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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exodus View Post
    I kinda agree with you but sometimes it may be wrong to try to achieve too much and forget what life is all about.

    All is relative and perception so if he is happy about his life maybe he will have a much more meaningful life than some filthy rich dude.
    Unfortunately, that's living in a bubble. It's temporary, and when life catches up, they can't adapt.
    Being rich has no bearing on this. There are rich people who are always improving themselves and can achieve what they want for themselves. Then there are rich people who can't.

    If you can't maintain your lifestyle, you'll have to adapt. And that's the issue here.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banh Mi View Post
    Unfortunately, that's living in a bubble. It's temporary, and when life catches up, they can't adapt.
    Being rich has no bearing on this. There are rich people who are always improving themselves and can achieve what they want for themselves. Then there are rich people who can't.

    If you can't maintain your lifestyle, you'll have to adapt. And that's the issue here.
    the problem here is that guy here we are talking about can maintain his lifestyle. Maybe he is an underachiever but still he will manage to life on.

    The problem here maybe is that he will have problem finding a girl if they earn more money than him.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exodus View Post
    the problem here is that guy here we are talking about can maintain his lifestyle. Maybe he is an underachiever but still he will manage to life on.

    The problem here maybe is that he will have problem finding a girl if they earn more money than him.
    Ok. Upon rereading, it does sound rather sustainable. Unless he loses his current job, how likely is it to get a similar job at that age, when times change, jobs become redundant. The biggest concern would be he still lives with his parents. When they aren't there for him anymore, will he manage to adapt.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banh Mi View Post
    Ok. Upon rereading, it does sound rather sustainable. Unless he loses his current job, how likely is it to get a similar job at that age, when times change, jobs become redundant. The biggest concern would be he still lives with his parents. When they aren't there for him anymore, will he manage to adapt.
    I think it's pretty normal for asians to live with their parents for various reasons either for financial or to help the parents out.

    People will adapt when they are pushed hard enough so im sure the guy here will manage to survive when that time comes.

    We shouldn't judge him just because he is an underachiver and still lives with his parents.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exodus View Post
    I think it's pretty normal for asians to live with their parents for various reasons either for financial or to help the parents out.

    People will adapt when they are pushed hard enough so im sure the guy here will manage to survive when that time comes.

    We shouldn't judge him just because he is an underachiver and still lives with his parents.
    But is the reason he's still living with his parents because he's traditional. Or because he refuses to expand his comfort zone.

    Yeah, that is true, however people also become homeless and maladaptive as well. It's always a better idea to slow prepare for something, than to be thrown into the deep end half asleep.

    And we are free to judge whoever we like. We emulate people that are successful and learn from the mistakes of those who fail. We reinforce people who do well, and we shun those who don't. Hopefully as a motivator for change.

  6. #26
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    I feel for Suet Seung here...it's strange and difficult for me to sympathize with such an underachiever. Your friend is Asian, true? Then it's even harder to understand. Myself, and many of my family and friends, have a very *real* and terrifying fear of failure. With failure comes shame and loss of face for your family too. As a consequence, one may also face social prejudice. I would not want this for someone that I've grown up with either. However, I'm not sure how to help them since they don't want to help themselves. Luckily, [or not] I grew up with some very scary and ambitious people. I'm also a fierce contender.

    My mother is convinced that she must find filial, *stern*, and ambitious wives for my brothers if they want to succeed in life LOL I suggested to her that she let them "bloom." My dad scoffed.
    And we are free to judge whoever we like. We emulate people that are successful and learn from the mistakes of those who fail. We reinforce people who do well, and we shun those who don't. Hopefully as a motivator for change.
    Unfortunately, reverse psychology doesn't really work well for some folks. I wonder if it's because of a lack of self confidence.
    I like me.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by ByTmE View Post
    I feel for Suet Seung here...it's strange and difficult for me to sympathize with such an underachiever. Your friend is Asian, true? Then it's even harder to understand. Myself, and many of my family and friends, have a very *real* and terrifying fear of failure.
    He can't fail at anything if he doesn't try anything.


    Unfortunately, reverse psychology doesn't really work well for some folks. I wonder if it's because of a lack of self confidence.
    It's not reverse psychology. It's simply operant conditioning.

  8. #28
    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    He's not Asian, he's American.

    I don't know if he's really comfortable with his current life or not. But he doesn't seem to make a determined effort to advance in life. When I ask him why he doesn't get his driver's license, there's always reasons upon reasons of why he can't. He works part-time, and on his time off he collects Yu-Gi-Oh cards and write fan-fiction and etc hobbies, but he can't find time to study to get his learner's permitt and get his driver's license. Even his dad has expressed how much happier he'd be if his son would get his license, so he wouldn't have to take him to work all the time.

    What other options are there? Take the bus. But he argues that he'd have to take 3 buses to get to work, so no.

    Maybe the American mentality is different from Asian. I really don't know. But my parents always push me to achieve more and to be independent.

    My friend's life consists of PT work, home, write fanfiction, anime, and etc.

    High school is mandatory, but college is where you strive with your own efforts to achieve a degree and develop skills for life. He didn't go through such hardships of college, so he might not have that determination and endurance to look at his goal and make real efforts to achieve it.

    It's like he never really experience hardship in his life, like the type of hardship that motivates people to strive for a better life.

    In comparison, I have another American friend, who went to college but then took time off. He works at Apple as a tech guy. Now he's back at college and trying his best to complete his degree (part-time). He made a resolution to quit smoking, and he's been 6 months free of smoke. Everyone's happy for him because he's making good effort to get what he wants.

    Sigh. Maybe people just have different priorities in life.
    Last edited by Suet Seung; 07-14-10 at 02:20 PM.
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  9. #29
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    When you say American, do you mean White American? African American? I'm American too, haha, but Asian American.

    What other options are there? Take the bus. But he argues that he'd have to take 3 buses to get to work, so no.
    Oh wow. It's his job so he should have to bear the brunt of transportation.

    He works part-time, and on his time off he collects Yu-Gi-Oh cards and write fan-fiction and etc
    LoL! Sounds like he has much growing up to do on the inside. Is he by chance the youngest or an only child?
    I like me.

  10. #30
    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ByTmE View Post
    When you say American, do you mean White American? African American? I'm American too, haha, but Asian American.


    Oh wow. It's his job so he should have to bear the brunt of transportation.


    LoL! Sounds like he has much growing up to do on the inside. Is he by chance the youngest or an only child?
    I suppose a mix of Irish/Greek American?

    It's a burden to have your parents still take you places, not just work but even to go to the mall or go hangout with friends. He probably knows it's a burden, but his slavery to fear and hesitation tackles him down and no change is tried.

    He's the only son and oldest child in a family of three children.

    Yeah, he collects Yu-gi-Oh cards, Power Ranger stuff and other stuff.
    I just love how you Captivate My Mind

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  11. #31
    Senior Member HuangYushi's Avatar
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    Did anyone ever consider that he might have some sort of developmental issue that has stagnated his growth?
    Jin Yong's Ode to Gallantry [侠客行].
    Quote Originally Posted by atlantean0208
    what about SPT, I need my SPT fix ASAP, pretty pleaseeeee...
    Soon ... SOON!

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suet Seung View Post
    He's not Asian, he's American.
    Asian bums is not myth; it happens too.

    What other options are there? Take the bus. But he argues that he'd have to take 3 buses to get to work, so no.
    If he whines about taking too many buses to work, then tell him to learn to drive. When he gives his 'No' excuses to driving, ask him to STFU.

    The more effective way to kick in those reality is when it reflects to him in his life. You know what I mean?

    Maybe the American mentality is different from Asian. I really don't know. But my parents always push me to achieve more and to be independent.
    Not exactly. Asian bums do exist.


    My friend's life consists of PT work, home, write fanfiction, anime, and etc.
    If you want to knock some sense in into this friend of yours (trying to help him as a friend), try this:-

    SS: "Well done, my friend, you have ****ed up your life so entirely!! I cannot stress out more than once that I am so admirable of you. So admirable that you could still do those useless teeny stuff that doesn't bring you income when you're supposed to be doing something more serious and beneficial to your life as an ADULT." (Remember to laugh heartedly)

    When intense nags won't work, you have to try mockery.

    The next time you meet him, again, ask him how many percent has he ****ed up his life.

    High school is mandatory, but college is where you strive with your own efforts to achieve a degree and develop skills for life. He didn't go through such hardships of college, so he might not have that determination and endurance to look at his goal and make real efforts to achieve it.
    That why that bold part is void and null. It's an ideal statement which doesn't always happen. Skills for life is more often developed in real world. And, your friend has spent too much time in his Lalaland.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  13. #33
    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    ...omg...hahahhahahaha dang Ceddy No one would ever suspect it from someone so small and sweet looking. Well, actually I already knew you had a temper beneath that serene exterior. LOL!

    Quote Originally Posted by HuangYushi View Post
    Did anyone ever consider that he might have some sort of developmental issue that has stagnated his growth?
    I didn't. I just thought he was useless.
    I like me.

  14. #34
    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suet Seung View Post
    He's not Asian, he's American.

    I don't know if he's really comfortable with his current life or not. But he doesn't seem to make a determined effort to advance in life. When I ask him why he doesn't get his driver's license, there's always reasons upon reasons of why he can't. He works part-time, and on his time off he collects Yu-Gi-Oh cards and write fan-fiction and etc hobbies, but he can't find time to study to get his learner's permitt and get his driver's license. Even his dad has expressed how much happier he'd be if his son would get his license, so he wouldn't have to take him to work all the time.

    Lucre couldn't get her license too...its dreadful to drive a vehicle (she has tried doing so before, in case someone accuse her of never trying, she just kept doing very badly and poses real threat to the traffic), a skill that took out way too much braincells out of her. If your friend is by any chance Lucre's type of person, than it can be understood how fearful it is to learn to drive.

    What other options are there? Take the bus. But he argues that he'd have to take 3 buses to get to work, so no.

    bus can be quite scary too...what if it make a wrong uturn and drove you to nomensland? eep. but they are less scary than subways...at least its easier to escape from a bus that brokedown than a train that does. my current job location is relatively near to my home, and thats why i find it less unnerving.

    Maybe the American mentality is different from Asian. I really don't know. But my parents always push me to achieve more and to be independent.

    im an asian bum. =p

    My friend's life consists of PT work, home, write fanfiction, anime, and etc.

    my life consists of work, writing, manga..home....reading and church. well, your friends hobbies didnt sound too different from mine.

    High school is mandatory, but college is where you strive with your own efforts to achieve a degree and develop skills for life. He didn't go through such hardships of college, so he might not have that determination and endurance to look at his goal and make real efforts to achieve it.

    college nearly killed me..im glad im outta it. i have very little ambitions, as long as my job pays sufficiently to live comfortably, im happy.

    It's like he never really experience hardship in his life, like the type of hardship that motivates people to strive for a better life.

    who knows, maybe hes undergoing alot of crap and you just didnt know? he might have been suffering from depression, which propels him to behave unenthusiastically, and whilst struggling with this problem, others thought he was just being lazy?

    In comparison, I have another American friend, who went to college but then took time off. He works at Apple as a tech guy. Now he's back at college and trying his best to complete his degree (part-time). He made a resolution to quit smoking, and he's been 6 months free of smoke. Everyone's happy for him because he's making good effort to get what he wants.

    Sigh. Maybe people just have different priorities in life.
    true...different priorties in life. ^_^ some of us preferred a more peaceful, less challenging life than others.
    o wilku mowa...♪

    The only thing I need to know is that I don't know anything.

  15. #35
    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by remember_Cedric View Post
    SS: "Well done, my friend, you have ****ed up your life so entirely!! I cannot stress out more than once that I am so admirable of you. So admirable that you could still do those useless teeny stuff that doesn't bring you income when you're supposed to be doing something more serious and beneficial to your life as an ADULT." (Remember to laugh heartedly)

    When intense nags won't work, you have to try mockery.

    The next time you meet him, again, ask him how many percent has he ****ed up his life.
    thats quite mean. no matter how much of a thrash you think he is, theres no need to be insulting? what good would it does him, and if hes really undergoing other crap in life..such mockery might push him further and one fine day you'd never know if you see him in the pages of the obituary....
    o wilku mowa...♪

    The only thing I need to know is that I don't know anything.

  16. #36
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ByTmE View Post
    ...omg...hahahhahahaha dang Ceddy No one would ever suspect it from someone so small and sweet looking. Well, actually I already knew you had a temper beneath that serene exterior. LOL!
    You're the 2nd person who had draw that conclusion of me. It is true either that or "Hothead underneath that calm exterior".

    Well, as it seems from his current interest, what he does isn't bringing him to anywhere. Unless he has some secret plans going on. Unless there's market for sale of Yu-Gi-Oh cards in near future... that, I really don't know. I know steel and gold, yes.

    Since his father had sound such disappointment in him, it reflects. And, it seems to me, that this guy doesn't have the least sense of rebuttal like "I want to be better but I don't know how. Can someone help me?". If he had some sort of development problem, his parents should be aware enough to know that.

    I didn't think he is a later-bloomer, but rather a never-bloomer.

    I might sound harsh, but reality is harsh.
    Last edited by remember_Cedric; 07-16-10 at 01:57 AM.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

  17. #37
    Senior Member jadebunny9's Avatar
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    Not everyone will succeed...if everyone did, we wouldn't have homeless people and such.

    Some people are like that because they really are useless...others are like that because of some problems that they cannot get over...........and perhaps, there are others who really just don't care. As long as they are happy, that's all that matters to them. In the end, it's his own life. We can't really judge.

  18. #38
    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    IMO, it's difficult not to judge such people when you feel for the parents who raised him up. I would imagine the father sounding depressively disappointed with the son in one the posts by SS.

    Children who let their parents down and ignore their parents' feeling - difficult to tolerate that.
    Last edited by remember_Cedric; 08-02-10 at 06:59 AM.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

    I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?

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