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Thread: Is it wrong to mess with another man's wife?

  1. #41
    Senior Member yittz's Avatar
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    Raddie, when you have Candide, TC, Ken Cheng, Flying Fox, Cedric, and godforbid roses all agreeing with each other, that must be the correct solution. When Candide is telling you not to screw a person, then don't do it.

    If you want to be a good friend go ahead. But don't get too emotionally evolved - it's her problem, not yours; and definitely don't get romantically and sexually involved.

    You may think we don't understand as we don't know the whole story, but neither do you.

  2. #42
    Senior Member Radken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atlantean0208 View Post
    It seems you already decided what you want to do. Why you're bother to ask for people opinion in the first place
    That's what I'm doing in present. I'm not so sure about the future. I came in here hoping to hear both sides of the argument but all you guys are good decent people so I haven't heard much of the other side. I guess I'm just trying to reflect on the last couple of months and hear some of your thoughts and perhaps get a free pass along the way.

    ...

  3. #43
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    I'm not letting her slip past my grasp. I've to be doing something right.
    Raddie, under this circumstances that you're in, you have 2 choices (as far as I can see, after a much drained day at work)

    1) would you rather want to be Selfish, have you two be together, run on an escapeť (likely an unstable life), but bearing a bad name from hurting people emotionally, suffering from your consciences haunted by other possible problems? Don't forget that you may get your surrounding people/loved ones involved too.

    or

    2) bear the short term pain; let go, but at least your both consciences will be clear, free from the above problems and be happy about a courageous choice made? Be there for her as a friend. Avoid seeing each other but keep contact via mail or something?

    This is a fatal seduction, my friend. Don't act on impulse than you already have. Think twice, think wise. Think straight!

    P/s: Sorry if this may sound harsh, no offence but a reminder, ok?

    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    That's what I'm doing in present. I'm not so sure about the future. I came in here hoping to hear both sides of the argument but all you guys are good decent people so I haven't heard much of the other side. I guess I'm just trying to reflect on the last couple of months and hear some of your thoughts and perhaps get a free pass along the way.

    ...
    Raddie, I'm not sure if I'm fit enough to advice you of what's on the other side of the coin, when I've encounter and been involved in a situation nearly similar to this triangle of yours.

    That is a family too, with a pair of brilliant children. Leave aside that they're cute. I didn't defend the lady because the children were cute, but I stand up to bring this guy back to his senses because I know him for nearly 8 years and I never forget his plans, told to me in the early years, for his children. I could just leave the position selfishly (not helping either party) because I'm not their family member nor their kin but their employee. Because I was the best person to help this lady since she had to take care of her business in neighbouring country hence she can't afford to fly to and fro.

    The thing is, I've risk it to do what is right. Risked my ricebowl to go against my boss because he is fcuking the show up. As a friend, perhaps, I wouldn't want to see him cheated too because of a moment of folly. He didn't fire me because his conscience woke up, and now is peaceful (that moment of hell for me is over, I'm glad - Gawd! My bill went up too!).

    Remember this: In life, we have to be steady, even when times we needed to let go of what we desire most.
    Last edited by remember_Cedric; 01-29-09 at 07:29 AM.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

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  4. #44
    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yittz View Post
    Raddie, when you have Candide, TC, Ken Cheng, Flying Fox, Cedric, and godforbid roses all agreeing with each other, that must be the correct solution.
    Or a sign that the Apocalypse is finally here.

    When Candide is telling you not to screw a person...
    This is DEFINITELY a sign of the Apocalypse!

  5. #45
    atlantean0208
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    That's what I'm doing in present. I'm not so sure about the future. I came in here hoping to hear both sides of the argument but all you guys are good decent people so I haven't heard much of the other side. I guess I'm just trying to reflect on the last couple of months and hear some of your thoughts and perhaps get a free pass along the way.

    ...
    LOL - both side and good decent people, that's funny . I knew you have a good heart and intention for what you're doing. I myself also has a tendency to protect woman *in distress* but most of the time I ended messing up things instead - LOL that is another story.

    So that is what I, we here at SPCNET want to tell you. You're a friend and pardon me if I post harsh things before but this is the reality that you need to accept. You're playing with fire here, whatever your intention, in the end you will get burn by it or worst get shot by the husband.

  6. #46
    Senior Member Radken's Avatar
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    I appreciate all the input. Now I'm gonna go grab a drink and think hard on it. Good night.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Han Solo's Avatar
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    Radken,

    If you decide and go ahead, you need to tell her and listen to what she has to say about the whole thing.

    At this moment, we were only hearing what you felt the situation is and aren't too sure what she felt or wanted out of the whole thing.

    At the end of the day, as long as you and your partner are happy, that's all matters. The rest are just prices that you may need to pay.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bliss
    I think they're probably at the same level as or one level below Ah Qing, which is about the level of a 2nd or 3rd generation Quan Zhen disciple.
    Troll Control

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by atlantean0208 View Post
    It seems you already decided what you want to do. Why you're bother to ask for people opinion in the first place
    Radken, since you have decided, then go ahead. Of course, as many have indicated, there are consequences. Some are unknown - e.g. it may be a husband-wife con job?

    Nevertheless, you should tell her your feelings, suggesting what you want her to do.

  9. #49
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    Of Course...isn't it obvious? The morale of it is wrong...

  10. #50
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    I've waited so long and putted so much effort into trying to make this work and everyone here just wants me to move on. I'm not entirely sure she's using me but I guess I wouldn't know till I ride it out to the end. Maybe she just wants to be emotionally satisfied. And no, I'm not gonna sleep with other women to find if I truly in love. I'm not morally ambiguous to the contrary.
    Mate! You really should go get laid to get a clearer perspective. From what you posted in the other thread, sorry to say, but you've been a loner and a guy who has sweet fvck all options with women, so as soon as one shows you some affection, you fall head over heel for her, regardless of whether she's the right one for you. I'm telling you, once you've experienced other women, you WILL get a more realistic look at this and will get over this one easily. Right now, you have what is called "oneitis", an extreme infatuation, a disease of the mind that occurs to a guy who idolises some random woman in his life that he seemingly has a good chance at intimacy with, as he has few or no other choices.

    Fun question, if God is against adultery then why did he impregnate Mary with Jesus?
    Cos he's the friggin' God. What can that chump John do to him? If I were God, I'd bang more than just one pretty virgin wife of another chump.

    Quote Originally Posted by yittz
    When Candide is telling you not to screw a person...
    Mate, I tell you lot to go get laid, not to stick your d1ck in anything female that has a pulse. I love many women (and will love them in many positions) but not all! Feminazis & fat chicks need not apply!
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

  11. #51
    atlantean0208
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candide View Post
    Feminazis & fat chicks need not apply!
    Yay - I also don't want that . Please God, have mercy and prevent me from meeting those kind of chicks, especially the feminazis, whatever that is - Amen

  12. #52
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    We have already reached the point where we can't go back and be friends anymore. When we first met I was infatuated with her for six months. But eventually those feelings subsided because nothing happened. We would only say hi and good-bye to each other and never talk about anything except for stuff on the surface level. Sometimes it felt like I scared her or she was just tolerating my existence because we were lab partners. Then one day something happened. We started chatting with each other more, privy to each other's personal information, even flirting. We became each other's best friends. Eventually I asked her why she was acting so cold and distant to me in the beginning. She told me it was because she was married (I wasn't aware at the time because there's no ring on her finger) and her husband does not like it when she talks to other men. One time all her and her husband's friends were invited to celebrate her husband business venture into computer network services. When I arrived we couldn't keep our eyes off of each other. And when we talked you can tell we enjoyed each other's company. Some of the guests were even teasing if we were brother and sister.

    I've waited so long and putted so much effort into trying to make this work and everyone here just wants me to move on. I'm not entirely sure she's using me but I guess I wouldn't know till I ride it out to the end. Maybe she just wants to be emotionally satisfied. And no, I'm not gonna sleep with other women to find if I truly in love. I'm not morally ambiguous to the contrary.

    Fun question, if God is against adultery then why did he impregnate Mary with Jesus?
    IT seems like you already know what you want to do, then why are you asking everyone for their opinion?? You can do what you like, but I still feel it is wise for you to wait to see if she will leave or divorce her husband first... Oh, so she was in the type of "deal" marriage(which is she came from a poor family and married a guy just to come to the US or some other reason, not due to love). If that is the case, then that is HER problem that she needs to deal with, not yours. You can be by her side and offer her advice as a friend, but nothing more.

    I don't think it is wise to bring religion into this discussion since some people are VERY religious that it may offend them. I personally am not christian/catholic nor am I religious. However, it is better for you not to talk about it.
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  13. #53
    Senior Member jiang bao's Avatar
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    This has nothing to do with religion. You shouldn't do this whether you are religious or not.
    What are you fighting for? Just mix them into pissing beef balls, stupid.
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  14. #54
    Member jsamador's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    Speaking of sob stories...

    There's a reason why she can't leave her marriage. When Jackie was little and living in the Philippines her mother died. Not long afterward her father remarried. Her new stepmom then prearranged for her to be wed to her cousin's son, Diego. Her cousin owned a business selling furniture while her husband sell stones to build houses. They were a well off family so the father naturally accepted. Years later Diego was able to enter into the Untied States and have Jackie sent over as well. From there she was able to finish school and no longer has to live with her stepmom whom she doesn't get along very well with. So even though she was forced into a loveless marriage she still feels indebted to him to stay. She told me this story way back when we were starting to know each other and on every mother's day she would seem awfully sad. She promised me that we will go visit her mother's grave when we go to Boracay this summer so I see no reason not to believe her about that.

    I think if I ask her to get a divorce she ultimately would. But she'll be making a huge sacrifice. All her friends and family would hate her especially if they find out why. She'll no doubt come out worse out of the ordeal than I would. I think it's a decision she should make herself rather than me forcing it on her.
    Well, I have to stand up for my fellow Filipino. Choose your happiness my friend. If a Filipina loves you, you'll certainly be in good hands. But being the third part as of the moment will blur things. take a step back and reflect.

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    IT seems like you already know what you want to do, then why are you asking everyone for their opinion?? You can do what you like, but I still feel it is wise for you to wait to see if she will leave or divorce her husband first... Oh, so she was in the type of "deal" marriage(which is she came from a poor family and married a guy just to come to the US or some other reason, not due to love). If that is the case, then that is HER problem that she needs to deal with, not yours. You can be by her side and offer her advice as a friend, but nothing more.
    I think that is the likely scenario. I don't think she is a victim here. Another thing Radken should think about is "If she is capable of leaving her husband for you, then she will be capable of leaving you for another guy".

    I don't think it is wise to bring religion into this discussion since some people are VERY religious that it may offend them. I personally am not christian/catholic nor am I religious. However, it is better for you not to talk about it.
    I myself an atheist and I agree that this problem has nothing to do with religion. My advice to him is "Do not be a third person, get out of this as soon as possible. The current situation can only bring you harm, nothing good will come out of this. Don't be the next Ron Goldman!"

    Good luck.

  16. #56
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jiang bao View Post
    This has nothing to do with religion. You shouldn't do this whether you are religious or not.
    I know this has nothing to do with religion, but since he mentioned about God making Mary pregnant so I just told him that it was wise for him not to ask that. Believe it or not, some people that are hardcore religious may get overly emotional about it.

    The whole point is, Radken should NOT go through with this...It will not do him any good at all...
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  17. #57
    atlantean0208
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    I think we all already done talking what we think about this, our opinion etc. Please don't make it harder for the guy. I know we can just talk, but he is the one in a tight situation. I'm sure he really love the woman and sincere in helping her. He is just prolly doing it in a wrong way. So I think we should stop all the harsh comment.

    Raddie prolly just want to ask our honest opinion, but the way he created the thread title is not helping and just making us all mad at him LOL. I mean the word *mess* is already a bad word.

    Anyway Love always make people do *crazy* things and clouded their judgment. Most of the time doing something that is irrational to the eyes of others. There are people who is *crazy* enough to live in a long cycle of waiting or unashamedly begging for forgiveness over and over and then keep screwing up LOL.

    my 2 cent.
    Last edited by atlantean0208; 01-30-09 at 03:37 AM.

  18. #58
    Senior Member Radken's Avatar
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    Sorry about some of the things I said. Debating has never been one of my strong suits. In retrospect I should've asked everyone if they themselves think adultery is wrong rather than "what would you do in my situation." Also, sometimes I like to be tongue in cheek so I add in non sequitur questions like the one about God earlier. I couldn't care any less about that so I hope no one took me seriously or got too offended. I wasn't too sure what I wanted to do before. I was conflicted. On one hand it's wrong to commit adultery, on another I really don't want to let her go. My mentality was, although I shouldn't impede on another man's happiness I don't see why his would be more important than my own. But I gotta face the inevitable, this is not gonna work. She's such an innocent girl. I don't want her to look back and regret about what she did. I'm going to have to end this eventually... fvck... I'm wondering how I'm gonna do it. I can't just say lets break up.

  19. #59
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Radken View Post
    Sorry about some of the things I said. Debating has never been one of my strong suits. In retrospect I should've asked everyone if they themselves think adultery is wrong rather than "what would you do in my situation." Also, sometimes I like to be tongue in cheek so I add in non sequitur questions like the one about God earlier. I couldn't care any less about that so I hope no one took me seriously or got too offended. I wasn't too sure what I wanted to do before. I was conflicted. On one hand it's wrong to commit adultery, on another I really don't want to let her go. My mentality was, although I shouldn't impede on another man's happiness I don't see why his would be important than my own. But I gotta face the inevitable, this is not gonna work. She's such an innocent girl. I don't want her to look back and regret about what she did. I'm going to have to end this eventually... fvck... I'm wondering how I'm gonna do it. I can't just say lets break up.
    Everyone is entitled to have happiness. Definitely. But you should try not to achieve it at the expense of others.

    Because she's still legally 'tied' to her husband, she has got to make a choice and so do you.

    I just hope nobody's going to get hurt from this.
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  20. #60
    Senior Member Han Solo's Avatar
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    I can't just say lets break up.
    Say:Lets be friend forever?

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    Quote Originally Posted by bliss
    I think they're probably at the same level as or one level below Ah Qing, which is about the level of a 2nd or 3rd generation Quan Zhen disciple.
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