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Thread: 剑轮舞-Sword Sphere Dance

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    Default 剑轮舞-Sword Sphere Dance

    Prologue: Promise
    Sixty years ago, a clan named Blood Demon Clan had long terrorized China in the Ming Dynasty. They came to existence a decade ago starting from the western plains and conquered all the way to the east.

    Their martial arts were eccentric and vicious, that time no clans had the ability to stop this clan and can only be subdued. The clan leader was Named TianMo , His martial prowess was unequalled throughout the lands, especially his Demon Sabre techniques. One time he was invited to the LiXing Manor to be judged on his clans wrong doings, He walk in by himself and killed everyone empty handed. Such power were not considered human, he only left a servant alive to tell the tale.

    Under him were four Guardians of the clan, each of them were on par with the orthodox clan leaders. The four of them stayed with the clan leader almost wherever her go unless given order not to.

    All people of the land were suppressed by The Blood Demon Clan, at first the government tried to stop these monsters. Every attempted failed yet, the Minister who loved citizens like his own child never gave up. One day TianMo Single handily killed into the forbidden city, killing hundreds of guards at ease.

    He walked up to the Emperor and said “You are child of Heaven and I am a Demon of the Heaven, why should you risk your valuable life to try and subdue me? You know I don’t want to kill you but if you insist I would not mind trying” TianMo chopped his palms and broke a pillar in half like it was just a twig then walked out laughing like a maniac.

    The Emperor was enraged and afraid at the same time, He beheaded the Minister to show the Demon it was not his fault and put an decree up that if anyone in the government tries to interfere with Wulin without Emperor’s conscience will be sentenced to death.

    That time just when the eight orthodox clan leaders sat together to think of a way to stop the Demon Clan. Just then TianMo and his four Guardians arrived to subdue them with ease and locked the clan leaders and their disciples to give them a chance to join the Demon Clan.

    Just when the clan leaders were about to choose death over being the Slaves of the Demon Clan, a man had fought his way into the headquarters of the Demon Clan.

    His name was JianSheng from the family of Sword Saints. The family had long left to the island of Sword Saint. The family was a just as eccentric as Demon Clan, They can only have to have one son and one daughter. If there are more than one son or daughter at 18 they will duel until only one lives, then the son will marry the daughter. Once the father taught them all he knew, He will have to suicide and leave the name JianSheng to the son.

    JianSheng said “TianMo why do you have to do this to people of this land, you have nothing else you want other than to watch people suffer?”

    TianMo replied “What do you know about how people have treated me before I was TianMo, what do you know about peoples true nature?

    JianSheng said “I do not want to fight you but I guess its fate..”

    The four Guardians drew their blades and charged at JianSheng. Little did they know JianSheng was a very powerful fighter as well, in just and instant his sword was drawn and all four guards were knocked unconscience.

    TianMo’s hands were shaking, not from fear but from excitement of meeting someone that was worth his time to fight. He then said “Great sword technique, let me know the name of that sword art, we shall have an earth shattering battle right here!”

    JianSheng replied “This is my creation, Evil Dispersing Swordplay, I already know your infamous Hell’s Sabre technique. Lets start!”

    They were fighting almost three meters away from each other. As they exchanged blow in the headquarters, the surrounding would be damaged from the qi of their attacks. TianMo used his palms to chop forward creating a wind that looked like a blade chopping toward JianSheng. JianSheng would use his sword and crush the wind then send a qi from his sword at TianMo.

    Such battle went on for almost an hour until JianSheng used the final stance of Evil Dispersing Swordplay, Holy Flood Cleanse the Land! A wave like qi swallowed all the attacks TianMo made and fatally injured him.

    TianMo laughed “Great swordplay, I may have lost but this is the most precious hour I have ever been through. Before I die I have a final wish I hope you can help me with, can you come here?” He then chopped off both his arms using qi to prove there will be no traps

    JianSheng walked over, Tianmo whispered a few words to him and finally died in peace.

    Since this event, there was not one through the land that did not hear about the legacy of JianSheng!
    Last edited by ruandisheng; 02-06-10 at 01:10 PM.

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    Default Chapter 1: Ruining the party

    [COLOR=black]Chapter 1: Ruining the party[/COLOR]


    It was a glamorous day on Song Shan, the sun was warm and the grass was green. Today is holds a grand event where heroes through the land have gathered and unite. The eight orthodox clans: Shaolin, Wudang, Ermei, Kunlun, HuaShan, QingCheng, KongTong, and League of Beggars have decided to unite together. This event was a breakthrough no one had forseen.

    Since clans united it was also necessary to find a Wulin Chancellor to control and lead the heroes. The clan masters all were in the temple discussing who should be Wulin Chancellor. Out of all the heroes here today only three were taken in consideration to be chancellor.

    First was Shaolin Abbot RuJie, he has lead heroes many times to defeat enemies and help preserve peace through the land. He had 14 of the 72 Shaolin arts trained to the point of perfection which is a great surprise because after Damo no one has learned more than 9 of the 72 Shaolin arts.

    Next was Reverend FuChen of Wudang, who spend many years in the imperial court and taught the prince to be the great emperor he is today. His Taichi swordplay have said to even surpass Zhang San Feng, Wudang and Taichi’s creator. Yet FuChen had said many times before hand that as soon as he finds a suitable successor, he will retire from Wudang and Wulin.

    Last was LiuJianMing of HuaShan known as Iron Sword Gentleman, he is only 30 and already the top 10 martial artist of his times. His ancestors have been HuaShan clan master for 5 generations already. He was also taken as a disciple by JianSheng at the age of fourteen due to his parents wanted him to learn from the best. JianSheng never taught him any martial arts because JianSheng felt it was disrespectful to HuaShan clan but just pointers alone made LiuJianMing a very good fighter. Ever since his 20th birthday he have been roaming JiangHu and did many heroic deeds.

    Shaolin Abbot Rujie was the first to make a speech “Thank you to all guest that gave respect to Shaolin by coming.”

    Reverend FuChen commented “We should say thank you for taking care of us in such a good manner.”

    Shaolin Abbot Rujie laughed “Reverend you are too humble, our temple feel bad for not allowing meat or alcohol because of rules in Shaolin.”

    LiuJianMing then said “Abbot is too kind, we will be blessed if you are willing to lead us in the future years, with your experience and kind nature we shall prosper under you.”

    Shaolin Abbot Rujie replied “Please master Liu stop flattering me, your mentor was the most suitable man to be the Wulin Chancellor but too bad he doesn’t like to step in JiangHu.”

    Reverend FuChen added “True that, true that but don’t worry we still have clan master Liu here. You are talented and young I am sure you can lead us to world peace in the future.”

    QingCheng Clan master, MuHui then said “Clan master Liu is a rare talent in this world but I think he is too young for such responsibility, I recommend looking for someone else”

    Everyone that was there could tell he renounced this solely because he wanted to be Wulin Chancellor

    ErMei Clan master XianBu then said “I think he will be a way better candidate than you will ever be Old Mu!”

    MuHui turned red and gave XianBu a cold stare, but who can blame him being made fun of by a nun is not a merry thing.

    Shaolin Abbot RuJie quickly said “Well lets keep it nice here, to be honest everyone of us here has the chance to be Wulin Chancellor. To be fair everyone writes down who they want as Chancellor on the piece of paper and whoever holds the most votes will take the position. Today we also have Wulin historian, ShiTaiLong here to announce as well as record the results, how does that sound?”

    LiuJianMing claimed “Ingenious Idea! There is no need for the paper I am voting for Shaolin Abbot RuJie!”

    Reverend FuChen then said “No need for me too, I vote for LiuJianMing as Wulin Chancellor!”

    Sixty years ago Shaolin Abbot RuJie and Wudang Reverend FuChen witnessed JianSheng, LiuJianMing’s mentor had saved the Wulin from demon clan, which is why they bore such a obvious biased favor for LiuJianMing.

    The results were out in just moment

    Shaolin Abbot receive 2 votes from LiuJianMing and Leader of the Beggars clan, HongZhengZhong.

    Wudang Reverend FuChen received 2 votes as well from KongTong leader, ChenQuan and Kunlun leader, XuanJiZi

    LiuJianMing received 3 votes from ErMei clan leader XianBu, Shaolin Abbot RuJie, and WuDang Reverend FuChen.

    QingCheng clan master, MuHui however voted for himself as he hoped that at least one or two can help pick him. But clan leaders were not dumb, they knew what kind of person he was and can tell that he neither had the martial arts nor the personality to become Chancellor

    XianBu laughed “Someone wants to be Chancellor so bad that he shamefully voted for himself, but too bad no one wanted him to be chancellor other than himself!”

    MuHui was speechless but on the inside he cursed Xianbu and swore someday when I become Wulin Chancellor, I will make her suffer like a dog…

    At this time, everyone sat outside of Shaolin temple ready to see who should be Wulin Chancellor. Just as the ceremony was about to start there stood a young lad who looked no more than 18 walking their way. His left hand carried a sword in a blue scabbard and his right arm carried a coffin above his shoulders. Many people stared at him, thinking “what does this lad want coming to Shaolin at this time?”

    One man of the clans asked “Why are you here and with a coffin?”

    The young lad said “I am here to look for LiuJianMing.”

    That man angrily said “youngster you should watch how you address people, Clan Master Liu’s full name can’t be called by just anyone.”

    The young lad replied “I just happened to have the right by all means.”

    At this time all the people stood up and once again stared at this lad, for his arrogant attitude even if he got a beating no one would pity him. One of HuaShan’s elder students politely said “Sir, please be more patient for our clan master is busy talking with the eight leaders inside the temple and should be out soon.”

    The young lad once again silently walked towards the temple upon knowing clan master Liu was inside the temple. Of course when their masters where in the temple discussing, how can they let a young lad go in, let alone one that is carrying a coffin. The disciples have gathered around the young lad and flashed their weapons ready to fight.

    “Are you sure you going to try and stopping me?” asked the young lad.

    One of the people in front said “There is an important meeting going on in the temple, forgive us for not letting you through.”

    “Very well then” answered the young lad. As his words finished, he gently let the coffin down then threw his sword into the ground. The sword penetrated 2 feet into the ground, such awesome display of power, even clan leaders have yet to show such power!

    The disciples charged at the same time knowing this young lad was not going to be an easy fight. The young lad moved forward and exhibited a stance of Double Dove Passing Palms. In an instance the people that had surrounded him had been blasted into the ones in back of them. Many saw that they probably can’t match him head on and decided to attack from his rear, he used a move of Great Roc Spreads it Wings and again everyone was blast back before making contact with the young man.

    Upon hearing noise of fighting on the outside, the clan masters decide to come out and see what happened. They were surprised at the youngsters ability and was about to jump into the fight before LiuJianMing screamed ”STOP EVERYONE!” As everyone stopped LiuJianMing jumped forward to the youngster and greeted him “Shixiong how have you been?”

    Everyone had looked like they just suffered a shock from their parent death, LiuJianMing was the clan leader of HuaShan and famed through the land for ten years and yet he had to great a youngster that hardly looked 18. But upon hearing that this young lad was LiuJianMing’s Shixiong everyone understood why his martial arts was so superb.

    “I have to apologize to everyone, this young man is my Shixiong under benevolent mentor JianSheng. He has never left the island that benevolent mentor lived on and doesn’t know the rules of JiangHu yet.” Said LiuJianMing

    Shaolin Abbot RuJie then laughed ”No wonder his martial arts are so high, to be honest no one here should be his match, he truly inherited Master JianSheng’s martial arts.”

    A man in his forties shouted “Really? I do not believe a single word of this, JianSheng left the JiangHu for almost 60 years already. Who can guarantee that no one have yet surpassed him?”

    Shaolin Abbot RuJie then replied “Clan master Mu I have fortunately seen JianSheng and his Evil Dispersing Swordplay. Up to this day, I have yet seen anyone show such prowess to be near his level of martial arts.”

    That man was Master of QingCheng clan, MuHui, most people that can tell he was less than a hero and very narrow minded. His martial arts was also one of the weakest among other clan leaders, which explained his defensive nature when people say others were stronger than him. His clans’s Pine Wind Swordplay have been world famous for almost a century, how can he accept hearing someone say that a mere youngster can beat him.

    MuHui laughed “Evil Dispersing Swordplay? Maybe he should move to Mao Shan and become to ghost catching! Kid show me how useless Evil Dispersing Swordplay is!” As his words ended, he drew his sword and slashed vertically at a tree, splitting the tree in half.

    TianJian said “very well” then held his right hand out meaning please go ahead. Basically telling MuHui that I don’t need a sword to fight you and you can go first.

    MuHui was so mad he can burst, he charged and gave three thrust at TianJian but TianJian evaded each one while keeping in position. In an instant MuHui used the stance Immortal points the road, TianJian then used the stance Gentleman Gives Way with his right hand as a parry. Followed by a palm strike to the spine, then grabbed MuHui’s sword.

    In just one stance the clan leader was beaten by this young man without using his weapon, people could have imagined how powerful the legendary JianSheng was.

    MuHui at this moment looked like he just wanted to drop dead, well to be honest he did want to just die than to be in shame by losing in such a way to a youngster. He then screamed and started running a way, his clan members all wanted to leave with him since it was really shameful to see their clan master being beat like this.

    TianJian stopped MuHui with one hand and MuHui hit the ground. MuHui screamed “What do you want from me now?

    TianJian calmly said “I think you owe my master an apology! With your martial arts so weak, I would not bother to entertain you, but luckily you are a clan leader. I hope you learned if you don’t have the martial arts to back it up, don’t talk!”

    MuHui seriously was in pain, today he felt a hundred times the humiliation he had in his whole life! But that wasn’t just it, TianJian was pulling him to the grave and kicked him down. TianJian Said “Winner are kings and Losers are Bandits! Now bow down to my masters coffin and apologize!”

    As MuHui was doing as TianJian said, LiuJianMing looked at his Shixiong and asked “Benevolent… Master…. Had died….?

    “Yes” said TianJian

    “What happened since I left Sword Saint Island?”

    “Mentor have been suffering from his internal and external injuries for quite a while and now his body finally could not keep up anymore…”

    “Does benevolent mentor have any wishes or regrets that need to be fulfilled?

    “Mentor has 3 wished and 1 regrets; the first wish were to be buried in TaiShiShan of Song Shan where he had his happiest moments, as for the other two, they are for me only. His only regret though was to miss your wedding 6 years ago.”

    Without talking any further, LiuJianMing ran to the coffin, kneeled and kowtow 3 times really hard. Everyone that was there seeing how sad LiuJianMing was and can’t help but hope that they will have such a student someday too.

    Then appeared a man laughing like a lunatic and Shouted “The old man has finally died? Heavens will for my clan to return, heavens will for the demons to rise again hahahaha!”

    Everyone froze to look at him.
    Last edited by ruandisheng; 02-06-10 at 01:12 PM.

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    This is my first time writing a wuxia novel please read it and feel free to criticize

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    Can I ask one thing first? For the names, standard Chinese pinyin writing have names in this format:

    Liu Jianming (instead of LiuJianMing). The surname and the personal name are separated, and the personal name is only capitalized at the beginning.

    If you could make this change, it would improve readability tremendously for some of us. Just a suggestion, thanks!
    Read the latest chapters of Coiling Dragon at Wuxia World!

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    No remarks on the content at this time, but the Prologue could use more spacing between the individual paragraphs and lines of dialogue for a more reader-friendly format.

    Aside from content, formatting is the other half of the equation.

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    Right, that was the other thing I was going to mention, the formatting on the prologue; I think the original source was probably double spaced or had spacers between each paragraph (common on word). Fixing that would also help greatly with readability.

    A brief scan through makes it look stylistically like a combination of Wind & Cloud + Jinyong. I'll comment more in depth later
    Read the latest chapters of Coiling Dragon at Wuxia World!

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    Heh. I just realized why your boldface experiment at the top of the first chapter didn't work out.

    [color=black][/color] isn't going to work because the default lettering is...well, black. So your centering worked, but your boldface didn't.

    See that big "B" at the top of the control panel? That's the Boldface control. That one will produce the effect you need.

    Oddly enough, this is the second time in twenty-four hours I've walked a member through a control panel training session...

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    Just finished reading your first two chapters. Fun stuff! Interesting that you decided to start out with superpowered figures that were better than the leaders of the major sects. Question though, is Tianjian supposed to be Jiansheng's son? If that's the case, with Jiansheng dead, shouldn't he be the new Jiansheng?

    Oh, and I lol'd at the description of the leader of Qingcheng sect. Reminds me of Yu Canghai.

    This looks like it'll be a lot of fun. If you could just fix the grammar and the formatting, it would improve readability tremendously
    Read the latest chapters of Coiling Dragon at Wuxia World!

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    Thank you for the replies, I will try to fix some errors that can help with readability as soon as possible. I would also like to apologize because my english is below standards, might have some grammar problems.
    Last edited by ruandisheng; 02-06-10 at 01:41 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ren Wo Xing View Post
    Just finished reading your first two chapters. Fun stuff! Interesting that you decided to start out with superpowered figures that were better than the leaders of the major sects. Question though, is Tianjian supposed to be Jiansheng's son? If that's the case, with Jiansheng dead, shouldn't he be the new Jiansheng?

    Oh, and I lol'd at the description of the leader of Qingcheng sect. Reminds me of Yu Canghai.

    This looks like it'll be a lot of fun. If you could just fix the grammar and the formatting, it would improve readability tremendously
    Thanks for the reply, TianJian is not JianSheng's son just a disciple.

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