"I don't," Wei Xiaobao replied, "I don't know the 'gui'' character from your turtle [wu gui] or the 'dan' character from your bast@rd [wang ba dan]." Since his trickery had been unmasked, his shame turned into anger. Besides, he was on Snake Island, there was only death for him without any chance to live. Begging for mercy was useless, he might as well took some advantage first.
Mr. Lu was silent for half a day. He picked up the brush and wrote several tadpole characters on the paper. "What characters are these?" he asked.
"F*ck your mother!" Wei Xiaobao said in loud voice, "I said I don't know, that means I don't know. Do you think I am lying?"
Mr. Lu nodded. "Very well," he said, "Turns out Fat Toutuo has fallen into your big trick. But this matter has been reported to Jiaozhu. Little thief!" Suddenly he pounced and wrapped his fingers around Wei Xiaobao’s neck, his hands squeezed tighter and tighter. With a clenched teeth he said, “You have made us cheating Jiaozhu, everybody will die without a burial site because of you. It would be better if we will all die together to avoid those endless, ruthless punishment.”
Strangled by him, Wei Xiaobao could not breathe, his face swollen purple, his tongue stuck out. If Mr. Lu added a little bit more force into his hands, this child would take his last breath and die. Thinking that he had an enormous responsibility in this matter, he was startled and immediately released his fingers. Pushing with both hands, he sent Wei Xiaobao tumbling to the floor, and then filled with hatred, he left the room.
After quite a long time, Wei Xiaobao was finally able to get up. “Dead turtle, f*ck his thief mother,” perhaps he uttered these curses several hundred times, while thinking that since he was on this poisonous Snake Island, there was no other place he could escape to. If he ran toward the underbrush in the woods, he would die even faster. Walking toward the door, he pushed the door only to find that the bamboo door was barred from the outside. Looking out of the window, he saw a deep valley. Indeed there was no way out. Turning his head around, he saw the calligraphy and painting hanging on the wall. “What’s so good about these fart characters and fart drawings?” he mused. Picking up the brush, he dipped it into the ink, and drew countless ‘big turtles’ and ‘little turtles’ on each scroll of calligraphy and paintings.
After drawing several dozen turtles, Wei Xiaobao’s hand was tired, he tossed the pen to the floor and curled up in a chair, very soon he fell asleep. When he woke up, the sky had turned dark, but unexpectedly nobody came to check him up. His tummy was growling from hunger. “This green-haired turtle wants to starve laozi to death,” he mused.
After a long time, he suddenly heard footsteps outside the door, and saw light penetrating the cracks on the door, followed by the bamboo door was pushed open and Mr. Lu entered the room with a candle in his hand. He cast him a sidelong glance. Wei Xiaobao saw there was no trace of anger on his face, so the fear in his heart subsided considerably.
Mr. Lu put the candle on the table, took a quick glance around the room, and saw that Wei Xiaobao had smeared the calligraphy and paintings hanging on the walls so that they were no longer presentable. He could not restrain his anger from flaring up. “You … you …” he shouted, while raising his hand high, ready to strike down, but his palm stopped midair. Finally he was able to control his anger and said, “You … you …” the word choked in his throat and he could not speak.
“What do you think?” Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, “Is my drawing good?”
Mr. Lu heaved a deep sigh, he sat down dejectedly and said, “Good, your drawing is good.”
Surprisingly, not only he did not hit him, but he said his drawing was good. It was completely beyond Wei Xiaobao’s anticipation. Seeing his distressed expression, Wei Xiaobao knew Mr. Lu was extremely troubled, he could not help but somehow feel sorry. “Mr. Lu,” he said, “I … I’m sorry, I destroyed your paintings.”
Mr. Lu shook his head. “No … it’s nothing,” he said. He crouched on the table with his head between his hands. After quite a while, he said, “You must be hungry, let’s eat first and we’ll talk later.”
In the reception room, four dishes and a bowl of soup were arranged on the table; there were chicken and fish, the dishes were sumptuous. Soon afterwards Fang Yi and Mrs. Lu came out to accompany them. Four people ate dinner together.
Wei Xiaobao was greatly surprised, “Could it be that my dozens of turtle drawings are so good and Mr. Lu is so happy that he invited me to eat?” But he had a vague understanding in his heart that the situation did not always look like it really was. Several times he opened his mouth wanting to ask, but seeing Mr. Lu’s mixed [orig. ‘cloudy and clear’] expression, he was afraid to provoke his anger; he had not ate his fill, Mr. Lu might snatch his bowl away, then it would not be worth it. Thereupon he held his peace and ate in silence until he was full.
After dinner, Mr. Lu took him back to the study room. Mr. Lu picked up the brush from the floor and wrote ‘Wei Xiaobao’ three characters on the paper. “This is your own name,” he said, “Can you write it yourself or not?”
“It recognizes me, but I don’t recognize it,” Wei Xiaobao replied, “How can I write it?”
“Hm,” Mr. Lu looked out the window and was deep in thought for half a day. With his left hand he picked up the candle and walked toward the tadpole script calligraphy. Carefully he looked at it, pointed to the characters one by one, while with his mouth he read the characters. Returning to the table, he fetched a blank piece of paper, lifted up his brush and started to scribble rapidly. He counted the number of tadpole characters with his index finger, and then counted the number of characters he wrote on the paper. And then he rapidly scribbled again on the paper, turned his head around to look at the tadpole characters, all the while he was mumbling to himself, “Those three characters are identical, these two look the same. It must be flawless, or it won’t be believable!” He pondered for half a day, then scribbled again on the paper, and said delightedly, “Got it!”
Wei Xiaobao did not know what trick he was playing, but he did not care since his tummy was full. He saw Mr. Lu picked up another sheet of blank paper and then carefully wrote several characters. This time he wrote very slowly. Finished writing, he softly read what he wrote, swaying his head rhythmically. Wei Xiaobao only heard words like ‘Divine Dragon Island’, ‘Hong Jiaozhu’, ‘long life the same as the heaven’s’, and so on. Finally he heard something like ‘the first copy is in such and such place on such and such mountain’, ‘the second copy is in such and such place on such and such mountain’. Suddenly it dawned on him that those words were the exact words he boasted wildly to Fat Toutuo at the Pu Ji Temple. Unexpectedly Fat Toutuo believed it wholeheartedly and spread it out as soon as he returned here. He also thought, “That day Fat Toutuo invited me to the Divine Dragon Island to see Hong Jiaozhu. I told him that I did not want to come, no matter what. Unexpectedly, with the demons and deities at work, the ship was sailing to this place. Now that my trickery is exposed, Hong Jiaozhu will know about it. He will definitely throw a fit; perhaps he would throw Good Jiejie and me to the snake pit, so that tens of thousands of vipers could feast on us that even our bones cannot be saved.” Thinking about endless stream of poisonous snakes crawling over his body, he was shivering all over although it was not cold.
Mr. Lu turned around with a very pleased-of-himself expression on his face. He smiled and said, “Wei Gongzi, you know the tadpole script written on the stone tablet, it is certainly a cause of delight and a reason to congratulate you. It is also our Cult’s Hong Jiaozhu’s flood of good fortunes fills up the heavens that such a child prodigy like you dropped in from the sky, that you are able to read the tadpole script.”
“Humph,” Wei Xiaobao snorted, “You don’t need to make fun of me,” he said, “How could I tell tadpole script from frog script? Laozi did not even know scabies toad script. I was simply talking nonsense to swindle that thin, bamboo-pole like toutuo.”
Mr. Lu smiled and said, “Wei Gongzi, why be too modest? This is simply the writings on the stone tablet that I wrote down from memory. I am asking for Gongzi’s direction whether I made any mistake or not.” Finished speaking, he started reciting: “In the tenth month of the Zhen Guan’s second year Jiazi[1] of the Great Tang, Distinguished (National) Duke Wei, Li Jing, along with Chief of Right Army Great General (National) Duke Su, Cheng Zhijie, Glorious Grand Master Ministry of War Duke Shang Shoucao, Li Ji, Commander-in-chief of Xuzhou (National) Duke Hu, Qin Shubao, had visited the Jinxiu Peak of Mount Wutai, to see the glorious red eastern sky, which appeared like big golden lettering on the border of the clouds, the writing says: ‘In a thousand years, there will be the Great Qing. In the East, there will be an island, Divine Dragon is its name. A certain Hong Jiaozhu will obtain favor, his supernatural spirit reaches out to relieve, his grand, awe-inspiring might is all powerful. Subduing monsters conquering demons like a rising sun. The feathered wings support his rule, breathing out stale air and breathing in fresh air. Ten thousands luck a hundred good fortune, there will never be a year without plentiful harvest. He will enjoy immortal happiness forever, universal evil spirit will venerate him. His long life will be the same as the Heaven’s, a kind sage of both pen and sword.’ In a moment, dark green characters appeared in the sky, the writing says: ‘The Heaven bestows this certain Hong by eight copies of the Forty-two-chapter Sutra. The first is stored in Dang Mo Temple [lit. sweeping away demons] on Mount Funiu in Henan, the second is kept in Tianxin Nunnery [lit. center of the sky, the will of heaven] on Mount Bijia in Shanxi, the third is in Ling Xiao Taoist Monastery [lit. rising high firmament] on Mount Qingcheng in Sichuan. The fourth is kept in Shaolin Temple on Mount Songshan in Henan, the fifth in Zhenwu Taoist Monastery on Wudang Mountain in Hubei, the sixth is stored in Jiaye Buddhist Temple in Kongtong, Sichuan border. The seventh is in Mu Palace, Kunming of Yunnan, the eighth is in Ping Xi Wang Mansion of Kunming, Yunnan.’ This tranquil revelation by the Heaven is engraved on the stone tablet, waiting for the future.”
Mr. Lu read in a pattern of falling, remaining even, and rising in pitch and rhythm. When he finished, he asked, “Is there any mistake?”
Wei Xiaobao said, “That was a stone tablet from the Tang Dynasty, how did they know that in later generation there will be Ping Xi Wang Wu Sangui?”
Mr. Lu replied, “God is intelligent and wise, He is omniscient, nothing escape his knowledge. Since He knew that in later generation there will be Hong Jiaozhu, naturally He also had foreknowledge of Wu Sangui.”
Wei Xiaobao was secretly amused; he nodded his head and said, “That’s true.” While in his heart he thought, “I wonder what trick are you playing?”
Mr. Lu said, “The inscription on this stone tablet must be accurate to the last character. Although Wei Gongzi is gifted and smart, but in my opinion, it was also the holy spirits at work, so that you understand these tadpole script. Someday in the future, perhaps some mistakes will be found. It would be best if Wei Gongzi know this writing inside-out, so that when Hong Jiaozhu summons you, you can recite it from memory fluently. If Hong Jiaozhu is happy, naturally he will heap you with rewards.”
Wei Xiaobao rolled his eyes; immediately he understood. Repeatedly nodding his head, he said, “So that’s how it is, so that’s how it is!” He guessed that Fat Toutuo and Mr. Lu had reported to Hong Jiaozhu, telling him that a child knew the writing on a stone tablet, hence Hong Jiaozhu was determined to summon him to verify. Who would have thought that it was entirely bogus? Mr. Lu was afraid the Cult Leader would place the blame on him, he had no choice but to forge the inscription on the stone tablet to deceive the Cult Leader.
Mr. Lu said, “And now I will read one sentence, Wei Gongzi reads one sentence, always remember to read it correctly from start to finish. ‘In the tenth month of the Zhen Guan’s second year Jiazi of the Great Tang …’”
Wei Xiaobao did not want to read, he did not have the ability, much less wanted to be in cahoots with Mr. Lu in deceiving Hong Jiaozhu; but he thought it was amusing, so he repeat after Mr. Lu anyway.
His natural disposition was quick-witted and clever, for him, listening to a segment of several hundred characters and then repeating it, would not require the least bit of effort, but asking him to study was akin to asking for his life. Although this segment of writing was only several hundred characters long, it had sentences that were very difficult to pronounce, with the meanings that were even harder to comprehend, for instance ‘his grand, awe-inspiring might is all powerful', 'breathing out stale air and breathing in fresh air'; he was completely clueless as to their meaning. Therefore, he did not have any choice but to follow Mr. Lu one sentence at a time. Fortunately, Mr. Lu did not mind the repetition and he was very patient in instructing him. Nevertheless, it took more than thirty times going through the entire writings before he could recite it without any mistake.
That evening he slept in Mr. Lu's home, the next morning he recited again. Seeing he was able to memorize everything, Mr. Lu was very pleased, thereupon he picked up a pen and a sheet of paper and started to write the tadpole characters one by one, asking him to identify which one was the 'wei' character, which one was the 'zhen' character. This time Wei Xiaobao could not help but whining incessantly. These tadpole characters twisted to the left and to the right, they all looked almost the same. Asking Wei Xiaobao to tell one character from the other and rewrite it one by one was as hard as asking him to climb the heaven, as painful as having his head chopped off. He was not able to sit quietly even for a moment, how could he have the patience to learn the tadpole script?
[1] The first of 10 heavenly stems and the first of 12 earthly branches of the Chinese calendar, a cycle of 60 years. The last Jiazi year was 1984, by a quick calculation, since the Tang Dynasty was 618-907, the Jiazi during that period was the year 664.