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Thread: Crush on this girl, what action to take?

  1. #1
    Junior Member MieJueXMaceWindu's Avatar
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    Default Crush on this girl, what action to take?

    Thank you all who are about to sacrifice a piece of their life to help me.

    I moved from the east coast to the midwest 5 years ago cause my mom wanted to move in with her boyfriend. A year later:

    I met the girl in my senior year of high school, she was a freshman, also a neighbor of mine (apartments) and we rode the bus together every morning from fall to winter.

    I initially did not have any interest in her and thought she was just another White, dumb, spoiled, blonde bimbo. When she gave me advice on how to get away from my mom's boyfriend (mom and him get into arguments a lot) she immediately earned my respect.

    She (lets call her Linda) and this other neighbor girl used to walk a few blocks away just to ride on another school bus because the bus that picks us up near our house was really crowded. One dark starry morning, Linda walked alone to that side and a truck hit her and she broke her leg. I didn't see her again for a few weeks. The neighbor girl didn't know or didn't want to tell me what was going on.

    When Linda got back, she was on crutches. I remembered being so stupid that I asked her if she would like to come with me to ride the other bus down the block. She declined and told me to be careful because I was wearing dark clothing. Those were such sweet words. I haven't heard her voice for so long and I think it's fading. But at the time, I was not even remotely attracted.

    One morning while sitting and waiting for the bus (we got a new bus with more room), Linda offered me some chips she was eating. I declined but not politely enough. If only I knew what I know now I would have asked her out or befriended her then and there.

    One morning, Linda was standing in the rain all wet but I arrived with my umbrella and for about 5 minutes we stood there together. She said "thanks"; I didn't say anything, cause I didn't like her and was only doing a "nice" deed.
    That neighbor girl arrived after and got under the umbrella, too. I would always let the girls unto the bus before myself but just for that day, I rushed up first.

    In early Spring, Linda and her family were packing up. I came home one day to see her rearranging things in the truck and asked her when she was leaving. She said "Tomorrow". That's when her dad/uncle or something came out and yelled at Linda "Don't f%$&in sit on that!"
    That's when I ran back home. lol.
    I added Linda on Facebook sometime afterward. She only had a few friends.

    A month before I graduated, I saw Linda for the very last time. I called her name and she smiled and greeted me but I walked in the opposite direction too quickly.

    In college, on facebook, I enjoyed looking at the pictures she took. She's really great with the camera. As I read hers and her friends' comments I started to like these people and thought they were fun. In those four years, I watched as this child grew into a beautiful woman.
    The 3rd year of watching Linda's activity was when I became truly obsessed.
    After deactivating my Facebook, I then found her profile on Formspring, I set up my own account as an "admiration" page. She got freaked out and deleted her account. I never made that mistake again. Now, I watch her activities on Twitter but will just leave it at that.

    I have never seen a blonde girl as pretty as she is. I recently saw pictures of her at prom (after reactivating my Facebook), and seeing her in that dress and hairdo was bitterly overwhelming. I felt like crying because I don't know how to reach her or if I'll ever have her someday. I feel as though her beauty would be wasted on some alpha jerks. These feelings have also motivated me to do better at school so I could become rich someday to take her but I'm afraid that I'm motivated for the wrong reasons.

    I feel a bit better asking about it here. What should I do, now and in the long-term?

    And thank you so much again for your patience to read all of that.

  2. #2
    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Just FYI, this isn't really a *debate* thread. This forum is for the debate of polemical topics.

    Discussion of more personal subjects goes to the Off Topic Forum.

  3. #3
    Junior Member MieJueXMaceWindu's Avatar
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    Is there a way to move it there?

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    Moderator Ken Cheng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MieJueXMaceWindu View Post
    Is there a way to move it there?
    A super moderator can do that.

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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    I can see a number of problems from your post. And I mean BIG PROBLEMS.

    I'm not quite sure if you mean it the way your words say or you are simply not very good at expressing yourself. But if it's the former I'd just say leave the girl alone. As to the reason why, here's the clue - what you are experiencing is not a crush.
    Last edited by Guo Xiang; 04-27-12 at 03:55 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    I can see a number of problems from your post. And I mean BIG PROBLEMS.

    I'm not quite sure if you mean it the way your words say or you are simply not very good at expressing yourself. But if it's the former I'd just say leave the girl alone. As to the reason why, here's the clue - what you are experiencing is not a crush.
    So... how would you characterize it? Obsessions of a stalker?


    To the OP:

    Not that I have any qualifications on offering anything resembling advice but it sounds like you don't really know very much about this person since you probably haven't talked with her outside of a few isolated incidents. Instead you've built up some idealized vision of her by uh... admiring her good looks virtually. At this stage I'd say go for broke: tell her that you've always liked her or at least after she uh... blossomed, and regret not getting to know her better. She'll hopefully tell you outright that you're weirding her out, and she has no interest in you... then you can move on. At this stage closure is probably the best outcome for you.

    Ah, I can still remember the days of young unrequited obsessions... my sympathies. Let me tell you, it doesn't get better.

    Of course the fact that you're probably considered an "adult" while she's still in high school might make things seem sketchy... with the cyber-stalking and all...
    HK47: Now do you understand the travails of my existence master? Surely it does not compare to your existence but still...
    You: I survive somehow
    HK47: As do I. It is our lot in life I suppose master. Shall we find something to kill to cheer ourselves up?

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    Senior Member jadebunny9's Avatar
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    In those four years, I watched as this child grew into a beautiful woman.
    The 3rd year of watching Linda's activity was when I became truly obsessed.
    You need to deactivate your FB....forever! And then go out and make more friends. Your behavior is incredibly alarming, and you should stop it before it gets any worse.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by darkcser View Post
    So... how would you characterize it? Obsessions of a stalker?
    Stalker, lust, and believing that money can buy you love/woman. But since it's lust, he can essentially buy what is able to satisfy it. I'm just not sure if it will be with the girl he wants.
    Last edited by Guo Xiang; 04-28-12 at 12:35 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by athlee View Post
    DZC - "Your wife and I, we are old friends."

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    Quote Originally Posted by MieJueXMaceWindu View Post
    Is there a way to move it there?
    I don't think there is anything wrong here. If you like the girl then go for it. If she accepts you, then treat her well. If she reject you then move on with your life. There is nothing wrong with you are being an adult and she is still in high school. If I were you, I would let her know my feeling and hope for the best. Best luck to you.

  10. #10
    Member Krimzon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MieJueXMaceWindu View Post
    The 3rd year of watching Linda's activity was when I became truly obsessed.
    After deactivating my Facebook, I then found her profile on Formspring, I set up my own account as an "admiration" page. She got freaked out and deleted her account. I never made that mistake again. Now, I watch her activities on Twitter but will just leave it at that.

    I have never seen a blonde girl as pretty as she is. I recently saw pictures of her at prom (after reactivating my Facebook), and seeing her in that dress and hairdo was bitterly overwhelming. I felt like crying because I don't know how to reach her or if I'll ever have her someday. I feel as though her beauty would be wasted on some alpha jerks. These feelings have also motivated me to do better at school so I could become rich someday to take her but I'm afraid that I'm motivated for the wrong reasons.

    I feel a bit better asking about it here. What should I do, now and in the long-term?
    This section of your post concern. We do alot of stupid stuff when we're young. Alot of us regret not doing the things we should have done. As you get older you have to start letting go, at least try to, of some of these things and move on with your life. Moving on is really hard. There are no instant solutions. It will take time.

    I suggest that you shouldn't write on her Facebook wall, send a message through Twitter, or any sort of cyber communication. I would actually try to avoid her completely until you are able to get over this. If you see her at a store then just say "Hi" and "How are you?". Even then you have to control yourself.

    It's good to know that you feel a bit better sharing it with us. It's good to say or write it out. As an online community, we can only do so much. If you have more things you want to get off your head, I recommend seeing a psychologist. They can help you try get over this and other problem you may be experiencing. Again, it will take some time to get over this. No easy fixes.

  11. #11
    Senior Member junny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trien Chieu View Post
    I don't think there is anything wrong here. If you like the girl then go for it. If she accepts you, then treat her well. If she reject you then move on with your life. There is nothing wrong with you are being an adult and she is still in high school. If I were you, I would let her know my feeling and hope for the best. Best luck to you.
    You be a practising stalker, TC?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guo Xiang View Post
    Stalker, lust, and believing that money can buy you love/woman. But since it's lust, he can essentially buy what is able to satisfy it. I'm just not sure if it will be with the girl he wants.
    You can say that "she makes him want to be a better person."... just that "better" is equated with "higher income"...

    Income is probably the measuring stick of self worth for many people; no other standard is quite so objective. Personality, looks, intelligence, knowledge, influence, etc. are all so subjective.
    HK47: Now do you understand the travails of my existence master? Surely it does not compare to your existence but still...
    You: I survive somehow
    HK47: As do I. It is our lot in life I suppose master. Shall we find something to kill to cheer ourselves up?

    -KotOR

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    OP, does she remember you at all? You said she got freaked out so I take it that she doesn't. What you can do is help her to recall who you are... a schoolmate in high school, rode the same bus, etc. If she accepts your friend request, great. Just be her friend, and only be a friend. Don't share your feelings just yet. Give your friendship time to develop and for trust to grow. Just go with the flow, I guess. Hopefully things will work out in your favor, if not, well then, sorry. If she still doesn't remember you and freaks out and/or rejects your friendship, then end it there.

  14. #14
    Junior Member MieJueXMaceWindu's Avatar
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    Wow, you guys are awesome!

    Guo Xiang, my starting post was meant for Yahoo! Answers. People there are not usually patient so I tried to make it as quick and interesting as possible but it was still too long for them and I didn't get much answers. The ones I did get weren't worth their points. If you're not understanding something, let me know.

    Darkcser, Noooo, I'm getting this girl. She just turned 18.

    Jadebunny9, I am friends with her on two different accounts. You can't do this trick anymore, but here's what I did: In case she might delete me (if I don't talk to her enough), I would deactivate my account, therefore, disappearing from her radar. I can re-activate to watch her activities whenever I want. But now, Facebook gives the other person the option to delete someone that has deactivated their account. So, I would have to stay activated forever. If she deletes me, I'm doomed!

    Guo Xiang again, Maybe 10 years from now, I'll find where she lives and bang her when her husband is at work since she'll be a bored and lonely housewife? Good idea, right?

    Trien Chieu, if I see her in real-life again, I'll do that.

    Thanks Krimzon, avoiding communicating with her online was my plan, too. I'll just do it in real-life.

    Junny, it's not that bad.

    Darkcser again, I hate money with a passion! But it's what I must do.

    Dictionary, No, I just used a video game character that looks like her as my default picture. lol. I'm already on her friend list. We just never talk.
    Yeah.. sure... end it...

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    Quote Originally Posted by junny View Post
    You be a practising stalker, TC?
    NO Junny. When did I say "keep following the girl until she accepts him"? All I said was telling the girl his feeling toward her. If she accepts then great, if not then move on. What is wrong with that?

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    Senior Member junny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trien Chieu View Post
    NO Junny. When did I say "keep following the girl until she accepts him"? All I said was telling the girl his feeling toward her. If she accepts then great, if not then move on. What is wrong with that?
    But you agree with how the child is pursuing this Linda, no? Setting up admiration pages on Facebook, accounts on Formspring, Twitter etc... you have a thing for cyberstalking?
    夏雪宜

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    Quote Originally Posted by junny View Post
    But you agree with how the child is pursuing this Linda, no? Setting up admiration pages on Facebook, accounts on Formspring, Twitter etc... you have a thing for cyberstalking?
    Not on that part. I am a simple person. I don't have account on Twitter, Formspring and doesn't post anything on my facebook account either so I didn't pay attention to that. All I said is tell the girl how he feels about her and see whether she accepts him or not. That's it.

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    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Thoroughly reading through this post for the first time...

    ...I feel strangely "inserted" into this discussion though it has been about a decade since I have been 18 lol

    With that said, I think you should follow darkcser's advice...if you are still open to suggestions, anyway.
    I like me.

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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Guo Xiang again, Maybe 10 years from now, I'll find where she lives and bang her when her husband is at work since she'll be a bored and lonely housewife? Good idea, right?
    Are you talking about extramarital affair or outright rape? Given that you actually have to track her down, it sounds a lot you are talking about rape.

    Go get an appointment with a shrink, okay? Or go to the nearest police station.
    Last edited by Guo Xiang; 05-02-12 at 01:56 AM.
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    Senior Member milKBoi's Avatar
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    I don't know but some of the stuff written here just does not sound 'right'.
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