Thread: Random Thoughts II

  1. #2301
    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wkeej View Post
    You are quite old already (hitting the BIG 4 soon?), Ken. At our age, I think we should just keep quiet. Others' mouths do not belong to us. Let them say what they want to say. Just be forgiving.
    No. The more you let azzholes get away with stuff like this, the more they think they can take advantage of you and the more they'll push you around. You've got to stand up to jerks like this, otherwise there will be no end to the abuse.

    My dilemma is weighing my past friendship with this dude against the way he's treated me more recently (this is the second time he's thrown me under the bus during the past five years; I forgave him the first time, but I'm having a really hard time doing it again).

    Quote Originally Posted by Grundle View Post
    Dude, you have been friends for 15 years. At some point or another one of you will do something to piss the other one off. You are telling me you would rather piss away 15 years because you got upset once? Get real dude, just tell him he's a dick and that next time he should handle it better. Then you two can go out for beers and all is well in the world.
    I told him that he was a dick, and basically he told me he wasn't and even if he is, he insists on continuing to be one anyway.

    On the one hand, this was a dude who showed me a great deal of generosity and friendship fifteen, ten years ago. I haven't forgotten that, and it's that memory that has stopped me (so far) from REALLY going ballistic on him.

    I was the first one to comfort him on the day his mother passed some years ago. I expected better from him than his throwing me under the bus not once, but twice.

    But I *did* benefit from his generosity on several occasions many years ago, and I need to take that into consideration as well, going forward.

    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    As Mark Twain said, "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

    On the bright side, it's not as bad as 20 years of loyal marriage getting you a cheating spouse and divorce papers. It's not like you're married to this guy.
    Let's please not go there, PJ.

  2. #2302
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken Cheng View Post
    Today, a friend (and kind of, sort of colleague, though we don't *really* work together) whom I've known for fifteen years let me down big time.

    I made a mistake and asked him for permission to do something (no unsavory thoughts, people; it was something legit related to the posting of a certain thread on a non-SPCNET message forum). He didn't like the idea. He thought it was stupid. That's OK. In retrospect, I agreed with him...it *was* stupid and I'm glad I didn't do it.

    That's not what let me down: what let me down was that instead of talking to me about it in private (which he could have done), he just *had* to embarrass me in front of several other of our colleagues...as if to make an example of me. He made a big, dramatic deal about it and was quite insulting. Later, when I told him that I wasn't pleased about the way he handled it, he got all huffy and insisted that he'd handled the situation correctly.

    If we hadn't been friends for fifteen years, this wouldn't be such a big deal, but I'm furious at him right now.

    When I have a dispute with somebody, particularly if it's somebody I consider a friend, I make sure to discuss it with that person in private...to avoid embarrassing the person. It's an act of respect that I think we can expect from friends.

    This is the second or third time in three years I've had a "friend" choose to publicly embarrass me instead of making their criticisms in private.

    I think I need to find better friends, or at least more tactful ones.
    Sorry to read that u have such a dickhead for a friend. I'm with u, I feel disgusted by betrayal from good friends.

    I disagree with wkeej said should be applied on those whom you fairly have a friendship with. Fighting back is necessary though it doesn't mean it has to be aggressive or even nasty.

    Ken, have u talked to him to ask why he had done that to you? What had u done, without u realising, that make him do that to you? Talk to him intensely and nicely. It would shame him if his act was to satisfy his own pleasure.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  3. #2303
    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by remember_Cedric View Post
    Sorry to read that u have such a dickhead for a friend. I'm with u, I feel disgusted by betrayal from good friends.

    I disagree with wkeej said should be applied on those whom you fairly have a friendship with. Fighting back is necessary though it doesn't mean it has to be aggressive or even nasty.

    Ken, have u talked to him to ask why he had done that to you? What had u done, without u realising, that make him do that to you? Talk to him intensely and nicely. It would shame him if his act was to satisfy his own pleasure.
    I talked to him immediately afterwards. He gave me a response that wasn't a response (it was more like a poor excuse rather than a reasonable explanation). Then, he stopped talking altogether.

    This guy wields a certain amount of authority over me (thankfully, it's nothing I'm getting paid for or obliged to do, except out of personal interest and, at least up to now, friendship). I guess I can credit him with not abusing that any further by actually revoking the privileges he gave me (it's the one thing right now that's holding me back from ending the friendship entirely), but the way he chose to dress me down in front of our peers (when that was TOTALLY unnecessary and, coming from a longtime friend, utterly shocking and appalling) was uncool. The whole point of that communication was to discuss whether a certain thread I wanted to post was too controversial. Apparently, it was. OK, that's fine. All he had to do was say (privately) that he didn't like it and that he didn't want me to do it. That would have been fine. But he just HAD to make a big stink about it and say insulting things about me in front of the others.

    I really wonder, despite the generosity he showed me long ago, do I really owe any loyalty to this guy anymore? This is the second time during the past five years. Just because he's been generous to me in the past and he has authority over me doesn't mean he should be able to run roughshod over me any time he wants. I'm not his slave, and I'm not even his paid employee. I've supported his efforts over the years because of our shared interests and because I thought I was supporting someone who was a friend that I respected, but incidents like this are straining my respect and feelings of friendship towards him.

    Two days later, and I'm *still* fuming over this.

  4. #2304
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken Cheng View Post
    Two days later, and I'm *still* fuming over this.
    You are fuming. But to the other person, he does not know and everything is normal. So, what's the point of being angry/irritated/frustrated/...?

  5. #2305
    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wkeej View Post
    You are fuming. But to the other person, he does not know and everything is normal. So, what's the point of being angry/irritated/frustrated/...?
    He knows. He's just being too much of an a$$hat to care.

    There's never a *point* to the anger, but it's not as if I said, "Oh, wouldn't it be cool to get pissed at my friend today?" It's just a natural reaction to witnessing someone you trusted and thought of as a friend turn on you like that. I can't live that kind of stuff down.

  6. #2306
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    I told my brother to clean up the mess his girlfriend's dog made in the bathroom hallway. I unfortunately stepped on it but thankfully was wearing slippers (only person in the house who does actually).

    Brother's girlfriend told me that her dog was house trained.

    I asked if this was an isolated incident.

    She said "no", but that the dog was house-trained. In addition, she told me a story about how she heard scuffling paw claw sounds in the house and believed that there was a ghostly apparition or wild animal in the house.

    I asked her what was the point of the story---did she believe that her dog didn't have an accident?

    She said, "well, [insert name] can take the blame for it now but---she will investigate this matter further." (verbatim)

    I told her I was not accusing the dog, because the truth of the matter is, there are no ghosts in the house that can sh!t on the floor or wild animal that we are unaware of. So I am telling her that her dog had an accident. That's fine, it's just needs to be cleaned up.

    Now she is not speaking to me, unfriended me on FB, and forbidding me to watch the dog while she and my brother go on holiday.

    UHM....LOL

    I must confess, my feelings are not really hurt.

    But I do really like her dog.

    --oh

    She eavesdrops around the corner of the staircase when my siblings and I talk, obviously not an isolated incident. When I revealed that she unfriended me on FB, one hour later, I got a friend request. Hmm...if I accept, she can talk to me again. If I don't, I will be the petty party.

    The ridiculousness.
    Last edited by ByTmE; 12-24-11 at 03:11 AM.
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  7. #2307
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    An acquaintance asked, "how was 2011?". I said, "Glad to be alive".

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    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    @Bytme Is your brother's gF, sane? Who believes this crap? Its probably her fault for not walking the dog and letting the dog go out and do it's business. She needs to clean up the mess. What does your parents say about this?

    Wha...I haven't posted or read anything in X days and I'm kinda lost at what's going on in here.

    Well...my co-worker and I worked out our differences. Let's hope it stays peaceful.
    I just love how you Captivate My Mind

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  9. #2309
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suet Seung View Post
    @Bytme Is your brother's gF, sane? Who believes this crap? Its probably her fault for not walking the dog and letting the dog go out and do it's business. She needs to clean up the mess. What does your parents say about this?

    Wha...I haven't posted or read anything in X days and I'm kinda lost at what's going on in here.

    Well...my co-worker and I worked out our differences. Let's hope it stays peaceful.

    I am glad that you and your coworker have worked out your differences.

    I am not sure that I can do the same with my brother's gf. Well, I have been told to keep the peace by my other brother and Dad, but I am not particularly keen on this---I'd rather not have to coddle and humor her ridiculousness in the future. Unfortunately, she lives in my family's basement. We charge her cheap rent for an entire basement to herself (free utilities, water, food, whatnot) and she still complains that she can get a better place. In addition, she believes that she's "helping us out"...please girl, we don't really like to have her around. My brother brought her in as a charity case...now she thinks we are the charity case...go figure.

    Anyway, I pretended to be friendly because of my brother but I don't really care to be any longer. I was not wrong and will not apologize nor initiate contact--I know she is testing my boundaries. My Mom is on my side. My Dad told me not to talk about it any longer---if he tells me to be quiet again though, I will give him hell because this is always my Dad's attitude--but it doesn't solve any problems but creates resentment.
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  10. #2310
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ByTmE View Post
    I am glad that you and your coworker have worked out your differences.

    I am not sure that I can do the same with my brother's gf. Well, I have been told to keep the peace by my other brother and Dad, but I am not particularly keen on this---I'd rather not have to coddle and humor her ridiculousness in the future. Unfortunately, she lives in my family's basement. We charge her cheap rent for an entire basement to herself (free utilities, water, food, whatnot) and she still complains that she can get a better place. In addition, she believes that she's "helping us out"...please girl, we don't really like to have her around. My brother brought her in as a charity case...now she thinks we are the charity case...go figure.

    Anyway, I pretended to be friendly because of my brother but I don't really care to be any longer. I was not wrong and will not apologize nor initiate contact--I know she is testing my boundaries. My Mom is on my side. My Dad told me not to talk about it any longer---if he tells me to be quiet again though, I will give him hell because this is always my Dad's attitude--but it doesn't solve any problems but creates resentment.
    If it was me I will just pretend she's non-existent. She's too much drama!
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    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    If it was me I will just pretend she's non-existent. She's too much drama!
    Yeah, that's what I am thinking too.
    I like me.

  12. #2312
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken Cheng View Post
    He knows. He's just being too much of an a$$hat to care.

    There's never a *point* to the anger, but it's not as if I said, "Oh, wouldn't it be cool to get pissed at my friend today?" It's just a natural reaction to witnessing someone you trusted and thought of as a friend turn on you like that. I can't live that kind of stuff down.
    I'm sure I will get upset as well if it happened to me, and the "antagonist" is such a friend.
    Shame on that guy.

    Merry Christmas, my spcneters!

    I need a break from the workload that held me back from so many things I wanted to do.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  13. #2313
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    Merry Christmas to all. :-)

  14. #2314
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    Merry Christmas everyone! Have a great weekend and stay safe!

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    Senior Member KeongJai's Avatar
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    i need to get away from australia next christmas. way too hot. I think i got sunburnt after 5 minutes in the sun today.

  16. #2316
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    hope everyone had a wonderful christmas and happy new yrs to all! hope you guys all health, wealth, and fortune
    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  17. #2317
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Well, I am not as enamored with Istanbul as some have said I would be. However, it is a very fascinating and interesting historical city. Many beautiful mosque and I like walking around a city with prayers in the background.
    I like me.

  18. #2318
    Senior Member Dirt's Avatar
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    How are the kebabs?

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    Happy 2012. Another year is gone.

  20. #2320
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dirt View Post
    How are the kebabs?
    Just as I expected them to be
    I like me.

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