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Thread: Failure to Launch

  1. #1
    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    Default Failure to Launch

    What are your thoughts on young adults (20s-30s) and older adults being grown women and men and still living under their parent's house? OR young adults who still haven't gotten anywhere in life since high school?

    I know its different in American and Asian households. But If you're going to stay with your parents until you marry and move out to your own home. Wouldn't it be best if you have some discernible skills set under your belt?

    I have a classmate from high school and I recently came into contact with him again. He, recently, turned 27 and he still hasn't gotten his driver's license nor learner's permit. He's been working in retail as a bagger and hasn't gone to college ever. He's not even sure of what he wants to do. He has poor social skills and social etiquette. He always makes excuses or reasons for not getting his driver's license. There's just so many reasons and inconvieniences that he plans to get his driver's license before he's 30. I mean isn't that late? He obviously has some dreams, but he doesn't have the courage to go after them. At this snail pace, how is he going to achieve anything? He's never gone to the gym, because it's not in distance of his house. He only runs when he tries to get across the street before the light changes, but other than that, no running or jogging, just walking.

    It just doesn't seem like he challenges himself much or even make a difference of his life at all. Too comfortable in his sheltered lifestyle. He's going to be stuck behind while his siblings sped ahead of him in life.

    As a friend, I try to encourage him, but that's all I can do. He just doesn't have that determination to follow through with his goals or dreams. Man, it would suck to be 30 and not achieve anything for yourself.
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    Some people like the comfortable status quo they're in. I have a friend who will keep accumulating debt to prolong his time as a uni student.
    Natural selection will weed them out when time catches up to them.

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    Senior Member ByTmE's Avatar
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    Hm. I'm not sure where I rank as far as being a "failure to launch." I also do not have a license or driver's permit at 26. But I know how to drive and navigate the tumultuous streets of DC without blinking an eye or having a panic attack LoL.

    I know its different in American and Asian households. But If you're going to stay with your parents until you marry and move out to your own home. Wouldn't it be best if you have some discernible skills set under your belt?
    Many young people today have very few real life skills and often need the help of parents to do stuff like files taxes, car registration, or even writing a check. I must agree with you that if one is going to live at home then at least make sure to have some skills under your belt so you're not a "grown child" VS an adult living at home. Banh Mi is correct, at least I agree with the opinion that some people just get used to living a comfortable lifestyle and don't see the point of making changes.

    He obviously has some dreams, but he doesn't have the courage to go after them.
    I have also just been accused of being such a person by others I have reconnected with from high school. I live at home with no means of transportation. Some people are just too quick to judge, of course your situation with your friend is different from mine. My CV speaks for itself... they just see the laid back person that cares too much about her skin, weight, and vocabulary. I'm at fault because I perpetuate this image with the failure to explain myself. You're friend may suffer from the same thing as me; a failure to explain one's life goals or deep innermost ambitions for fear of reprisal or mockery. Maybe you're friend is accomplishing things in secret but hiding them? I've been guilty of that too. The judgment of other's still hurt though I may not let it get in the way of completing my life's goals.

    Although you may want to help and encourage your friend, until he's decided that he wants to help himself, he won't be picking up the pace anytime soon. I'm facing the same ordeal with one of my brothers. We're all waiting for him to "launch." But personally, he's seriously trying my tolerance because his "failure to launch" also comes with a juvenile and narcissistic attitude. I also have a grown nephew like this. Good lord.
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    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ByTmE View Post
    Hm. I'm not sure where I rank as far as being a "failure to launch." I also do not have a license or driver's permit at 26. But I know how to drive and navigate the tumultuous streets of DC without blinking an eye or having a panic attack LoL.
    I think I'm in that list too, ByTme. License is quite costly here and my savings do not allow at the moment due to family commitments and/or bills. Besides, my country is too small and transport is convenient. Sometimes, I cycle to nearby towns too. I do enjoy to travel while not contributing to pollution.

    I have also just been accused of being such a person by others I have reconnected with from high school. I live at home with no means of transportation. Some people are just too quick to judge, of course your situation with your friend is different from mine. My CV speaks for itself... they just see the laid back person that cares too much about her skin, weight, and vocabulary. I'm at fault because I perpetuate this image with the failure to explain myself. You're friend may suffer from the same thing as me; a failure to explain one's life goals or deep innermost ambitions for fear of reprisal or mockery. Maybe you're friend is accomplishing things in secret but hiding them? I've been guilty of that too. The judgment of other's still hurt though I may not let it get in the way of completing my life's goals.

    Although you may want to help and encourage your friend, until he's decided that he wants to help himself, he won't be picking up the pace anytime soon. I'm facing the same ordeal with one of my brothers. We're all waiting for him to "launch." But personally, he's seriously trying my tolerance because his "failure to launch" also comes with a juvenile and narcissistic attitude. I also have a grown nephew like this. Good lord.
    I think, we're accountable to ourselves for our lives. I don't find the need to explain what exactly are my plans even if others may perceived that I have no goals in life. I think action speaks louder than words, and my results will tell.

    I would love to have my own apartment but that can only happen when I'm 35.
    What can I say? I'm still standing! No weapon against me shall prosper! I am more than a conqueror!!!

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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    I would love to have my own apartment but that can only happen when I'm 35.
    Your other option is to get married!
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    Nowadays, one has more choices. If you cannot take care of yourself, you can rely on your parents, especially in Asian societies. I have always hear young people saying (<30 years old), "afterall, their money is mine one day".

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    Senior Member Guo Xiang's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wkeej View Post
    Nowadays, one has more choices. If you cannot take care of yourself, you can rely on your parents, especially in Asian societies. I have always hear young people saying (<30 years old), "afterall, their money is mine one day".
    That's... I'm at a loss for words. Do they even realise that's called "unfilial"?
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    Senior Member xJadedx's Avatar
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    Some people may want to find something meaningful in their life, but are still looking for that something. As long as they have some sort of desire and try to reach for some goal in their life, that's cool with me. No one has to be perfectly established before they're 30. I'm 23 and still live at home and haven't learned how to drive. But I'm working towards my career and I'll actually probably be in good shape by the time I reach my thirties.

    Then there are certain people who don't have any goals, and don't bother. Those people bother me a bit.
    Last edited by xJadedx; 06-22-10 at 01:11 AM.
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    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    not a big deal. i dont have drivers license because of an inherent psychological trait that will result in potential hazards to other roadusers if i drive.

    im still living with my parents because its more economical that way, and for my old folks, its nice to have young blood around too ~ why abandon them and take flight out of ur own roof?

    my cooking is largely considered poisonous, but i have a stomach not unlike a trashcan so at least to feed myself its ok. i have lived on my own before whilst studying overseas so i can operate basic household appliances.

    im also gainfully employed, even though its not something to brag of.

    hmmm...i dont see myself as a failure, though I fit in with a couple of your examples listed as 'failure to launch'.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member pemberly's Avatar
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    yeah, i don't see not having a drivers license as any kind of failure, to launch or otherwise. for some people and areas of the world, it's simply not necessary.

    and people have many reasons for still living at home.

    i think the only factor that should be considered is lack of motivation. if a person doesn't have the drive to better themselves or at least become financially independent, i think that's the biggest failure in life.
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  11. #11
    Senior Member kay &!*'s Avatar
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    i'm not going to lie, i do question a person if they're like over 21 and still don't have a driver license, but i'm in no place to judge because i understand the different circumstances i.e not neccessary 'cause of public transport, financial prob, etc.
    i guess i just see it as one of those convenient things that you should take advantage of, it doesn't hurt not to have it but will be useful to have one for the hell of it.
    or maybe it's just me because i hate relying on ppl for lifts (or in general) and PT was not an option.
    like, if ur in an emergency to get somewhere, wouldn't u want to just dig out that license at the bottom of ur purse/wallet and use it?
    maybe i just think driving is a necessity

    and your friend, yeah maybe he's just comfortable and ok with it different strokes for different folks i guess~ i wouldn't personally mind living with parents but if i'm working at retail when i'm close to 30.. i don't think i'd be ok Lol. i'd feel like a failure to be honest. i might not know what my "dreams" are by then but it doesn't hurt to put in effort and TRY out new things.. who knows, maybe you'll discover something you wouldn't have thought of. but ehh, i know someone like ur friend and until now, 3rd yr uni, she still doesn't know what to do with her life. she says she wants to do something in art or drama but i see no effort being made and yet, she takes general random classes with no applicable majors just for the hell of it if u think art/drama isn't possible, at least choose a safety major and work through that
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    Senior Member remember_Cedric's Avatar
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    I think that concept of "moving out = abandon parents and take your shelter" is non-sensical. Naturally, you will need your own space as you grow older due to the increasing no of items in your possession. And, it's not like, you're going to move away and never going to care about them anymore. If so, that's a different story. My mom is supportive of us to move out and have our own place. It's fine, as long as we're not moving out of the country.

    Similarly, I can't call someone "hiding under their parent's wings" because they probably find enough space in their home and don't find the need to move out.

    I'm positive about having my own space and holding the responsibility of paying for the loan and stuff. I can't do that for my current home since it's already fully paid up, except for the utilities bill which is part of my responsibility. You could say, going through and experience what your parents had gone through.

    I had experience in (illegal/ without license) driving while in Malaysia. Since I don't have license YET, I can only drive Go-Kart for the kick right now. I don't find it an issue to not have a license. I have a friend in Puerto Rico who only obtained a driver's license at the age of 32.
    Last edited by remember_Cedric; 06-22-10 at 11:00 PM.
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    Senior Member milKBoi's Avatar
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    To be really honest, i think i am about 6 - 12 months behind where i really want to be in life. This is of course due to me failing some of my accounting subjects.

    My failure failure to launch life story:

    - have close to 40K debt due to uni fees
    - 21y/o but going on 22
    - hoping to earn a full-time contract (grad position) where i am currently holding a temp role.
    - not really interested in my degree (accg)
    - licence but no car.
    - haven't really travelled much
    - still living with parents
    - no motivation to hit the gym again.
    - can never ever stick to a budget
    - and two days ago was day-dreaming winnning a friggin lotto.

    Was hoping i was in a better situation than i am in right now. I guess i have to just wait and see

    On the positive, the only thing going for me is i know what i want in life and will work hard for it.
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    Senior Member Lucre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milKBoi View Post
    To be really honest, i think i am about 6 - 12 months behind where i really want to be in life. This is of course due to me failing some of my accounting subjects.

    My failure failure to launch life story:

    - have close to 40K debt due to uni fees
    - 21y/o but going on 22
    - hoping to earn a full-time contract (grad position) where i am currently holding a temp role.
    - not really interested in my degree (accg)
    - licence but no car.
    - haven't really travelled much
    - still living with parents
    - no motivation to hit the gym again.
    - can never ever stick to a budget
    - and two days ago was day-dreaming winnning a friggin lotto.

    Was hoping i was in a better situation than i am in right now. I guess i have to just wait and see

    On the positive, the only thing going for me is i know what i want in life and will work hard for it.
    considering that ur only 21...its not that much of a failure...more like, you have yet to take off. probably your main concern would be the debt you need to clear...and if you cannot afford it, you might need to really endure through till you get some paper qualifications (unless you know what you really want and decided to switch course, and not doing so just out of a whim)
    o wilku mowa...♪

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    Senior Member HuangYushi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by milKBoi View Post
    - not really interested in my degree (accg)
    I did accounting in uni because I had a partial scholarship for it (or else, I won't get to go to uni), and I ended up working in the accounting field for only a short period of time (to pay off the rest of the uni fees and earn money for the degree I really wanted). The accounting/business knowledge (I chose complementary but flexible electives) has been useful in dealing with the commercial side of things in my current job which is in a completely different but no less technical field.
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    Senior Member milKBoi's Avatar
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    In less than 24hrs i will know if i pass my exams and if i get the grad job. Im fairly confident i failed my exams. As for the job, i have no idea.

    Worst case scenario: fail all my exams and no job. Now that would set me back at least another six months

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  17. #17
    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    Aiyah! Back to my hs classmate. This boy, he's such a stick-in-a-mud.

    Stick-in-the-mud:
    One who lacks initiative, imagination, or enthusiasm. (informal)
    noun. An old-fashioned person who is reluctant to change or innovate: fogy, fossil, fuddy-duddy, mossback. Slang square. See new/old.
    I've never met someone who fits this description until now!

    Don't try to suggest new ideas or try to expose him to new things, he's just not THAT open to new things. He so lacks the initative to GROW and change and challenge himself.

    It's like the saying 'the frog in the well does not know the width/depth of the ocean'. There's so much out there and he just likes to stay within his comfort zone, without venturing out there to try and see what other possibilities are out there. Freaking irks me so much.

    Life is short. How can people go forth in life at such a pace, that suggests lack of ambition and goal?
    Last edited by Suet Seung; 07-12-10 at 04:51 PM.
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    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suet Seung View Post
    Aiyah! Back to my hs classmate. This boy, he's such a stick-in-a-mud.



    I've never met someone who fits this description until now!

    Don't try to suggest new ideas or try to expose him to new things, he's just not THAT open to new things. He so lacks the initative to GROW and change and challenge himself.

    It's like the saying 'the frog in the well does not know the width/depth of the ocean'. There's so much out there and he just likes to stay within his comfort zone, without venturing out there to try and see what other possibilities are out there. Freaking irks me so much.

    Life is short. How can people go forth in life at such a pace, that suggests lack of ambition and goal?
    why do you care anyway unless you have some feeling for him. I wouldn't write him off too soon since some people tend to blossom later

  19. #19
    Moderator Suet Seung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exodus View Post
    why do you care anyway unless you have some feeling for him. I wouldn't write him off too soon since some people tend to blossom later
    Fortunately, no, I don't have feelings for him. It just a combination of pet peeves and dealing with a friend who's like the total opposite of you.

    If you're close to 30 and you still have the lifestyle (hobbies, food diet, mentality) of a teenager, I don't know when people like him will bloom. And how much success they will achieve before life ends too soon.

    It's like if you stay too long in one spot and you hardly challenge yourself (to develop new skills or access your potential), you cease to grow. You don't see what you can make of your life because you don't try.
    Last edited by Suet Seung; 07-13-10 at 03:38 PM.
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  20. #20
    Senior Member Exodus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suet Seung View Post
    Fortunately, no, I don't have feelings for him. It just a combination of pet peeves and dealing with a friend who's like the total opposite of you.

    If you're close to 30 and you still have the lifestyle (hobbies, food diet, mentality) of a teenager, I don't know when people like him will bloom. And how much success they will achieve before life ends too soon.

    It's like if you stay too long in one spot and you hardly challenge yourself (to develop new skills or access your potential), you cease to grow. You don't see what you can make of your life because you don't try.
    I kinda agree with you but sometimes it may be wrong to try to achieve too much and forget what life is all about.

    All is relative and perception so if he is happy about his life maybe he will have a much more meaningful life than some filthy rich dude.

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