Rejecting someone you actually do like

[jiang bao]

I met up with this friend (not that close) over the weekend. We were catching up and the topic changed to personal lives and she mentioned someone had been pursuing her. Of course, I asked more about it. She said she liked him but she rejected him because she isn’t sure that it would work out. Now she’s not happy that he hasn’t continued to pursue her, which makes her think that she was right to reject him because he wasn’t serious about her.

In my head, I was thinking she was nuts, but of course, I didn’t put it that way when I reacted to what she said.

I just don’t get it, when a man says he likes you, it’s not like he’s asking you to go to bed with him right there or marry him. Why do some women (typically Asian) take it so seriously? Why not give the man a chance if you like him?

I mean, isn’t crazy to reject somebody and then get mad that he’s still not pursuing you??? Is that an ego problem or is that just some crazy mind game?

[Suet Seung]

Yes, it is crazy to reject someone that you do mutually like. I wouldn't do that if I feel the same as he does.

How old is your friend? I am guessing she might be afraid of getting into a relationship and having it not work out. I mean if they're dating for 3 or more years, and then in the end the relationship goes sour. She would have "wasted" that much of her youth on a relationship that did not last or work out.

Women, asian or non-asian, only has so many years of youth, they don't want to waste time on the wrong guy. But that's a mindset for women who are no longer younger in age. It's a factor they need to consider.

[Exodus]

maybe she does like him or why would she be mad at him for not pursuing her any more. I mean she have already hurt his feeling so how can he keep pursuing her if he have some dignity of a man

[Trinie]

I actually know some stupid girls that actually do this. One of them is low and behold....that pathetic friend that I often mention. She once rejected this guy that she liked over and over again since she felt she was not ready for a relationship. They first met when they were 16 and she liked him as well but she did not give him a chance. Basically, she was playing hard to get and she got lucky that that guy never gave up on her. She is the one that always wants to be chased and would never go out of her way to chase or like a guy(that guy was stupid enough to like and still pursue her). However, in the end, she felt she was getting old so just married him because her biological time clock is ticking... Basically, most girls do this to boost their ego or something and to show that it is the guy that has to chase her, not the other way around.

If it were me, I would never do that to a guy that I like. I would give him a chance to see how things go. However, he has to tell me that he likes me because I am not always sure if a guy does or not.. I hate making the wrong assumptions too.

[Exodus]

I actually know some stupid girls that actually do this. One of them is low and behold....that pathetic friend that I often mention. She once rejected this guy that she liked over and over again since she felt she was not ready for a relationship. They first met when they were 16 and she liked him as well but she did not give him a chance. Basically, she was playing hard to get and she got lucky that that guy never gave up on her. She is the one that always wants to be chased and would never go out of her way to chase or like a guy(that guy was stupid enough to like and still pursue her). However, in the end, she felt she was getting old so just married him because her biological time clock is ticking... Basically, most girls do this to boost their ego or something and to show that it is the guy that has to chase her, not the other way around.

If it were me, I would never do that to a guy that I like. I would give him a chance to see how things go. However, he has to tell me that he likes me because I am not always sure if a guy does or not.. I hate making the wrong assumptions too.

he is a shame to all the guys around the world he reminds me of DY.

how can be be happy being the "back up" guy

[Trinie]

he is a shame to all the guys around the world he reminds me of DY.

how can be be happy being the "back up" guy

Well, the thing was, he did like her and waited for her for 12-13 years. I thought he was a big shame to all guys and I must say that my friend was NOT even worth it. She is fake, is a liar, average looking, sits on her butt and does nothing,etc... Gosh, what is there for him to like?? I guess that dude was desperate and had no one else....Yea, he does remind me of DY and to me that is really sad...

Also, their marriage is to me an artificial one(which means it felt fake to me) because they hardly even knew each other before they got married. They did NOT date at all but at her engagement she lied and said that they dated for 8 years... Gosh, my brother and I nearly flinched when we heard that since we all knew that it was not true at all. However, she has no shame to lie(she is a pathological liar) about it in front of everyone like that. They both are fake and have no shame so I guess they make a compatible couple.

[Exodus]

Well, the thing was, he did like her and waited for her for 12-13 years. I thought he was a big shame to all guys and I must say that my friend was NOT even worth it. She is fake, is a liar, average looking, sits on her butt and does nothing,etc... Gosh, what is there for him to like?? I guess that dude was desperate and had no one else....Yea, he does remind me of DY and to me that is really sad...

Well now they have each other. Girls do say things and actually mean the opposite and most guys can't figure it out.

[Trinie]

Well now they have each other. Girls do say things and actually mean the opposite and most guys can't figure it out.

Yea, some girls are like that.. But then again, a lot of girls actually do mean what they say... However, I think there are times that you can tell if she means the opposite or not..

[remember_Cedric]

I just don’t get it, when a man says he likes you, it’s not like he’s asking you to go to bed with him right there or marry him. Why do some women (typically Asian) take it so seriously? Why not give the man a chance if you like him?

I mean, isn’t crazy to reject somebody and then get mad that he’s still not pursuing you??? Is that an ego problem or is that just some crazy mind game?

I do get annoyed with inconsistency/undefinition like that. Things can be that simple - Yes, No or simply talk (be opened up about each other's emotions).

Perhaps, share this quote with her: "May your Yes be Yes, No be No.".

[xJadedx]

I can understand why she doesn't want to get into a relationship if she's not ready or worries that it may not work out, but getting upset that the guy stopped pursuing her when she's the one who rejected him just makes her seem silly. You rejected the guy. Unless he's madly in love with you, of course he's going to move on (if his emotion functions are working properly).

Also, if you like a guy and he likes you back - you should give it a try. It isn't that common to meet someone whom you like and who likes you as well.

[jiang bao]

I guess maybe she was testing him? Like, if he was really sincere about it, he wouldn't give up so easily?

I kind of get the feeling that this could be the real reason why she rejected him.

[kay &!*]

lol i "sorta" understands why she rejected him. i'm the same way.. if i really like a guy and he asks me out, well, obviously i'd say yes but there IS a side of me that worries if i am going to end up being hurt because i fell "too hard".. but i know better than that so i always give chances maybe your friend was scared but didn't have enough willpower to force her *** to take the chance.
and she's mad at him for not continuing her anymore because she thinks if a guy likes her enough, he'd continue to try and pursue her.. she should set her mind straight to think not every guy are desperate dogs waiting at her feet

[Yeung Gor]

I once rejected a girl whom I liked. She was smart and pretty. Well, she was actually in love with me for a while. I had always felt bad that I never gave her a chance. But I rejected her because I wasn't ready for a relationship.

[xJadedx]

I guess maybe she was testing him? Like, if he was really sincere about it, he wouldn't give up so easily?

I kind of get the feeling that this could be the real reason why she rejected him.

That just falls under mind games in my book, which for me, is a big no-no if you want a good relationship.

If you like a guy and he tells you, say yes. Don't beat around the bush trying to "test" him, especially if he's just starting to like you. If you already told him "no," why would you expect the guy to keep chasing after you (unless, like I mentioned before, he's madly in love with you already)? I'd find guys like that annoying.

[KeongJai]

It's up to her to chase him now.

[Candide]

I just don’t get it, when a man says he likes you, it’s not like he’s asking you to go to bed with him right there or marry him. Why do some women (typically Asian) take it so seriously? Why not give the man a chance if you like him?

I mean, isn’t crazy to reject somebody and then get mad that he’s still not pursuing you??? Is that an ego problem or is that just some crazy mind game?

Dealing with women isn't supposed to be logical nor intuitive. The only times a man should tell a woman that he likes her is while he's undressing her & getting ready for action, during the few seconds between the full time whistle and the inevitable dozing off, and while she's on her way out of the house but with the compulsory addition "I'll call you soon!"

A man should only say that outside of those times if he was set up with this girl he's not attracted to by his nosy mother or lame friends / relatives, and it is to get out of an awkward situation.

I've rejected a few girls I liked. Sometimes the sex isn't worth the drama.

###

Joking aside (although not all of the above are jokes), the reason why some girls run an entire movie of her future life starring her with you in the supporting role as soon as you utter "I like you" and end up saying "NO" is because you're a clueless dork who put her on the spot and under pressure. You gotta ease her into it. And never ever trust the words coming out of her mouth. Watch the body language, observe the actions. Some girls can say things that sound like rejections (or are even outright rejections) but they are actually getting all hot for you, big boy.

[PJ]

Joking aside (although not all of the above are jokes), the reason why some girls run an entire movie of her future life starring her with you in the supporting role as soon as you utter "I like you" and end up saying "NO" is because you're a clueless dork who put her on the spot and under pressure. You gotta ease her into it. And never ever trust the words coming out of her mouth. Watch the body language, observe the actions. Some girls can say things that sound like rejections (or are even outright rejections) but they are actually getting all hot for you, big boy.

That's why I have a boyfriend.

[Candide]

I never said that it is a sound excuse to take it up the bum, unless you're actually gay.

[bliss]

I once rejected a girl whom I liked. She was smart and pretty. Well, she was actually in love with me for a while. I had always felt bad that I never gave her a chance. But I rejected her because I wasn't ready for a relationship.

Cheng Ying?

[Trinie]

That just falls under mind games in my book, which for me, is a big no-no if you want a good relationship.

If you like a guy and he tells you, say yes. Don't beat around the bush trying to "test" him, especially if he's just starting to like you. If you already told him "no," why would you expect the guy to keep chasing after you (unless, like I mentioned before, he's madly in love with you already)? I'd find guys like that annoying.

I totally agree because girls like that may end up regretting it if the guy refuses to chase after them after being rejected. I think guys like that are annoying and are a disgrace to guys in general... I have seen that there are times that girls do regret it and then they have to end up chasing the guy... What goes around comes around...