Ahhh. I missed so many updates lol. Time to catch up!
Ahhh. I missed so many updates lol. Time to catch up!
WXB is the number 1 story teller! OMG, even though I know that only 5% of what he says is the truth, the tale is still so engrossing. I want to hear more, haha.
Thank you, foxs.
Eagle, I won't be surprised ... but no. Smurf, Tweety, spending time in teahouses did indeed do him good. Does that mean spending time in front of the TV nowadays will also do us good? Hmm, I wonder ... Ali, Drak, you are welcome. Crazee, oh no, I won't fall for that. Don't you dare weixiaobao me.
Wei Xiaobao said, “Miss is indeed a female Zhuge, you can prophecy with supernatural accuracy. As the Emperor, His Majesty has everything; the only thing that is lacking is this ‘number one beauty under the heavens’. Why do you think last time His Majesty sent me, a little child to Yunnan, and not some people of virtue and prestige, a cabinet minister who has rendered great merit through hard work? It was precisely because he wanted me to take a look, whether this woman was really extremely beautiful. He also wanted me to sound out Wu Sangui, whether he would be willing to present Chen Yuanyuan to the Palace. If he sent a white-bearded high-ranking minister to handle this matter, it would be rather embarrassing, wouldn’t it? Who would have thought that as soon as I raised this subject, Wu Sangui furiously slapped the table and said, ‘You deliver one Princess here, and want to have my living Guanyin in exchange? Humph, humph, even if you give me a hundred princesses, I won’t give you any.’”
Sangjie and Galdan looked at each other, they both had a nagging feeling that they had fallen into Wu Sangui’s ruse; turned out this matter involved this kind of beauty entanglement. When Wu Sangui ‘flushed the crown in anger due to beautiful woman’ in the past, it was precisely because of Chen Yuanyuan that he forfeited the Ming Dynasty’s three hundred years’ rivers and mountains; everybody in the world knew about it. The young Emperor was young and romantic, hence this matter actually made sense.
Wei Xiaobao said in his heart, “Xiao Xuanzi, you are raw bird fish soup [see Chapter 14]; definitely you won’t covet the old turtle’s wife. I, Xiao Guizi, am facing a great catastrophe, I have no choice but to make some malicious remark about you, it is indeed not a good thing.” Seeing Sangjie and Galdan’s grim expression, he continued, “When I saw that Wu Sangui was angry, I did not dare to talk anymore. At that time, although I brought several thousand troops and horses to Yunnan, how could I match the magnificent army with thousands of men and horses under Wu Sangui’s command? What choice did I have but to shut my mouth and quietly amassed great fortune?” Galdan nodded.
“One evening,” Wei Xiaobao continued, “That big beard Hantiemo came to see me. He said he was sent by His Highness the Prince to Kunming to establish contact with Wu Sangui. But in Kunming he discovered that something was not right. He said that Mongolians are descendants of Geng something Khan, that each one is a hero and a warrior; why would they go to war and deliver their lives for the sake of Wu Sangui’s beautiful woman? He asked me to smuggle him back to Beijing to see the Emperor, he wanted to personally tell the Emperor that Chen Yuanyuan has nothing to do with Mongolian Prince and Tibetan Lama, that Mongolian Prince Galdan has already had Miss Ah Qi, he can’t possibly want to have Chen Yuanyuan. Tibetan Great Lama also has … has a lot of good-looking Tibetan girls …”
“Nonsense!” Sangjie shouted, “We, Yellow Hat Lama strictly maintain purity, rule and monastic discipline, we can’t possibly have a voracious desire for beauty and lust.”
Wei Xiaobao hastily said, “It was Hantiemo who said that, it has nothing to do with me. Great Lama, to win favor from the Emperor, I am afraid Hantiemo told him not to worry, he can be rest assured that you will fight over Chen Yuanyuan.”
“Humph,” Sangjie said, “Next time I see Hantiemo, I will ask him clearly, whether he was telling lies, or it was you who told lies, and thus ruin my clean reputation.”
Wei Xiaobao was secretly delighted, “He wants to ask Hantiemo, apparently he won’t kill me right away.” He busily said, “Yes, yes, next time you can tell me to confront Hantiemo. You are helping Wu Sangui to revolt, honestly you won’t get any benefit. Even if the rebellion was successful, if the two of you don’t have any manacles handy, you will always be fearful and apprehensive …” Suddenly seeing angry expression appeared on Sangjie’s face, he said hastily, “Great Lama, you treat emptiness as appearance, and appearance as emptiness; when you see Chen Yuanyuan, naturally your heart will not be tempted, it’s just that, it’s just that … ay!”
“It’s just that what?” Sangjie asked.
Wei Xiaobao said, “Last time I went to Kunming, Chen Yuanyuan came out to welcome the Princess, were not several thousands of people being crushed to death? These dead people’s families wanted to conduct burial ceremony, but suddenly they could not invite any Buddhist monk or Taoist priest.”
“Why?” Ah Qi asked.
Wei Xiaobao said, “Many of those monks who saw Chen Yuanyuan had their worldly desire aroused; in one day, several thousand monks in Kunming returned to secular life, they did not want to leave home anymore. Just think, suddenly the number of monks decreased by several thousands, naturally there was not enough monks to perform the ceremony.”
Galdan and the others, three people, were half believing and half-doubting; they all thought that his story was rather too unbelievable, but toward Chen Yuanyuan’s beauty, they had no doubt at all. Ah Qi cast a glance toward Galdan, she said softly, “Kunming is a strange place, I don’t want to go there. If you want to help Wu Sangui, you can go alone.”
“Who said that I want to go to Kunming?” Galdan hastily said, “I do not wish to see Chen Yuanyuan. In my opinion, our Miss Ah Qi is not necessarily inferior to Chen Yuanyuan.”
Ah Qi’s countenance sank, she said, “You said that I am not necessarily inferior to Chen Yuanyuan, obviously you are saying that I am inferior to her. You definitely want to see her.” While saying that, she stood up and said, “I am leaving!”
Galdan was greatly embarrassed; he hastily said, “No, no! I swear to the Heaven, in my whole life, I will not cast a single glance to Chen Yuanyuan.” Ah Qi turned from anger to happiness; she sat back down.
Wei Xiaobao said, “You will not cast a single glance to Chen Yuanyuan, you are speaking correctly. No matter who, as soon as he sees her, will one glance be enough? A hundred glances, a thousand glances will not be enough.”
“You little devil,” Galdan cursed, “You only know how to talk nonsense. I swear not to see Chen Yuanyuan forever, and that’s that. If I see her, let my eyes be blind immediately.” Ah Qi was greatly delighted; she gazed at him full of tender feelings.
Wei Xiaobao said, “I listened to the young Emperor speaking, he really did not understand why the two of you want to help Wu Sangui. If it is because of Chen Yuanyuan, then nothing we can do; there is only one Chen Yuanyuan under the heavens, even the young Emperor does not have it. Other than because of this beautiful woman, whatever Wu Sangui has, the young Emperor has ten times as much. If the two of you are willing to help the Emperor, gold, silver, money and valuables, you will get whatever amount you want.”
Sangjie coldly said, “Although Tibet and Mongolia are poor, we do not covet gold, silver, money and valuables.”
Wei Xiaobao thought, “These two do not want gold, silver, money and valuables, they do not want beautiful women, what do they want the most?” He had a second thought, “That’s right,” he mused, “Lowly men cannot survive a day without money, great men cannot survive a day without power. I, Wei Xiaobao, am a little man, these two are great men.” Thereupon he said, “The young Emperor said, Galdan is only a prince, his power is not high enough, if he helps me fighting Wu Sangui, I will make him the Mongolian King.”
Galdan’s eyes shone with delight; he said excitedly, “The Em … Emperor really said that?”
“Of course!” Wei Xiaobao replied, “Why would I lie to you?”
“There is no such thing as ‘Mongolian King’ in the world,” Sangjie said, “If the Emperor can really help His Highness to be the Dzungar Khan [orig. ‘zhun ka’er han’], His Highness will be perfectly contented.”
“Possible, possible!” Wei Xiaobao said, “This title ‘zheng ge’er hao’ [complete/total good], the Emperor will definitely agree to grant.” While in his heart he mused, “What in the world is damned ‘total good’? Could it be there is another title ‘half good’?”
Looking at his expression, Sangjie knew that Wei Xiaobao did not understand; he said, “Mongolia is divided into several divisions, among those, the Dzungars are the biggest. Mongolian rulers are not called ‘Kings’, they are called ‘Khans’. His Highness the Prince is not a Khan yet.”
“So that’s how it is,” Wei Xiaobao said, “As long as Your Highness the Prince helps His Majesty, won’t become one or two Zhengge’er [complete/total] Khan be easy? The Emperor can issue an edict, send several tens of thousands troops and horses, will the other Mongolian people dare to resist?”
Hearing this, Galdan was very happy; he said, “If the Emperor is willing to do that, naturally it will be easy.”
Wei Xiaobao struck his chest and said, “You don’t have to worry, leave it to me, I’ll accomplish it for you. His Majesty hates only Wu Sangui, one person. Although Miss Ah Qi is beautiful, as long as you keep the Emperor from laying his eyes on her, I guarantee that he won’t snatch her from you. As for Great Lama Sangjie, if you help the Emperor, His Majesty can make you the grand ruler of the entire Tibet.” He did not know what they called the grand ruler of Tibet, hence he did not dare to speak irresponsibly.
Sangjie said, “The entire Tibet is under the Living Buddha Dalai Lama’s rule, the office cannot be casually bestowed by the Emperor.”
“Others can be the Living Buddha,” Wei Xiaobao said, “Why can’t you? In Tibet, how many Living Buddhas are there?”
Sangjie said, “There is also Panchen Lama Living Buddha, altogether there are two.”
“That’s right,” Wei Xiaobao said, “One day cannot have three suns, but everything else must have three to make sense. We can ask His Majesty to grant the title Living Buddha Sangjie. Grand Living Buddha Sangjie will be in charge of Da something, Pan something, two little Living Buddhas.”
Sangjie’s heart was moved; he mused, “This kid talks nonsense, but he actually made some sense.” Thinking about this, a smile appeared on his thin face.
This moment Wei Xiaobao was only trying to survive and escape with his life, whatever the opposite party asked, he would readily agree. Much less granting these people the titles of Dzungar Khan or Tibetan Grand Living Buddha did not cost him one tael of silver. He said, “I am not tooting my horn, whatever plan Xiongdi suggested to the Empeor, 99% he will see, hear and obey. Besides, the two of you agree to fight Wu Sangui, not only the Emperor will bestow the title to you, Xiongdi will render great merit as well, I will definitely enjoy promotion and gain wealth. As the saying goes: ‘the imperial court needs good people to be the officials’. In the imperial court, Xiongdi is a high-ranking official, the two gentleman separately become high-ranking officials in Mongolia and Tibet; I’ll say it would be better if the three of us do obeisance and become sworn brothers. From now on the three of us will enjoy blessing together and will face difficulty together; we are not fated to be born on the same year same month same day, but willing to die on the same year same month same day. In this world, other than the young Emperor, the three of us are the greatest; won’t that be wonderful?” He thought, “To die on the same year same month same day, these words are important. As soon as the two of them nodded their heads in approval, they cannot kill me. If they do, it will be the same as committing suicide.”
Before Sangjie and Galdan went to Yangzhou, they had already investigated carefully, and knew that this young Imperial Envoy was the number one favorite among the people who served in front of the Emperor, his career has enjoyed meteoric rise, his promotion was speedy; it’s just that they had never imagined that he was the same youngster they had met in the past. Galdan did not have any enmity with him to begin with. Sangjie had his twelve younger martial brothers killed by his master and he, and had his ten fingers chopped because of him; originally he hated Wei Xiaobao to the bones, but after listening to his talk, he thought that his martial brothers were dead, they could not be brought back to live, his fingers were chopped and would not grow anymore. Even if he could strike this man dead with his palm, he was merely venting his anger; nothing more. If he helped Wu Sangui accomplishing his goal, he would simply exert his strength in vain, without any benefit to himself. But if he became sworn brother with him, he would absolutely reap tangible benefit, the advantage to him was really great. The two of them ‘you look at me, I look at you’, they both slowly nodded their heads.
Wei Xiaobao was overjoyed at the unexpected turn of events; he would have never imagined that his speech would move these two evil people’s hearts. Afraid that they might change their mind, he hastily said, “Da Ge, Er Ge, Er Sao [big brother, second brother, second sister-in-law, respectively], let us swear brotherhood right now. It does not matter if Er Sao wants to join us or not, as soon as you bow to the Heaven and the Earth with Er Ge, we become one family.” Blushing, Ah Qi spat, but in her heart she felt that this little kid really know how to make people happy.
Sangjie suddenly stretched out his hand and ‘slap!’ he broke a corner of the table. Wei Xiaobao was shocked. “What is he doing?” he mused.
He heard Sangjie said in stern voice, “Wei Daren, whatever you told me, today I believe you. But if in the future you repeatedly changing, you don’t live up to your promises, let the corner of this table become your example.”
Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Whatever Da Ge says, the three of us brothers will do it together, everybody will reap the benefit. If Xiongdi deceive the two of you, you can dispatch army from Mongolia and Tibet to give the Emperor some trouble; if the Emperor is angry, he would definitely have my head chopped. Two Gege please think, will Xiongdi dare to do you wrong?”
Sangjie nodded and said, “Well said, you are right.”
Immediately the three of them arranged the red candle in the hall, kneeled down and bowed toward the outside to become sworn brothers. Sangjie was the oldest, Galdan next, Wei Xiaobao became the third brother. He bowed to the first brother and the second brother, and then also kowtowed to Ah Qi, while calling her ‘Second Sister-in-law’ in a very intimate way. He thought, “Now that you have become my Er Sao, next time I am fooling around with my own wife Ah Ke, I wonder if you’d feel embarrassed to do so.”
 Gelugpa School of Tibetan Buddhism.
 Wikipedia has a couple articles on Dzungar and Galdan, as well as Sangjie (Sengge). If you are interested, search using those three keywords.
Thank you Foxs. Nice way to start the weekend.
Interesting that these two fell for Wei Xiaobao's words. Truly, if you can guess people's minds you'll get to your objectives.
Kangxi already covered for him when Wei Xiaobao invented a false edict to get himself out of trouble with the Princess, so I'd guess he'd have no problem letting him invent more stories as long as he gets results.
Xiaobao is too formidable with his mouth! Such glib tongue.
Heaven did not bestow him invincible martial arts, but they gave him invincible mouth! Lol.
Honestly I meant what I said and I really wonder.... wish I can do it and I'm sure the rest of those who religiously follow this thread will vouch for me......
Really beautiful, our hero can turn his enemies into brothers, how I wish I have that skill, imagine my enemies...errr let me see how many I have......errr, errr....errr....my boss scolded me...do I consider her as my enemy???? ..forget it, I don't wish to swear brotherhood with her......
What next...he settled the 2 fellow and Ah Qi and the stupid a Ke and Zheng is out cold....I suppose he should castrate the Zheng fellow and solve all his personal problem.
Eagle, that's true. Problem is: not everybody has that kind of ability. Tweety, CYY is a real historical person. But usually the standard of beauty back then is not the same as now. Who knows? Perhaps she was a bit plump ... not skinny like Hollywood's standard of beauty. Pannonian, I don't think Kangxi knew. WXB told Kangxi a lot of things, but usually Jin Yong said 'he skipped such and such'. I don't recall the incident you mentioned. I want to reread, but right now I want to finish this first. Drak, that, plus be in the right place at the right time. Crazee, perhaps having her as your sworn sister is not a bad idea. But how do you know that she is not an spcnet reader? Perhaps she also likes wuxia ... you have to be careful!
Ah Qi picked up the wine pot and poured four cups; she laughed and said, “Today the three of you boys swore brotherhood, I wish from now on you will carry things through, that you will accomplish this great undertaking. Xiaomei [little sister, referring to self] toast the three of you a cup.”
Sangjie also laughed; he said, “Naturally I must drink this toast.” Finished speaking, he picked up the wine cup.
“Dage, wait!” Wei Xiaobao hastily said, “This wine is spoiled, it’s not too clean, we must have it replaced. Waiter!” he called out loudly, “Quickly get some wine.” He felt something was not right, “What happened in Lovely Spring Courtyard? It’s been quite a while and I haven’t seen anybody serving us.” But then he remembered, “Ah right, seeing a fight, plus some government officers get killed, the brothel proprietress, the turtle slave must have run far away.”
Right this moment, he saw a turtle slave came in with head hung low. “What is it?” the man mumbled.
Wei Xiaobao mused, “The turtle slaves of Lovely Spring Courtyard, which one I did not know? This fellow must be new, how can he be this without-propriety toward the guest? He must be so scared that he turned silly.” He shouted, “Quickly get two pots of wine.”
“Right away!” the turtle slave replied, turned around and left.
Looking at the turtle slave’s back, Wei Xiaobao’s heart was moved. “Uh! Who is this man? I have seen him during the day at the Chinese peony garden outside the Chanzhi Temple; how can he be a turtle slave in here? Something’s strange here.” He pondered deeply, and soon his back was wet with cold sweats. “Ah!” he exclaimed, and sprang up.
“What is it?” Sangjie, Galdan and Ah Qi, three people asked in chorus.
Wei Xiaobao spoke in a low voice, “This man is Wu Sangui’s martial art expert warrior in disguise. He must have heard everything we said just now.”
Sangjie and Galdan were shocked; they both said, “In that case we can’t let him live.”
“Two Gege,” Wei Xiaobao said, “Please … please don’t act too soon. Let’s pretend we did not know, we’ll see how many are they, and … and what trick they are playing.” While saying that, his voice was actually trembling.
If that turtle slave was really Wu Sangui’s warrior in disguise, he would not be this panic-stricken; actually, that man was Divine Dragon Cult’s Lu Gaoxuan. This man was coming with him from the Divine Dragon Island to Beijing, and had been in contact with Wei Xiaobao for quite a long time. This time his disguise was extremely ingenious, his real face was completely unrecognizable; but looking at his back, Wei Xiaobao had a feeling that it looked familiar. Outside the Chanzhi Temple that day, he had not recognized him; but now at the Lovely Spring Courtyard he saw the same back once again, he felt something was not right, hence he gave it a careful thought, and only then did he realize who the man was.
If it was only Lu Gaoxuan, one person, Wei Xiaobao had nothing to fear. It seemed that outside the Chanzhi Temple Lu Gaoxuan had overheard Wei Xiaobao accidentally said that he wanted to go to Lovely Spring Courtyard to listen to songs, hence Lu Gaoxuan also came and disguise himself as a turtle slave. But since he was here, most likely Fat and Thin Toutuo were also here. Perhaps even Cult Leader Hong has also personally come. If Wei Xiaobao wanted to repeat his ruse by having Hong Jiaozhu to swear brotherhood with him, to pledge that they were going to die on the same year same month same day, it would be extremely difficult. The more he thought about it, the more he was scared. Beads of sweats appeared on his forehead.
He saw Lu Gaoxuan came in, carrying a wooden tray with two pots of wine. With his head hung low, he put the wine pots on the table. Wei Xiaobao mused, “He hangs his head low, must be because he is afraid I might see through his disguise. Humph, I wonder who else is coming?” He said, “How come there’s only you in the Courtyard? Quickly call some more people to serve us.”
Lu Gaoxuan let out an ‘Um’, and quickly turned around and left. Wei Xiaobao said in a low voice, “Da Ge, Er Ge, Er Sao, wait for my signal. If I roll my eyes and throw my head back, you must act immediately, kill whoever comes in. This man has superior martial art skill, it is no small matter.”
Sangjie and the others nodded their compliance; but in their hearts they thought, “What’s so amazing about Wu Sangui’s warrior even if his martial art skill were higher? There is no need to make such a big fuss over nothing.”
A moment later, Lu Gaoxuan came back with four prostitutes, who then separately sat by the four people’s side. When Wei Xiaobao saw them, he did not recognize all four prostitutes, they were not the original Misses of the Lovely Spring Courtyard. All four of them were extremely ugly, some had drooping eyes, some had twisted mouth, or sickly yellowish skin or dark skin, or perhaps bumpy face like they had edema, or face full of scars. Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Lovely Spring Courtyard’s girls are very pretty.”
He saw the one sitting by Sangjie, a young woman with face full of scars, winked at him, and signaled him with her eyes. Wei Xiaobao saw her eyes were alive, her glance was very beautiful; he thought, “These four are from Shen Long Jiao, deliberately disguising themselves like this, but she is repeatedly signaling me with her eyes, I wonder what’s her intention?” He picked the original Mi Chun wine and poured one cup each for the four prostitutes. “Everybody must drink one cup!” he said.
In the brothels, there was no such thing as the guest pours the wine for the prostitutes. As soon as the guest reaches out toward the wine pot, the prostitute would immediately pour the wine; but these four prostitutes only sat down with their heads hung low. Wei Xiaobao pour the wine for them, unexpectedly the four of them did not say a single word. Wei Xiaobao mused, “These four women masquerade as prostitutes, their skill is extremely lacking.” He said, “You are here to serve the guests, how come you did not understand the custom? You must drink one cup first.” While saying that, he poured another cup and said to Lu Gaoxuan, “Are you new? You can’t even be a turtle. All of you are disrespecting the guest’ wine; if the guest is angry, would he spend his money?”
Lu Gaoxuan and the four prostitutes thought that it was really a brothel’s custom, they all replied, “Yes!” and picked up the wine and drank it.
Wei Xiaobao said with a laugh, “Now that’s good. Are there more turtles and prostitutes in the courtyard? Call everybody here for me. Such a big Lovely Spring Courtyard, how come there are only the five of you? I am afraid this is rather strange.”
The prostitute with swelling yellowish face signaled Lu Gaoxuan with her eyes. Lu Gaoxuan turned around and left. When he returned, he brought two turtle slaves along. With a hoarse voice he said, “No more prostitutes, but we have two more turtles.”
Wei Xiaobao was secretly amused; he thought, “Prostitutes, turtles, are the terms people say behind your back; you are a turtle slave yourself, how can you say ‘prostitute’ and ‘turtle’? Even if you are a patron of the brothel, you can’t be this rude. In the courtyard, you would say ‘Miss’ and ‘waiter’. I just tested you, and immediately you ‘reveal the horse’s foot’. Humph, humph, Hong Jiaozhu can prophecy with supernatural accuracy, but even in his dream he would never imagine that I, Wei Xiaobao, grew up in this Lovely Spring Courtyard.”
He saw that both the two turtle slaves were big, fat and tall. One was Fat Toutuo in disguise; he could tell with just one look. The other one vaguely reminded him of Thin Toutuo, but how come he was this tall? After a quick thinking, he knew that his feet must have stepped on some elevated platform; if Wei Xiaobao had not known in advance, he could never have guessed. Wei Xiaobao poured two more cups of wine and said, “The guest tell you turtles to drink, you two turtles must drink!”
Fat Toutuo quietly picked up the cup and drank; Thin Toutuo was hot-tempered, he could not show restraint. “You, little b@stard, are a turtle!” he cursed.
Lu Gaoxuan hastily pulled his sleeve and shouted, “Quickly drink the wine! How could you dare to offend the guest?”
This time Thin Toutuo became a turtle slave, he had received the Cult Leader’s strict warning. He was startled and quickly drank his wine.
“Is everybody here?” Wei Xiaobao asked, “Is there anybody else?”
“Nobody else,” Lu Gaoxuan replied.
Wei Xiaobao said, “Is Hong Jiaozhu also masquerade as a turtle?” When he said those words, he rolled his eyes and threw his head backwards.
As soon as Lu Gaoxuan and the others, seven people, heard this, they were shocked; the four prostitutes rose up at once. Sangjie had been preparing himself by circulating his chi, his hands moved simultaneously and hit Thin Toutuo and Lu Gaoxuan’s waists. As soon as these two fingers moved, Lu Gaoxuan fell down immediately; but Thin Toutuo only grunted before he swiped his palm in a hacking move toward Sangjie’s head. Sangjie was surprised; he thought that his ‘two Zen-fingers’ skill could be considered unparalleled in the world. After his fingers were poisoned and shortened by one section, his movement was not as agile as before; but precisely because the fingers were one section shorter, when it hit the enemy’s body, the power was thirty percent stronger than before. This moment he was very sure that he had hit the acupoint on this big and fat man’s waist, why did the man act as if nothing had happened to him? Could it be just like Wei Xiaobao, he had also trained ‘Jin Gang Hu Ti Shen Gong’ [Vajra’s (Budha’s warrior attendant) (or diamond) divine skill to protect the body] to perfection?
Actually, these two did not have any ‘Jin Gang Hu Ti Shen Gong’ at all. Wei Xiaobao was impervious of saber and spear, because he was wearing the treasured vest to protect his body, while Thin Toutuo was standing on stilts so that he was one chi taller. Sangjie thought that he was really a tall and sturdy person, so that when he aimed his jab, his middle finger actually hit the outside of Thin Toutuo’s thigh. Thin Toutuo felt a sharp pain, but his acupoint was not sealed.
By this time Fat Toutuo already fought Galdan. The prostitute with face full of scars fought with Ah Qi. Another prostitute pounced on Wei Xiaobao. Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Are you crazy? [the original word implies ‘sexual craziness’, sex maniac] Why are you dressed in ugly appearance ugly shape like this?”
He saw like a pair of claws, the prostitute’s ten fingers came swiftly and viciously toward him. He was shocked; immediately he ducked down and crawled underneath the table. Stretching out his hand, he pushed the prostitute’s legs. The prostitute had drunk the Mi Chun wine, by this time the drug was starting to take effect; her mind blurred, as soon as Wei Xiaobao pushed, she was unable to stand, she swayed several times before her buttocks landed on the floor, and then she was unable to stand anymore. The other three fake prostitutes also fainted one after another.
Thin Toutuo and Sangjie exchanged several moves. Thin Toutuo did not like the stilts as they impeded his movements; sending his strength to his legs, ‘crack, crack’, he broke the stilts. Sangjie cursed, “Turns out you are a dwarf.”
Thin Toutuo angrily said, “Formerly Laozi was a lot taller than you are; I like to be a dwarf, what does it have to do with you?”
Sangjie laughed aloud. While their mouth exchanged words, their hands and feet did not stop moving least bit. Both of them were martial art experts; after exchanging several moves, they both admired each other. Sangjie thought, “Unexpectedly there is such fat and short warrior under Wu Sangui’s command with this kind of superb martial art skill.” While Thin Toutuo thought, “Although your martial art skill is high, you have been made a hunting dog [i.e. lackey] by this little demon Wei Xiaobao; not a really good role [referring to Chinese opera].”
On the other front, after several moves Galdan proved to be no match for Fat Toutuo. It’s just that Fat Toutuo had drunk Mi Chun wine, his hands and feet were not too agile, hence the reason Galdan had not been knocked down yet. Ah Qi saw that the prostitute who fought with her had very exquisite style, but after no more than several moves, the prostitute fainted; Ah Qi was baffled. Turning her head, she saw Galdan withdrew repeatedly; hastily she rushed to help him.
Fat Toutuo’s vision blackened, his body swayed several times, he felt the enemy struck the pit of his stomach with a palm, but the power behind the palm was not formidable. He closed his eyes and stretched out his hands in different directions to parry the opponents’ arms. The index fingers of both hands hit the enemies’ armpits. Ah Qi immediately felt her body weakened and slowly slumped to the ground; she collapsed on top of Lu Gaoxuan’s back. While panicked, she saw Fat Toutuo suddenly lurched forward and fell.
“Ah Qi, Ah Qi,” Galdan called out, “How are you?” Suddenly Fat Toutuo leaped up and sent a punch toward Galdan’s chest, sending him back several zhang that he heavily crashed onto the wall.
Fat and Thin Toutuo’s internal energy was really deep; although they had drunk the Mi Chun wine, it was no more than ordinary knock-out drug used by the brothels, not something that was difficult to deal with. Although the two of them were dizzy, their internal strength was enough to overcome the drug’s effect. By this time Thin Toutuo felt as if his eyes were covered by a veil of mist, Sangjie’s shadow blurrily swayed back and forth in front of him. Each strike he sent was easily parried by Sangjie, while his left shoulder and right cheek successively ate two fists.
Sangjie’s fist power was very heavy, even though Thin Toutuo’s skin was rough his flesh thick, he could not endure it. He could not help but repeatedly howling before turning around and running out of the door.
Lu Gaoxuan shakily tried to stand up; the acupoint on the upper part of his body had not been unsealed, with a blurry vision he also rushed out of the door.
Galdan was hit by Fat Toutuo that he crashed onto the wall, he felt as if his back was about to break apart. In his heart he was actually scared, but he saw the enemy was supporting himself against the table with his left hand, while his eyes were closed, and his right palm constantly moving in front of the pit of his stomach, as if he was afraid the enemy would attack. Galdan seized this opportunity by leaping forward and sending a violent kick toward Fat Toutuo’s buttocks. Fat Toutuo roared, his left hand reached backward to grab the pit of Galdan’s stomach and raised him up. Sangjie rushed forward to help. Fat Toutuo suddenly opened his eyes; still grabbing Galdan, he rushed out of the Sweet Nectar Hall, and flew over the wall.
“Put him down!” Sangjie shouted, as he ran after him and leaped over the wall in hot pursuit. The sound of the two men shouting gradually vanished in the distance.
Wow, action, and more action. Looks like Shen Long Jiau really lives up to their name...really all out to get XB. I would suppose if he did not have so many guards with him he would have been captured earlier.
Shucks, XB don't have a chance to castrate that guy.....wonder if Ah Qi knows Ah Ke is around....
That is one big gathering! That room must be really big to fit all those people with room to fight. Their disguises sound pretty bad though. Mongolian Prince and Ah Qi sound like a sweet couple actually - I have new appreciation for Mongolian openness after reading LOCH - them getting worked over by WXB was too easy.
But that is another achievement - in terms of foreign affairs I don't think any official in the history of the world has achieved as much as WXB in the span of 2 years.
Thanks foxs I got home from Vietnam and my Internet was cut off due to someone trying to get a commission for an Internet service I did not order and did not want. That was a nightmare to straighten out \.
@smurf120. Lady luck is really with Xiaobao. lol.
@Anh Nam. That doesn't sound pleasant!
@crazee. If he did that Ah Ke would hunt him down. I could already imagine him saying "Stinking girl! you already have a husband and you went to flirt with him, count himself lucky that I didn't kill him!"
Lol. He is EXTREMELY thick-skinned! hahaha.
Crazee, Drak, I guess you guys are right, it boils down to one word: obsession. Smurf, what amazes me more is the bed ... the text says it is only 6 feet wide, yet that many women could fit in it, plus WXB was able to do ... you know, that thing ... in such a crowded space, how did he do that? Anh, sorry to hear that. Is the problem resolved now? Pannonian, you are right, I did not remember that part. You guys are amazing, how could you remember such detail? I definitely have to reread.
Wei Xiaobao crawled out from underneath the table. He saw a bunch of people sprawling all over the floor; Shuang’er and Zeng Rou lay down on the corner of the hall, four fake prostitutes fainted on the floor, Zheng Keshuang was originally slumped over the table, during the fight the chairs were pushed over that he rolled down under the table. The lower part of Ah Qi’s body was draped over an overturned chair, the upper part of her body was lying on the floor. All these people were motionless; some had their acupoints sealed, some were unconscious because of the Mi Chun wine, it was as if they were all dead.
The one Wei Xiaobao most concerned of was Shuang’er; hastily he held her up. Seeing her eyes were turning and she was breathing as usual, he was relieved; it’s just that he could not unseal her acupoint, hence he had no choice but to lift Shuang’er, Zeng Rou and Ah Qi, three women, up and sat them on the chairs.
Concerned over his mother’s safety, he rushed toward her bedroom. He saw Wei Chunfang was lying on the floor by the bed and was greatly shocked; hastily he helped her up. He saw her body limp, yet her breathing and heartbeat were normal, he guessed her acupoint must have been sealed by Divine Dragon Cult people. In the Lovely Spring Courtyard, all the prostitutes and turtles must have had their acupoints sealed too, they should be able to wake in several sichen [two hours], hence he did not have to worry.
Returning to the Sweet Nectar Hall, he cocked his ears to listen attentively, and did not hear the least bit sign that Fat and Thin, two Toutuo or Sangjie and Galdan had returned; he mused, “The fake prostitute with face full of scar was signaling me with her eyes, apparently she was telling me to be careful. This person’s conscience is good, I wonder who she is.” He walked over and stooped down to wipe the woman’s face several times. A layer of plaster flaked off, exposing a tender and lovely, white and soft cheek. Wei Xiaobao cheered; turned out this woman was Xiao Junzhu Mu Jianping.
Lowering his head, he kissed her face gently and said, “When all is said and done, you still have conscience toward me; you must have been forced by them to deceive me.” Suddenly his heart jumped, “Who are those three fake prostitutes? Is Miss Fang among them? That little wh0re is a specialist in harming me, if this time she is not here, I will be greatly surprised.” Thinking about Fang Yi, his heart was both sweet and bitter. He saw that the woman with swollen yellow face had a slim and graceful body, most likely she was Fang Yi. Thereupon he reached out to wipe the makeup from her face. The putty powder fell, exposing an attractive, beautiful and charming face; she was around five, six years older than Fang Yi, but her countenance was more beautiful than Fang Yi. Turned out she was Madame Hong Jiaozhu.
After she was drunk, her cheeks looked like peach blossom, her skin looked as if it exuded water. In the past, although Wei Xiaobao felt that Madame Hong was beautiful and alluring, he had never dared to look at her with the least bit of frivolous intention. This time she was as drunk as mud, the opportunity had presented itself. Extending his right hand, he pinched her cheek, and saw her eyes tightly closed; she did not feel the pinch at all. His heart was thumping wildly, he pinched her other cheek.
Turning around, he walked over to the other two women. These two women’s bodies were obese, they did not look like Fang Yi at all. One of these women had fiercely pounced on him. Wei Xiaobao picked up the wine pot and drenched her face with the wine, and then pulling her lapel, he used it to wipe her face, exposing her real face; surprisingly she was the fake empress dowager. Wei Xiaobao was greatly delighted; he thought, “I am rendering a really great service. His Majesty and Empress Dowager wanted me to arrest this old wh0re for revenge. With thousand ways, a hundred plans I failed to arrest her, who would have thought she unexpectedly came to the Lovely Spring Courtyard on her own to be an old wh0re. It can clearly be seen that by calling her the old wh0re, all along it was a divine strategy, early on I have a foresight.”
Wiping the fourth fake prostitute’s makeup, he found out that behind the makeup was Fang Yi’s face. Wei Xiaobao was greatly shocked, “How did her waist become so thick? Could it be that she had an illicit intercourse with a man and conceive a child? By the heaven and the earth, the old wh0re really became an old wh0re, could it be that Little Turtle Wei has indeed become a little turtle?” Reaching out, he ran his hand over her undergarment, his hand did not touch skin and flesh; when he pulled it, turned out it was a pillow. Wei Xiaobao laughed aloud; he said with a laugh, “Your conscience is a lot worse than Xiao Junzhu’s. For fear that I might fall into your evil scheme, she repeatedly signaled me with her eyes. But for fear that I might recognize you, you even dare to disguise yourself as a big-bellied woman. Ha ha … you, little wh0re, become a big-bellied woman in Lovely Spring Courtyard, I will have an abortion for you. Early morning abortion or late night abortion, I will have the pillow taken out of you.”
Walking out of the hall, he saw several personal guards lying dead on the ground. The courtyard was without lantern, without any flame; there was not even a whisper to be heard. He thought, “Fat and Thin Toutuo have drunk the drugged wine, in the end they won’t be able to defeat those two sworn brothers of mine, but if Hong Jiaozhu and the others waiting to rescue them on the outside, the outcome will be very difficult to say. Two Gege, if today you return to heaven, please forgive Xiaodi [little brother] for not accompanying you dying on the same year same month same day!”
Returning to the hall, he saw Madame Hong, Fang Yi, Mu Jianping, Shuang’er, Zeng Rou, and Ah Qi, six beautiful women were either unconscious or unable to move. Each one had her own beauty, each one had her own charm; his heart was greatly moved, he mused, “There is another good-looking young Miss inside on the bed, she is a lot more beautiful than these six persons, the one I already bowed to the Heaven and the Earth with, but have not consummate the marriage in bridal room with ornamented candles. Tonight you anxiously looked for me, if your husband did not pay you any attention, won’t I be too cold and ruthless [orig. ‘without any sense of justice’]? Won’t I wrong you too much?”
He was about to step inside when he noticed Zeng Rou’s pair of pretty eyes was fixed on him, her cheeks were blushing, her expression was tender and bashful; he thought, “From Wangwu Mountain to Yangzhou, along the way you, this little girl, were always avoiding me, I can’t even talk to you one more sentence. Tonight I must not be too polite to you.” He carried her in his bosom into the room and put her by Ah Ke’s side.
He saw Ah Ke was still fast asleep; her long eyelashes hung down, the corner of her lips slightly curled into a smiling expression. Most likely in her stupor she was having a very sweet dream, she was being intimate with Zheng Keshuang.
Wei Xiaobao thought, “Either give up, or go through to the end. I might as well have this bunch of old wh0re, fake prostitutes, good Miss, bad women, everybody moved in. This is Lovely Spring Courtyard, women came to a brothel, what good could they possibly do? It was you who came here, when you are awake, you can’t blame me.”
Since childhood, his lofty ambition was to open a big brothel in Yangzhou, to come to Lovely Spring Courtyard and have dinner party with singsong girls, to have the prostitutes of the entire courtyard to accompany him. This moment, although the situation was not the same as the plan he drew in the former days, actually it was quite a magnificent feat, not a small matter indeed.
Immediately he carried Shuang’er, Ah Qi, Madame Hong, Fang Yi and Mu Jianping, one by one into the room. Finally even the fake empress dowager was also brought in. Eight women lay side by side on the bed. Suddenly he recalled, “Must not take unfair advantage of a friend’s wife. Er Sao, you are my older brother’s wife; we are heroes and warriors, must uphold yi qi.” Hence he carried Ah Qi back into the hall and sat her properly on the chair. He saw there was a considerable praise in her gaze. Seeing her lovely and pretty countenance, her labored breathing, her chest moved up and down endlessly, Wei Xiaobao suddenly felt regret, “I become sworn brothers with Great Lama and Mongolian Prince, it was not because we have affinity with each other, but simply because of a scheme, so that they won’t come to kill me; those Da Ge, Er Ge are nonsense. This Miss Ah Qi is so pretty, it’s a pity to call her Er Sao, I might as well make her my wife. The storyteller has told the story of ‘Three Laughing Marriage Affinities, Nine-Beauty Scheme’, Tang Bohu had nine wives. If I include Ah Qi, I only have eight beauties, still short one beauty. Pei, pei, pei!” he spat, “The old wh0re is old and vicious, how can I consider her as a beauty?”
Compared to Tang Bohu, he was short one beauty; it was still acceptable. But now he had to lose two beauties, he was actually quite disappointed. Thereupon he brought Ah Qi back into the room. But only a few steps later, he suddenly recalled, “Guan Yunchang escorted Huang Sao [older brother the emperor’s wife] for a thousand li; he did not turn Liu Da Sao into Guan Er Sao [referring to Liu Bei and Guan Yu, Romance of the Three Kingdoms]. Wei Xiaobao escorted Er Sao for seven steps, I can’t ignore yi qi too much. If I have to have two less beauties, then let me short two beauties; why afraid that I can’t get it back in the future?” Thereupon he immediately turned around and put Ah Qi back on the chair.
Ah Qi did not know the raging battle inside his mind; being brought back and forth like that, she wondered what kind of trick he was playing, and was a bit surprised.
Wei Xiaobao entered the room and said, “Miss Fang, Xiao Junzhu, Madame Hong, the three of you entered the Lovely Spring Courtyard to be prostitutes on your own. Shuang’er, Miss Zeng, the two of you voluntarily came with me to Lovely Spring Courtyard. What kind of place this is, although when you came you did not know, but since little girls have come to this kind of place, it won’t be right if you don’t accompany me. Ah Ke, you are my wife, you came here to patronage my Mama, that is, you patronage your own mother-in-law. Your husband is going to patronage you.” Stretching out his hand he pushed the fake empress dowager far away to the corner of the bed. He shook and spread the quilt to cover the remaining six women. Kicking his shoes off, with a loud shout he crawled into the quilt.
Heaven and Earth in confusion. After an unknown period of time had passed, the candle on the table went out, the room became completely dark. Also a long time had passed, Wei Xiaobao hummed the ‘eighteen touches’ in a low voice: “A hundred and seven touches, touching Jiejie Meimei’s [older and younger sisters] seven hands … a hundred and eight touches, touching Jiejie Meimei’s eight feet …”
During this ‘seven-hand, eight-feet’, suddenly he heard tender and gentle voice softly said, “No … don’t … Zheng … Zheng Gongzi … is that you?” It was precisely Ah Ke’s voice. She drank the Mi Chun wine the earliest, after sleeping for a long time, the drug effect gradually diminished, and she slowly regained her consciousness.
Wei Xiaobao was furious; he thought, “Even in your dream you are thinking of Zheng Gongzi, thinking that he is climbing onto your bed; is it good?” Lowering his voice he said, “It’s me.”
“No, no!” Ah Ke said, “You must not …” She struggled a little bit.
Suddenly they heard Zheng Keshuang’s voice calling out from the hall, “Ah Ke, Ah Ke, where are you?” Crash! Bang! There was a lot of noise as the chair, as well as the cups and plates on the table fell down to the floor.
Since his voice was coming from the hall, naturally the one embracing her was not him; in her shock Ah Ke’s mind sobered a little bit. With a trembling voice she said, “You … who are you? Why … I … I …”
Wei Xiaobao said with a laugh, “It’s your own husband; don’t you recognize me?”
To say that Ah Ke was mildly surprise was a gross understatement. She struggled desperately to break away from his embrace, but her body was limp and without any strength. “Zheng Gongzi, Zheng Gongzi!” she cried out in fear.
Zheng Keshuang staggered into the room, but there was not the least bit of light inside, ‘Bang!’ his forehead bumped onto the doorframe. “Ah Ke, where are you?” he called out.
“I am here!” Ah Ke replied, “Let me go! Little demon, what did … what did you do?”
“What?” Zheng Keshuang was baffled; he did not know that the last two sentences were addressed to Wei Xiaobao.
Wei Xiaobao was very excited and in high spirit, how could he be willing to let her go? “Good Shidi,” Ah Ke pleaded, “Please, let me go.”
Wei Xiaobao said, “I said I won’t let go, then I won’t let go! A real man gave his words, dead horses cannot pull it back.”
Zheng Keshuang was startled and angry at the same time, “Wei Xiaobao,” he said, “Where are you?”
With an air of complacency Wei Xiaobao replied, “I am on the bed, embracing my wife. I am in the bridal room with ornamented candles; what are you doing here? You want to disturb the bridal chamber?”
Zheng Keshuang was furious. “Disturb your Ma’s bridal chamber!” he cursed.
Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “You want to disturb my Ma’s bridal chamber? Not today, because today she does not accept any visitor, unless you yourself want to be the groom.”
“Rubbish!” Zheng Keshuang yelled angrily. Following the direction of the voices, he pounced toward the bed. He wanted to uncover Wei Xiaobao, but in the dark he grabbed an arm. “Ah Ke,” he asked, “Is this your arm?”
“It’s not,” Ah Ke replied.
Since it was not Ah Ke’s arm, Zheng Keshuang thought it must be Wei Xiaobao’s. Thereupon he fiercely pulled with all his strength. Unexpectedly he pulled the fake empress dowager, Mao Dongzhu’s arm.
After drinking the Mi Chun wine, her brain was murky, but feeling that someone was pulling her arm, instinctively her left hand went up and slapped backhandedly. It happened to strike the top of Zheng Keshuang’s head. Her strength had gone about 80, 90%, this palm strike did not have any real power behind it. But Zheng Keshuang was greatly surprised; he quickly turned around to withdraw. His head happened to hit the pillar of the bed and he fainted right away.
 Tang Bohu or Tang Yin (1470 – 1523), Ming painter and poet, one of four great Jiangnan talents of the Ming Dynasty.
...Heaven and Earth in confusion