Ting Yuan Sheng Sheng
(A Trip Back to the Old Courtyard)

PART II: Chapter 7

Original novel written by Qiong Yao

Fan translation by TKL (Send an email)

The summer was burning hot.

Pai Wen stopped in front of the store and walked inside. The pervasive scent of tea was strong and Pai Wen took in a deep satisfying breath. The air-conditioner was on in the store. However, it was hot where the tea was dried. Pai Wen's office was behind that, next to secretaries' rooms. The last section of the store was the dining room for workers in the store. As he sat down at his desk, the manager stepped in handing him a file. "Mr. Bo, the tea shop at district X has placed an order for our finest tea."

"How many?"

"One thousand boxes."

Pai Wen nodded. "That's good. When do they want it delivered?"

"They want the tea to be delivered in three months so they can sell it during New Year season. However, I'm afraid that we won't be able to get the necessary amount."

"Can you please ask Mr. Kao to see me?"

"Yes."

A moment later, a tall, dark young man walked into the room. "What do you need?"

"When will the tea be brought down here? There is an order for one thousand boxes. Do you think we could take care of that in two months?"

Mr.Kao thought for a second before saying, "Alright."

Pai Wen asked, "Are you sure? We need to keep our part of the contract."

Kao Li De smiled, "Have you ever seen me not carrying out my work properly? If I could not do it, I wouldn't promise you."

Kao Li De was another important person in this company beside Pai Wen.

"That's great. I'll see you this afternoon."

"Oh, your mother asked me to tell you to come home for dinner tonight."

"Ok, thank you."

Turning to the manager, Pai Wen nodded, "You can accept the order then."

"Yes."

As the manager walked out, he said, "Mr. Kao is very good. Other people won't be able to do that in five months."

Pai Wen suddenly remembered something. He called out, "Wait a second, Mr. Zhao."

"Yes?"

"Can you please check the tea-drying room for me? Ask someone to check the ventilation of the room and install more fans. The workers there won't be able to work in this summer heat."

"Yes. I was going to talk to you about that for them. I kept forgetting."

"Let me know of the cost for that."

"Yes." Mr. Zhao smiled, "It won't be so hard to find workers in the future if the working condition is improved."

Pai Wen read the order forms before checking accounts of the company. He also read Li De's suggestion of establishing a tea farm. At that moment, he heard noises outside so he stepped out. In the tea-drying room, people were gathering. Pai Wen asked a female worker walking past him, "What happened?"

"A worker fainted."

Pai Wen ran into the room. He could feel the unbearable heat in the tea-drying room. The workers were allowed to change shift every two hours but they didn't even want to work. Pai Wen said, "Please spread out. Turn off those furnaces!"

Pai Wen checked the woman lying on the floor and realized that she was not in serious condition. He carried her into a cooler room. Realizing that his office would be quieter and cooler, he said to the manager, "Turn on the air-conditioner in my office for me, please."

He placed her on the sofa and soaked a towel in cold water to put on her forehead. The woman was pale and thin but had refined beauty.

Pai Wen asked the manager, "What is her name?"

Mr. Zhao shook his head, "Zheng Han Yan. She has only been working for three days. I didn't want to accept her because she looked so thin and weak but she was very determined and told me that she was fine."

"Why didn't you give her less strenuous work?"

"She is new. If I gave her a less strenuous job, people would talk."

Pai Wen said, "Please call the nurse of our company here!"

"Yes."

The female worker slowly recovered. As she opened her eyes, she glanced around in bewilderment. Mr. Zhao let out a relieving sigh, "She wakes up."

Pai Wen said, "It's nothing to worry about. Mr. Zhao, you can go and continue with your work. As for you, you can rest here if you still don't feel well."

Mr. Zhao walked out. Pai Wen lighted a cigarette. He was surprised to see that the female worker did not look like a laborer. She was more like an educated person. Han Yan sighed and stammered, "Oh…Mr…"

Her voice was soft and polite. Pai Wen said, "You fainted. You should rest for a while."

Yet she sat up. Bending her head low, she traced the hem of her shirt, feeling embarrassed as she had lay in front of a strange man. She stammered for a while before saying, "I…I'm so useless. I can't even do a simple job."

Pai Wen looked at her, quiet. She probably was forced to find a job due to circumstances. Her pale and thin figure did not suit the type of strenuous work.

"I'll transfer you to another department in the store. You probably can't stand the heat in the tea-drying room."

"You are too concerned for me…"

She only knew him now, the young manager whom everyone in the company respected and liked. She said in low voice, "But…I can't accept it. I'm new here…People would talk."

"It's alright. I don't favor you over other people. I just want my workers to do the job that is appropriate for them."

He puffed on the cigarette and asked her, "Who introduced you to this company?"

"My neighbour, who also worked in the same section as me."

Pai Wen thought for a moment. "You are not fit for that kind of work. You can't go back there."

Han Yan was worried. "Mr. Bo…Please let me work…My circumstance is a bit difficult at the present."

"No. I meant you are not fit to work there. Whether you continue to work or not, it all depends on your ability. Tea-drying is the most strenuous work in this company."

Han Yan sighed, her eyes staring at a distance. "I have been in much worse job, physically strenuous, emotionally strenuous…"

Pai Wen was curious. "What kind of job?"

She felt awkward with Pai Wen's respectful manner. He talked to her as though he was talking to someone equal to him. She replied, "You need not notice such trivial matters. I meant that I felt more comfortable working here than my previous jobs."

Pai Wen was surprised and curious. He suspected that Han Yan was educated. He asked, "Can I ask about your education level?"

"I finished high school."

"High school?"

He could not believe that she finished high school and worked in the lowest job. He could not understand her. Was she a reporter, a writer or someone who wanted to satisfy their sense of curiousity?

"If you have finished high school, why did you apply for this job? You could find a much better job easily."

She nodded her head in agreement but her voice was sad, "Yes, I have applied for other jobs…and also worked there." She sighed and continued, "It helped me to realized that a high school certificate is useless if you don't have background, no fortune and always want to hold onto your pride and dignity. I once worked as a secretary. Yet that job did not require my education level, I only needed to know how to do as my boss bid. I then worked as salesperson, bookkeeping, etc…but they all preferred beauty over knowledge."

"So you decided to apply for the job here?"

"It might be a laboring work. It doesn't require education, but also doesn't require appearance. Yet the salary is lower."

Pai Wen was quiet. He could not believe that there was someone out there in society would voice such honest opinions. Han Yan said, "I'm working hard to pay off a debt."

"For your parents?"

"No. My parents passed away."

"I'm sorry…"

Han Yan sighed, leaning her chin on her hands and gazing sadly outside. "My parents passed away when I was still a kid. I cannot even remember their faces. A distant relative brought me home to care for me. They provided for me until I finished high school then she wanted me to marry her son, a person with mental retardation. I could not do as she bid. I also thought that we were related." Smiling bitterly, Han Yan continued, "So the relationship between that family and I was severed. I moved out and started to work hard to pay off the debt of more than 10 years bringing me up."

Pai Wen frowned, "How unreasonable! How much do you owe them?"

"$300, 000."

Pai Wen said, "Your salary is only $4,200. Are you planning on paying for the next 15 years?"

Han Yan was quiet. Pai Wen looked at her, feeling sorry for her situation. "Ms. Zheng, you don't have to pay that debt. They brought you home on their free will. You did not force them or beg them to take you home."

Han Yan shook her head. "I know that I have no responsibility legally but I am grateful to them. They might be selfish to me but if they did not bring me up, I would be nothing nowadays."

"Grateful? They brought you up with the intention of giving their son a wife."

Han Yan was determined. "Yet they still did something that I feel grateful for. I feel that I have a responsibility to pay my debt to them. It's an emotional debt."

Pai Wen was angry at the unreasonable situation on her behalf but he thought quietly, "Why am I the one who is angry for her situation?"

He did not think that there was such a person amongst his workers and felt interested in her story. He smiled, "Alright, I won't debate with you whether you owe the debt or not. You are an educated person and the company is in need of a secretary, assisting me in daily works. You think…"

Han Yan shook her head. "Sorry, but I won't."

Pai Wen was surprised. "Why?"

Han Yan stood up, shaking her head. "No, I won't."

She walked out of the door quickly. Pai Wen looked at her in surprise. She seemed to be insulted by his offer? Pai Wen felt a strange sensation rising inside him, the feeling that he only experienced for the first time.

****

Han Yan lay on the bed, hands under her head, gazing at the ceiling. It was hot like inside a furnace. There was no wind. She rolled over but the bed was hot. Smoothing her hair back, she exhaled as if to let out all the heat inside. Gazing out at the window to search for some pleasant scenery, Han Yan's eyes met a new gray building with annoyance. What should she do in the coming days?She did not go to work today. Tomorrow? Pai Wen said that she could not continue in the tea-drying room and offered her a job as his secretary. Yet she felt that she could not depend on others feeling sorry for her. She did not want to have any emotions in her life journey, especially if that emotion was from a man. She must find another job.

Yes, she must find another way to live.

The sentence was simple but was also full of complication and difficulties that she had encountered. Who is she? She was only an unemployed person living in a dirty alley. Han Yan sat up, trying to dry the sweat on her back. She suddenly remembered an old saying, "Beautiful woman with skin like ice, bone like jade, never sweat."

The person who said that sentence was probably not too far from the truth. However, in his era, there was no big building, no poor, crowded alleys. The beautiful women who lived in his era could not sweat. Yet if a beautiful woman in that saying sat in this room for one second, she would be soaked in sweat. Han Yan smiled bitterly, "You still have the mind to think of poems in this situation?"

Han Yan stood up and walked to the well at the back of the house. To be truthful, her room was built on the spare land for the well. The room could only fit a bed and a small table. The rent was $500 each month. She pulled up the bucket of water and brought it into her room. She soaked the towel then cleaned her arms and legs. She felt better. Picking up the mirror, she realized her hair was tangled, her face pale. Sighing, she threw down the mirror. She suddenly felt that poverty was threatening her, pushing her to a dead end, where she would accept anything to escape it. Han Yan grasped the pen and wrote quickly on the paper on the table,"More pride when poor, more dignity when low, preserve oneself when weak."

She threw the pen away, smiling as she read the sentence she just wrote. A long moment later, she stood up, brushing her hair as she decided to take a stroll outside. When she reached the door, she took a step back as there was a man standing there. She put a hand on her chest to calm her heart down.

"It's…quite 'easy' to find where you live."

Han Yan replied, catching her breaths. "Mr. Bo,…you startled me."

"I'm sorry. Can I come in?"

He did not wait for her reply and walked in. His face showed no signs of his opinion regard the lacking of furniture in the room.

"How did you find me?"

"I asked your friends."

Han Yan poured water into a glass for him. "Please have a drink. It's just cold water…"

Pai Wen quickly nodded. "Thank you."

Then his voice became serious, "Why didn't you go to work today?"

He glanced at her and she stammered, "I'd like to quit my job."

Pai Wen looked at her, quiet. Han Yan saw the reproach and upset in his eyes. Pai Wen tapped the table and glanced at the sentence she had just written.

He turned back to look at her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

Han Yan tried to keep her voice calm but she felt unsettled at the sight of him sitting in front of her. She sat down on the bed opposite to him as Pai Wen had sat on the only chair in the room.

"Why do you want to quit the job?"

Han Yan was quiet for a moment before she said, "As you pointed out, I was not fit for that job."

"Do you think that I offered you the secretary position because you are beautiful? Because I want to decorate my office so I hire you like a flower vase? Or do you suspect me of having some ulterior motive in hiring you?"

Han Yan bowed her head, "No. You misunderstood me. I would not dare to think like that. Yet…I just felt that I don't need other people's pity and help when…"

Pai Wen interrupted, "You misunderstood me. I offered you the secretary position because partly I wanted to help you, but I also need a secretary. It's not that there is no one else but no one like you. I'm serious. Please reconsider my proposition."

Han Yan said, "Mr. Bo…Are you forcing me to accept your offer."

Pai Wen replied seriously, "No. I only meant that you are behaving as though I had insulted you in some way."

Han Yan became quiet. She could not find any reason to reject Pai Wen's offer.

"I ask again. Would you accept the secretary position?"

"I…But I don't want to bother you."

"I would be bothered when another person doubts my honest intention."

"Yes…but…"

Looking at Han Yan, Pai Wen chuckled, "You kept saying 'but' with me…" but he quickly became serious as he did not want Han Yan to misinterpret his intention. Han Yan could not find any reason to reject Pai Wen's offer since the job had good conditions and Pai Wen sounded earnest. She felt small and weak in front of him. Pai Wen said. "Will you say 'yes'? Monthly salary is $9000. That does not include other benefit. If you know how to type…"

"I can type."

She became quiet again, not knowing how to answer him. Pai Wen's forehead shimmering with sweat under the heat in the room, he looked at her sitting on the bed, head bent low. She was beautiful, as beautiful as a painting, a lively sculpture. He felt his emotions stirred up inside.

"Ms. Zheng, what do you think?"

Han Yan looked up and saw that he was looking at her. Feeling embarrassed, she averted her eyes. "I cannot refuse if you have already said so. I cannot object to your help."

Pai Wen smiled, not hiding his joy. He felt the same feeling as when he was a kid and his parents gave him something special. In his life, he had not met a girl as perfect in his eyes as her. He hoped that she was a perfect person, not because his judgement was blinded by his emotion for her.

Pai Wen was partly blinded by his emotions for Han Yan but she was indeed perfect. Han Yan was capable of the work in the company. She arranged all the files and papers into order. She checked all the orders before handing to Pai Wen for him to sign. Pai Wen had one more helpful assistant. Before, there were some works that could take Pai Wen more than one week to finish. Now, with Han Yan's help with the paper work, it took no more than a day to finish.

Pai Wen felt his attraction for Han Yan growing stronger as time passed by. He discovered more good points about her personality. Han Yan suddenly became a noticeable person in the company. From a worker, she became the manager's secretary. They talked about her, but only about her fortune. They looked at her with respected eyes, not to condemn her. Yet some did say, "No one can blame the manager. He is young and can't resist her beauty."

Pai Wen worked harder but he was always in a happy mood. He knew that some people in the company talked behind his back about him and Han Yan but he did not take any notice. Han Yan felt awkward the first few days but she got used to it. She looked even more beautiful in the office clothes. She still got on with other people in the company and their opinions of her improved over time. Her previous supervisor said to her, "When you first came, I knew that you are educated. Our manager is never wrong in judging a person's ability."

There was one day when it was really busy in the office. Han Yan skipped lunch to stay and worked. When it was time to go home in the afternoon, Pai Wen said to her as she was putting the checks and papers into the locker.

"Ms. Zheng, will you go out for dinner with me today?"

Han Yan hesitated and Pai Wen smiled, "I've been meaning to invite you. So please pity me and don't refuse."

Han Yan chuckled. "Why didn't you command me?"

"I wouldn't dare."

Han Yan smiled. After a period of working with Pai Wen, she realized that he exuded a certain charm that attracted the opposite person and no one could reject his request. Pai Wen drove to the countryside. The cool breeze brushed Han Yan's silky hair. A moment later, the tall buildings of the city had been left behind. In front of their eyes, there were only vast fields. Han Yan closed her eyes and leant back on the seat, feeling relaxed after many hours working. Pai Wen smiled, "Why didn't you ask where I am taking you to?"

"It's probably a beautiful place, isn't it?"

"You are right. I am going to introduce my world to you."

Han Yan was surprised. "Your world?"

"Yes."

She gazed at him intently as he lowered his voice. "Every person has his own world and it is often hard to find someone to share it with. But I…"

Han Yan smiled, "How can you be sure that I will see your world as beautiful?"

"Therefore, I'm hoping that you will see it with feelings and emotions, just like when you look at the fields around us." His voice was dreamy, "I see your world as an untouched land but has potential if you sow the right seeds."

"You can't be sure that the land is suitable for growing rice. It is probably full of weeds," she continued, "Anyway, you are wrong. My world is a barren land full of rock and pebbles."

"Really?"

Han Yan shrugged her shoulders and replied in a happy voice, "It seems so."

"Why don't you let me have a chance? I will try my best to turn it into a fertile land, using feelings, love and emotion to water the land…"

"I'm afraid that you will be wasting your effort."

Pai Wen smiled, "Yet success is guaranteed if you have determination, right?"

"Time will answer you then."

Pai Wen looked at Han Yan. A bright smile bloomed on her face. The sun was setting, those last lingering rays soft and hazy before disappearing. They stopped in front of a famous restaurant decorated simply but beautifully with bamboo. Pai Wen said, "This restaurant is designed really well. It's simple but sophisticated."

"It's beautiful, the sophisticated beauty hidden inside the simplicity."

Han Yan inhaled deeply, as if to enjoy the fresh and pure air of the countryside. They sat down at a table in the corner. Pai Wen glanced at her and felt that she was beautiful. No one could believe that the beautiful woman in front of him had fainted a month ago in his store.

An unexplained elation rose inside Pai Wen. Han Yan felt at ease and relaxed. She recited an ancient poem softly.

"You like poems and read many of them?"

Han Yan nodded. "Poetry is my friend, helping me through lonely and unemployed days…"

Pai Wen let out a soft sigh. Such a beautiful girl with a good soul yet her situation was so harsh. She had encountered so many ups and downs in this life. He vowed that he would turn the arid land of her soul into a flowering garden.

"Han Yan…"

"Yes?"

"What do you think about me?"

She became thoughtful. "You…You are a man with experience, determination and will but also very emotional. You are the first special person that I have met."

Pai Wen felt happy and encouraging. "Really?"

Han Yan nodded gently, "I'm honest."

Pai Wen hesitated, "Then…will you let me have a chance at tending the land of your soul?"

Han Yan seemed awkward and confused. "I…I can't answer you now…" She looked outside, "I'd like to be like a rose, my favorite flower. It has a beautiful fragrance but it is surrounded with thorns…" Her voice sounded distant, "I would want a small house with a small rose gardens, full of yellow roses…"

Pai Wen smiled, "We will have that. Our rose garden and our small house that you dream of."

Han Yan was quiet. Pai Wen said, "Don't change the topic. Answer my question, please."

Han Yan stammered, "I said…I cannot give you an answer now."

The waiter brought food out. Han Yan said, "Let's eat. I'm hungry."

Pai Wen gazed at Han Yan and she smiled at him. However, she was embarrassed and bent her head low as Pai Wen kept gazing at her. She pretended to arrange the chopsticks and bows for both of them. Pai Wen poured the wine into her glass. Han Yan shook her head, "I don't drink."

"Then you must answer my question or you have to drink this glass of wine. You have to choose one option. Why do you enjoy seeing me miserable? I have been waiting for a long time for your answer. When will you give me an answer?"

Han Yan's eyes focused on the table, fingers fiddling with the chopsticks. A moment later, she looked up. "I would never want to make you miserable. To me, you are like a power that could make me do anything. I always respect and admire you. You are probably the only person whom I hold the greatest affection for in this life. However, I cannot be sure that it is…love."

"What do you mean?"

Han Yan seemed upset. "I don't want to see you regret later because you have chosen me. What if you meet another girl later…"

Pai Wen said with serious voice. "Are you still doubting me? You think that I don't know what I want? I admit that I have been moved in front many beautiful girls but those were just a normal reaction to beauty. An emotion mixed with greed, wanting to possess. Yet with you, I know really well that I want you."

Han Yan lowered her voice, "But I am not sure of what I want."

He gazed at her, "You…you answered…"

Han Yan interrupted Pai Wen. "Can't you give some time to think about this?"

Pai Wen was quiet. Sadness overwhelmed him but he also realized the value of Han Yan. He let out a sigh, "Alright. It's up to you. I can't force you to give me an answer now." Shaking his head, he continued, "But please remember that whatever I said to you today would influence the rest of my life."

Han Yan could not stand seeing Pai Wen unhappy. "I'm sorry."

He smiled. "Let's not talk about it anymore. Why don't we eat now? I'm hungry."

*****

Pai Wen sat at the sofa, reading the newspaper but he could not take in anything as his eyes kept looking at Han Yan sitting at the desk. She was typing the letters. Strands of silky hair fell over her forehead. She bit her lips occasionally when she paused to think then continued to type. A moment later, she stopped, sighed and looked out the window. Pai Wen put down the newspaper and stood up. Han Yan was startled and looked at Pai Wen, smiling awkwardly.

"Are you tired? If you are tired, you should take a break then continue later."

Han Yan shook her head, "No, I can do it."

Pai Wen pointed at the sofa, "Sit down here. You look tired."

Han Yan smiled, "The manager's order?"

"Yes."

She reached the sofa but looked at him, waiting. He lowered his voice, "When will you stop making me wait?"

Han Yan blinked. "I…When did I make you wait?"

His voice was serious. "Please stop playing."

Her eyes opened wide. "I…I don't dare to make anyone wait."

Lifting up her chin, he said, gazing into her eyes. "Don't you forget something?"

"I don't know."

"Let me repeat it for you."

Han Yan was quiet. Pai Wen continued. "I love you. Do you hear that? Do you want to avoid this forever?"

Her voice trembled. "I…I don't know…how to decide…"

Pai Wen sat down next to her. "Now I want to be very honest with you. I want to ask for your hand in marriage. What do you think?"

Her heart beat wildly inside her chest. Pai Wen held her hand. Han Yan trembled but she was still quiet. He asked, "Or…I am late?"

She asked softly, "Late for what?"

"I have come after another man?"

Her cheeks burnt brightly. "I…I don't know anyone…I haven't loved anyone…"

Pai Wen asked again, enunciating each word, "Or do you want to reject me? If I am not worthy, please say so."

She shook her head. "You are wrong. It is I who do not deserve you. There are so many other better girls."

"Yet there is only one woman whose husband I want to be. It is you. Do you understand? I am not talking out of impulse."

As Han Yan was quiet, Pai Wen continued, "Do you accept my proposal?"

"I…"

"Yes?"

Han Yan stammered, "No!"

Pai Wen was stunned. "What did you say?"

She looked at him, pleading, "It is not possible. Please don't force me anymore. Pai Wen, I cannot give you an answer right now."

Pai Wen let out a long sigh. He was quiet for a long moment before standing up. He lighted a cigarette and said slowly. "If you have already said so, there is nothing more for me to say. But please remember that I will always wait for you. I will wait until you accept me."

Pai Wen puffed on his cigarette, letting out chains of gloomy smoke. Han Yan continued with her work.

Three day passed by. Han Yan suddenly became cold with Pai Wen. She only spoke to him occasionally regarding the company's matters. Pai Wen also did not mention about the incident. He wanted to give her some time to think about his proposal. Yet three days passed by, Han Yan still did not give him an answer. She seemed to be avoiding him. Pai Wen decided that he could not wait for Han Yan any longer. He would ask Han Yan the reason for refusing him. That afternoon, he told her, "I'll give you a lift home."

Hearing his serious tone, she stammered, "I…I can go home by myself."

Shaking his head, he said, "There is something I need to say to you. Don't find a reason to refuse me."

Han Yan obediently got into the car. Her head bent low. He was also quiet and drove quickly to her house. The atmosphere was heavy. The car stopped at the lane entrance and they walked together to Han Yan's place. She did not object him walking her to the door. As they reached the door, Han Yan opened the door and turned back, "Thank you."

Pai Wen shook his head. He walked inside then closed the door behind him. Han Yan looked at him, not knowing what to do. Pai Wen pulled her abruptly into his arms. Startled, Han Yan struggled but his embrace was strong. His lips sealed hers. Han Yan was not quick enough to push him away. Lost in a sea of pure sensation as he kissed her passionately, she wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him for support. Han Yan moaned softly as she kissed him back with all the awakening desire flooding through her.

Pai Wen whispered, "Han Yan…Please say it.."

Han Yan breathed, "Pai Wen…"

"Do you love me? Do you love me as much as I love you?"

Her arms tightened around him. She answered, feeling as if she was melting and floating inside, "Pai Wen…I love you…I love you…"

"Yan…"

Pai Wen was overwhelmed with emotions. He had never experienced this feeling before. He kissed her repeatedly and lingeringly, whispering endearments to her, "Yan,…I'm so happy, I have waited so long to hear those words from you…"

His mind was drugged with her response. "Let's get married…"

The word "married" pulled Han Yan back to reality. She pushed him away, terrified. "It's not possible…It's not possible…"

Pai Wen was surprised at Han Yan's objection. She had already told him that she loved him. She took few steps back, eyeing him warily. He walked up, gazing into her eyes. "Yan…what did you say?"

Han Yan's voice trembled. "I cannot accept your proposal."

Pai Wen said after a moment of silence. "Yan…Why did you say that? Why? You think that I don't love you?"

Her head bowed. "No. I think the opposite but it's not possible."

Pai Wen frowned. "Why?"

Her head still bent low, voice choked with tears. "We would not be happy after we are married. I don't accept your proposal because…Because…I don't deserve you."

Pai Wen raised his voice, "You are absolutely wrong…so wrong…" continued he, "Everyone is equal in love. I only want you as my wife. As about happiness, would I be happy if I don't have you?"

Han Yan's hands covered her face. "Please…I'm…" Turning her face away from him, she sobbed, "Please don't say any more…I beg you…I said that I love you…but it's not possible…"

Pai Wen shook his head. "Yan…Look at me!"

Looking straight at her, he asked, "How could you say that to me? You must be my wife. Did you hear that?"

Shaking her head, Han Yan tried to hold back the tears welling up in her eyes, "No…It's not possible."

"Why? Why do you keep saying so? Why is it not possible?"

"Your reputation. I don't want people to despite you because of me…"

"I don't care. I don't need anything beside you."

Han Yan buried her face against his chest. "I'm very unhappy…I don't deserve you…in every aspect…"

Pai Wen frowned. "I have already said it doesn't matter."

"But…my past."

"So?"

"I am not what you think."

"What do you mean?"

She cried her heart out for a long moment before speaking through choking sobs, "Before I worked for your company, I was a secretary in another big company. The manager helped me in every aspect. He gave me money to pay for the family that brought me up. I really respected him until one night he drugged me…"

Han Yan looked at Pai Wen, knowing that she would lose him if she told him everything. However, she did not want to hide anything from him.

Pai Wen sighed, "Then what happened? Did you escape him?"

She answered, hands covering her face, "No…I really don't deserve you."

Pai Wen closed his eyes. The truth had been revealed and there was no hope. He sat still for a moment before lighting a cigarette. Han Yan was still crying. An overwhelming sadness took over her as she realized that she was losing him. A long moment later, Pai Wen stood up. "Han Yan…The truth is so cruel. However, I hope that this is only a nightmare, or an obstacle that I am unsure how to cross. However, I still thank you for letting me know. You are very righteous."

He sighed heavily before continued, "I'll go home now. We need to reconsider things between us…"

He placed a soft kiss on her hair before walking out in a dazed state. Han Yan threw herself onto the bed and wept uncontrollably.

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