Legendary Book of Sun-Moon Swordplay

[Melanie]

Yes, I meant the Chinese characters. Forget about this then. I thought you came up with the Chinese names in Chinese first and then the translation.

No, unfortunately, I'm Chinese illiterate. That's why I'm writing a wuxia story in English, rather than in Chinese.

[tobeme]

Chapter 1 - the escape

This story has a lot of potentials. I think just these 3 characters themselves can develop into a wonderful love triangle. Maybe you have in later chapters. Sorry, below are my comments after reading only 3 chapters, so you may have mentioned something in your later chapters. Also, please excuse my crumble English.

I find it difficult to accept when an elegant King, who used to get anything he wanted, gave up his most beloved concubine that easily. He let her go definitely not out of loving her too much and wanted her to stay with the one she loved. To make the story more convincing, unless Yin Yuk did something to him before that he felt he owed her something. Or maybe something that he promised her before to make one of her wishes came true. Because your story is moving really fast (25 years later after the child was born in the next chapter etc, haha), when the king turned with tears in his eyes, it's a good timing to insert such flashback that he owed her something and so decided to let her go, although he was heart broken.

Please, please, please don't take my comments too seriously. Honestly I don't think I can write a story myself. It's easier to say than do, as always, hehe.

[Melanie]

The Emperor and his concubine are unfortunately not the main characters in the story. They are only peripheral characters, so not much elaboration is given to them. The main characters are the ones who appear 25 years later. The Emperor is basically a decent man who truly loves his concubine. He loves her enough to let her go. Perhaps truly altruistic love is like that. He wants her to be happy, and if she is happy with another man, then he's willing to sacrifice his own happiness for hers. Also, when I wrote Chapter One 8-9 years ago, I was young and innocent and still believed in self-sacrificial, altruistic love.

I'm pretty thick skinned so I won't be offended, and I do appreciate constructive criticism. I always take everyone's comments seriously, but I won't be mad. I'm just happy you're nice enough to give me such long, honest comments.

[tobeme]

Chapter 2 - Sweet Bun

I don't think I'm interested in a male character who was drawn by the beauty of a girl and wanted to follow her because she looked beautiful and fragile. In fact, the chain is a good lead story. I rather want to see something likes the girl got his attention because of her chain. Maybe something likes he wanted to release her from her chain. So he used his sword to break the chain but it failed to break it. Feeling sorry for her and to keep his promise to free her from the chain, he suggested that she followed him because he knew of a place/someone who could break the chain. That's the beginning of the two traveling together. Anyway, this is only my thought.

I like the plot that they met for the first time because she's hungry and asked for his bun.

[Melanie]

Chapter 2 - Sweet Bun

I don't think I'm interested in a male character who was drawn by the beauty of a girl and wanted to follow her because she looked beautiful and fragile.

That's the most common complaint I got from all the female readers when I first posted this chapter 8-9 years ago! But if you think about it from a male's perspective, a woman's beauty is probably what captures a man's attention first. It's unfortunate and shallow, but it's usually true. A woman's beauty draws the man in, and after getting to know her personality, he will either like her or dislike her. But it is her beauty that gets his attention first.

In fact, the chain is a good lead story. I rather want to see something likes the girl got his attention because of her chain. Maybe something likes he wanted to release her from her chain. So he used his sword to break the chain but it failed to break it. Feeling sorry for her and to keep his promise to free her from the chain, he suggested that she followed him because he knew of a place/someone who could break the chain. That's the beginning of the two traveling together. Anyway, this is only my thought.

That's actually a really cute scene, with Yik Lun running about trying to chop off Sui Han's chain. I think you would make a good story teller!

[tobeme]

The Emperor and his concubine are unfortunately not the main characters in the story. They are only peripheral characters, so not much elaboration is given to them. The main characters are the ones who appear 25 years later. The Emperor is basically a decent man who truly loves his concubine. He loves her enough to let her go. Perhaps truly altruistic love is like that. He wants her to be happy, and if she is happy with another man, then he's willing to sacrifice his own happiness for hers. Also, when I wrote Chapter One 8-9 years ago, I was young and innocent and still believed in self-sacrificial, altruistic love.

I'm pretty thick skinned so I won't be offended, and I do appreciate constructive criticism. I always take everyone's comments seriously, but I won't be mad. I'm just happy you're nice enough to give me such long, honest comments.

Those innocent days... times fly!

I think if the emperor is an ordinary man, maybe yes. But an emperor is not an ordinary person. From the day he was born, basically he got whatever he wanted. A prince perhaps, but to be an emperor in those old days, he must have killed lots of people and do lots of evil deeds. Of course there are always exceptions.

BYW - I like your poem of the sun and moon swords from the beginning.

[Melanie]

Those innocent days... times fly!

Yea, those good old days when I was innocent and young. Now I'm just bitter and angry!

I think if the emperor is an ordinary man, maybe yes. But an emperor is not an ordinary person. From the day he was born, basically he got whatever he wanted. A prince perhaps, but to be an emperor in those old days, he must have killed lots of people and do lots of evil deeds. Of course there are always exceptions.

A very good point. Emperors are known to be self-serving rather than altruistic. Perhaps one day, if I have time, I'll go back and make some revisions. Right now, I just want to finish this story. This story has been going on for too long. The few readers I have left just want to see me end this thing.

BYW - I like your poem of the sun and moon swords from the beginning.

Thanks! I dreamed about the poem. (I'm very serious.) The next day, I got up and wrote it down.

[tobeme]

That's the most common complaint I got from all the female readers when I first posted this chapter 8-9 years ago! But if you think about it from a male's perspective, a woman's beauty is probably what captures a man's attention first. It's unfortunate and shallow, but it's usually true. A woman's beauty draws the man in, and after getting to know her personality, he will either like her or dislike her. But it is her beauty that gets his attention first.


That's actually a really cute scene, with Yik Lun running about trying to chop off Sui Han's chain. I think you would make a good story teller!

Hahaha, I am just thinking of at least our female readers will find it more decent if he followed her because he tried to free her from the chain, not because of her beauty. Yes, I agreed that we, male or female, are generally got attracted to the opposite sex because of the look first. In this chapter I think it's perfectly fine to describe Yik Lun was drawn by her beauty at first sight. But too much emphasis would disgrace his character. Sorry for my rumbling.

Good plots in Chapter 3!

[tweety365]

Wow, all these thoughtful comments. Mel, now you can't grumble and bemoan you have no readers. So your advertising worked

[Suet Seung]

That's the most common complaint I got from all the female readers when I first posted this chapter 8-9 years ago! But if you think about it from a male's perspective, a woman's beauty is probably what captures a man's attention first. It's unfortunate and shallow, but it's usually true. A woman's beauty draws the man in, and after getting to know her personality, he will either like her or dislike her. But it is her beauty that gets his attention first.

I still don't buy it! Why would any man like a woman because she is fragile meaning she's breakable and because she's beautiful alone? When I read it, I didn't like that he liked her bc of that. There are many beauties in the world, so what made her beauty unique?

I meant to continue reading your fanfic, but I always have too much going on and lose my place. Sui Han and her chain thing reminds me of Xiao Zhao, I may have made the same comment when I first read it. Haha...It has been 9 years since you started the story, perhaps on the 10th anniversary, you'll be able to get it done.

Revision is good. Its good to revisit what you wrote many years before. It gives you the chance to change and rewrite to how you would write the same scene now as compared to how you wrote it in the past. Writing skills and perception changes things in the revised works. I can't say the same for Jin Yong, but I think we know where to develop what was underdeveloped before and fix it so it is better.

[tweety365]

I still don't buy it! Why would any man like a woman because she is fragile meaning she's breakable and because she's beautiful alone? When I read it, I didn't like that he liked her bc of that.

I’m under the impression that some men apparently fall for beautiful damsel in distress because they suffer from the “Superman Syndrome”. The woman being beautiful makes it easy for them to form that initial attraction. Her fragile persona and needy predicament offers the man the chance to approach her and offer protection. It satisfies their need to feel "manly" and "heroic".

[Melanie]

Yes, I agreed that we, male or female, are generally got attracted to the opposite sex because of the look first. In this chapter I think it's perfectly fine to describe Yik Lun was drawn by her beauty at first sight. But too much emphasis would disgrace his character. Sorry for my rumbling.

If I remember correctly, Yik Lun was initially fascinated by Sui Han's delicate beauty, but later fell in love with her sweet innocence. He is a guy who prefers sweet, feminine, demure women. Hopefully, I didn't overemphasize his fascination with her beauty, but honestly, I can't remember since it has been so long ago when I first started writing.

I’m under the impression that some men apparently fall for beautiful damsel in distress because they suffer from the “Superman Syndrome”. The woman being beautiful makes it easy for them to form that initial attraction. Her fragile persona and needy predicament offers the man the chance to approach her and offer protection. It satisfies their need to feel "manly" and "heroic".

I think tweety explained really well why some men would fall in love with fragile-appearing women. I don't think Yik Lun necessarily has Superman Syndrome, but he is suppose to be a righteous, heroic character. Therefore, it follows naturally that he would jump to save a damsel in distress. (And the starving, sad look on Sui Han's face along with the chains around her ankles make her VERY much a damsel in distress.) Of course, as tweety has already pointed out, Sui Han's beauty makes his heroism all the more easier.

Plus, I feel that dainty, feminine women elicit a certain response in men - the need to protect. And because the men feel like they are doing something important by protecting the delicate women, they feel needed and wanted. It's human nature to be wanted. It's all psychological mumbo jumbo, but the "delicate damsel in distress act" works really well when you want a guy to do your bidding and still have him think it is his idea in the first place.




Hey, what about the title for the sequel? Has everyone forgotten about that? Let's vote or something.



SS, maybe my children can continue the story for me if I drag my feet too long.

[Melanie]

I also think that physical good looks during first impressions are HUGE. I know it's shallow and we would all like to think we are above and beyond superficial appearances, but I think looks are very important for first time impressions. Once initial impressions are over, personality then comes into play. However, if you think about it, an initial impression is what whips the man into action and prompts him to come forward to ask for that first dance or first date.

Men are more likely to offer assistance to an attractive woman rather than to a not-so-attractive woman. And this is likely true vice versa with women offering assistance to men. If I remember my school behavioral psychology correctly, someone did a behavioral experiment in which there was a beautiful woman stranded on the roadside with a broken down car, and almost all men stopped to help her. Then, they performed the same experiment with a plain looking woman, and shamefully, not so many men stopped.

[Suet Seung]

We can't give you an appropriate title without knowing the gist of what Sit Chung Nam and The Black Rose's storyline purpose serves and how the story goes. Can you give a brief summary of what kind of story you want to tell? Any detail would help us give you more meaningful titles for their story. Is there an object that pertains only to the two? Like a little trinket that symbolizes their relationship? Or any important object or whatever?

[Melanie]

We can't give you an appropriate title without knowing the gist of what Sit Chung Nam and The Black Rose's storyline purpose serves and how the story goes. Can you give a brief summary of what kind of story you want to tell? Any detail would help us give you more meaningful titles for their story. Is there an object that pertains only to the two? Like a little trinket that symbolizes their relationship? Or any important object or whatever?

Missy, you are asking the Queen of Unpreparedness and Winging Storylines for a storyline? I would tell you, but I just don't know much right now. I can tell you that the prequel will be much shorter than the original story. I'll probably just go with tweety's suggestion, since it's straightforward and allows readers to know it's connected to the original Legendary Book story.

[Suet Seung]

Missy, you are asking the Queen of Unpreparedness and Winging Storylines for a storyline? I would tell you, but I just don't know much right now. I can tell you that the prequel will be much shorter than the original story. I'll probably just go with tweety's suggestion, since it's straightforward and allows readers to know it's connected to the original Legendary Book story.

Okay. Anything about the two characters, SCN and The Black Rose that we can use in the title? Like does SCN have a title or nickname that society gives him? You can title the story The Black Rose and Wandering Swordsman? I dunno. Write a chapter or two for the prequel story and post it in the forum first, I can always rename the title for you once you decide on a suitable title.

[tweety365]

We shall name the prequel - The Smexy Bandit and His Angel . It's perfect!

[Melanie]

Okay. Anything about the two characters, SCN and The Black Rose that we can use in the title? Like does SCN have a title or nickname that society gives him? You can title the story The Black Rose and Wandering Swordsman? I dunno. Write a chapter or two for the prequel story and post it in the forum first, I can always rename the title for you once you decide on a suitable title.

No, SCN doesn't have a nickname. The gist of the story is: SCN is a bandit leader, one of those gray characters who straddle the fine line between good and bad, but mostly he's bad, ruthless, and self serving. He falls for Black Rose, an exiled leader of another evil clan. They fall in love, have a kid, who is going to be the Guardian of the Swords of Sun and Moon.

We shall name the prequel - The Smexy Bandit and His Angel . It's perfect!

You mean The Smexy Bandit and His Angel, complete with the smilie right after the word bandit? It sounds like some story about a leather-clad motorcycle gang leader.

[Melanie]

OMG, check out Wallace Chung's naked torso at 1:00 minute in this video. I don't know what party this is, but it looks like the entertainment is steaming hot. Thanks for sending me the link in my profile page, SS! But what in the world is he wearing towards the end of the video? Just take off the top! He looks better without the clothes on! Sheesh!





Ooops, sorry, this is the wrong thread to post in. I guess I'll just have mosey on over and post Wallace Chung's naked torso in the correct thread. (SS, leave this post alone! Don't delete it! )

[charbydis]

We shall name the prequel - The Smexy Bandit and His Angel . It's perfect!

How about "The Adventures of the Bandit with No Pants"?

BTW, hate men!