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Thread: Things that work/don't work in persuading you to do/not do things.

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    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Default Things that work/don't work in persuading you to do/not do things.

    Are there particular things that always/never work when persuading you to do or not do something?

    I'm very perverse when I feel pressured into doing something...especially when the person applying the pressure is trying to use shame, guilt, or embarrassment as the motivator...or demands that I do something as if I owed it to him/her (when I don't feel that I do). If anyone attempts to get me to do anything by these means, I make it a POINT to not do it...even if I need to sacrifice something of my self-interest to make that point (there are limits to this of course; if you're insulting me AND pointing a loaded gun at me the same time, then I'll do whatever it is you want).

    I haven't been seriously bribed into doing anything before, so I don't know how I'd respond to that. It depends on how objectionable the task I'm being bribed to do is. I can't say that I'm immune to bribery, but there are some things I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do no matter what was being offered to me.

    Appealing to my sense of sympathy is often very effective. I sometimes do the craziest things for people if I have enough sympathy for them.

    Inviting me to do something in a friendly spirit of inclusiveness, no pressure, often works if I have sufficient innate interest in whatever it is. If that inclusiveness turns into pressure after I've already said "no," however, I can get very obstinate about it.

    Above all, whenever I choose to do something, I like to know that it was mostly or totally my idea and my decision. I *hate* the idea of someone else taking satisfaction in the idea that he/she *made* me do something I didn't really want to.

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    Member mi do ri's Avatar
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    I guess under the heat of pressure and guilt, I will probably do things that I wouldn't have otherwise. For example, I hate drinking alcohol and I would refuse every time anyone asks me to, but then every now and then they would all gain up and ask (pressure me) to. Apparently it's rude to say no to someone older even if that person is pressuring you to do what you don't feel comfortable doing or what you don't want to. The joy of irony. But also like you, there's always a limit.
    Less Than Perfect

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    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Ken: do you think your hatred for being pressured developed from your cousins' mistreatment of you? As I recall, they pressured/forced you into doing/experiencing something you didn't want, which seems similar to your hatred now.
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

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    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    Ken: do you think your hatred for being pressured developed from your cousins' mistreatment of you? As I recall, they pressured/forced you into doing/experiencing something you didn't want, which seems similar to your hatred now.
    It started even before that, but after it, it went from personality quirk to full-on neurosis.

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    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken Cheng View Post
    It started even before that
    Do you think they knew you disliked it, and that's why they used it against you?
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

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    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    Do you think they knew you disliked it, and that's why they used it against you?
    I'm pretty sure they did. Karen, in particular, seemed to have a great intuitive grasp of how to push people's buttons.

    Reflecting back on it, I think she used me as an outlet for her own frustrations. She was a bit on the heavy side when she was a kid/teen (never obese, just chunkier than most girls want to be) and not especially good looking. A few of our uncles used to tease her a bit about that, and I knew she hated it. Maybe she took it out on me.

    I, on the other hand, had no one to take my frustrations out on. I had to swallow *everything*.

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    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ken Cheng View Post
    I had to swallow *everything*.
    That's not good!

    Back to the topic, for me it depends on the person persuading me. My intuition (but not necessarily decision) was formed before the person ever asked, and it's the same intuition for the rest of my and his/her life (or until he/she changes her personality).

    If I don't like the person, I always want to (but not necessarily do) say no matter what the request is. If I like the person, it's the opposite.

    That said, my decision will depend on the situation. Sometimes we have to put personal preferences aside.
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

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    Senior Member PJ's Avatar
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    Another way to look at it for me is: I hate persuasion, period. I won't do it to another person unless it's super super important matter. I believe in people having freedom of choice, so if they don't want what I offer, they have that right.
    忽见柳荫下两个小孩子在哀哀痛哭,瞧模样正是武敦儒、武修文兄弟。郭芙大声叫道:「喂,你们在干甚麽?」武 修文回头见是郭芙,哭道:「我们在哭,你不见麽?」

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    Member mi do ri's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PJ View Post
    Another way to look at it for me is: I hate persuasion, period. I won't do it to another person unless it's super super important matter. I believe in people having freedom of choice, so if they don't want what I offer, they have that right.
    Unfortunately not too many people I know feel the same way. It gets awkward at times. : /
    Less Than Perfect

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    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    I am easily persuaded. In truth, as long as you ask me nicely, I will do what you ask. I am also easily bribed. You just have to know what I love and how much I cost. I must be made to feel that the task at hand vs the payment is fair, in my opinion anyway. I have been known to succumb to shame and guilt but only if it's from MoM. The DaD never asks me to do anything...yeah, nothing. Ever. Embarrassment? That won't work because I would just walk away.

    However, when I say "no." It's "NO." Doesn't matter what method of persuasion or even if I sympathize with the other party. If I can't or won't do it, then it will not happen. A lot of extended relatives have tried this method on me. It's futile. As a result, my parents have developed a habit of using me as their scapegoat when they want to get out of sending money or contributing to building somebody else's house or whatever. They'll say, "My daughter said no. We're sorry, but she needs it for blah blah blah." I'm known as a wasteful child.
    I like me.

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