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Thread: Teen apologizes to mother after killing son in Taekwondo Match

  1. #1
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    Default Teen apologizes to mother after killing son in Taekwondo Match

    http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking...ry_402233.html

    I understand the mother's grief, but on the positive side, it took a lot of courage for that young man to do this. I wish more young people today had this type of backbone.

  2. #2
    Member ChuckC's Avatar
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    That's a terrible thing to have to go through, but I did not feel it was fair for the mother to chastise that 15-year old boy. He carried a huge weight on his shoulders in reaching out to her and she cut him down.

    If the boy acted out of line in the course of that incident, then perhaps it's warranted. However, I don't see any indication of that in the article.

    Second, she should understand what Taekwondo entails. Death and serious injury in martial arts can and will happen. Sucks all around, but I don't think it was right for her to unload additional pain on him.

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    Senior Member yittz's Avatar
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    Wow, I don't know what to say.

    Actually I disagree with the above comment. Sure she should have known martial arts can be dangerous, but no mother expects that it will be her son to be taken away so prematurely by martial arts. Sure she should have controlled her emotions, but that's easier said than done. She just lost her son and essentially the person who doubt the blow was right in front of her.

    It's debatable whether it's better to have it bottled it up. For her it's better to let the frustration out that and not have to bear all the emotional blame. For the 17 year old boy who was mature enough to front up, it's maybe part of the healing process and a form of closure. It might worsen the mental scarring, it might help him move along.

    It's all nice and welcoming if the mother of the deceased go up to him and comfort him, but I will not chastise the woman for doing otherwise. At the very least she, nor did anyone else kick the boy out of the funeral.
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    Member ChuckC's Avatar
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    Well first off, the boy apologizing is 15, not 17. This is a very young person we're talking about. What pisses me off about the mom is that she is unfairly placing blame on someone who should not be blamed. Here's why:

    In Taikwondo, people get kicked in the head. You score big points in tournaments that way, and you are trained to kick people in the head among other body parts. It has some of the most lethal kicks in all of martial arts, PERIOD.

    Second, the 17 year old was also trying fight the 15 year old. The article says they were "opponents," so that's my read on it. It's not like the 15 year old was bullying a little kid who didn't want to fight. You can rest assured that the 17 year old was also trying to kick the sh*t out of the 15 year old, because that's what you do in a Taikwondo match.

    Look, if a bunch of kids are kicking each other, people tend to get knocked out or injured. Are you telling me no mom expects that? If so, she either a)doesn't know what Taikwondo is, b)is not very bright, or c)lets her husband handle the decision-making. If you don't like the risk that Taikwondo entails, don't sign your kid up for it. It's a lethal combat art.

    And I understand it's easier said than done to control your emotions. If I lost my son I'd look for someone to blame, too. But sometimes that blame can be misplaced. I feel very sorry for the mother as well, but I don't think it was right for her to yell at that boy and blame him for this very tragic event. She's the adult. He's the boy doing what he was taught.

    In short, it was NOT the boy's fault. But the mother made the boy feel that it was his fault. And that's wrong. She's not the only one who lost something, and she's not the only one traumatized by the event. It's not all about her, and she doesn't have the right to do that.
    Last edited by ChuckC; 07-14-09 at 09:19 AM.

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    Senior Member yittz's Avatar
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    I am aware what Taikwondo entails, and I am sure so do most mothers who consent their child to any martial arts. There is a difference to knowing possible outcomes versus expecting it to happen. No one expects things to go wrong, but are fully aware things can happen. This applies to any field. When the worst do eventuate, it will still take them by surprise.

    The debate also doesn't lie whether it's the boy's fault nor whether he deserved to be blamed and chastised. It's not his fault nor should he shoulder any blame, but he is going to for the rest of his life. That is the nature of this situation despite him doing everything right according the article.

    Like I said, it will be nice if she is more composed and warm to a brave boy. We would all like to see them hug and cry together, which will probably happen in time. But as of this moment, in her son's funeral, she is an adult, but she is also human. Most people not put into that situation will hope they will be fair and composed, but how many can do that. It's unfair on the teenager, but it's also premature to place judgement on the poor woman.
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    Senior Member KJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChuckC View Post
    Well first off, the boy apologizing is 15, not 17. This is a very young person we're talking about. What pisses me off about the mom is that she is unfairly placing blame on someone who should not be blamed. Here's why:

    In Taikwondo, people get kicked in the head. You score big points in tournaments that way, and you are trained to kick people in the head among other body parts. It has some of the most lethal kicks in all of martial arts, PERIOD.

    Second, the 17 year old was also trying fight the 15 year old. The article says they were "opponents," so that's my read on it. It's not like the 15 year old was bullying a little kid who didn't want to fight. You can rest assured that the 17 year old was also trying to kick the sh*t out of the 15 year old, because that's what you do in a Taikwondo match.

    Look, if a bunch of kids are kicking each other, people tend to get knocked out or injured. Are you telling me no mom expects that? If so, she either a)doesn't know what Taikwondo is, b)is not very bright, or c)lets her husband handle the decision-making. If you don't like the risk that Taikwondo entails, don't sign your kid up for it. It's a lethal combat art.

    And I understand it's easier said than done to control your emotions. If I lost my son I'd look for someone to blame, too. But sometimes that blame can be misplaced. I feel very sorry for the mother as well, but I don't think it was right for her to yell at that boy and blame him for this very tragic event. She's the adult. He's the boy doing what he was taught.

    In short, it was NOT the boy's fault. But the mother made the boy feel that it was his fault. And that's wrong. She's not the only one who lost something, and she's not the only one traumatized by the event. It's not all about her, and she doesn't have the right to do that.
    If I enroll my son in martial arts, I certainly expect him to possibly get injured, maybe even knocked out, but certainly not dying because of it. That is an extreme case. While I don't think the kid deserved to get chewed out by the mother, you have to understand the state she is in. Her son is dead and there's nothing she can do about it. It's not the boy's fault, but she feels helpless about her son's death.

  7. #7
    Senior Member GuGu's Avatar
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    I agree with Chuck on this one. The mother should know what's right and what's wrong. The boy wasn't just picking on her son or bullying him. They were doing a sport, which is considered very dangerous. People kicking and hitting each other can result in injuries and yes, death. If she didn't want to take the risk then she shouldn't of have enrolled her kid. This is a case where the 15 year old boy is acting more like the adult. I applaud him for it.

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    Member ChuckC's Avatar
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    Well I'm definitely glad someone else sees my point. At the same time, I agree with both others that I may be a bit harsh on the mom, perhaps kicking her while she's down.

    But the sheer misery of the situation really struck a chord with me. This boy really took a big step in reaching out, and offering to take some blame - yet she threw that away and slapped him in the face. It made me wonder who the 15 year old really was, like Gugu was suggesting.

    At the end of the day, I agree, it's just a crushing blow to the family and humans are only human.

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    Wow, a really rare case for a death happen in Sport Tae Kwon Do because of all those gears they wears. Well it's a kick to the neck which is not protected.

    In a sport martial-arts (Karate, Tae Kwon Do etc) one should do a pull back and not direct contact. However in tournament that is something which is impossible to do. So one will get broken nose, ribs, teeth etc if not carefull in blocking.

    Between TKD and Karate, Karate is more dangerous coz no body gear weared by Karateka in tournament, while TKD practioner look like a Gundam Robot in tournament.

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    Member ChuckC's Avatar
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    To give you an idea of how lethal Taekwondo kicks are, here are some videos in which even girls are brutally knocking each other out, and this is WITH PROTECTIVE GEAR. It doesn't matter whether you're an 11 year old girl or a well-built male. Death and serious bodily injury can and will occur.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i37NOUTOoPg (Male spinning head kick Knockout - unconscious)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFMluKtl_nA (Female head kick knockout - unconscious)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFMluKtl_nA (11 year old girl headkick knockout)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaJRILzwi_s (Male, headkick knockout at 0:52, unconscious)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3S91YOLP90 (Male, no protective gear, spinning head kick knockout at 1:20 - unconscious)

    I can sit here forever trying to drive my point across. These kicks have enough force to sever communication from your brain stem to the rest of your body. If you miss even an inch, you can still rupture the carotid artery or break the neck. Taekwondo is LETHAL.

    I've been through Karate classes/tournaments at the blue/green belt level. And I remember this one German guy kicking me very hard. I would block it, but it would still just rock me. Just getting clipped in the face by a fist can shut your senses off and drop you. I can't stress it enough, you will get hurt doing this stuff.
    Last edited by ChuckC; 07-14-09 at 08:33 PM. Reason: Adding some thoughts

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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Having the mother NOT chastising that boy is an IDEAL situation. Not everyone can be so... hmm... forgiving (hope that's an appropriate word).

    The chastising is expected, and the boy certainly would and should have been prepared for it.

    As Yittzy said, the mother had not enrolled the son in taekwondo with the viewpoint that he could have been killed. Even though it is a dangerous sport, but did anyone really expect this to happen, even the mother?

    It was an unfortunate accident, but the boy was the person who killed the son afterall. What do you really expect?

    It's sad for the boy, yes, but it's also sad for the mother. One should not chastise her for yelling at the boy, because it was her son who died afterall. You can't brush it off by saying 'she should have known' blah blah blah. If she was being insensitive to the boy, then people who chastised her are being similarly insensitive to her pain.

    But yes, the boy should be applauded for his courage. This is a sad accident.
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    It's a horrible accident.

    The boy certainly is a courageous and responsible person for apologizing to the mother. I applaud him for that. But then again, that seems to have been something any decent person should have done after accidentally fatally kicking someone. Hopefully he will be able to recover from it and continue on with his life. As far as sympathy goes, that's about all I can give to him.

    As for the mother's reaction - it is completely expected and natural. She only asked him why he couldn't have been more careful and why he kicked so hard. It's not like she called him a murderer or something. What she asked is probably what any mother would ask, and if you think about it - it really was a more rhetorical question. Just because she had some idea of what Tae Kwon Do is and enrolled her son in it doesn't mean she was expecting him to die from it. For those saying the mother shouldn't have chastised the boy - she just lost her son, and she was at her son's funeral. I don't expect that much emotion regulation from her (or anyone else in her position).
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    I'm pretty much agreeing with everyone here. You can't fault the mother for getting hyper-emotional, even hysterical with grief at her son's death - yet you would hope when she sobers up she realizes that the young man acted within the rules of the competition and did nothing wrong. I still give him props for doing something that most young people nowadays just seem very reluctant to do so, SAY I'M SORRY.

  14. #14
    Moderator kidd's Avatar
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    I won't blame the mother. It's an unfortunate incident and bother are traumatised. Why some of you guys only care about the feelings of the kid? The boy came to apologise during the wake of the deceased. That means, it's not that long after the son died. The mother probably hasn't finish grieving for her son yet and you expect the mother to be all rational and not blame the kid in case she traumatised him more?

    It's bad timing. Maybe after a longer time has passed and the mother has accepted her son's passing, she can reconcile with the kid, but, not this time.
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