The Deer and The Cauldron

[smurf120]

Wow that was a lot of groping in the tunnel!

[crazee]

Anh, you are welcome. Crazee, do you want Shuang'er the 'servant', or Shuang'er the 'wife'? Ren, CFT, thanks for the info. I changed it per your suggestion. I also added a bit of information on Yakesa.

Hi Foxs, Err....that's a difficult question....I suppose both heh heh heh, cannot blame me for being greedy eh ??

Wow that was a lot of groping in the tunnel!

Err, Ms Smurf....I don't mind that type of groping with the girl....err you know what I mean..

It's a fun passage...BTW, light and at the same time exicting ( shucks the serials should show that scenes..in full heh heh heh )

[crydee]

Foxs! Thanks a lot for the translation! I foresee another allies or enemies for WXB in those foreigner...and a new foreign groping gal for him...lol

[crazee]

Foxs! Thanks a lot for the translation! I foresee another allies or enemies for WXB in those foreigner...and a new foreign groping gal for him...lol

----definitely not one of his wifes....none of his wives are non chinese, right ??

[foxs]

Smurf, LOL, I didn't expect you to notice the groping. Crydee, why is it that the 'R' rating always draw more attention? Crazee, three posts between two updates? You must have visited this forum a lot.

---

The governor-general’s face looked calm and collected; he mumbled something in foreign language. The woman also mumbled something in reply. The governor-general’s manner was very respectful, he bowed several times. The woman spoke several sentences, she pointed to Wei Xiaobao. The governor-general opened the door and summoned the Chinese interpreter back into the room. All the time the man and the woman did not stop talking to each other.

Wei Xiaobao noticed the room was furnished with quite a bit of fur, there were quite a few glittering female clothing spread on the couch. Looking at half-exposed woman’s snow white, silky breasts, her sparkling and translucent calves and skin, he thought, “I had this woman in my bosom just now, why did I only grope her carelessly and simply let it pass like that? I got a very good pair of cards in my hand, but forgot to make a kill. That Hong Jiaozhu has frightened me silly.”

He heard the interpreter said, “The Princess and Zongdu Daren ask: who are you?”

Wei Xiaobao was surprised. “She is the Princess?” he asked.

The interpreter replied, “This is the Luocha Country Emperor’s imperial elder sister, Her Highness Princess Sophia. This is His Excellency Governor General Golytsin. Quickly kneel down to pay your respect.”

Wei Xiaobao mused, “Her Highness the Princess, how could she be so wild?” But he immediately recalled Kangxi’s imperial younger sister Princess Jianning was also very wild, in fact, in term of wildness, she was not inferior to this Luocha Country Princess. All the emperors’ imperial older sister or younger sister must be beautiful and wild, so this princess must be a genuine article. Thereupon with a giggle he bowed to pay his respect, saying, “Your Highness the Princess, how are you? You are extremely beautiful, you look like a celestial fairy descending into the world. In our China, there has never been any woman as beautiful as you.”

Sophia knew several most shallow Chinese words; hearing Wei Xiaobao, she knew he was praising her beauty; immediately she beamed up and said, “Little child, very good, must reward.” She went over to the desk, pulled a drawer, took a dozen or more gold coins, and put the coins in Wei Xiaobao’s hand.

“Thank you very much,” Wei Xiaobao said. He held out his hand to receive the coins. Under the candlelight, he saw the Princess’ five fingers were indeed like green jade; he could not stop himself from reaching out to grab her hand, and brought it to his mouth and kissed it.

The interpreter was greatly alarmed; “Don’t be rude!” he shouted. He did not know that the ritual of kissing one’s hand was actually in general use in western foreign country, it was an expression of utmost respect to the ladies of nobility. Wei Xiaobao was acting without thinking, unexpectedly he did the right thing. Only he should have kissed the back of the lady’s hand, but he was grabbing Princess Sophia’s palm and sucked her fingers randomly, hence it appeared rather awkward. Sophia giggled tenderly, but surprisingly she did not pull her hand away.

“Little child,” Sophia asked with a laugh, “What you do?”

Wei Xiaobao replied, “Little child, go hunting.”

Suddenly from outside the door a loud and clear voice said, “This little child is a high-ranking minister under China’s Emperor, don’t be deceived by him.” It was precisely Hong Jiaozhu’s voice.

Wei Xiaobao was so scared that his soul had flown to the outer space; pulling Shuang’er’s sleeve, he wanted to dash out of the door. But as soon as he pushed the door open, he saw Hong Jiaozhu was blocking his exit with arms spread open. Shuang’er leaped forward with a direct punch. Hong Jiaozhu parried with his left hand, while his right hand finger went toward Shuang’er’s waist. Shuang’er groaned and fell to the ground.

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Hong Jiaozhu, you, Senior, enjoy immortal good fortune forever, your long life the same as the heaven’s. Where is Madame? Has she also come?”

Hong Jiaozhu did not reply, his left hand grabbed the back of Wei Xiaobao’s neck, and he brought Wei Xiaobao back inside. “Reporting to Your Highness the Princess and Zongdu Daren,” he said, “This person is called Wei Xiaobao, he is a high-ranking minister most trusted by the Chinese Emperor, he is the Fu Zongguan [deputy chief] of the Emperor’s Imperial Bodyguards, personal guards’ Dutong [commander], Imperial Envoy Minister, and was conferred the title First Class Viscount.”

The interpreter translated these words. Princess Sophia and the governor-general showed incredulous expression. Sophia laughed and said, “Little child, no high-ranking minister. Minister, fake.”

Hong Jiaozhu said, “Biren has the proof.” Turning his head around, he said, “Bring this kid’s clothes over.”

Wei Xiaobao saw Lu Gaoxuan entered in, carrying a bundle wrapped in cloth. When he opened it, surprisingly it was Wei Xiaobao’s original hat, clothing and personal adornment. Wei Xiaobao was greatly amazed, “How could these clothes end up in his hands? Hong Jiaozhu’s magical power is indeed extensive.”

Hong Jiaozhu ordered Lu Gaoxuan, “Put the clothes on him.” Lu Gaoxuan complied. He shook off the clothes and put them onto Wei Xiaobao.

These clothes, along with the yellow magua, were torn apart by the thistles and thorns of the forest, but put on Wei Xiaobao’s body, obviously it was extremely well-fitting. The hat, with the peacock feather on it, obviously belonged to a high-ranking minister of the Qing court. If these clothes did not belong to Wei Xiaobao, it would be very difficult to find such a high-ranking official uniform in such a small size on the earth.

Wei Xiaobao giggled and said, “Hong Jiaozhu, your ability is indeed not small; I threw those clothes along the way, but you picked them all up from the roadside along the way.”

Hong Jiaozhu ordered Lu Gaoxuan, “Search his body, see if you can find anything.”

“No need to search me,” Wei Xiaobao said, “I’ll get everything out.” He pulled a big wad of banknotes from his pocket, the amount was staggering.

The governor-general had lived in Liaodong for a long time, he knew banknotes. Casually he flipped some, and was greatly amazed. He turned to the Princess and mumbled something, as if he was saying, “This child indeed has some background, the money he brings is really a lot.”

Hong Jiaozhu said, “This little demon is very crafty, search his body.”

Lu Gaoxuan searched Wei Xiaobao and took everything out of his pocket, including the secret order written in Kangxi’s personal hand writing, which said, ‘Imperial Envoy Minister, Deputy Commander Minister of the Internal Imperial Bodyguards, holder of concurrent office of the Commander of the Valiant Cavalry Brigade of the Manchuria Plain Yellow Banner, has been granted by the Emperor himself bravery title of Batulu, and the right to wear yellow magua, the Viscount First Class Wei Xiaobao, is ordered to go to Liaodong region on official business. The civil and military officials along the way are to wait for his instruction and render their assistance.’ The top of this imperial edict bore the imperial seal.

The interpreter read the edict in Luocha language. When Princess Sophia and Governor General Golytsin heard it, they clucked their tongue in praise and amazement.

Hong Jiaozhu said, “Reporting to Princess: Chinese Emperor is a young child, and loves to use young children as high-ranking officials. This little child loves to play games and joke around with the Chinese Emperor, he is good at patting the horse’s buttocks, he is good at blowing the cowhide, the young Emperor likes him.”

Sophia did not understand ‘patting the horse’s buttocks’ and ‘blowing the cowhide’; after asking the interpreter, she giggled and said, “I also like people patting the horse’s buttocks and blowing the cowhide.” Wei Xiaobao was immediately delighted. But Hong Jiaozhu’s countenance turned very unsightly.

Sophia asked further, “Chinese young Emperor, how old?”

Wei Xiaobao said, “Chinese big Emperor, seventeen years old.”

Sophia laughed and said, “Luocha big Tsar, is my little brother, is also a child, twenty years old, not a tou laozi[4].”

Wei Xiaobao was startled. “What tou laozi?” he mused, “Ah, she spoke incorrectly, it must be laotouzi[5] and she said tou laozi.” Thereupon he pointed at her and said, “Luocha beautiful princess, not tou laozi, very good.” Pointing at himself, he said, “Chinese high-ranking official, not tou laozi, very good!” Pointing at Hong Jiaozhu, he said, “Chinese bad egg [scoundrel/b@stard], tou laozi, not good, not good!”

Sophia bent over with laughter. The Luocha Country governor-general was a young man of about thirty; he also laughed aloud. Hong Jiaozhu’s countenance, however, turned iron-grey, he so wished to strike Wei Xiaobao dead with one palm.

Sophia asked, “Chinese high-ranking official, come here, for what?”

Wei Xiaobao said, “Chinese Emperor heard Luocha Country’s high-ranking official is coming to Liaodong, he sent me to take a look. His Majesty knew Luocha Country Emperor is not a tou laozi, he knew Luocha Princess is a fairy descending to the world, he sent Xiaoren [little/lowly one] to present gifts, to give Princess and Zongdu Daren two hundred Dadong pearls, two hundred catties of ginseng. Unexpectedly en route we came across this big robber who took the gifts away …”

Wei Xiaobao had not finished speaking, Hong Jiaozhu was already unable to restrain his anger; raising his right palm, he chopped down at the top of Wei Xiaobao’s head. When he was inside the trunk, Wei Xiaobao had heard Hong Jiaozhu was presenting not a few precious gifts to the governor-general, thereupon he doubled the amount, and said that it was a gift from the Emperor. When his mouth was busy talking, he paid full attention on Hong Jiaozhu. As soon as he saw he raised his palm, he immediately executed the qinggong ‘Shen Xing Bai Bian’ [divine line hundred changes] taught by Jiu Nan, and slipped away behind Princess Sophia.

‘Crack, crash!’ one wooden chair was destroyed by Hong Jiaozhu’s palm strike. Galitzine was shocked; he pulled his short gun and pointed it at Hong Jiaozhu, ordering him not to move randomly.

The long speech that Wei Xiaobao had just made, Princess did not understand, she ordered the interpreter to translate. And when he finished, she laughed and said to Hong Jiaozhu, “Your gift, snatched from him, you took half, not good!”

Hong Jiaozhu anxiously said, “No, no. This kid is very good at talking nonsense, Princess must never believe him.” He saw the Luocha governor-general was pointing the gun at him, although western firearm was formidable, but based on his martial art skill, he was not afraid. However, they were in the middle of conspiring on more important matter, he needed the Luocha Country’s strong support, he must not offend the governor-general just because he could not control his anger. Thereupon he slowly withdrew toward the door without showing any sign of resistance.

Galitzine pulled back his gun and spoke several sentences. The interpreter said, “Zongdu Daren is asking Hong Jiaozhu not to be angry. He knew this little child is spouting nonsense. Princess Sophia has come to the east in secret, it’s impossible that the Chinese Emperor would find out about it. It is also improbable that the Chinese Emperor would give gifts to a Luocha Country Zongdu.”

Hong Jiaozhu’s anger subsided; he smiled and said, “Zongdu Daren is wise, you are able to see things clearly; indeed you would never fall under this kid’s deceit.”

Galitzine asked about Wei Xiaobao’s background. Hong Jiaozhu explained to him how Wei Xiaobao had killed the high-ranking minister Oboi, how he was sent to escort the imperial younger sister to Yunnan to complete the marriage, how he blew cowhide and patted the horse’s buttocks, and did many and varied crimes; he also added oil and sprinkled some soy sauce on how Kangxi favored Wei Xiaobao. Finally he said, “This kid is the young Emperor’s left and right hands, if we killed this kid, the young Emperor must be very unhappy. We are deploying troops on a great undertaking, chances are our success will come quicker.” While he was speaking, the interpreter unceasingly translated it into Luocha language.

With a grin on her face, Princess Sophia was looking at Wei Xiaobao with great interest; apparently, the more Hong Jiaozhu said that Wei Xiaobao was unpardonably wicked, the more she was delighted.

Galitzine was deep in thought for half a day before asking, “Chinese Emperor likes this little child very much?”

“That’s right,” Hong Jiaozhu replied, “Otherwise, he is this young, how could he hold a very high official position?”

“This little child must not be killed,” Galitzine said, “Send a letter to Chinese Emperor, tell him to get a large quantity of gold, silver and jewels as an exchange if he wants him back.”

Sophia was greatly delighted, she pecked a kiss on his left cheek, and then she spoke several sentences. These words were not translated by the interpreter; it may be assumed that she was praising him as being intelligent. Wei Xiaobao was secretly rejoicing, “As long as they don’t kill me, then it’s good. If they wanted the young Emperor to take gold, silver and jewels to ransom me, that will be very easy.” Hong Jiaozhu did not look happy at all, but he had no choice.

Wei Xiaobao took the wad of banknotes back and divided it into three packs. One pack he gave to Princess Sophia, the other pack he gave to Galitzine, from the third pack he took two banknotes worth a hundred taels each, and gave it to the interpreter, and then he put the rest into his own pocket.

Sophia, Galitzine and the interpreter were very happy. Sophia ordered the interpreter to count the money, she wanted to know how much in total, and then she ordered him to think of a way to send someone inside the Pass to exchange the banknotes into hard cash. Upon counting the banknotes, the total came to more than a hundred thousand taels; suddenly finding unexpected great wealth, they could not help but were ecstatic. She hugged Wei Xiaobao, and repeated kissed his cheeks left and right; she said, “The money is enough, let the child go back!”

Wei Xiaobao thought that if he was let go this time, Hong Jiaozhu would definitely pull his tendon and peel his skin; thereupon he hastily said, “Such a beautiful princess, I have never seen one. I want to see you for several more days.”

Sophia giggled tenderly; she said, “We, tomorrow, return to Moscow.”

Wei Xiaobao had no idea what kind of place was this ‘Moscow’, he said, “Beautiful Princess, go to Moscow, little child high-ranking official, also go to Moscow. Beautiful Princess, go to the moon in the sky, little child high-ranking official, also go to the moon in the sky.”

Seeing his wit, Sophia was very fascinated; she nodded and said, “Very well, I take you to Moscow.”

Galitzine knitted his brows slightly; he was about to prevent her, but then he smiled and nodded. “Very good,” he said, “We will take you to Moscow.” And then he waved his hand toward Hong Jiaozhu.

Hong Jiaozhu did not have any choice but to take his leave. As he walked out the door, he glowered at Wei Xiaobao. Wei Xiaobao stuck out his tongue to him and made faces; he said, “Hong Jiaozhu enjoys immortal good fortune forever, your long life the same as the heaven’s.” Hong Jiaozhu was extremely angry; he led Lu Gaoxuan and the others leave without saying anything.

---

[4] Tou laozi: tou – classifier for animal, laozi – old man, father, ‘I, your father’.

[5] Laotouzi: old man, used contemptuously.

[Anh Nam]

Thanks Foxs

[smurf120]

Moscow here we come!!!!

[aliderhamy]

I enjoyed this immensly

[tweety365]

Wow, it took some time to finally catch up on the reading. Been so busy at work. What a roller coaster ride! Now we are going to Moscow! So exciting. I'm constantly amazed at WXB's wit, schemes, and luck.

Thanks for still translating, foxs .

[crazee]

Thanks for the new update Foxs.

Again I like these few sections...
Somehow or rather, I feel JY is really great. XB's actions seems to be very natural. Going along the tide.
One just cannot fault the story line.....for me at least.

XB's great, taking Hong Jiau Zhu's gifts and double it. It's a wonder Hong Jiau Zhu did not burst and die of anger.
And such skill in handling the princess....wow. ....double wow. !!! More R parts coming ???

[9Dragons]

Haha, Xiaobao is such a shrewd prankster, insulting and riling Hong Jiaozhu, a highly respected stoic. Doubt there would have much opportunity if Madame Hong were there. Wow, I would have guessed that Hong Jiaozhu consolidate his power first before venturing to Luocha Country, since he appears to have abandoned his followers after the raid.

Xiaobao possesses supernatural luck to have escaped from death's jaws right into the Deer Mountain secret tunnels with a princess in an exposed position. And to top it off, he has already began disrupting the alliances between the conspirators.

[Drak17]

Lol. Oh man. Hong Jiaozhu is having a headache dealing with Xiaobao! Who doesn't! Hahhaa.

[Han Solo]

Do you think that Luocha country should be translated as Russia?

Han Solo

[foxs]

Anh, you are welcome. Smurf, I like your excitement. Ali, thanks. Tweety, welcome back! How long have you been gone? How was the trip? Baby is one year old, right? Crazee, I feel that I made the right decision in translating the original, Jin Yong has so much more details than what Minford has translated. 9Dragons, Drak, again, in this case Hong Jiaozhu cannot do anything because of the Russians. Han, thanks for the suggestion, but as I repeatedly stated, I do not wish to take too much liberty (someone else already did). Faced with the choices of keeping the original or the 'politically or grammatically correct' phrase, I opted for the former. See also Chapter 30, where Jin Yong explained that Luocha Country was Russia. If Jin Yong used the term 'Luocha Country', I don't want to change it to 'Russia'. I hope you understand.

---

Luocha Country Emperor was called the Tsar, that year he was twenty years old, his name was Fyodor the Third[6]. Sophia was his older sister. This Fyodor III was born with disability, he was unable to move freely; day-to-day he handled the national affair from his bed.

Luocha’s social custom was greatly different from China’s propriety, the relationship between men and women was always casual. Sophia’s natural disposition was unrestrained, plus she was beautiful, considerable number of princes and dukes, and high-ranking military officers were her lovers. Governor-general Galitzine was handsome and elegant, he was the Princess’ favorite. He was sent to the East, to two fortified cities Nerchinsk and Yaksa, to attempt to enter and scout China’s Mongolia and Liaodong. The city of Yaksa happened to be the place where the Manchurian Eight Banners’ treasure was hidden. This place was the major crossroad where two great rivers converged; unexpectedly as if by prior agreement Manchu people and Luocha people picked this very same place.

By nature the Princess was very active and always wanted to have a good time, hearing that the East was mysterious and strange, plus she missed her lover, she went so far as to come after him, traveling tens of thousands li from Moscow to this remote place. Although Sophia liked Galitzine, she would never dream of being faithful and single-minded. That day she discovered the tunnel inside Galitzine’s room, her interest was piqued, hence she went down to investigate. The tunnel went outside of Yaksa city, it was connected to the sentry post cabin; originally it was prepared by the governor-general as an escape route for fear that there was a rebellion in the city. When Sophia saw that guard, she spoke to him and teased him, and then fooled around with him.

At this time hearing that Wei Xiaobao wanted to go to Moscow with her, she thought that it was a fascinating idea, hence she decided to take him and Shuang’er along. Sophia had a team of two hundred Cossack soldiers as her escort; sometimes they rode horses, sometimes they sat on sleds, journeying westward every day on the boundless great snowy plain.

After traveling for more than twenty days, they had left Yaksa city very far behind, Hong Jiaozhu could not possibly catch up with them anymore. When Wei Xiaobao asked, to his surprise he learned that Moscow was still more than four months away; he could not help but was shocked. “Isn’t that at the ends of the earth?” he asked, “Traveling for four more months, Chinese little child will turn into foreign tou laozi.”

“Do you want to go back to Beijing?” Sophia asked, “Are you tired of looking at me?”

“Looking at beautiful princess for a thousand years, ten thousand years, I will never tire,” Wei Xiaobao replied, “But I am scared of a journey this far.”

During the last twenty days or so, Sophia had been chatting with Wei Xiaobao to relieve boredom; she learned quite a bit of Chinese words. Wei Xiaobao was intelligent and sharp, he also learned not a few of Luocha words. The two of them on a lonely journey, one was originally not a chaste woman, the other was not a gentleman at all; one already failed to keep herself pure, the other was unwilling to sit quietly without letting his mind wandered randomly. Inevitably they were ‘tying some misty water marriage affinity’ with each other. [This is literal translation, I am sure the reader would understand what it means.]

Now that Sophia heard that he wanted to return to Beijing, she could not help but feeling somewhat reluctant to part with him. “I won’t allow you to go,” she said, “You escort me to Moscow, accompany me for a year, then I let you go back.”

Wei Xiaobao groaned inwardly. After being together with her for the last several days, he knew that the Princess was resolute; if he did not follow her wish and decided to simply leave, most likely she would send the Cossack soldiers to kill him. Thereupon with smile across his face, he repeatedly said that he was utterly delighted.

That evening, he quietly discussed with Shuang’er whether they might have an opportunity to escape. Shuang’er said, “Whatever Xianggong thinks is the best, I will follow your instruction.”

Wei Xiaobao turned his gaze toward the boundless snowy plain, and heaved a deep sigh. He shook his head, knowing that if the two of them run away without enough provision, even if Sophia did not send anybody to pursue them, they would definitely freeze or starve to death in this great snowy plain. Previously, in the forest and snowy plain of Liaodong, although it was desolate and frigid, they could still go hunting and look for food. This time, even small birds were barely seen; sometimes they travelled for a whole day without seeing a single track of animal footprints, let alone spotted deer. Without any other choice, they had to follow Sophia to the west.

At first Wei Xiaobao was worried about the young Emperor, whether Wu Sangui had started the rebellion, whether that beautiful little girl Ah Ke was in Kunming or not; he also wondered where Hong Jiaozhu and Fang Yi had gone. But after traveling on the great snowy field for more than a month, even these thoughts had gradually faded away. In this world of ice and snow, it seemed like his brain had also frozen into ice. Luckily his natural disposition was cheerful and carefree without any worries; sometimes he spent time with Sophia telling nondescript Luocha jokes, sometimes he told Shuang’er some crazy tale that he invented himself, this way he did not feel too lonely.

One day they finally reached the outskirt of Moscow. By that time it was already the fourth month, the weather was getting warmer, ice and snow had already melted. He noticed that although Moscow city wall was solid, thick and gigantic, the construction was very crude. Looking far toward the city, he saw that the buildings inside were also filthy, simple and crude. Let’s forget about comparing it to Beijing, Yangzhou or other big cities, even compared to Central Earth’s small and medium-sized towns, it was still far inferior. Only several big cathedrals with domes and spires looked magnificent.

As soon as Wei Xiaobao saw all these, he held Luocha Country in contempt, “Dog-fart Luocha Country, what’s so great about it? In our China, this kind of place is only fit to raise cattle and raise pigs. Yet along the way this Princess has always been tooting her horn about the bustling city of Moscow.”

When they were still several dozen of li from Moscow, the Princess’ guards had already galloped into the city to report. They heard the bugle, from the city a squad of soldiers carrying firearms came out on their horses. By nature Luocha people loved to invade and occupy, and annex their neighboring countries, as a result, their territory was vast, from east to west the distance was several tens of thousands li. The people were mixed. The nation’s elite troops were Cossack cavalry; they charged to the east and fought to the west, besieging towns and seizing lands, subduing people of various races. The other one was firearm battalion, a brigade of sharp-shooters; they were the Tsar’s personal guards who surround and protect the national capital.

When these gunmen[7] galloped near, Sophia was shocked because she saw black feathers on the numerous officer and soldiers’ hats and black cloth hanging from their guns. It was the sign of national mourning. Hastily she galloped her horse forward and asked loudly, “What happened?”

The firearm brigade captain dismounted and stepped forward; he bowed and said, “Reporting to Princess: His Majesty has suffered the misfortune of being summoned by God, and has left the country and its people to go to the Paradise.”

Sophia was deeply grieved; with tears in her eyes she asked, “When was that?”

The captain said, “If Princess were to arrive four days earlier, you would be able to bid farewell with His Majesty.”

Although Sophia was aware that her Tsar brother was weak and she knew that he would not live long, but suddenly received this terrible news, she was still unbearably grieved; she bent down on the saddle and cried bitterly.

Seeing the Princess suddenly cried, Wei Xiaobao asked the interpreter, and learned that the Luocha Country Emperor had passed away. He was inwardly delighted, “Luocha Country Emperor did not enjoy immortal good fortune, the country must be chaotic for a period of time; it won’t be easy for them to dispatch troops to attack China.”

Sophia and her retinue followed the captain entering the city; she wanted to go straight to the Palace. The captain said, “Empress Dowager instructed me to ask the Princess to rest in the Hunting Palace outside the city.

Sophia was both startled and angry. “What Empress Dowager?” she shouted, “Which Empress Dowager wants to deal with me?”

The captain waved his left hand, the gunmen raised their firearms and took aim at the guards escorting the Princess, telling them to surrender their swords and spears and ordering the guards to dismount.

The Princess angrily said, “You want to rebel?”

The captain said, “Empress Dowager is afraid that when Princess is back, you won’t obey the new Emperor’s imperial decree, thus she ordered Xiao Jiang [lowly general] to protect Princess.”

Sophia’s face was bulging red. “New Emperor?” she said angrily, “Who is the new Emperor?”

The captain replied, “New Emperor is His Majesty Pyotr the First.”

Sophia tossed her head backward and laughed aloud. “Pyotr?” she said, “Pyotr is a ten-year old little child, what kind of Tsar can he be? You said about Empress Dowager, are you talking about Natalya?”

“Precisely,” the captain replied.

Sophia’s father, Tsar Aleksey Mikhailovich married two empresses. The first empress gave birth to many sons and daughter, the former Emperor Fyodor the Third and Princess Sophia were her offspring, she had another little child names Ivan. The second empress Natalya was a lot younger, she only gave birth to one child, which was Pyotr.

Sophia said, “Take me to the Palace, let me see Natalya to reason with her. My younger brother Ivan is older than Pyotr, why not set him up to be the Tsar? What about the cabinet ministers in the imperial court? Don’t anybody talk reason anymore?”

The captain said, “Xiao Jiang only follow Empress Dowager and Tsar’s order, Princess please don’t take any offense.” Finished speaking, he took the bridle of Sophia’s horse and led it eastwards.

Sophia was seething in anger; in all her life, who dared to be this rude to her? Raising her horsewhip, she lashed it out on the captain’s head. The captain simply smiled and moved sideways to evade. He jumped onto his own horse, and then led his troops to surround the Princess, along with Wei Xiaobao and Shuang’er, and took them to the Hunting Palace outside the city. The firearm brigade then set up a perimeter guard, not allowing anybody to go out.

Sophia was crazy with rage; she trashed the furniture and whatever she could find in the bedroom. The Hunting Palace chef had already prepared food and beverage for her, it was also thrown onto the chef’s face.

After several days like this, they saw the guarding outside the Hunting Palace was not the least bit relaxed. Sophia summoned the captain, she asked how long they would shut her off in this Palace. The captain said, “Empress Dowager’s order: Princess is to rest in here until His Majesty Pyotr the First celebrate his fiftieth year of ascending the throne. By that time Princess is going to be released to participate in the celebration.”

Sophia was furious, “What did you say?” she asked, “Pyotr celebrates his fiftieth anniversary of ascension, won’t that mean I will be confined here for fifty years?”

The captain smiled and said, “Xiao Jiang will turn forty this year, I believe I won’t be able to serve the Princess for fifty years. In ten or fifteen years, there will be a younger captain who is going to take my place.”

Thinking that she would be confined in this place for fifty years, Sophia shivered all over although it was not cold. Forcing a laugh, she said, “Come here Captain, I think you are exceptionally handsome.” She was thinking of enticing him by her beauty, let the captain grovel under her flowing skirt, and then in his confused state of mind he would let her go.

The captain bowed deeply and took a step back instead. He said, “Princess please forgive me. Empress Dowager has issued an imperial decree: all the officers and men of the firearm brigade, whoever touches just one of Princess’ fingers will be beheaded immediately. If the captain is killed, deputy captain will rise to take his place; if the deputy captain is killed, the first squad’s platoon leader will rise to take his place. Everybody wants to get promoted, they are watching everybody else very closely.” Turned out the Empress Dowager had known for some time that the good-looking Sophia was a loose woman; if she did not issue this stipulation, perhaps they would not be able to lock her up.

After the captain withdrew, Sophia had no strategy left to try, she could only crouch on the bed and cry, while continuously hurling curses to Empress Dowager.

After being locked up in the Hunting Palace for many days, Wei Xiaobao saw that the Princess was throwing a temper tantrum every day, the musketeers who were guarding them were also very rude and cruel; he thought that it was only natural that a demon place like this would have demonic air. He talked it over with Shuang’er several times, they both felt that to escape from this Hunting was achievable; however, if they wanted to return to the Central Earth, it would be more difficult than difficult. If they had no one to guide them, they could be lost in the great prairie. Forget about riding on a carriage or on horseback for four to five month to reach Beijing, they would be confused and disoriented only after four or five days of travel, and would not know east from west or south from north. The two of them were at their wit’s end. With nothing better to do, Wei Xiaobao spouted nonsense endlessly just to win Shuang’er’s laughter and to ease the load in their minds.

One particular day he was telling the story of Tang Xuanzang leading Sun Wukong, Sha Wujing and Zhu Bajie to the Western Paradise to fetch the Sutra. Wei Xiaobao said, “I’ll wager that the Western Paradise that Tang Xuanzang visited was not as far as Moscow. Therefore, I am more formidable than Tang Xuanzang. If you don’t believe me, let’s make a bet.”

Shuang’er had no interest in gambling at all; she said, “If Xianggong says that you are more formidable than Tang Xuanzang, then so be it. I don’t want to bet with you. I am not as formidable as Zhu Bajie.” While saying that, she pursed her lips and laughed.

Suddenly from the Princess’ room they heard the noise of things thrown down, the rattling of the bed, the stomping of feet, and the sound of crying. Wei Xiaobao sighed and said, “I’ll go to console her; always crying and making noise, what’s the use?” Going to the Princess’ room, he said, “Princess, don’t cry. Let me tell you some jokes.”

---

[6] Fyodor (Theodore) III Alexeyevich of Russia (9 June 1661 – 7 May 1682) was the Tsar of all Russia between 1676 and 1682. (From Wikipedia)

[7] The dictionary definitions are gunmen/musketeer (from ‘musket’), but when the word ‘musketeer’ came to my mind, I would imagine Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D’Artagnan; hence I opted to use the first definition. Additional info from Ace High: Streltsý is the Russian version of musketeers. They were armed with firearms (arquebuses, muskets). They are also collectively known as Marksman Troops (Стрелецкое Войско).

[foxs]

Double-post. It said 'application fails to respond', hence I must have clicked it twice. Even then I was not sure it went through, so I restart my computer. Turned out it already posted. My apology.

[crazee]

thanks foxs..... errr double posting ??? or double treat ....or my notebook is like me crazee???

Wow, XB is in Moscow and for 50 yrs ...boy is he going to be bored.

[Anh Nam]

Thanks Foxs

[tweety365]

Thanks for the update, foxs. I was only out of state for 1 week, but just busy with work and personal life. Hence, I haven't read your translation for close to 2 months. Regarding any baby... erm... I think you have me mixed up with someone else. There are no little tweeties yet .

50 years jail time is really harsh. Especially for a promiscuous woman like Sophia. I'm thinking WXB will come up with some ingenious plan to save the beauty

[crazee]

50 years jail time is really harsh. Especially for a promiscuous woman like Sophia. I'm thinking WXB will come up with some ingenious plan to save the beauty

If I'm the dowager, I'll do the same especially if Sophia is as beautiful and promiscuous as stated. Sex was and I reckon is still one of the best weapon any woman can have....what more if she's beautiful and fun loving like Sophia...

Well, XB is in for a good time or is it hell ? Lucky he had Shuang er with him. Imagine if it's ah Ke ...50 yrs, maybe he'll be sucessful in winning her....

[foxs]

Tweety, I am so embarrassed. I was confused ... I think SkyWalker is the one with the baby. Both of you have been gone for a long time, hence when I saw you back, I remembered the baby. Please accept my apology. Anh, you are welcome. Crazee, WXB will die of boredom if he had to be confined for even a year.

---

Sophia was lying face down on the bed, her feet kicking randomly. “I don’t want to hear, I don’t want to hear,” she said while crying, “I want the Tsaritsa [English: tsarina or czarina] to go to hell, I want Tsaritsa Natalya to go to hell.”

Wei Xiaobao did not understand the meaning of ‘Tsaritsa’, upon inquiring, he learned that it means ‘Tsar’s Mama’; instantly he was very happy. “I wonder what kind of evil person a Tsaritsa was, turns out she is the Empress Dowager,” he said, “Let me tell you: Chinese Tsaritsa was called the old wh0re; she was also a greatly evil person. Later on I thought of a way to drive her out of the Palace. The Emperor was very happy, hence he made me high-ranking official.”

Sophia was greatly delighted; she turned around and sat up. “How did you do that?” she asked.

Wei Xiaobao thought, “I expelled the old wh0re just because she was the fake Empress Dowager. Your Luocha old wh0re is actually genuine goods at fair prices, the real Tsaritsa. Naturally my way won’t work here.” He said, “I was in cahoots with the young Emperor in dealing with Chinese Tsaritsa.”

Sophia knitted her brows, “Pyotr loves his mama very much, he won’t listen to me to fight against the Tsaritsa. If only … if only …” She shook her head, got out of bed, and paced back and forth barefooted on the carpet, while biting her lip in deep thinking.

Wei Xiaobao said, “In China we had a female emperor, called Wu Zetian[8]. This female emperor married many male empresses and male wives, she was very merry. Princess, I’ll say you are more or less the same as she was, it would be better for you to be the female Tsar.”

Sophia’s heart was moved. She had never thought about it, Luocha Country had never had female Tsar, she always thought that women could not be Tsar. If China has had female emperor, why can’t Luocha Country have female Tsar? Ever since she was kept prisoner in the Hunting Palace, she was frightened and angry; her brain had never stopped churning, but she was only thinking about how to escape the Palace. Even if she had to go east to Yaksa and be with Governor-general Galitzine, it would be much better than being imprisoned by the Empress Dowager in this place. Hearing Wei Xiaobao bringing up ‘female Tsar’ just now, it was as if a new heaven and earth had just appeared before her eyes.

She turned around, with sparkle in her eyes she placed her hands on Wei Xiaobao’s shoulders, planted a light kiss on his left cheek, and said with a smile, “If I become a female Tsar, I will make you my empress.”

Wei Xiaobao’s heart jumped in fright; he thought, “This absolutely must not happen.” He said hastily, “I, Chinese, cannot be Luocha Country’s male empress; you can make me high-ranking official.”

Sophia said, “You can be the empress and high-ranking official at the same time.”

Wei Xiaobao thought, “You don’t even know if presently your life can be guaranteed, yet you are exhausting your delight by making me the empress and high-ranking official at the same time.”

Sophia said, “Quickly think of a way to make me female Tsar.”

Wei Xiaobao frowned; speaking about important military or national matters, his knowledge and experience was indeed very shallow. Undoubtedly compared to Kangxi it was like the difference between the heaven and the earth; but compared to Chen Jinnan, Songgotu, Wu Sangui, and the others he was still far too inferior. “Princess,” he said, “This matter is very difficult, I cannot think of anything. Let me go back to Beijing immediately, and ask our young Emperor, let him come up with an idea. And then I will come back here with a group of highly skilled people to catch that Tsaritsa Luocha old wh0re, and catch young Tsar Pyotr; it will be a great success.” When he spoke about ‘great success’, four characters [da gong gao cheng], he could not stop himself from embracing Sophia and kissing her.

“Oh,” Sophia exclaimed, “That won’t do! That won’t do! You return to Beijing and come back to Moscow, a year won’t be enough. I will be dead by then, go to Paradise.”

Wei Xiaobao thought she was right; he sighed and said, “Beautiful Princess, go to Paradise, Chinese little child high-ranking official, also go to Paradise.”

Sophia pushed him back gently, she said, “Chinese little child, know how to speak and deceive people. Joyous roar of the crowd, useless. Pat … pat cow’s buttocks, blow horse’s skin.”

Hearing her saying ‘pat horse’s buttocks, blow cow’s skin’ [both idioms mean ‘to flatter’ or ‘boot-licking’] backward, Wei Xiaobao could not help but roared in laughter. But then he saw the despising look on her eyes, obviously she was looking down on him; he was enraged. He pondered hard, “How can I make her a female Tsar? How did Wu Zetian become female emperor? There is no harm in us in Luocha Country to leave our mark in history [orig. make a stamp on the board]. Too bad it’s too far away from Beijing, there’s no way for me to ask young Emperor or Suo Dage.”

Wei Xiaobao’s literary knowledge came from, one, listening to the storytellers, two, watching the opera. Ever since he became a high-ranking official, he did not listen to the storytellers too much anymore, although he had watched operas more. However, he had never heard or watched the tale on how Wu Zetian became a female emperor.

Gazing out window, he stared blankly and was lost in thought. Myriads of stories and plays flashed through his mind: “Female emperor I do not know, how about the male emperors? How did they become emperors? Zhu Yuanzhang [Ming Dynasty founder] appeared to the world by fighting, under his command there were great generals Xu Da, Chang Yuchun, Hu Dahai, Mu Ying …” He gleaned this fact from the tale ‘Legend of Heroic Deed of Ming Dynasty’. He also thought, “Li Zicheng led his troops to attack Beijing, thus my Sifu’s Papa, Emperor Chongzhen was forced to hang himself, and Li Zicheng became the Emperor. Qing troops then defeated Li Zicheng, old master emperor Shunzhi ascended the throne to become the Emperor. Wu Sangui wants to be the emperor; hence he raises troops to revolt. It seems that no matter who wants to be the emperor must raise arms and fight a great war, must kill until the sandstorm rolled on, until the blood flow became a river, until the bones pile up like mountain.”

As soon as he thought about war, he was scared. He thought further, “We are being locked up in here, what troops do we have? What war do we fight? If we don’t fight the war, how can we become the emperor?” His knowledge of China’s history was indeed very limited, he only knew that the only person who became the Emperor without fighting a war was the young Emperor Kangxi, and that was because the old Emperor left home and abdicated the throne for him. Naturally he could not use this method.

He thought further: in the many operas that he watched, there was this story ‘Beheading Yellow Robe’, in which the Song Dynasty Emperor Zhao Kuangyin [Song Dynasty founder] killed the great general Zheng En. His wife and children raised the troops to avenge their husband and father. Zhao Kuangyin was no match for them, he was forced to entreat piteously. He took off his yellow robe and let her chopped it with a saber into two pieces, it was considered a substitute for the Emperor to let Madame Zheng venting her anger. The Emperor was greatly humiliated.

And then there was this historical opera ‘Hatred of the Deer Platform’, about the tyrannical King Zhou. Jiang Taigong[9] helped raising the troops for Zhou [different spelling] Wuwang[10], forcing King Zhou to be burned to death on Deer Platform, and thus Zhou Wuwang became the Emperor. (Book note: naturally Wei Xiaobao did not know that at that time there was no ‘Emperor’ yet.)

How about Cao Cao[11]? How did that big white face treacherous court official become the Emperor? The historical opera ‘Fording the River Free and Unfettered’ depicted Cao Cao leading his troops to hound Emperor Han something to death, and then he rose to the throne to be the new Emperor. The great generals under his command, Zhang somebody, and Xu somebody, were very formidable. (Book note: Wei Xiaobao remembered it wrong, Cao Cao did not become the emperor.)

And then there was Liu Bei; how did he become the Emperor? Wei Xiaobao did not know. It must be Guan Gong, Zhang Fei, and Zhao Yun helped him fight the battle.

In short, to become the Emperor, one must fight. Even after one become the Emperor, if he was unable to defeat other people, then other people may snatch the Emperor position away, or if other people did not snatch it away, they may humiliate the Emperor and he would have bad luck.

The storytellers told the tale of ‘Military Instructor Lin’s fiery alliance with Wang Lun’ of the ‘Water Margin’ [Outlaws of the Marsh], Chao Ge wanted to become the leader of the bandits, he colluded with Lin Chong to kill the original big boss of the Liangshan Marsh, Wang Lun. It can be clearly seen that even to become the boss of the bandits, one must fight.

Seeing him gnashing his teeth and punching the air with clenched fist Sophia laughed and asked, “What are you doing?”

Wei Xiaobao was startled and awakened from his deep thought. “Want to be the Emperor, one must fight,” he said.

Sophia stared at him blankly. “Fight?” she asked, “Fight whom?”

“Naturally fight Luocha old wh0re,” Wei Xiaobao replied.

Sophia heard him saying ‘the Luocha old wh0re’ several times, but did not understand what ‘the old wh0re’, three characters [lao biao zi] mean. She was just about to ask, suddenly the door was pushed open, the firearm brigade captain entered the room. He grabbed Wei Xiaobao’s chest, while speaking some gibberish, and then dragged him out and kicked him heavily on the butts.

The captain burst into loud laughter, and sent another kick to him. Wei Xiaobao was furious, suddenly he leaped up and made somersault in the air and landed on the captain’s shoulder. It was precisely the ‘Di Qing Subduing the Dragon’, one of the three moves to save his life taught by Hong Jiaozhu. Actually, he had not trained this move perfectly, if it was used against a martial art master, it would be far too inferior; however, how could this Luocha captain know Central Earth martial art? Although Wei Xiaobao carelessly and haphazardly turned over and leaped, unexpectedly he still succeeded. With the forefinger of both hands pressed against the captain’s eyes, he shouted, “Don’t move! Eyes, dead!”

He wanted to say ‘Don’t move, otherwise I’ll dig your eyes out’ in Luocha language, but did not know how; without any better option, he simply said, “Eyes, dead!” But the captain’s perception was not weak, unexpectedly he understood. In great shock he stopped moving altogether.

With his right hand Wei Xiaobao pulled the captain’s right ear and shouted, “Go!” Then, just like riding a horse, he steered him back into the Princess’ room. “Close door! Firearms, take.”

Sophia was startled and delighted at the same time; busily she closed the door and took the short gun from the captain’s side, and pressed it against the captain’s back. Wei Xiaobao jumped down from his shoulder. He loosened the captain’s waistband to tie up his feet, and then he loosened up the belt of his pants to tie his hands behind his back. As soon as the belt was taken off, the captain’s pants fell down, exposing his naked lower part of the body. Sophia and Wei Xiaobao roared in laughter. The captain’s entire face blushed deep red; he gnashed his teeth in extreme anger.

The door was pushed gently, Shuang’er stuck her head inside and asked, “Xianggong, is everything alright?”

Wei Xiaobao beckoned her to come in and close the door. Seeing the captain’s distressed situation Shuang’er was amused and puzzled at the same time. Sophia asked, “We caught the captain, what for?”

Actually, Wei Xiaobao caught the captain simply because he was furious, he did not expect to use him for anything. But now that Sophia asked, a bright idea suddenly occurred. “Tell him to led the troops to rebel,” he said. He did not know how to say the word ‘rebel’ in Luocha language, hence he said it in Chinese. He also said, “Tell him to kill Tsaritsa, kill Tsar, you, become female Tsar.”

Sophia did not understand the Chinese word ‘rebel’, but she understood the sentence ‘kill Tsaritsa, kill Tsar, you, become female Tsar’ perfectly well. She was taken aback, but was immediately delighted. Turning toward the captain, she spoke some gibberish.

Wei Xiaobao did not understand a word of Luocha language the two were speaking in, but he saw the captain repeatedly shook his head; presumably he was unwilling to comply. Wei Xiaobao called out, “He doesn’t want to listen to you, kill him.” From his boot he pulled his dagger and swiped it on the captain’s left cheek. ‘Chi!’ a large clump of beard was shaved instantly.

“What a sharp dagger,” Sophia said with a laugh.

The captain was so scared that his face turned ash grey; he thought, “Turns out this little barbarian still has a dagger hidden in his leather boot; that’s really strange, why didn’t he use it that time?”

“Are you willing to surrender or not?” Sophia asked, “And support me as the female Tsar?”

The captain said, “It’s not that I don’t want to support Princess, but the troops under my command won’t possibly obey my order. Moscow has twenty firearm brigades; we are only one of them. Even if we revolt, we cannot fight the other nineteen brigades.”

When Sophia heard this, she had to agree that what he said made sense; however, she had a hard time explaining it to Wei Xiaobao. Without better option, she had to resort to sign language; when she tried to explain about the twenty firearm brigades, ten fingers were not enough, she had to take off her shoes and used her ten toes before she could count to twenty.

With great difficulty finally Wei Xiaobao was able to understand her. He thought that it was a very difficult matter indeed. Sitting on a chair, he painstakingly pondered, “This captain is unwilling to rebel, killing him would be useless.” He said to Sophia, “Captain unwilling, get the deputy captain to rebel.”

“Deputy captain?” Sophia asked.

“Right,” Wei Xiaobao replied, “Call the deputy captain.”

Sophia pushed the captain toward the door; with the gun on his back, she said, “Call the deputy captain in! If you warn him, I’ll shoot you immediately.” The captain had no choice, he called loudly to summon the deputy captain.

---

[8] Wu Zetian (624-705), Tang Empress, reigned 690-705.

[9] Jiang Ziya (dates of birth unknown - 1015 B.C.), a Chinese historical and legendary figure who resided next to the Weishui River about 3,000 years ago. A sage and military strategist, Jiang Ziya was called upon by King Wen of Zhou to serve as prime minister. His purported teachings to King Wen form the basis of the Six Secret Teachings.

[10] King Wu of Zhou (-1043), personal name Ji Fa, reigned 1046-1043 BC as first king of Western Zhou dynasty 1046-1043 BC

[11] Cao Cao (155-220), famous statesman and general at the end of Han, noted poet and calligrapher, later warlord, founder and first king of Cao Wei, father of Emperor Cao Pi. Cao Cao was the main villain of novel the Romance of Three Kingdoms.