letting go because you love them

[GuGu]

Okay, i would like to know if you guys agree with what this person did. It's a complicated story but I'll try to make it short.

We have kind of like a Romeo and Juliet story line here. Two people who aren't supposed to have fallen in love, but do and fight to be together. After going through a big accident that causes the girl to go into surgery, her side of the family kind of allows them to be together. The surgery however causes her to slowly go blind. She finds out from the doctor that she is in fact going blind and sooner than later will be completely blind.

She decides that with everything that’s going on, the other side of the family still won’t accept them, it’s best to let go of the person she loves the most. So with all the reasons she could think of she tells him to leave her alone and to forget everything that’s happened with them. Stating that their families will never be able to forgive each other for what happened and if they would have had separated just like what the family wanted than there wouldn’t be an accident which caused her to go into surgery. The guy is confused and doesn’t know why she changed all of a sudden. He tries to reason with her that he would make his family stay away from her and her family. She tells him it’d never work and demands that he never come see her again.

The guy is devastated but still doesn’t give up. He said he’d give her time and when she’s ready to talk to him again she could call him. Once he’s gone she acknowledges that she only said those things out of love for him. She doesn’t want him to suffer and have to take care of her.

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Personally, I find her method to be very selfish. She basically decided that she’d be a burden on her lover and decided to deal with it herself. To me she seems to be very immature in love. BUT overall she does know what love is, even though her method on dealing with the situation is wrong, everything she did was because of her love for him. She’s willing to give up her happiness for him. So I really don’t know if she’s to blame for all of this.

[xJadedx]

First of all, who cares about what the families think. If she truly loves him and cares about him, he should matter much much more than what the families think.
If she actually loves him, she would have worked out a mutual decision together with her "love," and not have just let it go like that. She doesn't even seem to respect her "love's" decisions and pretty much made up her mind on her own. It's selfish, immature, a bit stupid, and not really even out of love.

[GuGu]

First of all, who cares about what the families think. If she truly loves him and cares about him, he should matter much much more than what the families think.
If she actually loves him, she would have worked out a mutual decision together with her "love," and not have just let it go like that. She doesn't even seem to respect her "love's" decisions and pretty much made up her mind on her own. It's selfish, immature, a bit stupid, and not really even out of love.

that last part is what i disagree with. up until she found out that she was going blind, she fought to be with him. her sister begged her and even threatened her to stop seeing the guy. she knew that if her mom found out that she was seeing someone from that family, she'd have a heart attack. at this point i think she loves him so much that she's willing to give up all of her happiness so that she wouldn't be a burden on him. i still see and believe that she did it out of love.

[xJadedx]

that last part is what i disagree with. up until she found out that she was going blind, she fought to be with him. her sister begged her and even threatened her to stop seeing the guy. she knew that if her mom found out that she was seeing someone from that family, she'd have a heart attack. at this point i think she loves him so much that she's willing to give up all of her happiness so that she wouldn't be a burden on him. i still see and believe that she did it out of love.

Perhaps my definition of love differs from yours.

Respect is one of the most integral parts of love. She showed little to no respect for his opinion. I bet if the case was reversed, she would have wanted to care for him and would not have thought of him as a burden, and would have been devastated if he decided to leave her (out of "love"). She didn't bother to think about how he felt and what his thoughts were, and decided for him. That to me, shows she doesn't "respect" him and may not "love" him as much as she thinks.
Love and being in a relationship entails two people thinking as one. She only thought for herself.

[GuGu]

yes, i suppose everyone's definition is different. i agree with all you said. i just feel that it was unfair to say she didn't love him when she's suffering so much from her choice. i suppose to her, in this case, love meant for her to let go and set free so that the other person wouldn't suffer because of her disability.

[Banh Mi]

I think there's also the idea that you'd be guilt tripping the person into staying with you. No one wants to be loved out of pity.

[GuGu]

I think there's also the idea that you'd be guilt tripping the person into staying with you. No one wants to be loved out of pity.

yes, there's that. sorry for not adding that the accident that happened was caused by the guy's family.

[kidd]

I think there's also the idea that you'd be guilt tripping the person into staying with you. No one wants to be loved out of pity.

The guy fought very very hard to be with her. Despite family objections and all, he still wanted to be with her. Now that she's blind, his love suddenly turn to 'love out of pity'?

I do believe that the girl love the guy very much. If not, she would have been concern about being a burden to him. But, she thinks too much. Instead of letting the guy decide what he wants, she made the decision for him. Instead of talking it out and letting he guy tell her what he really felt, she herself decides that the guy will feel burden, guilty etc. That's not a very mature way of handling stuff.

I just hope the girl won't end up with lots of hatred, anger and bitterness because of her self-martyring act.

[Banh Mi]

The guy fought very very hard to be with her. Despite family objections and all, he still wanted to be with her. Now that she's blind, his love suddenly turn to 'love out of pity'?

I'm not saying that. I'm just saying pity is a possibility. Especially years down the line, if you can't get over it, it'll bother you every day.

If it were me, I wouldn't want the person I care about to be stuck with a defective person.

[kidd]

If it were me, I wouldn't want the person I care about to be stuck with a defective person.

If the person you love is the defective person, will you want to take care of her? Will you feel happier taking care of her or leaving her?

[GuGu]

Honestly, in my mind there is no way that the guy would leave her just because she was blind. But I'm just somehow touched and annoyed with her actions. Touched that she's willing to hurt him now and suffer alone rather than bring some kind of burden to him. And annoyed that she thinks that her being blind is a burden to him. They love each other so much and she goes and hurts his feelings.

[Banh Mi]

If the person you love is the defective person, will you want to take care of her? Will you feel happier taking care of her or leaving her?

Yes, because it'll be harder on me, and I'm ok with that, atleast I hope so. But not the reverse because given the choice I think the person I like will be happier with someone else.

[kidd]

Yes, because it'll be harder on me, and I'm ok with that, atleast I hope so. But not the reverse because given the choice I think the person I like will be happier with someone else.

Wow, so little faith in your love ones. So, if it's your love one who is defective, you will be willing to take care of her. But, if the other way around, she will be happier with someone else. You think her love for you is so shallow?

Oh, how much greater and more unconditional is your love.

Honestly. You think your love one will be happy leaving you knowing that you deliberately push her away 'for her own good'?

Yeap, you are such a macho man. It's harder on you, so, as a macho man, you will be willing to take it all. You will suffer it through. But, your love one is too fragile to do so. Let you alone do the suffering.

This is what I call 自以為事.

[xJadedx]

I like how you jumped on a guy who was simply hypothesizing what he may do, and showed sympathy for a girl who did actually just the exact same thing.

[Banh Mi]

Well look. If it's my choice, that's what I'd do or hope that I have the fortitude to do.

I don't see faith in the other person having any part of that. All I see is, I am a burden, I am unworthy. And giving me the choice, that is the one I make. If you're telling me to let her decide, why give me the choice in the first place.

[kidd]

I like how you jumped on a guy who was simply hypothesizing what he may do, and showed sympathy for a girl who did actually just the exact same thing.

How did you come to such conclusion?

Read carefully. I did say the girl loves the guy very much, but, I also disagree with what the girl did. My sentiment is the same for both Bahn Mi's hypothesis and the girl's action.

When you are in trouble, the last thing your love one wants you to do is be a martyr and 'bear it all' yourself.

[xJadedx]

How did you come to such conclusion?

Read carefully. I did say the girl loves the guy very much, but, I also disagree with what the girl did. My sentiment is the same for both Bahn Mi's hypothesis and the girl's action.

When you are in trouble, the last thing your love one wants you to do is be a martyr and 'bear it all' yourself.

Your style and tone was much more hostile towards Banh Mi.

[GuGu]

Well look. If it's my choice, that's what I'd do or hope that I have the fortitude to do.

I don't see faith in the other person having any part of that. All I see is, I am a burden, I am unworthy. And giving me the choice, that is the one I make. If you're telling me to let her decide, why give me the choice in the first place.

i have a feeling this is exactly what she was thinking. she loves him too much and wants him to have a 'normal' bright future. we can't lie and say that her being blind won't change anything.

[Candide]

That's some drama-generating move right there. Generates enough drama for both the girl and the women who know her.

As for the guy, think about it, he doesn't get a very good choice, does he? He can't exactly say: "thanks for the offer, see ya, have a good life" although that's exactly what she's offering. His only socially acceptable choice is to do exactly what he's doing.

Btw why are they not supposed to fall in love? Siblings or 1st cousins?

[remember_Cedric]

I like how you jumped on a guy who was simply hypothesizing what he may do, and showed sympathy for a girl who did actually just the exact same thing.

Not really jumping, I feel.

With this:

Wow, so little faith in your love ones. So, if it's your love ones who is defective, you will be willing to take care of her. But, if the other way around, she will be happier with someone else. You think her love for you is so shallow?

Oh, how much greater and more unconditional is your love.

Honestly. You think your love one will be happy leaving you knowing that you deliberately push her way 'for her own good'?

Yeap, you are such a macho man. It's harder on you, so, as a macho man, you will be willing to take it all. You will suffer it through. But, your love one is too fragile to do so. Let you alone do the suffering.

This is what I call 自以為事.

Kidd threw in some rather thought-provoking questions that serves as "the other side of the coin".

As for her tone, that's just her style, which appear to sound intense when focused on a subject.