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Thread: Is Sex a Taboo in your Household?

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    Senior Member Sourplum's Avatar
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    Default Is Sex a Taboo in your Household?

    Do you think sex is a taboo in many asian households? I can only speak about my own, but here in our family, including the relatives, no one discusses sexuality or intimate matters. No, I'm not saying people need to disclose their sex lives, but when an adolescent child in puberty can't even raise questions of a sexual nature to any one in his or her family? That is being too conservative is it not?

    Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and curious teenagers have no books in local libraries to help them gauge their sexuality in what is often described as a very confusing time for pubescent teenagers.

    It is often stressed that teenagers need figures they can speak to about mattes of the body as they are developing sexually. A lack of information can lead increased incidences of teenage pregnancy - at least that is my belief. I think proper sex education by schools AND parents can reduce the rate of teen pregnancies. Now, if under the assumption that Asian households don't discuss sex, I would be curious to find out what the prevalence of pregnancies amongst Asian couples are.

    Case in point, a young couple one 16 the other 17 (note age of consent in most states of Australia is 16) are planning to spend a romantic evening together. They will be intimate. Yes, there will be protection. Now the problem is the parents don't know about this relationship. Both parties are willing to be honest with the families about the nature of the evening, but they also know what reactions to expect. It's difficult enough asking to let a friend sleep over, how much harder is it to negotiate privacy in your bedroom?

    Is it all a matter of the age old custom of traditional asian families banning premarital sex? And what are your parents' and your views on discussing sexual matters in the household? Are we bordering on extreme censorship?
    Last edited by Sourplum; 05-16-10 at 06:31 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    my parents don't really talk about it, they assume we will find out somehow. (yea, i guess its typical asian values mindset; although compared to most of my friends, theres alot more huggings and kissses done in my family then many others, whereby physical warmth is also absent.)

    usually the only person in my family i can talk to at length about sex-issues is my brother.
    o wilku mowa...♪

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    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Hm...well it depends on who is the subject? My sex life [or lack thereof] is not spoken about...but that's natural considering it's current state of nonexistence.

    However, my brothers freely talk about theirs, and it's sometimes vulgar- from the perspective of a lady, that is. My parents will then proceed to either shake their heads or smack one of their sons upside the head. We are all adults though, so it may not be relative to your question. I assume you are asking about whether we were given the "talk" of "birds n the bees" right? Well, in that case I was told, "just don't do it" conversely, my brothers were told, "just don't get her pregnant". That was all, yes, that's all.
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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Well, in that case I was told, "just don't do it" conversely, my brothers were told, "just don't get her pregnant". That was all, yes, that's all.
    Wow that's not really fair, is it? They allow your brothers to mess with other people's daughters but won't allow other guys to mess with you? Then they shouldn't have allowed your brothers to mess around! Those girls had parents too!
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    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    Wow that's not really fair, is it? They allow your brothers to mess with other people's daughters but won't allow other guys to mess with you? Then they shouldn't have allowed your brothers to mess around! Those girls had parents too!
    HAHA! Reminds me of when The MoM wanted to "import" daughter-in-laws for the brothers...my quip?: "What? Think of KARMA mommy...you have a daughter too! Would you subject me to The Ogre n The Man Wh0re?"

    Her Majesty's response? ..."You would be lucky to have me as a mother-in-law." ...said with a straight face.

    Basically, it doesn't matter as long as it's not your daughter.
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    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    My family doesn't talk about it. My parents never ever ask me about that, even though I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years. I feel like it's more of a trust thing - they know I'm mature enough to know what I'm doing and they trust my boyfriend is a decent enough guy.

    To be honest, I'm perfectly ok with not talking about sex with my family. It's just awkward. I prefer keeping my "sex life" private anyway.
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    My family does not talk about it. Possibly it is due our conservative Asian society/upbringing.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xJadedx View Post
    My family doesn't talk about it. My parents never ever ask me about that, even though I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years. I feel like it's more of a trust thing - they know I'm mature enough to know what I'm doing and they trust my boyfriend is a decent enough guy.

    To be honest, I'm perfectly ok with not talking about sex with my family. It's just awkward. I prefer keeping my "sex life" private anyway.
    I agree. It would be really awkward if my parents decided to discuss sex with me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by athlee View Post
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    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    I agree. It would be really awkward if my parents decided to discuss sex with me.
    i guess talking about someone's sex life isnt really the problem..the problem is....if the subject becomes personal....thats...no-no. lol.

    my bro and i used to speculate how often our parents do it. (we're mean kids back then)
    o wilku mowa...♪

    The only thing I need to know is that I don't know anything.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Sourplum's Avatar
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    I agree. It would be really awkward if my parents decided to discuss sex with me.
    Well that would be awkward, but I don't mean just talking about having sex in your household.

    When you guys grew up during puberty, how did you learn to deal with it? The internet has become in many ways a substitute for a parent's role in advising their children in sex education. I believe most parents discuss menstruation with their daughters, but I'm not sure how much is actually said to boys. I'm fortunate to have had access to the internet in which most of my sex education was acquired from, but I do wonder about the confused children who are going through the problem unassisted.

    I guess what I mean is what were to happen if you bring home your partner and were going to be intimate? Would you let your parents know? Can you trust them to not disturb you? Or would it be forbidden? I'm curious to know how the parents would deal with this situation.

    "Go GET A ROOM!"
    "Ok (proceeds to bedroom)"
    "WTF are you doing?!"
    "You told us to get a room..."
    "..."
    Last edited by Sourplum; 05-17-10 at 12:04 PM.

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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sourplum View Post
    Well that would be awkward, but I don't mean just talking about having sex in your household.

    When you guys grew up during puberty, how did you learn to deal with it? The internet has become in many ways a substitute for a parent's role in advising their children in sex education. I believe most parents discuss menstruation with their daughters, but I'm not sure how much is actually said to boys. I'm fortunate to have had access to the internet in which most of my sex education was acquired from, but I do wonder about the confused children who are going through the problem unassisted.

    I guess what I mean is what were to happen if you bring home your partner and were going to be intimate? Would you let your parents know? Can you trust them to not disturb you? Or would it be forbidden? I'm curious to know how the parents would deal with this situation.

    "Go GET A ROOM!"
    "Ok (proceeds to bedroom)"
    "WTF are you doing?!"
    "You told us to get a room..."
    "..."
    Now that you mention it, I don't remember how I first learnt about the birds and bees. Probably started when I took biology classes in school when I was around 14. Then I was curious about my brother locking himself in the room all the time and one day just insisted to sit in his room when he tried to chase me out. So I ended up watching his porn but walked out halfway 'cos it's so boring. >_> But I learnt stuff from it too...

    I may have come across stuff like that in manga too, or at least something close enough. And of course, a certain girl friend taught me loads about the stuff too, through the internet.

    So my parents played no part in my sex education. Don't know about my mom, but my dad certainly won't like it much if I'd go into a room with a guy. However, it's clear that they assume I already know about it, because sometimes they will comment on it when it shows up on TV.
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    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    I may have come across stuff like that in manga too, or at least something close enough. And of course, a certain girl friend taught me loads about the stuff too, through the internet.
    see, the wide usage of internet...everyone learns stuff from the internet. don't you think you ought to give that certain girlfriend a big treat for such a help?
    o wilku mowa...♪

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    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    My parents' idea of sex ed was:

    - Use protection
    - Don't knock her up
    - If you hook up with an older woman (no idea why, even one year or a few months older isn't kosher) or some peasant ho-bag from {insert a certain province in Vietnam they really hate} we'll disown you.
    - Don't get married early (which has now changed to "when the hell am I getting grandchildren?" for my mum)
    - Telling me many many stories about how amazing my two uncles were at hooking up with women, always as warnings, but to me they were heroes.

    For all the complaints I could have about my parents (very few), not talking to them about my sex life is definitely not on the list. Especially since I do have a taste for older women...
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

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    Senior Member HuangYushi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candide View Post
    My parents' idea of sex ed was:
    - If you hook up with an older woman (no idea why, even one year or a few months older isn't kosher) or some peasant ho-bag from {insert a certain province in Vietnam they really hate} we'll disown you.
    Haha! That's so true! Mine say almost the same thing ... except that they stop short of saying "we'll disown you".

    Quote Originally Posted by Candide View Post
    - Don't get married early (which has now changed to "when the hell am I getting grandchildren?" for my mum)
    Another gem! But mine have --- finally --- given up on grandchildren from me!

    Looks like your folks and mine do have a few more things in common!
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    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Well they didn't really say "we'll disown you" but the tone is the same. Knowing them, if I were to date such a girl seriously, they'd fall sick (pretending to initially then making it real) for a month while reciting every great thing they've ever done to me and how I can't even comply with such a small request - the only thing they've ever asked me to, in fact.

    Typical Asian parents' operating procedure.

    Actually it's unfair to include my Dad in this. He's cool with me doing whatever I want. It's mostly my Mum. The irony is that Dad's parents likely warned him not to marry a girl like my Mum, or else... and he, being a good filial son like me, obviously did not listen.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

    "I disapprove of what I say, but I will defend to the death my right to say it."

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    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    omg my family NEVER discussed this to me, i'd feel VERY uneasy and uncomfortable if they did
    probably because they didn't need to; i was locked down until sophomore year in high school and by then, they trusted me, i think
    any sex-related questions, i alwys resorted to friends and google hahaha NUBB.
    i had good judgements anyways, don't think it would've made a difference although if i got pregnant right now(never would i)... they'll prob cut my head off..
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    Senior Member Lady Zhuge's Avatar
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    Nope, but I've never really felt the need to turn to my family for sex ed.

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    Member Bei Rongkun's Avatar
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    it's a taboo for us and the kid. the reason is because we don't want him to have another 'idea' and spoiled his great innocence times along his friends, boys and girls.

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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bei Rongkun View Post
    it's a taboo for us and the kid. the reason is because we don't want him to have another 'idea' and spoiled his great innocence times along his friends, boys and girls.
    Kids these days are not as innocent as we would like to believe.
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    Quote Originally Posted by athlee View Post
    DZC - "Your wife and I, we are old friends."

  20. #20
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    And having sex or having knowledge about sex doesn't mean you're not still innocent.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

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