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Thread: Legend of Peach

  1. #1
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Smile Legend of Peach

    i know the name doesn't sound right, i will change it later.
    this story is originally created to make ppl laugh, either with me or...not with me.
    there are some grammer errors hiding somewhere in the dark can't be seen by me without my special glasses...and i just broke them 2 days ago.
    so if u want to read a professional piece then sorry for the dissapointment.
    but im sure if u read it u'll get a good mood afterwards.
    so long.
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  2. #2
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    This is the battlefield for many famous people from different eras. Hitler and Da Vinci could live at the same time. The geography of the world remains the same. The technology level stays at 16th century, which means there will not be TV or planes or mechanic weapons in the novel.

    Square brackets are used when the writer wants to talk about some wasteful things in order to maintain the sense of his existence.

    Due to the writer’s own interest, the story will focus on Canada and Far East.

    [Rabbit: It’s actually because he knows nothing about the other parts of the world.]

    [Writer: Shut up, Rabbit, you talk too much.]

    Also, in the novel, people will only have one name---either first or last name…for no reason.

    [Rabbit: It’s because he’s too lazy to write full names.]

    [Writer: (Dialling the Bug-Killer company. ) Does your product work on rabbits too?]

    [Answering-Person: …]

    In conclusion, this novel will establish a martial arts world, where martial arts are the only way to offend. The writer will not be the main character in the novel unfortunately.

    [Rabbit: He meant fortunately.]

    [Writer: Where’s my knife?]
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  3. #3
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 1: Tofu Hero
    Section 1: Two Labours of General Mao

    Thick clouds shade the colour of dark grey onto the moon, which appears above the palace of General Mao. General Mao is one of the only four Great Generals of China, who each has approximately 1/6 of the total military power of the country. The rest lies in the hands of Emperor Tang. Tang is the cruellest emperor of China in last few centuries; he increased the tax rate to 50% four years ago, which caused a huge crisis among the country. More than 50 million citizens joined different insurrections against the emperor. Many ministers and lords of land, including Mao and the other Great Generals, decided to produce their own armies as a step to accomplish their ambitions of power and money. Without knowing all these, Tang still lives happily and wastefully in the dream that he created for himself.

    The dark added spookiness to the magnificent building. Every so often there would appear a guarding troop from one corner of the enclosure. When the troop disappears at another corner, the surrounding regains complete silence.

    But if we look closer…

    “You, Koala, are you sure this is the right way?” Two shadows move cautiously along the enclosure, one of them whispered to the other.

    “I don’t know. I remember we dug the path near the Southeast corner, I marked a sign there.”

    “But which way is south?”

    Koala’s face turns red, “I’m not sure…”

    “Oh, come on. You worked in this palace for your entire life.”

    “So did you, Rabbit. But do you know where is south?”

    Koala speaks with no expression on his face, “do you realize that we are direction-blinds.”

    “I know this since the first time we lost on our way to the washroom.”

    “But then we won’t be able to find the secret path.”


    Rabbit strikes his head with excitement, “how about we just walk along the enclosure around the palace until we find your sign.”

    Koala ceases his expression on his face again, “that’s what we have decided 20 minutes ago; but do you realize how big is the palace?”

    “About 500m by 500m. Why?”

    “That means we may have to walk almost 2 km.”

    “It’s not that long.”

    “But there are guarding troops around, they can appear in any moment.”


    “Excuse me. I don’t want to interrupt your conversation, but I really can’t wait. Do you know where is the gold storage?” a feminine voice appears above, drags their attention.

    They look up, and see a girl in black sitting on a tree. She covers her face with also black cloth, but they know she’s a girl because her eyes contain playful waves that only a young girl would have.


    “I think she’s a thief,” Koala whispered to Rabbit.

    “She might be someone worse, like a pirate or a murderer… or a rapist.” Rabbit predicts and ends up turning his face all green.

    “She can’t be a rapist, she’s a girl. Or may be she’s not...” Koala’s eyes blinks with intelligence.

    They look at the stranger with meaningful looks.


    The last thing they saw before they fell unconscious is that the girl’s face turned white, then green, then purple, and knocked them off with a huge tree branch. (about 1/3 of the size of the tree she was sitting on.)
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  4. #4
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 1: Tofu Hero
    Section 2: “We are Free”

    When Koala and Rabbit wake up, they find themselves in the kitchen of the palace. The sky is lightening up, but the sun still did not show his face yet.

    Through the bare light, two young guys find no sign of the mystery girl, or in their eyes, the rapist.

    “Hey! Are you OK?” Rabbit asks with great concern. If we do not consider the fact that they like to make fun of each other sometimes, then they could be defined as true friends.
    “Yeah, I’m alright.” Koala stretches his body as he stands up. “Do you think the rapist is gone?”

    “I don’t know,” Rabbit shakes his head, “I don’t see her anywhere.”

    “We are probably safe for now. We are in the kitchen, right?”

    “Yeah. What time is it?”

    Koala did not answer his question, “you, I think the path is somewhere near here, I remember using the charcoal that I stole from the kitchen to mark the sign.”

    “Then let’s find it.” Rabbit says with excitement, and heads out the room.

    They are direction-blinds, but they are extremely lucky. When they open the door, through the fair lightness, they see the Southeast corner of the enclosure. They could not tell by just look at the wall, but the sign on the wall ensures them. It says: SECRET PATH, DO NOT TOUCH! Nothing’s wrong with it, except its size. They could see it through the bare light because it is too big; it covered the corner of the wall completely, each letter is no smaller than 5 inches by 8 inches.

    A big sweat drops from Rabbit’s head, like those ones in animes.

    [Rabbit: I don’t sweat that much!]

    [Writer: That’s for exposing the writer’s weakness in the Setting.]

    [Koala: Are you admitting that everything he said were true?]

    [Writer: Picks up his dinner plan, crosses out 'Rabbit' on it, and writes 'Koala'.]

    [Koala: ...(Face turns orange).]

    “How long have you finish digging the path?”

    “5 days. Why?”

    “Nothing. No wonder Mao holds 1/6 of the country’s military, he sure has some good eyes.”

    [Mao: Hey, I didn’t mean not to see the sign, but the writer made me not to say anything.]

    [Writer: “No Guff!”]

    After they have climbed out the enclosure and run out of the city, the sun is already up on the sky. Without the cover of dark, Rabbit and Koala’s faces shows completely.

    Rabbit, a slightly shorter than Koala, about 174 cm, looks more wild. He has a cubical face, a pair of thick and dark eyebrows that show his firmness with support from his tall nose. The only organs that distinguish him from a typical fierce-looking guy are his lips and eyes. His lips always flips up at the sides, showing his humorous nature; while his eyes sparks all the time with intelligence and courage.

    [Rabbit: I’m smart! I’m smart!…]

    [(Rabbit laughs like an idiot.) ]

    [Writer: Number 1 rule in novels: main characters have to look nice; the rule doesn’t allow me to make him ugly as I wished.]

    Compares to Rabbit, Koala looks gentler, even a bit feminine. His eyebrows are as dark but thinner than Rabbit’s; his nose is tall too, but a little delicate. His lips are thin, showing no muscular identity. The only parts that make him looks like his best friend are the eyes, which are also full of intelligence.

    [Koala: I’m not gay! I’m not gay!…]

    [(A father and his son walk pass by.)]

    [Father: (To his son) You have to be strong and courageous, or else you would be called 'gay', like that guy over there.(points to Koala)]

    [Koala: …]

    [Writer: giggles. The rule doesn’t say I couldn’t make the main character look too nice…]

    “You, Koala, do you think the book we stole is some legendary Kong-Fu skills-book?” They stole a book from General Mao's collection as they escaped, and Rabbit assumes it's a guidebook of some ancient Kong-Fu technique.

    “No. 'Tofu Hero', it sounds more like a chef’s book to me.”

    “But Kong-Fu and Tofu, they rhyme.”

    “All right. How about we study this book later, when we are out of the area under Mao’s control.” Koala says with lack of interests.

    “Fine. If I learn some techniques in the book, I will join some insurrections. Then if the insurrection defeat the emperor, I will become a Great General. Then if…”

    “Stop it, Rabbit. You are just dreaming.”

    “…And then I will become…”

    “Quiet! Somebody may notice us.”

    “…Then I can buy all the food…”

    [Writer: shut up! I don’t want to waste my time recording the stupid things you are seeing in your
    daydreams; it’s 10:00pm!]

    So our two main characters finally escaped from their 16 years of labourious lives, stepped into the cruel world. The key to the unstableness of the world is inserted.

    May 8, 2003, King Rabbit and Archbishop Koala started their journey to success. The National Book Tofu Hero was still not known to the public.
    ------ Quoted from the Legend of Peach; written by Yang, the Minister of Nothing-to-Do Department.

    [writer: just to make it clear, my name is Yang.]
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  5. #5
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 1: Tofu Hero
    Section 3: Dragon’s Rage

    Mao’s guards are luckier than any other human on planet Earth, because nobody else gets to see a dragon’s rage.
    When Mao heard about Rabbit and Koala’s escape, he was still calm. But…

    “General, we have checked the treasure storage, $4 billions have been taken...”

    “What? You stupid damned fools, ideological idiots! What am I paying you for? Huh?” Mao’s face turns all purple, and all of his hair and beard went upward like been gelled. With dark red eyes and extended face, he now looks like a mad dragon…a mad spiky-hair dragon. And he goes on, “that’s nearly 1% of my total saving! You know what? You better find those two sons-of-a-bear quick.”

    [Bear: What? me?]

    [Writer: Chill, Bear, this is another bear. I know you don’t have kids.”]

    Mao continues shouting, “I don’t care whether they’re alive or dead, I only want the money back. Understood?”

    “Yes, sir!” the guards ran away quickly. Because dragons might be fun to watch, but they do eat people sometimes.
    One of the guards sneaks back to his apartment with an excuse of going to the washroom. He opens up his secret briefcase, takes out a piece of paper, and starts writing. He writes a news article, and draws a picture of Mao, and summits the article to Daily News.


    S is the largest city in Northeastern China. Great population makes the streets crowded everyday. Many businesses and companies are formed in this city, and some of them, like Z’s iron industry, are so well-developed that they became famous to the whole country.

    But S’s significance isn’t just that. This city is the centre of Mao’s territory, the economy and military base of Mao’s land, and the place where Mao’s palace stores.

    Now, our two characters are in a town 5km south of S, named H.

    Without knowing that they have became the scapegoat of the 'rapist', Rabbit and Koala peacefully and joyously killing their breakfast in some restaurant.

    “You, Rabbit, how is your Kong-Fu study going?” Last night, Rabbit and koala examined the book Tofu Hero. After 2 hours of wasting time, Koala quitted and went sleep. But Rabbit kept trying.

    “I can’t believe it,” Rabbit hit the table, “I tried every single method. You know in old stories, some secret Kong-Fu books may need water to show the word written in different ink, or to be burned to show the real message written on fire-proved paper secretly hidden in the book. I tried all of them, but nothing worked.” He complains.

    “What? You actually burned the book?” Koala has been taken aback, and choked on his food.

    “No, i only burned the cover of the book. You think that I’m stupid enough to burn the actual content of the book?”
    A big drop of sweat comes down Koala’s forehead.

    [Koala: I don’t sweat that much either.]
    [Writer: Chill, I just want to make it fair. See, Rabbit and you now both have malfunctioning sweat systems.]

    [(Two fist marks appear on Writer’s eyes.)]

    [(The father and son came again.)]

    [Father: That’s called panda. Pronounce it with me, PAN-DA.]

    [Writer: …]

    If eyes can really send people’s emotion to others, Rabbit would now receive something similar to: you are an idiot.

    Koala speaks in a disregardful tone, “But do you realize that the secret messages are usually hidden in the content of the book, not in the cover.”

    Rabbit seems abashed. But he ignores Koala, and quickly goes on, “And then I figured the ash might give me more strength and muscle in some magical way. So I ate it. But it didn’t bring me any good except many long times spent on the toilet.

    Koala looks around the restaurant finding something else to divert Rabbit’s attention, before he come up with some other 'superb' idea that may cause himself spending most of the rest of his life in washrooms. He picks up a Daily News on the table, “let’s see the news.”

    Due to bad drawing skill, it takes them 5 minutes to figure out who’s in the picture in the report of Mao. They then finally realizes their extremely critical situation.

    But, believing the Godess of Luckiness is always with them, they decide to stay and hide in a motel until Mao's search is over.
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  6. #6
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 1: Tofu Hero
    Chapter Review

    Rabbit: Today, Koala and I are the hosts of this show.

    Koala: That’s right. At the end of every chapter, there will be a review show hosted by two characters to review the last chapter and introduce the new chapter.

    Rabbit: Before reviewing anything, I must complain a
    little: why do I have to have this crappy personality? See, I’m direction-blind, and kind of stupid.

    Koala: And look at me, I’m so sarcastic.

    Rabbit: I think the writer splits his personalities into each character in the novel.

    Koala: So if Mao’s personality is part of the writer’s personality, then the writer must be cheap about money.

    Writer: (Head sticks out of a huge bag full of gold.) No one steals my money…I mean how dare you speak at a person’s back?!!

    Koala: (ceases his expression) Speaking at one’s back is one of your personalities too.

    Writer: …

    Rabbit: Anyway. In the next few chapters, we will meet this girl who will trouble us in the next many years.

    Koala: But more importantly, we finally discover something in Tofu Hero.

    Rabbit: But we are still not strong enough to beat Mao’s guards.

    Koala: Therefore we will be caught.

    Rabbit: And there’s another thing that I need to tell you guys. It’s so horrible that every cell in my body shakes in fear when I think of it.

    Koala: What is it? We are tough enough to hear it.
    Rabbit: I just can’t say it. It’s way too horrible for humans to hear.

    Writer: Then I will be the one who breaks this fabulous news to you guys. There will be another new character appear in the next chapter: it’s the person who’s both intelligent and brave; it’s the person who fears neither the son or the moon; it’s the person who’s capable of surviving tornadoes and hurricanes; it’s the person who saved us from SARS; it’s the person who’s brighter than fireworks; it’s the person who always support the humans when needed; it’s the person who’s closest to God…(5000 words cut off) it’s the person who has the most beautiful name, and the name is: Yang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Koala: Damn it! I thought I could be free from his insanity for at least another chapter.

    Writer: (expressionlessly) I can still hear.

    Koala: Oh, I should’ve noticed before.

    Writer: (Face turns purple.) You are just dead. For a punishment, you don’t get to host the next review show!

    Koala: Noooooooooooooo……..

    Rabbit: Ha, Ha, Ha………………

    Writer: Neither do you!

    Rabbit: Noooooooooooooo……..
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  7. #7
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    Whoa! Deltatech all over again. Enjoy yourselves, people.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

  8. #8
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 2: Yang and Pikachu
    Section 1: Big Discovery

    “Koalaaa! Koooalaaaa!” Rabbit’s voice appears inside his room in the motel, then starts getting closer to Koala.

    “I’m here.” Koala turns and waves at the shouter as he appears at the corner of the garden, then turns his head back up and continues staring at the moon.

    It’s already after 10:00pm, but Koala is not even a little embarrassed by his acoustic pollution.

    But it seems very abominable to other people who are sleeping or doing you-know-what in their rooms.

    “Hey, shut up over there! You abject son-of-a-(beep)!” a man shouting in his room. Other customers acclaim.

    “That was really abrasive.” Koala whispers to Rabbit.

    “It’s not just abrasive, it’s also the most abysmal comment ever been approached to my gentle address.”

    Most customers vomit after heard Rabbit’s speech. A thief hanging on a roof falls off and gets caught. Koala is already accustomed to Rabbit’s style and so reacts normally, or compares to general reactions of most people, abnormally in this case.

    Rabbit is addled by the reaction of other people, but still curses, “And whoever has that kind of opinion should be bitten by a dinosaur.”

    “Ahhh! Something just bit me!” The same voice yells, “Romeo, I was hurt under your arms.”

    [Rabbit: You can’t adapt famous lines in wrong places. See how gay does he sound in this circumstances.]

    [Writer: Sorry, Sorry. But Mercutio was pretty gay anyway in the new Romeo and Juliet movie.]

    [Mercutio: ...A plague on both of your houses!]

    Before all the customers get up and stomp over Rabbit, Koala drags him into his room.

    Rabbit’s face is ablaze with excitement, “I think I’ve got it.”

    “What? The plague in Mercutio’s curse?” Koala takes a step away from Rabbit.

    “No, the secret messages.” Rabbit’s excitement does not seem to be reduced by Koala’s wrong guess, “ I read the whole book over again, and came to a conclusion.”

    “What is it?” Koala takes a step back toward Rabbit.

    “The secret messages are hidden inside the content of the book.”

    “So you burned the content this time.”

    “No, you don’t need to use special ways to find the messages, they are just the actual words in the book.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “For instance, ‘…Since tofu is extremely soft, to avoid destroy the shape, you should slice it in an angle depends on the circumstances. This way reduces both the pressure added to the tofu, and the force bounced off the tofu…’”


    “What it’s implying, is that when we slash our opponents with blades, we should slash in an angle.” Rabbit stops for a second to let Koala think.

    Koala’s eyes suddenly spark, “when you put pressure on an object, you will receive the same amount of pressure bounced back to you; but if you cut in a certain angle in a certain way, the force that bounced back would minimize. So you would hurt your opponent more and receive less bounce-back.”

    “That’s right, Koala, you’ve got what I mean.” Rabbit accolades.

    But Koala ignores him and goes on, “on the other hand, when your opponent strikes you, if you turn his target to a certain angle, the force that bounced back to your opponent would maximize. So you would get less damage.”


    “Koala, you are genius.” Rabbit says with very rare seriousness on his face.

    “No, we are.” Koala replies in the same expression as Rabbit.

    “But we need to practice. So first thing tomorrow morning.” Rabbit says.


    [Rabbit: Koala, through your speeches I learned one thing.]

    [Koala: What is it?]

    [Rabbit: From now on, when I want to act professional, I will use a whole bunch of “certain”s.]

    [Koala: I’m not the one who wrote it.]

    [Writer: …

    What? What are you looking at?!!]
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  9. #9
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 2: Yang and Pikachu
    Section 2: Being Caught

    “Hey, Koala, you are suppose to cut in an angle.” Rabbit shouts after blocked Koala’s attack.

    “I know, but my hands don’t bring the blade to where I wanted.”

    “Let me try attack then.”


    After a while…

    “Koala, I think we are so inaccurate after all.” Rabbit says after failed to control his weapon.

    “Yeah, we need lots of training.”

    “But how to train?” Rabbit asks tiresomely.

    “I don’t know. Maybe in a martial school or something.”

    “But we don’t have enough money… wait! I think my hideous sense just told me that there is a guy coming this way!” Rabbit says cautiously.

    “Well, your hideous sense must hides in some shallow place, cause the footsteps are louder than a truck.”

    [Rabbit: How do you know truck, you are in 1600 A.C.]

    [Koala (face blushes): … Um… you know… when I uh… was in my dream, I saw this giant metal thing, and they call it truck…]

    [(The father and son appear again.)]

    [Father: That’s called lying. Focus on his expression. When people lie, they always go like that.]

    [Son: Daddy, now I know that you lied to me about Santa.]

    [Father: Son, when I tell you Santa exists, I meant to make you happy.]

    [Son: No, I’m talking about the time you said Santa’s gay.]

    [Father: … I was just…]

    [Son: Ah! Your expression tells me that you’re about to lie again.]

    [Father: …]

    The footsteps belong to the chef of the motel who appears at the corner of the garden, with clear anger on his face.

    “Why did you two take my kitchen knives without permission!”

    “We… um… were just sharpening them for you.” Rabbit suddenly picks up a rock from nowhere and start sharpening the knife in his hands.”

    “No, you don’t fool me!” the chef’s shines with intelligence, “he sharpened the knife in his hand, yours isn’t sharpened.”

    Koala still has not catch up with Rabbit’s lie, “but I didn’t…”

    “Oh, it’s because we just sharpened that one, and we are starting this one.” Rabbit quickly comes up with some explanation.

    “That’s so nice of you two,” the smart chef says, “I’m really surprised. I never know kids these days have such good hearts--- almost as good as mine. Hey, wait a moment! That stone is in my garbage collection. This is stealing! Unacceptable! Police! Guards! I found two thieves!”

    A group of troopers heard the noise so runs over. They capture Rabbit and Koala in a forcefully way.

    “Hey, they are the two thieves in the poster. General Mao’s going to be pleased.” The leader of the troopers whispers in a familiar voice.
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  10. #10
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 2: Yang and Pikachu
    Section 3: “Here Comes Me!”

    The areas north of Beijing are slightly less urbanized than southern regions. Therefore these areas have more plants around cities.

    Now, Mao’s troopers and our two main characters are making their way through a thick and deep forest between S and L.

    While they are resting on a little platform, the leader, so-called the Lieutenant, comes to the two suspects alone, “hey, Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Koala, it sure is a pleasure to see you guys; you guys have become very famous lately.”

    “Nah, we are gonna die anyway.” Rabbit responses lacking interest.

    “Not really. You see, sometimes the suspects run away on their way to the prison.” The lieutenant implies.

    “Really?” Rabbit takes the hint, a spark of light
    appears in his eyes, “So how much is needed to loosen the ropes on our wrists?”

    “Not much, 4/5 of what’s been taken.”





    “So, can we go now?” Koala asks.

    “Not yet, too many people are around. You’ll have to wait till we get to S, when there’re only us.”

    “What? We still need to go to S?”

    “Yeah, so unpeachful, isn’t it? By the way, my name’s Yang.”


    No wonder his voice is so familiar, he’s Yang, the character of the writer himself!

    Suddenly, the sunlight focuses on Yang; applause begins; fireworks launch; Rocket-sized fireworks launch; A real nuclear rocket accidentally launches and blow off Mars. But that’s not the point.

    A voice appears above everybody, “he is the God of the universe; he is the hero of the civilization; he is the protector of the law and order; he is………… the legendary Pokemon!”

    The focused light suddenly moves to Pikachu beside Yang.


    “Ahhhh!” half of the world’s population screams with excitement, the other half fainted already.

    [Yang: ...]
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  11. #11
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 2: Yang and Pikachu
    Chapter Review

    Yang: I’m your host today!

    Pikachu: PikaPi!

    Yang: … And Pikachu.

    Pikachu: Chu, Chu.

    Yang: He’s just showing off and trying to be cute, ignore him.

    (Yang gets struck by a bolt of lightning.)

    Yang: Anyway, from now on, the novel is getting serious. Each section is going to be way longer, and there won’t be as many stupid jokes as before.

    Pikachu: Pika.

    Yang: And yeah, your second most expecting character in the novel, Pikachu, won’t be joining us in a short time. But don’t be sad, your most expecting character, me, is coming onto the stage. Applause!

    (Yang gets struck by a bolt of lighting again).

    Yang: That’s it! You are dead!
    (Yang takes a step back, flips his hat back in a cool fashion, and throw out a Pokeball.)

    Yang: Go, Snorlax! Use your Bodyslam!
    (The Pokeball hits the ground, but nothing happened. So instead, Yang throws out a giant stuffed Snorlax dull right at Pikachu’s face.)

    (He didn’t end up good.)

    Crowd: What’s going to happen in the next chapter, Pikachu?

    Pikachu: PikaPikaPi, Chu, Chu.

    Crowd: Ow, he’s so cute!!!

    Pikachu: PikaPikaPikaPi, PikaPi, PiChu.

    Crowd: …

    Pikachu: Pi, PikaPi, PikaPikaChu.

    Crowd: … Boo! Pikachu sucks! We want someone who can speak! We want Yang back.

    (Yang wakes up from coma.)

    Yang: I am so happy to hear that. I am so…

    (He faints again after a strike of thunder hit his head.)
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  12. #12
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 3: Purple
    Section 1: Sunset

    “Sunsets are always beautiful.” Koala says as he watches the sun burns its last energy before it is buried under the horizon, “not only because of the magnificent image, but also because of knowing that it’s the last sight of it.”

    “Yeah,” Rabbit agrees, “it’s like all of the sun’s energy is released at once, creating a way more beautiful landscape than ever.”

    “You know why is that?” Yang heard their conversation and comes by, “it’s because that the sun doesn’t need to worry about anything else since it’s at the end. So it boosts its energy all out at once.”


    “Hey dude, you’re smart.” Rabbit breaks off when Yang begins to worry about what he did wrong that caused Rabbit and Koala to fell silent.

    “Real smart!” Koala speaks with excitement, “Rabbit, are you thinking what I’m thinking? If we can figure out a way to boost all our energy out in one hit, it would be way more powerful than usual.”

    “Exactly,” Rabbit nods, “as powerful as the beauty of sunset.

    “See, I always consider myself as a genius.” Yang does not quite understand what’s going on, but he knows that he has accidentally provided something valuable to the two. So he goes on, “and the scary thing is, I must, and the world must, admit that my consideration of myself is always right.”

    Everybody simply ignores him.

    The sun disappears at the west as they see the south city door of S.

    “Lieutenant Yang, why are you back at this hour? Did you accomplish your mission?” says Deputy General B on the city wall, the person who’s responsible for the security of the south side of the city walls.

    City wall security generals are very important positions in a city, especially in a major city like S. They are often chosen not based on their talents, but their loyalty. This general, B, have never had any outstanding skills or remarkable achievements, but because that he’s a nephew of Mao--- therefore he would have less chance of betraying Mao--- he was appointed to this position.

    “I am glad that you ask, General B. it’s a long story.” Yang responses with pride.

    B now is regretting for asking such a stupid question. Yang’s habit of exaggerating his accomplishments is well known to everybody in the city via many dreadful experiences. And this time, he provided to Yang the perfect chance to present his specialty.

    After being bombed for an hour by Yang’s story of how he summoned Spiderman to help him capture the 2 suspects--- Rabbit and Koala never knew they were so invincible--- B finally decided to end this conversation, or monologue, in a harmful way.

    But just when he’s about to order the guards to shoot Yang with arrows, he finds that most of his guards are covering their ears and shaking in fear, the rest are laying on the floor motionlessly, hardly maintaining their breaths.

    “You’ve done an excellent job, Lieutenant, I’m sure General Mao will have an impressive reward for you” B opens the city door in a record-breaking speed, “I can’t keep you from all the possible fabulous thing you will receive, so you may pass right away.”

    Like the sun boosts out all its energy, B boosts out all his courage to speak to the devil who’s operating an acoustic war against every living organism in 5 square miles, and then joins the shake-in-fear club.

    [Rabbit: This section seems as short as before. What did you say in last Chapter Review?]

    [Writer: ...Wait till the next section.]
    Legendary Peach Master
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  13. #13
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 3: Purple
    Section 2: Prince Rabbit???

    Once they enter the city, the group is instantly surrounded by an egregious ambience of jocundity.

    [Rabbit: What the hell are all these big words for?]

    [Writer: That’s my family secret.]

    [Koala: It’s actually because he flipped the dictionary randomly and picked some words to start off the chapter.]

    [Writer: Isn’t there any courtesy for animals from Australia?]

    They stand in bewilderment and watch the fireworks conceal the night sky.

    [Rabbit: Can’t they see the firework from out side of the city?]

    [Writer: In the old times, fireworks don’t go too high up.]

    [Koala: Really?]

    [Writer: …No, not really...]

    “What the hack is going on?” Rabbit trembles in fear, “is he celebrating the capture of us?”

    “I don’t think so. General Mao is a fiendishly cheap person, he wouldn’t waste any money on celebrations; he would rather kill you right away.” Yang explains.

    “He’s gonna kill us? Abracadabra! Mamamiya! @#$%!” Rabbit bumbles and bites his fingernails nervously.

    Suddenly, thousand of citizens with flowers in their hands emerge on the boulevard in front of the group.

    “They are gonna kill us with flowers!” Rabbit is obviously insane right now due to enormous amount of fear.

    Koala seems way more quiet and confident --- confidently wiping his wet pants.

    Yang sees General Mao steps out of crowd. He quickly moves toward him to report his accomplishment.
    But Mao suddenly kneels on his knees.

    “Ahhh!” Yang is extremely petrified, he runs backwards at 110km/h to the rear of the group. Then finds out that his pants are … well … irrigated.

    Mao descends his head and speaks earnestly, “Welcome to S, Prince Rabbit.”

    All his fellow citizens repeat him together.

    * * *

    Rabbit, Koala and Yang don’t know how they get there, but when they woke up from the shock, they are already in a welcome banquet. The room seems huge and luxurious, and is coloured mainly in red--- happiest colour in China's tradition.

    The three of them get together whispering.

    “I’ve always believed that you are a special person, Prince Rabbit,” Yang fawns, “I enjoyed every single word you’ve spoken. In the recent days, I learned a lot valuable knowledge from you. It ranges from the political situation of the whole world to the complex use of tissue paper. I was deeply impressed by your knowledge and wisdom. I can hardly tell the difference between you and God. I wish that I…”

    “Can you please hush!” Rabbit says, “I’m not the Prince they are talking about. I don’t know what’s going on here!”

    “You are not a prince?” Yang is disappointed, “you’ve wasted my valuable time. You first made me put all my expectation on you --- not only mine, but all the world’s expectation. You’ve failed the people of China, the people of the world, the people of Jupiter… You cheated on all of us! Shame on you and your shoes!”

    “What’s up with my shoes?” Rabbit yells back.

    “No, nothing. It just sounds nice.”


    “Now is not the time to argue,” Koala cuts in, “we need to figure out what’s happening.”

    Yang nods and whispers, “what’s General Mao up to this time?”

    “I’ll tell you what am I up to.” Mao suddenly emerges behind them.

    “Ahhh!” Rabbit yells.

    “Mama!” Koala screams.

    “Peacherono!” Yang cries.

    “Peacherono?” all three look at Yang in confusion.

    “Well, I just like the sound of it.”

    “Ok… Anyway, Lt. Yang, you have done a great job this time, I will award you.”

    “Sir, what I did was under your magnificent command, I don’t deserve any reward.” Yang's face full of faith.

    “Then I’ll take it back.” Mao turns to Rabbit, ready to deliver his next news.

    “No! After a second consideration, I think a reward would be helpful for me to serve the nation better.” Yang quickly fixes his speech.

    “All right then. Congratulations General Yang,” Mao already know Yang’s little trick, so he’s not surprised to see Yang changing his mind.


    “Yes, that’s your reward. You are the 9th General of my army.” Mao says with pride.

    Great generals have the right to appoint generals without reporting to the emperor. But since generals have high salaries and aren’t very useful when no war occurs, there are not many generals in China. Presently Mao has most generals among the great generals, and all his 8 generals, excluding Yang, are very famous in the country.

    P.S. Great generals, generals, and deputy generals all have a heading of General, i.e. Mao is called General Mao, not Great General Mao.

    “General Mao, you still didn’t explain why am I suddenly a prince.” Rabbit is the most effected one out of the three, therefore he’s also the most curious one.

    “Well, I guess we four men are now tied on one boat together. If anybody else finds out that Rabbit is not a prince, we are all gonna end up 'stunningly dramatic'” Mao’s twenty years of political experience allows him to easily seize the 3 teenagers in his hand. He first threaten them, then provide their only choice, “but don’t worry, if none of us tell, no one’s ever gonna know.” Mao turns to Rabbit, and starts to show him the benefit, “once we send you to the capital, the emperor will officially announce you as his 14th prince. Your 13 older brothers are mostly fools, well...obviously except Zixi. With my support, you’ll have a great chance to become the crown prince.” Noticing the excitement on Rabbit’s face, Mao knows that his plan is all set. It does not take him by surprise, at last, not many people can resist the shine of the crown.

    “I still don’t understand how could this work. There cannot be a prince all of a sudden coming from nowhere.” Koala is the most sensitive one of the three right now, the other two are too busy dreaming about becoming a prince and a general.

    “Well, you see,” Mao is a little embarrassed to talk about it, but he knows that he must tell them to gain their trusts. “When the emperor’s young, he liked to secretly go out of his palace for a few weeks, travelling everywhere in the country, and doing some kids-shouldn’t-know stuff with someone he never knew before and would never get to know because he’s leaving afterward. But he always left some identification like a jade or some diamond made by reserved experts of the imperial family. So if these somebody have any children, their children can bring the identification to the emperor and become princes or princesses.”

    “Oh! I get it!” Yang speaks with intelligence, “you are one of the 'somebody', but you have no kids, so you want Rabbit to pretend to be your child and become a prince.”

    Mao rewards him this time a pair of sunglasses that will temporarily stock on his eyes for the next few days.

    “What happened was, my troopers accidentally killed the real 14th prince yesterday, they accidentally took the identification, and I accidentally realized that you look very similar to that prince, and more importantly, similar to the emperor. So I accidentally planed you to be the prince…”

    “And I will accidentally speak for your property later on, and you will accidentally support me to become the crown prince, and then the emperor will accidentally drown himself in his bathtub, or accidentally get killed by aliens…” Rabbit resumes Mao’s story.

    “Ha, Ha, Ha…” The two careerists laughs together.

    “I can’t allow this to happen!” Yang says with pertinacity, “unless a dinosaur appears in my sight.”

    The other three men point up instantly. A flying object flies over them.

    “OK, I’m in.” Yang says.

    * * *

    Outside Earth’s atmosphere.

    “Sir, I just flew over Earth,” an alien soldier of Planet X reports to his general, “and they called our spaceship Dinosaur.

    “Dinosaur?” the general picks his nose and laughs, “I love it, what a great name. Let’s decline our invasion to 2000 years later.”

    The most magnificent leader of Earth saved his planet from being perished with his unbearably remarkable intelligence and bravery. It once again proves his worthiness as the immortal spiritual leader of the Great Peachists' Revolution.

    The word that saved the planet was ranked 3rd in the list of great words. The first two are Peach and Bear.
    Legendary Peach Master
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  14. #14
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 3: Purple
    Section 3: First Sight

    In Chinese banquets, there are always a period of time where the guests are free to walk everywhere in the room and chat with each other. This period of time usually lasts from an hour before the official start of the banquet till all guests arrives.

    The order of the arrivals of the quests is also fastidious. More important guests often come later, where as the less important guests have to come earlier. Exceptions are made in certain cases, such as today, when the host is a member of the imperial family and the guests are not.

    So now, in front of Rabbit, all the invited guests are present.

    These guests are all upper class householders and their families. Some of them are military or government officials; some of them are very rich businessmen; some of them are both. These upper class people also include a few famous poets and artists. At that time in China, musicians are not being well respected---it’s a different case if you can write poetry and play or sing altogether. There are also a few famous Kong-Fu masters invited since Kong-Fu is very popular at the time.

    To be less confusing, the upper class in China has a very wide range of careers, but they are all rich.

    After their agreement, Mao starts introducing many important upper class people in his territory.

    “That long beard man in blue is the owner of the biggest iron factory in the country, his name is L.”

    [Rabbit: Who would name himself L?]

    [Writer: First of all, I assume that he cannot name himself; secondly, there are just too many insignificant characters in the novel so I have to think of easier names.]

    [Koala: ……(finds no words to say)
    How come there are only 2 lines in this little segment so I don’t get to say anything?]

    [Everyone: ……]

    It didn’t take so long for Rabbit and Koala to remember their names (Writer: you now know who they should thank). But these people are absolutely too boring--- they talk in metaphors that no one can understand. For example, a poet, if I can call him that, intends to prove his intelligence and sense of humour by saying: "grass is always brown on this side." That phrase actually kept people wandering--- they wandered why does the metaphor sound so stupid when the words are flipped around.

    So your most intelligent and wise writer concluded the following phrase that’s going to be taken as a precious and sacred sermon by the later generations:

    "If you don’t say anything, no one will ever learn your stupidity."

    [Rabbit: And your more-than-most intelligent and wise Rabbit concludes this:
    "Whatever the writer says is always very precarious."]

    “Is there any interesting guests?” Koala asks in boredom. Banquet sure isn’t something he has seen before, but after the first impression of curiosity, he really doesn’t like the style of it.

    First he thought that it was just the noise that bothers him; then he realized that he would rather be in an also noisy but more honest place--- it’s the honesty that’s missing.

    [Koala: How come I’m suddenly so deep?]

    [Writer: Well, the novel is getting more serious, so the characters should be more mature. It’s natural growth.]

    [Rabbit: Yeah, right. 'Naturally' grow from a total jerk into a deep guy within a page.]

    [Writer: ……
    Koala, I think he just called you a jerk.]

    [Koala: face turns to Rabbit, expressionless.]

    [Rabbit: (Sweats.)
    Koala, our immortal friendship is strong enough to protect any evil invasion, right? Besides, being a jerk isn’t that bad. Ouch, ouch!]

    [(World population of pandas is increased by one.)]

    Mao meaningfully blinks his eyelids, “actually, there is one interesting guests today.”

    “Who is it?”

    “Well, first of all, do you guys know that the Kong-Fu parties and individuals in the whole country are divided into 2 sections based on their philosophies and believes: one is the Righteous Union, which is doing good stuff apparently; another is the Evil Tribe, which obviously does bad stuff.”

    “Ok, that’s comprehensible.” Rabbit replies, the other two teenagers nod their head showing understanding.

    “The spiritual leader of the Right Union is a mysterious party named Mysterious Party.”

    “…” the other 3 look at him like he’s an idiot.

    Mao knows that name is a bid tedious, so he quickly continues, “the Mysterious Party only has one member each generation, at least one visible member. No one knows where this party locates, but whenever the country is in danger, this party always helps to maintain peace with least amount of casualty. So basically this party intends to protect and maintain the peace and order in China.” There’s a bit of disregard in Mao’s tone.

    [Writer: If u ever read Huang Yi's novels, u will find that i set up a similar party---Mysterious Party---as he did in many of his novels. But i promise this party will function differently here than in his novels.]

    “So they are the police.” Yang says as if it’s a huge exploration.

    Mao cannot find anywhere on his face to punch so punches his stomach. (Yang already received 'sunglasses'.)

    [Yang: Why do I always get hurt?]

    [Writer: When God honours a normal human, he first tires his bones and muscles, hungers his body and skin, bitters his heart and mind, and empties his life and property; so he could be worthy to be honoured.]

    [Yang: Is that a metaphor?]

    [Writer: Adds one more component to the list:
    “and activates his brain and intelligence…”]

    [Yang: But I thought I’m a character of yourself, I’m supposed to be superior.]

    [Writer: Alright. My beloved readers, the novel now will go back to the point before Yang said “So they are the police”. Their will be minor changes made along the way. Enjoy.]

    “So this party is like another emperor in China.” Koala says.

    “…That’s a really thorough analysis of that party, how do you think of that?” Mao is surprised by the deepness of a 16-years-old guy.

    “Well, I don’t know. Just a few minutes ago, a voice from heaven says that I am deep.”

    [Writer: Sings
    I am the God…]

    [Rabbit: (resumes the rhythm) …of stupidity.]

    “What about the Evil Tribe,” Yang is very evil himself so he’s more curious about the other evil things, “do they have a leader?”

    A sudden discomfort races over Mao’s face, “no, the parties in the Evil Tribe are all messed up.” He changes the subject quickly, “the previous members of the Mysterious Party, were said to have the best Kong-Fu techniques and skills; more interestingly, they were said to be all female, with extreme beauty--- at lease when they were alive.” Mao leans forward and whispers to the three, “the member of this generation, Miss Purple, is coming to our banquet tonight.”

    If any other living thing in this room hears this, he would be astonished. But to these three persons who just heard slightly of the significance of the Mysterious Party, this news weighs the same as a random person died due to car accident.

    Moreover, Yang says with lack of respect, “Purple? Even Violet sounds more formal.”

    “Here she comes.” Mao ignores Yang’s opinion and points at the entrance.

    [Purple is the first beautiful lady our two main characters met, they are interviewed afterward about their first reaction.]

    [Rabbit: When I first see he, I felt something burning in my heart deeply; I had this eagerness of going up to her and say…(sees Yang staring at him through the window)… and say Happy Halloween. But my gentleness stopped me. At last, I am the product of the righteous Peacherial education; I’m the newest generation of the Great Peachists Movement; I’m…(cut 400 words off).]

    [Koala: When I first see Purple, I knew, she is the one in my life. (Dodges a chair thrown from the opening window.) But for the sake of the friendship between me and Yang, I stopped myself from doing the wrong thing. My enormous intelligence and self-control tells me to stand back and pray for their happiness; I sacrificed my own happiness… (dodges a table thrown by Yang but is sacrificed under a hit of a baseball bat from his wife.)]

    [The interviewer also talked to Purple.]

    [Purple: Those three people (including Yang) frightened me. When they saw me, Rabbit ran toward me very fast but was tripped over on a chair that Koala threw. Then Koala ran toward me but was tripped over on Rabbit’s body.
    Yang was eating all the peaches in the room--- that’s what he does when he’s extremely excited.]

    [The interviewer finds it’s unnecessary to interview Yang, because through the information given by the three persons above and Yang’s famous series of actions later on, there’s no question about Yang’s first reaction.]

    [But this interview isn’t published at all. Because the interviewer was announced murdered by a cow from Saskatchewan on the next day.]

    Everyone is amazed by Purple’s beauty.

    Her appearance is just like her name, Purple, beautiful and mysterious; Nothing can describe her fully, except amethysts and galaxies. The eyes fulfilled with mystery and intelligence appeal even the most talented artist to try to explore in them; every time when he thinks he have caught the most fascinating clip of them, a little blink of the double-edged eyelids can destroy his assumption. Above them, a strip of indolence hanging on the tip of each eyebrow incomprehensibly elongates her glamour. When she walks in, a breath of air raises behind her which hasn’t been embellished with any perfumes and yet is sweeter than all of them. If there is no perfection in this world, then she would definitely be the closest one to it.

    She walks in to the room in graceful paces. The calmness on her face indicates that this is not the first time for her to be in such place, and to be the focus of everybody.

    Keeps staring at her, Yang’s central processing system--- his brain--- finally starts functioning.

    A set of formulas flows through his mind:
    1 Purple = 236 BMWs = 4590 IBM Notebooks =…

    At the same time, a mechanic feminine voice repeats “Data Processing” every few seconds.

    Everyone else turns his or her eyes away after the first impression, which brings Yang’s stare very obvious. Purple easily notices his stare, but her good temper stops her from having any rude reaction; she simply looks back gently.

    5 minutes…

    8 minutes…

    They just keep staring at each other, with different content in their eyes.

    Guest A whispers to Guest B, “I think they are having some type of Kong-Fu fight.”

    “Yeah, I think so too. It’s one of those legendary lethal combat.” Guest B replies. His speech gains him all the attention in the room.

    He’s glad that the fairy tales he heard in elementary school also work with grownups. So he continues, “my mom’s cousin’s grandpa’s ex-girlfriend’s neighbour’s nephew’s grandson’s pet’s fiancé’s owner’s cousin--- in short, my brother-in-law--- told me that there’s a way to compete Kong-Fu energy through eye sights. If any one of them couldn’t endure anymore, he or she will die!!!”

    Everyone takes a quick breath, and watches the two 'fighting'.

    * * *

    Inside Yang’s mind.

    The mechanic voice says, “installation comp… I mean processing completed.” Then Yang receives the last few components of the formula:

    … = 9/10 billion of Zixi’s signature
    = 100,560,112 peache
    = basically priceless
    = the girl you love

    * * *

    Once assured Purple’s value, Yang starts walking slowly toward her. Every step is a stomp in everybody’s heart.

    “It’s getting intense!” Guest B yells, “Miss Purple is taking advantage. That’s why General Yang’s trying to compete with her by using the help of movement patterns. You see the way he walks? He actually dodged a lot of Miss Purple’s attack by his weird paces.

    All other people can see is Yang's walking straight toward Purple.

    “You can see the expression on General Yang’s face. It’s like he’s enduring something with tremendous amount of energy.”

    Everybody turns to Yang’s face trying to find any expression on it.

    “Miss Purple is almost turning her advantage into success. She releases this enormous amount of energy; that gives pressure to Yang every step he takes. Do you feel the pressure?” Guest B asks everybody in the room.


    “…” Guest B is a bit embarrassed, but he quickly makes up an explanation, “exactly! That’s the best part of Miss Purple’s skills. She can control the flow of the energy that she releases so we won’t be effected. She’s so generous and powerful like the Goddess of Moon who always watches and protects us…” Guest B didn’t get to finish, because Yang punched him in the face and knocked him into unconsciousness when passed by.”

    Finally Yang arrives in front of Purple, “Happily met, my lady and my wife.”

    Everyone breathes quickly, eight people breaks off choking. He called the leader of the Righteous Union his wife? There are no records of the previous members of the Mysterious Party getting married. Is Miss Purple going to be the first one?

    “I will be a wife, when I may be.” Purple is shocked as well, but she quickly recovers and replies politely.

    Everyone exhales relaxing.

    “What may be must be.” Yang obviously doesn’t appreciate anything polite.

    Everyone takes a quick breath again, twenty other people starts choking. He’s forcing Miss Purple to marry him?

    “What must be shall be.” Purple is getting a bit angry. If it isn’t because of her political status, she would kill this guy right now. No one can mess with her and still lives.

    Everyone exhales in relief. At last, she’s not getting married.

    “Then please keep this holy kiss…”

    Another quick breath from everybody, and this time the remaining healthy people all start choking as well.

    Being annoyed, Yang turns back and faces a room of chokers, “if you guys can’t breathe properly, then go see a doctor or something!” He turns to a 6-years-old child and says, “especially you, young man, you smoke too much.”

    That kid breaks off crying… and hands to his parents the cigarettes in his pocket.

    When Yang turned back to Purple to finish what he promised, she already walked away.

    “Damn it,” he whispers.
    Legendary Peach Master
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  15. #15
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 3: Purple
    Chapter Review

    ???: Miss Purple and I are your hosts today.

    Purple: ???’s name is a mystery, so I can’t tell you yet. Sorry.

    ???: That’s not a big deal. I have appeared in the novel before, and our two main characters gave me a nickname of Rapist.

    Purple: Anyway, today, we have a few explanations to do about the novel.

    Rapist: The novel is generally in third person, present tense. But the contents in the square brackets and chapter reviews takes place after the story happened.

    Purple: So the characters in such circumstances are in the perspective of readers.

    Rapist: For example, Miss Purple and I haven’t met, or at least haven’t been written met, in the novel yet, but in this chapter review, we are already friends.

    Purple: I doubt that.

    Rapist: Well, the writer still is not sure about my role, so we still don’t know whether we are friends right now. It’s a bit weird.

    Writer: …

    Purple: Also, from now on, there is going to be several ranks of the characters in the novel. The ranks are based on the votes of readers.

    Rapist: So far, we have got the following ranks completed:

    Most favorite character: Pikachu.
    Most expecting character: Pikachu.
    Cutest character: Pikachu.
    Best character overall: Pikachu.
    Best male character: Pikachu.

    Purple: …(shocked by the results) We’ll now go to the voting place.

    (The camera cuts to a big room. On one end of the room, there are four cardboard boxes saying: Purple, Rapist, Blank, Blank. On the other side of the room, there’s Pikachu with a piece of cloth covering his eyes and a ball in his hand.)

    Rapist: We are now ranking the Best female character. It’s getting really intense. Pikachu throws the ball, and it hits in the box that says… Blank. Pikachu picks another ball and throws, this time it hits in the box that says… Purple. (Whispers) Damn, Damn it. (Loudly) so our Best female character of this chapter is Miss Purple!

    Purple: Now Pikachu is making a new move. He takes away all the boxes and replaces them with four other boxes all say 'Yang' on it.

    That would be the last category of this chapter. Rapist, what’s the next category?

    Rapist: … It’s the Most hated character.

    Yang: …
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  16. #16
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Chapter 4: “I am in Love”
    Section 1: The Banquet

    In Chinese banquets, guests don’t just sit around a huge table; in stead, they sit in small tables of two. The host sits individually on the far side of the room. Starting there, guest tables list in two rows down to the entrance.

    Imperial family members are always the host in any banquets they attend, because the whole nation is said to be their property. But this time, due to the fact that Rabbit knows nothing about the rules and courtesy of the sequence of a banquet, Mao is the host today.

    There’s also a rule for arrangement of the seats; that is the more important guests sit closer to the host.
    To show his caress and approval, Mao arranged Rabbit and Purple to sit in the first table on the right, and Yang and Koala in the first table on the left.

    P.S. Ancient Chinese believes that right is better than left. In the government, there are two highest positions of officials, Right Prime Minister and Left Prime Minister. The Right Prime Minister has slightly more power than the other one.

    “First of all,” Mao speaks when everyone is seated, “I’d like to thank you all for coming tonight, especially Prince Rabbit and Miss Purple; it’s a pleasure to have you here.” He turns to their table and holds up his wine, “cheers, for the peace of the country.”

    Everyone repeats him and empties his or her wine.

    Mao begins to give out some formal and political speech which is very magnificent and beautiful except is also absolutely meaningless.

    Then the banquet officially starts.

    The guests chat in mid volume. Mao sometimes talks to random people and asks him about his health, his business, and other meaningless questions. He tries to be a perfect host who comforts every guest. So far everyone’s happy, or at least pretending to be happy, except two persons.

    The first one is Purple, who’s under Yang’s burning sight since she arrived. Especially when she glimpses over and sees Yang gnawing a peach and still staring at her, she begins to sweat. Even though his sight is only expressing praise and admiration, but she still can’t stop sweating--- burning is burning, different content of the sight doesn’t make it any less burning.

    The other uncomfortable person is Koala. His best friend now is across the room; the only other person that he knows a little, Yang, is too busy exercising his eyes… and teeth.

    “Um… General Yang,” Koala tries to avoid the immense amount of pressure coming from Yang by ease him down, “the peaches today sure taste great, eh?”

    Yang slowly turns his head, with a half eaten peach stacks in his mouth. He lifelessly looks at Koala for a few second, then turns back to Purple again.

    If Yang’s sight burns Purple, then it freezes Koala. Through the dull but acrimonious sight, Koala clearly receives a message saying: Don’t try to steal my peaches!

    Mao noticed the situation between them, but he seems have no attempt of helping Purple. After all, it is really rare and enjoyable to see people with such political status gets embarrassed this much.

    Suddenly, Purple feels the burning is gone, she glances over, finds that Yang is staring at her right side, where Rabbit sits.

    Rabbit is now experiencing the same situation as Koala did when Yang stared at him. The dull but acrimonious sight stops him from breathing joyfully the sweet smell coming from Purple.

    In contrary with Koala a minute ago, Rabbit find Yang has no plan of bringing away his stare shortly. He keeps staring at Rabbit like a cat sees a half-dead mouse.


    “Koala,” Rabbit’s loud voice interrupts the guests’ conversation, “I have something to talk to you.” Then he turns to Yang, “General Yang, would you like to switch…”

    Yang appears beside him the next second, saying nothing.

    Rabbit whispers, “thank you for your gentleness.” And he gets away quick enough to just avoid his back being printed with a footmark.

    * * *

    On the moon.

    Alien soldier A of Planet Y reports to General D, “General, we have successfully occupied the moon; we are ready to invade Earth.”

    “Wait, General!” Scientist F calls, “I just detected an object on Earth moving at nearly the speed of light!”

    “What?!” General D says in disbelief, “you sure?”

    “Positively positive, Sir!”

    “This must be a trap of some sort. They’ve already foreseen our invasion, and are waiting for us to ease our security so they can counter attack us.” General D sounds like this is a real thing, without knowing the speed-of-light person is now happily and contently enjoying a plate of peaches.

    “Let’s run! Soldiers!” General D yells while driving his spaceship away, “we’ll come back with better technology. This planet is invincible right now.”

    Once again, Yang saved Earth… without knowing.

    * * *

    Rabbit walks over and sits beside Koala, and they both whispers to each other at same time, “Miss Purple is really brave and mighty to be loved by such man with such eyes.”

    As Yang sits down, he realizes one unforgivably lethal mistake Mao’s maids made, that is there’s only few peaches on this table. Well, he doesn’t know that Purple threw away as many of them as she could when she heard that he’s coming to the table.

    “Miss Purple… actually, can I call you straight by your name?” Yang begs.

    “A name is just a identification. I’ll only live with my duty and my goal; other things are of no importance.” She tries to imply that she’s not interested in relationship and marriage, so Yang should stop bothering her.

    But Yang apparently can’t see that deep, “name isn’t important… so can I call you My Dear Love?”

    “… No that would be too inconvenient for both of us. Purple is fine.” Purple starts to sweat again.

    “Us? There’s us already?” Yang falls into his daydreams again.

    “…” Purple sweats more.

    “You know, Purple, I’ve been always dreaming about us; now I see that I’m not the only one. So can we get married?”

    [Historian A: We are gathered here today to discuss how many times exactly did our former Archbishop Yang ask ladies to marry him throughout the story.]

    [Historian B: According to the data, there are in total of eleven times.]

    [Historian C: Wait! I think the conversation between him and Purple at the beginning of the banquet should be one too.]

    [Historian A: So that would make it twelve times.]

    [(A spy from Daily News heard them outside the room, but due to the thickness of the wall, he didn’t hear them correctly.)]

    [(Next day in Daily New: “Former Archbishop Yang Married Twelve Times”)]

    [(Yang didn’t end up good.)]

    If she didn’t consider her political importance, Purple would prefer to kill Yang right now. But instead, she can only try to distract Yang’s attention. “General Yang, you and I (she dares not to use 'we' this time) just met 20 minutes ago, how can you be able to dream about you and me?”

    “Well… I… uh… you see, I daydream a lot; but believe me, please, I don’t have any other bad habits: I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, don’t gamble, don’t steal…don’t steal too much at a time that is, don’t snore, don’t have AIDS, don’t eat shark meat (?); and I do have a constant salary, a house, a cat… who died 2 weeks ago of car accident, an umbrella (?), 3 peach trees in my backyard; and I am friendly toward everybody from age 0 to 125; I never pick up anything on the street without returning to the owner; I never leave my friends behind; I am always at he front against evil… evil street cats; I never flash the toilet without using the washroom… or the other way around; but most importantly, I love…”

    “Soccer?” Purple breaks in quickly with much louder volume, “I love soccer too! You know that British player, Backhem (in real life is David Backhem), he’s my favourite.”

    [Rabbit: There is no soccer in 16th century.]

    [Writer: People in my novel invent certain things much quicker.]

    Purple’s voice was loud enough for everyone to hear. But because of her political status and the subject she mentioned, no one takes it as a rude action.

    Soccer in China is something like music, not many people can do well, but everybody loves it. It also can be described as an eternal pain in the neck, and everyone pays to have that kind of pain.

    “Miss Purple, your favourite player is Beckhem? Mine too!” Guest F says excitingly."

    “Experts are saying that he has the best accuracy in the world. If he play golf with his feet, he can still win the world championship."

    The banquet goes on in the soccer theme. Everyone is exposing every little secret of the soccer world just to impress Purple. Rabbit and Koala seem very happy about it. When they work in Mao’s palace, soccer was the only entertainment they can have. They are very good at this sport.

    Yang feels totally lost, so does Purple. She doesn’t like soccer very much, but now she has to listen to this subject for the whole evening. She finds herself did a very stupid thing: she saved herself from a wolf by running into more wolves.

    Afraid of losing Purple, Yang's eyes are suddenly filled with determination of some kind.

    Then he falls asleep.
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  17. #17
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
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    Oct 2003
    my room


    Chapter 4: “I am in Love”
    Section 2: Beset with Crisis

    Rabbit and the rest slept in the guests’ rooms of Mao’s palace for the night.

    [Koala: Since when did we become 'the rest'?]

    [Yang: Yeah! It’d sound better if it’s 'Yang and the rest'.]

    [Koala: … I doubt that.]

    [Rabbit: I am the prince, of course I’m the main focus.]

    [(He got beat up.)]

    Anyway, the night passes away quietly.

    Rabbit and Koala wake at 6:00 am; that’s a routine they had to follow when they were Mao’s labours. For the passed 16 years of their lives, they had been living in a small room and sharing a bed. Everyday, they had to clean up different parts of the palace, sometimes the guests’ rooms. 3 days ago, they can never imagine one day sleeping in these rooms; and when they saw the generals and officials passed by in the past, they also can never imagine one day receiving the respect, or possibly fake respect, from those people. Now everything seems so miraculous--- Rabbit became the 14th prince of China. Just in 3 days, their lives changed dramatically; it’s like moving from hell to heaven in one pace.

    Koala knocked on Rabbit’s door.

    “Come in, Koala.” Rabbit sensed Koala’s coming; it’s some indescribable relationship developed between them over the past 16 years. It feels like they are twins--- they know vaguely each other’s approach, and sometimes even each other’s emotion.

    “I can’t stand these luxurious rooms.” Koala comes in and sits on the table, “the bed is so soft that my body felt like flying when lay on it. How can anyone ever fall asleep on it.”

    “Koala, it wasn’t just the bed that lost your sleep last night, was it? You seem to have something in your mind.” Rabbit starts getting dressed. He leaves the prince costume in the closet, and picks up a normal sweatshirt--- the same kind that Koala’s wearing.

    Koala notices this, but remains silent.

    “You are worrying that I might change into some rich jerk, aren’t you? I was thinking about the same thing last night.” Rabbit continues in an illusory tone, “isn’t that amazing? We were two labours of General Mao 3 days ago---at the lowest level of any human being in the city, and now we are his top guests. And we even share a secret with him…”

    “That’s what I’m worrying about,” Koala cuts in anxiously, “are you really gonna let Emperor Tang 'accidentally' die?”

    “No, of course not. Just let me finish.” Rabbit replies, “it’s like our future is changed; now we really have a chance to become remarkable. Remember we were worrying about the tuition of martial schools before? Now we can go to the Emperor’s palace, where all the top masters works in. We’ll get a chance to take the best education in the world. With our intelligence and determination, we’ll be better than anyone eventually."

    “But what our personalities were are what they gonna be for our entire life.” Rabbit finished dressing and sits on the table aside Koala, shoulder to shoulder. “No matter what we wear, where we live, we are still the same us. No doubts about it.”

    “So you are not gonna kill the emperor?” Koala asks with relief.

    “No, I was echoing General Mao to save our lives. You think he’s gonna let us go if we say no to his plan?” Rabbit drags Koala toward the garden, “don’t waste the refreshing morning air; let’s go practise some Kong-Fu. They have got real weapons here."

    * * *

    They were called to Mao’s meeting room when they returned.

    When they enter the room, Mao is sitting in the host seat and discussing something with Purple who sits next to him. Yang aside keeps staring at her as usual. Mao gives a hint to them to have a seat, and resume the conversation with Purple.

    Rabbit and Koala for the first time suspect the relationship between Mao and Purple. First of all, the imperial family members are supposed to be in the host seat in any circumstance. Yesterday’s banquet was a fair exception, but today, just an informal meeting without any particular rules and courtesy that Rabbit can’t handle, Mao should have saved the host seat for Rabbit.

    Also, it’s disgrace to the imperial family’s authority and pride when Mao just gives Rabbit a hint to sit rather than stand up and welcome him. Purple’s political specialty allows her to remain seated; but Mao, as an official under the command of Emperor Tang, should have and must have shown a certain level of respect to the prince.

    If Purple isn’t here--- just them four--- then these won’t be an issue. But if Purple, an outsider of their agreement, shows absolutely no surprise or curiosity to Mao’s uncommon action, then she must know something about their secret.

    They two obviously didn’t tell her; Yang haven’t had a chance to talk to her since yesterday; then Mao must be the one who exposed their secret.

    If Mao and Purple know that Rabbit and Koala uncovered their underground alliance through these minor actions, they would regret for life.

    Yang hasn’t noticed anything because the oxygen he breathes in all goes to support his eyes, so his brain is basically temporarily dead.

    “Gentlemen, I think we have a problem.” Mao turns to them as they sit, “I just received some information from my intelligence agency, it appears that there are five groups of bandits in this region showing interests in Prince Rabbit’s trip to Beijing and the possible treasure he may carry along the way. Normal bandit groups are not very harmful, but if the information is correct, then these five bandit groups include 'The Animals'."

    Rabbit and Koala suddenly freeze. Mao’s territory is at the northeast corner of China, connecting Korea’s southwest border. Mao’s duty as a Great General is to guard the boundary. Because of the numerous troops in the area, there are not many bandit groups around. But there is one---The Animals. They’ve been robbing the merchants every so often--- not only rob, also kill them--- but disappears even quicker than how they appeared. No matter how hard Mao searches for them, he won’t find them anywhere in the area. Within a few years, this group became the worst fear of every northeastern Chinese. When the kid labours cry at night, Rabbit and Koala used to scared them to be quiet by telling them the ruthlessness of The Animals.

    “You must know how scary they are,” Mao looks at their reflection, then continues, “but it gets worse. After all the indirect challenges with them, I suspect that they have the support of the Korean government.”

    Rabbit and Koala are now really terrified. If the Korean government is behind this bandit group, then it would be, in very high possibilities, a well-trained troop, rather than a simple bandit group.

    Mao continues, “I haven’t got any evidence yet, but every time we chase after them, they always disappear at the boundary. The Korean government either sent them here, or simply permitted them to pass the boundary freely; the Korean government are related to The Animals both ways.”

    Mao points to Purple and continues, “Miss Purple and I figured that the other four bandit groups probably just want the treasure that might go along the way. But The Animals, if my prediction is correct, may have political conspiracy in their desire. Imagine what if Prince Rabbit is killed in my area. Emperor Tang will for sure demote me, and appoint someone else. If this change is made, the defence on the boundary will definitely paralyze for a few weeks. That’s enough for Korea to take over this whole territory.”

    Up to this point, everyone’s face becomes serious. OK, except Yang’s.

    So we decided to send a troop of 8,000 on the way to Beijing.” Mao informs the three.

    “To protect us?” Koala guesses.

    “No,” Purple responses, “to distract The Animals’ attention. I will take Prince Rabbit, General Yang, and you to Beijing secretly.”

    “We’ll discuss the details later,” Mao says, “I’ll go have my breakfast right now. Oh, Yang, could you come with me for a second?”

    * * *

    In Mao’s dining room.

    Mao and Yang are having a fried egg each. “So, General Yang, I see you’re totally fallen for Miss Purple.”

    “Yes, sir. I already asked her to marry me.”

    Mao suddenly chokes on the food in his throat. “Did she say yes?” He drinks a glass of milk to comfort himself.

    “No, she didn’t get a chance to respond.” Yang says with regrets.

    “General Yang,” Mao's breathing system settles down again, “you can’t be too forward in this kind of situation. I’m telling you this because I always treated you like my own child. This is a family secret romance tip I got from my father.”

    “What is it? General Mao, you’ve got to tell me!” Yang pleads curiously.

    Mao clears his throat and puts up a mysterious expression on his face, “this tip is only one sentence, but a really high-quality one. It says: 'when you want to seize, you first need to loose; when you want to punch out, you first need to pull back; when you want to jump up, you first need to squat down; when you want to get married, you first need to get divorced…'”


    “My father was already married when he met my mother.” Mao explains and continues, “here's the conclusion: 'when you want a girl, you first have to let her go.'”

    Yang is stunned in confusion.


    "So, I see you don’t get it.” Mao clears his throat again, “but that’s OK. This is a bit complicated. How about this,” he brings our a romance guide that can be found in dollar stores, “you can start with this simple stuff.”

    * * *

    Nightingales sing while taking a moonbeam bath.

    Yang is in his room studying the guidebook after told Rabbit and Koala about Mao’s tip.

    Rabbit and Koala are in their meeting room trying to figure out what’s ahead of them.

    “So, it is certain, that General Mao and Miss Purple have some underground agreement.” Rabbit takes a bite on his candy bar.

    “Yeah, Miss Purple might’ve complained to him about Yang’s bothering. That’s why he told Yang to stay away from her.” Koala nods and predicts.

    “So, do you think that there’s conspiracy?”

    “I don’t know. But if Miss Purple and the Righteous Union is involved, any conspiracy would have a good purpose.” Koala replies and refills his glass with apple juice.

    “Koala, I have a seriously serious question: are we going to be able to finish all these?”

    The camera pulls back to view a coffee table full of food.

    “I don’t know, my stomach hurts! But these things taste too delicious.” Koala chews quickly on a chicken wing and bumbles.

    “Yeah, I’ve never ate such good food in my entire life.” Rabbit’s eyes start producing tears due to enormous fullness and pressure in his stomach, but he keeps chewing.


    Yang keeps hearing unpleasant sound coming from the washroom that night.

    [Koala: I thought I just became a deeper person. Then how come I’m eating the same way Rabbit eats?]

    [Rabbit: …(wants to say something but mouth is too full to speak.)]

    [Writer: …(To Koala) at least your stomach is deeper…]
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  18. #18
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    my room


    any comments?
    i have the spirit of peachness inside so i am tough enough to take on any disapproval.
    or is this piece not even worth u guys' time to read?
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

  19. #19
    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    Jul 2003


    The latter one, peach dude! Sorry, man, you know I'm a mean, evil person. lol.
    Because I'm somewhere in between,
    My love and my agony.

  20. #20
    Junior Member legendarypeachmaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    my room


    sob sob...
    u meanie...
    but i forgive u, i understand that older ppl r always mean
    and also, im giving up on this one and is currently working on Legend of Peach Remix!!!
    im changing my style in this upcoming novel, and i also reduced the unnecessary characters like Koala.
    Legendary Peach Master
    woohahahah...cough, cough...(choked on peaches)

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