Welcome back and thank you for continuing the works.
Welcome back and thank you for continuing the works.
"Beau non fidele en fidele non beau"
Thanks for updating the translation. It seems that this is a long story so there are many more chapters to enjoy.
I think Sun YuBo took a step away from his path of righteousness here by covering up madam Lin's murder. Perhaps his subordinate Lu will try to avenge his wife later on.
If Sun only admitted his mistake and apologized, I think Lu would forgive him. Lu does not openly show any desire for revenge right now, but it would seem too good to be true if he just forgave the murder of his innocent wife that easily.
Good site to find movies:
I like your translation, so good.
Great Job xJadedx!!! Thanks!
As I started reading, I liked the story more and more and more.....
Are you planning to continue this?
Its BIxie Jianfa Gawdammit you guys!!!!
i like your translation. good work. hope you will finish the book translation
This is my first time posting a translation, so please forgive any mistakes! Liuxing Hudie Jian is one of my favorite Gu Long novels, and recently I also watched the 2010 drama.
I'm very grateful that Jaded translated the first 7 chapters, which were so exciting to read! I've noticed that there hasn't been an update in nearly two years, so I'd like to give it a try. If Jaded returns to translating, then I hope we can translate this wonderful novel together if Jaded doesn't mind. I'm a total slowpoke, but I will make progress (at least one update a month) as long as there are interested readers.
The ground was flat; there were no tombs. Laobo ordered people to move a small plot of chrysanthemums here. With his own hands he buried the first plant.
He knew that the chrysanthemums in this plot of land would definitely bloom brighter than anywhere else because this plot of land was very fertile.
When the chrysanthemums were planted, Laobo’s face was smiling but his heart was entangled on his only son and his most faithful friends, all of whom were buried on this plot of ground. Although their corpses would soon decay, their souls would rest peacefully forever.
Laobo didn’t want anybody to come and disturb them, so he didn’t let anybody know where they were buried.
In the future when the chrysanthemums bloomed, many people would definitely praise this plot of bright flowers, but nobody would know what force made these flowers exceptionally bright.
There would never be any other people, only Laobo himself. Only he knew that he had already buried his own son’s gift of life in this plot of soil.
He hoped that his son’s life could be in harmony with the earth.
Twilight had just descended and the people planting flowers had already left.
Only now did Laobo’s tears flow.
Sun Jian, Han Tang, Wen Hu, Wen Bao, Wu Laodao - these people were not only his subordinates, but also his friends.
Only after they were dead did he realize how lonely he was, how he was gradually getting old.
But apart from himself, he would by no means let other people know his emotions. Never.
When a meteor streaked across the darkness, Meng Xinghun was below the starry sky.
He saw the meteor sparkling, and also saw it fading away.
He asked himself, “Are the lives of some people just like that of meteors?”
Butterflies only ever lived in the spring.
Although spring days pass, they will inevitably come again.
As long as you are alive, there is spring.
This butterfly had already died at least three months ago, yet the colors on its wings were nearly just as bright as when it had been alive.
The butterfly was pressed in a book of Li Houzhu’s poetry. Although that beautiful pair of wings had already been pressed so thin as if transparent, every part of its body was intact and whole. Thus its body looked delicate and alive, as if at any moment it might spread its wings and fly away in the wind.
She opened this book of poetry and right away saw this butterfly. On that page was coincidentally her most beloved poem.
“The forest flowers withered; the spring bloom was too hurried...”
After flowers wither, they will reopen; after spring passes, it will return.
But what about this butterfly?
“The forest flowers withered; the spring bloom was too hurried...”
This poem is nearly as beautiful as the butterfly, so it circulates for all eternity, never to be forgotten.
But what about the composer of this poem?
Is the composer’s life like that of the butterfly?
If people have too much emotion, would they become like the butterfly?
Sentimental people are especially easy to be tormented; sentimental people suffer the most.
Sentimental people’s lives are always rather weak and fleeting.
“Miss, the water is ready.” Her servant girl Lanlan hurriedly entered. When she saw the butterfly in her hand, beaming eyes showed on her apple-like face.
She lifted her head and asked, “Did you capture this butterfly?”
Lanlan groaned, “I tried catching it for a long time and after much difficulty finally captured it. Fortunately I didn’t break off its wings.”
She lightly breathed in and said, “Although you didn’t break off its wings, you killed it. Don’t you feel bad?”
Lanlan smiled and said, “Butterflies die quickly anyway.”
She interrupted her and said, “Humans also die quickly anyway, right?”
Lanlan said, “But...but...”
She frowned and said, “But what? Has the butterfly ever harmed you?”
Lanlan said, “No.”
She breathed in again and said, “Then why did you harm it?”
She never understood why humans were so cruel to butterflies.
Humans hunt and kill wild beasts because wild beasts harm them.
Humans enslave oxen and horses, kill and cook sheep, because these livestock were reared by humans.
But butterflies, so kind-hearted, so innocent, for the sake of the world’s beauty and spreading pollen, never wanted humans to repay them.
Why do humans still insist on being so cruel to them?
Lanlan bit her lip and thought for a while before lowering her head and saying, “I captured it merely because it was very beautiful, very attractive...”
Could it be that “beauty” also breeds evil?
Why is it that the more beautiful the life, the easier it is to receive harm?
Lanlan also said, “I actually didn’t want to harm it.”
She sighed, “Although you didn’t want to harm it, it still died at your hands.”
Lanlan pouted, “But now it is still as beautiful as when it was alive. If I hadn’t captured it, perhaps by now it would have already died in a hidden ditch, or been swallowed by a spider.”
She stared blankly, unable to say anything.
She couldn’t admit that Lanlan’s words were reasonable.
Although the butterfly was already dead, its beauty had already been preserved and admired by humans.
Its life already had value.
Humans are also like this: it is not important if a person is alive or dead; it is important whether or not his life is valuable.
“Some deaths are as light as goose feathers, others as heavy as Mount Tai.” Isn’t it precisely this meaning?
Lanlan said, “Miss, the water is almost cold, so you should quickly bathe. Aren’t you going out tonight?”
She nodded her head, lightly pressing the butterfly back into the book.
Although the composer of the poems was already dead, these words and sentences are immortal, so he is also immortal.
Although he was already dead, he had more worth than many living people.
So what if he was dead?
The water actually wasn’t cold, but night had already shrouded the earth.
The meeting time had already passed.
She wasn’t worried at all, and was lazily reclining in the warm water. She knew that the person who had asked her to meet would wait.
Moreover, it didn’t matter if he waited or not.
Even though he was young and handsome, especially when wearing that large red cloak, and was even more talented, sufficient to enchant many maidens.
Even though he was considerate to her, docile and caring, and treated her as a fairy, not hesitating to use all methods to win her favor.
But she didn’t really care about him.
She didn’t care about anyone, no matter who they were.
Sometimes as she thought about this, she felt she was frightful.
Perhaps because she completely didn’t care about him, he was therefore so dead set on her.
If she really fell in love with him and married him, perhaps he would then not care about her.
Humans are originally strange animals. As for the things they have, they never know to cherish; by the time they lose them, they would often feel remorse and pain.
Why do humans like to torment themselves?
Nowadays she rarely thought about these matters, perhaps because she already saw too clearly through human life, so she was weary of everything.
She was still young, and originally shouldn’t see so clearly through human life, shouldn’t be so weary.
Of those people who surrounded her, many of them were older than her, but they were interested in everything. Even the most trivial matters could make them smile incessantly.
Sometimes she thought they were too childish, too boring.
As she looked at the clear ripples, she suddenly thought of that young person who had sat at the water’s edge the other day.
That young person whose eyes had been full of melancholy and suffering.
He was still young, but he had seemed even wearier of human life than her.
She sighed softly and murmured, “Perhaps I should let him die, because I cannot give him happiness...”
Lanlan walked in with her head lowered and handed over a clean headscarf. She smiled and said, “Miss, have you finished washing your face? Young Master Hua is surely almost insane from waiting.”
She said indifferently, “Let him wait, let him go insane.”
Lanlan blinked and asked, “Miss, could it be that you don’t like him at all?”
She shook her head.
Lanlan asked, “Then why does Miss recently always go out to play with him?”
She gazed at the water and slowly said, “Perhaps because nobody comes to meet me.”
Young Master Hua, wearing a large red cloak, stood under a tree.
A crescent moon hung on the treetop.
The night sky was already dark; why hadn’t she arrived?
Young Master Hua was indeed almost insane from waiting, and wanted to immediately rush to her home to ask her.
But he didn’t dare.
He didn’t dare do anything that might make her unhappy.
Sometimes he would get angry on behalf of himself, extremely angry, thinking that he was originally fine alone, but for whatever reason was bullied by her.
He even cursed many times, and after cursing decided to never call on her again.
But he couldn’t.
It was as if he were bound with an invisible rope that pulled him to call on her.
So long as he saw her, his heart would immediately fill with gentle feelings and honey desires, his anger long since disappeared. In the lake’s darkness, a person’s shadow suddenly walked out.
Young Master’s heart jumped: “She’s arrived.”
This person’s steps stumbled; apparently it was a drunkard who wore a crooked hat that covered more than half his face. Even from a distance he smelled of old wine.
Young Master Hua frowned. Whenever he wasn’t drunk, he was always disgusted by those who were drunk. Yet whenever he was drunk, he thought he was outspoken and adorable.
He wished that the drunkard would quickly walk past him, but this drunkard unfortunately walked towards him and suddenly asked, “Are you waiting for someone?”
Young Master Hua lifted his head, absolutely disdaining to pay attention.
The drunkard muttered, “I’ve also waited for people, but I only wait for people worthy of being waited on. How about you?”
Young Master Hua coldly said, “It’s none of your business.”
The drunkard smiled and said, “Of course it’s none of my business. But if you’re waiting for a prostitute, that’s not worthwhile.”
Young Master Hua grabbed his lapel and shouted, “What did you say?”
The drunkard replied, “If you’re not waiting for a prostitute, don’t tell me that she’s an empress then?”
Young Master Hua said, “So what if she is?”
The drunkard smiled again and said, “Perhaps she’s your empress, but she’s my prostitute.”
In great anger Young Master Hua swung his fist; the fist hadn’t yet hit his face when he suddenly discovered that this drunkard’s eyes were as sharp as knives, and he wasn’t intoxicated at all.
The drunkard looked at him coldly, his sharp eyes seemingly carrying a little mocking.
Young Master Hua’s heart thumped and he asked, “Can it be that you know who I’m waiting for?”
The drunkard replied, “You’re waiting for Xiao Die, right?”
Emotionally moved, Young Master Hua asked, “Do you know her?”
The drunkard nodded his head and said, “How can I not know her? She’s your empress, and she’s also my prostitute.”
Young Master Hua could no longer contain his anger and swung his fist again. Just as it reached this drunkard, he suddenly felt a severe pain in his stomach, as if a sharp needle had directly pierced into him.
He bent at the waist in pain, as the drunkard’s knee had already struck his face. He was only aware that there were stars before his eyes. He collapsed face up, the blood flowing out of his nose even redder than his cloak.
The drunkard bent his head to look at him and muttered, “Strange, although this person’s nose is already crooked, it still isn’t too ugly.” Young Master Hua gasped for breath, wanting to stand up.
But the drunkard’s leg was already flying towards him. He only felt a bone-piercing ache at his waist; in addition, his facial features became deformed, and his mouth was full of broken and ruptured teeth.
The drunkard slowly nodded his head and said, “It’s a good deal better like this, but I can let you become even better.”
Young Master Hua was no longer angry, only afraid. In a trembling voice he asked, “Why...why must you deal with me?”
The drunkard chatted, “Because she’s my prostitute, only my prostitute, not yours.”
Xiao Die stood there, facing the darkness. The red cloak she wore seemed like it had already turned dark purple in the darkness, the dark purple of coagulated blood.
On the ground was a mess; now she no longer vomited.
Now she was no longer even frightful, no longer angry, but she couldn’t not think. Therefore she couldn’t not be grieved.
“He’s still a child; what did he do wrong?”
A healthy youth who fell in love with a beautiful girl, nobody can fault him.
But now someone had hung him from a tree like a wild dog.
A wild dog used by someone and randomly beaten to death with a stick.
What did he do wrong, his only mistake was in falling in love with a person who should not be loved, who could not love.
“I should have told him much earlier that I am not his partner. I should have known much earlier that there would be such painful consequences.”
Xiao Die closed her eyes, suddenly thinking of events from many years ago.
To be continued...
thank you. keep translating.
You're welcome! Yay, I'm glad someone's reading! Hehehe chapters 8 and 9 are both monstrously long (much longer than the last few chapters), and they have far more dialog than action. But because I rather like Meng Xinghun, I'll endure, haha! I guess this was a pretty uneventful Christmas for me because I translated a big chunk while I'm usually really slow.
Chapter 8 Continued
At that time perhaps she was a child, perhaps she was a child who had already grown into a woman, brimming with beautiful images of life and love.
At that time it was precisely springtime, when flowers had already bloomed. Her people were just like flowers, blown by the wind to be bright and fragrant.
What about a flower-like girl?
She suddenly felt that a youth was paying attention to her. Anytime and anywhere, she could sense his bright eyes staring at her.
Perhaps this youth was silent, perhaps he was shy. But his eyes contained a fire-like passion that surpassed a thousand words.
She also really liked this youth’s willingness to approach her.
If only they had the opportunity, they would have surely gotten to know each other and fallen in love.
But it was a pity that they never had the opportunity.
They had only just gotten acquainted when all of a sudden he went missing. Since then, she never saw him again.
Originally she was baffled and unable to guess why he had suddenly avoided meeting her. After a long time, she gradually realized that no matter who fell in love with her, he would very quickly go “missing.”
Of course she knew who was doing this.
After this person took possession of her, he forbade any person from ever touching a single finger of hers.
In the beginning she was not only frightened but also angry, angry to the extent that she almost couldn’t help but kill this person.
She didn’t have that kind of strength, or moreover that kind of courage.
When he had possessed her, she had been entirely unable to resist.
Since then she could only endure, endure. She endured until she was nearly insane, and then she would recklessly go find other men, other boys.
She could only bring misfortune to others.
Every time the outcome was the same - just like the present outcome.
Although Young Master Hua’s fate was sad and horrifying, her fate was ten times more miserable.
Although Young Master Hua was innocent, how could she not also be innocent?
She hadn’t done anything wrong.
Her only mistake was that an inhuman person had fallen in love with her and entangled her.
She had been incapable of resisting, and couldn’t even flee.
Xiao Die slowly walked onward, heading for the darkness.
She didn’t turn around for one more glance, but her tears had already started flowing.
Perhaps her tears didn’t actually flow for other people, but for herself.
She wasn’t actually walking back; she didn’t want to return home, because she knew that person was definitely waiting for her right now. Waiting for her with outstretched hands.
That pair of murderous hands had definitely already been washed very clean now, but the reek of blood on the hands could never be washed off.
Whenever that pair of hands embraced her, she wished she could die.
She couldn’t die.
She had a reason for not dying.
There was only one reason, a reason that any woman could not accept.
So she couldn’t endure, endure his caresses, his embrace, endure his wine-reeking mouth rubbing on her face.
This was also what she abhorred the most.
Only when he was drunk did he seek her, only when he needed her did he seek her.
It seemed like he only sought her for one thing, one thing that made her nauseous. She never found the slightest amount of pleasure in this.
She was only a means for him to vent.
She not only dared not refuse, she even dared not expose a trace of any disgusted expression, because he never forgot to remind her.
“If you don’t love me, if you dare leave me, I’ll make you die.”
Xiao Die had already walked for a long time, but ahead of her it was just as dark as the places she had passed.
Even more dark.
She didn’t know, where should she walk to? Where could she walk to?
It seemed as if there was absolutely no place on earth that she could escape to, and even though she was fully aware of this, she still didn’t want to return.
As soon as she thought of that pair of hands she couldn’t help but want to vomit.
Ahead there was the sound of running water.
She hurriedly walked over.
The calm river water at night seemed like an ash-colored noose, mercilessly breaking off the calm solitude of the earth.
She saw light mist rising up from the river water, gentle and beautiful; however, the fog quickly disappeared.
“If only I jump into the fog, wouldn’t all my agony and suffering also quickly disappear along with this fog?”
She suddenly had an impulse to recklessly jump down.
At this moment, it seemed as if she heard a person’s voice.
“Do you want to die?”
The voice was distant and indistinct, as if an apparition in the darkness was inquiring after her secret.
She involuntarily nodded her head.
This voice then asked, “Have you lived before?”
She suddenly looked back, and saw that pair of eyes.
The eyes had the same brightness, the same fire-like passion contained in the midst of indifference.
In this split second, she nearly regarded him as that silent youth from long ago, that youth who had suddenly gone missing.
It was just that he was even younger, even more melancholy. At present the cold corner of his mouth carried a mild smiling expression, as if he was saying to her, “You asked me these words before, do you remember?”
Of course she remembered; there are certain people whom after meeting once are very difficult to forget.
Meng Xinghun was one of these people.
Xiao Die also gazed at him and asked, “You’re not dead?”
The smile wrinkle at the corner of Meng Xinghun’s mouth deepened and he replied, “If a person hasn’t even lived before, how can he die?”
Xiao Die suddenly discovered that a small smile had appeared on her own face and she asked, “When did you arrive?”
Meng Xinghun said, “I arrived at the time I ought to arrive.”
Xiao Die asked, “At the time you ought to arrive?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I always felt as if I owed you a little something, that’s why.”
Xiao Die asked, “You believe that I saved you before, so you ought to save me once, right?”
Meng Xinghun smiled and said, “To be honest, I never thought that there would ever be a time when someone like you would want to die.”
Xiao Die hung her head, then lifted her head and asked, “Do you always speak like this?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I only speak the truth.”
Xiao Die said, “The truth is sometimes hurtful to people.”
Meng Xinghun said, “Perhaps lies may not hurt people, but they hurt people’s hearts.”
Xiao Die gazed at him, her pupils brighter, and asked, “Then that day if I hadn’t arrived, would you have really died?”
Meng Xinghun was silent and then slowly said, “I only wanted to die...whether or not I wanted to die and whether or not I would die are two different matters.”
Xiao Die smiled and said, “So I didn’t actually save you, and you also didn’t save me.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “People who truly want to die cannot be saved by anyone.”
Xiao Die slowly nodded her head and said, “So you don’t owe me, and I also don’t owe you.”
Meng Xinghun said, “I do owe you.”
Xiao Die asked, “What do you owe me?”
Meng Xinghun’s pupils resembled mist as they stared at her, and word by word he said, “At present I already don’t want to die.”
Xiao Die smiled again and said, “If that’s so, then I also owe you.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “What do you owe me?”
Xiao Die replied, “I never thought that tonight I could smile.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Do you like to smile?”
Xiao Die said, “Whether or not I like to smile and whether or not I can smile are also two different matters.”
Meng Xinghun pressed, “You smiled only when you saw me?”
Xiao Die replied, “Mm.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “You consider me a funny person?”
Xiao Die said, “Not funny, but fascinating.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “In that case, why won’t you come drink two cups of wine with me?”
Xiao Die blinked and said, “Who said I won’t?”
The wine wasn’t good.
So late at night, good wine could not be found.
It wasn’t a problem if the wine wasn’t good. What some people wanted to drink was not actually wine, but the emotional appeal of drinking wine.
Meng Xinghun raised his cup and said, “I don’t like to propose toasts to other people.”
Xiao Die replied, “I also don’t like other people to propose toasts to me.”
Meng Xinghun said, “However, I dislike it even more when other people drink less.”
Xiao Die smiled and said, “People who drink wine all have this fault, always wanting other people to get drunk first. Even if he wants to get drunk, he also wishes that other people will get drunk first.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “It seems that you understand drunken people very well.”
Xiao Die answered, “That’s because I’m one of them.”
Meng Xinghun smiled and said, “It seems that you also don’t like to tell lies.”
Xiao Die smiled and replied, “That’s because I have no need to lie to you.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “What if you need to then?”
Xiao Die slowly raised her wine cup, gazing at the wine in the cup, and said, “When I need to, I lie often, and moreover sometimes I don’t even believe my own lies.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “In what case do you have the need?”
Xiao Die replied, “There are many such circumstances.”
Meng Xinghun said, “For instance...”
Xiao Die answered, “For instance, if you take a fancy to me, and you let me know that you like me.” She smiled and finished the wine in the cup in one gulp. “Of course that’s impossible.”
Meng Xinghun also slowly raised his wine cup, yet didn’t gaze at the wine in the cup. His eyes, above the rim of the cup, stared at her. He slowly asked, “Why is it impossible?”
Xiao Die replied, “Because...we don’t understand each other at all; it could even be said that we are not acquainted.”
Meng Xinghun said, “But we’re already acquainted now, not to mention...” He quickly finished this cup of wine, refilled his cup, and drank it down before continuing, “Understanding is one matter, liking is another matter; I believe that there are definitely few people who understand you, but many who like you.”
Xiao Die smiled and asked, “Are you flattering me or mocking me?”
Meng Xinghun also smiled and replied, “I’m merely saying what my heart wants to say.”
Xiao Die asked, “Do you usually say to other people what your heart wants to say?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I never say so...”
Xiao Die said, “But today you...”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Today is an exception, and you are an exception.”
Xiao Die asked, “Why?”
Meng Xinghun was silent for a long time, suddenly sighed deeply, and replied, “I don’t know either.”
Xiao Die was also silent.
She suddenly discovered that her heart also had the same feeling; she felt she could speak out her worries, she felt that she could be free and unrestrained in front of this person.
She didn’t know either.
To be continued...
Last edited by Xaari; 12-26-10 at 01:08 AM.
Xaari, thanks for continuing this, been waiting 4 a long time;
Thanks for the update Xaari. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading more.
Thanks for the encouragement, guys! I guess I translated super fast today again. Dialog is so much easier to translate, but I'm really itching for a change of characters and some more action, haha.
Chapter 8 Continued
She only smiled and said, “Your shortcoming is that you say too much but drink too little.”
Meng Xinghun said, “I’m waiting for you.”
Xiao Die asked, “Waiting for me?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Already you’ve drunk two cups less than me.”
Xiao Die asked, “You want me to drink as much as you?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Mm.”
Xiao Die asked, “You want to get me drunk?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “Indeed I have this intention.”
Xiao Die smiled and said, “Then I’ll warn you, it’s not at all easy to get me drunk.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Because it’s not easy, it’s interesting; the more difficult, the more interesting.”
Meng Xinghun really liked Han Tang’s wooden cottage, perhaps because he and Han Tang shared some similarities.
This wooden cottage wasn’t comfortable, yet it was peaceful.
After Han Tang’s death, no one came into this wooden cottage. This was because Han Tang’s worth depended on his two hands, so after his death, everything that belonged to him immediately became completely worthless.
Meng Xinghun already regarded this wooden cottage as his own.
The place where they drank wine was outside the wooden cottage. At present the stars gradually became rarer, and the night became deeper.
Meng Xinghun said, “I suddenly discovered that when I’m with you, not only do I talk a lot, but I also drink a lot.”
Xiao Die replied, “A person is only like this when spending time together with an old friend, right?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “Yes.”
Xiao Die said, “But we’re not old friends.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “We’re not.”
Xiao Die’s pupils were brighter, even brighter than the sky’s last stars.
Meng Xinghun suddenly smiled and said, “I heard that the more wine you drink, the brighter your eyes become, right?”
Xiao Die smiled and asked, “How much else do you know about me?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I know that your tolerance for wine is really good, and I know that other people call you Xiao Die.”
Xiao Die asked, “What else?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “Nothing else.”
Xiao Die said, “Yet I don’t even know your name.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “My family name is Meng...”
Xiao Die interrupted him and said, “I don’t know your name because there is no relationship whatsoever between us, none in the past and none in the future.”
Meng Xinghun suddenly felt his heart sinking and he couldn’t help but ask, “Why?”
Xiao Die replied, “Because I’m not happy.” She suddenly stood up and walked out.
Meng Xinghun asked, “You’re leaving?”
Xiao Die answered, “I should have left much earlier.”
Meng Xinghun said, “I’ll see you off.”
Xiao Die said, “No need, no need, no need...” She didn’t look at Meng Xinghun again and continued, “I have legs, and my legs aren’t broken.”
Meng Xinghun said, “In the future...”
Xiao Die replied, “In the future? We have no future, in the future you still don’t know me, and I don’t know you.”
This person seemed as if she had suddenly changed. Changed in a split second, and became unfeeling and cruel.
How can anyone guess how she changed? Women’s thoughts can’t be understood by anyone in the first place.
Meng Xinghun’s heart seemed as if it felt a stab of pain, as if a needle had pricked the left side of his chest.
He said no more, and quietly watched her leave. He didn’t like to force people, especially women.
Unexpectedly Xiao Die suddenly turned around and asked, “You’ll let me leave like this?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “What else can I do?”
Xiao Die said, “You don’t want me to stay.” Her eyelids suddenly became hazy and continued, “If it were other people, they would definitely think of methods to make me stay.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I’m not other people; I’m just me.”
Xiao Die stared at him, then smiled and said, “You are so interesting, so interesting...” She suddenly walked back again, picked up a wine cup, and looked at it: the wine cup was empty.
She then picked up the wine jug and drank directly from it.
Meng Xinghun said, “You’re already a little drunk.”
Xiao Die wiped the traces of wine from the corner of her mouth, smiled, and asked, “You don’t like it when I’m drunk? When women are drunk, that’s when men have the chance to take advantage of them.”
With a “peng” sound, the wine jug in her hand dropped and broke into pieces.
She suddenly sat down on the ground, shouting and crying loudly, and said, “I don’t want to go back, don’t want to go back.”
Xiao Die didn’t go back.
When she was awake she discovered that she was sleeping on a small bed that was both cold and stiff.
Her clothes were just as intact as they were last night, and even her shoes were still on her feet.
That youth named Meng sat there the entire time, unmoving.
Xiao Die glanced at him gratefully. Her smile carried an apology as she asked, “Did I get drunk last night?”
Meng Xinghun smiled and replied, “Everyone gets drunk at some point in time.”
Xiao Die’s face reddened and she said, “Usually I don’t get drunk that quickly.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I know that yesterday you were in a bad mood.”
Xiao Die asked, “You know?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “People who are in a good mood absolutely won’t run alone to the river bank wanting to die.”
Xiao Die hung her head, and after a long time she asked, “After I got drunk, what did I say?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “You said that you didn’t want to go back.”
Xiao Die asked, “I...I didn’t say anything else?”
Meng Xinghun asked, “What did you think you would say?”
Xiao Die didn’t answer, suddenly stood up, gathered her hair, smiled, and said, “Now I really should go back.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I know.”
Xiao Die said, “You...you don’t need to see me off.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I know.”
Xiao Die suddenly raised her head and asked, “Why do you keep staring at me?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “Because I’m afraid.”
Xiao Die asked, “Afraid, afraid of what?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Afraid that in the future I’ll never be able to see you again.”
Xiao Die’s heart suddenly trembled, as if she were mimosa grass being blown by the spring wind, and she couldn’t help but look at him. She saw that his pupils were brimming with pain.
Meng Xinghun slowly continued, “I hope that in the future I can go find you.”
Xiao Die shouted, her voice so loud that she scared even herself, so she stopped and said, “If you try to find me, you’ll definitely regret it.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Regret?”
Xiao Die replied, “I’m not good for you, I’m not good for anyone; anyone who meets me will be out of luck.”
Meng Xinghun said, “That’s my business; I’m only asking you...” He stared at her deeply, and word by word said, “I’m only asking you, do you wish for me to find you again?”
Xiao Die replied, “You absolutely cannot go find me.” She lowered her head, and discovered that her heart was starting to soften. She continued softly, “But in the future, maybe I’ll come find you.”
Xiao Die left.
Meng Xinghun was still sitting there, unmoving.
His heart felt pain, sweetness, disappointment, and also warmth.
He had already sensed that her heart held many secrets that she couldn’t tell him. Of course he also had some secrets that he couldn’t tell anyone.
Perhaps because they shared too many similarities, they suffered as a result.
Because if a person was emotionally moved, he would feel pain. Because of those words - “But in the future, maybe I’ll come find you.”
Would she really come?
Meng Xinghun sighed deeply, stood up, and fell back on the bed.
He had many matters to tend to, but at present he didn’t want to do anything.
The pillow still retained the fragrance of her hair, and he buried his face in the pillow.
He had already made up his mind.
If she didn’t come, he would forget her.
Although he had already made up his mind, he wasn’t sure if he could achieve it.
“What about her? Surely it would be very easy for her to forget me.”
The pillow was icy.
Suddenly, the door opened.
He heard the sound of the door opening, raised his head, and saw her.
She stood there, her face glowing, without a trace of the previous night’s drunkenness. She looked fresh and beautiful, just like a flower that had just bloomed.
Meng Xinghun was so happy that he couldn’t help but want to jump up.
He had never been so happy in his life before.
Xiao Die had her hand on something she carried on her back, and her smile was more brilliant than flowers. Gazing at him, she smiled and asked, “Guess what I brought?”
Meng Xinghun deliberately shook his head. Xiao Die said, “I suddenly thought that since I ate a meal of yours, at least I should invite you once too, right?”
She raised her hand; her hand grasped a full bag of food.
She smiled and asked, “Are you hungry?”
Meng Xinghun finally couldn’t help but jump up. He smiled and said, “I’m so hungry that I could swallow a horse!”
They ran through the forest.
In the depths of the forest, the green meadow was soft and the autumn wind blew here, full of the fragrance of plants.
They ran and laughed, just like two children.
Afterwards they lay down in a meadow under dense shade. Quietly they breathed in this fragrance.
After an unknown length of time, Xiao Die sighed softly and said, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve last lain on the grass like this. How about you?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I often lie down on the ground. But today I feel that it’s a little different.”
Xiao Die asked, “How is it different?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “Today’s grass seems especially soft.”
Xiao Die smiled, smiled so gently, and said, “So actually you’re really good at talking, and talk very pleasantly.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “The truth is sometimes very pleasant to hear too, sometimes even more pleasant than lies.”
Xiao Die bit her lip, and after a long time asked, “Have you thought before?”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Thought about what?”
Xiao Die answered, “Thought about whether or not I would come find you?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I have thought about it.”
Xiao Die asked, “You thought I wouldn’t come again, right?”
Meng Xinghun said, “Indeed I never thought that you would come so quickly.”
Xiao Die asked, “Do you know why I came back so quickly?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I don’t know. I only know that after you left, I suddenly felt very lonely.”
Xiao Die said no more, perhaps because Meng Xinghun spoke out her thoughts for her. Loneliness, dreadful loneliness.
What a pity that this kind of happiness was rare.
Sometimes even though people surround you, you still feel intolerably lonely.
Meng Xinghun said slowly, “Perhaps we’re not friends, yet for some reason, only when I’m with you do I feel no longer lonely.”
Only people who regularly endure loneliness know how blessed it is to suddenly no longer feel lonely.
Xiao Die’s eyes gradually became moist, and she nearly couldn’t help but say, “Me too.”
She didn’t say it.
After all, she was a woman, and women didn’t often want to say what was in their hearts.
She suddenly jumped up, smiled, and said, “Anyway, since I already came, you should properly keep me company and play with me for a day.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I’ll keep you company - no matter what you want to do, I’m willing to keep you company.”
Xiao Die blinked and asked, “Let’s go dig for treasure, all right?”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Dig for treasure?”
Xiao Die said, “I know that there is currently a place in this forest where a treasure trove is buried.”
Meng Xinghun smiled and said, “This forest not only has treasure troves but also immortals, several hundred immortals, large and small. Some of them like to change people into mules, so you should take care.”
Xiao Die asked, “You don’t believe what I said?”
Meng Xinghun smiled and asked, “Do you believe what I said?”
Xiao Die stamped her feet and said, “You don’t believe me, fine. I’ll take you to find it, and once I find it, let’s see if you believe me or not.”
Meng Xinghun only smiled.
Xiao Die suddenly breathed in deeply and said, “I smell it.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “What do you smell?”
Xiao Die replied, “The smell of the treasure trove.”
Meng Xinghun said, “Oh? Where is it?”
Xiao Die answered, “The treasure trove is right here, right under where you’re sleeping.”
Meng Xinghun couldn’t help but stand up and ask, “There’s a treasure trove under here?”
Xiao Die asked, “You still don’t believe me?”
Meng Xinghun smiled darkly.
Xiao Die asked, “What if I can dig it up?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “If you can dig it up, then you can go find an immortal to change me into a mule.”
Xiao Die said, “Fine, a real man had better keep his word.”
She immediately found a rather strong tree branch and started to dig. Meng Xinghun also helped dig. After only digging for a while, his branch hit something hard, something like a chest.
Xiao Die glanced at him from the corner of her eye, smiled, and said, “Looks like someone’s going to turn into a mule.”
Meng Xinghun stared blankly for a long time, and suddenly laughed heartily.
The buried treasure had already been dug out from the ground. It was a jug of wine. Meng Xinghun laughed heartily and said, “I’ve been fooled; this wine jug was definitely buried by you just now.”
Xiao Die replied, “That doesn’t matter; I’m only asking you, can this be considered a treasure trove?”
Meng Xinghun said, “Of course, I can’t even think of a better treasure trove in the world.”
Xiao Die said leisurely, “We already have the treasure trove, but what about the mule?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “The mule is right in front of you; don’t tell me that you can’t see it?”
Xiao Die, laughing so much that she bent at the waist, said, “This mule seems as if it only has two legs.”
Meng Xinghun said sternly, “A two-legged mule is better than a four-legged mule.”
Xiao Die asked, “Why better?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “A two-legged mule can drink wine.”
Xiao Die’s eyes brightened again; that is to say, the wine jug was almost empty again.
In the wind, there was no longer the fragrance of plants, only the fragrance of wine.
If a person’s stomach is filled with half a jug of wine, then apart from the fragrance of wine, what else can be smelled?
Xiao Die lay in the meadow, and hadn’t spoken for a long time already; her nose was also not as sensitive as usual. But her mind was thinking of even more, even more complicated.
There were many things that she usually didn’t want or dare to think of, but now she was entirely able to think of them.
Who said that wine could eliminate worries?
Meng Xinghun also didn’t say anything, and he didn’t think of anything. He was merely quietly enjoying this silent delight. Although witty talk can make people delighted, if someone cannot enjoy silence, then he cannot be considered someone who can truly talk well.
Because “talk that can truly make people delighted can only be spoken by those people who understand silence.”
He thought that Xiao Die was enjoying the delight of silence.
Between people, you and others must truly be able to understand each other, and furthermore you must think you can understand women, or else you will inevitably regret it.
The stars were scarce again, and the night deepened again.
Xiao Die suddenly turned over and sat, mumbling, “I’m going to go back.”
To be continued...
Last edited by Xaari; 12-27-10 at 11:52 AM.
Thanks for continuing the translation. Things have gotten way too busy for me to properly continue. Though if one day I happen to get a break, hopefully we can work on the chapters together.
One thing I just want to add though - this book is my favourite novel by Gu Long and has very deep personal meaning to me. Part of the reason I always took my time with the translations is because I want to find the best possible way to convey Gu Long's words without losing his intentions and symbols. I hope you can continue that as well with the translation - in essence, quality over speed .
Because I'm somewhere in between,
My love and my agony.
Thanks for reading, SkyWalker!
Jaded, thanks for the suggestion! I will take care with this wonderful novel, and rest assured, I am by no means a careless translator (in fact, I lean more towards the perfectionist end of the spectrum). I am actually extremely fast at translating by nature, but it takes me a really long time to sit myself down and actually work on it, so after a couple of weeks I will start to slow down. Because I have lots of free time during my short winter break, I'm seizing the opportunity to translate a big chunk.
Here's the rest of Chapter 8! I'm not a big fan of Xiao Die in this section (nor am I a fan of her at all), and Meng Xinghun made some mistakes too but I like him more. I also can't believe how dense I am. I had already read and was translating the part where Xiao Die quietly stood up and quietly put on her clothes. Then my mind was dumbfounded and I was thinking "Whaaat? Since when did she not have clothes on?" Then I read back...and realized...hahaha either Gu Long is really subtle or I am too stupid and almost missed it even after a second read. xD
10,300+ words in 4 days! *faints* I'm going to take a few days off before beginning Chapter 9. My own writings are being neglected, haha. I'll be back soon!
Chapter 8 Continued
She said these words much too fast, as if she didn’t care if anyone heard.
Perhaps it was because these words weren’t what she originally wanted to say.
Meng Xinghun only heard the word “I” and couldn’t help but ask, “What do you want to do?”
Xiao Die suddenly opened her eyes wide and said, “You deliberately pretended that you didn’t hear me, right?” She shouted out, “I said I’m going to go back.” Her voice was so loud that she scared herself again. She breathed in and continued, “Did you hear me this time?”
Meng Xinghun stared blankly for a long time and said, “I heard you.”
Xiao Die asked, “Do you have anything to say?”
Meng Xinghun said, “I...I have nothing to say.”
Xiao Die asked, “You’re not asking me why I suddenly want to leave?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Of course you have a very good reason, right?”
Xiao Die said, “Of course, but...but why aren’t you thinking of a way to make me stay?”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Is it possible for me to make you stay?”
Xiao Die replied, “Of course not, what right do you have to make me stay?”
Meng Xinghun said, “I didn’t actually want to make you stay.”
Xiao Die stared blankly for a long time before nodding her head and saying, “Right, you don’t actually mean to make me stay, so why have I not left yet? Why am I so uninteresting?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I don’t actually mean to make you stay, and even more I don’t mean for you to leave.”
Xiao Die asked, “Then what is it you mean?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “I don’t mean anything.”
Xiao Die said, “Don’t tell me you’re a rock? Don’t tell me you’re not human? How can you not mean anything?”
Meng Xinghun said nothing.
He discovered that Xiao Die had suddenly changed again, becoming very fierce and moreover unreasonable.
Xiao Die asked, “You have nothing to say, right?”
Meng Xinghun smiled bitterly. Indeed he had nothing more to say.
Xiao Die said, “Fine, since you’re unwilling to even talk to me, then why haven’t I left?” She jumped up, ran outside, and loudly shouted, “In the future I never want to see you. If you dare to come looking for me, I’ll beat you to death.”
Meng Xinghun was stumped, and didn’t know if he felt sorrowful, angry, or pained.
He only felt that his heart was depressed and aching, so he nearly couldn’t help but want to yell loudly, “In the future I also never want to see you, and don’t come looking for me.”
Perhaps love was just like this.
If you want to enjoy love’s sweetness, then you must also endure its agony and pain.
Xiao Die had already walked so far that even her shadow couldn’t be seen.
The forest was an expanse of darkness, a darkness that makes people forlorn.
Meng Xinghun stood up and then sat down again, wanting to find wine to drink but too lazy to move.
He only wanted to sit here by himself in the darkness.
But sitting was painful, standing was painful, being sober was painful, and being drunk was also painful.
When a person is truly suffering, no matter what he does it’s just as painful.
Sometimes he was weary, sometimes he was melancholy, sometimes he felt empty, but he had never been in pain like this before.
Was this because he had never been happy before? In the darkness, the desolate sound of weeping suddenly resonated. Meng Xinghun wanted to pretend that he hadn’t heard it, but he had already heard it.
He stood up and walked over.
Xiao Die was leaning behind a tree, crying like a child.
Why was she crying? What made her so broken-hearted?
Meng Xinghun slowly walked over to her side.
Her hair hung loose, soft and smooth.
His heart was no longer stuffed with anger, but was filled with sympathy and pity. He wished that he could say something comforting to her, but he didn’t know where to start.
He couldn’t help but extend his hand to stroke her hair.
Xiao Die suddenly grabbed his hand, forcefully grabbed his hand. Her tears flowed down her cheeks, in the darkness seemingly just like the dew of pear blossoms.
As her tears flowed, she shouted, “I don’t want to go back, don’t drive me away, I really don’t want to go back...”
Meng Xinghun kneeled down, tightly embracing her. His tears also flowed down: “No one wants to drive you away, and no one can drive you back.”
Indeed no one wanted to drive her back.
She was driving herself back.
In her heart there was a whip.
Xiao Die didn’t go back.
When she awoke, she discovered that she was lying again on that small bed, both cold and stiff.
Meng Xinghun sat on the ground, the pillow beside her feet.
It seemed as if he slept very deeply, just like a child sleeping by his mother’s feet.
In the eyes of your lover, no matter what you do you’re like a child, smiling like a child and crying like a child.
A person always feels that the person he loves has a childish air.
Xiao Die sat up quietly and extended her hand to softly stroke his hair.
When she looked at him, her heart filled with gentle feelings and honey desires. When she caressed him, she was just like a loving mother caressing her most cherished child.
In this instant, she had already completely forgotten all her worries and pain, forgotten everything.
Meng Xinghun’s breathing suddenly became very light.
Xiao Die immediately withdrew her hand, her pale face blushing red. Her voice carrying some trembling, she asked, “You’re...you’re awake?”
Meng Xinghun didn’t move or make a sound. Only after a long time did he lift his head and stare at her.
Xiao Die hung her head and asked, “Last night, I got severely drunk again, right?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Mm.”
Her face red, Xiao Die said, “After I got drunk, I definitely became very fierce, very unreasonable, and certainly said many things that made you angry.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I’m not angry, because I know.”
Xiao Die asked, “Know what?”
Meng Xinghun said softly, “Everyone’s hearts have some messy vexations and sufferings, and they are bound to find an opportunity to vent.”
Xiao Die was silent for a long time and then asked serenely, “You also have sufferings?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “Originally I didn’t have any.”
Xiao Die asked, “Could it be that you suffered only after knowing me?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Mm.”
Xiao Die bit her lip forcefully and asked, “Surely you regret knowing me?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “I don’t regret it; I’m very happy.”
Xiao Die asked, “Happy? I cause you to suffer, yet you’re happy?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Because without suffering there is also no true happiness. Only when I’m with you am I truly happy.”
If heard by other people these words are surely overly romantic, but when heard by lovers, they are as gentle as the spring wind, as graceful as song.
Lovers’ words aren’t meant for other people to hear in the first place.
Xiao Die was silent for a long time again, and finally couldn’t help but say what was in her heart, “Same for me.”
After saying these words she immediately jumped off the bed, avoided his gaze, and said, “Now I really need to go back.”
Xiao Die said, “You...you still don’t need to see me off.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I won’t see you off.”
Xiao Die said, “So I’ll...be leaving.”
Meng Xinghun said, “I also won’t let you leave.”
Xiao Die turned around, opened her eyes wide, and asked, “You won’t let me leave?”
Meng Xinghun repeated again, his language even more resolute, “I won’t let you leave.” He didn’t let her speak and quickly continued, “Because I know you don’t want to go back in the first place.”
The amazement in Xiao Die’s eyes changed to sorrow. Her glistening tears rushed forth again and she said, “Correct, sometimes I really want to escape, escape far away, but I must go back.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Why?”
Xiao Die suddenly became irritable and said, “Why? Don’t tell me that I could sleep here for a lifetime?”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Why not?”
Xiao Die shouted again, “Can’t, can’t...can’t is precisely can’t...”
She turned around, but Meng Xinghun had already grabbed her hand.
Her other hand suddenly struck out and slapped him on the face severely.
Meng Xinghun seemed as if he were dumbfounded after being hit.
Xiao Die was also dumbfounded, and after a long time, she exhaled and said coldly, “Release me - release me, all right?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “No.”
He suddenly forcefully pulled her over, forcefully hugged her to his chest. Her body was cold and stiff, just like a block of wood, a block of iron, a block of ice.
He felt that his heart was already thoroughly cold, and finally released her. Then he felt his stomach violently contracting, his entire body already trembling from pain.
Xiao Die stood there unmoving, coldly looking at him.
He was still trembling, trembling to the extent that he couldn’t stand. While trembling he retreated, retreated to the corner and suddenly turned around. When he turned around, his tears were already falling. “Fine, you leave, leave...”
He exhausted his strength from saying just those few words. After he spoke, he already collapsed.
Xiao Die didn’t leave.
She suddenly walked over and embraced him, tightly embraced him.
The ice had already melted, the iron had already combusted. Her body was soft and burning hot, becoming just like a ball of fire. Her tears already flowed across her cheeks again.
She used her entire body to cling to him.
Meng Xinghun’s trembling had already gradually subsided. He bit his lip and said, “You don’t need to do this.”
Xiao Die replied, “I don’t need to, but I want to. As long as you don’t regret it, I’m willing to give you everything.” She hugged him even more tightly, her tears flowing, and continued, “At present I am entirely yours.”
Every word she said came from her heart. She had already decided that regardless of everything, she would give herself to this stranger. This was her first time willingly and gladly giving herself to another person.
Because she knew that she had already wholeheartedly fallen in love with him.
Although she still didn’t understand him, she had already fallen in love with him.
This kind of feeling came really too quickly, too fiercely that she nearly didn’t believe it herself.
But this feeling was so real that she couldn’t not believe it.
“Love is the most wonderful of emotions, since no one understands it and furthermore no one can control it. It’s not like friendship; friendship is accumulated and deep, but love develops suddenly.”
It either doesn’t come or it comes fiercely, causing people to be entirely unable to resist it.
Thus she gave it to him.
And he also gave it to her.
They weren’t the slightest bit forced, as if this was precisely the most natural outcome. They sat down and they lived precisely for the purpose of waiting for this matter to take place.
They had neither merriment nor passion; they only gave themselves with unlimited gentleness and possessed the other.
She lay on the crook of his arm.
His breathing was as soft as the spring wind.
The wind blew in through the window crack, but the essence of autumn had already been deterred outside the window.
The earth was peaceful and silent.
After an unknown length of time, Xiao Die’s eyelids became gradually moist again. She lightly turned over, her back to him, and said softly, “Now you should know that I’ve had another man before.”
Meng Xinghun’s complexion was tender and tranquil, and he said gently, “I already knew long ago.”
Xiao Die asked, “You don’t regret it?” She continued and asked, “Don’t tell me that you don’t care at all?”
Meng Xinghun’s voice became even gentler and he said, “Why would I care about past matters?”
Xiao Die suddenly turned around again and tightly grabbed onto him, her tears dampening his face.
Her tears flowing, she said, “Regardless of whether or not you believe it, I have to tell you, in the past I had another but in my entire life this is the first time - the first time...”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I believe it.”
Xiao Die’s head was hidden under his torso and she said, “When you hear it perhaps you may think this is ridiculous, but I feel like I’m still...still a virgin, like this is still the first time that I’m with a man.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I understand.”
Indeed he understood.
There are some forces that indeed no one can resist, so to him, whether or not a person’s body was tainted was unimportant.
What was important was her heart.
As long as she was sincere to him, as long as her heart was still pure and noble, then it was fine if she was a virgin, it was fine if she was a prostitute; none of it could affect his love and respect for her.
Xiao Die tightly embraced him, her tears gushing. But these were tears of happiness, tears of appreciation. No one could describe her happiness and appreciation at present.
Meng Xinghun suddenly asked, “Who is that person?”
Xiao Die’s heart sank again and said, “Since you don’t care, why do you ask?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Because I know that he is definitely still entangling you.”
Xiao Die asked, “Do you want to kill him?”
Meng Xinghun kept his mouth tightly closed.
These words had no need for a reply in the first place. Anyone could notice the fury in his eyes.
He was after all a person, a man.
This kind of matter wasn’t something anyone could endure in the first place.
Xiao Die forcefully bit her lip and muttered, “I also want to kill him; I wanted to kill him long ago.”
Meng Xinghun said, “Then you should tell me.”
Xiao Die replied, “I can’t tell you.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Why?”
Xiao Die answered, “Because I don’t want you to kill people for me, and furthermore I don’t want you to take risks for me.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Take risks?”
Xiao Die said, “He’s a very formidable person. You, you...”
Meng Xinghun asked, “You think that I’m not a match for him?”
Xiao Die forcefully held his hand and said, “I didn’t mean that, absolutely didn’t, but it’s just that...”
Meng Xinghun asked, “It’s just that what?”
Xiao Die closed her mouth and shook her head.
Meng Xinghun asked, “Why aren’t you speaking?”
Xiao Die closed her eyes, teardrops rushing forth again, and after a long time she slowly said, “I mean that you ought to understand. Why do I have to say it out?”
Meng Xinghun was silent for a very long time, then sighed deeply and said, “I understand.”
Indeed he understood, but he was incapable of not being jealous.
So long as there was love, there was jealousy.
Perhaps someone had once said, “Love is devotion, not possession. Since it’s devotion, then there shouldn’t be jealousy.”
If the person who said these words was not a sage, then he was a hypocrite.
Sages love universally.
Hypocrites are absolutely incapable of having truly loved a person before.
Meng Xinghun was neither a sage nor a hypocrite.
He understood, but he was only jealous, angry, and pained.
Xiao Die saw the expression in his eyes, slowly loosened her hand, and said sadly, “I only want to let you know that at present, my heart has only you, and I care for only you; that person is absolutely unworthy of you...”
Meng Xinghun suddenly stood up and said loudly, “You need not say anything, I know, I know everything.”
He walked barefooted over to the table, poured a cup of wine, and drank it in one gulp.
He just stood barefooted on the cold and damp stone ground, unwilling to turn around for a very long time.
Xiao Die stared at him, seemingly able to already feel her own heart shattering.
“Could it be that I did something wrong again?”
“If I hadn’t done anything wrong, then perhaps he wouldn’t be suffering like this.”
“I make others suffer, I make myself suffer; since I know perfectly well that this is an impossibility, why do I still do this?”
She quietly stood up and quietly put on her clothes.
Meng Xinghun suddenly asked, “What are you doing?”
Xiao Die lowered her head, looking at her slender toes, and said, “I...I’ve already been out for two or three days.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “You want to go back?”
Xiao Die replied, “Mm.”
Meng Xinghun suddenly turned around to glare at her and said, “You always want to go back, and you always don’t want me to see you off; is it because that person is waiting for you?”
Xiao Die saw that her toes were curling and pulling back. Her heart was also pulling back.
Meng Xinghun said, “You say your heart has only me, so why don’t you keep me company here? If your heart really has only me, then you ought to forget that person, forget everything.” He smiled coldly and continued, “Unless you’re simply just deceiving me.”
Xiao Die unexpectedly raised her head, glared at him, and said loudly, “Correct, I’m simply just deceiving you; I’m still thinking of him...”
Meng Xinghun rushed over and forcefully snatched her hand, seemingly as if he wanted to break her slender wrist.
Xiao Die was pained to the extent that tears flowed down, but she endured it. Biting down on her teeth, she said, “Since I’ve already made it clear to you, why are you still shamelessly pulling on me?”
Meng Xinghun’s body started to tremble; suddenly he raised his hand and slapped her on the face.
The slap was clear and sharp, making a “pa” sound.
Then the cottage suddenly became silent, as silent as a tomb.
Meng Xinghun seemed like he had already been buried in the tomb. He released his hand, and step by step retreated.
Xiao Die glared at him, and she said in a trembling voice, “You hit me...so actually you also hit women!”
She suddenly turned around and rushed outside.
She was determined that this time, she would absolutely not turn back.
But she had just rushed outside when she heard the sound of Meng Xinghun’s sorrowful weeping.
Meng Xinghun cried like a child.
He originally believed that he could only shed blood, not tears. But when tears flow down, not even a hero as big as the sky can stop them.
Since he was crying, why wasn’t he crying heartily? Crying loudly and laughing heartily, wouldn’t it be precisely the inherent quality of a hero with emotions?
Xiao Die’s footsteps stopped, seemingly as if an invisible, soft thread that could not be cut was pulling on her.
“When I cried, only he comforted me.”
She slowly turned around, walked over, walked to his side, and lightly stroked his hair.
Meng Xinghun clenched his teeth to prevent his tears and asked, “Since I hit you, why haven’t you left?”
Xiao Die hung her head and said, “Although you shouldn’t have hit me, I...I also shouldn’t have deliberately angered you.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “You were deliberately angering me?”
Xiao Die sighed and said softly, “Don’t tell me that you really believed I was deceiving you? Why would I want to deceive you?”
Meng Xinghun jumped up and tightly hugged her again. He turned tears into laughter and said, “Correct, why would you want to deceive me? How am I worthy of being deceived? I’m simply not a thing.”
Xiao Die smiled beautifully and said, “Indeed you’re not a thing...you’re a person.”
This is precisely love.
There is pain, there is also sweetness. It is an unexplainable, unfathomable sticking force.
Some people are originally vastly apart, and moreover have no relationship whatsoever. But so long as they meet, they will suddenly stick together, unable to be separated, unable to be flung away.
Meng Xinghun and Xiao Die were exactly like this.
Having obtained and fulfilled their hearts' desire, even death would be sweet.
End of chapter 8.
Last edited by Xaari; 12-28-10 at 01:05 PM.
Thanks again Xaari.
Xiao Die is such a damsel in distress. Not a fan at all. She & Meng Xinghun are so melodramatic!!
The joy and agony of love...........
Thanks for reading, SkyWalker and Laoren!
Here's the beginning of Chapter 9. Other characters will finally appear again starting from the next update!
Early in the morning.
Meng Xinghun stood beside the lane, looking past the haze, and dimly saw a very small house. It had red walls, a dark gray roof, and was built exquisitely.
Outside the house there was a very small garden in which a few flowers were just blooming, but he couldn’t tell if they were camellias or chrysanthemums.
He heard no sounds and saw no people. Inside the window it seemed as if there was a lone light that had not yet died out.
Last night there had definitely been someone waiting in the house, waiting until very late.
Xiao Die looked foolishly at this window for a long time before softly sighing, “This is my current home.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Current home? You previously had another home?”
Xiao Die replied, “Mm.”
Meng Xinghun also sighed, “You really have a lot of homes.”
Xiao Die smiled and answered, “Actually I only have one; this current place absolutely can’t be considered a home.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Why did you not want your previous home?”
Xiao Die smiled desolately and replied, “It’s not that I didn’t want it; it didn’t want me.” She seemed unwilling to mention past matters, immediately changed the topic, and said, “Precisely because this place cannot be considered a home, I was always unwilling for you to see me off.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Then why do you now want me to see you off?”
Xiao Die replied, “I don’t care about anything now anyway, and I also want you to see...”
Meng Xinghun asked, “To see what?”
Xiao Die’s gaze suddenly became very gentle and she said slowly, “To see a person, whom I hope you will like as much as I do.”
Meng Xinghun’s complexion changed, and biting his lip he said, “I think...I still shouldn’t go see.”
Xiao Die glanced at him, smiled, and said, “You thought that I wanted you to see that person?”
Meng Xinghun asked, “You didn’t?”
Xiao Die answered, “Of course not; not only do you not want to see him, but in the future I also never want to see him again.”
Meng Xinghun said, “Now he...”
Xiao Die replied, “Now he’s definitely not here.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “Then who are you taking me to see?”
Xiao Die didn’t answer, grabbed his hand, and walked side by side with him on the flower garden lane.
It was very quiet, so quiet that the sound of petals blooming could nearly be heard.
They slowly walked up the road scattered with rock fragments. Unexpectedly, people inside the house immediately heard the sound of their footsteps.
A child’s voice called out, “Has aunt returned?...Baobao wants to go out and see...Baobao wants to go out and see.”
The door opened, and a little sleepy-eyed girl pulling along a three- or four-year-old child walked out.
This child’s round face was also full of sleepiness, and he rubbed his eyes with white and fat little hands. When he saw Xiao Die he immediately smiled, jumped, and struggled free of the little girl. His hands outstretched, he rushed over and shouted, “Auntie has returned, Baobao missed her to death, auntie come hug Baobao.”
Xiao Die also shook off Meng Xinghun’s hand and went up, saying, “Baobao be well-behaved, come quickly and kiss auntie’s face.”
She tightly hugged the child as if she were reluctant to ever release him.
The little girl’s eyes no longer held sleepiness; she was just staring at Meng Xinghun, shocked.
Meng Xinghun turned around, his heart chaotic, and he didn’t know if it felt sweet, bitter, or sour.
After an unknown length of time, he suddenly discovered Xiao Die standing in front of him, holding the child. Looking at him with a gaze full of tenderness, she said, “Baobao, call him uncle?”
The child smiled like an angel and immediately called out, “Uncle...is this uncle well-behaved?”
Xiao Die said, “Of course he’s also well-behaved, just as well-behaved as Baobao.”
The child said, “Uncle be well-behaved, Baobao will kiss your face.”
His little hands outstretched, he pounced over and hugged Meng Xinghun.
Meng Xinghun suddenly felt hot blood rushing forth to his head, and hot tears already couldn’t help but come out of his eye sockets.
He held out his hands to receive the child and embraced him.
This was the first time in his life that he held a child. He suddenly wished to hold his own son, and his heart started to ache again.
Xiao Die saw them and her gaze became even gentler. After an unknown length of time, a thousand sparkling teardrops slowly flowed out of the corners of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.
She quietly wiped dry her teardrops and said softly, “It’s so cold outside; Baobao, go over with older sister first, all right?”
The child’s smile immediately disappeared, and nearly about to cry, he asked, “Auntie is going out again?”
Xiao Die replied, “Auntie is not going out. Auntie is going to talk with uncle for a while, and then will keep Baobao company.”
The child asked, “Auntie is not deceiving Baobao?”
Xiao Die answered, “Baobao is well-behaved; how could auntie be willing to deceive Baobao?”
The child immediately smiled again and slipped away from Meng Xinghun. He smiled and said, “Baobao is well-behaved, Baobao will go inside first, auntie will like it...”
He excitedly rushed inside, stuck his head out the door, and waved at Meng Xinghun.
Meng Xinghun also waved his hand and smiled, but his face was still numb and stiff.
After the child walked inside, Xiao Die turned around and gazed at him.
Meng Xinghun forced a smile and said, “Indeed this child is very well-behaved, very cute.”
Xiao Die slowly nodded her head and said distressingly, “Very well-behaved, very cute, but also very pitiful.”
Meng Xinghun sighed deeply, “Indeed very pitiful.”
Xiao Die hung her head and asked, “Now you know why I had to go back, right?”
Meng Xinghun nodded his head.
Xiao Die sighed, “He already doesn’t have a father; I can’t let him not have a mother.”
Meng Xinghun said, “I understand.”
Of course he understood. Perhaps no one in the world understood better than him how much an orphan without parents was pitiful and suffered.
He himself didn’t know how many times he had woken from a nightmare in the middle of the night, woken with tear stains across his entire face.
Xiao Die said sadly, “No matter what mistakes the parents made, the child is innocent. I truly cannot bear to let him suffer his entire life.”
Meng Xinghun gripped his hands tightly, stared blankly for a long time, and suddenly said, “I ought to leave now. You...you don’t need to see me off.”
Xiao Die said serenely, “You’ll just leave like this?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “You can’t bear it; I...I also can’t bear it...although it’s painful for me to stay here, leaving is definitely more painful.”
He turned around, yet Xiao Die pulled him back, stared at him, and said, “You can’t leave; I have more to say.”
Meng Xinghun replied, “You speak, I’ll listen.”
Xiao Die’s gaze shifted to the distance and she said, “Of course you know whose child this is, right?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Mm.”
Xiao Die said, “When I discovered that I was with child, I really hated not only that inhuman person, but I also hated myself, and hated this child. I was even determined that once I gave birth, I would drown the child.”
Meng Xinghun was listening.
Xiao Die said, “But after I gave birth, when I saw him for the first time, saw his red and ugly little face, the hate in my heart turned into love.” Her voice as if in a dream, she slowly continued, “I saw him growing day by day, becoming cuter each day. When I carried him and fed him milk, I also felt that he sucked stronger each day. I suddenly realized that only at that time could I temporarily forget all my worries and sufferings.”
Meng Xinghun coughed in a low voice; if he didn’t cough, hot tears would come out of his eye sockets again.
Xiao Die said, “Only that time when I prepared to jump did I realize this...in this lifetime I absolutely can’t leave him; although he needs me, I need him more. For him, I can endure any sufferings and hardships, and I decided to endure it for my entire life.” She sighed deeply and sadly, and continued, “Since I couldn’t leave my child, I didn’t have the courage to leave that person. That person himself of course knew it, so he never thought that I would resist and change.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “You...you changed?”
Xiao Die replied, “Indeed I changed. If I didn’t have you, perhaps I would never dare to. But you gave me courage, so I dared to make up my mind - to make up my mind to leave him.”
Meng Xinghun’s eyes suddenly became bright and he asked, “You...you really made up your mind?”
Xiao Die faced him and said, “I’m only asking you, do you want me? Do you want my child?”
Meng Xinghun couldn’t help but embrace her, and said gently, “You already said that the child is innocent...your child is my child.”
Xiao Die asked, “Really?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Of course really.”
Xiao Die said, “In the future perhaps we will come across many difficulties, many conveniences. You won’t regret it?”
Meng Xinghun answered, “I absolutely won’t regret it. Even if I die, I won’t regret it.”
Xiao Die asked, “Even if you die, you won’t regret it?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “As long as I’ve lived before, so what if I die? Only when I’m with you can I be considered living.”
With a “yingning” sound, Xiao Die threw herself on his chest.
The two people embraced each other tightly, as if they were embracing the entire world.
The wind blew lightly, the fog dispersed lightly, the flowers spread their fragrance lightly.
Xiao Die suddenly asked, “Do you like butterflies?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Mm, butterflies?”
Xiao Die said, “Mm, butterflies. I like butterflies because I think the fates of some people are like that of butterflies, especially me.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “You?”
Xiao Die replied, “One day I discovered that my servant girl had pressed a butterfly she had caught into a book. In my heart I was very angry, and I didn’t think that my servant girl would actually mention one principle that moved me.”
Meng Xinghun asked, “What did she say?”
Xiao Die answered, “She said that although this butterfly died because of her, its beauty was consequently preserved, so its life already had value. Even if she hadn’t caught this butterfly, the butterfly would have died sooner or later, and it might have died even more miserably...” She smiled distressingly and continued, “So if I suddenly die, you don’t need to grieve because finally my life also has value, and I am certain that you will always remember me.”
Meng Xinghun embraced her even more tightly and said, “How can you say such words? How can you die?”
Xiao Die said no more and quietly snuggled up to his chest. After a long time she said softly, “You go back first and wait for me, all right?”
Meng Xinghun asked, “What about you?”
Xiao Die replied, “I still have some things to put in order here. Afterwards I’ll immediately take my child and go find you.”
Meng Xinghun muttered to himself irresolutely, then suddenly raised his head and said, “It’s best that I still wait here for you.”
Xiao Die asked, “Why?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “I don’t feel at ease.”
Xiao Die said sweetly, “Silly child, what’s there to not feel at ease about? Don’t tell me that you believe I’ll deceive you?”
Meng Xinghun replied, “Of course you won’t deceive me, but if by any chance there’s a mishap...”
Xiao Die said, “There absolutely won’t be any mishaps. For the time being that person definitely won’t come, so I want to put everything here in order properly, and in the future he will never be able to find me.”
She lightly stroked Meng Xinghun’s thin face and said softly, “Therefore you can be extremely at ease, as I will go find you very soon. No matter what I will definitely go find you; I’ve already decided to live happily with you. Even if I live for only one day, I am still willing!”
If you have loved before, you would be able to understand her words. In that case you would also agree that so long as you can live for one day sincerely loving each other, it is also happiness.
That is already much better than living a lifetime with the person you hate.
Meng Xinghun slowly walked back along this small lane.
The road was narrow and mountainous, but he had to walk.
“Everyone must finish walking on his own road.”
He had originally been accustomed to loneliness, but now he felt that loneliness was so unbearable.
To be continued...
Keep going strong, Xaari. It is good to see new people in the translator pool-- I think we wear them out sometimes.
Happy New Year.
Thanks and Happy New Year...............