she ultimately would. But she'll be making a huge sacrifice. All her friends and family would hate her especially if they find out why. She'll no doubt come out worse out of the ordeal than I would. I think it's a decision she should make herself rather than me forcing it on her.
    Mate, the whole reason she's sucking you into this is so that you'll be the scapegoat to shoulder the blame for her divorce. I bet you money she will eventually get a divorce (possibly milking her husband dry in the process), you get the blame (maybe a few bullets from her husband, or lose a nut or two) and she will use the typical "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" excuse just when you're getting excited about finally being with her. Then soon enough she'll be c0ck-hopping around the block with you good sir being the guy she talks to about her latest date. This sh!t is scripted and you're just one out of millions of guys who've been in that position.

    Get outta there quick!

    If you think you love her, just go sleep with 10 other women and see if this one is still that special to you.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

  11. #31
    Moderator Han Solo's Avatar
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    Candide,

    You should start a relationship clinic thread.

    I would bet some amount of money that any advice would end up being you telling ppl to get laid.

    Han Solo
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    Quote Originally Posted by bliss
    I think they're probably at the same level as or one level below Ah Qing, which is about the level of a 2nd or 3rd generation Quan Zhen disciple.
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  12. #32
    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Han Solo View Post
    Candide,

    You should start a relationship clinic thread.

    I would bet some amount of money that any advice would end up being you telling ppl to get laid.

    Han Solo
    As a physician yourself, you know that one shouldn't be opening a clinic when he's got only one treatment procedure in the casebook.

  13. #33
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    I have many different treatments. It just happens that most dating/relationship problems that Asian guys have are, at the core, caused by their not getting laid enough. It results in their thinking with their d1cks too much and not enough with their real heads.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

  14. #34
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    Get away from the girl, you're either a rebound or dick in a glass.

    The only win out come was to do her right there and then, and never call her... I'm sorry but that's probably the only situation where you break even.

    Don't bring trouble on yourself, you do not want her husband raining bullets on you. I'm also sorry that people WILL do stuff like that since guns/bullets are so easily obtain in this country, jealousy is probably the worst emotion you can put on a man, he will go crazy.

  15. #35
    atlantean0208
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candide View Post
    I have many different treatments. It just happens that most dating/relationship problems that Asian guys have are, at the core, caused by their not getting laid enough. It results in their thinking with their d1cks too much and not enough with their real heads.
    Yeah can't agree more. All the problems of the world will go away if everybody just get enough sex. Sex can reduce tension, de-stressing, improve emotional intimacy between couple, staying healthy and will make people happy afterward. Happy thought make people thinking clearly and make good judgment on things.
    Last edited by atlantean0208; 01-29-09 at 05:39 AM.

  16. #36
    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    I look at the thread title, and my immediate response is, "Well, duh."

    I mean, can we find ANY context in which "messing with another man's wife" would be judged as the RIGHT thing to do?

  17. #37
    Senior Member Radken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jadebunny9 View Post
    Raddie, even if you get involved with her now, so what? What can possibly come out of this if she still continues to feel indebted to him? If she's not going to leave him...where does that leave you?

    Stay by her side as a friend, but nothing more. It's her life and her marriage. She needs to decide what she wants to do with it. Even if she honestly loves you, she still won't leave him, so it's not going to work out.

    I'm saying this as a friend...it's probably best if you move on, for your own good as well as hers.
    We have already reached the point where we can't go back and be friends anymore. When we first met I was infatuated with her for six months. But eventually those feelings subsided because nothing happened. We would only say hi and good-bye to each other and never talk about anything except for stuff on the surface level. Sometimes it felt like I scared her or she was just tolerating my existence because we were lab partners. Then one day something happened. We started chatting with each other more, privy to each other's personal information, even flirting. We became each other's best friends. Eventually I asked her why she was acting so cold and distant to me in the beginning. She told me it was because she was married (I wasn't aware at the time because there's no ring on her finger) and her husband does not like it when she talks to other men. One time all her and her husband's friends were invited to celebrate her husband business venture into computer network services. When I arrived we couldn't keep our eyes off of each other. And when we talked you can tell we enjoyed each other's company. Some of the guests were even teasing if we were brother and sister.

    I've waited so long and putted so much effort into trying to make this work and everyone here just wants me to move on. I'm not entirely sure she's using me but I guess I wouldn't know till I ride it out to the end. Maybe she just wants to be emotionally satisfied. And no, I'm not gonna sleep with other women to find if I truly in love. I'm not morally ambiguous to the contrary.

    Fun question, if God is against adultery then why did he impregnate Mary with Jesus?

  18. #38
    Senior Member Radken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Batman View Post
    I look at the thread title, and my immediate response is, "Well, duh."

    I mean, can we find ANY context in which "messing with another man's wife" would be judged as the RIGHT thing to do?
    I'm not letting her slip past my grasp. I've to be doing something right.

  19. #39
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Raddie, I agree with Bunnie, totally! Don't give yourself an excuse to make an irrational choice.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  20. #40
    atlantean0208
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    I'm not letting her slip past my grasp. I've to be doing something right.
    It seems you already decided what you want to do. Why you're bother to ask for people opinion in the first place

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