Results 1 to 18 of 18

Thread: WHAT SHOULD I DO?

  1. #1
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Posts
    18,425

    Default WHAT SHOULD I DO?

    Summary: someone who likes me more than I like him, wants to date me; but I'm afraid if I let it happen, it may hurt him.

    Details: My background is such that I have been in his situation before, and I let it get too deep and was then unable to pull out when I needed to. I do not want that to happen to him - I don't know that it will, but I'm extra cautious about my effects on others b/c I've been in his shoes before.

    Anyway, should I date him, or should I leave this? On one hand, I'm afraid that if we spend more time together, he might become more attached than me; on the other hand, he is in distress right now because he is lonely, and I may bring some good time to him. He is still young and has much to learn, maybe this experience will not only fulfill his short-term desire, but also teach him some valuable lessons without going through a lot of pain (I feel that you learn best with experience). If I don't date him, then who knows how much longer he will be alone, and what effect that will have on him.

    I already told him that I cannot promise anything, and that he should keep his eyes open for other possibilities. I even made him promise me he will do that. With that, what I need to decide now is should I date him.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Giang Ho, Canada
    Posts
    4,876

    Default

    If you like him somewhat and he is a nice guy then give it a try. If he is a player then forget about it. Is he handsome??
    Do you have his picture? Why not post both of yours and his pictures online so we can help you out

  3. #3
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,866

    Default

    If you have no interest in him at all, don't lead him on. You're not being nice, even though you think you may be. Like you said, he's young and he'll get over it (and boohoo young people whining about being lonely is just so overdone now).
    If you actually like him, then it may not hurt to give it a shot, even if he likes you a bit more now.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

  4. #4
    Member mi do ri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    113

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by xJadedx View Post
    If you have no interest in him at all, don't lead him on. You're not being nice, even though you think you may be. Like you said, he's young and he'll get over it (and boohoo young people whining about being lonely is just so overdone now).
    If you actually like him, then it may not hurt to give it a shot, even if he likes you a bit more now.
    Going off from what she said, give it a try if you have any interest in him being more than just a friend. He's only asking you out on a date right? Most people go on many dates before deciding on labeling their statuses. If you think you like him, then maybe try a couple dates and see how things turn out. Good luck to you. : )
    Less Than Perfect

  5. #5
    Senior Member Dirt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    1,401

    Default

    Tell him you just want to hang out and introduce him to more gay men, maybe somebody else will catch his eye. Make sure he knows that you're just hanging out and you're showing him the many other possibilities out there; make the hang out a group thing and invite plenty of other people.
    Last edited by Dirt; 01-04-11 at 12:35 PM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member KeongJai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Perth, Australia
    Posts
    1,139

    Default

    This is going to be confusing because it's hard to put into words. But from my experience, you can usually tell if you like someone more than friends. That in itself is the green light for me to ask someone out.
    There is a difference between enjoying spending time with someone like a best friend, and also having that attraction.
    It's sort of like a crush, like if you had to choose somebody in the world to spend time with, you'd choose to spend it with them, but it's also not a crush because you don't need to see them every day sort of feeling.
    It's easy for me to tell, because I've felt that way towards certain women before and if I don't feel that feeling with someone, I'm not going to go out with them. It doesn't have to be a strong feeling, but the type of feeling is different than feelings for just a friend.

    If that's what you're feeling then go for it. No two people will have the same strength of feelings for each other, but if the feeling is the same type then that should be good enough. After that if you communicate well enough with each other, things should be peachy.

    If that's not how you feel towards him, don't try. I don't think attraction can be developed. If that's the case, be straight forward and tell him you only have feelings towards him as a friend and nothing more. But still be friends with him, maybe introduce him to new people so he can make more friends.
    Last edited by KeongJai; 01-05-11 at 03:04 AM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    District of Columbia
    Posts
    1,040

    Default

    I am confused on one point. Do you like him? I ask, though you stated briefly above, because it's still not clear to me whether you like obviously, or you like him because he likes you first. Just because someone likes you and confesses, this does not mean you are obligated to try to feel anything for them in exchange or be extra nice to them either. In my opinion, that tends to make things worse, on their end at least. Though you might feel like a creep for turning the young man down, but let's be real, it won't be the last time he will have such an experience.

    Inside, you may already know if you like him enough to want to date him. If you actually don't want to date him, do not force yourself. Relationships are supposed to be happy. I have been in this situation before too. I chose to walk away [though I did have that "special" feeling] and it worked out well for the other party...in time. Oh, and I also turned out okay.

    <3
    I like me.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    6,741

    Default

    wtf i always thought u were a guy pj
    Participate in SPCNET Idol Season 4!!!

    http://www.spcnet.tv/forums/showthre...66#post1127566

    Entries due July 31st, 2016!

  9. #9
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,866

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LuNaR View Post
    wtf i always thought u were a guy pj
    He is a guy.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    6,741

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by xJadedx View Post
    He is a guy.
    oh ok

    regarding topic: if u dont like the other person, its better to make it clear and obvious now than later. but if u are also not sure if u like the other person or not, then why not give it a try? doesnt hurt
    Participate in SPCNET Idol Season 4!!!

    http://www.spcnet.tv/forums/showthre...66#post1127566

    Entries due July 31st, 2016!

  11. #11
    Senior Member Lady Zhuge's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    7,510

    Default

    Do you have any romantic feelings for the guy? If so, and that seems to be the case from the way you phrased your dilemma, I say go on a couple of dates and see how things go. If you only see him as a friend with no possibility of anything more, then make that very clear to him.
    (\__/)
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

  12. #12
    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Posts
    18,425

    Default

    To answer a few questions:

    1. No, I'm not really romantically interested in him.

    2. He wants to be my boyfriend, not just a date.

    So the gist of it is that he wants a boyfriend, while I just want casual dating or a friend.

    So I think I better not let this happen.
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

  13. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Giang Ho, Canada
    Posts
    4,876

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    To answer a few questions:

    1. No, I'm not really romantically interested in him.

    2. He wants to be my boyfriend, not just a date.

    So the gist of it is that he wants a boyfriend, while I just want casual dating or a friend.

    So I think I better not let this happen.
    Wow. He wants to be your BOYFRIEND. He wants a BOYFRIEND.
    Is that mean you both are guys and he wants gay relationship??

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    4 seasons in 1 day
    Posts
    1,138

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Trien Chieu View Post
    Wow. He wants to be your BOYFRIEND. He wants a BOYFRIEND.
    Is that mean you both are guys and he wants gay relationship??
    Careful there Sherlocke, your head might explode if you make anymore logical inferences.

  15. #15
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    District of Columbia
    Posts
    1,040

    Default

    ^^lol! He def set himself up for that one. Whatever you decide is okay as long as you're happy PJ. But for the record, I agree with your decision because I think simple is best.
    I like me.

  16. #16
    Senior Member KeongJai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Perth, Australia
    Posts
    1,139

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    To answer a few questions:

    1. No, I'm not really romantically interested in him.

    2. He wants to be my boyfriend, not just a date.

    So the gist of it is that he wants a boyfriend, while I just want casual dating or a friend.

    So I think I better not let this happen.
    Sounds like you have it sorted. From my experience and I can't speak for everyone, you can't force feelings. If you aren't attracted to that person now, you won't suddenly develop those feelings. You might get that spark later, but I wouldn't expect it to happen. If it happens it happens, but for now you know what you want.

  17. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    5,405

    Default

    PJ - don't make your life more confusing. Go with the flow.

  18. #18
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    2,866

    Default

    Your decision sounds good, PJ. I'd go with that.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •