Silver Spear Cleansed in Blood - 碧血洗银枪 - Gu Long

[kaister]

Oh wow, this is worst than I thought.

I've already read through the first three chapters and found too many mistakes. I'd probably found more than two dozens mistakes within these three chapters. A lot of errors like swapping references, you instead of I; typos, here instead of her; dropping lines; wrong word choice, etc. Standard mistakes, LOL. I've seen some people here had caught some of these mistakes in recent chapters. =)

It's also clear that I struggled with tenses in the beginning. Hell there were still some even in the later chapters. It seems like I wanted to use past tense but was threw off when narration started making general statements. So then I used present tense until I naturally flow back to past tense. LOL

I've decided if the narration is talking directly about the events of the story, I'll used past tense. If the narration is breaking fourth wall or making a general statement, like describing what is jade, I'll use present tense. Either way, there are parts of the story that have to be in past tense and parts of the story that have to be in present tense. The prologue is a good example.

Right I'm just reviewing the translation and focus on the accuracy of the translation, fixing all these minor mistakes. I'm not even playing attention to grammar much besides maybe correcting the tenses.

Man, either I didn't proofread or I proofread it and just missed all these mistakes. Right now I'm reading with both the Chinese text and my English translation open. It's like I'm retranslating the everything line-by-line. This is going to take some time.

[ycb5959]

It's been around 4 years since you embarked on the work. Your knowledge of both Chinese and English must have grown since then

[szfong]

Thanks kaister for the update, I can't wait to re-read the revised edition.

[Anh Nam]

Thanks kaister.

[kaister]

Hmm...I just went over my older posts in this thread and found out that I don't really proofread (or barely) until chapter 20.

No wonder there are so many errors in the earlier chapters. I am going to go ahead and start an unabridged thread with the updated translation.

All I'm doing is comparing the original text with the translation and making any adjustment. I might have to do some real editing at a later time.

[szfong]

Hmm...I just went over my older posts in this thread and found out that I don't really proofread (or barely) until chapter 20.

No wonder there are so many errors in the earlier chapters. I am going to go ahead and start an unabridged thread with the updated translation.

All I'm doing is comparing the original text with the translation and making any adjustment. I might have to do some real editing at a later time.

Hi kaister,

I usually find it easier to use Microsoft Word 2013 or 2010... which has one of the BEST spell & grammar checker around. I'd proofread the original DOCX file by increasing the font size to a comfortable reading size and proofread chapter by chapter, afterwards, just reduce font size, copy and paste each ENTIRE chapter or just start a new thread and paste ENTIRE chapter to the thread. This way you won't repeat your efforts.

[szfong]

Thanks again kaister, for updating the Unabridged thread...

[kaister]

Yea it should be much more readable now.

There are probably still mistakes but it shouldn't be as bad as before.

Some of you might have noticed, I started replacing the posts on this thread with the newer version. But I was like "Wait, what am I doing?" and went ahead and created the unabridged thread. I'm leaving posts here alone. Reader should read the unabridged version.

[szfong]

Thanks again for another unabridged update, kaister!

[Ian Liew]

One of my favourite Gu Long novels. Just a typo in post #17 - shortly after Ma Rulong lifts up the sheet.. there's a "dead or alive" misspelt as "dead of alive".

[kaister]

One of my favourite Gu Long novels. Just a typo in post #17 - shortly after Ma Rulong lifts up the sheet.. there's a "dead or alive" misspelt as "dead of alive".

Got it. Thanks.

[sirius0]

thanks for the translation

[kaister]

LOL, I was proofreading ch. 21 only to realized I already posted that.

It's sad how there's always a handful of error every time I re-read a chapter.

I was telling ycb5959 how I like to keep the text as close to original Chinese as possible but a lot of times that's just not possible.

In particular, that one paragraph near the end of the ch. 21 is giving me a lot of headaches. Even I have trouble understanding what it is saying.

These words already did not sound right. A person did not need a “particular reason” to make friends, without thinking of danger consequence, and goals. However once they’d become friends, what he did for his friends was not for a “particular reason” but an indescribable feeling. For things you must do, courage and loyalty with no regret. For one’s own conscience without guilt and not allowing sleepless night. For one having no regret in one’s own life or death.

I was trying to make sense of the paragraph and just gave up and retranslate the passage based on the original Chinese text.

Those words are already not right. A person can have “no particular reason” to befriend a person; he can disregard advantages and disadvantage, pay no attention to the consequences, and not have any objectives. However once he befriended this person, what he does for his friend is no longer for “no particular reason” but for some indescribable feelings. It is for the things you must do: the type of valor and code of brotherhood that honor does not permit you to turn back on. It is for you to be able to face your conscience and noble teachings. It is for a chance to not deal with not being able to sleep in the middle of the night. It is for you to live a life where you can look into your heart with no shame. And also for you to die where you can look into your heart with no shame.

I hope it's better. It's longer simply because I added filler words to make better sense out of it. Chinese can be an extremely concise language.

One thing I no longer follow in the Chinese text is the punctuations. They don't make sense. In the beginning, I left everything exactly as is. Chinese text usually has a lot fragments, comma splices, run-on, etc. I make changes at my own discretion. Otherwise, I typically would make an effort to at least keep word choices as close as possible to original Chinese text.

[foxs]

I was going to wait until you finish the Unabridged Thread, but I couldn't wait ... finally finish reading this. Thank you so much. I really enjoy it.

On to Deathblade's work ...

[kaister]

I was going to wait until you finish the Unabridged Thread, but I couldn't wait ... finally finish reading this. Thank you so much. I really enjoy it.

On to Deathblade's work ...

Thanks for reading. I was looking around and notice you finish all of LXF stories. I still need to get around reading other translators' works.

I'm not finding much error on the later chapters, most of them are very minor. Changes wouldn't be anything drastic anyways.

I'm trying to alternate posting a chapter for this and Third Young Master everyday.

[szfong]

Thanks for the timely updating of the Unabridged thread Kaister!!

I remember reading this Gu Long story many years ago and it is not one of his finer works. It seems many scenes are unexplained or doesn't quite make sense. It would have been a classic if he had lengthened it a bit more. I heard in his later years, Gu Long often drafts incoherent stories while drunk and "pays" poor college students to fill in the pieces or complete it. He only signs the final draft and calls it his own work..

[kaister]

Thanks for the timely updating of the Unabridged thread Kaister!!

I remember reading this Gu Long story many years ago and it is not one of his finer works. It seems many scenes are unexplained or doesn't quite make sense. It would have been a classic if he had lengthened it a bit more. I heard in his later years, Gu Long often drafts incoherent stories while drunk and "pays" poor college students to fill in the pieces or complete it. He only signs the final draft and calls it his own work..

Make sense. I believe it and I agree with your sentiment. It could be much better.

Honestly, this story does seem more like draft than a complete story, like he has the rough outline of things but not the details. It seemed like he tried to write something at the beginning but just lost steam toward the latter half of the story.

I finally re-read the entire story and I'm trying to think what's my biggest problem with the story. I think it's the fact how little we know about the main character, Ma Rulong. He barely fights, no interesting background/history, no truly interesting relationship with anyone...nothing. Sure, I can fault how incomplete the plot is but really there's nothing that stands out.

I don't know. I mean it's not terrible but I'll recommend this only if people are bored or die-hard fans of Gu Long.

[szfong]

Make sense. I believe it and I agree with your sentiment. It could be much better.

Honestly, this story does seem more like draft than a complete story, like he has the rough outline of things but not the details. It seemed like he tried to write something at the beginning but just lost steam toward the latter half of the story.

I finally re-read the entire story and I'm trying to think what's my biggest problem with the story. I think it's the fact how little we know about the main character, Ma Rulong. He barely fights, no interesting background/history, no truly interesting relationship with anyone...nothing. Sure, I can fault how incomplete the plot is but really there's nothing that stands out.

I don't know. I mean it's not terrible but I'll recommend this only if people are bored or die-hard fans of Gu Long.

Yeah, this story could have been another Sentimental Swordsman, Lu Xiao Feng, or Chu Liu Xiang series... Also, last few chapter was definitely rushed & confusing... no explanation of the various events... unlike the detailed explanation & reasoning in his other works...

[Anh Nam]

Thanks Kaister

[kaister]

Thanks Kaister

No problem. Thanks for reading.

Trying to get one of the story out of the way so I can focus on 3rd young master.