"Yes," Wei Xiaobao replied. Hearing the tone of Xiao Junzhu's voice, which unexpectedly she regarded him as someone she could depend on, Wei Xiaobao could not help but feeling very proud of himself. He had already turned around to close the door when he thought something was not right; he pushed the door and went in again, bolted it from the inside, and then he jumped out the window and closed it behind him. In this way, other than Empress Dowager and the Emperor, no one in the Palace would dare to enter his room without permission.
He only walked a dozen of steps when he felt a dull pain on the edge of his lower back; he thought, "That Old ***** Empress Dowager dealt me a vicious blow. If I continue living in the Palace, sooner or later laozi’s old life will be difficult to protect; I'd better slip away as soon as possible."
He walked toward the torch light, which turned out to be several Imperial Bodyguards on patrol duty. As soon as they saw him, they rushed forward to greet him. Wei Xiaobao asked, "How many Imperial Bodyguard brothers in the Palace are injured?'
"Reporting to Gong-gong," a man replied, "There are seven, eight men heavily injured, about fourteen, fifteen men lightly wounded."
"Where do they have their injury treated?" Wei Xiaobao asked, "Take me there to look."
The Imperial Bodyguards all said, "Gong-gong is concerned over Imperial Bodyguards brothers, not a single one among us does not feel grateful." And thus two of the Imperial Bodyguards led the way, taking Wei Xiaobao to the building where the Imperial Bodyguards stay when they were not on patrol duty.
Twenty something Imperial Bodyguards lay down in the hall, four imperial physicians were busy attending to their injuries.
Wei Xiaobao stepped forward to express his sympathy, continuously praised everybody, saying that in order to protect His Majesty, they all dashed on bravely with no thought of personal safety, valiantly fought and kill the enemy. He also inquire the injured names one by one. Immediately the Imperial Bodyguards' spirit was aroused, as if their wounds did not feel too painful anymore. Wei Xiaobao asked, "To which group do those rebel thieves belong to? Are they that servant Oboi's follower?"
An Imperial Bodyguard replied, "They seem to be Han people. But I don't know if we manage to seize a living witness?"
Wei Xiaobao inquired the details of the fighting between the Imperial Bodyguards and the assassins, while his eyes carefully watched the imperial physicians applying the medicine. Among the wounded Imperial Bodyguards, some received external cuts from sabers and spears, some received internal injury from fists and palms, some had their bones dislocated or broken. Wei Xiaobao said, "I'd better have some of those medicines by my side; if the Imperial Bodyguard brothers in the Palace are wounded while there's not enough time to summon the imperial physicians, I can give everybody good treatment first. Humph, those assassins are extremely vicious and wicked with enormous guts; since we cannot catch everybody in one net today, it's difficult to say that they won't come back."
Several Imperial Bodyguards said, "Gui Gong-gong shows great empathy to Imperial Bodyguard brothers, indeed it is a thorough thought."
Wei Xiaobao said, "A moment ago I was besieged by three assassins, I killed one, the other two fellows ran away. But my waist was also severely hit by the assassin's palm, at this time it is still sore." While in his heart he said, "The Old ***** came to assassinate laozi, isn't she an assassin? This time laozi did not lie."
As soon as the four imperial physicians heard this, they left the Imperial Bodyguards immediately to attend to him. They untied his gown to examine him, and saw a large purplish black bruise on his lower back; busily they prepared the medicine for him, to be applied externally and taken orally.
Wei Xiaobao asked the imperial physicians to wrap each kind of medicine into a large package, which he then tucked into his bosom, while also asking for directions on the usage of the medicine. He also took two pieces of splint to be applied to the injury. And then again he praised and expressed sympathy to everybody before leaving.
His experience was limited, his words were a mess, and extremely inappropriate; during praising and expressing his sympathy, he used a lot of marketplace obscenities. Although the Imperial Bodyguards mostly came from imperial clan and noble families, but most of them were uncouth military people, who did not care much about 'his granny' or 'eighteen-generation ancestor'. Since they were injured by the assassins, they came to the realization that their skill was still inferior to the intruders. When they saw that His Majesty's favorite eunuch was also injured in the fight against the assassins, they were even more depressed. But then suddenly they received praises from Gui Gong-gong, which was equal to receiving His Majesty's imperial decree commending their effort. Even if he rained curses on them, they would have accepted it gladly, much less praises scattered with random words? Their hearts were in full bloom, while wishing that the wound in their bodies was several cun longer.
Returning to his own room, Wei Xiaobao inclined his head and listened attentively outside the window first; after making sure that the room was quiet, he said in a low voice, "Xiao Junzhu, it's me, I'm back." He was afraid that if he rashly climbed over the window, the woman would chop him with a saber or stab him with a sword, then he may have to use the several packages of medicine in his pocket first.
Xiao Junzhu happily said, "Um, I have been waiting for you for a long time." Wei Xiaobao crawled into the room, closed the window, lighted the candle, and raised the mosquito net. He saw the two maidens were lying side by side on the bed. When the woman's gaze met with his, she closed her eyes immediately. But Xiao Junzhu was looking at him with her bright and clear eyes, her gaze revealed gratitude.
"Xiao Junzhu," Wei Xiaobao said, "Let me apply to medicine on you."
"No," Xiao Junzhu replied, "Treat my Shijie first. Please give the medicine to me, I will apply it on her."
"What do you mean 'you' and 'I'?" Wei Xiaobao said, "That's not how we call each other."
Xiao Junzhu laughed vaguely, "What's your real name?" she asked, "I heard they call you Gui Gong-gong."
"They call me Gui Gong-gong, but what should you call me?" Wei Xiaobao said.
Xiao Junzhu closed her eyes slightly and said in a low voice, "In my heart ... in my heart I call you Good ... Good Gege, but if I keep calling you that with my mouth, this can't be ... can't be ... good."
"Alright," Wei Xiaobao said, "Let's make a rule; when there are people around, I call you Xiao Junzhu, you call me Gui Dage. When nobody's around, I call you 'Good Meizi', you call me 'Good Gege'."
Before Xiao Junzhu replied, the woman opened her eyes and said, "Xiao Junzhu, that's so sickeningly disgusting, he is taking advantage of you, don't listen to him."
"Humph," Wei Xiaobao snorted, "Nobody asked you to call me, why do you have to meddle into other people's business? You want to call me Good Gege, I don't want to hear it."
"What do you want her to call you, then?" Xiao Junzhu asked.
"I only want her to call me 'Good Husband', 'Dear Husband'," Wei Xiaobao said.
The woman blushed, a look of disdain appeared on her face; she said, "You want to be someone's husband? You need to be reincarnated."
"Alright, alright," Xiao Junzhu said, "You two are not nemesis from the previous incarnation, why do you bicker as soon as you meet? Gui Dage, please give me the medicine."
"I'll apply the medicine on you first," Wei Xiaobao said. Lifting up the quilt, he rolled Xiao Junzhu's pants up and disassembled the bench legs he used as splint earlier, and then he spread the medicine on the broken calf bone before tying it firmly with the new splint. Xiao Junzhu expressed her gratitude repeatedly, she sounded very sincere.
"What is my wife's name?" Wei Xiaobao asked.
Xiao Junzhu was startled. "Your wife?" she asked. Seeing Wei Xiaobao pouted toward the woman, she smiled and said, "You love to crack jokes; my Shijie is surnamed Fang, her given name ..."
"Don't tell him!" the woman anxiously said.
Hearing that her surname was Fang, Wei Xiaobao immediately recalled the Mu Palace's Four Great Generals, Liu Bai Fang Su; thereupon he said, "Her surname is Fang, of course I know. That 'Divine Physician Hermit' Su Gang and the 'Twin Tree of the Bai Clan' Bai Hansong and Bai Hanfeng are all my relatives."
Hearing him mentioning the names of Su Gang and the Bai Brothers, both Xiao Junzhu and the woman was greatly amazed. "How ... how are they related to you?" Xiao Junzhu asked.
"Liu Bai Fang Su, four great generals," Wei Xiaobao said, "Naturally we are related."
Xiao Junzhu was even more surprised, "It's really hard to believe," she said.
"Xiao Junzhu," the woman said, "Don't believe his nonsense. This boy is very bad, he is not my relative. Having a relative like him will only bring bad luck."
Wei Xiaobao laughed heartily; he gave the medicine to Xiao Junzhu, and then leaned close to her ears and whispered, "Good Meizi, whisper her name to me."
However, the two young girls were lying next to each other, although Wei Xiaobao was whispering, the woman heard it clearly. "Don't tell him," she said anxiously.
Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, "It's alright if you don't want to tell me, then I must kiss your mouth. I will smell your fragrance on this side of your face first, then smell your fragrance on that side, and then I'll kiss your mouth. Tell me, you prefer to be kissed, or to tell me your name? My guess is you will definitely choose to be kissed." Under the candle light the woman look very beautiful, her clothing was thin, his nose smell a faint scent of the woman [alright, I know it is not original, but I think this is the best translation of 女儿体香] . His heart was very happy; he said, "You are indeed very fragrant, I can enjoy smelling you very much."
The woman was unable to move, she was very angry to be sniffed by this mischievous kid's nostrils; fortunately he was a young boy, and listening to the Imperial Bodyguards a moment ago, she knew that he was a court eunuch, so he must be only fooling around by saying those naughty things, he would not possibly molest her for real, so there was no real reason for her to be frightened. However, seeing him pursing his lips to really kiss her, she busily said, "Alright, alright, tell my name to this little demon!"
Xiao Junzhu laughed, and then said, "My Shijie is surnamed Fang, her given name is a single character, 'Yi' [harmony/joy], the 'yi' (怡 ) character with 'xin' ( 心 ) radical on the left and 'tai' (台 ) on the right."
Wei Xiaobao simply did not know how to write the character ‘yi’, he just nodded his head and said, “Um, this name is not so bad, but cannot be considered very good either. Xiao Junzhu, what is your name?”
“I am called Mu Jianping [or Mu Jianbing],” Xiao Junzhu replied, “Ping from ‘ping feng’ (standing screen) and not from ‘fu ping’ (duckweed).”
Wei Xiaobao did not know the difference between those two ‘ping’ characters; he said, “This name is comparatively better, but still not a first-class name.”
“Your name must be first class,” Fang Yi said, “I wonder how good is your respected surname and great given name?”
Wei Xiaobao was startled, he mused, “I can’t tell them my real name, while there is nothing special about the name Xiao Guizi.” Thereupon he said, “My surname is Wu [I/my (old)], since I am an eunuch in the Palace, everybody call me Wu Laogong.”
Fang Yi sneered and said, “Wu Laogong, Wu Laogong, this name is actually very …” Speaking to this point, she suddenly realized that she had fallen into his trick. “Pei!” she spat, “Talk nonsense!”
Xiao Junzhu Mu Jianping said, “You lie again, I heard they called you Gui Gong-gong, you are not surnamed Wu.”
Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Men call me Gui Gong-gong, women call me Wu Laogong.”
Fang Yi said, “I know your real name.”
Wei Xiaobao was slightly startled. “How do you know?” he asked.
“I know your surname is Hu ( 胡 ),” Fang Yi said, “And your given name is Shuo ( 说 ) character written eight different ways ( 八道 ).”
Wei Xiaobao burst out in laughter; hearing Fang Yi, his breathing was back to normal. He said, “Good Meizi, apply the medicine on her, don’t let her die of pain. I, Wu Laogong, only have one wife, if this wife died, the second wife cannot live up to the first.”
Mu Jianping said, “Shijie said you talk rubbish (see footnote 5), sure enough, she is right.” Releasing the mosquito net, she raised the quilt to apply medicine on Fang Yi. “Gui Dage,” she asked, “What should I do with the blood-stopping medicine you applied earlier?”
“Has the blood stopped flowing?” Wei Xiaobao asked.
“It has,” Mu Jianping replied. Actually, honey is very effective to stop bleeding, it has high viscosity, and will adhere well to the wound, hence unexpectedly her bleeding stopped. As for the lotus seed paste, bean paste and the other ingredients, although they were not medicine, but when applied to the wound, they could also stop the bleeding.
Wei Xiaobao was delighted; he said, “The effectiveness of my miracle medicine surpasses Bodhisattva’s magic potion, do you believe it now? With those many pearls in it, when applied to her chest, after the wound is healed, her breast will be exceedingly good-looking, will have the ‘bashful flower obstructing the moon’ appearance. Too bad only my son will be able to see it.”
“Pfft,” Mu Jianping stifled her laugh. “Your talk is really amusing,” she said, “Why is it only your son can …”
Wei Xiaobao said, “When she nurses my son, naturally my son will be able to see.”
“Pei!” Fang Yi spat. Mu Jianping just stared with her big round eyes; she did not understand why her Shijie would nurse his son.
Wei Xiaobao said, “Gently wipe the blood stopping miracle medicine clean, then apply the cut wound medicine.”
“Yes,” Mu Jianping complied.
Right this moment, suddenly they heard someone outside the door calling out with a loud and clear voice, “Gui Gong-gong, are you asleep?”
“I am,” Wei Xiaobao replied, “Who is it? Whatever it is, let’s talk about it tomorrow!”
The man outside said, “Subordinate Officer Rui Dong.”
Wei Xiaobao was shocked, “Ah!” he exclaimed, “It’s Deputy Chief Rui, I wonder … I wonder what’s the matter?”
Rui Dong was the Deputy Chief of the Imperial Bodyguards. When he was chatting with the Imperial Bodyguards, he learned that everybody admired this Deputy Chief Rui’s profound martial art skill, which was second only to Dolong, the Chief of the Imperial Bodyguards; he was an extraordinary character among the Imperial Bodyguards. For the last few years he was frequently outside the Palace on official business, so Wei Xiaobao had never seen him.
Rui Dong said, “Subordinate Officer has an urgent business I need to discuss with Gui Gong-gong. My apology for disturbing Gui Gong-gong’s peaceful slumber.”
 From the dictionary: Laogong – 1. Husband (informal), 2. Eunuch.
 Together, 胡说八道 means ‘nonsense/rubbish’.