Bernice had just gotten off work and she smiled to herself as she made her way across the parking lot of the Rehabilitation Centre where Frankie was staying. The thought of seeing him made her feel almost giddy with happiness. She was glad that she didn’t have to suppress her feelings for him anymore, although she was a little unsure as to where their relationship presently stood. She knew she wanted to be with him but neither of them have made any moves yet. It was probably too soon to be thinking about those things anyway. When she got to his room, he wasn’t in there so she looked around for a nurse to ask where he was.
“Oh, Mr.Lam is in physiotherapy right now. That’s on the 2nd floor.”
“Thanks.”
She made her way to the physiotherapy room and saw him there doing some exercises with the same physiotherapist at the hospital. What is she doing here, she wondered? I thought she was at the hospital. She went back to watching them again; he had stopped doing his exercises and they were now talking. The physiotherapist said something that made him laugh. He hasn’t laughed that heartily in a long time, thought Bernice. Suddenly, Frankie looked up at the doorway and saw her standing there.
He smiled, his face lighting up. “Bernice!”
She walked over to him. “Hi Frankie, how are you doing?”
“Fine. And you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Yeah, they were a little short of staff at the station so they begged me to work overtime. A few guys had emergency leaves. Am I interrupting anything?”
“No, I’m just done. Do you mind if I take a shower?”
“Of course not.”
Tavia helped Frankie heave himself back onto his wheelchair. Again, Bernice noticed that he covered up his legs with a blanket.
“Okay, I’ll be right out. It won’t take as long as before, I promise.” Frankie wheeled himself away into the showers.
Bernice and Tavia looked at each other and smiled awkwardly at one another.
“So, how come you’re here at the Rehabilitation Centre?” Bernice asked.
“Oh, I just transferred here” Tavia replied.
How convenient, thought Bernice. “So you’re going to be Frankie’s physiotherapist here?”
“Yes” Tavia smiled, looking pleased with that.
Bernice looked away in annoyance. Am I jealous because she’s a young, pretty girl, she thought to herself? “So, how is he doing so far?”
“He’s doing very well. We’re still working on strengthening exercises right now but he’s gained a lot of strength already. His amputation sites are completely healed, although he does have a little bit of pain if there’s a lot of pressure put on them.”
“Do you think he will be getting his prostheses soon?”
“Yeah, if he keeps progressing like this, I don’t see why I can’t start him on prostheses soon. I’m really surprised that he’s doing so well considering what happened to him the past year. Usually, without a good support system and loved ones, it takes a long time for amputees to recover and sometimes they just stay in a wheelchair forever. He’s just lost his family and his girlfriend and his parents are overseas, it’s a miracle that he’s doing this well.”
“He told you about all that?”
“Yes he did.”
Bernice looked down, it seemed they were closer than she thought.
Just then, Frankie came wheeling out of the showers. “Hi, I’m all done.”
“Wow, you were pretty quick”, Bernice smiled at him.
“Yeah, I’ve had a lot of practice so I could shower by myself pretty quickly now” he looked really proud of himself.
“That’s great” Bernice said enthusiastically.
“Do you want to go for dinner? Sorry, it’s just the cafeteria again.”
Bernice nodded, “that’s fine with me.”
“Bye Tavia, see you tomorrow” he said.
“Bye Frankie. Bye…”
“Bernice” he reminded her.
“Oh right, bye Bernice, nice talking to you.”
“Same here. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again” Bernice couldn’t help sounding a little defensive.
As they were making their way to the cafeteria, Frankie kept stealing glances at her. She was more quiet than usual.
“Are you okay Bernice?” Frankie asked when they were seated.
“I’m fine. So, it’s quite a coincidence that Tavia transferred here just as you got here” Bernice remarked.
“Yeah, it is. But I’m really glad that she’s my physiotherapist here too.”
“Of course you are.”
“Bernice, is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong” she said quickly. She decided to change the subject. “Frankie, I haven’t seen you in 2 weeks but it seems so much longer. I hadn’t realized how much weight you’ve lost until now; don’t you go dwindling away on me. I know you haven’t had much of an appetite since Selena’s and your granny’s deaths but you’ve got to eat. Your health is of utmost importance right now.
“I know but I really miss my granny’s cooking. She was such a good cook.”
“Did she write down her recipes?”
“Yeah, now that you mention it, she does have a notebook with a lot of her recipes. We used it to learn how to cook ourselves. Somehow, we never made the dishes as good as her though” he chuckled.
“Is it okay if I borrow her recipe book? If that’s what it takes to get you eating, I’m willing to do it.”
“You want to cook for me?” he asked, staring at her.
“Yes, I want to cook for you.” Bernice stared back at him.
He looked down at his food and started to play around with it.
“You’ve got to eat Frankie. I know the hospital food sucks. How about I bring in food from outside?”
“Vietnamese!” they both said in unison.
They looked at each other and smiled as memories of their past came back to them. Their relationship has always been a bittersweet and wistful one. Looks like things haven’t changed between us, thought Frankie. There was always something in the way of them being together. There wasn’t anything more that he wanted than to be with Bernice but he felt he didn’t deserve her and that she would be better off with someone else. Already he felt like she was spending way too much time in the hospital with him. Just because he wasn’t able to have a normal and active life doesn’t mean she shouldn’t. He didn’t want to cause her to not have a normal life as well.
Bernice’s voice broke him out of his reverie. “Frankie, what are you thinking about?”
“Bernice…” he started. “Forget it….it’s really hard to talk in this institution for some reason.”
“Yeah it is. There are a lot of things I want to tell you but it is difficult to talk in here. Are you allowed to leave?”
“I’m seeing a doctor next week so I’m going to ask him if I could leave for a few days.”
“That’d be really great” she smiled at the thought.
“Yeah, I haven’t been outside institutional walls properly for about 4 months now. Has it really been 4 months since the accident already?”
Bernice nodded. “Time is flying by so fast” she remarked.
“Time is passing us by so quickly. Then soon, it’ll be our time to go. Sometimes it seems life is so insignificant.”
His melancholic musing made her worried for him. It seemed to her that he was feeling dispirited again. She was determined to help him keep his hopes up.
“So that’s why we have to make the best out of everything in our lives while we have the time. We shouldn’t take anything for granted” she said.
He looked at her with desolation in his eyes. “I used to think that but now I realize that there are certain circumstances that prevents us from doing what we desire – certain circumstances that makes it better to let go instead of holding on.”
She looked at him, “what are you trying to say? Does this have anything to do with us?”
He looked down. “Yes, that includes our relationship.”
She looked at him, deeply hurt. “So you’re saying you’re just going to turn your back on our relationship?”
“I’m not turning my back on our relationship, I’m letting it go because it’s for our best interest.”
“Our best interest? How do you know what’s best for us? How come you get to decide what’s best for us?” She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer and they ran down her face as she looked at him with frustration.
It really hurt him to see her crying, he struggled to stop himself from holding her. Instead, he took her hands in his. “Bernice, I love you, remember that. I’ll always love you and that’s why I don’t want you to be stuck with me. I’m a damaged man, just a shell of the person I was. I’m not the same person anymore.”
“No, that’s not true. You are the same person that I fell in love with. Sure, you’ve changed due to circumstances beyond your control but you are still the same man I love. You’re still you and that’s enough for me.”
He was so touched by what she said that he could feel his resolve crumbling but then he shook his head. No, I can’t be selfish, he thought. This is about her life, her future, I can’t just think about myself.
“I won’t be able to provide for you properly and I won’t be able to protect you like a man should protect you. I will only be a burden to you. I want you to have a normal and active life with no restrictions like I have.”
“Frankie, I already said before, you are not a burden to the people who love you. I love you Frankie, I want to go through this with you.”
“Why would you want to go through such a hard path with me? You should choose the easier way out.”
“There isn’t any other easier path; because I love you, the only path I want to take is with you. No matter how hard it is, I want to go through it together with you.”
He looked at her for a while and then suddenly, he broke down and hugged her really tightly. “Bernice, I love you. I want to give us a chance, I do, but I’m so scared. I don’t want to screw up your life. It’s enough that my life is already screwed up.”
Bernice hugged him back. “Stop saying that Frankie, you won’t screw up my life, you’ll only enrich it. Please…..give us a chance.”
“I want to, so much, but I’m scared Bernice. If things don’t work out, that’s it, I won’t be able to go on. I won’t be able to bounce back from another broken heart; especially if it was because of you. I’ll give up, I won’t fight anymore.”
He looked so scared and vulnerable, she hugged him tighter. “I’m confident about us, I’m not afraid at all. You won’t be a burden to me. I want to be with you” she reassured him.
He let her go and looked into her eyes. “Are you sure about this?” he asked her again, his eyes watery.
“Yes, more sure than I’ve ever been about anything.”
He hugged her again, “I love you Bernice.”
“I love you too.” She hugged him back and smiled, tears of happiness running down her face. Finally, she was together with the man she loves. Her heart felt like it would burst with happiness.
They finally parted and he planted a kiss on her forehead. “I have a question” he said.
“Sure, what is it?”
“Were you jealous of Tavia just now?”
Bernice looked down in embarrassment. “Yeah,”she admitted sheepishly. “I thought you guys were getting really close and she’s really pretty and I wasn’t sure of where our relationship stood.”
“You’re so silly, you don’t have to be jealous of anyone because I love you more than anything in this world. I’ll love you until the day I die.”
She beamed with happiness, “you better Mr.Frankie.”
They went out to the garden and she helped him onto a bench and then sat down beside him. He pulled her into his arms. He held her so tightly to him, she could hear his heartbeat through his chest. She smiled with happiness. She wanted to stay in his arms forever. They went through so much to be together that they didn’t want to ever part from each other. Unfortunately, it got really dark and they started to hear the distinct cries of crickets.
“I guess you have to go home now” Frankie sighed. He didn’t want to let her go.
“Yeah, you’re right” she sighed.
They looked at each other for a while and then he leaned towards her and kissed her on the lips. She kissed him back, melting into the kiss.
“Good night, drive carefully” he said.
He saw her off and watched her car drive away until he couldn’t see her anymore. He slowly made his way back to his room. I hope I’m doing the right thing, he thought. Then he decided he’ll not worry about that for now and just revel in the bliss and happiness he was currently feeling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Bernice got home, she couldn’t help grinning like an idiot. She felt like she was on cloud nine and started humming to herself as she went to the fridge to get herself a cold drink. This didn’t go unnoticed by her mom.
“Why are you so happy Bernice?”
“I’ll tell you later mommy.”
“No, tell me now” her mom insisted.
“Okay, I finally got together with the man I love” she smiled happily.
“Really?” her mom asked ecstatic. She had wanted her daughter to go out with another man for so long since her last boyfriend passed away but Bernice wouldn’t get serious with anyone, making her worried. But now, Bernice is finally going out with someone and it seemed serious; she didn’t miss that her daughter said she loved “him”. “So who is it? Is he handsome? Is he rich?”
“Mommy, I’ll introduce you to him very soon, don’t worry. I’m going to my room now, night mommy!”
“Hey, hey!” her mom called as she quickly ran into her room.
In her room, she decided to check her email just before going to bed. Her eyes lit up with excitement when she saw a message from Frankie. He had just sent it.
His email read:
Hey sweetheart,
I just wanted to say goodnight and tell you that I’m thinking about you. Thank you for your love and support. Thank you for making me believe again. I wanted to dedicate this song to you because it’s exactly how I feel about everything you’ve done for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esq5mixg1wg
Have you ever stared into the rain
Thought the clouds would never disappear
Have you ever screamed out into the dark
Thinking no one else could hear
I was leaving footprints tainted by my past
On this winding road to you
I'd lost my faith in love
Tonight I believe again
My heart was a broken place
And now I feel whole again
You bring me honesty
And that's worth believing in
and I believe
I believe again
Have you ever spun out of control
Like you never saw the road ahead
Have you ever just kept looking back
Ever closer to the edge
I was praying for the light I see in your eyes
I had all but given up
I'd lost my faith in love
Tonight I believe again
My heart was a broken place
And now I feel whole again
You bring me honesty
And that's worth believing in
and I believe
I believe again
I believe the impossible is possible to overcome
I believe in miracles
Born from love in everyone
I'd lost my faith in love
Tonight I believe again
My heart was a broken place
And now I feel whole again
You bring me honesty
And that's worth believing in
and I believe
I believe again
Thank you for making me feel whole again. I love you.
Frankie
Bernice wiped the tears from her eyes after reading his email. She hit the “reply” button.
Hey honey,
I’m thinking about you too. Thank you for that song, I love it. The lyrics are so touching and sweet. I’m so happy that I am able to give you that support. I feel like the happiest person on earth today.
I love you.
Bernice