Advice, please

[Lady Zhuge]

A co-worker and friend of mine likes one of the physicians at the hospital where we work, but isn't sure if he's single and would be interested in her. He's a nice guy whom we interact with frequently over the phone and sometimes make small talk with on the floors. She doesn't want to ask him or even drop hints because if he isn't available and detects her motive, it would just make for an awkward work relationship from then on. So now she wants me to do the detective work for her, but I don't want him to think that I'm the one who's interested in him. She says he doesn't wear a wedding ring or other jewelry, but that may or may not mean anything. Any advice for my friend or how I can help her without putting myself in an awkward situation? Thanks for reading.

[ByTmE]

Oh, I would just say: "I know someone who is interested in you, are you single?" But I am pretty straightforward and not easily embarrassed, and that line has always worked for me and my friends. You have more than one coworker so he can't trace it back to her. On the other hand, if he interprets that as thinking you're the one who likes him, then he's an over-thinking man. Hey, aren't you married anyway? Or am I mistaking you with someone else?

I'd just be straightforward without name dropping. I'm not sure how savvy people do it haha. Your friend is kind of asking you to put yourself out there for her.

[Banh Mi]

Don't most girls usually resort to facebook stalking at this point?

[xJadedx]

Don't most girls usually resort to facebook stalking at this point?

This. I mean, that just seems like the easiest option.

[Lady Zhuge]

Oh, I would just say: "I know someone who is interested in you, are you single?" But I am pretty straightforward and not easily embarrassed, and that line has always worked for me and my friends. You have more than one coworker so he can't trace it back to her. On the other hand, if he interprets that as thinking you're the one who likes him, then he's an over-thinking man. Hey, aren't you married anyway? Or am I mistaking you with someone else?

I'd just be straightforward without name dropping. I'm not sure how savvy people do it haha. Your friend is kind of asking you to put yourself out there for her.

I find this very difficult to do in the workplace setting, as negative outcome scenarios outweigh the one positive. I don't want to jeopardize the professional relationship I have with this doctor or have my friend mad at me, both of which could happen if things don't pan out.

I think my best shot may be to work an innocent question into a casual conversation or ask one of our male co-workers to do this on my friend's behalf if she's agreeable to letting him in on this.

This. I mean, that just seems like the easiest option.

It would be if everyone actually has a facebook account and has their status available for all to see.

[wkeej]

1. Three of you can go for dinner together. But then, you excuse yourself only upon reaching the place. Think he will get the hint.
2. Just be direct, "Are you single and available? XX is interested in you".

[Candide]

Don't shit where you eat.

[xJadedx]

It would be if everyone actually has a facebook account and has their status available for all to see.

Eh, FB isn't the only thing available.

Just get another guy to find out, or ask one of his friends.

[Lady Zhuge]

Eh, FB isn't the only thing available.

Just get another guy to find out, or ask one of his friends.

Well yeah, but the same logic applies to all social networking websites.

Yeah, I'm going to try and convince her to let a male co-worker get the scoop for her.

[Suet Seung]

Does this doctor guy have an office? I assume, if he does have an office, he'd put some personal stuff like pictures and from there you could gather some information on his availabilility.

[wkeej]

It's doing too much detective work here. Just be direct. We are living in the 21st century now.

If I get Candide correctly, I think that is good advice too. No no to office romance.

Pardon me on this - I somehow got a gut feeling that Lady Zhuge is the "girl". hehe

[remember_Cedric]

First of foremost, how old is this guy?

Actually, if we run along with the assumption that he is already attached, signs as below should reveal (let's do away with the social networking assumption because FB hasn't win 100% "patron" rate and marital status isn't a compulsory field in FB):-

- Has a GF: Often, he should be caught on the phone with someone (special). Not necessarily expressing gestures like being sneaky and giggling like a little girl though. But his gesture when talking to his someone won't be un-obvious.

- Has a wife: if he is a married man (yet no ring on his finger, which is strange, unless he has problem with his wife), his work area or wallet can tell (as SS mentioned).

People who are attached usually don't have time for others except for their special one or family.

[Lady Zhuge]

Does this doctor guy have an office? I assume, if he does have an office, he'd put some personal stuff like pictures and from there you could gather some information on his availabilility.

There is an office, but it's shared by all the physicians in the group, so no one really puts personal stuff there. Plus in the hospital setting, most of the time doctors are on the floors and not in an office.

First of foremost, how old is this guy?

Actually, if we run along with the assumption that he is already attached, signs as below should reveal (let's do away with the social networking assumption because FB hasn't win 100% "patron" rate and marital status isn't a compulsory field in FB):-

- Has a GF: Often, he should be caught on the phone with someone (special). Not necessarily expressing gestures like being sneaky and giggling like a little girl though. But his gesture when talking to his someone won't be un-obvious.

- Has a wife: if he is a married man (yet no ring on his finger, which is strange, unless he has problem with his wife), his work area or wallet can tell (as SS mentioned).

People who are attached usually don't have time for others except for their special one or family.

My guess is mid-30's?

The signs you mentioned are much more difficult to detect when someone is in a different department. From what I've seen while on the floors, most of the doctors are pretty good about limiting personal phone calls. Otherwise they would come off as very unprofessional in the presence of others.

[Suet Seung]

I suppose if there was a company party or social gathering outside the hospital setting, that you all attend, if he's unavailable, he'd bring his +1, which is his girlfriend or wife. If not, he'll go alone accompanied by fellow co-workers.

[mi do ri]

Use the upcoming holidays to your advantage and throw a party or a dine out gathering. Then go to the guy and invite him and bluntly tell him to bring his girlfriend too. Then he'll tell you whether or not he's single. : ) Of course, it usually works out if you're casual about it.

[remember_Cedric]

Use the upcoming holidays to your advantage and throw a party or a dine out gathering. Then go to the guy and invite him and bluntly tell him to bring his girlfriend too. Then he'll tell you whether or not he's single. : ) Of course, it usually works out if you're casual about it.

*Like*

If this still doesn't work, then maybe we could try tips & tricks from Malcolm Gladwell.

[Candide]

This is such a simple problem to solve that I can't believe people here are giving her overly complicated tips.

[remember_Cedric]

This is such a simple problem to solve that I can't believe people here are giving her overly complicated tips.

Eh? Hopefully, you'd come back with a solution since you've made that statement.

[Candide]

I'm not going to help some guy I don't even know get laid!

[ByTmE]

^ How ungenerous. You're helping the girl, I believe. I still think the coworker should just ask [we all have our ways of asking] if she's interested. Yeah, it could be awkward but you're adults - deal with it. The male of interest is in a different department after all, aren't you allowed to date each other in that case? Must be just really shy.