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Thursday, July 29, 2010 |
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So the day that I hated most had arrived. After dinner, I sat by the window and watched the rain outside. The rain droplets sparkling on the cables resembled pearl necklace. Rain was still pouring down. Everything appeared sad and miserable. I sighed and stood up. Anyway, I had to take care of those things. My mother called out from the kitchen, "Yi Ping? Have you gone yet?" She just finished washing dishes and was drying her hands with the blue apron tied around her waist. I went to the corner and looked for the umbrella. "I'm just about to go now." "Please remember not to get in an argument over there. Tell your father that we have already owed the rent for two months and cannot ask for any more extension." I still could not find the umbrella. I replied, "Yes, I know. Please don't be worried. I will bring the money home." "Are you looking for the umbrella? It's in the kitchen." She brought the umbrella out. Looking at the rain outside, she said, "Come home early. If there is money, call a rickshaw. It's raining heavily." I stepped into my only pair of shoes that my mother had bought for me when I passed my high school exam. One year and a half. The shoemaker had changed heels, and fixed soles many times. Every time he saw me bringing the shoes to him, he would shake his head, "That pair of shoes again? So worn like this, there is no way to fix it." Recently, the heels became loose. Every time I walked in the rain, especially on the muddy road, the shoes would make those sounds like a sad melody. I was too embarrassed to bring it to the shoemaker again. Anyway, the house "over there" had marble floor, I would not have to take my shoes off so no one would notice my muddy feet. My mother followed me to the gate and saw my slow steps. "Yi Ping..." I turned around and she said one more time, "Please don't argue with them." I nodded and walked away. I looked back after a few steps. She still leaned on the gate looking at me. She seemed so lonely and fragile and did not go in until I waved. The gate closed. Wind became stronger. I pulled up my collars and held tight on the umbrella. I walked on. From my house to "that house" was not far but there was no bus so it took me more than half an hour to get there. There were good months when I only had to go one time for the money. Other unfortunate months, I had to make a few trips. Strong wind slashed against my face. Soil and pebbles in my shoes made every reluctant step more painful. My feet were cold. The coldness drilled into my heart. A car passed by. Water and mud splashed on my only blue dress before I had a chance to step away. I sadly smoothed back my hair. Rain was now heavier. Water dripped down from a small hole in the umbrella. No matter how I turned the umbrella, water still poured down my head. The cruel wind blew stronger. I was soaked. I focused on the amount of money that my mother and I would need for this month in order to forget the chill seeping into me. I would have to ask that person, the person I called "Father", $800 for grocery and clothes, $1000 for rent. It would be $1800 in total. My only pair of shoes probably would not survive this season. After a turn, I stopped in front of the red gate. The gate was recently painted as I could smell the fresh paint. The bright light on either sides of the gate shone the golden writing on the sign "Lu Family's villa". I pressed the bell and glanced at the sign again. "Lu Family's villa". The house of a man named Lu Zhenhua. My last name is also Lu yet was I inside or outside this house? The gate was opened. Ah Lan, the maid stuck her head out. It seemed like she did not like people visiting in this weather. She looked at me from top to toe. As I stepped inside, she asked, "It's raining so heavily, why did you not catch a bus?" Had I ever come here by bus? My voice carried a trace of annoyance, "Is he at home?" "Yes." Ah Lan nodded and walked inside. I walked on the cement path in the middle of front yard. The yard was so big. There were bushes of jasmine on either side of the path. My mother really likes this flower. I scraped my heels on the carpet and folded the umbrella before placing it carefully at the corner. I stepped in. The warmth inside eased me right away. There was a big fireplace in the middle of the lounge room. The room looked really cozy. Music was so loud. Mung Ping, my half sister, was lying on the sofa next to the fireplace. She was wearing a red T-shirt with tight pants. Her hair was let loose. An alluring beauty just like her mother. Seeing me, Mung Ping nodded her head slightly before called out, "Mother, Yi Ping is here." I sat down on the chair nearby, carefully hiding the dirty part of my dress and shoes. My pride did not allow me to let people in this house see my poverty. Yet Mung Ping did not notice my presence. She was too busy listening to her music. I smoothed my hair again and glanced around the room. Only then did I discover one more person in the room. It was Er Jie, the youngest brother who was just twelve, sitting quietly on a brand new bicycle in the corner. One foot on the pedal, one foot on the ground, he stared at me coldly. The pair of cunning eyes searched me. My shoes probably could not escape his stare. Er Jie did not greet me so I could not be bother ask him anything. My father was 58 when Er Jir was born. He was seven years younger than Mung Ping and was the youngest one so he was spoilt. Yet I hated him most in the family. My father often said proudly, "Children of Lu Zhenhua, girl or boy, are all beautiful." It was not wrong. All of my siblings were beautiful. Like my mother, she had two daughters, Xin Ping and I. Xin Ping was renowned for her beauty since she was 15 year-old. My father loved her most. He took her everywhere, to every party, every horse race. However, she died when she was 17 years old due to lung disease. I heard that there was a young soldier who would bring flowers to her grave every day. It was a romantic tale. Since I started to know things, I had always wished that there would be a young handsome soldier who would bring flowers for me. I was 10 when Xin Ping died. People often said that I resembled my sister. Yet I understood very clearly. I could not compare to my sister. She was not only physically beautiful, she was also a very nice and kind person. While I, I am a stubborn girl. In my mind, Xin Ping was the most beautiful girl. Other sisters were also beautiful. As for Aunt Xue Quing's children, the oldest was Er Hao. He was not as handsome as other brothers but he was still alright. Ru Ping, who was 24 this year, could be considered to be above average. Mung Ping, 17 year-old, is also beautiful but she could not compare to the gentle and demure beauty of my sister. As for Er Jie, I don't know what to say. He was not ugly but his small eyes seemed so cunning. His skin was so pale. He was very naughty. He knew that he was loved by father and Aunt Xue Quing. My father still had so many other children that I could not remember all their names. When he was still young, how many girls did he meet? Even he himself could not recall, how could I know? The song finished followed by the voice of the DJ who read out the title of the next song with the name of the person who requested it. Mung Ping was still listening quietly. Er Jie was still standing in the corner. As if he just thought of something, he glanced at his sister with a devilish smile. After that, he pedaled the bicycle and rang the bell noisily. Mung Ping threw the magazine at Er Jie, "Will you bring your bicycle outside? Or should I beat you up!" Er Jie poked out his tongue while his hand still pressed the bell, "I dare you. Your boyfriend does not request a song for you, so you want to beat me? Ha! If you dare to touch me, I'll tell daddy." Mung Ping looked at Er Jie, "Go on, ring your bell again, see if I dare to hit you?" After that, Mung Ping rolled the magazine as if she was ready to hit Er Jie yet Er Jie was not afraid. He still pressed the bell noisily. Mung Ping stepped up and put up the magazine, "Press again." "Who is afraid of you?" The sound of the bells hurt my ears. Er Jie's face challenged Mung Ping. The magazine flew out of Mung Ping's hand and landed at Er Jie's nose. The sound stopped. Er Jie headed for Mung Ping, his hand gripped her dress, his head gored her stomach. At the same, he screamed loudly, "Daddy! Mummy! Mung Ping hits me...Ai ya, ai ya." His cry was so loud, even louder than the radio. If Aunt Xue Quin did not come out at that moment, the house could have collapsed due to his scream. Aunt Xue Quing hugged Er Jie then slapped Mung Ping, "You are his older sister and you still get into silly argument with him. You are 7 years older than him and you hit him? You want me to tell your dad?" Mung Ping was enraged. She put up her hands on her waist and retorted, "7 years younger? So? Everyone spoils him in this house. Today, you buy this toy for him. Tomorrow you buy something else for him. I only asked for few hundreds dollars for a dress and you refused while you could spend few thousand on this toy for him!" Aunt Xue Quing shouted, "Quiet! What else do you want? You want me to tell your dad so he can give you a good beating?" Aunt Xue Quing's threat seemed to have an effect on Mung Ping. She stopped arguing but the anger in her was not extinguished. She kicked the chair hard, sat down heavily and turned the music up. Aunt Xue Quing picked up Er Jie and touched his head gently, "Are you alright? Where did she hit you? Does it painful?" Er Jie took the chance to coddle himself. He grimaced but there was no tears in his eyes. Aunt Xue Quing turned around and she saw me sitting there. She seemed surprised, "Oh, when did you come? How is your mother?" "She's fine." I replied curtly and bit my lower lip gently. She continued soothing Er Jie while he pretended to cry. Annoyance rose inside me. I asked, "Is father at home?" I really wanted this to be over quickly so I could come back to my small but loving home, rather than sitting in this grand lounge room. My mother's house might be small. It might not have a fireplace, and a soft sofa but I could walk in it and breathe freely. My mother was waiting for me at home. Since I had an argument with Aunt Xue last summer when I came to ask for money, every time I came here, my mother would repeatedly ask me not to get into trouble. I would do this for my mother then. Aunt Xue turned around and called out, "Yi Ping is here." Her age was similar to my mother's age, nearly 50s yet she still looked very young. If she stood next to my mother, people would think that my mother was 10 years older. Her son was 5 years older than me yet there was not a trace of wrinkle on her face. She knew how to dress well. She had a youthful appearance that was hard to find in people of her age. Yet it was true in a way because she led a comfortable and happy life, unlike my mother, who cried so often. My father stepped into the room. He still kept the old pipe. He looked at me with a slight acknowledgement in his eyes while his brows furrowed. I still stood up to greet him even though I did not like him at all, "Father!" He gestured for me to sit down. It seemed as though he could sense the reluctance in me so he did not want to lengthen this scene. The music was really loud. He turned around and growled at Mung Ping, "Turn it off right now." Mung Ping mumbled something before turning off the music. Silence once again invaded the room. My father sat down next to Aunt Xue and looked at Er Jie. "What now?" Er Jie pretended to cry louder. Aunt Xue replied, "Fighting with Mung Ping again." My father did not say anything except glancing at Mung Ping. Mung Ping bent down her head quickly but still mumbled, "Hmm, just because he has a new toy." He jerked his head up and Mung Ping was quiet. Turn around to look at me, he seemed so cold and distant, "What now? How is your mother?" So he still remembered my mother? "She has been troubled with headaches." "Why don't you ask a doctor to come and see her?" Doctor? Where is the money? There was only few hundred dollars very month and we lived like beggars. I was quiet. He took off the pipe and cast the ashes out. Aunt Xue quickly changed the tobacco and lighted it again. My father puffed in deeply a few times then leaned back on the sofa, relaxing. I felt glad inside as I must have come at the right time. I might be able to ask for some money today. He might give me a bit more than the usual amount for spending and rent. A Peikingese ran out from the room inside. It was Lele, waggling its little tail in front of everyone. Followed him was Ru Ping. Ru Ping was Aunt Xue's daughter, she was 4 years older than me but belonged to the more traditional and obeying type of women. She seemed lacking in comparison to Mung Ping, not as pretty, not as lively and lacked self-confidence. She would become shy and mumble in front of strangers. In addition, she did not know how to dress and do make up. For instance, right now, she was wearing a bright green top with red pants, and a colourful scarf around her neck. She looked as though she just stepped out from a stage play. However, she was the only person in this family that I held any liking for. Seeing me, she smiled before glancing quickly towards father. "Oh, everyone is here. I did not know you were here because I was sleeping inside. So cold today...Yi Ping, you still wear a dress in this weather? I probably won't be able to stand the weather in a dress." Ru Ping sat down next to me. After a yawn, her hand accidentally touched the dirty part of my dress, "Yi Ping, your dress is wet, come into my room and change." "It's alright, I'll be going soon." LeLe brushed its nose against my leg. I bent down to pat him. He lied down at my feet. He looked so cute and how I wished that I had a pet like him to take care of. "Lele, come here." Hearing Aunt Xue Quing's voice, Lele ran to her side. She put a hand out to pat his hair and said, "Look at this, where did you get this mud from?" I glanced at her, hatred rose inside me. This woman always found a way to humiliate me. Actually, I despised her more than I hated her. A selfish, calculating woman! However, I remained silent. My father was still smoking quietly. According to my mother, my father was very handsome when he was young. Yet now, he was old, his hair and brows were gray but he still carried an air of authority around him. When he was still famous in Dong Bei, people would call him "Black Leopard Lu Zhenhua". That was the grand past of the hero "Black Leopard", a name that was once mentioned would set fear in everyone. The Black Leopard was old now and he only spent time with his pipe but his temperament had not changed. I often thought that if he came back to a battling field now, even young men would not be able to defeat him. He sat there looking at me and Ru Ping. I suddenly felt as though he was looking for something in me. I only came here for the money. I said finally, "Father, my mother asked me to pick up the money for this month. We have not paid the rent for two months." His eyes gleamed with coldness, a slight smile appeared on his mouth. Was he laughing at our dependent lives? Before I had a chance to say anything, he already told Aunt Xue Quing, "Xue Quing, is the money ready?" After that, he turned to look at me but I could see anger in his eyes. "I think if not because of money, you would never come to visit me." I bit my lower lip and looked at him. Anger rose inside me. What else does he want me to do when the only link between I and he was these few dollars? If not for money, why would I come here? No one in this house liked me. Who put my mother and I in this circumstance? Aunt Xue Quing told Ru Ping, "Ru Ping, come inside and take $800 for me." Ru Ping stood up to walk inside. That amount of money was not enough. I hurried, "Father, we have already owed two months of rent. We cannot delay it anymore. The weather is cold now so we need warm clothes. It is also near New Year and mother only has one silk dress while I also need some more clothes. If it is possible, please give us more money." As I stopped, my face burnt with embarrassment. "How much do you want?" It took all the courage inside me to name the amount, "Two thousand and five hundred." Aunt Xue interrupted, "Yi Ping, have you got a boyfriend?" I was surprised and did not understand her intention. She continued, "You only want to dress nicely if you have a boyfriend. Look at Ru Ping, she wears the same coat every year and it's worn but she has never asked for a new one. Over there at your place, there are only you and your mother, so spending is not a big problem. Yet here, we have 4 extra people. Ru Ping is the oldest so she has to give in to her siblings..." I thought a look sometimes could embarrass a person. Seeing the look in my eyes, the smile disappeared on her face and annoyance took place. I looked at my father whose face showed obvious annoyance. I asked, "Father?" He looked up, "You think taking out $2,500 is easy?" I replied without thinking, "I don't think so but if you could spend more than $4000 for Er Jie's new bicycle, $2500 is not so hard." Seeing the knitted brows on his forehead, I realized I had made a wrong move. So this trip might not turn out as smoothly as I thought. "So you think you have a right to spend my money? I can give money as I like, no one has a right to ask or complain." Hearing this, Aunt Xue was back to her happy self. Er Jie had stopped crying now. I swallowed my pride and attempted to fix the problem, "Father, how about the rent? If we don't pay, they will kick my mother and I out of the house." "There is no extra money this month, take $800 now and come back when it's near the end of the year." I replied quickly in anger, "But my mother and I cannot survive on this amount of money for that long, unless we stop eating." "I don't care," shouted my father, "I don't have money now, I only $800. Why do you need so much money when there is only you and your mother?" Aunt Xue suddenly laughed loudly, "Where is your mother's jewelry? Saving them for your wedding? She must have been saving some over the years. I know her, she does not have to do anything while I have to work to earn money." I glared at Aunt Xue and wondered how a person like my father could not see the selfishness and the meanness in her. Trying to calm down the frustration inside me, I continued, "If there was anything left in my house that I could sell, I would not come here to beg for money like this." The evil smile was still on her face, "Listen to her, what a sharp tongue! No wonder your mother asked you to come here to collect debts. It might sound harsh but if your father does not have money to give your mother, you'd probably say that he deserted her and you." Ru Ping stepped out from inside carrying in her hand a few notes. She gave it to Aunt Xue before sitting down next to me. I did not hate Ru Ping but an annoyance grew inside me today, especially when I saw the ring with a large ruby on her slender finger sparkling under the light. How beautiful and elegant! While I just asked for a few hundred dollars. Aunt Xue handed the notes to my father while she still continued her attack, "You give it to her. I think she would not take the money from me." Father glared at me, "Do you want it?" I tried not to show my anger as there were so many things that I would need money to deal with at home. "Father, please give me some more. The rent is at least $1000." His brows rose, "It's no use saying anything else. I said 800 is 800. If you want it, take it, if not, don't take it. I don't have free time to reason with you." "Father," my voice choked, "if we don't pay the rent, where will I and mother live? You are my father, that's why I come here to ask for money, I would not dare to reason with you." His voice rose, "I'm your father but not your debtor, why do you keep coming here? Even I was a debtor, there would not be a persistent debt collector like you. I have to work for my money, not just by using magic. Here's $800, take it or not, depends on you. I don't have time to hear you talking. You are no different to your mother, always being so annoyingly insistent!" I surged to my feet. Blood rushed to my face. The anger that I had been suppressed inside me for so many years now exploded. I glared at everyone in the room, even the man whom I called "Father". Regardless of consequences, I spoke my mind, "I did not come here to beg for money. You are my father. You have a responsibility towards me. When you were at Dong Bei, if you did not force my mother into marriage with you, there would not be me. There would be no annoying person like me and I would not be so miserable." My voice was loud and clear. Sentences escaped my lips in a cascade, and they even surprised me. I dared to stand up to my father, a person who had never tasted a confrontation before. My father sat up straight. The pipe left his mouth and was put down on the table. Fire gleamed in his eyes as he looked at me. His eyes suddenly reminded me of his name "Black Leopard Lu Zhenhua". Yes, those were eyes of Black Leopard. His brows furrowed, and his lips tightened. Silence was heavy in the room. He did not say anything but his hands clenched tightly on the chair. I knew I had angered my father. "What do you mean by that?" Ru Ping tugged lightly at my dress as if to ask me to say sorry to my father. Mung Ping was still lying on the sofa, staring at me. I was a bit afraid. His shout was louder, "Speak, what did you mean by that?" I was startled but as I saw the victorious smile on Aunt Xue Quing and Er Jie sitting comfortably on her lap staring at me, the anger once again swept over me. I forgot my fear, forgot that the person who was standing in front of me had once been "king" to a part of the land, and so many people had died under his hands. I forgot those things my mother had repeated so many times before I left the house. I only knew that I needed to speak out, to let go of all the suppressed anger inside me. "I did not mean anything by it. I only pity the fact that I had reincarnated into the wrong family. Why am I the daughter of Lu Zhenhua? If I had been reincarnated into another family, I would not have to beg my father for money. Even animals take care of its own cubs, and I, it's like I don't have a father. Father, you many not have any feelings for me, but what about mother? There was one time when you did love her, did use many ways to have her. Now you don't even care if she is starved to death? My father stood up quickly, the pipe fell down to the floor. The eyes of the Black Leopard glared at me. The muscles on his face were taut with anger. He slowly approached me. "You dare to speak to me like that? 68 years of my life, no one has dared to speak to me like that. Er Jie, take the riding whip for me." Instinct told me to take a step back but the chair was in my way. Er Jie seemed to be amused with the idea, and ran quickly inside. I did not know what my father's intention was. Tie me here until I die? Fear kindled in me. Ru Ping was also afraid for me. She was trembling in the chair. That fact unsettled me but the anger stopped me. Er Jie brought the whip out. My father took it in his hand and reached for me. I was more furious and shouted loudly, "You do not have the right to touch me. For so many years, you kicked me and my mother out of this house. You have never fulfilled your duty as a father. You don't have the right of a father." "Is that so?" He gritted. The whip was wound a few times around his hand and brought up high. He continued, "Let's see if I have the right to beat you." He brought the riding whip down on me as he finished talking. Ru Ping jumped and hid behind Mung Ping. I ducked down but the whip was right on my back. Fortunately, the cardigan was thick so I did not feel so much pain. I exploded in fury, "You are a monster, you are inhumane. You can beat me and I will not hide. But I will remember, I will remember...and one day, I will have revenge, Heaven will punish you." "You can have revenge if you like but I will beat you to death today so you will not dare to speak to me like that in the future." The riding whip in his hand slashed down on my head and my back like a heavy rain, I could not avoid them. The whip hit my face a few times and left burning marks. Pain made me angrier. Tears streamed down my face. The towering rage consumed me completely. I screamed. I cursed. I did not know what I was saying at that time. My father threw the rope away after a while when he got tired. He coldly said, "If I don't teach you, you will never know who your father is." He sat down and picked up the pipe, still looking at me. He seemed to calm down. Holding $800 in his hand, he said, "Take this $800 first and come back tomorrow, I'll give you $1500 for clothes and rent." So everything was back to normal? If my spine was more flexible, if I could stand the beating for these few hundreds dollars, everything could have been fine. Yet the stubbornness inside me did not allow me to give in. I held the money in my hand, looking at him before glancing at the smile on Aunt Xue Quing's lips, I could not stand it. "From today on, I am not daughter of Lu Zhenhua" screamed I, looking at him coldly, "You are mistaken. You think with few thousand dollars, you can buy my revenge? Never! I do not need money of Lu family. I despise you people. I will make all of you pay. For now, you can keep this dirty money." I threw the notes at Aunt Xue Quing's face and was satisfied to see the look on her face as the notes fell down from her head. Turning around, I walked out of the room. I ran into Er Hao in the yard. Pushing him aside, I ran out of the gate. Until I felt the rain on my body, I realised that I had left the umbrella inside Lu family. However, pride did not allow me to go back in. Leaning back on the wall, I remembered those sentences my mother had said to me "If he gives you money, take a rickshaw home" and tears stung my eyes. I could hear a voice from inside, "What happened, mother? I ran into Yi Ping just then." Xue Quing's voice still carried a trace of anger, "Who cares about her?" and she shouted order loudly, "Ah Lan! Bring something out to clean the house. Every time she comes here, she is dirty like a dog." I stood in front of the red gates and solemnly took a vow in my heart, "From now on, I will use every way to make people in this house suffer." I walked home in the heavy rain. go back |
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