Can one insult bring down years of friendship for you?

[Ken Cheng]

Yeah still tough to go through. The worst is one where your buddy goes after a girl you like (even though he knows that you are going after her), bringing out the competitive fire between you two.

Fortunately, it's not like that.

Without knowing the context of your situation, i would say in general, One would need patience and tolerance, as well as forgiveness after all if Your friends had endured with you.

Han Solo

I've already done my best to maintain the peace for at least one year.

I've made numerous direct appeals to stop the behavior that was irritating me. Appeals ignored, or agreed to for a short time, but soon violated again.

I made a direct gesture for peace. It was rejected.

I tried silent protest. I was attacked again anyway.

Enough is enough.

I only regret the collateral damage that might result to innocents from our confrontation. Those who don't want to be hurt will need to step aside and not take sides.

[Trinie]

For me, it would depend on what the situation is and what they did to you. If it not a big deal, then you should just forgive them and continue the friendship. It also depends how close you are to them. IF you were not close them in the first place, then it will not matter much. However, if it is a really close friend, then I think can learn to work things out and forgive them....

[yittz]

I think intentions are important. And you can't be sure if you intepret their actions/speech correctly.

Some people can take a joke, some people can't. Some people don't know when a joke's gone too far.

[Trinie]

I think intentions are important. And you can't be sure if you intepret their actions/speech correctly.

Some people can take a joke, some people can't. Some people don't know when a joke's gone too far.

I totally agree and that is why you have to be careful about what you joke about. My mom always taught me that it is great to have a sense of humor, but you have to think closely about what you joke about and have to know when it goes too far....

[jiang bao]

Rule of thumb, don't joke about people's looks or their family.

If you know someone is sensitive about something, don't joke about that.

A sense of humor to me really isn't about cracking jokes. Most people who crack jokes for no reason are jacka$$es, desperate for attention. A truly likeable person uses his sense of humor naturally -- i.e. if a certain situation rises, he knows the right thing to say to bring a smile to a person's face.

[BearBearNweather]

Rule of thumb, don't joke about people's looks or their family.

If you know someone is sensitive about something, don't joke about that.

A sense of humor to me really isn't about cracking jokes. Most people who crack jokes for no reason are jacka$$es, desperate for attention. A truly likeable person uses his sense of humor naturally -- i.e. if a certain situation rises, he knows the right thing to say to bring a smile to a person's face.

Sometimes even an innocent joke hurts another person's feeling, it's especially tricky if the other party is sensitive.

But I do agree not to joke about someone else's family because I am one who will get offended. It's rude.

[skylee]

In your view, can one insult bring down years of friendship for you?

Are you talking about the verbal kind?

It depends on and how deep the friendship is, and what was being said, really. If it's something said out of sheer anger, rash, etc. I might feel more inclined to let it go, provided that we've been friends for quite a while. However, if they repeatedly make those insulting remarks about me, that's a different story. Friends don't disrespect one another like that.

[patricia n]

absolutely. people are sensitive. i confide in my friends and should they turn the table on me and insult me using those secrets, i would be hurt. it would take me time to be able to trust them again, trust them enough to know that they would not pull another stunt like that again. when i share a very private matter with my friends, i hope that they are trustworthy and understanding enough to realize the sensitive nature of the secret. but as i mention, because they are my friends, the friendship can be rebuilt...with time but it can also be lost if they choose to neglect my feelings.

[Guo Xiang]

absolutely. people are sensitive. i confide in my friends and should they turn the table on me and insult me using those secrets, i would be hurt. it would take me time to be able to trust them again, trust them enough to know that they would not pull another stunt like that again. when i share a very private matter with my friends, i hope that they are trustworthy and understanding enough to realize the sensitive nature of the secret. but as i mention, because they are my friends, the friendship can be rebuilt...with time but it can also be lost if they choose to neglect my feelings.

Oh yes. It's certainly hard to swallow when you trust people with your most inner thoughts and feelings, only to have them use it to hurt you in a fight or something.

Like, you tell that person you feel so lonely because you don't have many friends. Then in a fight, that person craps you by saying, "This is why you don't have friends! 'Cos you suck!"

[Candide]

Yeah if the dude calls me FAT, it's fvcking OVER!

###

Ken, why don't you just say that it's me you're talking about in this thread? You know I don't mind it.

I was friends with a different Ken Cheng. Not much of a fan of the drama queen alter ego.

[Ghaleon]

Yeah if the dude calls me FAT, it's fvcking OVER!

###

Ken, why don't you just say that it's me you're talking about in this thread? You know I don't mind it.

I was friends with a different Ken Cheng. Not much of a fan of the drama queen alter ego.

Ken was talking about you?

[kidd]

I've already done my best to maintain the peace for at least one year.

I've made numerous direct appeals to stop the behavior that was irritating me. Appeals ignored, or agreed to for a short time, but soon violated again.

I made a direct gesture for peace. It was rejected.

I tried silent protest. I was attacked again anyway.

Enough is enough.

I only regret the collateral damage that might result to innocents from our confrontation. Those who don't want to be hurt will need to step aside and not take sides.

Have you asked him directly why he's doing this? You did mention this in one of your previous posts.

I feel betrayed by this brother, but perhaps he first felt betrayed by me...because I became the enemy we had fought so long and hard against together.

Have you guys talk this problem over?

[QF]

Ken, why don't you just say that it's me you're talking about in this thread? You know I don't mind it.

I was friends with a different Ken Cheng. Not much of a fan of the drama queen alter ego.

Whoa.....Do tell, do tell...


QF

[yittz]

The problem comes down to communication and empathy.

[john-e]

One insult? Not me, but everyone has their limits.

I have a very close group of friends who have been getting together almost every week for 20+ years (pretty amazing, huh?). We regularly insult each other, sometimes quite harshly - 'your wife is trailer trash' is one I remember from just a couple of weeks ago - and do cross the line now and then. When that line is crossed, we (as in the rest of us) let the offender know and they end up apologizing - sometimes takes a few weeks but we've known each other so long nobody wants to be responsible for ending the friendship.

However, many of my other friends wouldn't last long in this group. But I haven't known any of them as long as I've know these guys.

[ArMaNi_Iz_D_bSt!!!]

Definitely, one insult could be all it takes to ruin a friendship. Off course it will bring down years of friendship, because that ONE insult will show their true colours and you will find out what that person really thinks of you deep down.

[Trinie]

This actually happened to me and one of my closest friends recently. We didn't talk for days and when we did, I guess we got things settled for the most part. However, she said some things that really hurt me. But since I wanted to resolve our current argument, I did not say anything... I guess it is normal to argue in a friendship or anything, however, I think the most important thing is that you are willing to forgive and solve the problem. Anyways, I think a single insult can bring the friendship to an end depending on the circumstances.

[kidd]

I don't know about years of friendship. I've not experience breakup of friendship that has been formed for years.

But, I've experienced a breakup of friendship personally recently. Something, after said, really can ruin a friendship. Even after the friends have supposedly 'made up', things will be different. There won't be easy rapport. Also, one friend might be trying to 'forgive', but, actually deep down, still has not.

[Lucre]

I always valued my friends, so I suppose I would be hurt by friends who called me friends but didn't treat me as one. It's usually not just mere insults, but one's actions and sincerity.

If the friend doesn't return the same sincerity, then they tend to fade off. ^_^ In life you will keep on gain friends, so it make sense to only keep those who are true to you, and those who didn't care if your life make a difference to them, then let them disappear from view.

I don't bear grudges though...I can get angry with false friends, but usually after sometime they fade into the secular world and mostly forgotten.

[kidd]

I always valued my friends, so I suppose I would be hurt by friends who called me friends but didn't treat me as one. It's usually not just mere insults, but one's actions and sincerity.

I value my friends too. I still tried to keep in touch with my two best friends from uni days.
I don't know. Sometime, a true friend can also hurt you unintentionally. I've a friend whose words hurt me very very much last year (feel like being stabbed in the heart), but, I know her intention is not malicious. She was just trying to help. So, I kept quiet about it and until now she still doesn't know that her words has hurt me so much and I don't intent to let her know either. It still hurts whenever I think of it. But, still, she was well intentioned. What can I do? And maybe, what she said has some truth in it.

If the friend doesn't return the same sincerity, then they tend to fade off. ^_^ In life you will keep on gain friends, so it make sense to only keep those who are true to you, and those who didn't care if your life make a difference to them, then let them disappear from view.

What is true friend? Is it a friend who always agree with you, who just will say nice things to you? I have a friend who I often did not see eye to eye. I've argued with her a couple of times, but, when she need my help, I'll always help and I believe she will do the same for me too. (Update: I get what you mean in this instance. A friend who is insincere will fade away by themselves ).

A person told me once that whenever her best friend was upset, she will call her and release her anger on her. Why is that so? Because her friend feel safe with her enough to do that (of course, it's not a recommended action. That friend at the receiving end doesn't deserve the tantrum ). Kinda ironic.

Actually, I value all my friends. But, I've communication problem. I can only communicate well with very close friends in real life. So, it might seem like I didn't care. But, I really do value many of the friends I've met in my life.