Indian couple slain in 'honor killing'

[kidd]

I actually asked my father about this topic. He said, "If you live under your parents roof, you must follow their rules. If you don't want to follow their rules, then find your own freedom under another roof." Well, that's what he said LoL...think maybe the young lady Huang Yushi works with might be a little too sheltered and immature to grasp this.

Maybe that's why the westerners move out of their the moment they are able too.

Asian parents are a strange lot. They want to stay with their children, want their children to take care of them when they grow old, but they go "If you live under your parents roof, you must follow their rules. If you don't want to follow their rules, then find your own freedom under another roof." So, you want your kids to stay with you or not?

[Guo Xiang]

Maybe that's why the westerners move out of their the moment they are able too.

Asian parents are a strange lot. They want to stay with their children, want their children to take care of them when they grow old, but they go "If you live under your parents roof, you must follow their rules. If you don't want to follow their rules, then find your own freedom under another roof." So, you want your kids to stay with you or not?

Obeying the parents and taking care of them are all obligations.

[kidd]

Obeying the parents and taking care of them are all obligations.

Yeah, I know. This is asian culture. I'm just ranting. It's good if the parents are reasonable. But, when the parents has unreasonable demand, it can be very suffocating and it prevent the children to be themselves.

Some parents can make use of this obligation to the extreme. I've read about a mom who keeps on sabotaging her children's relationship until they are 40+ and still unmarried. They keep on giving in to her because of this 'obligation'. The son got to know a nice girl and started dating her. Of course, since he's dating, he won't be home all the time like when he's not dating. I mean, if you want to get to know a girl deeper, you have to spend time with her. The mother went to the girl's work place to scold the girl, ask her to leave his son. So, his son have to break off the relationship for the girl's sake.

I still feel this phrase "If you live under your parents roof, you must follow their rules. If you don't want to follow their rules, then find your own freedom under another roof." is ironic. The asian parents will obviously want their children to stay with them in their old age. But, at the same time, they go 'my way or the highway' on their children. But, when their children really choose to seek their own path and choose freedom under another roof, they go hate on their children for being 'unfilial'.

[Guo Xiang]

Yeah, I know. This is asian culture. I'm just ranting. It's good if the parents are reasonable. But, when the parents has unreasonable demand, it can be very suffocating and it prevent the children to be themselves.

Some parents can make use of this obligation to the extreme. I've read about a mom who keeps on sabotaging her children's relationship until they are 40+ and still unmarried. They keep on giving in to her because of this 'obligation'. The son got to know a nice girl and started dating her. Of course, since he's dating, he won't be home all the time like when he's not dating. I mean, if you want to get to know a girl deeper, you have spent time with her. The mother went to the girl's work place to scold the girl, ask her to leave his son. So, his son have to break off the relationship for the girl's sake.

I still feel this phrase "If you live under your parents roof, you must follow their rules. If you don't want to follow their rules, then find your own freedom under another roof." is ironic. The asian parents will obviously want their children to stay with them in their old age. But, at the same time, they go 'my way or the highway' on their children. But, when their children really choose to seek their own path and choose freedom under another roof, they go hate on their children for being 'unfilial'.

Yeah, some parents are really perplexing. They try to take control of every single aspect of their children's lives, even their own lifelong happiness, without once considering the feelings of their children and the fact that it's NOT their own lives they are tinkering with and the children will bear the brunt of the consequences for decisions they did not make. And then they get all pissed off and hurt when their children (inevitably) rebel against them and their decisions.

[ByTmE]

I still feel this phrase "If you live under your parents roof, you must follow their rules. If you don't want to follow their rules, then find your own freedom under another roof." is ironic. The asian parents will obviously want their children to stay with them in their old age. But, at the same time, they go 'my way or the highway' on their children. But, when their children really choose to seek their own path and choose freedom under another roof, they go hate on their children for being 'unfilial'.

Whoa that's terrible...feel so bad for that guy. The MoMs is very indicative of your last paragraph. :[ She said I "came back wrong."

Yeah, some parents are really perplexing. They try to take control of every single aspect of their children's lives, even their own lifelong happiness, without once considering the feelings of their children and the fact that it's NOT their own lives they are tinkering with and the children will bear the brunt of the consequences for decisions they did not make. And then they get all pissed off and hurt when their children (inevitably) rebel against them and their decisions.

I think a lot of us who are Asian are feeling the brunt of truth in your statement haha. Sometimes I wonder too! I'm pretty sure I was raised to be an independent and strong willed woman but my major life decisions seem to always need tweaking by the MoM...it's like she has no understanding of the person that she gave life to and raised. The statement "MoM always knows best" is a bittersweet one for me. She's fixated on "fixing" me since I "came back wrong"... To her credit, I walk my own path, but she still thinks I'm quite filial. I'm pretty sure it's only because I've never done anything for her to "lose face"..ah the all important "face."