View Poll Results: Will you opt to give birth to a "defective" child?

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  • Yes.

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  • No.

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Thread: To give birth, or not?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Default To give birth, or not?

    This is a hypothetical situation: You are happily married and is pregnant. But the doctor tells you your baby is "defective" and would require care for the rest of his/her life with no chance for total independency.

    Will you still choose to have this child?

    Personally I won't, since it's a super great responsibility and I'm not that selfless, and I'd want to have my own time. I wouldn't want to be tied down like that for the rest of my life, and then still have to worry about the child's future once I pass away.

    Sorry if it's a repeated topic but this just came to my mind.
    Last edited by Guo Xiang; 04-27-10 at 11:33 PM.
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  2. #2
    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    I know someone in that same exact situation. They are a couple who've been married over 10 yrs and they finally have a son. He's their only child, and she had the son at a late age. The son is 9 years old now, but he has autism. The son isn't self-disciplined, he 's not independent. Anyway....the couple is very busy, and so even with their busy lives, they have to take care of their son very painstakingly. But they still love their son and consider him as a blessing to them, though sometimes their son don't listen to them all the time.

    I don't know what my decision would be, but either way the baby would be of my flesh and blood. I'd either give the baby up to adoption or something. If you do abortion, you should consider how lucky you are to have a mother that didn't abort you.
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  3. #3
    Moderator kidd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    Personally I won't, since it's a super great responsibility and I'm not that selfless, and I'd want to have my own time. I wouldn't want to be tied down like that for the rest of my life, and then still have to worry about the child's future once I pass away.
    You still won't have your own time with a normal kid.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kidd View Post
    You still won't have your own time with a normal kid.
    True, but you can't deny a special kid requires more time and effort, and is much more emotionally, physically and mentally taxing.

    So I don't intend to have a child ever.

    The son is 9 years old now, but he has autism. The son isn't self-disciplined, he 's not independent. Anyway....the couple is very busy, and so even with their busy lives, they have to take care of their son very painstakingly. But they still love their son and consider him as a blessing to them, though sometimes their son don't listen to them all the time.
    But autism isn't that bad.

    I don't know what my decision would be, but either way the baby would be of my flesh and blood. I'd either give the baby up to adoption or something. If you do abortion, you should consider how lucky you are to have a mother that didn't abort you.
    I wonder which is worse - having metals sticking and digging inside your body or going through the labour pain.
    Last edited by Guo Xiang; 04-28-10 at 12:16 AM.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    I actually had this discussion with my boyfriend some time ago.

    I'm only for "aborting" the child if he/she has a condition that will make him/her suffer, i.e. Tay-Sachs or something like that. Something like autism is very hard to say, firstly because there are different spectra of autism - some being much easier to deal with than others. Second, I'd feel awful to not have a child only because it will mean more responsibility for me. My bottom line of that discussion was, if the child is certain to suffer throughout his/her life, then I would abort him/her, because that's not the kind of life I want for my child. But if it means more responsibility for me, then I am willing to take that.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xJadedx View Post
    I actually had this discussion with my boyfriend some time ago.

    I'm only for "aborting" the child if he/she has a condition that will make him/her suffer, i.e. Tay-Sachs or something like that. Something like autism is very hard to say, firstly because there are different spectra of autism - some being much easier to deal with than others. Second, I'd feel awful to not have a child only because it will mean more responsibility for me. My bottom line of that discussion was, if the child is certain to suffer throughout his/her life, then I would abort him/her, because that's not the kind of life I want for my child. But if it means more responsibility for me, then I am willing to take that.
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  7. #7
    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    So I don't intend to have a child ever.


    But autism isn't that bad.
    Point being, is the boy's parents won't be around forever. If the parents pass on someday, who would take care of the boy? He can't exactly take care of himself. Although, he's 9, he's no different from a 4-5 year old. It's really hard attending to the needs of a kid with autism, especially since his parents didn't install in him discipline since he was younger, so now its even harder to teach him to have discipline and teach him to be more independent.
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    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    But autism isn't that bad.
    well, it depends. severe autism is as bad as dealing with a mentally unsound person. milder variations (high functioning autism) can lead pretty normal lives though.

    to answer the question, yes i would. it's a moral obligation to deliver the child as i consider it murder.

    Now, lets say if the condition was detected only upon child birth, and that the law says as long as the kid hasnt reach one years old, it is legally permissable to kill the baby for medical reasons, will you do it?
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  9. #9
    Moderator kidd's Avatar
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucre View Post
    well, it depends. severe autism is as bad as dealing with a mentally unsound person. milder variations (high functioning autism) can lead pretty normal lives though.

    to answer the question, yes i would. it's a moral obligation to deliver the child as i consider it murder.

    Now, lets say if the condition was detected only upon child birth, and that the law says as long as the kid hasnt reach one years old, it is legally permissable to kill the baby for medical reasons, will you do it?
    If he's born liao then too bad for me. I guess I'd be stuck with him.

    Thanks for the nice reading but I still don't see the point of having kids, seriously.
    Last edited by Guo Xiang; 04-28-10 at 03:31 AM.
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  11. #11
    Moderator kidd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    Thanks for the nice reading but I still don't see the point of having kids, seriously.
    This article is not to persuade you to have kids. Just thought that you and the writer has the same sentiments, so, would enjoy reading it.
    什麼是朋友?朋友永遠是在你犯下不可原諒錯誤的時候,仍舊站在你那邊的笨蛋。~ 王亞瑟

    和諧唔係一百個人講同一番話,係一百個人有一百句唔同嘅說話,而又互相尊重 ~ - 葉梓恩

  12. #12
    Senior Member KeongJai's Avatar
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    If it was my decision only, I'd keep the child.
    It probably would always be in the back of my mind forever if we did abort.
    Every time you see a child you'd think about it.

  13. #13
    Senior Member pemberly's Avatar
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    people have aborted their pregnancies for much lesser reasons. i probably wouldn't do it out of convenience to myself, but i'd do it because i'd want the child to have a healthy, normal, independent life.
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  14. #14
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    No child of mine will be brought into this world defective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    This is a hypothetical situation: You are happily married and is pregnant. But the doctor tells you your baby is "defective" and would require care for the rest of his/her life with no chance for total independency.

    Will you still choose to have this child?

    Personally I won't, since it's a super great responsibility and I'm not that selfless, and I'd want to have my own time. I wouldn't want to be tied down like that for the rest of my life, and then still have to worry about the child's future once I pass away.

    Sorry if it's a repeated topic but this just came to my mind.
    Agree. It's hard enough to raise a healthy child. If I were the defective child, I would rather my parent aborted me than live a life full of sickness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    So I don't intend to have a child ever.
    Why?? If you found the second half of yours, isn't having children the best thing people can ever have?

    Quote Originally Posted by pemberly View Post
    people have aborted their pregnancies for much lesser reasons. i probably wouldn't do it out of convenience to myself, but i'd do it because i'd want the child to have a healthy, normal, independent life.
    Unfortunately, that is the majority of the abortion. In most cases, both the mother and child are healthy and through consentual sex. I hate people who abort in such cases. I don't care whatever reason they have whether financial or gender of the baby. Good thing that people who aborted have higher chance of getting cancer later on in life. That is karma.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Ren Ying Ying's Avatar
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    It would depend on how severe the defection is...

    On a side note, what if there was only a 70% chance that the child will have life impairing defect but the chances of you having another child is extremely low. Would you have the child? Does changing the percentage of possible defect affect your decision? And if so, where would you draw the line?

  17. #17
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    I asked The Queen of My Heart this question, and she replied that she would still choose life for her child [possibly she's thinkin' me] even with the knowledge of potential serious disability. Hm, this is coming from a woman who has actually lost a child once and now has three surviving children.

    You know, I've never had a child, so I can't fully understand the unconditional love that most parents have for their children. I think many of us are the same on this board. My parents are friends with a couple who has just one biological son; he's 25 like me but is mentally about 7 yrs old. He's endearing. The couple was married for a LONG time until the wife could get pregnant. They have another adopted son whose a couple of years older than me, both men were raised with much love and adoration from the parents.

    In some cultures, some people believe that if your child is disabled in some way, then the son/daughter is an example of some great sin the parents [usually wife] has committed. Raising that child should be your act of repentance. ::shrugs:: The family is thus shamed. Conversely, some believe the disabled child could be a gift given from God to teach them a lesson of unconditional love.

    I'd like to think that I am capable of the above. That is, learning to love a child who is less than perfect. However, it's hard to say for sure when one is young, single, and unburdened. I can though be positive that I would not mind having a disabled parent because as a child I have only one mother and one father. Wouldn't replace them even if I could.
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  18. #18
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    AAAAAAAHHHHHH
    I voted YES
    Should have vote NO instead

  19. #19
    Moderator kidd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trien Chieu View Post
    AAAAAAAHHHHHH
    I voted YES
    Should have vote NO instead
    It's meant to be.Your conscious mind said 'No', but your subconscious mind said 'Yes'.
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  20. #20
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    i would abort, but it's really hard to say.
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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