The Deer and The Cauldron

[smurf120]

Only WXB can advice from drawing inspiration to rebel from watching operas! He doesn't know how to fight but is a master politician and can stir up trouble anywhere.

[Anh Nam]

Thanks foxs

[owlHoot]

hee thks Foxs! it would be interesting how WXB can lead the troops to revolt with the limited resources at hand..hmmm

[tweety365]

No problem on the mix up, foxs. Your memory is still much better than mine.

Things are getting so very interesting. The adaptations glossed over WXB's trip to Moscow. Lady Luck has once again helped him out. But why did the captain just barged into the Princess's room and kicked WXB for no apparent reason?

[crazee]

But why did the captain just barged into the Princess's room and kicked WXB for no apparent reason?

Yep....looks like he's too free and was looking for some fun...err was he jealous that the princess liked XB ?
What ever the reason, he's just playing with fire...underestimating the little devil heh heh heh.

Looks like fun time and action coming up.

Thanks Foxs....enjoying all of these without any doubt.

[crazee]

Thanks Foxs....enjoying all of these without any doubt.

Eh.... no additions for these few days, is there any issue ??? It's so quiet....

[foxs]

Smurf, that's the part I mentioned earlier, Minford skipped all those. Anh, you are welcome. Owl, you'll find out real soon. Tweety, thanks for not holding it against me. Crazee, but ... but ... but I had the last update just a couple of days ago ... I wish I could translate quicker, but I can't ...

---

A moment later, the deputy captain pushed the door and came in. Shuang’er had already hidden behind the door, as soon as the deputy captain came in, Shuang’er stretched out her finger to jab at his back several times, sealing his acupoints, rendering him immovable. “Xianggong,” Shuang’er said delightedly, “Foreigner devils’ acupoints are just the same as ours; I was afraid the devils’ acupoints would be different.”

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Foreign devils also have eyes, have nose, have hands and feet; naturally they also have acupoints.” He drew the girdle ornament saber the captain wore on his waist, and said to Sophia, “Tell him to kill the captain and rebel. He is unwilling, call the platoon leader here to kill him.”

Sophia thought it was a wonderful idea; she said to the deputy captain, “Kill the captain, lead the firearm brigade, you become the captain, obey my command. You are unwilling to kill the captain, I’ll get the platoon leader to kill you and the captain, and I’ll make the platoon leader captain. Will you kill or not?”

“Shuang’er,” Wei Xiaobao said, “Open the acupoints on his body, but do not untie the ones on his legs.” Following Wei Xiaobao’s order, Shuang’er unsealed the acupoints on the upper part of his body; she also handed the saber over to him.

Sophia asked one more time. The captain swore and repeatedly threatened her. Ordinarily the deputy captain was not in a good term with the captain. When he was asked to rebel, he was actually scared, but hearing the captain’s malicious swearing, he thought, “If I don’t kill you, the first platoon leader who wants to be captain will definitely kill you, and then I will also lose my life.” Thereupon he raised the saber, ‘Ca!’ he chopped the captain’s head.

As the saber chopped down, Sophia, Wei Xiaobao and Shuang’er, three people cheered at once. It’s just that Sophia was cheering in Russia, “Helaxiao!” while Wei Xiaobao and Shuang’er naturally cheered in Chinese.

Sophia held the deputy captain’s hand and repeatedly praised his bravery and loyalty. She promoted him to be the firearm brigade on the spot, saying, “Sit down, we will discuss it in details.”

The deputy captain knitted his brows; pointing to Wei Xiaobao and Shuang’er, he said, “These two foreign children used magic; the lower part of my body cannot move.”

Sophia turned to Wei Xiaobao and said, “Please, magic, gone!” Shuang’er smiled and unsealed the acupoints on the deputy captain’s lower body.

Sophia ordered the deputy captain, “Go, call three platoon leaders and their deputies, I want the Chinese children to use their magic so that their hands can move, but their legs cannot.” And she repeated her words in Chinese to Wei Xiaobao and Shuang’er.

The deputy captain complied and left. Not too long afterwards, six platoon leaders and their deputies were lining up outside the door. The deputy captain called them to come in one by one. One by one Shuang’er sealed the ‘zhi she’ [abandon hope] acupoint on their waist and the ‘huan tiao’ [jumping the hoop] acupoint on their thigh.

Sophia said, “The deputy captain is determined to support me to be the female Tsar; we are going to dispatch the troops to kill Tsaritsa. Will you obey or not?”

The six platoon leaders and their deputies saw the captain’s body lying on the floor, they knew that the situation was far from good; listening to Sophia, they were even more fearful and apprehensive, and could only looked at each other in dismay, nobody dared to say anything.

Wei Xiaobao thought, “When the Manchurian Qing entered China and robbed our rivers and mountains, in the ‘Ten Days of Yangzhou’, Tatar troops killed and burned, raped and pillaged, and thereupon the old emperor became the Emperor. Damn it, I’ll have them do ‘Ten Days of Moscow’, stir the whole country in rebellion, the more chaotic the better. Monk holding an umbrella, no hair no sky! [i.e. no protection from the law, ‘fa’ (hair) sounds like ‘fa’ (law, Buddhist teaching)] If we did not do this, how can we become the Emperor?” He said to Sophia, “Tell them to enter Moscow and fight, kill people, set fire, promise them that they will become generals and high-ranking officials, plus lots and lots of gold and silver, everybody can seize beautiful women as their wives!”

Sophia thought it was not a bad idea; she said to the deputy captain, “Go gather all the gunmen, I want to speak to them.”

More than 600 gunmen assembled on the Hunting Palace square. The deputy captain sent for twelve gunmen and had they carried the six platoon leaders and their deputies, whose acupoints were still sealed, to the square.

Sophia stood on the stone steps and spoke loudly, “Gunmen, you are Luocha Country’s brave warriors, you have rendered great merits for the country, but your pay is too low; you have no beautiful women, no money to spend, not enough wine to drink, the house you live in is too small, too uncomfortable. Inside Moscow there are many rich people, they have big houses, with lots of servants, and lots of beautiful women, which you do not have. Is this fair?”

When the numerous gunmen heard this, they all shouted together, “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!”

“Those rich people are fat and stupid,” Sophia continued, “Probably they eat fat pigs every day. If they have a duel with you, can they beat you? Can those wealthy people’s marksmanship surpass yours? Can their swordsmanship surpass yours? Have they rendered any merit to the country? To the Tsar?”

For each question she asked, the crowd of gunmen replied in loud voice, “Niante!” [I think this is supposed to be ‘nyet’, Russian word for ‘no’] Wei Xiaobao heard the crowd responding with ‘Niante’ after ‘Niante’; he knew that in Luocha language, this word means ‘no’. He did not understand what Sophia was saying, he thought the Princess was still trying to persuade the gunmen to rebel, but the crowd was unwilling to listen and obey; he could not help but was worried.

Sophia continued, “You deserve to be generals, to be rich! Each and every one of you deserves to be promoted and gain wealth.”

The crowd of gunmen cheered loudly. Someone asked, “Princess Sophia, what can you do to make us get promoted and gain wealth?”

“Do you want to be generals?” Sophia asked.

“We do!” the crowd of gunmen shouted.

“Do you want to have lots and lots of money?” Sophia asked.

“Of course we do!” the crowd of gunmen shouted.

“Do you want to have beautiful women?” Sophia asked.

The crowd of gunmen roared in laughter; “We do! We do!” they shouted even louder.

“Alright!” Sophia said, “All of you, go to Moscow, enter the city and tell the other nineteen firearm brigade that you are under Princess Sophia’s order, I am the female Tsar, the entire Luocha Country must obey my command. I am allowing you, every gunman, to pick a wealthy man’s house, challenge that big fat pig rich man for a duel; whoever can kill him, that rich man’s big house, his gold and silver, his beautiful women, carriage, steed, clothes, servants, maids, fine wine, everything will belong to that brave gunman. Do you have the guts? Are you a man, a real man? Do you dare to kill people, to seize their money, their women?”

The crowd of gunmen yelled with one voice, “We dare, we dare, we dare! Killing people, seizing their money, seizing their women, why should we be afraid?”

Sophia was greatly delighted. “That’s very good,” she shouted, “I was afraid you are all cowards, you don’t dare to do great things! Quickly get the vodka! Hey, go to the cellar, bring the best vodka out.”

There were several bottles of decades-old vodka stored in the cellar of the Tsar’s Hunting Palace, very famous and valuable; originally it was intended for the enjoyment of the Tsar, the Empress, the Princess, the Prince, as well as the aristocrats and high-ranking ministers, how could these gunmen ever have a taste? Upon hearing Sophia’s order, the crowd of soldiers exploded in cheers; immediately several dozen of them rushed to get the wine.

Shortly afterwards, the soldiers in the square drank bottle after bottle of vodka to their hearts’ content; they yelled in delight, “Sophia, female Tsar, Wula, wula, wula! Sophia, female Tsar, Wula, wula, wula!”

In Luocha tongue, ‘Wula’ means ‘long live’ [orig. ten thousand years]. Although Wei Xiaobao did not understand, seeing the crowd of soldiers yelling ‘Sophia, female Tsar, Wula, wula, wula!’ incessantly, he guessed they were giving their allegiance to her. Tugging Sophia’s sleeve, he said, “Tell them to kill the twelve platoon leaders and their deputies, there will be no turning back.” [I checked both the online text and the book, and both have ‘twelve’; I think Jin Yong made a mistake here.]

Sophia nodded again and again; she called out in a loud and clear voice, “Luocha Country’s handsome and strong warriors! Everybody listen to me: I order you to kill wealthy men, seize their money, seize their women, but the Tsaritsa won’t allow you, she sent these scoundrels to control you so you won’t commit any crime!” While saying that, she pointed to the twelve platoon leaders and their deputies.

Immediately a dozen or so gunmen drew their sabers and shouted, “Kill the scoundrels!” More than a dozen sabers chopped down, hacking the six platoon leaders and their deputies to their death.

Luocha people were originally violent and insolent; now that they drank some vodka, their body temperature rose. Immediately the flesh and blood of the twelve platoon leaders and their deputies flew everywhere; these people were even more uncontrollable. They yelled, “Kill the scoundrels, seize their money, seize their women!”

Sophia said, “Go to Moscow, tell the other nineteen firearm brigades to do this together. Whichever captain is not willing, kill him immediately. Whichever aristocrat, general, or high-ranking minister does not allow you, kill him immediately, seize the gold, silver, beautiful wives and daughters in their homes and divide it among yourselves. Set those scoundrels’ homes in fire.”

The crowd of soldiers cheered loudly; one after another they drew their long sabers, slung their firearms, pulled their rides, and turned around and mounted their horses. A moment later, they heard the hoof beats as the soldiers galloped toward Moscow.

Sophia said to the deputy captain, “Why don’t you go too? Why be polite? The most important thing is: don’t have any conflict with the other firearm brigades, everybody must fight together. You led your people into Kremlin, arrest the Tsaritsa and Pyotr. Have everybody seize all the gold, silver and jewels, and beautiful maids in the Palace, as much as possible; I am bestowing everything to you all.” The deputy captain was greatly delighted; he complied and mounted his horse and left.

Sophia sighed, she felt her entire body was devoid of any strength, she sat down on the stone steps and said, “I am so tired!”

Wei Xiaobao said, “Let me help you to rest inside.”

Sophia shook her head. After a while, she said, “Let us go to the watchtower to look.”

The entire Hunting Palace was constructed of thick granite, the watch tower was about eight or nine zhang high [about 80, 90 feet], it was intended to be used to observe the enemy situation. Before Luocha Country was established, it was originally called the Grand Duchy of Moscow, where Moscovian dukes and independent warlords established themselves as Tsars. The previous dynasty’s tsars was afraid that when they went hunting, the enemy would seize the opportunity to attack, therefore, they built the Hunting Palace outside the city of Moscow, so that when the enemy arrived, they would be prepared to help in defending the city.

Sophia took Wei Xiaobao and Shuang’er to climb the watchtower. Looking to the west, they faintly saw dots of light inside Moscow’s city wall. In the dark of the night, the city looked very tranquil. Sophia started to worry. “Why haven’t they fought? They, afraid?”

Wei Xiaobao did not know Luocha soldiers’ character, he was not sure if they would cower in battle or not; he had no choice but to console her, “Don’t worry, don’t worry.”

Sophia asked, “How did you know that by telling the soldiers to kill people, to seize their money and seize their women, they will kill Tsaritsa and Pyotr?”

Wei Xiaobao smiled and said, “Chinese are always like that.”

He recalled what happened in Yangzhou city in the past; he had listened when older people telling about how the Manchurian Qing soldiers besieged the city. After the Manchurian Qing entered the Pass, they met fierce resistance by the Han people in places such as Jiangsu and the others, especially Yangzhou, which held fast to their defense. The Qing army commander-in-chief hence permitted the soldiers, after they broke the city defense, to rape and pillage for a total of ten days. This ‘Ten Days of Yangzhou’ was incomparably tragic and atrocious. Wei Xiaobao grew up in Yangzhou; how the Manchurian Qing troops besieged the city without being able to break it, how the commander-in-chief gave permission to the common soldiers to seize money and women, how the Qing troops assaulted relentlessly, he had heard all these stories since his childhood, a lot.

Afterward, when he was in Beijing, he also listened to people telling the story of how Li Zicheng’s soldiers also robbing money and seizing women; how Zhang Xianzhong[12] always promised his troops that when they broke the city’s defense, they would be allowed to plunder for three days. Apparently, if they wanted the rebellion to succeed, they must incite the whole country into rebellion. To incite the whole country into rebellion, they must allow the common soldiers to rob money and seize women. Therefore, when he saw that the firearm brigade troops did not dare to revolt, he automatically mentioned the five magic words ‘seize money seize women’ [qiang qian qiang nu ren]. Sure enough, Luocha troops and Chinese troops were just the same; as soon as the five magic words were uttered, it did work like magic.

After waiting for a long time, in the darkness they suddenly saw fire in the city of Moscow. Sophia was greatly delighted. “They have made their move!” she shouted. Hugging Wei Xiaobao, she kissed him while jumping up and down.

Wei Xiaobao happily said, “They have started the fire. This will work. Killing and burning will definitely work in tandem.”

Shortly afterwards, they saw fire sprang up everywhere in the city, black smoke arose on the east side, flame blazed on the west side. Sophia clapped her hands and cheered, “Everybody is killing and burning. Xiaobao, you are really smart, the stratagem you thought is very clever.”

Wei Xiaobao smiled; he thought, “Speaking about killing and burning, rising in rebellion, our Chinese people’s skill is a hundred times better than your Luocha demons’. What’s so strange about this stratagem? We have always done it this way.”

---

[12] Zhang Xianzhong (September 18, 1606 – January 2, 1647), nicknamed Yellow Tiger, was a Chinese rebel leader who conquered Sichuan Province in the middle of the 17th century. Upon capturing it, he declared himself emperor of the Daxi Dynasty. According to Chinese chronicles, many scholars rejected that claim, so he had them massacred. After killing the scholars, he went after the women, merchants, and all the officials. Then he had his soldiers kill each other and the officers' wives' feet cut off and put on top of a mound.

[Drak17]

@crazee, it's quiet maybe because there are lurkers who's reading this, but too shy to comment (:. Coomee! And show your support, lurkers! ;D.

@foxs, thanks for the update! It's like 1-2 updates every week, which is amazing!

Time to read..~

[crazee]

Crazee, but ... but ... but I had the last update just a couple of days ago ... I wish I could translate quicker, but I can't ...

Whoops......Wu Li Da Ren, Xiao Ren Crazee bu gan..

Hi Foxs, Sorry, I wasn't commenting about you. You're fast...real fast compared to other translations..
Normally there will be a couple of posts from others daily but for the past 2 days it's been rather quiet.
I suppose everyone is busy, and I keep seeing my own post only. Sigh..guess I'm the only one who's skiving at work heh heh heh...

Now what ? rebellion ? I hope everything goes well otherwise......

[smurf120]

WXB really incited the Russians into a horrible uprising. Sophia is pretty ruthless to agree without even blinking.

Does this also mean Shang'er has the highest level of martial arts in Siberia??

[Anh Nam]

Thanks foxs
I won't complain if you take a couple of days off. You are doing a great job.

[pannonian]

Edit: never mind.

[tweety365]

Reading this story, I often forget that WXB is created as an anti-hero character and that he lacks the morals and characters of a typical hero. Everytime I feel like rooting for WXB, he does something that totally turns me off. Giving Sophia the idea to have a group of soldiers murder, rape, and pillage when he grew up knowing full well the evils of such conducts is so far beyond wrong. No wonder the tv adaptations gloss over much of the darker themes.

Thank you, foxs.

[owlHoot]

Thks Foxs, seems like its quite easy to manipulate the Russians LOL hope that the bad Tsar would be brought down soon..

Somehow, WXB doesn't miss his mother or the temptation to go back and see how things are..he only thought of opening a brothel there hahaha

[foxs]

Thanks Drak, we do need more support. Crazee, I know ... I was just teasing you. Smurf, Tweety, OwlHoot, not that I condone what he did or thought, what do you expect from a street urchin whose moral value came from storytellers and operas? But Sophia was a royalty, and a woman, didn't she have any conscience? I guess 'people' were just statistic for politicians. Anh, maybe I will ... Pannonian, tamade, now you got me curious, what was it? Care to pm me?

---

Sophia said, “You told everybody to kill the captain, kill the platoon leaders, everybody did not have any choice but to continue; even if they wanted to turn back, they cannot. Little child, very smart, Chinese high-ranking official, amazing.”

Wei Xiaobao said, “It is called ‘throwing away one’s good name/reputation’ [tou ming zhuang].”

“What ‘throwing/losing one’s life’ [diu ming shang]?” Sophia asked.

Wei Xiaobao roared in laughter, “Yes, they are throwing away their lives, they have to fight desperately.” In his heart he scolded Luocha people as being unlearned.

In the Chinese lulin [green wood, crime world], when someone was about to join the band of bandits, the bandit chief would definitely send the new brother to make a legal case, oftentimes by killing someone. After this person committed major crime of homicide, henceforth he would not inform the authority against the band of bandits. In the ‘Shui Hu Zhuan’ [Water Margin/Outlaws of the Marsh], when Lin Chong went up Liangshan Marsh to join the group, Wang Lun ordered him to kill someone and hence made a legal case; it was called ‘throwing away his good name’. Wei Xiaobao had heard many stories from the storytellers, he was well-accustomed to this practice; he thought, “Our Chinese people’s way of doing things, Luocha demons did not understand even one. It seems that although these Luocha people are vicious, harsh and rough, in the end it’s not that hard to deal with them.”

Seeing the fire in Moscow was getting bigger and bigger, and it spread all over the place, Sophia started to worry again; she was not sure what the situation would be after the firearm brigades officers and soldiers finished their random killing and pillaging. She asked Wei Xiaobao, “After killing and burning, seizing money and women, and then what?”

Wei Xiaobao was taken aback; he only knew that to rebel one must incite the soldiers to kill and burn, rob money and seize women; but what happen after that, he had no idea. Without anything better to say, he said, “That? When they rob enough money, they will stop robbing. When they kill enough people, they will stop killing.”

Sophia knitted her brows; she thought that it was not what she meant, but momentarily she was also left with nothing else to do. The three of them watched for a while, and then they returned to the Palace to quietly wait for the news.

Early in the morning the next day, the deputy captain of the firearm brigade returned to the Hunting Palace, accompanied by a small group of riders, to report to Sophia: the previous night all twenty firearm brigades obeyed the female Tsar’s order; they rampaged for the entire night, and gained gold, silver and beautiful women that their number cannot be counted; they had also killed the Tsaritsa Natalya.

Sophia was greatly delighted; she sprang up and called out, “Natalya is killed? How about Pyotr?”

The deputy captain said, “Little Pyotr is arrested and is being locked up in Kremlin’s wine cellar.”

“Helaxiao! Helaxiao!” Sophia yelled.

They heard sound of hoof beats, a large number of riders was rushing over. Sophia’s countenance changed. “Who are they?” she asked in alarm.

The deputy captain replied, “Moscow’s princes and dukes, cabinet ministers and generals are coming to ask Your Majesty to ascend the throne, to be Luocha Country’s female Tsar.”

Sophia was ecstatic; she hugged Wei Xiaobao and repeatedly kissed his cheeks left and right. “Chinese little child,” she called out, “Good strategy!”

They heard the sound of hoof beats stopped outside the Hunting Palace, followed by the sound of leather boots striking the ground; a group of people entered the Palace. The leader was the chancellor, Prince Bodonich. He walked to Sophia, bowed and said, “The nobility, ministers and generals have reached unanimous agreement to ask Princess Sophia to return to the Palace to preside over the present situation, to pacify the upheaval and restore peace and order.”

With smile all across her face, Sophia nodded her agreement. She asked, “The renegade faction chief Natalya, has she been killed already?”

Prince Bodonich reported, “Natalya disturbed the country, she murdered loyal subjects, she arrogated power out of selfish ambition, she harbored evil intentions. She had already obeyed the Heaven’s decree and was executed to the satisfaction of everyone.”

“Very good,” Sophia said, “We go to Kremlin.” The numerous ministers and the firearm brigade soldiers flocked behind Sophia to go to Moscow.

In short moment, the Hunting Palace was deserted with only Wei Xiaobao and Shuang’er remained. In his heart Wei Xiaobao was furious. “Damn it,” he cursed, “This Luocha Princess crossed the bridge and pulled the plank; the bride and groom entered the chamber, the matchmaker is pushed aside to the wall. She has become the female Tsar, now she does not want us.”

Shuang’er smiled and said, “You want the female Tsar to make you a male empress, don’t you?”

“Ah, you are making fun of me?” Wei Xiaobao said, “You think I cannot catch you?” Finished speaking, he pounced on Shuang’er. “Pfft!” Shuang’er laughed and leaped sideways to evade.

By this time it was already summer, the weather was sunny and warm, mass of flowers covered the Hunting Palace ground like brocade, hundreds of birds were singing. Only Luocha Country’s flowers and plants, birds and bugs are greatly different from the ones in China, the flowers’ beauty and fragrance, as well as the chirping of the birds, was considerably different. Wei Xiaobao grew up as uncouth marketplace boy, he did not pay any attention to such distinctions. Together with Shuang’er he roamed around the Hunting Palace ground, nobody came to disturb him; contrary to his expectation, he was quite enjoying himself.

After spending seven or eight days in peace and quiet, Sophia suddenly sent a squad of soldiers to the two of them to the Palace. As Wei Xiaobao entered Sophia’s bed chamber, he saw her hair was in a mess, she was walking around kicking the furniture that everything was crashing down in loud noise; she was throwing a fit. When she saw that Wei Xiaobao had arrived, immediately her face looked happy. “Chinese little child, quickly come,” she called out, “Make a plan, think of a way.”

In his heart Wei Xiaobao said, “If you did not come across difficult problem, you would not think of me. This time I have to knock the bamboo pole; I should not help you thinking of any stratagem that easily.” He asked, “Your Majesty Female Tsar, what difficult problem do you have?”

Sophia continuously shook her head. “I, female Tsar, no. They, don’t agree, I, female Tsar, cannot do.”

After talking for half a day Wei Xiaobao finally understood. Turned out Luocha Country had always followed the rule that women cannot be the Tsar. Although the Empress Dowager Natalya had died, a large number of generals were still throwing their support to the young Tsar Pyotr, they resolutely refused to depose him as the Tsar. By this time the riots in the city had already been stilled. Although Sophia still had the firearm brigades supporting her, the numerous ministers were well-prepared, they stationed a large number of Cossack cavalry outside the city, ready to respond by entering the city at any time. It would not be easy for Sophia to summon the firearm brigade to rise in revolution again.

For the last few days the princes and dukes, cabinet ministers and generals were having a general assembly in Kremlin, they were divided into two factions; one faction supported Sophia, the other faction supported Pyotr. Each side refused to concede to the other. The people who supported Tsar Pyotr were mostly cabinet ministers and generals who were already in power; they were afraid that went the female Tsar ascended the throne, she would stripped away their power and gave it to new people. The ones who supported Sophia were dissatisfied aristocrats and businesspeople who were hoping that with the new ruler rising to power, they would be able to fish up some oil from the water. Sophia was fortunate enough to have the firearm brigades’ support, to have the military power in her hands, so that the monarchists [‘emperor defenders’] did not dare to be reckless. But the monarchists had control over the Cossack cavalry, whose strength must not be ridiculed. If the two factions clashed, victory or defeat would be hard to tell.

Wei Xiaobao thought, “This kind of national affairs, I don’t have a clue; what kind of fart stratagem can I think of? I’d better slip away, roll the damn salted duck egg, so that when those two factions engage in free fight, Wei Xiaobao will not be blasted away and turn into Luocha caviar.”

Rolling his eyes, he said, “That’s very easy; naturally I have an idea. But I have … I want to knock on bamboo pole[13].” He wanted to say, ‘I have a condition’, but he did not know how to say that in Luocha language, hence he just said it in Yangzhou dialect, ‘knocking on bamboo pole’ [qiao zhu gang].

“What is ‘knocking on pig’s jar’ [also ‘qiao zhu gang’; different characters, different intonation]?” Sophia asked.

Wei Xiaobao said, “Knocking on bamboo pole is … this … the idea that I have, it’s not enough to simply give it to you. You give me something, lots and lots of things, then I will give you my idea.”

Sophia was greatly delighted. “Very good, very good,” she busily said, “Knocking on pig’s jar; we will knock on pig’s jar together! Whatever you want, I give you. You want to be my male empress?”

Wei Xiaobao was startled. “This, I do not dare to oblige, thank you,” he mused, “If I want to take a wife, Ah Ke is much better than you. Even Shuang’er that little servant girl is a lot better than you, Luocha woman whose whole body is hairy.” He laughed and said, “To be your male empress is naturally very good, but if this happens, you cannot be female Tsar.”

Hastily Sophia asked the reason. Wei Xiaobao said, “Because … this … that hot piece mama does not blossom!” [辣块妈妈不开花 (la kuai mama bu kai hua)] Temporarily he could not think of strong enough reason, hence he simply blurted out some Yangzhou slang. How could Sophia understand something like ‘what a little darling meek, garlic chives sautéed in leek’? [I am making it up, the original is 乖乖龙的东，猪油炒大葱 (guai guai long de dong, zhu you chao da cong), which if translated word by word won’t make any sense.]

Sophia asked, “Are you saying if Chinese man becomes male empress, Luocha people won’t be happy?”

“That’s right!” Wei Xiaobao hastily replied, “Luocha men, they say they, themselves, are good-looking, cannot be male empress. They will hate you, beat you.”

Sophia thought he was right, Luocha men would be jealous. She said, “You won’t be my male empress. Whatever else you want, I’ll give you.”

Wei Xiaobao said, “First, I want to be Luocha high-ranking official.”

“That’s easy,” Sophia replied, “After I become the female Tsar, I will bestow you the title of Earl, ruling over the eastern Tatars. You have yellow face, low nose; Tatars also have yellow face, low nose. They will submit to you.”

“Second,” Wei Xiaobao continued, “You and Chinese Emperor must not go to war. You write a letter, I will deliver it to Beijing. The female Tsar of Luocha and Chinese Emperor, be good friends, kissing each other, hugging each other. Chinese soldiers are very formidable, everybody knows magic, once they point their fingers, Luocha soldiers cannot move. If you go to ware, Luocha people will die. I love you, you die, I cry!”

When Sophia heard this, she was deeply touched. Shuang’er made her move by sealing acupoints, the firearm brigade’s deputy captain and the six platoon leaders and their deputies immediately could not move; Sophia had seen it with her own eyes. She did not know that it was Chinese’s upper-class martial art skill, it was extremely difficult to learn that even Wei Xiaobao could not do it. She thought that everybody in China knew this enchantment; she thought that if she went to war against the Chinese Emperor, she would only lose without any chance of victory. She was even more touched that this Chinese little child expressed his true feeling to her; immediately she reached out to hug him and planted a deep kiss on his lips. “Chinese little child,” she said, “I love you too. Very well, Luocha troops cannot defeat Chinese troops, everybody won’t fight, we’ll be good friends.” Clicking her tongue, she kissed him again, and then asked, “What else you want to knock on the pig’s jar? Knock again, knock again!”

Wei Xiaobao thought for a while, and then said, “Nothing else.”

“Very well,” Sophia said, “Quickly teach me, how to become female Tsar.”

Wei Xiaobao thought that it was not an easy task; he had no choice but talking about this and that, inquiring the affair of the imperial court, but still could not come up with an idea, hence he pretended not to understand her.

Sophia gradually sensed that he was using deceit; her countenance turned ugly as she said, “If you lie to me, I’ll kill you.”

Wei Xiaobao was greatly anxious. “No lies, no lies!” he busily said.

Sophia said, “In that case, I want to be the female Tsar; how?”

“This … this …” Wei Xiaobao stammered.

Sophia was furious. “What ‘this’ or ‘that’?” she said, “In the court, one faction supports me, the other faction opposes me. If these two factions fought each other and my faction lost, what do I do?”

Wei Xiaobao suddenly remember that once, the young Emperor told him that in the past, Manchurian Taizu Huangdi [Great Ancestor Emperor, i.e. the founder of the dynasty] set up four Beilei [see note 19 chapter 13]. The first Beilei was Daishan, second Beilei was Amin, third Beilei was Manggu’ertai, fourth Beilei was Huang Taiji[14]. (Book note: it was only natural that Wei Xiaobao was not able to remember the names of the four Beilei correctly.) At that time all four Beilei had his own power; hence there was power-struggle among them. Afterwards the fourth Beilei Huang Taiji won the support of the first Beilei Daishan, and then he was able to overpower the opposition, and was able to seize the great position. For this reason Daishan still had a tie with the throne, and was able to maintain his power somewhat. The prominent Prince Kang was precisely Daishan’s descendant.

Thinking about this matter, he said, “Don’t fight, take your time. You and Pyotr can be the Tsars. In the future, the cabinet ministers and generals who oppose you, one by one, you can kill slowly. And then you can kill Pyotr, and be the female Tsar.”

Sophia thought that this idea was actually very brilliant, but the ministers repeatedly said that women could not be Tsar; she was exasperated, hence she told Wei Xiaobao the situation.

Wei Xiaobao thought that when the Qing Dynasty was first founded, Emperor Shunzhi was still a young emperor; the real power lay on the Regent Dorgon’s hands. Thereupon he said, “You cannot be the female Tsar, you can become the Prince Regent first.”

“What is Prince Regent?” Sophia asked.

“Prince Regent is not the Tsar,” Wei Xiaobao explain, “But he can issue a decree to kill people, beat people’s buttocks, can give reward, promote their official position. Tsar, fake, no power. Prince Regent, real, has power; can kill people, beat people’s buttocks, can promote their official position, can give rewards, everybody is afraid, everybody listen to Prince Regent, does not listen to the Tsar.”

Sophia was greatly delighted. “Helaxiao! Helaxiao!” she shouted.

---

[13] Knocking on bamboo pole: an idiom meaning ‘extortion by taking advantage of somebody's weakness’.

[14] Hung Taiji (1592-1643), eighth son of Nurhaci, reigned 1626-1636 as Second Khan of Later Jin dynasty, then founded the Qing dynasty and reigned 1636-1643 as Emperor; posthumous name Qing Taizu.

[pannonian]

Given all the Han ranting against the barbarism of the Tatars (Manchu) in this story, I had thought it was a historical irony that the Tatars (Mongols) hadn't sacked Moscow in Batu's expedition, but the Russians did, instigated by a Han agent. But I did some more research, and it turns out the Mongols did sack Moscow after all. Novgorod and a few other cities escaped actual conquest when their rulers saw which way the wind was blowing and collaborated with the Mongols.

Intriguingly, Sartaq (son of Batu, ergo great grandson of Genghis) was the anda of Alexander Nevsky, the famous Russian hero.

Edit: Also, I don't know if you've ever watched the Joss Whedon series Firefly, but the basic conceit of its background culture was a fusion of American and Chinese cultures. Hence you'd see western characters uttering Chinese phrases, but since the actors don't speak Chinese, those phrases are usually garbled. "Ta ma de" was very recognisable though.

[Drak17]

@pannaonian, nice nice! Got to read a bit of history there ;D.

@foxs, updatess! whoossss! ;D. Thanks!

@owlHoot, Yeah it seems like he doesn't ;[. At the beginning when he went on his journey to the forbidden wall, he said that it doesn't matter if he went out for couple days, as his mom is used to him being out. But now it is like 2-3 years already ._. Bet his mom is worry sick!

[Anh Nam]

Thanks foxs

[crazee]

when he went on his journey to the forbidden wall, he said that it doesn't matter if he went out for couple days, as his mom is used to him being out. But now it is like 2-3 years already ._. Bet his mom is worry sick!

Oh... I like your thoughts....real deep. Wondering about his mom. Well I won't be surprised if she had given up him for lost...given the turbulent days then.

Thanks Foxs.... It's a Lazy Sunday afternoon....Enjoying the updates as usual.

[crazee]

Heh heh heh...It's Monday and looks like most of the ppl don't read or participate on Sundays.....