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Thread: Betrayal

  1. #41
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    To all of the people who is reading this fanfics. To see more informations about the characters, visit www.winglin.net/fanfic/pearln One more thing, the official title for this fanfic will be (music please) <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/rockband.gif" border="0"> Betrayal.

    <font size="1">[ February 18, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  2. #42
    Senior Member nickianjo's Avatar
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    Oh you changed the title to Betrayal. hahaha... I saw it and I was like oh you have a new fan fic and i don't even know it!!! <IMG SRC="smilies/alien.gif" border="0"> It's a good simple title.
    "share the glory in the story"

    .

    shut up already

  3. #43
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    Great Title! <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0">

    Can't wait for the Updates <IMG SRC="smilies/biggrin.gif" border="0">

  4. #44
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Chapter 9 Thuy Nhi

    Characters Appearing
    Thuy Nhi/Ngoc Bich-Kristy Yang
    Luu Tuan Kiet-Louis Koo
    Lam Thien Tuan-??? (help me)

    Thien Tuan saw that he was loosing so he pull a starshape object out of his shirt.

    He was prepare to throw the projectile at Ngoc Bich (Kristy Yang) when Tuan Kiet (Louis Koo) notice him.

    "Watch out!" Tuan Kiet yell.

    Ngoc Bich dodge the projectile and counterattack with several poisonous needles.

    Thien Tuan and his men have their hands full trying to doge the neddles.

    That gave a chance for Ngoc Bich nad Tuan Kiet to get away.

    Thein Tuan try to catch up to them but another neddles flew past him.

    If he haven't dodge fast enough, he would probably have had a painful like the other people who have suffer under the Bang Doc Than Tram of the Ice Phoenix Place.

    The Bang Doc Than Tram is one of the most powerful weapon in the martial arts worls.

    Any people who get in its way, would be cold on the out side and hot on the inside. Then, all of their organs, intestines, cells, etc. will be burn from the inside out.

    The only remain of them is a puddle of ice.

    Meanwhile in a wood nearby, Tuan Kiet and Ngoc Bich slow their pace. They look back to see if Thien Tuasn have catch up tp them yet.

    Seeing that no one is behind them, they stop and catch their breath.

    "Thak you for letting me know about the projectile. I will repay you back someday. My name is Thuy Nhi." the girl who look astonishingly like Ngoc Bich said

    "Thuy Nhi?! I thought your name was Ngoc Bich!" Tuan Kiet shout out, confuse

    " You and the jerk seem to mistaken me for someone else. I told you, I am not thst Ngoc Bich."

    "Are you sure you don't have a twin?"

    "No, I don't have a twin. My mentor told me my parents desertes me when I was little," a hint of sadness sparke in her eyes but then return to it cold, emotionless stare, " Why should I taalk to you about my personal life anyway?"

    Thuy Nhi flew away using her khinh cong (a type of martial arts that allow to you to fly).

    Tuan Kiet look at her until she dissappear from sight.

    Mabe it was just a coincidence that Thuy Nhi resemble Ngoc Bich. One is so stubborn and crazy and while the other is cold and emotionless. There's no way that they could be related.

    Tuan Kiet misteriously smile and walk away.

  5. #45
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Oh Hanhah, I wanted to ask you something. I want to post my fanfic up at your site, too but I don't have a poster. When I go to the poster request thing, I didn't know how to ask. Can you help me? Oh by the way, I think I'm going to post a different fanfic at your site so forget about the posting fanfic form that I submitted a couple of days ago.

  6. #46
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    I'm bore so I'm going tp post up a character profile.

    Ha Ngoc Bich-Kristy Yang
    She is friendly, and kind-hearted but stubborn. She is the only descendant of the Snow Castle Sect. She is very good at martial arts and medicines. She didn't know what was true love until she meet him. He comfort her when she was hurt. He cheer her up when she was sad. He brought joy to her life. She didn't realize she love him until she was about to lose him... forever.

    Ha Ngoc Thanh/Thuy Nhi-Kristy Yang
    The future leader of the Dragon Ice Sect. She is cold and heartless until she met him. Him, the person who change her life forever. She was heartboken but he came and comfort her. She didn't know happiness. He came and teach her how to be happy, how to be kind to others, and she soon fall for him, despite the consequences.

    Luu Tuan Kiet-Louis Koo
    A guy who hated every women in this world. He wasn't mean to them but he wasn't nice to them, either. Not until he met her, the one and only love of his life. She wasn't like the other pathetic women. She love him because of who he is. Unlike them who love him because of his looks and money. He would do anything for her, even if it mean sacrificing his life. But when caught between his family and his love, who will he choose?

    Ly Gia Minh-Ekin Cheng
    He love a girl but she betray him. He wanted to forget that girl but couldn't. Just as he was feeling lonely, she came. Time pass, they fall in love but then trouble arise... He is back to his old self, lonely and hurt but when her life is at stake, will he risk his life to save her or turn away?

    More will be added.

    <font size="1">[ March 02, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  7. #47
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    How come nobody reply? Is this story getting boring? <IMG SRC="smilies/frown.gif" border="0">

  8. #48
    Senior Member nickianjo's Avatar
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    What! This story boring? Never!
    Oh I'm reading alright... Just update!!!!! <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">
    "share the glory in the story"

    .

    shut up already

  9. #49
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Sorry for not updating in a long time. Well, I'm back. Going to catch up updating.

    Chapter 10 Another Fight

    Ha Ngoc Bich- Kristy Yang
    Luu Tuan Kiet- Louis Koo

    Ngoc Bich (Kristy Yang) walk into an inn and rented a room.

    The waiter lead her upstair and then stop at room 6.

    Ngoc Bich walk inside and set her baggage and sword on the table. She examine the room carefully.

    The room was not what you would call luxurious but it was still better than sleeping in the wood.

    Later,

    The market place was full with people. Several things were being sell.

    There were several brothel located in the center of town. Many young women with coloful and revealing clothing stood at the entrance luring the men inside. The smell of liquor and perfume reach Ngoc Bich's nose. She shake her head at the sight and walk off.

    While examining some pretty hairpins, Ngoc Bich spotted Tuan Kiet (Louis Koo). Anger arose inside of her and she rush toward the man that she wanted to kill more than anything.

    To her dissappointment, he have already dissappear into the crowd of people.

    Ngoc Bich search endlessly for him but he was nowhere in sight.

    Night came, all was silence.

    Tire and sleepy, Ngoc Bich give up looking and went back to her room.

    Minutes pass... Suddenly, a loud scream was heard from Ngoc Bich's room

    Ngoc Bich sat on the bed clutching the balnket to cover herself.

    A man was sitting in front of her, surprise.

    "Who are you?! What are you doing in my room?" he ask

    Ngoc Bich was speechless. It was him! Him! She could never forget that face.

    "Hello, I'm talking to you. Are you deaf?" the man ask again

    "YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?! YOU *******! ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT YOU HAVE DIRTY ME BEFORE?! TELL ME! WHAT DO YOU WANT?! I HATE YOU, LUU TUAN KIET! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! YOU PERVERT!" Ngoc Bich, unable to control herself, yell at the man hysterically. Tears rolling down her red cheek.

    Tuan Kiet just stood there, emotionless. Even though deep down, he felt guilty that he have made her cry. He didn't know what have he done to made her so angry.

    "I hate seeing her like this. Why can't she just hit me. I hate seeing her cry." Tuan Kiet thought to himself, "No, what am I saying? No girls can't be trusted. I hate all girls! Then why do I feel pain when she is hurt emtionally and physically? Why do I have this feeling when she's around? No, I have to be strong. Be strong."

    He was about to use his hand to wipe her tears away but stop.

    "Let me show you something." Tuan Kiet lead Ngoc Bich to the door and pointed to the number on it.

    Ngoc Bich look up then look back down again. Her face was as red as a cherry.

    There, on the door, was the number nine imprinted in bold on the door.

    "S...sor...sorry." Ngoc Bich manage to mutter out the word.

    "What? I can't hear you." Tuan Kiet said teasingly.

    "I said sorry!" Ngoc Bich shouted.

    At that time, a jade flute fell out of Ngoc Bich's pocket but neither of them notice it.

    Tuan Kiet turn and walk back into his room.

    SMASH!!!





    <IMG SRC="smilies/yikes.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/yikes.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/yikes.gif" border="0">

  10. #50
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Chapter 11 The Strange Man

    Ha Ngoc Bich-Kristy Yang
    Luu Tuan Kiet-Louis Koo
    Trieu Duc Thang-Benny Chan
    The girl-won't let you guys know yet

    "My flute! You broke my flute! How dare you!" Ngoc Bich shouted and bent down to pick up the broken pieces of her flute.

    "It was an accident! I'm really sorry!" Tuan Kiet quickly apologize.

    "A sorry is not enough, pay me back!"

    "What?! I told you it was an accident. I'm not going to pay you back! Leace me alone!"

    Tuan Kiet close the door on Ngoc Bich's face.

    "If you're not going to pay me back then I will follow you until you pay me back! Are you listening, Luu Tuan Kiet?!" Ngoc Bich shouted behind the door.

    "No, I'm not listening!" Tuan Kiet cover his ears with his hands and shouted out

    "Man, how annoying can a girl get?" he mutter to himself.

    "What was that?!" Ngoc Bich ask loudly.

    "Nothing, now leave me alone!" Tuan Kiet shouted, annoyed.

    "Quiet down! People are trying to sleep here!" a rough voice shouted from a room nearby.

    Ngoc Bich went back to her room and slam the door. All was silence again.

    The next morning,

    Tuan Kiet left the inn and went on his way.

    It was a bright sunny day but Tuan Kiet didn't seem to notice.

    On the other hand, a happy Ngoc Bich skip behind Tuan Kiet with a wide smile on her face. She loves to annoy him.

    Tuan Kiet couldn't take it anymore so he turn around and shouted loudly:

    "STOP FOLLOWING ME!!!" Tuan Kiet shouted and look at Ngoc Bich

    "Not until you pay me back." Ngoc Bich grin.

    "Fine, let's see how long you can keep up." Tuan Kiet said and flew away.

    Ngoc Bich wasn't going to give up so she flew after him.

    The oncec peaceful forest was now disturb by the race between the two.

    Suddenly, the forest grew dark and smoke cover the whole forest.

    "Lion girl, don't inhale the smoke!" Tuan Kiet shouted and sat down, trying to push any poisonous smoke he have inhale.

    "Pervert, where are you?!" Ngoc Bich was beginning to feel dizzy.

    Ngoc Bich rush about tryin to find Tuan Kiet. Her head hurt badly and the sound of a hammer hitting metal was going on inside her head. Whenever the hammer pound down, her head hurt more than before.

    Ngoc Bich couldn't take it anymore. She let out a deafening scream and collapse.

    Tuan Kiet heard it and open his eyes.

    "Lion girl, where are you?! Are you okay?! Answer me!" Tuan Kiet stood up and shouted.

    Realizing he made the mistake of opening his mouth, Tuan Kiet try to push the poison out again but it was too late.

    The poison have enter his body. It was very near the heart.

    Tuan Kiet's entire body hurt like a million sharp objects have pierce through it.

    The last thing he saw before he collapse was a man wearing an entire black outfit.

    The man appear to be walking on air. He wasn't using khinh cong (a type of martial arts that allow you to fly.), though.

    His whole face, except for his eyes, was cover with a black cloth.

    The sadness and pain from those set of mesmerizing brown eyes were deafening.

    The man was about to pick up the two unscious victims off the ground when a voice shouted.

    "Stop! Let go of them! Those people are mine! I injure them!" a young girl flew toward the man in black and try to slash him with her sword.

    The man easily defeated her. He took hold of the girl's sword and pointed its tip near her neck.

    "Kill me if you dare! Black Python Sect won't forgive you for killing their princess!" the girl said bravely.

    "Co nuong (miss), I see you're still young. You've still have a bright future ahead of you. If you give me the antidote for these people, I will let you go." the man in black suggested

    "Never!"

    "Sorry, co nuong (miss)." the man in black search the girl's body and pull out a small bottle.

    He remove the cap and put the bottle toward his nose.

    He is sure that this is the right antidote. Years of living in a poisonous cave repay him with the knowledge of all types of poisons and antidotes.

    Unfortunately, everything have a price. The man sigh and left with the two unconscious person.

    The girl was just about to catch up to him when she found out she couldn't move.

    She stare at the retreating back with anger and amazement.

    <font size="1">[ March 11, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  11. #51
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    I still don't know who should I cast as Lam Thien Tuan <IMG SRC="smilies/frown.gif" border="0">. Help me!

  12. #52
    Senior Member nickianjo's Avatar
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    Jeh,

    Great Chapters! I'm wondering who will get to be with Louis. Oooh, you kept me thinking alrgiht...hehe...

    Honestly, I would love to help you think of someone for Lam Thien Tuan, but I am as clueless myself, especially when I don't know all the actors.
    "share the glory in the story"

    .

    shut up already

  13. #53
    Senior Member zzzbeauty's Avatar
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    <IMG SRC="smilies/wave.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0"> Hi, I'm your new fan. Please update, and continue; I truly enjoy your story, especially the cast..Louis <IMG SRC="smilies/drool.gif" border="0">


    Hmm...tell me what kind of personality does Thien Tuan have? Is he pure evil, or evil with a reason? It's hard for me to up with an actor because Thien Tuan only appeared briefly.

    Good luck with finding an actor for his character; looking forward to your next chapters.
    <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
    where art thou prince? i want to wake up!

  14. #54
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Hi NickiX,

    Who will end up with Louis? You will know in time <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">.

    You can't think of someone? It's okay. You try <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">.

  15. #55
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Yay, a new reader <IMG SRC="smilies/clap.gif" border="0">! Aaw, thank you for the nice comment, Zzzbeauty. Lam Thien Tuan grew up in the Black Python Sect. It is an evil sect so he can't help but be evil. Thien Tuan is snobby, jerk, stuckup, care for no one but himself. He will change later on, though.

  16. #56
    Senior Member zzzbeauty's Avatar
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    Hmm..stuck up, snobby, jerk and can't help being evil..wow, he's an interesting character.

    Let's see...how about:

    Gilbert Lam
    Kong Wah
    Alex Fong
    Deric Wan

    I'm not sure if the list will help, but I'm sure you will find a suitable character for Thien Tuan.

    Please continue to update with longer chapters. <IMG SRC="smilies/wink.gif" border="0">

    *crossing my fingers*

    Thanks. <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
    where art thou prince? i want to wake up!

  17. #57
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Chapter 12 Different Events

    Ha Ngoc Bich-Kristy Yang
    Luu Tuan Kiet-Louis Koo
    Duong Chi Thanh-Raymond Lam
    Thuy Nhi-Kristy Yang

    A young handsome man sat in a restaurant sipping his tea calmly.

    The restaurant was awfully crowded today. Top martial arts experts crowded the area. They eat their foods while eyeing eachother suspiciously. A group of nuns sat in a corner, meditating. Silence fill the air.

    Suddenly, the entrance to the restaurant open. All eyes turn toward the door cautiously while they grip their weapons tightly.

    A young girl walk in and look around, puzzle to why everybody was looking at her. She was around eighteen to twenty years old.

    After seeing that it was only a young girl, they all sat down.

    The girl look around, trying to find an empty seat. Seeing that the young man's table was empty, she walk to him and smile sweetly.

    "May I sit down?" she ask politely.

    The man nodded, showing no emotion.

    As the girl sat down, the man stood up.

    Unexpectedly, all of the people in the restaurant, excluding the girl, stood up. Their weapons shone brightly in their hands.

    The man make his way to the entrance. A large, burly man was about to strike at him but suddenly fell down, dead.

    All of the pugilistics clutch their throats painfully. Fresh blood pour out of their nose ears, and eyes. They all fell down, dead.

    The girl gasp in shock and immediately stood up. She look at the door to find that the man had already dissappear.

    *****

    "Ngoc Bich, wake up!!!" Tuan Kiet shook the motionless girl.

    Ngoc Bich slowly open her eyes and blink several times.

    "Where am I? Am I dead yet?" she ask weakly.

    "Unfortunately, you are not dead." Tuan Kiet reply.

    "Hey, what's that suppose to mean?!" Ngoc Bich stood up and ask with her hands on her hips.

    Tuan Kiet wasn't listening. Ngoc Bich step on his foot which made him jump upright. Tuan Kiet clutch his foot in pain while hopping up and down on the other foot.

    "You!!!" he yell angrily.

    Ngoc Bich bust out laughing at the sight.

    "It's not funny!!! We should try getting out of here first!" Tuan Kiet said, changing the subject.

    "For once, you're right. This place creep me out." Ngoc Bich shivers.

    They were in a deserted house. Yelloe liquid drip from the ceiling onto the dirty floor. The wall was cover with dirt and red paint.

    Ngoc Bich sense somebody standing behind her. She quickly spun around in fear but all she saw was a huge disgusting rat.

    Ngoc Bich scream out loudly making Tuan Kiet cover his ears in fear.

    Ngoc Bich ran out of the house as fast as she could while dragging an amuse Tuan Kiet behind her.

    Unknown to them, a figure stood near the doorway, staring at their retreating back with sadness showing on its eyes.

    *****

    "No, don't. Please!" a lady in her twenties yell out while backing away from a man.

    "Come here. I will make you my thirtieth wife." the man said and grab hold of the woman's arm.

    "No, dont!!"

    Just as it seem the man is going to take advantage of the woman, a hand tap him on the back. The pervert turn around and was automatically punched on the face which him cause him to fall down, unconscious.

    The lady saw a figure flew away, dissappearing in the night sky. A bag of gold lay on the ground where he had stood.

    The lady immediately kneel down and bow three times.

    "Thank you, hero. Thank you." she said, her voice fill with happiness.

    *****

    "Ca ca, ca ca (big brother)!" a little girl no more than five years old yell out happily. Her arms reach out toward an eight years old boy.

    "Muoi muoi (little sister)." the little boy hug his little sister.

    "Ca ca, that boy who live a few blocks away from us keep on yelling at me. He call me names." the little girl pouted.

    "I will take care of him! I won't let nobody hurt you. I will protect you forever, Ming Nguyet."


    Chi Thanh (Raymond Lam) was snap out of his dream. He open his eyes to see an angry Thuy Nhi glaring down at him.

    "Su huynh (big martial brother), you said you will teach me some new moves today. Why are you here sleeping?" Thuy ask angrily.

    Scratching his head, Chi Thanh apologizes, "I'm sorry. I totally forgot," he laught neervously.

    Thuy Nhi sigh,"you never keep your promise."

    Chi Thanh's mind went back to the promise he made a long time ago.

    "I said I will protect her forever but I didn't keep my promises. Minh Nguyet, where are you now?" Chi Thanh thought.

    <font size="1">[ April 26, 2003: Message edited by: jeh ]</font>

  18. #58
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Okay, I edit Chapter 12 so you should go back and look.

  19. #59
    Senior Member zzzbeauty's Avatar
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    Thanks for the update Jeh. Omg, you have Louis and Raymond. <IMG SRC="smilies/luv.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/luv.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/luv.gif" border="0">

    Lol...I'm still drooling. <IMG SRC="smilies/drool.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smilies/drool.gif" border="0">

    I'm looking forward to your next updates. <IMG SRC="smilies/smile.gif" border="0">
    where art thou prince? i want to wake up!

  20. #60
    Senior Member jeh's Avatar
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    Hey zzzbeauty, look like you're the only one reading this. I'm glad someone is still reading. Here's the next chapter.

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