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Thread: Feeling old?

  1. #21
    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Batman View Post
    I think that without some source of external validation, any self-image is constructed on a shaky foundation and will collapse more easily under pressure.

    true were are human being and we like to move as a crowd so ofcourse it's important to get recognized by others.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    Oh I know that... But luckily, I usually don't have to ask. The guys always ask me first..I am also extroverted and friendly, so people always approach me... Yea, I need to concentrate on career at the moment since that is what is stressing me out the most. That is why my family and friends constantly bother me about, NOT love at all.... well, my sister in law's bother me about it more than anyone and it upsets my mom.
    good for you im introverted and really don't like to talk about things that im not interested.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Yeung Gor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    I totally agree with you.. But you know, it seems so easy for some people but really hard for others. Honestly, the relationship/marriage of people are separated by just a threadline... Like one of my friends, she never dated and never went out since her parents are strict. She then married a guy with an arranged marriage and thinks she is lucky. I think she is pathetic though...She did not even know the guy at all and just married him... I agree with you that if I can find the right one, then I think I may have to be single all my life as well... But it is all dependent on fate. However, I think guys have more time than girls since girls have to have kids... My mom does not pressure me in terms of love, but she does in terms of career. She says that she is embarrassed by me since everywhere I go, people always ask if I have found a job and my mom has to hide her face... I have plans of going abroad, but can't go at the moment yet... I guess I have hold it all in for now and then people will see what I am made of...
    Yea. I went through that phase when I couldn't find a career and my mom would come to my room and bug me about it. She tries to throw different career ideas into my head. At that time I just told her that if I don't have any interest in those fields I would not be happy even if I succeed. I will eventually quit the job so I have to wait til I find something that interest me. It took a long time, but I did find a career that works for me. I'm now off on my own. I did hate the fact that Asian parents seems to care a lot about their image in regards to the success of their kids. I think it's stupid. Let the kids find their own path. Not everyone shares the same idea of success, money doesn't necessarily equate happiness. I'm lucky that my parents are ultimately supportive of my decisions.

    You are right that men has more time. Having kids is nice, but if by the time I meet the right girl and she can't have kids, I won't mind at all.
    Last edited by Yeung Gor; 04-30-09 at 03:24 AM.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exodus View Post
    good for you im introverted and really don't like to talk about things that im not interested.
    Yea, I am very extroverted and really friendly. I can talk to pretty much anyone... I also not so bad looking so guys and girls approach me... I smile A LOT too...
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yeung Gor View Post
    Yea. I went through that phase when I couldn't find a career and my mom would come to my room and bug me about it. She tries to throw different career ideas into my head. At that time I just told her that if I don't have any interest in those fields I would not be happy even if I succeed. I will eventually quit the job so I have to wait til I find something that interest me. It took a long time, but I did find a career that works for me. I'm now off on my own. I did hate the fact that Asian parents seems to care a lot about their image in regards to the success of their kids. I think it's stupid. Let the kids find their own path. Not everyone shares the same idea of success, money doesn't necessarily equate happiness. I'm lucky that my parents are ultimately supportive of my decisions.

    You are right that men has more time. Having kids is nice, but if by the time I meet the right girl and she can't have kids, I won't mind at all.
    With my case it is a bit different... I already have a career choice and my degrees and everything... It's just that i have no experience so can't find a job here. BUT, there are plenty abroad. My mom sort of approved of me going, but I can't go at the moment since my family has to move soon. I usually do most of the work and my mom needs me here to do the work. After that, I will go back to planning for my job.. The good thing is that my mom does not bother me about it on a day to day basis. But my stupd relatives do... I don't care at all what they think, but it is so irritating and puts pressure on me. My mom was against my career choice but she supports me now since she has no choice...I totally agree with you. My mom is sort of like that, but she is less severe about it than my uncles and aunts. I am glad your parents support you.Yea, asian parents care a lot about money.Money does not always buy happiness.I think that is really stupid too. How long did it take you to change your career??

    The main thing about having kids is that you will have someone to take care of you when you are old. I now see old people with no kids... No one takes care of them and it is really sad.... One of my aunts cannot have kids but married a great guy. But sadly, she married him at 43!! It was not her age though. She had an illness that did not allow her to have kids.
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Yeung Gor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    With my case it is a bit different... I already have a career choice and my degrees and everything... It's just that i have no experience so can't find a job here. BUT, there are plenty abroad. My mom sort of approved of me going, but I can't go at the moment since my family has to move soon. I usually do most of the work and my mom needs me here to do the work. After that, I will go back to planning for my job.. The good thing is that my mom does not bother me about it on a day to day basis. But my stupd relatives do... I don't care at all what they think, but it is so irritating and puts pressure on me. My mom was against my career choice but she supports me now since she has no choice...I totally agree with you. My mom is sort of like that, but she is less severe about it than my uncles and aunts. I am glad your parents support you.Yea, asian parents care a lot about money.Money does not always buy happiness.I think that is really stupid too. How long did it take you to change your career??

    The main thing about having kids is that you will have someone to take care of you when you are old. I now see old people with no kids... No one takes care of them and it is really sad.... One of my aunts cannot have kids but married a great guy. But sadly, she married him at 43!! It was not her age though. She had an illness that did not allow her to have kids.
    It took me several years and when I finally attain it, I felt really proud of myself. I didn't do it to show anyone, but it was just for me.

    You shouldn't feel sad for old people with no kids, as long as they themselves are happy, that's all that matters. Even some old people who do have kids die alone because their kids are too busy with their own life and families to look after them. That's why alot of them have caretakers or live in those Old Folks home, although this is more of an American thing. I know Asian families tend to take more care of their grandparents. Also depend on where you retire, some small towns look after the elderly.

  7. #27
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    I totally agree with you.. But you know, it seems so easy for some people but really hard for others. Honestly, the relationship/marriage of people are separated by just a threadline... Like one of my friends, she never dated and never went out since her parents are strict. She then married a guy with an arranged marriage and thinks she is lucky. I think she is pathetic though...She did not even know the guy at all and just married him... I agree with you that if I can find the right one, then I think I may have to be single all my life as well... But it is all dependent on fate. However, I think guys have more time than girls since girls have to have kids... My mom does not pressure me in terms of love, but she does in terms of career. She says that she is embarrassed by me since everywhere I go, people always ask if I have found a job and my mom has to hide her face... I have plans of going abroad, but can't go at the moment yet... I guess I have hold it all in for now and then people will see what I am made of...
    you've probably mentioned before, but what is your "career path" again?
    and if you're having difficulty finding a job because you have no experience, why didn't you take advantage of your college years to build them? i'm sure there were many opportunities like internships, co-op, etc..


    anyways, i personally feel old already. i don't want to graduate from school and deal with ******** work everyday i don't want to grow old and have saggy body parts and wrinkles i want to stay young and look good forever.
    from now on, i plan to hide my age. every year when i celebrate my birthday, it's my 18th bithrday no matter what. i told my friends that; they think i'm crazy. i tell them **** you and watch me
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  8. #28
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    I'm sort of lucky because my parents stopped bothering me about my career choice since my second year in university. I pretty much told them I didn't want to be a doctor, and that was it. I started doing my own thing, and now I'm doing fairly well in it. I guess my parents stopped bothering me, because I've explained my career path to them, and they know that I know what I'm doing. So as long as I don't engage in any sort of self-destruction, I should be fine.

    As for marriage and love, my parents left me alone too, because I've been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend, so my parents aren't concerned about that either.
    Last edited by xJadedx; 04-30-09 at 02:48 PM.
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  9. #29
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yeung Gor View Post
    It took me several years and when I finally attain it, I felt really proud of myself. I didn't do it to show anyone, but it was just for me.

    You shouldn't feel sad for old people with no kids, as long as they themselves are happy, that's all that matters. Even some old people who do have kids die alone because their kids are too busy with their own life and families to look after them. That's why alot of them have caretakers or live in those Old Folks home, although this is more of an American thing. I know Asian families tend to take more care of their grandparents. Also depend on where you retire, some small towns look after the elderly.
    Yea, I totally agree with you. I am doing everything more for myself, but also for my mom so that she can feel proud of me too. As for my relatives, I don't care about them at all but I do want to rub in their face for all of the times that they put me down and embarrassed my mom.I can tell that my mom is not happy with me now, but I hope to make her proud soon.

    I guess you are right.. When one of my grandpa's sisters passed away, most of her kids were not even by her side. She was mostly in the home by herself and felt really sad... I guess some are lucky to have family by their side though.
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kay &!* View Post
    you've probably mentioned before, but what is your "career path" again?
    and if you're having difficulty finding a job because you have no experience, why didn't you take advantage of your college years to build them? i'm sure there were many opportunities like internships, co-op, etc..


    anyways, i personally feel old already. i don't want to graduate from school and deal with ******** work everyday i don't want to grow old and have saggy body parts and wrinkles i want to stay young and look good forever.
    from now on, i plan to hide my age. every year when i celebrate my birthday, it's my 18th bithrday no matter what. i told my friends that; they think i'm crazy. i tell them **** you and watch me
    My career path is teaching English. Actually,you make things sound very simple. I can tell you that I always went to school full time, even when I was in grad school so I did not have much time to do other stuff. I did do some internships and stuff, but I can tell you that it was not enough experience and was really minimal.Plus, most people played me and gave me no opportunities at all. Most of the jobs in my field here require at least 2-3 or 3-4 years of teaching experience at least. The only way I can get that is to go overseas. I have had my fortune told and they said that that is something in my fate that I cannot avoid. I can see how it all ties together now..I usually don't believe in that stuff, but I do in terms of my career to some extent. He also said that I will meet and fall in love with 2 guys at the same time.. Now, I wonder if that will happen? I guess I will not know until I go abroad...

    Why do you need to hide your age for?? I never hide mine at all.. People are surprised when I tell them my age... I have a problem with people hiding their age since they are not being true to themselves or others... Who can avoid becoming old??
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  11. #31
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    My career path is teaching English. Actually,you make things sound very simple. I can tell you that I always went to school full time, even when I was in grad school so I did not have much time to do other stuff. I did do some internships and stuff, but I can tell you that it was not enough experience and was really minimal.Plus, most people played me and gave me no opportunities at all. Most of the jobs in my field here require at least 2-3 or 3-4 years of teaching experience at least. The only way I can get that is to go overseas. I have had my fortune told and they said that that is something in my fate that I cannot avoid. I can see how it all ties together now..I usually don't believe in that stuff, but I do in terms of my career to some extent. He also said that I will meet and fall in love with 2 guys at the same time.. Now, I wonder if that will happen? I guess I will not know until I go abroad...

    Why do you need to hide your age for?? I never hide mine at all.. People are surprised when I tell them my age... I have a problem with people hiding their age since they are not being true to themselves or others... Who can avoid becoming old??
    i noticed you said TEACHING english, so that's what you ultimately want to do, right? and im guessing you went to school as an english major? if that's the case, why don't you look into other careers related into English for the time being, such as an editor or publisher/literary agent. those are not directly related to being an "english teacher" but they certainly count as valuable experience. it's like saying i want to be "finance manager" when i grow up, but for the time being, i'll work as a bank teller part-time while i'm in school. i'm sure future employers will just appreciate the fact that you've put in an effort of what you are capable of getting, in terms of experience. and then when you are able to go overseas, just quit the job here

    and oh, i don't know, i just dont want to grow old i do it as a kidding around thing when i lie about my age but others believe it since i look younger than i am.

    -----------
    if i am unable to get a job after graduating college, i don't think i could help myself but feel like i ****ed up. i know it doesn't matter to others and things eventually work out for them, but it were to hit me, i'd feel shameful. i think a little of it has to do with my family (parents and older brothers). they're typical asian parents that rely on their kid's successes and status for their 'face' but, i understand how they feel that way..ish. but most of it just has to do with the way i see myself. i know experience is extremely important, so i'm going to definitely try to get as much as i can. hopefully, i'd do an superb job in co-op and get a job offer even before i graduate. hehehe
    Last edited by kay &!*; 04-30-09 at 05:15 PM.
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  12. #32
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kay &!* View Post
    i noticed you said TEACHING english, so that's what you ultimately want to do, right? and im guessing you went to school as an english major? if that's the case, why don't you look into other careers related into English for the time being, such as an editor or publisher/literary agent. those are not directly related to being an "english teacher" but they certainly count as valuable experience. it's like saying i want to be "finance manager" when i grow up, but for the time being, i'll work as a bank teller part-time while i'm in school. i'm sure future employers will just appreciate the fact that you've put in an effort of what you are capable of getting, in terms of experience. and then when you are able to go overseas, just quit the job here

    and oh, i don't know, i just dont want to grow old i do it as a kidding around thing when i lie about my age but others believe it since i look younger than i am.

    -----------
    if i am unable to get a job after graduating college, i don't think i could help myself but feel like i ****ed up. i know it doesn't matter to others and things eventually work out for them, but it were to hit me, i'd feel shameful. i think a little of it has to do with my family (parents and older brothers). they're typical asian parents that rely on their kid's successes and status for their 'face' but, i understand how they feel that way..ish. but most of it just has to do with the way i see myself. i know experience is extremely important, so i'm going to definitely try to get as much as i can. hopefully, i'd do an superb job in co-op and get a job offer even before i graduate. hehehe
    That is true, but the thing is.. I have options.. It's not like I don't.. Plus, with the bad economy like this, do you truly think it is THAT easy to find a job like that?? Also, my dream is to go abroad so IF I found a job here, my family will then not let me go and I will be really sad.At the moment, they also really need me so I want to be there for them until we are done moving so that I can finally go. I am able to go at anytime, but during the last few months, I didn't feel ready and now my family needs me so I just want to help them before I go...
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  13. #33
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    That is true, but the thing is.. I have options.. It's not like I don't.. Plus, with the bad economy like this, do you truly think it is THAT easy to find a job like that?? Also, my dream is to go abroad so IF I found a job here, my family will then not let me go and I will be really sad.At the moment, they also really need me so I want to be there for them until we are done moving so that I can finally go. I am able to go at anytime, but during the last few months, I didn't feel ready and now my family needs me so I just want to help them before I go...
    what do you mean by having "options"? having the option of either being "jobless" here or "working abroad"?
    i'm aware of the economic situation we are going through, so no, i don't think it's THAT easy. however, since you mentioned turning 30*, you had plenty of opportunities to land a job before this economic crisis. you probably graduated at 21/22, plus graduate school would be another 2..3..even 4 years. so 26 at latest; why didn't you decide to look for a job 4 years ago when the recession hasn't hit us as hard?
    i understand that your dream job is to "teach english" and "to go abroad". i just don't understand why you would rather wait around and do nothing until you CAN go abroad when instead, you can work at a some-what related job as a temporary thing.
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  14. #34
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kay &!* View Post
    what do you mean by having "options"? having the option of either being "jobless" here or "working abroad"?
    i'm aware of the economic situation we are going through, so no, i don't think it's THAT easy. however, since you mentioned turning 30*, you had plenty of opportunities to land a job before this economic crisis. you probably graduated at 21/22, plus graduate school would be another 2..3..even 4 years. so 26 at latest; why didn't you decide to look for a job 4 years ago when the recession hasn't hit us as hard?
    i understand that your dream job is to "teach english" and "to go abroad". i just don't understand why you would rather wait around and do nothing until you CAN go abroad when instead, you can work at a some-what related job as a temporary thing.
    Boy you are REALLY lost.. No, I just got my masters when I was 29!!! You don't know anything do you??There are also many many others that are in their 50s that have not gotten their BA for gods sake. Also, you cannot always determine when a person graduated based on their age.A lot of my friends did not even get their BA/BS until they were in their late 20s. When I went to grad school, there was a lady in her 70s that was still fighting to get her masters degree.I also went to grad school 2 times since I did not get my degree the first time around(long story but I don't think I want to repeat it). I did work as a tutor but I don't want to do that forever ok? Geez, you really don't understand my situation at all. Plus, I went through many many years of school and really needed a break since all of those years of school really wore me down physically and mentally... WHo said that I would rather sit around and do nothing? I always have something to do since my family always needs me but they will have to let me go soon.. I can tell you that it is NOT fun being unemployed and being poked fun at everywhere I go.... You really don't understand....You are starting to become like TC...

    Also, I have been fighting with my family to let me go.. It is still really hard... They are soo overprotective of me... They are still kind of not letting me go and it is really upsetting me... You honestly, don't understand what i am going through so I advise you not to jump to conclusions like TC.
    Last edited by Trinie; 04-30-09 at 10:42 PM.
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  15. #35
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinie View Post
    Boy you are REALLY lost.. No, I just got my masters when I was 29!!! You don't know anything do you??There are also many many others that are in their 50s that have not gotten their BA for gods sake. Also, you cannot determine when a person graduated based on their age. When I went to grad school, there was a lady in her 70s that was still fighting to get her masters degree.I also went to grad school 2 times since I did not get my degree the first time around(long story but I don't think I want to repeat it). I did work as a tutor but I don't want to do that forever ok? Geez, you really don't understand my situation at all. Plus, I went through many many years of school and really needed a break since all of those years of school really wore me down physically and mentally... WHo said that I would rather sit around and do nothing? I always have something to do since my family always needs me but they will have to let me go soon.. I can tell you that it is NOT fun being unemployed and being poked fun at everywhere I go.... You really don't understand....You are starting to become like TC...
    i'm sorry but don't ****ing compare me to TC
    you're right, i don't understand your situation because i hardly know you. you expect me to know your life story through a few simple posts on spcnet?!?
    i go to college too, so i'm aware that age is not important here.. unlike highschool where all students are of the same age. i was just using it as an example to point out that you probably had time-gaps in between the time you graduated school and now to look for a job. but since you put it that way, i guess you were unable to due to school and helping out your family?
    who said you had to be a tutor forever?
    and about your family needing your help.. that kinds of contradict with the way they have been "nagging" to you to find a job. if that's the case, shouldn't they be aware of your situation and appreciate you for sticking around? why would they turn around and pressure you instead?

    i'm not trying to "poke fun" of you it may seem like i'm coming off the wrong way, but i'm just trying to see where you are coming from because i don't understand how someone can have a hard time getting a job, even if it's not her "dream job". you're obviously well-educated and like you said, extroverted, friendly, and decent looking.
    and what more could a parent want for their child than them being successful and happy at whatever theyre doing? if that's the case, why would your parents "want" to keep you around to help out--whatever the "help" may be, than to let you go and pursue your goals?
    Last edited by kay &!*; 04-30-09 at 11:01 PM. Reason: typo
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  16. #36
    Senior Member Ghaleon's Avatar
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    damn. the block style is back haha. thanks to Trinie

  17. #37
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghaleon View Post
    damn. the block style is back haha. thanks to Trinie
    block style? what are you referring to, the ***? if that's the case, it's always been around..just limited
    btw, thank you for your message. some reason, i can't write on your visitor message wall.
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  18. #38
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kay &!* View Post
    i'm sorry but don't ****ing compare me to TC
    you're right, i don't understand your situation because i hardly know you. you expect me to know your life story through a few simple posts on spcnet?!?
    i go to college too, so i'm aware that age is not important here.. unlike highschool where all students are of the same age. i was just using it as an example to point out that you probably had time-gaps in between the time you graduated school and now to look for a job. but since you put it that way, i guess you were unable to due to school and helping out your family?
    who said you had to be a tutor forever?
    and about your family needing your help.. that kinds of contradict with the way they have been "nagging" to you to find a job. if that's the case, shouldn't they be aware of your situation and appreciate you for sticking around? why would they turn around and pressure you instead?

    i'm not trying to "poke fun" of you it may seem like i'm coming off the wrong way, but i'm just trying to see where you are coming from because i don't understand how someone can have a hard time getting a job, even if it's not her "dream job". you're obviously well-educated and like you said, extroverted, friendly, and decent looking.
    and what more could a parent want for their child than them being successful and happy at whatever theyre doing? if that's the case, why would your parents "want" to keep you around to help out--whatever the "help" may be, than to let you go and pursue your goals?
    Sorry did not mean to compare you to TC since he really makes no sense. My situation is more complicated than you think. Well, I can't say parents anymore since my dad passed away over 5 years ago when I was attending grad school the first time around. It really hit me hard and I didn't want anything anymore at that time...

    Yea, my family contradicts themselves a lot, especially my mom... She claims to want me to have a job and all, but at the same time does not really want me to go abroad. She is afraid that I will get raped and make her lose face... She is so selfish sometimes.. BUt then at the same time, she is nagging at me to get a job.I question my family as well. They claim to love me and want the best for me, but at the same time, it seems like they refuse to let me go.... I am lucky to have my 4th brother(the one that went to Australia to study just like what you are doing) to support me and I think he will help me convince my family to finally let me go and pursue my dreams.

    I actually went straight through school with only a one year gap after my undergrad, then a year gap after my first run of grad school and then a half a year gap before my second round of grad school. I had to take a year off after undergrad because I had a take care of my dad who was severely sick. He then passed away while I attended my first round of grad school.

    But right now my family maybe moving and they are being wishy washy about it which really makes me mad.... It is holding me back because when we move, I have to do most of the work or else my mom has to do it and she is old and has bad health. I don't have the heart to leave her behind to do all of that work...

    Well, I don't think there is anything that is a dream job... I have looked for jobs, but I don't qualify for any of them. I have done tutoring and don't want to do it forever since everyone takes advantage of me.. I don't like it at all...

    Sorry if I offended you,but I have just been really depressed lately and no one understands at all....
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  19. #39
    Senior Member Trinie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghaleon View Post
    damn. the block style is back haha. thanks to Trinie
    hey are you Ganryu?? Yea, the block style is back...
    Respect other people's opinions and views. If we learn how to do that than all of these fights and arguments will not occur.

  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yeung Gor View Post
    I know. Finding the right person can seem impossible at times, esp when it becomes clearer what type of person you are looking for. Unfortunately, the girl who may fit me is not the outgoing type, she enjoy reading, writing, or working on her artwork at home. How can I bump to her if she hardly goes out? I guess I'll leave it up to fate. I won't let the feeling of getting older pressure me into settling, I rather wait for the right one, or just be single all my life.
    Right on, I strongly agree with you on this. It's better to be single than with someone you don't love.

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