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Thread: Is it wrong to mess with another man's wife?

  1. #101
    Moderator Ren Wo Xing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by remember_Cedric View Post
    *sigh* LMAO *sigh*

    I don't read the text from every poster. I read the poster's approach, and how "polite" they approach a supposedly friend when he is the emotional "victim" but the supposedly villain in everybody's eyes.

    If there was no debate, no pros & cons to talk about......hmmm, how did this topic come to 5 pages? Hmm?
    Lol, I don't recall saying that he was my friend, OR that he was a villain, etc. I answered a yes or no question with a 'no', and added a 'duh' to indicate obviousness. As a fervent believer in DGQB's theory of 'simplicity brings superiority', I simply choose not to add a bunch of crap after my statement.

    Oh, and the topic came to 5 pages through lots of people giving lots of different analyses and reasons as to why the answer is 'no', followed by personal anecdotes, stories, etc. etc. I don't think there's any actual 'debate' on whether or not it is "wrong to mess with another man's wife". It is, as everyone here has agreed. Hence..."Duh?"

    I think you're getting way too personally attached to this subject matter; you post several x more than him and jump to his defense for any perceived slight quicker than he does.
    Last edited by Ren Wo Xing; 01-31-09 at 04:07 AM.
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  2. #102
    Senior Member 999roses's Avatar
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    I'm not saying it's black/white, but the point is--yes, his grey issues is that psychologically, he has many issues. But in the end, he cheated on his wife. That doesn't make it any better just because he wasn't of the right mind. The hurt is still there.

    The only people who truly forgive are family and very close friends. As for anyone else, it's just like giving general advice. If ti was my brother or my father, yeah, maybe it'll be different.

    I don't know....the human emotion is very complex.

    There's many purposes to posting on the forum. Some people may sincerely try to help others (though it may or may not work), while others try to show off and post things that are of NO USE basically to the original poster or anyone else. Stating the obvious often doesn't make anyone look any smarter.
    Last edited by 999roses; 01-31-09 at 04:20 AM.

  3. #103
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ren Wo Xing View Post
    Lol, I don't recall saying that he was my friend, OR that he was a villain, etc. I answered a yes or no question with a 'no', and added a 'duh' to indicate obviousness.
    Quote Originally Posted by ME
    I read the poster's approach, and how "polite" they approach a supposedly friend when he is the emotional "victim" but the supposedly villain in everybody's eyes.


    As a fervent believer in DGQB's theory of 'simplicity brings superiority', I simply choose not to add a bunch of crap after my statement.
    Sometimes, some crap isn't bad. Crap lightens up atmosphere. But Homer is simple too, I don't sense the superiority...?

    Oh, and the topic came to 5 pages through lots of people giving lots of different analyses and reasons as to why the answer is 'no', followed by personal anecdotes, stories, etc. etc. I don't think there's any actual 'debate' on whether or not it is "wrong to mess with another man's wife". It is, as everyone here has agreed. Hence..."Duh?"
    Awww, you persistent old man.

    I think you're getting way too personally attached to this subject matter; you post several x more than him and jump to his defense for any perceived slight quicker than he does.
    Don't get me wrong. I personally hate family breakers, or a third party who destroys family. I'm just bringing up points that maybe others don't see/forgotten(?). Oh yeah, he is in my friendlist like some others have, not in person. If I have a totally same opinion as the rest,.....then I better not be posting in here, leave it to others to simply trash him (Alas, I did give him harsh reality too). Why am I posting several x here? Because I have my different set of opinions to contribution.

    As for why am I quicker.....? Hmmmm, my internet speed is Faster than his? LOL

    This human relationship is often an interesting subject for me, I'm older and wiser (than our younger friend, Raddie), and don't forget where I'm working. I deal with broken families all the time, with nearly all ranges of age. Even my boss, has been a victim of his own, almost facing a divorce. How ironic. *sigh* Life *shakes head*


    Hey, if PJ's thread is not locked, I'll definitely be there
    Last edited by remember_Cedric; 01-31-09 at 04:46 AM.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

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  4. #104
    Senior Member yittz's Avatar
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    Funny how even when everyone agrees, there is conflict in the thread. I disagree with the way you agree with my points. I disagree with how black and white it is. I disagree with how simple/complex a post should be.

  5. #105
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yittz View Post
    Funny how even when everyone agrees, there is conflict in the thread. I disagree with the way you agree with my points. I disagree with how black and white it is. I disagree with how simple/complex a post should be.
    which is why I couldn't help laughing away as I post. The forum has been boring, we need a thread like that.

    Look at the number of different posters.

    http://www.spcnet.tv/forums/misc.php...posted&t=26097
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  6. #106
    atlantean0208
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    Quote Originally Posted by yittz View Post
    Funny how even when everyone agrees, there is conflict in the thread. I disagree with the way you agree with my points. I disagree with how black and white it is. I disagree with how simple/complex a post should be.
    Welcome to the human condition....

    "I agree to disagree"

  7. #107
    Senior Member 999roses's Avatar
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    Lol it's not like everyone on this forum was buddy-buddy with each other before. What--just because we agree that it's wrong to cheat, we're supposed to agree on everything else?

  8. #108
    Senior Member 999roses's Avatar
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    And another thing about control. If everyone just acted with their emotions at will, we would have even more broken families than we already do in society.

    Some people will always place morals >>>>>> emotions, while others just can't control themselves.

    Yes, we can't control our emotions, I'm sure even the most principled people may feel infactuations towards married people. But they stop it WAY before it gets over their head.

    Usually when someone is taken, that's a hint for you to get over it. If you can't, do things to force yourself to get over it, like not seeing them, erasing them from your contact book, etc.

  9. #109
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Found my words....

    Oh yes! So as not to create misunderstandings, let me just say that I was an extreme hater of immoral acts and injustice, never a supporter.

    I am still a hater of both, but having gone through events/incidents, I take a step back, did a review and thought about it. In that way, it will make a more effective way to approach others' problems, for both victim and "villain" (the bad person, the one who made the mistake....whatever). If I just think, it's wrong wrong wrong then immediately condemn that person.....it won't be fair. Is not condemning an act of hurting others too?


    When someone is ruled by complicated emotions, it's like having weak knees. You try to stand up, but you just can't and possibly doing the most foolish things. I care about people who are willing to realise their mistakes and turn back.

    Harsh words may be reality afterall, but how can you effective approach the troubled parties and make your words sensible to them?

    "You laughed at me çause I'm different; I laughed at you çause you're all the same."
    Last edited by remember_Cedric; 01-31-09 at 06:15 AM.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  10. #110
    Senior Member Radken's Avatar
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    Looking back on the posts I've made in here I can safely say they were more fueled by my emotions then backed up with actual logic. I can definitely see why some of you were unsure about my stance. But, after the last four days of deliberation I've gained a clearer perspective that what I'm doing cannot be justified. It affects everyone involved besides the person who is committing adultery and and the person with whom they are committing it with. I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't really take that factor much into consideration. I just wanted what I thought was my entitlement to happiness and if that meant wrecking some other guy's marriage then so be it. People are 50 percent more likely to get a divorce nowadays so what if I contributed to that by stealing someone's wife. They would've split up for another excuse anyway. But I can't continue with this anymore. It would be a stain on my conscious I can't ever wash off if I do. And what would that say about my character. Can I still be a good friend. Am I still trustworthy?

    pandamao, I know you don't like me very much right now but I just make it clear that there are no kids involved in my current situation. I would never cross that line. As a kid I was always afraid that my parents would get divorced. I never want to put other children through the same trauma. That is not even a discussion for me. However, I've slept with Jackie so maybe I'm already beyond the point of redemption. I'm sorry to have made you drudge up your past but in a way I'm kinda glad that you did because now I can see what I'm doing has tremendous repercussions.

    It's okay if I'm getting bashed on. Truthfully, all of you have been acting very civilized on this matter regardless if you think I deserved your consideration or not. I am messing with another man's wife and even though I could have substituted the words, "wanted", "desired", "infatuated" in the title of this thread those words would not have conveyed the full extent of what I'm doing. This wasn't an attempt to create a provocative topic to stir up controversy. I really was trying to ask you guys if adultery is acceptable in today's modern times. Stupid of me to have asked I know but I rather you guys focus on that then to argue among yourselves rather or not you should side with my story.

    Everyone here knows I'm the bad guy. Everyone here has their own approach to deal with that. That's fine. Lets not condemn each over it. I'm beginning to think I might have took advantage of a girl when she was at her most vulnerable and imposed my suppressed desires over her.

    Anyway, I'm gonna see Jackie today for lunch and tell her this cannot go further. I'm not going to ask her to leave her husband because I think deep down inside she might still have some feelings for him. I know this because she is not a heartless person.

    That's my rant for tonight. Have a good one.

  11. #111
    atlantean0208
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    I'm glad that you take a rational action on this - good luck with the meeting.
    Last edited by atlantean0208; 01-31-09 at 08:48 AM.

  12. #112
    Senior Member 999roses's Avatar
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    Good luck and seriously though, don't completely turn this ONLY into your fault. I always feel that the person IN the marriage is more at fault, female or male. She really should've known better, regardless if she was vulnerable or not.

    Just remember to be firm about it. She may try to pull you back, but if you're persistent, you can get over it. Good luck.

  13. #113
    Senior Member jiang bao's Avatar
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    Good luck Radken. I don't think most of us are judging you or condemning you for having feelings for this woman. It's more that we are concerned and wish that you don't go down that road. Hopefully you can end this on good terms and you can find someone eligible with whom you'll be happy.

    This just occurred to me as I was reading the past two pages of replies. I remember reading cases where some woman was cheating on her husband. Then when he caught them in the act, she screamed that she was being raped by her lover, and the husband shot and killed the guy.

    Things don't often turn out that extreme, but the point is that the woman, when caught, usually throws the other person under the bus so the third person will get the dirtiest when the proverbial sith hits the fan.

    In the woman in Radken's case, obviously I don't know her personally, but since she would not consider separation ostensibly for fear of stigma and/or religious reasons yet at the same time is willing to commit/consider adultery, I wouldn't count on her to have my back in crunch time.
    What are you fighting for? Just mix them into pissing beef balls, stupid.
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  14. #114
    Senior Member pandamao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    Looking back on the posts I've made in here I can safely say they were more fueled by my emotions then backed up with actual logic. I can definitely see why some of you were unsure about my stance. But, after the last four days of deliberation I've gained a clearer perspective that what I'm doing cannot be justified. It affects everyone involved besides the person who is committing adultery and and the person with whom they are committing it with. I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't really take that factor much into consideration. I just wanted what I thought was my entitlement to happiness and if that meant wrecking some other guy's marriage then so be it. People are 50 percent more likely to get a divorce nowadays so what if I contributed to that by stealing someone's wife. They would've split up for another excuse anyway. But I can't continue with this anymore. It would be a stain on my conscious I can't ever wash off if I do. And what would that say about my character. Can I still be a good friend. Am I still trustworthy?

    pandamao, I know you don't like me very much right now but I just make it clear that there are no kids involved in my current situation. I would never cross that line. As a kid I was always afraid that my parents would get divorced. I never want to put other children through the same trauma. That is not even a discussion for me. However, I've slept with Jackie so maybe I'm already beyond the point of redemption. I'm sorry to have made you drudge up your past but in a way I'm kinda glad that you did because now I can see what I'm doing has tremendous repercussions.

    It's okay if I'm getting bashed on. Truthfully, all of you have been acting very civilized on this matter regardless if you think I deserved your consideration or not. I am messing with another man's wife and even though I could have substituted the words, "wanted", "desired", "infatuated" in the title of this thread those words would not have conveyed the full extent of what I'm doing. This wasn't an attempt to create a provocative topic to stir up controversy. I really was trying to ask you guys if adultery is acceptable in today's modern times. Stupid of me to have asked I know but I rather you guys focus on that then to argue among yourselves rather or not you should side with my story.

    Everyone here knows I'm the bad guy. Everyone here has their own approach to deal with that. That's fine. Lets not condemn each over it. I'm beginning to think I might have took advantage of a girl when she was at her most vulnerable and imposed my suppressed desires over her.

    Anyway, I'm gonna see Jackie today for lunch and tell her this cannot go further. I'm not going to ask her to leave her husband because I think deep down inside she might still have some feelings for him. I know this because she is not a heartless person.

    That's my rant for tonight. Have a good one.
    I'm not the perfect person either but I do wish for perfection on others because the more I demand perfection from them, the closer they get to a better person.

    Glad to know you finally made the right decision and I hope you can endure the pain you will experience down the road. Good Luck.

    To all - no matter what the temptations are, please don't get involved. It hurts beyond the 3 parties.
    Hatred is a curve blade. The harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves.

    i tell you, some ppl argue for the sake of arguing.

  15. #115
    Senior Member john-e's Avatar
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    As I was reading these posts, I was half-expecting to find Radken in serious trouble by the end. It sounds like he's on the right track now by my standards. Although I do respect a person's right to make their own choice and maybe learn from their own actions. There is no better teacher than experience, assuming all involved survive it.

    From the 'been there, done that' files, I don't think it is ever okay to mess with another man's woman, married or not (unless you have his permission which is an entirely different matter). I'm an idiot so it took two disasters to teach me this lesson.

    As others have said, it's probably best to let her get her own affairs in order before starting one with you. If she wants to be with you bad enough, she'll get it done. The question you should be asking is, if she's the type of person who is willing to mess around while she's with another guy, can you ever really trust her? The answer should guide your actions.

    All in all, I think Radken has a decent head on his shoulders and I wish you all the best, whatever happens. Just in case, my advise is the old standard: Life is rough, wear a helmet.
    john-e

    Sixty years ago I knew nothing; now I know nothing; education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance. - Will Durant

  16. #116
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pandamao View Post
    I'm not the perfect person either but I do wish for perfection on others because the more I demand perfection from them, the closer they get to a better person.

    Glad to know you finally made the right decision and I hope you can endure the pain you will experience down the road. Good Luck.

    To all - no matter what the temptations are, please don't get involved. It hurts beyond the 3 parties.
    I don't think it is fair to expect perfection from others when you are not perfect yourself. Also, NOTHING and NO ONE is perfect so I think expecting perfection is not fair nor is it realistic.

    To Radken,
    Sorry if I sounded harsh or anything. I just wanted to offer you advice and sometimes advice will sound unpleasant, especially in your situation. However, I wish you the best regardless of what you decide to do. Take care!
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  17. #117
    Senior Member HuangYushi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    Looking back on the posts I've made in here I can safely say they were more fueled by my emotions then backed up with actual logic. I can definitely see why some of you were unsure about my stance. But, after the last four days of deliberation I've gained a clearer perspective that what I'm doing cannot be justified. It affects everyone involved besides the person who is committing adultery and and the person with whom they are committing it with. I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't really take that factor much into consideration. I just wanted what I thought was my entitlement to happiness and if that meant wrecking some other guy's marriage then so be it.

    <snip>

    Anyway, I'm gonna see Jackie today for lunch and tell her this cannot go further. I'm not going to ask her to leave her husband because I think deep down inside she might still have some feelings for him. I know this because she is not a heartless person.
    Radken, here's a pat on your back and a big hug from me to you. I've refrained from responding to this thread because I didn't want to repeat the constructive advice that many posters have given you on this issue. Nevertheless, I'm very happy and comforted that through your posting of this thread and the responses that the thread have generated, you have been able to come to an understanding and a decision that - in your own opinion - is best for all the parties involved, at this point in time. That, I think, is most important, as the impetus, reasoning and conviction to act must come from inside you, and you alone.

    Radken, if things don't go as you hope and if Jackie doesn't see things from your point of understanding, please do remember that all of us here in the forums are standing by you and the decision that you have taken. Stand firm and all the best!

    HYS
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  18. #118
    Senior Member GuGu's Avatar
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    i'm glad we can point you in the right direction radken.
    that was a lot of hard work! gonna go find some candy to eat.

  19. #119
    Senior Member pandamao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    I don't think it is fair to expect perfection from others when you are not perfect yourself. Also, NOTHING and NO ONE is perfect so I think expecting perfection is not fair nor is it realistic.
    Shoot for the moon and if you don't make it, you'll at least be among the stars. I'm not going to throw a tantrum at every friend that decided to lie instead of fessing up but I will tell them what the right decision would be. All friends should be the same, no? As a friend, it's my responsibility to let them know what the right choice is - and I do expect them to take that path. The right choice will always guide them to less suffering in the long run.

    Trinie, I'm quite a demanding person - so I expect my group of friends to withhold the highest integrity and loyalty. I like to flock with birds that share the same mentality as I, otherwise I'd fall to evil-doing.

    That's how I am, perhaps not realistic but so far in my twenty something years of life - I have yet to fail.
    Hatred is a curve blade. The harm we do to others, we also do to ourselves.

    i tell you, some ppl argue for the sake of arguing.

  20. #120
    Senior Member 999roses's Avatar
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    And how exactly do you know what the "right" thing is all the time? Because there is always one perfect solution to everything?

    Just because it is your opinion doesn't mean it's the best solution for the friend at the time.

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