View Poll Results: By having sex with someone you kinda like, but there was mention of relationship....

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  • I expect we should start a relationship after the sex

    2 33.33%
  • I don't care if we start a relationship or not; maybe even continue as friend w/benefits

    4 66.67%
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Thread: Sex = relationship?

  1. #1
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Default Sex = relationship?

    It seems that typically, when you have sex with a Chinese (/Asian?) person, they expect a relationship and that you will start treating them like your boyfriend/girlfriend right away (note: this is a lighter version of the ancient heritage that sex = marriage).

    Whereas in the West, sex is just sex. Further development is optional and often not expected.

    Since we have a mix of Asian and Western views here, what is your personal feeling on this subject?
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

  2. #2
    Senior Member Dirt's Avatar
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    If you like it you better put a ring on it.

    Edit: Frankly, I the idea that sex=relationship in East Asian cultures just isn't true anymore. I just read an article in CNN saying that divorce is skyrocketing in the PRC; the number 1 reason is infidelity. Taiwan has the worst birth rate in the world largely because of looser feelings on sex and relationships.
    Last edited by Dirt; 10-22-10 at 03:42 PM.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    I'm a typical conservative Asian so I'm going along with this:
    when you have sex with a Chinese (/Asian?) person, they expect a relationship and that you will start treating them like your boyfriend/girlfriend right away
    Otherwise you are just a jackass.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    I'm a typical conservative Asian so I'm going along with this:

    Otherwise you are just a jackass.
    Funny! But yeah, I agree. I have some liberal slanted views. That is, I think that people should go on doing what makes themselves happy without being under the moral judgments and political constraints that others possess. Personally, I am a social conservative and quite traditionally "Asian". In short, if I have chosen to sleep with you, you better know that you're my boyfriend!

    when you have sex with a Chinese (/Asian?) person, they expect a relationship and that you will start treating them like your boyfriend/girlfriend right away
    That sounds a bit awkward. In the sentence, sex happens before the relationship starts, which does happen I guess [hooking up?]. But I wouldn't start a physical relationship before there is an existing emotional one. Trust issues and all ya' know.
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  5. #5
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    I agree with GuoXiang and ByTmE.
    I believe sex is the most sacred thing in life. I wouldn't do it unless we both are ready to spend the rest of our lives together.

  6. #6
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    Depends on the situation. If both parties agree that they'd just want to have a casual thing, then I have no problem with that. But if one side is unsure, then maybe that side should find out first before they have sex - otherwise they're an idiot anyway.
    Unless you're drunk and hook up at a bar (which isn't the case here), you usually have some idea of what the other person is like and should often be able to gauge if they want a relationship or not or if they're the type of person who'd be into relationships.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    Otherwise you are just a jackass.
    Only if you tricked the person into thinking you wanted to commit, but decided to ditch them after the deed was done.

    Quote Originally Posted by xJadedx View Post
    Depends on the situation. If both parties agree that they'd just want to have a casual thing, then I have no problem with that. But if one side is unsure, then maybe that side should find out first before they have sex - otherwise they're an idiot anyway.
    Unless you're drunk and hook up at a bar (which isn't the case here), you usually have some idea of what the other person is like and should often be able to gauge if they want a relationship or not or if they're the type of person who'd be into relationships.
    This.

    Casual sex is common nowadays, and if the feelings are mutual, I don't see anything wrong with it.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylee View Post
    Casual sex is common nowadays, and if the feelings are mutual, I don't see anything wrong with it.
    It's common nowadays doesn't mean it's ok. It's still morally wrong for doing so.

  9. #9
    Senior Member milKBoi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trien Chieu View Post
    It's common nowadays doesn't mean it's ok. It's still morally wrong for doing so.
    Well i respect your views on being a virgin until marriage. Especially coming from a male.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    a relationship and sex are two different things. You can have a relationship i.e BF/GF without having sex and vice versa.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trien Chieu View Post
    It's common nowadays doesn't mean it's ok. It's still morally wrong for doing so.
    Well, you have your opinion and I have mine. It's okay to have core values, but it's not okay to impose your core values on others' behavior, especially when it doesn't involve you.

    I'm not into the whole casual sex thing, but that doesn't make those who enjoy it any worse or better than I am.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Shi-Potian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trien Chieu View Post
    It's common nowadays doesn't mean it's ok. It's still morally wrong for doing so.
    i personally feel that their is absolutely nothing wrong with it if it's a casual relationship formed at a party. in any other sober situation , like many have already said , i would need to already be acquainted with/ready for a relationship with the other party.

    now onto the reason why i quoted this particular reply. your morals, excuse me for saying so, are nothing more then socially enforced/propagated norms/restrictions placed on people by religions/media/government.

    in the first place the male drive is to sow their seeds into as many fields as possible. monogamy is not even a universal norm, and most people cheat in monogamist societys. just a few thoughts

  13. #13
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    Agree with skylee and Shi-Potian regarding TC's posts.

    If you want to wait until you marry to have sex, that's fine. It's your decision. If others want to have sex before, and as long as they aren't hurting anyone with it, that's their choice and it's fine too.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
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  14. #14
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    Sex with a traditional / conservative Asian chick means more than a relationship - she pretty much thinks that she's your wife!

    The last one of those I dated, we had been on two dates, had not bonked yet, and she was already texting me on weekend nights asking what I was up to and went with her mother to talk to mine (the mothers knew each other through mutual friends) as if we were serious already. I ran for my life!

    Bloody Asians!
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

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  15. #15
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    I will say you are smart, Candide.

  16. #16
    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    I believe in sex only with your legally married spouse. However, to answer the question, just because someone have sex with you doesn't mean you have the right to assume he or she would be your romantic partner, especially if there wasn't a relationship prior to that. If one does it with the expectations of 'trapping' the other party, that's also morally wrong!

    If you wanna have sex with someone who isn't even your boyfriend/girlfriend, that's your responsibility. Reciprocating your feelings belonged to the responsibility and freewill of the other party.

    It's crazy to even equate sex=relationship. Sex is just sex; and even if it's abused (yes, I call it abuse as long as it's outside the context of marriage & procreation) it's still just an activity.

    Relationship is a different ballgame entirely, and can take place even without physical intimacy.
    o wilku mowa...♪

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  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucre View Post
    Relationship is a different ballgame entirely, and can take place even without physical intimacy.
    relationship without physical intimacy = breakup sooner or later


    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    It seems that typically, when you have sex with a Chinese (/Asian?) person, they expect you to give them money and that you will start bothering you for money right away
    fixed

    the whole sex = relationship thing are girls from the 80s-90s
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  18. #18
    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LuNaR View Post
    relationship without physical intimacy = breakup sooner or later
    well at least control your urges till you sign the papers!
    o wilku mowa...♪

    The only thing I need to know is that I don't know anything.

  19. #19
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candide View Post
    Sex with a traditional / conservative Asian chick means more than a relationship - she pretty much thinks that she's your wife!

    The last one of those I dated, we had been on two dates, had not bonked yet, and she was already texting me on weekend nights asking what I was up to and went with her mother to talk to mine (the mothers knew each other through mutual friends) as if we were serious already. I ran for my life!

    Bloody Asians!
    Did you end up doing her?
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Candide's Avatar
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    No. I was terrifed of that chick. Who knows what she would do to me after I fall asleep??? Or worse, after I inevitably dump her? I'm very attached to my balls and I don't like acid on my face.
    "Anything you can't say NO to is your MASTER, and you are its SLAVE."

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