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Revenge
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Thread: Revenge

  1. #1
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Post Revenge

    Hi everyone, I was bore so I type up a story. I think it can become a good fanfic so I've decide to post it here. The fanfic might not be good yet because as I said before, I just thought of this for fun. Enjoy. <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">

  2. #2
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Prologue

    The rain was pouring, she didn't care. Her head was bleeding, she didn't care. All she wants is to get away from him. The man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with.She looked down at her stomach, her eyes burn with hatred at the sight of it. Why, why did she have to bear his child? Many time, she try to kill it but couldn't bring herself to do it. After all, the baby is innocent. The one she has to kill is him, the man who turns her life upside down. How could she have loved him, that animal with a face of a human.

    <font size="1">[ February 16, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  3. #3
    Senior Member tido's Avatar
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    Hey Jeh!

    I see you are starting another fanfic. I've got to say, the prologue made me very interested. I love "revenge" stories. Hurry up and update so I can know what is to become of the mother and baby. Will the kid grow up, to be taught to hate his/her father? Hmmm, who's the cast? Anyways, update soon both this one and your other fanfic k? See ya! <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">
    "It is poop calling vomit stink."---the insult dog

    Plz visit my site: http://omnibus.250x.com

  4. #4
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    Hey jeh! <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">

    Hehehe. It's been along time since I've entered in this board. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

    I see that you have written another story, I've read the prologue and I must say that this story has alot of protential. Reason being in my opinion is that there is alot of emotions lingering around the story and also it does keep one reader wondering what would happen next. Bravo <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0">

    Anywayz, do apologise for my lack of comments for your other story, but I will try to get my lazy self to read and comment. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

    Take care,

  5. #5
    Senior Member nickianjo's Avatar
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    Jeh,

    Wow, that was a good prologue. Can't wait for your update. <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">

    NickiX
    "share the glory in the story"

    .

    shut up already

  6. #6
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    The main cast is Louis Koo and Jessica Hsuan. I'm obsess with Louis Koo, I know <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0"> . That's all the cast I could think of. If you want to be in my fanfic, create a profile for yourself and email me that profile. Give informations about your background, name, your lover, your sect, swordmoves, any talent like playing the zither, or flute, know all type of poisons or medicines, etc. Also, do you want to die or not I'm copying smilsnowlily's idea. I hope it is okay with you, smilesnowlily.If it is not okay, tell me and I won't so it.You could also give me actors or actresses you think should be in my fanfic.

  7. #7
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Here is the characters' informations

    Tuyen Huyen-Jessica Hsuan
    I was taught to kill, and that is my only purpose in this world. I met him, my only friend, my first kiss. He left and I never saw him again. All I have from him is a piece of jade to remind me that someday he will make me his wife. I was taught to hate all people in this world. He came back but will his love be strong enough to stop my hatred.

    Co Thien Lac-Louis Koo
    I still remember her. To this day, I still remember her, my first love. We share our first kiss. I left her, she gave me a flute. That was our sign for marriage. I swear to the heaven, I will come back and make her my wife. I came back, she have change. Now, all she care for is killing. I want to turn her back to her old self but am I strong enough to do it?

    <font size="1">[ February 19, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  8. #8
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Chapter 1 My Typical Life

    A little girl of about seven years old and grabs hold of her mother's sleeve and beg with tears on her eyes.

    "Mommy, don't kill him. Don't."
    "Humph, so that's why you been neglecting your training. Your martial arts are getting worse, all because of a stupid rabbit." a beautiful lady shouted at the little girl. She holds up a rabbit and squeezes it to death.

    "Mommy..."

    "Get out of here!"

    The lady took hold of a whip nearby and started hitting the girl forcefully.

    The weak girl cry and ran out of the room. She went to many hidden passages and finally reach the exit. Her whole body was bleeding. This wasn't the first time her mom have hit her. Once, she couldn't even crawl and have to stay in bed for more than a month.

    Even though her mom treated her badly, she didn't hate her mom. Instead, she loves her mom deeply.

    Whenever her mom scolded her, she would always mention how whe resembles someone that her mom refers to as "him". That man was her father whom she never had a chance to meet. Maybe the reason why her mom hates her was because she was the daughter of"him". She didn't know what happen between them seven years ago that made her mom hate "him so much.

    Her sister was an orphan that her mom adopted six years ago. She was the one that her mom loves more. She always get what she wants.

    The little girl walks and walks while looking at the dead rabbit in her hand. Blaming herself for its death, she shouldn't have neglected her training. She look around her, everything was pitch black. In the distance, the sound of a wolf howling was heard. She was starting to get scare. She want to go back but her feet didn't follow her command. Instead, it keep on walking ahead.

    She wish she could have a friend to walk with her right now. She wouldn't be so lonely. Everyone was scare to play with her. They refer to her as "The Daughter of the Psycho Woman".

    Exhausted and dizzy, she collapse. The last thing she saw was a small shadow looming above her.

    Please leave me comments and tell me what you think. Have a good day <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">.

  9. #9
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    Hey jeh, <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0">

    hehehe, this is so embarassing, I honestly thought this story was set in the modern times until I just read the first chapter. <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

    Wow! I can see that your writing is digging deep into the thoughts and minds of the characters in the story. <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0">

    Can't wait for the next update <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

  10. #10
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Thank you for leaving me your comment, Hannah. It's okay that you thought this was a modern story. I don't think it's that embarrassing. If you got any questions, be free to ask.

  11. #11
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Chapter 2 A Friend

    “Is she going to be okay, grandfather?” a voice asks

    “She’s okay, just exhausted from loss of blood and starvation. I wonder who could have done this to her? What a cruel thing to do.” another voice reply and sigh.

    The little girl open her eyes, she was startled to see two unfamiliar faces staring at her. A face was of a chubby old man, the other was of a chubby boy.

    “Who are you?!” she ask, her eyes staring with great dislike. She doesn’t trust any people, all they ever do is make fun of her or throw stuff at her.

    “Hey, don’t be so rude. We save you.” the chubby boy retorted

    “Now, Thien Lac, don’t be rude.” the chubby old man scolded the boy

    “Fine.”

    "Now, why don’t you two stay here, I need to go out and buy some stuff.” he left
    Thien Lac decide to start a conversation with the girl, he took out his hand for her to shake.

    “Hi, my name is Co Thien Lac. Sorry for being rude to you earlier. Let‘s just forget about that and start over.” Thien Lac apologize

    The girl pauses and looks into his eyes, she feel she could trust him. She shakes his hand and said:

    My name is Tuyen Huyen, nice to meet you.” the little girl replies softly.

    “What happen to you? Who hit you? Tell me and I’ll pound them.”

    “Thank you for your kind gesture”, she giggles, “but this happen all the time. It’s no big deal, I’m still alive. I’m hungry, though.” she rubs her stomach.

    Thien Lac picks up a bowl of noodle and handed it to Tuyen Huyen.

    “Here, grandpa said you will be hungry after you wake up so he bought this for you.”

    Tuyen Huyen smile and begin eating the bowl of noodle.

    “Yummy, this is delicious.”

    “You get hit like this all the time and you can still be so happy. You’re weird.” Thien Lac said.

    “What?! I am not weird.”, Tuyen Huyen argues with her mouth full of noodles. She stops when she spotted something green, “ooh, pretty jade. Can I see it?”

    “No!” Thien Lac snatches the jade away from Tuyen Huyen’s reach.

    “Why? It’s just a jade.”

    “It is not just a jade. This is the only thing that my parents gave to me before their death.”

    Tuyen Huyen felt guilty that she has made him sad so she apologizes.

    “I’m sorry.”

    “You think that a sorry can ease my pain? You have to give me something.” Thien Lac said

    “How about a kiss?”

    “No way, you girls have cooties.”

    “C’mon, you know you want it.”

    Tuyen Huyen begins chasing Thien Lac to kiss him. They ran and ran all around the small house.

    For the first time in her life, Tuyen Huyen is truly happy. She has a friend that will walk with her through the cruel paths of life.

    So do you guys like this chapter <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">? Leave me comments. Also, don't forget to help me make my cast list <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">.

  12. #12
    Senior Member tido's Avatar
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    hey!

    Cute chapter! Love the details. Sorry I can't leave a longer comment but I just finished with another update and my fingers are a little tired. Both your stories are going GREAT! Keep up the good work! The cast...hmmm how about Anita? <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">

    <font size="1">[ February 22, 2003: Message edited by: tido ]</font>
    "It is poop calling vomit stink."---the insult dog

    Plz visit my site: http://omnibus.250x.com

  13. #13
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    Wow! I must say, the latest chapter is very cute indeed. :claps:

    Umm....Cast list? Well...since I'm a Gigi Lai Fan and ChiLam fan <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

  14. #14
    Senior Member nickianjo's Avatar
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    Hi Jeh,

    Really good chapters so far... Keep it up and update soon.
    "share the glory in the story"

    .

    shut up already

  15. #15
    Senior Member tido's Avatar
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    Hey Jeh!

    Hey please update this soon. I have to say that I really kind betrayal but I think Revenge is my favorite. So please update ASAP! <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
    "It is poop calling vomit stink."---the insult dog

    Plz visit my site: http://omnibus.250x.com

  16. #16
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Chapter 3 Shooting Stars

    Co Thien Lac-Louis Koo
    Tuyen Huyen-Jessica Hsuan
    Grandpa-Paul Chun Pui
    Evil Mom-???(who should I cast as evil mom)

    "Thien Lac! Thien Lac! I have something I want to show... you."Tuyen Huyen yell and run into Thien Lac's house happily. She suddenly stop in her track.

    "What have I told you?! Stay away from men! How could you disobey me?!" Tuyen Huyen's mom yell evilly while holding Thien Lac by the neck.

    "Mom, please don't hurt him!" Tuyen Huyen yell. Tears flow down her cheek at the thought of her friend being hurt.

    "You disobey me! All because of him! You want me to spare his life?! Not in a million years!"

    The mom's hand begin to tighten around Thien Lac's neck.

    Tuyen Huyen kneel down and pull on her mom's blue gown, begging her to stop.

    "No, no. Mom, don't kill him!" Tuyen Huyen yell out loudly and woke up.

    Tuyen Huyen was still in bed. She was sweating from fear.

    It was just a dream but it seem so real.

    Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and climb out of her straw bed.

    Tuyen Huyen quickly get dress and creep out of the Black Widow Castle.

    She was worry for Thien Lac's safety. They've known eachother for six years already. She could never explain it but somehow, she feel strange near him.

    Once outside, she make a mad dash for Thien Lac's house. The branches lash out at her, scratching her arms, legs, and face but she didn't care.

    Tuyen Huyen reach the small house in the middle of forest. Grandpa was outside looking at the stars.

    "Whoa child, slow down. Tell me what happen? Why are you all scratch up? Did your mom hit you again?" grandpa ask and examine Tuyen Huyen to see if there is any serious damage.

    "No, grandpa. Where is Thien Lac?" Tuyen Huyen ask, out of breath.

    "He wanted to take you to see the shooting stars. You didn't saw him on your way here? He was looking for you."

    Tuyen Huyen quickly run back to where she have came from. Grandpa stood there, smiling.

    Tuyen Huyen run back to the Black Widow Castle but Thien Lac wasn't there.

    On her way back to Thien Lac's house, she collided into someone.

    "Oww!" they both yell and rub their forehead.

    "Tuyen Huyen?" a familiar voice ask

    "Thien Lac?" Tuyen Huyen ask back

    "Where were you? I was looking for you." Thien Lac ask while trying to get a leave out of Tuyen Huyen's hair.

    "I was looking for you, too."

    "C'mon. let's go. We're late to see the shooting stars."

    Thien Lac try to pull Tuyen Huyen but she wouldn't budge. Surprise, he ask:

    "What's wrong?"

    "I... I don't think we should see eachother anymore." Tuyen Huyen reply while looking down at the ground.

    "Why?"

    "Because... I'm afraid you might get hurt."

    "Hurt? What are you talking about?"

    "My mother doesn't want me to get close to men."

    "Why?"

    "I don't know. I'm sorry. I have to go now."

    Suddenly, the sky lit up. A million shooting stars were flying above their head.

    They look up and smile happily.

    "How beautiful." Tuyen Huyen mutter.

    Their eyes gaze at eachother lovingly.

    They lean in closer to eachother and their lips met. They embrace eachother into a passionate kiss.

    After awhile, they broke apart.

    "Make a wish!" Thien Lac said and close his eyes.

    *Thien Lac's wish*

    *I wish that Tuyen Huyen will have a happy life. Her mother will be nice to her like how all mothers should. I wish that we will be together forever.*

    Tuyen Huyen also close her eyes and make a wish.

    *Tuyen Huyen's wish*

    *I wish that my mom wouldn't hurt Thien Lac. I wish my mother good health. My sister will always be happy.

    Later,

    The two sat down and watch the shooting stars.

    Tuyen Huyen have her head on Thien Lac's shoulder.

    Thien Lac wrap his arms protectively around Tuyen Huyen.

    The two soon fall asleep, each with a wide smile across their face.

    <font size="1">[ March 12, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  17. #17
    Senior Member nickianjo's Avatar
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    Awww... they kissed <IMG SRC="smilies/fallinlove.gif" border="0">. That was a sweet chapter... By the way, how old are they anyways. They seemed to be little kids in chapter two but already kissing in chapter three? Or did I just overlooked some important points?
    "share the glory in the story"

    .

    shut up already

  18. #18
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Oops, sorry about that. I leave out that part, somehow. I fix it, they're teenagers not little kids anymore.

  19. #19
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    This is the poster. Thank you to Tido for making it for me.



    <font size="1">[ April 05, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  20. #20
    Registered User Someone5's Avatar
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    woww..the poster is so pretty..and the story..getting interesting..hope u update soon!!!

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